Parenting books and blogs exist for a reason. Everyone wants advice on how to deal with their issues. It doesn't matter that every kid is different. When you're going through a tough phase, all you want to do is hear how other people got through it and try everything until something works. And while it's always helpful to try something (see my "progress" post from a few weeks ago), ultimately you can't get past the fact that every kid is different and there isn't always going to be an easy, cookie-cutter fix.
Raising a kid like Jacob makes this issue painfully obvious. As hard as it is to raise a normal kid, it's that much harder to raise a kid that doesn't fit any typical mold. We want to try to raise a well-mannered, responsible, caring child, but there are so many simple parenting tips and tricks that simply don't work with him. The fact is, he's now six years old and we're dealing with a lot of problems I thought we'd be over years ago. Sometimes I forget how old Jacob actually is, because I feel like I'm still dealing with issues we were working through when he was three or four.
We still can't get him to reliably use a fork, for example. We remind him, and five seconds later he's still got the fork in one hand but is picking up his food with the other hand. He cannot sit on a chair without eventually scooting himself to the edge...and sometimes falling off. You can imagine, then, how fun dinnertime is.
It's hard to get him to keep his room clean because he's just too distracted to get more than one thing put away. He can barely dress himself because picking out clothes is a chore (he's very picky with what he wants to wear from day to day--it needs to match his mood or chosen sport/team for the day) and because he gets distracted by the tiniest things. He will hang out forever without underwear on, and no matter how many times you tell him to put it on, he will get distracted a second later. When he's motivated to get dressed he can do it faster than me, but when he's not...he's slower than molasses. You leave him alone for 10 minutes, thinking he had a good start when you left. You figure he should be done when you get back, but upon your return, he's wearing less clothes than he was before--and probably still no underwear!
For a kid that has a vast vocabulary and knows how to use it, he's still big on potty talk and babbles nonsense a lot of the time (rhyming, nonsense words)--mostly to hear himself talk, I swear. Speaking of bathroom matters, don't even get me started on night training. It's the first thing on the list for his doctor later this month. I think he just sleeps too deeply, plain and simple, but UGH. I never thought I'd still be spending money on that stuff by now.
Silly me, I guess I thought that these were all issues we should have bypassed by now. Or, at least, we would only be dealing with them sporadically. The bigger problem, though, is that because we can't get past some of these really fundamental things, it's hard to move on to true character building. I know that Jacob's at the age where we should be giving him some chores or responsibilities around the house. But when even the simplest things are like pulling teeth, how can we convince him to do more without making all of us crazy? We can't get him to get dressed, let alone to reliably put his clothes in the laundry basket. He can't remember to throw away his garbage, let alone to have him take out the garbage. I feel like certain hygiene things (teeth brushing, butt wiping, face washing, bathing) should be able to be more independently done at this age, but he doesn't really care enough to do a good job, and that could lead to problems.
I heard so many people say that once Carter was born, we should involve Jacob--ask him to get a diaper, help feed the baby, etc. Jacob wanted absolutely nothing to do with Carter, and any request involving him was promptly ignored. We can barely get him to tolerate being in the same general area with Carter without him trying to shove him away or yell at him. How can we ever teach him how to be a good big brother when he won't even get near him?
I just feel like no matter how we try to encourage him to get better--to act older, to take care of himself, to help us get off his back--the added challenge instead turns into one more thing to make our lives harder. One more thing to distract him, one more thing to argue about, and one more thing to frustrate me to no end when he refuses to do it. Finding the fine line between encouraging him to grow and adding more frustration to his life is very hard. I'm not sure how to treat him like a six year old when we can't get past some three year old problems. I wish I knew how to help him...but the book hasn't been written for that yet.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Anniversary, Part 2
As promised, here are the pictures from last night's anniversary date. I wish there were more, I wish they were from my real camera, but the iPod shots will have to do. They have a certain charm, I guess. So here goes...
 |
| Who knew? Not sure I knew this until recently... |
 |
| Craig posing near the lighthouse hole... |
 |
| Stepping stones on the course...couldn't resist! |
The one really unique feature of the course was that they have a chipping hole! You put your ball down on a little pedestal and hit it as hard as you can across a grassy area to the hole. It was fun!
 |
| Some of the course's charm...they had fake crabs screwed on everywhere! |
 |
| They had a giant chair at the end of the course, and of course we had to get a selfie! |
 |
| And here's Craig showing us the whole chair... |
 |
| This picture does not quite do his size justice. He was HUGE. He had to be at least three feet tall, and his body was so strong. I'm used to Canadian geese, and this guy was at least twice their size. I would not want to be attacked by this guy. Gorgeous, though...and he was grooming like crazy, so apparently it takes a lot of effort to look that good. |
 |
| The sign at Marge's. It cracks me up that this is right in the middle of an otherwise residential strip of beach houses. I can't imagine living near here! |
 |
| Heading into Marge's...festive, huh? |
 |
| The view from Marge's beach...the sky was this cool pink color, and you could see the rain way far out into the lake. It was so pleasant out there...I could have sat out there all night! |
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Eleven Years
Eleven years ago right now I was probably wrapping things up at the reception hall after a wonderful wedding day. What a fantastic day that was. Gorgeous weather, my ideal dress, surrounded by friends, and marrying a fantastic guy. At the end of that day I wouldn't have changed anything. It really went amazingly well.
Eleven years later, I'm probably just as tired as I was that night, but for so many different reasons. Looking back there are a handful of things I might have changed, but to be honest part of that is social media's fault. There are things I've seen in the years since that I would possibly do differently now--different photo poses, maybe a couple tiny details about the reception, and maybe even a slightly different dress...though at the time I know that one was the best I saw by far. But it was a truly great day spent with so many special people. I didn't have a doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing, and I couldn't wait to be married.
