Holy cow...

I don't know if ten weeks was the magic number, or if we have Jacob's unfortunate cold to blame (or his humidifier's white noise to thank), but Jacob just officially slept through the night. We put him to bed around 11pm, and when I woke up at 6 and realized he hadn't woken me up yet, I was shocked! I was a little nervous (he's pretty congested so of course all sorts of things go through your mind), particularly because I hadn't heard a peep out of him...no coughing, no grunting, no coos. Craig got up and looked in on him, and he was apparently awake but content. He started crying at 6:30 for a feeding. He was in a great mood after the first half of his feeding, when I was changing his diaper, and was shooting me all sorts of smiles! The second half didn't go well, with a coughing fit disrupting everything and making him spit-up. He never really got back on track after that, but was content enough to fall back asleep for a couple more hours, allowing Mommy and Daddy some sorely needed sleep-in time! I don't know if we know what to do with this much sleep, but man, did it feel good! We have a busy day today getting ready for the christening tomorrow, so a good night's sleep was a great start! Now if Jacob could just shake this cough, all would be right with the world!

Jacob's Bodily Fluids

So...not much to report except that I'm still addicted to Facebook. Oops. My cold seems to be getting better (no more splitting sinus headache), but Jacob still has quite the cough. It pains us every time he does it. Still, when he's content he seems happy enough and the coughs don't seem to phase him too much. If he's miserable, the coughs seem to bother him even more. Last night he seemed really uncomfortable, but I think in the end it ended up being a BM-in-process more than anything else. He ended up having a massive poop (again) that made its way out the side of his diaper (again), leading to a massive clean-up with hot water and OxiClean (again). If only there was a way to get him to have smaller BMs each day instead of one big one every few days. The problem is that he's not actually constipated (it would have to be hard when it comes out, and it's far from it), just infrequent. My only hope is he doesn't pull one of those out on Sunday for his big day. Yikes. Once he got that out he seemed much more comfortable overall, and we set him up with a cool mist humidifier to try to ease his congestion. He actually slept from 11:30 to 5:30, which was awesome, and seemed a little less coughy when I fed him (though he did have a massive spitup and did cough more when I laid him down). I hope he gets over his cold quickly so he's in a good mood for the weekend.

So yeah, I've definitely had my fill of Jacob's bodily fluids in the past 24 hours. He's still an amazing little guy and really cracks me up when he's in a good mood. I just feel bad that things have been so busy and our evenings haven't been quality time. Either I'm running around trying to get things done, or I'm feeding him, and last night I was falling asleep during that time. I think we've had a hard time getting ourselves in sync. Either I'm tired or he is, either I'm busy or he's cranky...so I haven't seen a lot of those famous smiles in the last couple days :( Hopefully soon.

Monday's Highlights

Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday. Not that I had much to post about, though. We had a nice weekend with my parents in town, and Jacob didn't disappoint...he's getting quite entertaining these days. When he's in a good mood, he smiles a lot and has this overall excited look on his face...very cute. He napped at good times (church, lunch at Olive Garden) and kept us entertained at Subway when we realized he might have a slight fear of ice. He jumped a mile every time someone got ice out of the soda fountain, and then got the most freaked out look on his face when my dad shook my cup of ice and made it rattle. This happened about three times, with the same look each time. So funny.

Yesterday he apparently did well at day care, with lots of smiles and noises. He presented us with a BM in the evening, which I caught right away now that I know his "look" when he's pushing one out. Fortunately it wasn't a big one this time...nice and normal sized. Hopefully that's the start of a trend. Unfortunately, he seemed gassy again this morning so I'm not sure what his poor little system is doing. Darn formula.

Even worse is that I think Jacob might be getting my cold. I noticed in the middle of the night from Sunday to Monday that I had a sore throat. Craig got home around 2am from the Major League Lacrosse Championship weekend (The Rattlers won!! Too bad the trophy doesn't have a cup on top like the hockey and indoor lacrosse trophies, because Jacob's butt would have been in it for photos ASAP...assuming the league ever gets in engraved and lets the team have it for a while) and stayed up chatting during Jacob's feeding. I noticed I wasn't feeling great but hoped it was just allergies. No such luck. And just in time for a very busy week and a big weekend. Sunday is Jacob's baptism and we have a lot to do to prepare for it. It's also my birthday, but I'm way less concerned about that, even if it is a "big" one. Anyway, I feel bad because Jacob seemed a little congested last night and this morning, coughing and sneezing more than normal. I'd hate for him to be sick so soon--poor thing--and the timing isn't great in general with his big day coming up. I don't want him to be fussy for his own sake, or for mine, since I'm not feeling particularly patient or energetic in the midst of my cold. Ugh. The good news is that I think we'll both be feeling better by next weekend for my friend Lois' wedding. Let's hope anyway, because a long car ride with a sick infant doesn't sound fun, and I will need all of my energy to make it through a long day of bridal party activities.

