In talking through our recent challenges with Jacob's therapist, it seems like lately he's been struggling with a lack of control. Not self-control (though of course that's an issue, too), but control. From school to home, he feels like he has no opportunity to make choices about his own life. I suppose we all feel a little like that most of the time, and as a kid I know that's usually the norm, but when you remember that Jacob doesn't really think of himself as a kid, I guess I understand why it could be extra frustrating for him.
Jacob legitimately doesn't see himself in the kid role. He hasn't for a few years now. He genuinely thinks he should have every opportunity to do what he wants because it's his life. It simply doesn't compute that someone else should be able to make decisions for him. But, of course, he IS a kid. And while he doesn't understand this, adults are put into kids' lives to give them proper guidance and help them avoid a lot of the bad stuff--dangerous situations, foolish decisions, wasted opportunities. But when you don't believe that adults actually are smarter, of course you don't want to listen to any of that wisdom. Hence his frustration.
We are constantly on his back, about everything. Clean up. Take your medicine. Leave your brother alone. Turn off the game and eat dinner. Go in your room. Do your homework. Go to bed. Get up and get ready so you can eat breakfast before school.
He feels like he's constantly under his teacher's thumb. He can't do anything without her getting on his case. He doesn't like being forced to read, and he'd much rather have more active play time.
He didn't like his camp counselor over break, as he seemed equally as domineering as Jacob's teacher. He usually has fun at camp but this guy took all of the joy and flexibility out of it.
He wants Carter to play with him, but often Carter doesn't want to, and Jacob hates that he can't make him do it. Carter is stubborn, and inevitably they get into a fight over everything. That fighting makes Carter even less likely to want to play afterward, but Jacob can't help himself because he's upset about the rejection.
He wants to play outside all the time. But we're just getting to a time of year where there's a little daylight in the evening, and most of the time it's cold and either the grown-ups are tired or busy and Carter doesn't want to go out in the cold.
He has all these big ideas like sharing a room with Carter (no, seriously...and not a chance), building some sort of mini hockey rink in our house, and whatever else pops into his head. We had a giant argument the other night because we won't let him move the couch out of our office or all of the furniture out of his room to make room for the rink. Apparently everyone in his class has a playroom in their house, and even though toys and Legos take over much of our living room and basement on a regular basis, and his room is very large, apparently that's not good enough.
I wish we could say yes more often, but we have a couple problems. First, he takes everything to an extreme, and has very little flexibility on that. I'm cool with clearing out some spaces so he has more room to play hockey. I even bought him one of those collapsible faux leather bench ottomans for his room so we can clean up the rest of the prized stuffed animals in his room, and I'm considering some changes in our office because the desk is on its way out anyway and I wouldn't mind getting that room a little more usable--for anything. But that stuff wasn't enough for him and his big ideas, so past a certain point it, too, ends up being a no. He wants to play with Carter, but because he has such an extreme, specific view of how that should work, Carter gets ticked and they end up fighting. Jacob gets madder because Carter won't play, and the vicious cycle goes on and on.
The second problem is that so much of what he does is unacceptable, unreasonable, or inappropriate. From the potty talk to pestering his brother, from ignoring us to insisting on having his way, there are just things that we can't let go. And most days lately, everything is a fight. Coming to the dinner table, bedtime, getting his shoes on for school, doing his reading homework before bedtime, cleaning up his own mess...you name it, we've battled. They're not unreasonable requests on our part, but you'd think we asked him to climb Mt. Everest. The stuff we're fighting is simple, basics-of-life stuff that he just can't seem to grasp--politeness, flexibility, planning ahead, neatness. This is all stuff we've worked on for years, hoping at some point it would just stick, and in many cases, it still hasn't. I try to get into the natural consequences stuff as much as I can, but honestly, so little phases him--until it comes to a head, and then he just blames us anyway. And the more we have to do it, the more agitated he gets. The more agitated he gets, the more he battles. It's awful.
We keep trying to tell him that if he wants to earn some leeway and freedom, he needs to show us some maturity and earn it. Knowing now that this lack of control is an issue for him, I'm trying to find opportunities where he can have a say. Like buying the ottoman or redoing the office, I'm trying to hand off an olive branch that might help him see we're not entirely against him. I can't budge on needing to get him to school on time, and I shouldn't have to budge on him coming to the dinner table on time, but maybe there are other things we can work on. The problem is that if you give him an inch, he'll take a mile. How can we get him to be thankful for what we compromise on, and not try to take advantage? It's like one giant chess game with him.
I guess we'll just have to keep looking for opportunities and hoping he cooperates enough to make them work. Stay tuned...
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Getting Around...
This is more of a catch-up post, so please pardon the jumping around. These all interweave into the last week and a half of posts, time-wise. I came across some stuff--mostly from my phone--that I hadn't transferred over to my computer, and hence I had not posted them. It's funny how time gets away from you sometimes!
Craig also sent me a couple more from Carter's birthday trip to Chuck E. Cheese. Here we are on the motion simulator ride, going through a mine shaft roller coaster ride!
Two Sundays ago, when we came back from my parents' house, we went right to an event at church. They had a giant inflatable, a bunch of crafts, and one station where you could decorate graham crackers with frosting, sprinkles, and a few different kinds of candy. We got there with only about 45 minutes left, but it was enough to do the obstacle course inflatable a bunch of times, have a snack, and decorate the graham crackers. I won't lie--his disinterest in the crafts was just fine with me! Less for me to carry and/or dispose of later! He loved the obstacle course, though! The first picture is blurry, but it was fun walking around the side of the inflatable to catch him going through the obstacles. There were walls to climb, barriers to dodge, and a big slide at the end.