Up until this past year, I feel like we did pretty well with the whole marriage thing. Despite Craig's busy schedule and Jacob's entrance into our lives, I felt like we did a pretty good job about getting decent alone time and keeping our marriage strong. Could we have done better? Maybe, but I think we were doing a better job than a lot of people. And then Carter was born and Jacob's behavior went down the toilet, and suddenly year 11 turned into a major challenge. Nothing horrible or inherently, imminently destructive, but difficult in that if certain behaviors were allowed to continue for too long, it could lead to trouble. I think it's probably similar to the early stages of what people who divorce and say, "Well, we just grew apart" might go through. We've been so busy dividing and conquering (me with Carter, Craig with Jacob) that it's hard to focus on us. We sit down to dinner and spend half of it trying to get the kid to eat like refined humans, and the other half trying to talk but being interrupted by Jacob's random ramblings or Carter's screeches. It makes it very hard to put a coherent sentence together. I feel like it takes us ages to make decisions about anything, because we can't talk about something for more than 30 seconds without being interrupted. And by the time the kids are in bed and we could talk, we're both exhausted and more likely to spend the evening vegged our in front of our computers and our TV. Sad, I know, but sometimes it feels like the only mental break we get.
It's more of a "lack thereof" thing than a "negative" thing, and I can see where if it drags on for a long period of time, it could be extra problematic. This year has been more challenging in general because up until Jacob's behavior imploded, we didn't have much to disagree about. But sometimes we have differing ideas of the best way to manage his behavior, and sometimes we're so caught up in caring for the other kid that we forget what needs to happen for the other one, and the one who is paying attention may feel a little slighted...like, "Why am I the only one thinking around here?" Blame it on months of sleep deprivation and the constant background noise that comes from two kids. We're both tired and distracted a lot of the time, and it causes problems.
It's the sort of situation where you have to intentionally make an effort to connect with the other person--to talk, to keep some intimacy, to find a way to cut through the clutter and remind yourselves why you fell in love with each other in the first place. It's not that you don't love each other, it's just that you've forgotten why you found each other so irresistible that you just had to get married.
We've found it extra hard with two high-ish maintenance kids to get out together alone. We'd be nervous about what Jacob might do, and concerned about Carter's meltdowns when we leave, and between time, money, and availability of child care, it's hard. Overnights or time out of town have been nearly unheard of since last year's Knighthawks championship game trip. And you know, it's really something we need to properly reconnect.
My parents were nice enough to offer to come to Rochester today to watch the kids so we could go out for a proper date. Leading up to it, I was honestly having trouble coming up with something to do. Maybe it's just that it's so rare that I wanted to pick the greatest option possible, or maybe we're just so out of practice that I've stopped dreaming about the things that we could do. I posed the question on Facebook (of course), and one of my friends suggested an idea that was probably more "old us" than anything else...and I think we needed a little of that right now.
We started out the night having dinner at Bar Louie, a new chain restaurant that opened at our mall a while back. With Jacob's limitations it's hard to go to restaurants, so we just hadn't been there. It was a scorching hot day outside (baseball and pool time earlier nearly wiped us out), but by the evening it was a little more pleasant. No chill, for sure! The big door to the patio was open at the restaurant, which made for a nice atmosphere. We enjoyed a lovely dinner, before running into the mall for a few minutes so I could make a purchase I'd been thinking about all week and finally got a coupon for!
On my friend's advice, we headed up to the lake--though not the part of the lake we've usually gone to in Greece. This time we headed off to Irondequoit, the next big town over, to go to their lakefront. We went to the oldest mini golf course in the country and played a round. I played terribly, but it was a fun course (even one whole where you chip!) and we had a good time. We then headed up to the strip along the water just past Seabreeze Amusement Park. The strip includes three separate restaurants in a row that specialize in burger/hot dog cuisine. We grabbed some custard and strolled along up to Irondequoit Bay, where we saw a giant white goose. I don't think I've ever seen one of those before. We get a lot of Canadian geese around here, but the white goose was a new thing and it was HUGE. We then strolled back and decided to stop for a drink at this little dive bar we haven't been to in years. Marge's is this little bar smack in the middle of a row of beach houses. I don't know how their neighbors stand it, but it's such a funny little place. Out back there's a nice deck, and then probably 3/4 of the way down the beach to the lake is roped off and full of chairs for people to just sit in the sand and enjoy their drink. We couldn't snag any chairs, but we just stood in the sand while we drank. The air was warm, the breeze was lovely, and the sky was interesting--mostly cloudy but with a pinkish glow near the horizon. In a couple spots you could see that it was raining way out in the middle of the lake. It was so nice. We got to reminisce, talk about things in detail, make some tentative plans for the summer, and just enjoy each other's presence for a change. No wrangling kids, no second guessing decisions, no hassling of any kind. Just hanging out like the old days. It was much needed and so much fun.
Unfortunately, I forgot to grab my camera before we left, so I just have a handful of iPod photos to remember the date. I'll have to post them when I have a chance. I would have documented things so much better with my real camera, but I did what I could. It was such a nice night, though, and I'm so happy we got to do it. It was a good reminder that getting away together is important, and that we can still have fun when we do it. We need to do it more. Our marriage is fine, trust me, but I would like it to be even better than fine. The busyness of life with two kids is a major challenge, and I think we're up to it, but we need to be intentional about remembering each other. And I think this was a good reminder of that.
Happy 11th Anniversary to us...and here's to hoping we never forget to keep exploring ways to recapture the magic of that day and night 11 years ago today. We're worth it.
Eleven years later, I'm probably just as tired as I was that night, but for so many different reasons. Looking back there are a handful of things I might have changed, but to be honest part of that is social media's fault. There are things I've seen in the years since that I would possibly do differently now--different photo poses, maybe a couple tiny details about the reception, and maybe even a slightly different dress...though at the time I know that one was the best I saw by far. But it was a truly great day spent with so many special people. I didn't have a doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing, and I couldn't wait to be married.
Up until this past year, I feel like we did pretty well with the whole marriage thing. Despite Craig's busy schedule and Jacob's entrance into our lives, I felt like we did a pretty good job about getting decent alone time and keeping our marriage strong. Could we have done better? Maybe, but I think we were doing a better job than a lot of people. And then Carter was born and Jacob's behavior went down the toilet, and suddenly year 11 turned into a major challenge. Nothing horrible or inherently, imminently destructive, but difficult in that if certain behaviors were allowed to continue for too long, it could lead to trouble. I think it's probably similar to the early stages of what people who divorce and say, "Well, we just grew apart" might go through. We've been so busy dividing and conquering (me with Carter, Craig with Jacob) that it's hard to focus on us. We sit down to dinner and spend half of it trying to get the kid to eat like refined humans, and the other half trying to talk but being interrupted by Jacob's random ramblings or Carter's screeches. It makes it very hard to put a coherent sentence together. I feel like it takes us ages to make decisions about anything, because we can't talk about something for more than 30 seconds without being interrupted. And by the time the kids are in bed and we could talk, we're both exhausted and more likely to spend the evening vegged our in front of our computers and our TV. Sad, I know, but sometimes it feels like the only mental break we get.