Speaking of Lois, she got me to take a big technological step yesterday...I now have my own Facebook page. I had sort of been meaning to look into it lately, but never got around to it. Lois sent me an invite to check out hers, and I had to sign up to do so, so I figured there was no time like the present. It's a pretty crazy thing, though...I've only been on it for a day and I already have 20 friends, either from people I've found or people who found me. And I haven't even really gotten around to looking a lot. But just like that I have potential reconnections with people from high school and college that I haven't talked to in ages. In a way it's a little like my high school reunion...do you let bygones by bygones and ignore the fact that you haven't bothered to be in contact with someone for years, or do you let the fear that they might not remember you (or care to) stop you from putting in a friend request? It's like high school self-esteem issues all over again, though in most cases I think people just don't care now. I'm not sure what prevented me from doing this all along, but I definitely had this feeling that it was a thing for "kids", pretty much anyone younger than me...because I think I was graduating college when these social networking sites were just starting to gain popularity. It seems like everyone after me got into it, but until recently I didn't really know anyone my age that had a page (that I knew of, anyway). It's an interesting time to get involved, though, because so many people I know from college have young kids...so seeing their babies has been cool and having potential connections for future kid stuff is probably a good idea as well. Of course, it's a new obsession that I don't really have time for. But we'll see how it goes...

Looking back and seeing the future...

Twelve years ago today I went to college for the first time. It's an amazing thought, because time since then has flown. It's amazing to think that if you go in the other direction, twelve years before that day, I was only five years old going on six, heading off to first grade...and those twelve years seemed to take forever! These twelve years have flown, and it boggles my mind to think of how life has changed since then...nearly as much as the twelve years prior, I suppose, even though I feel like roughly the same person, just with more responsibilities.

I'm not sure why I remember the exact date after all these years, but I suppose it was burned into my memory that whole summer. I was dreading the day because I never wanted to go away to college. Of course, it turned out to be one of the greatest things ever, for so many reasons. I loved it almost immediately. I had a great roommate, and for whatever reason, college life in general agreed with me completely. That day turned out to be such a significant day in my life, looking back on it all. Obviously going to college was a big deal, a gigantic step in growing up and gaining independence. However, I tend to think it was more significant because it was the day I met Mary, my then-roommate and someone I still consider a best friend even though we don't talk nearly as much as we used to, thanks to schedules and all that. But it's one of those friendships that I don't think needs that...we could hang out anytime and probably fall right back into things no problem. It just amazes me that for so long she was such a good friend despite not having known her for that long. But now, all of a sudden, we've known each other for twelve years!

The point of all of this and how it relates to Jacob is that sometimes we don't realize significant days of our lives when they happen to us. Some things, like a wedding day or the birth of a child, are obvious. But with other days, it's only years later that we look back and go, wow...that day really impacted my future. Whether it's meeting someone that would become a best friend, or meeting a spouse, or starting a job that becomes central to your world, sometimes you just don't realize the significance right away. I could say that for the day I met Craig. He interviewed me for my internship with the Amerks. Little did I know as I sat through that interview that I was speaking with my future husband and father of my child. It never would have crossed my mind. But that day completely changed my life, from getting me my first job (in sports, no less) to introducing me to the love of my life. Who knew? Even something as odd as the day Jacob was conceived...which we still don't know for sure...but who knew that that day would be the day our baby would come into being? Or the day we found out I was pregnant...I had no idea that morning that I would be running out to the store to buy a pregnancy test (to rule it out for when I called the doctor wondering why I hadn't had my period yet despite taking a pill to get it) and seeing a line that would change our lives forever.

It's stuff like this that makes you look back at life and realize that there really is some sort of crazy master plan that God put in place. All of these little moments, so seemingly insignificant, tend to come back around and make perfect sense later on. It's truly an amazing masterpiece to behold when you see the big picture. Pretty stinkin' cool. Anyway, happy anniversary, Mary :) It's been a great twelve years and I can't wait to see you and Lois in a couple weeks!

And for those of you interested in baby news, after a small bowel movement yesterday (big celebration over the phone when day care told me that--who knew I'd celebrate poop?), he had a gigantic one today that overflowed the diaper by a long shot. Thank goodness for big shorts! I'm hoping this means his new formula will help him get regular ASAP and we'll have smaller, more manageable BMs soon. Not a fan of the big ones that he's saving up from a couple days' worth of feedings! But for now we're having a nice weekend with Grandma and Grandpa...fun stuff!

Motherhood

A couple years ago my mom sent me an email forward that talked about motherhood...about all the things that you never really realize going into it, the way it will take over your whole world in ways you can't even comprehend. I saved it, knowing that at some point I'd be thinking of being a mother, or would be a mother, and I might appreciate it that much more. I think I never read it while I was pregnant because I was afraid that 1) my emotions would take over and I'd cry; or 2) it would make me even more panicked about becoming a mother, like I'm emotionally deficient because I can't fathom going through some of the things the story talks about. I thought about it recently and thought it was probably time to read it again. I must say that in some ways I definitely get what the article is saying...but I also know I'm so early on in this process that I still can't begin to understand a lot of what it is talking about. Soon enough, I'm sure. But without further ado, here it is...