This past Friday we went to an Amerks game. We figure it's been at least a couple years since we've gone to one. I got free tickets through work, and since Craig was home (and the Knighthawks were on the road the next night--meaning I didn't have to do back-to-back arena nights), we went. It was definitely weird being back for the first time in so long. The PA announcer was different, the in-game host was new, most of the promotions were different (but yet a couple were still the same!), and even the mascot has a new look. It was the first time in the 12 years I've been gone that it all really felt completely foreign to me, almost like we could be at some other team's arena. We still had a good time despite a last-few-minutes loss, but all in all I'll call it a win. Even Carter seemed to enjoy it for most of the night. It's so rare we get to watch a sporting event besides baseball together, so it made for a fun family evening!
On Saturday, Craig and Jacob left first thing in the morning to go to Buffalo for a Knighthawks' game that night. Jacob did his usual ball boy duties and Craig snapped this shot of him. Such a big kid.
Meanwhile, Carter and I were back at home. He was pretty patient with me all day as I did a ton of prep work for his party. After a lazy enough morning, we headed out around 11:30 to pick up all the party food at Wegmans. We hit up a bunch of samples, loaded up the cart, and headed home for lunch and lots of cleaning. I got a good amount of work done before allowing myself to sit down and play for a while, but Carter did a great job keeping himself occupied. Then we headed out for dinner, and his choice was Taco Bell. He totally cracked me up as he ate his taco, because he folded it in half in a way where both ends could be upright and spillproof! It was almost like a cone, with a point at the bottom. I posted this photo with the hashtag #gamechanger because I seriously never thought of that, and it totally worked.
We made a quick stop at Payless on the way home--it was across the parking lot and I hadn't been there in ages, and I knew it was prime clearance time and I had a 20% coupon, so I had to look. And before Carter complained he had to pee, I picked out two pairs of very basic, very useful shoes--patent black pointy toed heels and a beige patent wedge--that I got for a grand total of $15! Score! I don't even need the heels right now, but when I can get basic shoes I will definitely use when my current ones bite the dust, and can get them cheap, I do it! It's the little things sometimes.
Back home, we watched the last night of Olympic competition and happened to catch bobsledding. Carter remembered that he had a Hot Wheels bobsled vehicle, so he pulled out some track and started running it down. Then I suggested we get more track and make a real run of it, and this was the result...
We had track going down the chaise end of the couch, down to the floor, and running into a barrier to stop it before it hit the bricks near the fireplace. We had a blast sending it down over and over again! He is such a fun little buddy most of the time!
After all of the fun Sunday, Monday night was a mess of presents all over the living room. Two Lego creations to be built, and Imaginext and Lego guys everywhere! I was doing more research on the new magnetic tiles, and while I'm still not thrilled with how some of them stick, I did find some ways to use them. Consider it a work in progress, but I seriously love using them--maybe even more than him right now! Our free idea book is coming soon, so hopefully that will give us cool things to do together!
We have a busy week ahead, and I can't believe March is nearly upon us! Hurry up, spring!
Craig also sent me a couple more from Carter's birthday trip to Chuck E. Cheese. Here we are on the motion simulator ride, going through a mine shaft roller coaster ride!
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| Carter loved it! |
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| Craig liked this picture because you can see our reflections! |
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| Peeking at me before he hit the "rock wall" |
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| We also sat on the other side of the rink where I've almost never sat for hockey. I've mostly sat somewhere near the corner out of the picture to my right. |
Meanwhile, Carter and I were back at home. He was pretty patient with me all day as I did a ton of prep work for his party. After a lazy enough morning, we headed out around 11:30 to pick up all the party food at Wegmans. We hit up a bunch of samples, loaded up the cart, and headed home for lunch and lots of cleaning. I got a good amount of work done before allowing myself to sit down and play for a while, but Carter did a great job keeping himself occupied. Then we headed out for dinner, and his choice was Taco Bell. He totally cracked me up as he ate his taco, because he folded it in half in a way where both ends could be upright and spillproof! It was almost like a cone, with a point at the bottom. I posted this photo with the hashtag #gamechanger because I seriously never thought of that, and it totally worked.
We made a quick stop at Payless on the way home--it was across the parking lot and I hadn't been there in ages, and I knew it was prime clearance time and I had a 20% coupon, so I had to look. And before Carter complained he had to pee, I picked out two pairs of very basic, very useful shoes--patent black pointy toed heels and a beige patent wedge--that I got for a grand total of $15! Score! I don't even need the heels right now, but when I can get basic shoes I will definitely use when my current ones bite the dust, and can get them cheap, I do it! It's the little things sometimes.
Back home, we watched the last night of Olympic competition and happened to catch bobsledding. Carter remembered that he had a Hot Wheels bobsled vehicle, so he pulled out some track and started running it down. Then I suggested we get more track and make a real run of it, and this was the result...
We had track going down the chaise end of the couch, down to the floor, and running into a barrier to stop it before it hit the bricks near the fireplace. We had a blast sending it down over and over again! He is such a fun little buddy most of the time!
After all of the fun Sunday, Monday night was a mess of presents all over the living room. Two Lego creations to be built, and Imaginext and Lego guys everywhere! I was doing more research on the new magnetic tiles, and while I'm still not thrilled with how some of them stick, I did find some ways to use them. Consider it a work in progress, but I seriously love using them--maybe even more than him right now! Our free idea book is coming soon, so hopefully that will give us cool things to do together!
