FIVE!

Dear Carter,

Half a decade?  How?!  It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was dragging through the last few days of being pregnant with you (not that I knew it at the time!), worried that I was going to go into labor any minute.  I was so excited to meet you, but I also knew that this was probably my last time being pregnant so I wanted to try to enjoy those last moments as much as I could.  You definitely didn't make it easy, and it was such a relief when you were born early!  You were my tiny little baby, and now you're five!  You're already a few months older than your brother was when you were born, you're going to Kindergarten in the fall, and you are turning into such a big boy right before my eyes!  I just can't believe it.

I won't lie--this year has been a trying one.  You've always been a sweet boy, but lately you've been testing boundaries and making your opinions known.  You know what you want, you know when you don't want to stop, you're pretty specific about what you eat, and you're not a fan of bedtime.  "No" has become a frequently uttered word, and you're not afraid to use your fists (or feet) of fury to show us your displeasure.  I know that a lot of the aggression comes from being used to having to defend yourself around your brother, so even though we remind you it's not appropriate, especially at daycare, I know it's going to be a tough habit to break.  We're working on it.

Speaking of which, your relationship with your brother is probably odder than ever--one minute you each think the other is the best friend you've ever had, and the next you're beating each other up.  You like being a part of his big kid stuff, and he likes having a built-in playmate.  But then someone oversteps a boundary, and you're both immediately having a physical battle over the dumbest little thing.  You hold your own most of the time, but Daddy and I are pretty tired of refereeing and telling you guys, "I told you so," when one or the other comes over to us with an injury.  It scares me to see you guys like this, but the handful of good moments provide more hope than we've had previously that at some point you might learn to tolerate one another.

One of the side effects of keeping our sanity around you two is that we've probably let electronics rule the roost a bit more than we'd like.  And much like your brother has always taken to sports, you take to screens.  When we started noticing that you were less able to turn them off when needed, we had to limit them a lot more.  You can still use your Leap Pad when needed, and maybe your hand-me-down Leapster once in a while, but things like the tablet, Daddy's phone, or Grandpa's iPad are only for special occasions.  The educational stuff I don't mind, but the mindless stuff we're trying to limit because you're smarter than that!  As a result of more screen time recently, your regular toys have been a bit lonely, but we're trying to reverse that trend a bit.  Hopefully you will continue to rediscover things you like now that we're getting you back on the right track.  It helps when Jacob wants to have toy "battles" with you, because every Lego, Imaginext, Playmobil, and army guy in your possession becomes part of the fight.  So at least you're still playing with those!  But you do still like your Hot Wheels cars and books, and you like to play around with your stuffed animals.  I know there's imagination in there, and I want to find it again!

You have taken up a new love lately--soccer!  Your brother is annoyed it isn't lacrosse, but I keep telling him that he should do what he can to nurture this like, because maybe it will lead to a love of others down the road!  We started you playing soccer at the beginning of January, and you really love it!  I can't say you're the next superstar, but the joy on your face when you're running around or helping your coach afterward is so sweet.  Your six weeks ended earlier this week (one day short of five years to the day when Jacob finished his--on the day before you were born!), so now we're on the hunt for a team to join once the weather gets nice.  Looks like I might end up being a soccer mom after all!  And a goalie mom at that, since you seem awfully fond of that net!

Even though I feel like you're more of a social butterfly than Jacob ever was, you also appear to be more of an introvert.  I think that's part of the reason you love video games and TV shows so much, because it gives you a way to chill...and given how you're usually running at top speed, I can see how it might be needed.  Many days you ask if you can stay home from daycare.  You ask for Mommy-Carter days or Daddy-Carter days (or the almighty Mommy-Daddy-Carter day) quite often, and we've been giving you a few here and there since school starts in the fall and we won't be able to have that one-on-one time on random days anymore.  We love those days as much as you do!

You are such a different kid than Jacob ever was, so raising you has been quite the adventure.  I figured we'd be old pros at this by now, but your addition to our family has definitely kept us on our toes.  I can't complain, though, since you have saved me many times from thinking I can't do anything right!  When I'm feeling down about something, you're the first to run in with a hug and kiss.  You tell me all the time, randomly, that you love me, and you give me the sweetest compliments, like that I'm "the best cook!"  Your smile brightens my day and your snuggles are the best!

You have a big year ahead of you.  You'll graduate from daycare, maybe start a real team sport, and  go to school.  You'll start learning to read books and write words.  You'll make new friends and start taking those small steps out into the world.  I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but for now we'll do it together.  I will savor every moment where you'll still hold my hand, give me kisses, and cuddle me on the couch.  They won't last much longer, so I'll take what I can get.  You're my last little boy and watching you grow has been equally awesome and sad.  I know how fast this all goes, and each stage with you has been such a joy that it's hard to watch one pass, no matter how great the next one is!  I love you so much and I'm so proud to be your mama.

Happy 5th Birthday sweet boy!

Love,
Mommy