It's more of a "lack thereof" thing than a "negative" thing, and I can see where if it drags on for a long period of time, it could be extra problematic. This year has been more challenging in general because up until Jacob's behavior imploded, we didn't have much to disagree about. But sometimes we have differing ideas of the best way to manage his behavior, and sometimes we're so caught up in caring for the other kid that we forget what needs to happen for the other one, and the one who is paying attention may feel a little slighted...like, "Why am I the only one thinking around here?" Blame it on months of sleep deprivation and the constant background noise that comes from two kids. We're both tired and distracted a lot of the time, and it causes problems.
It's the sort of situation where you have to intentionally make an effort to connect with the other person--to talk, to keep some intimacy, to find a way to cut through the clutter and remind yourselves why you fell in love with each other in the first place. It's not that you don't love each other, it's just that you've forgotten why you found each other so irresistible that you just had to get married.
We've found it extra hard with two high-ish maintenance kids to get out together alone. We'd be nervous about what Jacob might do, and concerned about Carter's meltdowns when we leave, and between time, money, and availability of child care, it's hard. Overnights or time out of town have been nearly unheard of since last year's Knighthawks championship game trip. And you know, it's really something we need to properly reconnect.
My parents were nice enough to offer to come to Rochester today to watch the kids so we could go out for a proper date. Leading up to it, I was honestly having trouble coming up with something to do. Maybe it's just that it's so rare that I wanted to pick the greatest option possible, or maybe we're just so out of practice that I've stopped dreaming about the things that we could do. I posed the question on Facebook (of course), and one of my friends suggested an idea that was probably more "old us" than anything else...and I think we needed a little of that right now.
We started out the night having dinner at Bar Louie, a new chain restaurant that opened at our mall a while back. With Jacob's limitations it's hard to go to restaurants, so we just hadn't been there. It was a scorching hot day outside (baseball and pool time earlier nearly wiped us out), but by the evening it was a little more pleasant. No chill, for sure! The big door to the patio was open at the restaurant, which made for a nice atmosphere. We enjoyed a lovely dinner, before running into the mall for a few minutes so I could make a purchase I'd been thinking about all week and finally got a coupon for!
On my friend's advice, we headed up to the lake--though not the part of the lake we've usually gone to in Greece. This time we headed off to Irondequoit, the next big town over, to go to their lakefront. We went to the oldest mini golf course in the country and played a round. I played terribly, but it was a fun course (even one whole where you chip!) and we had a good time. We then headed up to the strip along the water just past Seabreeze Amusement Park. The strip includes three separate restaurants in a row that specialize in burger/hot dog cuisine. We grabbed some custard and strolled along up to Irondequoit Bay, where we saw a giant white goose. I don't think I've ever seen one of those before. We get a lot of Canadian geese around here, but the white goose was a new thing and it was HUGE. We then strolled back and decided to stop for a drink at this little dive bar we haven't been to in years. Marge's is this little bar smack in the middle of a row of beach houses. I don't know how their neighbors stand it, but it's such a funny little place. Out back there's a nice deck, and then probably 3/4 of the way down the beach to the lake is roped off and full of chairs for people to just sit in the sand and enjoy their drink. We couldn't snag any chairs, but we just stood in the sand while we drank. The air was warm, the breeze was lovely, and the sky was interesting--mostly cloudy but with a pinkish glow near the horizon. In a couple spots you could see that it was raining way out in the middle of the lake. It was so nice. We got to reminisce, talk about things in detail, make some tentative plans for the summer, and just enjoy each other's presence for a change. No wrangling kids, no second guessing decisions, no hassling of any kind. Just hanging out like the old days. It was much needed and so much fun.
Unfortunately, I forgot to grab my camera before we left, so I just have a handful of iPod photos to remember the date. I'll have to post them when I have a chance. I would have documented things so much better with my real camera, but I did what I could. It was such a nice night, though, and I'm so happy we got to do it. It was a good reminder that getting away together is important, and that we can still have fun when we do it. We need to do it more. Our marriage is fine, trust me, but I would like it to be even better than fine. The busyness of life with two kids is a major challenge, and I think we're up to it, but we need to be intentional about remembering each other. And I think this was a good reminder of that.
Happy 11th Anniversary to us...and here's to hoping we never forget to keep exploring ways to recapture the magic of that day and night 11 years ago today. We're worth it.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Summer "Vacation"
I'm still having a hard time believing that Jacob is done with Kindergarten. There was so much anticipation and build-up to it, and I guess once it started we were so preoccupied with surviving it, that suddenly it was over. Somewhere around April I realized that we only had a couple months left and there was life after Kindergarten (hopefully with a different teacher that might be a better fit), and we seemed to coast a bit from there. Suddenly I realized Jacob actually was learning things despite the constant stream of bad feedback each day. He could write and read and do math, just like that. Don't get me wrong, every day involved holding our breath and praying he didn't get in serious trouble, and hoping he didn't have much homework to derail our evening. But slowly but surely we survived. It's like when I'm running and that second mile seems so painful...but once I'm through it and realize I only have a little bit left, everything feels so much easier.
But it just blows my mind that he's done with such a monumental year, and I know the rest are going to go just as fast. Before I know it, it will be second grade as he moves to a new school, or fifth grade as he goes to middle school, or eighth grade to high school, and who knows where from there. It's all going to happen in the blink of an eye. Jacob keeps saying that when Carter is in Kindergarten, he'll be in fifth grade, and on one hand fifth grade seems so far away, but I know how quickly Kindergarten comes, so it's really not as far off as it seems. Our niece and nephew, who we vividly remember being born, just turned 12 and are going into seventh grade. I think they're both taller than me now. I have no idea how that happened. My kids are going to be the same way. It's nuts. And while I know first grade is only going to get harder, I'm hoping he gets a teacher that works for him and things can go a little more smoothly.