We have a busy week ahead, and I can't believe March is nearly upon us! Hurry up, spring!
Monday, February 26, 2018
Celebrating the Birthday Boy!
After waiting a couple weeks to work around work schedules and extended family sports schedules (which didn't end up working out anyway), we were finally able to wrap up our celebrations of Carter's 5th birthday with a party yesterday. The bummer was that Craig's brother, sister-in-law, and two of our nephews were unable to attend due to sports, and my dad had a cold and opted to keep his germs to himself. We still had a nice little group, though. The good news is that it was actually a pretty decent day outside, so Jacob and his big cousins (and Carter, for a while) were able to play lacrosse outside, which I think made it a little easier for Jacob who had been so looking forward to having his other cousins (one and two years older than him) at his house.
The preparations for the party seemed to take days even though we were just getting pizza and wings. I only made a couple other dishes for the meal plus one appetizer, but the house cleaning and shopping seemed endless for a while! I took off work Friday--partly because Jacob really wanted the day off and partly because I had so much to do--and in the end it helped a lot. I was actually pretty ahead of the game by the time the party started, and it was nice to enjoy most of the party for a change. It helps that Carter's parties are all indoors, as opposed to Jacob's which are usually outside and far from the kitchen! It was really nice catching up with my aunts (including the one whose husband passed away recently) and two of my cousins. So many of my childhood memories come from times with my extended family, and it's always special to have them at our home.
The birthday boy made out very well! He received three Lego sets, including this gigantic one...
Craig took most of the night putting it together, and the pizza truck and dinosaur from Uncle John's family had to wait until tonight!
Craig's parents got him more Imaginext stuff to go with the sets he's been playing with a lot lately. He has pretty much everything from the Yeti and Egyptian lines now, and that means we have a full set of explorers and gear. He is loving that stuff!
My mom gave him three shirts and the additional set of magnetic tiles. This set has domes and arches. I'm not as thrilled with this set as I'd hoped, since one type of arch doesn't seem to have magnets as strong as the rest. I need to play with it more and then we'll see if the company has any suggestions. But he still loves the tiles and I think some of these pieces will be really fun to use!
He also got some money that we will squirrel away! All in all, he made out really well and I'm happy that everything he got pretty much goes with stuff he already has. We're starting to narrow down interests now, and I think we're on the verge of a purge to move out more of the little kid stuff and make better spaces to use the big kid stuff. He's really good at using what's around to create stuff, so I'll be conservative with those choices, but editing is definitely needed!
As usual, the cake was a major focus. It took us so long to pick a theme this time, but thankfully Carter's interest in soccer finally gave us a focus. Of course, I'd done a soccer cake for Jacob when he turned four, and I didn't want to have to compete with that one, so Pinterest to the rescue!
I got a good head start on Saturday night, but it still literally gave me nightmares! Probably didn't help that I didn't feel great, which left me in that awkward half asleep stage for most of the night, but I was very concerned about all of the lines and running out of frosting! But in the end, it turned out great!
My sweet boy was very happy with it!
It was a really nice day and it was great having everyone over to celebrate our awesome little guy. Seems like yesterday that we were doing this for the first time (not just with Carter, but with Jacob, too!), and here we are with a big kid. Not sure where time has gone, but at this point it really needs to slow down! Happy Birthday Carter!
The preparations for the party seemed to take days even though we were just getting pizza and wings. I only made a couple other dishes for the meal plus one appetizer, but the house cleaning and shopping seemed endless for a while! I took off work Friday--partly because Jacob really wanted the day off and partly because I had so much to do--and in the end it helped a lot. I was actually pretty ahead of the game by the time the party started, and it was nice to enjoy most of the party for a change. It helps that Carter's parties are all indoors, as opposed to Jacob's which are usually outside and far from the kitchen! It was really nice catching up with my aunts (including the one whose husband passed away recently) and two of my cousins. So many of my childhood memories come from times with my extended family, and it's always special to have them at our home.
The birthday boy made out very well! He received three Lego sets, including this gigantic one...
Craig took most of the night putting it together, and the pizza truck and dinosaur from Uncle John's family had to wait until tonight!
Craig's parents got him more Imaginext stuff to go with the sets he's been playing with a lot lately. He has pretty much everything from the Yeti and Egyptian lines now, and that means we have a full set of explorers and gear. He is loving that stuff!
My mom gave him three shirts and the additional set of magnetic tiles. This set has domes and arches. I'm not as thrilled with this set as I'd hoped, since one type of arch doesn't seem to have magnets as strong as the rest. I need to play with it more and then we'll see if the company has any suggestions. But he still loves the tiles and I think some of these pieces will be really fun to use!
He also got some money that we will squirrel away! All in all, he made out really well and I'm happy that everything he got pretty much goes with stuff he already has. We're starting to narrow down interests now, and I think we're on the verge of a purge to move out more of the little kid stuff and make better spaces to use the big kid stuff. He's really good at using what's around to create stuff, so I'll be conservative with those choices, but editing is definitely needed!
As usual, the cake was a major focus. It took us so long to pick a theme this time, but thankfully Carter's interest in soccer finally gave us a focus. Of course, I'd done a soccer cake for Jacob when he turned four, and I didn't want to have to compete with that one, so Pinterest to the rescue!
I got a good head start on Saturday night, but it still literally gave me nightmares! Probably didn't help that I didn't feel great, which left me in that awkward half asleep stage for most of the night, but I was very concerned about all of the lines and running out of frosting! But in the end, it turned out great!