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family.""We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral." I know," she says, "No more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every-day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may belurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years ... not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes."You'll never regret it," I finally say.Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Grandma and Grandpa Binkley are coming to visit Jacob this weekend, so it's time to go make sure the house isn't a complete disaster :) Have a nice weekend!

Doctor's appointment

Just a quick update today since I'm working through most of my lunch to make up for time I missed while at Jacob's doctor's appointment. It went well and she was happy with how he's doing. He's 12 pounds and 23-1/2 inches long. He survived his immunizations - four shots and one oral one. He was not a happy camper, and he bled like crazy...the nurse had to replace both of his band-aids. Poor thing. I took him home on the way back to day care and gave him a little Tylenol, just so he wasn't miserable for the people at day care. He seemed to calm down a bit afterward and fell asleep on the five minute drive from the house to day care. He hadn't eaten much and wouldn't sleep this morning, so hopefully he'll conk out this afternoon for them a bit. As far as his gas problems go, we have a couple formula samples to try to see if that helps him a bit. He hasn't pooped again in a couple days, though the doctor didn't seem that concerned about it, but it still bothers me! I'll feel better when he stops doing this screechy cry that he does when he's gassy. So yeah, everything went well, and we don't have to go back for another two months (knock on wood)...he'll be such a big boy by then....crazy!

Johnson & Johnson is right...

...Having a baby does change everything. Have you seen those commercials? I've seen them here and there since I was pregnant, but I've been seeing more of them lately during the Olympics since J&J is a sponsor. They've had some cute ones featuring olympic athletes, namely swimmer Summer Sanders, comparing her greatest achievements--a gold medal vs. something soft and pink--and comparing her hardcore swimming to her kid just splashing around in the tub. There have been other generic ones in the past, but all with the same tagline..."Having a baby changes everything." They couldn't be more right. Yesterday a co-worker and I were discussing baby stuff (she's got a nine month old) and how you just don't get it until you have a baby. We were speaking simply about being completely blown away by how cute and amazing your child is, but that's not even getting into the obvious stuff like not being able to go to the store on a whim or easily take a vacation or get up when you feel like it. Here's the top things I've noticed:

1. Everything needs to be planned out - Jacob's schedule rules, so going out anywhere takes some pre-planning...whether it's working around a feeding or a nap, going while he's napping (thank goodness motion puts him to sleep--I did one three-stop shopping trip one day, and between the car and the stoller, he was out for the whole thing), or planning out the contents of the diaper bag if we're out long enough for a feeding or diaper changes. Nothing is just "get up and go" anymore.

2. Life is pretty much "on demand" now...and I don't get a vote - Jacob hasn't learned patience yet. If he's hungry, he cries until he gets fed. And since 95% of the time (at home, anyway), I'm the one feeding him, it means I have to put down what I'm doing and feed him. In general there's just a lot of things that I have to do, whether it's getting out of bed when I really don't want to or having to wash bottles every single night or having to pump every three or so hours so I'm not in pain. I feel bad, but Craig often gets stuck on Jacob duty (not that watching Jacob is bad, but I'm sure he's got a list of a few other things he'd like to do when he's home for the evening), because certain things have to take priority. If it's something I need to do (like wash bottles or write overdue baptism invitiations or get shoes so I can get a bridesmaid dress altered ASAP), then he's on baby duty while those things are happening. It's usually the easiest option.

3. I can survive on less sleep than I thought I could - I'm moderately functional at work on about five hours. Nothing less than six was manageable before. I still get tired and it still sneaks up on me in nasty ways, but at least I can function most of the time. I tend to get cranky/panicked/exhausted at the most inopportune times, of course, but fortunately I don't think it happens as often as I thought it would.

4. Priorities totally shift - This is a no-brainer, but it manifests itself in different ways than I thought it would. Certain little nagging things that I would think about before barely cross my mind anymore. TV has slid down the scale a lot...though the Olympics may have something to do with that now...but even still, my attention to TV shows is greatly reduced when I'm trying to feed or entertain a baby. Thank goodness for DVR and the ability to rewind live shows. Even a trip to a department store changes. Where I used to run to the women's clearance clothes racks, now I barely peruse those but run to the baby clearance to see if I can snag a good deal for Jacob. Even in our home improvements...central air popped right to the top of the list when we realized our house might get too hot for Jacob, pushing my kitchen renovation down a bit. A new stationary tub has also climbed the list, because I want a place to be able to wash out dirty clothes (poopy now, muddy later). Our current tub is old, the finish is peeling, and I don't want to know what kind of sludge makes itself at home there. Finally, going home at the end of the day isn't really about me anymore. I eagerly drive home just because I want to see Jacob. I suppose part of the "not about me" thing is because my evenings aren't mine anymore (see #2), but considering I spend all day looking at the pictures of Jacob around my cubicle, getting home to him is definitely a priority. And those are just a few examples.

5. Conversations shift - I never thought I'd have lengthy conversations with people about poop or gas. And yet, with what's been going on with Jacob lately, those have come up more and more. I'm also having some of those "mommy" conversations with people at work. In the past they might have bored me, but yup...there I am now, right in the middle of it all.

I could probably write more, but my lunch is over and it's time to pump as well...but maybe another day...