Anyway, we've settled a bit into our summer routine. Jacob and Carter are now both at the same daycare everyday. Jacob's happy to be back as a "big kid" and he loves his teacher. She's young and fun, and if Jacob likes her and is willing to behave for her, that is good enough for me!
Carter moves up officially next week to the pre-toddler room. It will be a bummer to move up from his teachers, who I've gotten so close to over the past 16 months. And I love seeing the babies come in little and grow up. But it's fun watching Carter hang out with the bigger kids, too. They're not much older than him, though a lot of them have been walking for longer. But it's still so cute watching him be one of them!
It's nice only having one stop at the end of the day and having two kids there waiting for me. The teachers love both of them, and even Jacob is usually pretty happy to see me. It's not cheap to have them both there, but I like that they both like it there.
Now that Jacob has been through a year of real school, summer vacation feels a little funny. I feel a little bad that his summer vacations bear no resemblance to the ones I had as a kid. My mom didn't work outside the house until I was in third grade, and after that my brother was older and we could stay home alone. Most of my summer days were spent hanging out around the house, watching TV, reading books, playing with my toys, riding my bike, playing with friends, running errands, and visiting my grandparents. The second school ended, I was FREE! It was the best feeling ever! I didn't have to get up on time, I didn't have to get dressed, I could snack at will, and do what I wanted. Instead, Jacob and Carter still have to get up every morning and go somewhere. They spend all day hanging out with friends and teachers, just like they do all year. There's very little to separate their school year from their summer, aside from geography (for Jacob, at least). Maybe the learning won't be quite as intense, but still...freedom, it is not.
I know that this is all they'll know so it's not a big deal. It's been this way since they were born and they don't know any different. They'll probably have some great opportunities that I never had, friendships that I never got to build, crafts and field trips and more constructive use of time, but that summertime freedom made some of my best memories and I'm bummed they won't have that. The afternoons when I'd ride my bike to my grandparents' house, or when my cousin and I would ride to the playground, or when I'd go to my friend Heather's house and we'd play with her dollhouse, Commodore 64, or our Hot Looks dolls, or we'd try to beat Super Mario Bros. I read so many books and spent so many hours creating stories with my Barbies. I'd draw or do crafts. Or I'd watch insane amounts of TV...much of which was old game shows, giving me a vast, multi-generational knowledge of random pop culture factoids. When my mom wasn't working I'd get to run errands with her or we'd get a day out for lunch and shopping. Every once in a while I'd get to go out and do things with my cousins, aunts, and grandma, and we'd have a blast. I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for anything. Even though they may never know what they're missing, I feel a little bad that they won't get the same chance.
But for now they both seem happy, and that's what matters. I can't say that summer has mellowed Jacob out at all, but it's only just begun. I'm hoping we still manage to have a summer full of fun, despite our work schedules. Hopefully a couple trips, maybe some fun evenings out, and possibly a nice staycation where we can all have the same sort of free-wheeling summer vacation that I loved so much. It's going to be a challenge figuring it all out, but hopefully we can make some awesome memories along the way.
But it just blows my mind that he's done with such a monumental year, and I know the rest are going to go just as fast. Before I know it, it will be second grade as he moves to a new school, or fifth grade as he goes to middle school, or eighth grade to high school, and who knows where from there. It's all going to happen in the blink of an eye. Jacob keeps saying that when Carter is in Kindergarten, he'll be in fifth grade, and on one hand fifth grade seems so far away, but I know how quickly Kindergarten comes, so it's really not as far off as it seems. Our niece and nephew, who we vividly remember being born, just turned 12 and are going into seventh grade. I think they're both taller than me now. I have no idea how that happened. My kids are going to be the same way. It's nuts. And while I know first grade is only going to get harder, I'm hoping he gets a teacher that works for him and things can go a little more smoothly.
Anyway, we've settled a bit into our summer routine. Jacob and Carter are now both at the same daycare everyday. Jacob's happy to be back as a "big kid" and he loves his teacher. She's young and fun, and if Jacob likes her and is willing to behave for her, that is good enough for me!
Carter moves up officially next week to the pre-toddler room. It will be a bummer to move up from his teachers, who I've gotten so close to over the past 16 months. And I love seeing the babies come in little and grow up. But it's fun watching Carter hang out with the bigger kids, too. They're not much older than him, though a lot of them have been walking for longer. But it's still so cute watching him be one of them!
It's nice only having one stop at the end of the day and having two kids there waiting for me. The teachers love both of them, and even Jacob is usually pretty happy to see me. It's not cheap to have them both there, but I like that they both like it there.
Now that Jacob has been through a year of real school, summer vacation feels a little funny. I feel a little bad that his summer vacations bear no resemblance to the ones I had as a kid. My mom didn't work outside the house until I was in third grade, and after that my brother was older and we could stay home alone. Most of my summer days were spent hanging out around the house, watching TV, reading books, playing with my toys, riding my bike, playing with friends, running errands, and visiting my grandparents. The second school ended, I was FREE! It was the best feeling ever! I didn't have to get up on time, I didn't have to get dressed, I could snack at will, and do what I wanted. Instead, Jacob and Carter still have to get up every morning and go somewhere. They spend all day hanging out with friends and teachers, just like they do all year. There's very little to separate their school year from their summer, aside from geography (for Jacob, at least). Maybe the learning won't be quite as intense, but still...freedom, it is not.
I know that this is all they'll know so it's not a big deal. It's been this way since they were born and they don't know any different. They'll probably have some great opportunities that I never had, friendships that I never got to build, crafts and field trips and more constructive use of time, but that summertime freedom made some of my best memories and I'm bummed they won't have that. The afternoons when I'd ride my bike to my grandparents' house, or when my cousin and I would ride to the playground, or when I'd go to my friend Heather's house and we'd play with her dollhouse, Commodore 64, or our Hot Looks dolls, or we'd try to beat Super Mario Bros. I read so many books and spent so many hours creating stories with my Barbies. I'd draw or do crafts. Or I'd watch insane amounts of TV...much of which was old game shows, giving me a vast, multi-generational knowledge of random pop culture factoids. When my mom wasn't working I'd get to run errands with her or we'd get a day out for lunch and shopping. Every once in a while I'd get to go out and do things with my cousins, aunts, and grandma, and we'd have a blast. I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for anything. Even though they may never know what they're missing, I feel a little bad that they won't get the same chance.