My sweet boy was very happy with it!
It was a really nice day and it was great having everyone over to celebrate our awesome little guy. Seems like yesterday that we were doing this for the first time (not just with Carter, but with Jacob, too!), and here we are with a big kid. Not sure where time has gone, but at this point it really needs to slow down! Happy Birthday Carter!
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Anxiety
Lately a big theme around our house has been anxiety. I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, but I've always been a worrier. I come by it honestly, as my dad is, too. I didn't even know anxiety was an actual diagnosis until a few years ago, and clearly I've thought about it a lot with everything we've gone through with Jacob, so I can't help but wonder if I've got a bit of low-level stuff going on right now. No panic attacks or anything, but just an underlying sense of concern and dread about almost everything.
It was actually worse a couple weeks ago. I think it's just the convergence of a lot of stuff. It's been a battle against my fear of this horrible flu season, the threat of stomach bugs this time of year, everything we deal with with Jacob, a few random (but generally unfounded) concerns with Carter, my uncle's passing, and just the general feeling that nothing is in my control--which is absolutely true, and while I should be comforted that an all-knowing, loving God is the one in control, clearly that doesn't stop bad things from happening. I then feel guilty because I'm worrying about things that aren't even happening, when I should just be focused on all of the good stuff I do have in my life. Enjoy it while you have it, you know? The harsh perspective when something bad does happen and you realize how much worse life can be (and how lucky you were before) is on my mind a lot.
I've long tried to remind myself that God created us to enjoy life. He specifically told us not to worry. In Matthew He says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." It's very true. I'll get to this a bit more soon, but as I've been scanning my parents' photo albums, it's been a roller coaster of emotions seeing those that are no longer with us. It's great to see them in better times but sad to know they're no longer here. I've thought about how sad everyone in those pictures would be if they had any idea of what the future held. So, while they may have savored that particular moment just a bit more, it would have detracted from the joy they had if they knew the future. Which is why we don't know ahead of time. God did that for a reason. Focusing on today--and doing our best to savor it and make the most of it--is the best thing for all of us.
The problem? I'm a planner. I try to avoid future challenges by planning ahead, but in doing that I'm setting myself up for additional worry. I want to ensure I'm not forgetting anything or setting myself up to fail, but then I have a lot of time to think about how things might go wrong or whether I made the right decisions leading up.
The other problem? I don't like feeling stupid. When I plan too far ahead, I feel like I'm setting myself up for some epic failure because I put too much stock in things going as planned. I don't even like packing too far ahead of a trip because I worry we'll get sick and never make it. I worry that if I enjoy a moment too much and assume the good will continue, that my foolish shortsightedness will be met with a tough reality check. I think about my kids and how we should have many more birthdays to come...but then look at my friends whose kids never got those birthdays to celebrate, and feel guilty for assuming anything. I want to live in the moment and appreciate it to the fullest, but often the only way to get myself to do that is to realize that it may be more short-lived and non-repeatable than I think. "Enjoy it now because you may not get another chance," my brain says. And while we should all live that way to some degree, I think my brain attempts to take it to that darker step further, if only because I don't want to be caught off-guard if something happens. So, I think about the worst-case scenario and picture how I'll deal with it...no matter how presumptuous it may be. I'm starting to think that's probably not normal, nor healthy.
This week has been a rough one for Jacob, and I'm starting to think he's dealing with some level of anxiety or possibly low-grade depression himself. It's been a rough year at school. His performance so far has been fine, but he doesn't like his teacher anymore and that seems to be impacting his desire to go. I think she's gotten a bit nit-picky with his behavior, that she's quick to judge and yell if he's doing something other than what she thinks he should be doing. I've tried to explain that he won't always like his teachers or bosses or co-workers, and this is good practice for learning to manage that and make the best of it. But I also know he used to like school and does make a good effort when he feels motivated. I think all of the nit-picking is driving down his motivation. He seems to feel like he's getting a raw deal, so I guess I can't blame him for being discouraged. It's not an excuse to give up and phone it in for the rest of the year, but I get it.
Well, this week is break. In a perfect world, we'd be off on a fun family vacation like (apparently) many of his friends are doing. Or at the very least lounging and resting at home. Instead, Craig and I are crazy busy at work, and Jacob's been going to the same camp he does in the summer. Unfortunately, things are a little different and all of it has him bemoaning and rehashing everything--which I think is an anxiety thing. He was worrying about having to take his snow boots in case they went outside in the 60+ degree weather the other day, since it could have been muddy. He was worried about getting hurt ice skating, or missing the fun if he opted out. He also doesn't like the one counselor. I think that counselor's technique reminds him a little too much of his teacher's, so my hunch is that he thought he'd be getting a week off from that, and it threw him off when he encountered it in a place he didn't expect. Ultimately he shared that he "just needs a break", which I get. I spent every break and summer lounging around the house, and yes, I loved it. I don't blame him for wanting to do that. Craig gave him some time at home yesterday and I'm doing the same tomorrow (partly because I have a lot of preparation for Carter's party this weekend), so hopefully that helps a little. But to see him so upset and unable to work his way through his problems this week concerned me. We'll be chatting with the therapist next week, for sure.
A few weeks ago at my mom's group at church, the leader brought this book, "Anxious for Nothing" by Max Lucado. She read a few passages out of it and I was instantly convinced I need to read it. Of course, I have a stack of books waiting for me already, but I'm going to have to track that one down and read it. I don't think I realized how all-encompassing the anxiety was becoming until she read the book out loud and I identified with it so much. I don't like how the worries and worst-case scenarios infiltrate my thoughts so often, but the good news is that their impact goes in cycles. Sometimes they bother me more, sometimes I can quiet them. One of these times when I can't, I'll finally probably go talk to someone about it. Life is hard enough without worrying about endless what-ifs.
I'm trying to savor life without the dark side creeping in, but it's not easy. When you have a blessed life it's easy to look around and see those who don't, and wonder when your turn will come. It's a horrible way to think, isn't it? Hopefully at some point I'll find that cautiously optimistic happy medium where I can live in the moment without obsessing about when it will end. Time will tell.
It was actually worse a couple weeks ago. I think it's just the convergence of a lot of stuff. It's been a battle against my fear of this horrible flu season, the threat of stomach bugs this time of year, everything we deal with with Jacob, a few random (but generally unfounded) concerns with Carter, my uncle's passing, and just the general feeling that nothing is in my control--which is absolutely true, and while I should be comforted that an all-knowing, loving God is the one in control, clearly that doesn't stop bad things from happening. I then feel guilty because I'm worrying about things that aren't even happening, when I should just be focused on all of the good stuff I do have in my life. Enjoy it while you have it, you know? The harsh perspective when something bad does happen and you realize how much worse life can be (and how lucky you were before) is on my mind a lot.
I've long tried to remind myself that God created us to enjoy life. He specifically told us not to worry. In Matthew He says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." It's very true. I'll get to this a bit more soon, but as I've been scanning my parents' photo albums, it's been a roller coaster of emotions seeing those that are no longer with us. It's great to see them in better times but sad to know they're no longer here. I've thought about how sad everyone in those pictures would be if they had any idea of what the future held. So, while they may have savored that particular moment just a bit more, it would have detracted from the joy they had if they knew the future. Which is why we don't know ahead of time. God did that for a reason. Focusing on today--and doing our best to savor it and make the most of it--is the best thing for all of us.
The problem? I'm a planner. I try to avoid future challenges by planning ahead, but in doing that I'm setting myself up for additional worry. I want to ensure I'm not forgetting anything or setting myself up to fail, but then I have a lot of time to think about how things might go wrong or whether I made the right decisions leading up.
The other problem? I don't like feeling stupid. When I plan too far ahead, I feel like I'm setting myself up for some epic failure because I put too much stock in things going as planned. I don't even like packing too far ahead of a trip because I worry we'll get sick and never make it. I worry that if I enjoy a moment too much and assume the good will continue, that my foolish shortsightedness will be met with a tough reality check. I think about my kids and how we should have many more birthdays to come...but then look at my friends whose kids never got those birthdays to celebrate, and feel guilty for assuming anything. I want to live in the moment and appreciate it to the fullest, but often the only way to get myself to do that is to realize that it may be more short-lived and non-repeatable than I think. "Enjoy it now because you may not get another chance," my brain says. And while we should all live that way to some degree, I think my brain attempts to take it to that darker step further, if only because I don't want to be caught off-guard if something happens. So, I think about the worst-case scenario and picture how I'll deal with it...no matter how presumptuous it may be. I'm starting to think that's probably not normal, nor healthy.
This week has been a rough one for Jacob, and I'm starting to think he's dealing with some level of anxiety or possibly low-grade depression himself. It's been a rough year at school. His performance so far has been fine, but he doesn't like his teacher anymore and that seems to be impacting his desire to go. I think she's gotten a bit nit-picky with his behavior, that she's quick to judge and yell if he's doing something other than what she thinks he should be doing. I've tried to explain that he won't always like his teachers or bosses or co-workers, and this is good practice for learning to manage that and make the best of it. But I also know he used to like school and does make a good effort when he feels motivated. I think all of the nit-picking is driving down his motivation. He seems to feel like he's getting a raw deal, so I guess I can't blame him for being discouraged. It's not an excuse to give up and phone it in for the rest of the year, but I get it.
Well, this week is break. In a perfect world, we'd be off on a fun family vacation like (apparently) many of his friends are doing. Or at the very least lounging and resting at home. Instead, Craig and I are crazy busy at work, and Jacob's been going to the same camp he does in the summer. Unfortunately, things are a little different and all of it has him bemoaning and rehashing everything--which I think is an anxiety thing. He was worrying about having to take his snow boots in case they went outside in the 60+ degree weather the other day, since it could have been muddy. He was worried about getting hurt ice skating, or missing the fun if he opted out. He also doesn't like the one counselor. I think that counselor's technique reminds him a little too much of his teacher's, so my hunch is that he thought he'd be getting a week off from that, and it threw him off when he encountered it in a place he didn't expect. Ultimately he shared that he "just needs a break", which I get. I spent every break and summer lounging around the house, and yes, I loved it. I don't blame him for wanting to do that. Craig gave him some time at home yesterday and I'm doing the same tomorrow (partly because I have a lot of preparation for Carter's party this weekend), so hopefully that helps a little. But to see him so upset and unable to work his way through his problems this week concerned me. We'll be chatting with the therapist next week, for sure.
A few weeks ago at my mom's group at church, the leader brought this book, "Anxious for Nothing" by Max Lucado. She read a few passages out of it and I was instantly convinced I need to read it. Of course, I have a stack of books waiting for me already, but I'm going to have to track that one down and read it. I don't think I realized how all-encompassing the anxiety was becoming until she read the book out loud and I identified with it so much. I don't like how the worries and worst-case scenarios infiltrate my thoughts so often, but the good news is that their impact goes in cycles. Sometimes they bother me more, sometimes I can quiet them. One of these times when I can't, I'll finally probably go talk to someone about it. Life is hard enough without worrying about endless what-ifs.