But for now they both seem happy, and that's what matters. I can't say that summer has mellowed Jacob out at all, but it's only just begun. I'm hoping we still manage to have a summer full of fun, despite our work schedules. Hopefully a couple trips, maybe some fun evenings out, and possibly a nice staycation where we can all have the same sort of free-wheeling summer vacation that I loved so much. It's going to be a challenge figuring it all out, but hopefully we can make some awesome memories along the way.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
The Start of Six
Jacob has been six for five days now. Sorry I haven't gotten around to the recap, but it was a busy weekend...as usual. I had to go to bed at 11pm Sunday night because I literally couldn't stand to be awake anymore. I got a couple decent nights of sleep the previous two nights, so I'm thinking my body realized how much sleep it was missing out on and got greedy. I ate a lot of (tasty) junk at our niece and nephew's 12th birthday party (salt & vinegar chips! tortilla chips! fruit! pizza! TWO cakes!) and I think all of it didn't mix well and I had a very unproductive stomach ache--it didn't really do anything except annoy me. And I was super tired, so I went to bed at a reasonable time for a change.
Anyway...back to the birthday stuff...I never realized it six years ago, but having a baby in late June sets you up for a good 13-17 years of major change when this time of year comes around. Jacob gets a year older. Then we go from spring to summer the next day. Then the school year ends. Add in our anniversary on Saturday and you have a whole lot of change and milestone action going on in these last couple weeks of June. Jacob's last day of school was today, and he will be going back to daycare for the summer starting on Wednesday, and he is SO excited. He loves his teacher there, and while I'm sure the school district's option might have been cheaper, for the summer I'd rather go with what he's comfortable with and hope we have an uneventful, enjoyable summer break. It will be a nice change of pace from the eggshells we've been walking on at the afterschool program for the last month. Everyone at daycare knows him and loves him, so hopefully he will cooperate and they will have the patience of saints!
I'm a little bummed that he doesn't have any sort of graduation ceremony. Based on Facebook feedback it seems that a lot of people don't see the need for it since it's full day now, but I still think there's nothing wrong with congratulating kids for making it through their first full year of real school. It's nice to make them feel proud of their accomplishment and give the parents a chance to be proud, but I guess we'll have to wait until second grade when he graduates from his current school. Still, the photo op would have been nice. After all we've been through, this definitely feels like an accomplishment. We survived! I can't quite believe he's done, but that's another topic for another day.
Jacob's birthday was pretty low key. He had school, which took up most of the day. We opened gifts in the morning, and went out to dinner that evening. We came home and had some cake. I made up some cupcakes to freeze and keep for other parties when we know the cake won't be gluten-free, and I made a tiny cake with what didn't fit in the cupcake pan. He blew out candles on the cake, and ate a cupcake. I feel bad that it wasn't that exciting, but he did enjoy his gifts and there was a Kindergarten picnic that day (to which I sent in gluten-free pizza for him), so he seemed happy enough!
Jacob's birthday was pretty low key. He had school, which took up most of the day. We opened gifts in the morning, and went out to dinner that evening. We came home and had some cake. I made up some cupcakes to freeze and keep for other parties when we know the cake won't be gluten-free, and I made a tiny cake with what didn't fit in the cupcake pan. He blew out candles on the cake, and ate a cupcake. I feel bad that it wasn't that exciting, but he did enjoy his gifts and there was a Kindergarten picnic that day (to which I sent in gluten-free pizza for him), so he seemed happy enough!
I worry about his expectations a lot. He has a way of getting something in his head, exactly how he wants it to happen, and when it doesn't happen it can lead to a major meltdown. Whether it's what he wanted to wear that day, or what he wants to watch on TV, or what he is getting for his birthday, it's always a little scary. He gets a lot of big ideas, and sometimes we'll nip them in the bud right away, and sometimes we'll just say, "Well, put it on your birthday/Christmas list..." He assumes he'll get it and sometimes we have to do some damage control. This year we didn't have much of that (yet--he's still got another party to go), but we did have to manage the fallout from not having the friend party he wanted.
He really wanted a party last year, and it would have been a good time for it as a last hurrah with his daycare friends. However, he got really snippy about the place and with all that ungratefulness we just scrapped the whole thing. This year he brought it up again, and we even had a place in mind for months. Then he started changing his mind, and then time became an issue, and the guest list was a tough one, too. We're not thrilled with his friends from his class (most of them, anyway), and the daycare friends aren't easily accessible anymore. We have his baseball team, but we don't know many of them super well yet, and the party would have been a few hours after a game, so the whole thing just seemed weird. We may still allow him to invite a couple friends to do something later in the summer, but the whole thing is just a little awkward. I'm hoping that by next year he'll get a better core of friends and he'll be a year more mature and things might be easier. We'll see. I feel bad, but sometimes you can't force this stuff. Ever see the episode of the Brady Bunch where Peter throws himself a party and no one shows up? I admit, that was among my concerns...that if he doesn't have any great friends and some kids just find him weird, what if...? I'm sure someone would have showed up, but I'm hoping next year it'll be a little better.
Anyway, his party is Sunday. It's looking like a rather small gathering, but as long as his cousins and grandparents are there, he'll be happy. He went for a special birthday lunch and shopping trip with Lori after his half day of school today, since she'll be on her way back from London (!) on Sunday. Still, should be nice to have everyone here. The pool is ready!
Without further ado, here are some pictures from his important last few days...
Ok, I should have tried to make these angles more similar, but we were in a rush. Here's the first day of school on the left, and the last day on the right. I've seen some crazy changes in other people's pictures. Hard to tell, but his face definitely looks thinner. My baby is definitely growing up!
So, it's been an eventful few days! More to come...
He really wanted a party last year, and it would have been a good time for it as a last hurrah with his daycare friends. However, he got really snippy about the place and with all that ungratefulness we just scrapped the whole thing. This year he brought it up again, and we even had a place in mind for months. Then he started changing his mind, and then time became an issue, and the guest list was a tough one, too. We're not thrilled with his friends from his class (most of them, anyway), and the daycare friends aren't easily accessible anymore. We have his baseball team, but we don't know many of them super well yet, and the party would have been a few hours after a game, so the whole thing just seemed weird. We may still allow him to invite a couple friends to do something later in the summer, but the whole thing is just a little awkward. I'm hoping that by next year he'll get a better core of friends and he'll be a year more mature and things might be easier. We'll see. I feel bad, but sometimes you can't force this stuff. Ever see the episode of the Brady Bunch where Peter throws himself a party and no one shows up? I admit, that was among my concerns...that if he doesn't have any great friends and some kids just find him weird, what if...? I'm sure someone would have showed up, but I'm hoping next year it'll be a little better.
Anyway, his party is Sunday. It's looking like a rather small gathering, but as long as his cousins and grandparents are there, he'll be happy. He went for a special birthday lunch and shopping trip with Lori after his half day of school today, since she'll be on her way back from London (!) on Sunday. Still, should be nice to have everyone here. The pool is ready!
Without further ado, here are some pictures from his important last few days...
 |
| This was the one gift he really wanted, a working scoreboard for his Playmobil soccer stadium that he got for Christmas! |
 |
| He also got a book, some Legos, a soccer Smurf, and a bunch of clothes |
 |
| He wanted this outfit a couple months ago but we couldn't find it when we went back to the store. I found it online (really cheap!) and he was very excited to get it...so much so that he was breaking into it right away. |
 |
| I got this hat for him in the same order, because he tried one on in the store and liked it. It was about $3, so I couldn't pass it up! I'm sure he'll find some use for it! This is pretty much his usual demeanor these days... |
 |
| I did manage to get a real smile, though! |
 |
| Here he is with his tiny cake and six candles! |
 |
| Laughing hysterically at Daddy while we were singing to him, because Daddy was singing silly! |
 |
| Now that it appears that Carter's rice intolerance is done, he can partake of our gluten-free foods...including CAKE! |
 |
| Apparently one of the few characteristics they share is their eating habits! |
Ok, I should have tried to make these angles more similar, but we were in a rush. Here's the first day of school on the left, and the last day on the right. I've seen some crazy changes in other people's pictures. Hard to tell, but his face definitely looks thinner. My baby is definitely growing up!
So, it's been an eventful few days! More to come...
Friday, June 20, 2014
SIX
Dear Jacob,
Wow. It has been quite a year. I won't lie, it's been the hardest year of my life. You have given us a serious run for our money in the past year, and I think both Daddy's and my sanity hangs by a thread some days. But to see how much you've grown and changed in other areas of your life has been amazing, and gives me hope that that side of you will one day win out and we can put all of this craziness behind us.
We don't know why your behavior went way off the deep end last summer. It could have been your brother's continued presence in our house (nope, he's still not going anywhere), it could have been the transition into Kindergarten, it could have been the gluten, or maybe it's just how you're wired, and for whatever reason some combination of something set it into motion. Ultimately it doesn't matter what did it (though, ummm, it might be helpful to know if you do), it just matters that we're stopping at nothing to do what we can to get you through it. You've seen doctors and counselors and therapists this year, all with the purpose of trying to figure you out. And while that hasn't necessarily happened, you have pretty much charmed every single one of them along the way. We hear so much about how smart you are, how much they enjoyed hanging out with you, and how impressed they are with something you did--usually a picture you drew or an elaborate story you told. The refrain at daycare was always, "He drives us nuts, but we love him anyway!" Sometimes I feel like you're wise beyond your years, because while I'm not always sure other kids "get" your sense of humor, adults generally seem to get a kick out of you. Of course, then you fall back to the potty talk and suddenly the charm wears off.
Last year at this time you could barely read any words, and while you loved to have people spell words out so you could write them, spelling yourself was pretty rare. A couple weeks ago you knew almost 90 of the nearly 100 sight word flash cards we have, where last fall you only knew a handful. Now you've read me entire books from your bookshelf with only a couple requests for help on tricky words. You've written cool journal entries and funny bios about Mommy and Daddy. You seem like you could do math worksheets with your eyes closed, and your drawings can be so detailed and sophisticated. If it wasn't for that pesky skill of having to sit still and listen, you'd have Kindergarten completely aced.
One thing I've grown to love about you is your passion. Your interests have always been obvious, but as you've grown older you make it your mission to go all the way with things. You need to dress the part, learn the skills, and create a perfect setup. While it can be challenging when that desire surfaces at an inconvenient time, we definitely know that there's a method to your madness and someday these skills will serve you well. In the meantime it's awesome to watch you learn. Seeing your improvement with baseball and lacrosse this year has been so cool!
You're also so creative, and I love watching your brain come up with something new. Sometimes the pictures I pull out of your school folder are amazing. The one picture you painted this winter is going to have a very hard time getting replaced in our interchangeable frame photo gallery. It's gorgeous. I love hearing you make up stories, or do play-by-play like Daddy. There is so much going on in that head of yours. I wish I understood more of it.
We know that there's such an amazing, smart, funny kid in there, and we just wish that all of the other stuff that's drowning him out would go away. While we love so much about you, we hate that so many of our interactions involve repeating directions or yelling when you ignore us yet again. We dream of what it would be like to have you obey the first time, respond to a question without resorting to potty talk, or have you agree to do something without hitting us in anger first. I know that parents need to love their children unconditionally, and we do, but whenever I hear parents with difficult kids say that they wouldn't change them for anything, I think it's crap. Anytime you could improve your child's existence--their ability to interact with other people, to feel love, to learn without limitation--you do what you can to do that. We love you to pieces, but I desperately wish we could get you to see the big picture. We remind you how much more fun we could have if you cooperated, but you just can't seem to control it. We're doing what we can to help you learn, but boy, it is not easy.
You have moments, though, moments where you can be so sweet, so loving, so charming...and when those moments happen, it's enough to keep me going another day. I just wish there were more. I never dreamed six years ago today that this is where we'd be now. I thought that by 6 you'd be our little buddy and we'd have this parenting thing pretty well down pat before hormones took over in a couple more years and started screwing things up again. But things have continued to be challenging. I mourn the fact that you've missed out on enjoying these past 16 months with your baby brother. I'm sad that Kindergarten was such a challenge for all of us. I'm bummed that I don't want to hang out with you more because I'm exhausted from trying to figure out how to handle your challenging moments. I miss that sweet little baby that I hadn't screwed up yet, the toddler who thought I was the coolest thing ever. I don't know where things went wrong, but I'm going to spend as long as it takes to figure it out. I know that, despite the potty talk and hitting that permeates almost every conversation we have, there's a kid who's worth it in there.