I'm trying to savor life without the dark side creeping in, but it's not easy. When you have a blessed life it's easy to look around and see those who don't, and wonder when your turn will come. It's a horrible way to think, isn't it? Hopefully at some point I'll find that cautiously optimistic happy medium where I can live in the moment without obsessing about when it will end. Time will tell.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Soccer and Stuff
This week we finished off Carter's six weeks of soccer. We're sorry it's over, but I'll be happy to get my normal grocery shopping night back since I feel like our schedule has been wonky since soccer took over Tuesday nights! That's Jacob's normal practice night so it was always easy for Carter and me to grocery shop during that time and meet the guys at home for a late dinner. Instead we had to take over another night for shopping, which led to another late dinner. But I loved watching him play soccer and having a night to run into lacrosse friends, so I'll definitely miss that a bit!
A couple weeks ago they had the kids playing with the parachute, which was fun to watch. I loved parachute day in gym class when I was a kid, so it was cool to see Carter get to enjoy it, too.
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| Flapping it around |
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| Getting some air |
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| Running underneath the mushroom |
It seemed like everyone had a lot of fun, and it made me smile to watch! I have no idea what it had to do with soccer, but I think it's more about getting the kids moving and maybe offering something up to kids who may not have embraced the soccer part as much.
Last time we went to Jacob's therapy appointment, we were talking about Jacob's amazing setup of Hot Wheels Football a year ago. That--and the Superbowl--inspired him to do it again. I actually have a video of the whole setup, but I know he'd probably freak out with that floating around on the internet a few years from now, so we'll stick with the photos.
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| He re-did the field signs on his Playmobil soccer field, set up some spectators, and even had a band for halftime. He also used a flashlight for the pregame show. |
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| He freehanded that helmet using a YouTube How To Draw tutorial |
He was very proud to show the therapist everything this past week, and it kept the boys busy for a couple nights, which is always helpful. Let me tell you, when Jacob is passionate about something, he really goes all out!
On our way to soccer this week, we stopped at a grocery store on the way to pick up something I forgot for Carter's Valentine's party, and since he had been singing on the way there, I asked him to do it again on video. Thankfully, he obliged. I have no idea where this came from, though since he was going to soccer I suppose it was appropriate. But tell me this isn't the cutest thing...
The last night of soccer was bittersweet. It definitely took me back to Jacob's last night, Valentine's Day 2013, otherwise known as the hardest day of my pregnancy with Carter and the day before he was born. In fact, there was a pregnant mom next to us when we got there and I could sort of tell she was "done" for the day, much like I was that night five years ago. Ahhhhh, memories.
I finally got off my butt and took a few pictures of the action...
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| Ready to throw down the ball to kick it into the net |
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| Someone caught my lurking with the camera and decided to pose! |
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| Kicking his ball in |
They finished off with one last huddle and cheer...
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| Proud graduate! |
Friday, February 16, 2018
The Big Day!
Anyway, let's rewind to Wednesday night. Craig was in Canada, I'd given the boys some candy for their Valentine's Day present, and we were settling in to play before bedtime when Carter asked me to play with him. We played cars and Carter was being so good that I decided I needed to take a picture of him on his last night as a four-year-old. I'm not gonna lie--five is a tough one for me. That is officially big boy territory, and not even a little bit baby era anymore. I can pretend for a little while since he's still in preschool, but man...five sounds so big!
Anyway, I absolutely LOVE this picture.
I love this kid so much. After that he wanted to put on his badge and have me take a picture of him...so I did.
I have been nervous the past few days about Carter getting sick, because a couple kids in his class have had stomach bugs this week. Then when he woke up on his birthday complaining about his stomach "muscles" being sore from playing with Jacob the day before, I got nervous. Who knows what he can figure out about his body at this point? By some miracle he hasn't had a stomach bug in a couple years, so I don't think he remembers much. As a result of my nervousness, I made sure to take our annual picture in the morning, just in case, because I knew the result would be significantly worse if he came home sick. I took two shots and in both he looks giant and grown up, doesn't he?
Luckily, he got through the day just fine, so we were able to have the fun evening we had planned. First up was presents!
He got two Hot Wheels cars, a cool Scooby-Doo t-shirt...
...three books, including a Lego Ninjago reader, a Lego word book that will be great when he does start reading, and one called "The Scrambled States of America" that anthropomorphizes the states. I got it through the Kohl's Cares rack a while back and it looks cute. I figure it'll be a good way to start him recognizing state shapes now!
He also got an Imaginext Yeti Catapult he'd had his eye on, and hearing him triumphantly say "Catapult!" when he saw it was pretty cute! His big gift was one that I was very excited about. Part of me was terrified he'd hate it, but it's probably one of the only kid gifts ever that I wanted to get out and play with before his birthday ever arrived! I knew it was something he loves to play with at daycare, but maybe he wouldn't be as interested at home?
But he liked it! It remains to be seen how often he'll want to play with them, but so far he's excited about his new magnetic tiles...and good thing because--shhhhh--Grandma got a different set for him, too!
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| I swear he posed like that by himself! |
Once the gifts were done, we headed out to Chuck E. Cheese!
We ate pizza, played a bunch of games, and ultimately only got five long Tootsie Rolls with some bonus tickets we won off our cups. The boys opted to save the big batches of tickets. We have them going back a few years now, so hopefully one of these years there will be something they really want...and can agree on! A big bunch of last night's tickets came from Jacob's big win on this captain's wheel game--he got the jackpot, 100 tickets!
My only regret is that the photo machine was out of paper, because we have three pictures on our fridge from this time of year going back to when Carter was just a baby! As a whole the boys got along well and Jacob even tried to help Carter with a few games. We had a little time for Carter to play with his toys when we got home, and then it was time for bed! It didn't feel like enough celebrating to do him justice, but I know he had a good day and we're all looking forward to his party next weekend!
It blows my mind to think my baby is so big, since this seemed impossibly far away five years ago. And suddenly, we're here! We started his new year with his well visit this morning, and we found out he grew three inches this year! Of course, I don't think he gained much weight because his BMI is down to the 5th percentile now, but his doctor doesn't seem too concerned. We'll keep an eye on a couple things for now, but since he seems perfectly fine, so far so good. He does now have a major fear of needles (as confirmed by his last blood work and today's four shots--poor kid), so God forbid he needs surgery because the IV will pretty much make him lose his mind. But I can't complain...he's still the sweetest, most charming little boy I could have asked for, and as I told him, as long as he keeps giving me hugs and kisses, he's allowed to keep growing up! Happy 5th Birthday Carter!
Thursday, February 15, 2018
FIVE!
Dear Carter,
Half a decade? How?! It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was dragging through the last few days of being pregnant with you (not that I knew it at the time!), worried that I was going to go into labor any minute. I was so excited to meet you, but I also knew that this was probably my last time being pregnant so I wanted to try to enjoy those last moments as much as I could. You definitely didn't make it easy, and it was such a relief when you were born early! You were my tiny little baby, and now you're five! You're already a few months older than your brother was when you were born, you're going to Kindergarten in the fall, and you are turning into such a big boy right before my eyes! I just can't believe it.
I won't lie--this year has been a trying one. You've always been a sweet boy, but lately you've been testing boundaries and making your opinions known. You know what you want, you know when you don't want to stop, you're pretty specific about what you eat, and you're not a fan of bedtime. "No" has become a frequently uttered word, and you're not afraid to use your fists (or feet) of fury to show us your displeasure. I know that a lot of the aggression comes from being used to having to defend yourself around your brother, so even though we remind you it's not appropriate, especially at daycare, I know it's going to be a tough habit to break. We're working on it.
Speaking of which, your relationship with your brother is probably odder than ever--one minute you each think the other is the best friend you've ever had, and the next you're beating each other up. You like being a part of his big kid stuff, and he likes having a built-in playmate. But then someone oversteps a boundary, and you're both immediately having a physical battle over the dumbest little thing. You hold your own most of the time, but Daddy and I are pretty tired of refereeing and telling you guys, "I told you so," when one or the other comes over to us with an injury. It scares me to see you guys like this, but the handful of good moments provide more hope than we've had previously that at some point you might learn to tolerate one another.
One of the side effects of keeping our sanity around you two is that we've probably let electronics rule the roost a bit more than we'd like. And much like your brother has always taken to sports, you take to screens. When we started noticing that you were less able to turn them off when needed, we had to limit them a lot more. You can still use your Leap Pad when needed, and maybe your hand-me-down Leapster once in a while, but things like the tablet, Daddy's phone, or Grandpa's iPad are only for special occasions. The educational stuff I don't mind, but the mindless stuff we're trying to limit because you're smarter than that! As a result of more screen time recently, your regular toys have been a bit lonely, but we're trying to reverse that trend a bit. Hopefully you will continue to rediscover things you like now that we're getting you back on the right track. It helps when Jacob wants to have toy "battles" with you, because every Lego, Imaginext, Playmobil, and army guy in your possession becomes part of the fight. So at least you're still playing with those! But you do still like your Hot Wheels cars and books, and you like to play around with your stuffed animals. I know there's imagination in there, and I want to find it again!
You have taken up a new love lately--soccer! Your brother is annoyed it isn't lacrosse, but I keep telling him that he should do what he can to nurture this like, because maybe it will lead to a love of others down the road! We started you playing soccer at the beginning of January, and you really love it! I can't say you're the next superstar, but the joy on your face when you're running around or helping your coach afterward is so sweet. Your six weeks ended earlier this week (one day short of five years to the day when Jacob finished his--on the day before you were born!), so now we're on the hunt for a team to join once the weather gets nice. Looks like I might end up being a soccer mom after all! And a goalie mom at that, since you seem awfully fond of that net!
Even though I feel like you're more of a social butterfly than Jacob ever was, you also appear to be more of an introvert. I think that's part of the reason you love video games and TV shows so much, because it gives you a way to chill...and given how you're usually running at top speed, I can see how it might be needed. Many days you ask if you can stay home from daycare. You ask for Mommy-Carter days or Daddy-Carter days (or the almighty Mommy-Daddy-Carter day) quite often, and we've been giving you a few here and there since school starts in the fall and we won't be able to have that one-on-one time on random days anymore. We love those days as much as you do!
You are such a different kid than Jacob ever was, so raising you has been quite the adventure. I figured we'd be old pros at this by now, but your addition to our family has definitely kept us on our toes. I can't complain, though, since you have saved me many times from thinking I can't do anything right! When I'm feeling down about something, you're the first to run in with a hug and kiss. You tell me all the time, randomly, that you love me, and you give me the sweetest compliments, like that I'm "the best cook!" Your smile brightens my day and your snuggles are the best!