I don't know where these last six years have gone (well, aside from begging you to eat dinner, teaching you how to use the potty, and trying to discipline you...all in between multiple sports obsessions), but it blows my mind to realize that my tiny baby boy who put me through three hours of painful pushing and a crazy week at the hospital is now a full-blown big boy who's going into first grade. Sometimes it's hard to believe because you don't always act your age (for the love of God please use a fork!), but mostly it's just shock and awe about how much you've changed. I don't know if you'll ever care enough to read this post, or this entire blog that you inspired, but I hope you do and you realize how loved you've always been. Regardless of what you think of me as a parent, I hope you know that I'm just trying to do my best and I'm only doing all of this because I love you too much to not give it a try.
Ok, I feel like I'm babbling. I'm exhausted from a busy week and a couple late nights trying to do what I could to give you a good birthday. I need to get some sleep, but I wanted to make sure I gave you a birthday post. Perhaps it's not as happy-go-lucky as some of the others, but I'm not about to gloss over the truth. It's been a rough year, but I hope that six is kinder to us than five. Just know that we love you and want to see you succeed. We may not always know the best way to do that, but be patient with us...we're all just trying to figure things out. We hope you had a wonderful birthday, and we hope that this year is the best yet. We'll do everything we can to help it happen, but any help you can give us would be great. We're tired!
Happy 6th Birthday, Jacob Julian. We love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
Wow. It has been quite a year. I won't lie, it's been the hardest year of my life. You have given us a serious run for our money in the past year, and I think both Daddy's and my sanity hangs by a thread some days. But to see how much you've grown and changed in other areas of your life has been amazing, and gives me hope that that side of you will one day win out and we can put all of this craziness behind us.
We don't know why your behavior went way off the deep end last summer. It could have been your brother's continued presence in our house (nope, he's still not going anywhere), it could have been the transition into Kindergarten, it could have been the gluten, or maybe it's just how you're wired, and for whatever reason some combination of something set it into motion. Ultimately it doesn't matter what did it (though, ummm, it might be helpful to know if you do), it just matters that we're stopping at nothing to do what we can to get you through it. You've seen doctors and counselors and therapists this year, all with the purpose of trying to figure you out. And while that hasn't necessarily happened, you have pretty much charmed every single one of them along the way. We hear so much about how smart you are, how much they enjoyed hanging out with you, and how impressed they are with something you did--usually a picture you drew or an elaborate story you told. The refrain at daycare was always, "He drives us nuts, but we love him anyway!" Sometimes I feel like you're wise beyond your years, because while I'm not always sure other kids "get" your sense of humor, adults generally seem to get a kick out of you. Of course, then you fall back to the potty talk and suddenly the charm wears off.
Last year at this time you could barely read any words, and while you loved to have people spell words out so you could write them, spelling yourself was pretty rare. A couple weeks ago you knew almost 90 of the nearly 100 sight word flash cards we have, where last fall you only knew a handful. Now you've read me entire books from your bookshelf with only a couple requests for help on tricky words. You've written cool journal entries and funny bios about Mommy and Daddy. You seem like you could do math worksheets with your eyes closed, and your drawings can be so detailed and sophisticated. If it wasn't for that pesky skill of having to sit still and listen, you'd have Kindergarten completely aced.
One thing I've grown to love about you is your passion. Your interests have always been obvious, but as you've grown older you make it your mission to go all the way with things. You need to dress the part, learn the skills, and create a perfect setup. While it can be challenging when that desire surfaces at an inconvenient time, we definitely know that there's a method to your madness and someday these skills will serve you well. In the meantime it's awesome to watch you learn. Seeing your improvement with baseball and lacrosse this year has been so cool!
You're also so creative, and I love watching your brain come up with something new. Sometimes the pictures I pull out of your school folder are amazing. The one picture you painted this winter is going to have a very hard time getting replaced in our interchangeable frame photo gallery. It's gorgeous. I love hearing you make up stories, or do play-by-play like Daddy. There is so much going on in that head of yours. I wish I understood more of it.
We know that there's such an amazing, smart, funny kid in there, and we just wish that all of the other stuff that's drowning him out would go away. While we love so much about you, we hate that so many of our interactions involve repeating directions or yelling when you ignore us yet again. We dream of what it would be like to have you obey the first time, respond to a question without resorting to potty talk, or have you agree to do something without hitting us in anger first. I know that parents need to love their children unconditionally, and we do, but whenever I hear parents with difficult kids say that they wouldn't change them for anything, I think it's crap. Anytime you could improve your child's existence--their ability to interact with other people, to feel love, to learn without limitation--you do what you can to do that. We love you to pieces, but I desperately wish we could get you to see the big picture. We remind you how much more fun we could have if you cooperated, but you just can't seem to control it. We're doing what we can to help you learn, but boy, it is not easy.
You have moments, though, moments where you can be so sweet, so loving, so charming...and when those moments happen, it's enough to keep me going another day. I just wish there were more. I never dreamed six years ago today that this is where we'd be now. I thought that by 6 you'd be our little buddy and we'd have this parenting thing pretty well down pat before hormones took over in a couple more years and started screwing things up again. But things have continued to be challenging. I mourn the fact that you've missed out on enjoying these past 16 months with your baby brother. I'm sad that Kindergarten was such a challenge for all of us. I'm bummed that I don't want to hang out with you more because I'm exhausted from trying to figure out how to handle your challenging moments. I miss that sweet little baby that I hadn't screwed up yet, the toddler who thought I was the coolest thing ever. I don't know where things went wrong, but I'm going to spend as long as it takes to figure it out. I know that, despite the potty talk and hitting that permeates almost every conversation we have, there's a kid who's worth it in there.
I don't know where these last six years have gone (well, aside from begging you to eat dinner, teaching you how to use the potty, and trying to discipline you...all in between multiple sports obsessions), but it blows my mind to realize that my tiny baby boy who put me through three hours of painful pushing and a crazy week at the hospital is now a full-blown big boy who's going into first grade. Sometimes it's hard to believe because you don't always act your age (for the love of God please use a fork!), but mostly it's just shock and awe about how much you've changed. I don't know if you'll ever care enough to read this post, or this entire blog that you inspired, but I hope you do and you realize how loved you've always been. Regardless of what you think of me as a parent, I hope you know that I'm just trying to do my best and I'm only doing all of this because I love you too much to not give it a try.
Ok, I feel like I'm babbling. I'm exhausted from a busy week and a couple late nights trying to do what I could to give you a good birthday. I need to get some sleep, but I wanted to make sure I gave you a birthday post. Perhaps it's not as happy-go-lucky as some of the others, but I'm not about to gloss over the truth. It's been a rough year, but I hope that six is kinder to us than five. Just know that we love you and want to see you succeed. We may not always know the best way to do that, but be patient with us...we're all just trying to figure things out. We hope you had a wonderful birthday, and we hope that this year is the best yet. We'll do everything we can to help it happen, but any help you can give us would be great. We're tired!
Happy 6th Birthday, Jacob Julian. We love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Video Post, Finally...
I'm a bit sleepy today thanks to a late night at a concert in Buffalo with my college roommate, so the video post is about as good as it's going to get today. I spent yesterday at home cleaning my entire house, and never quite getting around to the project I originally wanted to tackle, the giant stack of artwork in the office. Oh, well, the house was gross and needed a serious scrubbing. It's much better now. Mary came in around 5pm, and we headed out by 6ish to go see her favorite band, NEEDTOBREATHE, in Buffalo. You may recall they were the same band we saw when I was pregnant with Carter, at the same venue, which happens to be a standing room-only kind of place. It's fine, but man...I'd enjoy concerts so much more if I could sit! Apparently I'm getting old...but at least I wasn't pregnant this time. It's also the same venue as the concert we went to with other college friends to see another favorite band, Five Iron Frenzy, last fall. We had a great time last night, though. The band is awesome live. A little bit of country, a lot of rock, and a little side of blues. Really great stuff.
While we were gone, a huge storm blew through Rochester. We had no idea, though we knew something was up when we got off at my exit and my normal right turn at the end of the ramp was totally closed to traffic. We had to go up another exit and make our way back around. We started to see a lot of tree branches as we approached my neighborhood, and things started clicking. Turns out the closed road was due to an exploding transformer that started a fire, took down six poles, and landed on a couple cars. Fortunately, the damage was minimal and everyone was safe, but the road was still closed earlier today. Part of me is sorry we missed it, but based on the number of branches I saw down this morning, part of me is relieved, because I know I would have been terribly nervous...and I don't like getting nervous in front of the kids. At the time it hit, Craig was shuttling them home from Jacob's practice and off to dinner, so they were out in it for a bit. Crazy stuff.
Anyway, on to the videos. I'm pretty much only including this one in case you wanted to see what a mid-sized arena looks like while celebrating a championship. This was a few minutes after the Knighthawks won, just as the teams were going through handshakes and other postgame stuff. Everyone was still going nuts, and it was lovely to watch.
Out on the turf, Carter was pretty reserved and was just trying to figure things out. Here he is, enjoying the confetti all over the turf. I tried to get video of him walking, but he was content to crouch in one spot.
Here's video from the pictures I posted the other day of Carter playing with the packing paper from our Amazon delivery. The second half is priceless and captures him so well :)
And finally, here's a little taste of him walking. I hope to get a little more before he gets too good at it. These early walking days are so awkward and cute. He's motoring around pretty good now, but I love watching him be so big and independent!
And while it looks like he just sort of veered into the mulch, I sort of think he did that on purpose, because he loves digging in dirt like that. I think we're in for it with this one. I think the nail brush I bought to tackle the dirt under Jacob's nails might get a workout between these two boys!
So...yeah, those are the videos. Now it's time to start focusing on Jacob's birthday, because I feel totally unprepared. I'm hoping we have enough gifts to make him feel special (because, when you're six, isn't that what it's all about?), and looking forward to dinner out on Friday. I'm sure I'll have plenty of thoughts on six years of Jacob in the next couple days. Stay tuned...
While we were gone, a huge storm blew through Rochester. We had no idea, though we knew something was up when we got off at my exit and my normal right turn at the end of the ramp was totally closed to traffic. We had to go up another exit and make our way back around. We started to see a lot of tree branches as we approached my neighborhood, and things started clicking. Turns out the closed road was due to an exploding transformer that started a fire, took down six poles, and landed on a couple cars. Fortunately, the damage was minimal and everyone was safe, but the road was still closed earlier today. Part of me is sorry we missed it, but based on the number of branches I saw down this morning, part of me is relieved, because I know I would have been terribly nervous...and I don't like getting nervous in front of the kids. At the time it hit, Craig was shuttling them home from Jacob's practice and off to dinner, so they were out in it for a bit. Crazy stuff.
Anyway, on to the videos. I'm pretty much only including this one in case you wanted to see what a mid-sized arena looks like while celebrating a championship. This was a few minutes after the Knighthawks won, just as the teams were going through handshakes and other postgame stuff. Everyone was still going nuts, and it was lovely to watch.
Out on the turf, Carter was pretty reserved and was just trying to figure things out. Here he is, enjoying the confetti all over the turf. I tried to get video of him walking, but he was content to crouch in one spot.
Here's video from the pictures I posted the other day of Carter playing with the packing paper from our Amazon delivery. The second half is priceless and captures him so well :)
And finally, here's a little taste of him walking. I hope to get a little more before he gets too good at it. These early walking days are so awkward and cute. He's motoring around pretty good now, but I love watching him be so big and independent!
And while it looks like he just sort of veered into the mulch, I sort of think he did that on purpose, because he loves digging in dirt like that. I think we're in for it with this one. I think the nail brush I bought to tackle the dirt under Jacob's nails might get a workout between these two boys!
So...yeah, those are the videos. Now it's time to start focusing on Jacob's birthday, because I feel totally unprepared. I'm hoping we have enough gifts to make him feel special (because, when you're six, isn't that what it's all about?), and looking forward to dinner out on Friday. I'm sure I'll have plenty of thoughts on six years of Jacob in the next couple days. Stay tuned...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)