You have a big year ahead of you. You'll graduate from daycare, maybe start a real team sport, and go to school. You'll start learning to read books and write words. You'll make new friends and start taking those small steps out into the world. I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but for now we'll do it together. I will savor every moment where you'll still hold my hand, give me kisses, and cuddle me on the couch. They won't last much longer, so I'll take what I can get. You're my last little boy and watching you grow has been equally awesome and sad. I know how fast this all goes, and each stage with you has been such a joy that it's hard to watch one pass, no matter how great the next one is! I love you so much and I'm so proud to be your mama.
Happy 5th Birthday sweet boy!
Love,
Mommy
Half a decade? How?! It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was dragging through the last few days of being pregnant with you (not that I knew it at the time!), worried that I was going to go into labor any minute. I was so excited to meet you, but I also knew that this was probably my last time being pregnant so I wanted to try to enjoy those last moments as much as I could. You definitely didn't make it easy, and it was such a relief when you were born early! You were my tiny little baby, and now you're five! You're already a few months older than your brother was when you were born, you're going to Kindergarten in the fall, and you are turning into such a big boy right before my eyes! I just can't believe it.
I won't lie--this year has been a trying one. You've always been a sweet boy, but lately you've been testing boundaries and making your opinions known. You know what you want, you know when you don't want to stop, you're pretty specific about what you eat, and you're not a fan of bedtime. "No" has become a frequently uttered word, and you're not afraid to use your fists (or feet) of fury to show us your displeasure. I know that a lot of the aggression comes from being used to having to defend yourself around your brother, so even though we remind you it's not appropriate, especially at daycare, I know it's going to be a tough habit to break. We're working on it.
Speaking of which, your relationship with your brother is probably odder than ever--one minute you each think the other is the best friend you've ever had, and the next you're beating each other up. You like being a part of his big kid stuff, and he likes having a built-in playmate. But then someone oversteps a boundary, and you're both immediately having a physical battle over the dumbest little thing. You hold your own most of the time, but Daddy and I are pretty tired of refereeing and telling you guys, "I told you so," when one or the other comes over to us with an injury. It scares me to see you guys like this, but the handful of good moments provide more hope than we've had previously that at some point you might learn to tolerate one another.
One of the side effects of keeping our sanity around you two is that we've probably let electronics rule the roost a bit more than we'd like. And much like your brother has always taken to sports, you take to screens. When we started noticing that you were less able to turn them off when needed, we had to limit them a lot more. You can still use your Leap Pad when needed, and maybe your hand-me-down Leapster once in a while, but things like the tablet, Daddy's phone, or Grandpa's iPad are only for special occasions. The educational stuff I don't mind, but the mindless stuff we're trying to limit because you're smarter than that! As a result of more screen time recently, your regular toys have been a bit lonely, but we're trying to reverse that trend a bit. Hopefully you will continue to rediscover things you like now that we're getting you back on the right track. It helps when Jacob wants to have toy "battles" with you, because every Lego, Imaginext, Playmobil, and army guy in your possession becomes part of the fight. So at least you're still playing with those! But you do still like your Hot Wheels cars and books, and you like to play around with your stuffed animals. I know there's imagination in there, and I want to find it again!
You have taken up a new love lately--soccer! Your brother is annoyed it isn't lacrosse, but I keep telling him that he should do what he can to nurture this like, because maybe it will lead to a love of others down the road! We started you playing soccer at the beginning of January, and you really love it! I can't say you're the next superstar, but the joy on your face when you're running around or helping your coach afterward is so sweet. Your six weeks ended earlier this week (one day short of five years to the day when Jacob finished his--on the day before you were born!), so now we're on the hunt for a team to join once the weather gets nice. Looks like I might end up being a soccer mom after all! And a goalie mom at that, since you seem awfully fond of that net!
Even though I feel like you're more of a social butterfly than Jacob ever was, you also appear to be more of an introvert. I think that's part of the reason you love video games and TV shows so much, because it gives you a way to chill...and given how you're usually running at top speed, I can see how it might be needed. Many days you ask if you can stay home from daycare. You ask for Mommy-Carter days or Daddy-Carter days (or the almighty Mommy-Daddy-Carter day) quite often, and we've been giving you a few here and there since school starts in the fall and we won't be able to have that one-on-one time on random days anymore. We love those days as much as you do!
You are such a different kid than Jacob ever was, so raising you has been quite the adventure. I figured we'd be old pros at this by now, but your addition to our family has definitely kept us on our toes. I can't complain, though, since you have saved me many times from thinking I can't do anything right! When I'm feeling down about something, you're the first to run in with a hug and kiss. You tell me all the time, randomly, that you love me, and you give me the sweetest compliments, like that I'm "the best cook!" Your smile brightens my day and your snuggles are the best!
You have a big year ahead of you. You'll graduate from daycare, maybe start a real team sport, and go to school. You'll start learning to read books and write words. You'll make new friends and start taking those small steps out into the world. I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but for now we'll do it together. I will savor every moment where you'll still hold my hand, give me kisses, and cuddle me on the couch. They won't last much longer, so I'll take what I can get. You're my last little boy and watching you grow has been equally awesome and sad. I know how fast this all goes, and each stage with you has been such a joy that it's hard to watch one pass, no matter how great the next one is! I love you so much and I'm so proud to be your mama.
Happy 5th Birthday sweet boy!
Love,
Mommy
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