Three years ago today, Carter had strep on the day before his birthday. Three years later, history has repeated itself. Darn it.
After having eerily similar symptoms on Saturday night to his strep just over a month ago, the sore throat eased up a bit but the low-grade fever remained. He actually felt fine all week despite a consistent 99.5ish fever, but the bedwetting issue stuck around, which definitely had my radar up. We had no issue with it since mid-antibiotics a month ago, and now suddenly he's wet again every night? I mean, his tonsils were huge (like, almost touching), so I suppose it was possible that they were causing worse apnea than usual and doing whatever was happening to him for the month and a half prior to the strep, but it just seemed....odd.
All week I went back and forth with the pediatrician and ENT trying to figure out what to do. The pediatrician suggested waiting it out because it wasn't worth bringing him into the office with all the other stuff that's going on right now if it was just a minor virus that would go away on its own. The ENT suggested waiting, too, right up through today. But last night when I realized that a positive strep test today would pull him out of school for not only his birthday, but also the much-celebrated 100th day of school, I decided we had to get it checked right away.
Luckily we got to see our normal doctor, which doesn't always happen in the evenings, and she was very intrigued by the bedwetting issue--that it completely stopped after the antibiotics, and started up again this week. She was impressed by the size of his tonsils, though noted that his lymph nodes weren't too bad, which gave me hope that maybe it wasn't strep. But sure enough, the strep test was positive.
On the bright side, my mother's intuition is on point. Carol Brady would be proud. But I was pretty bummed because all week the ENT had been telling me that they usually want two weeks after strep to do surgery, so if he tested positive that would most likely cancel the surgery. So, of course, all of a sudden the positive test sort of re-routed our next couple weeks. When we stopped at Wegmans to get the antibiotics I decided to not get any of the soft foods he'll need when the surgery happens, just because I didn't want it clogging up my full pantry when the surgery date was completely unknown. I figured out my work schedule for break next week and tried to make peace with the fact our big master plan wasn't happening. I was frustrated that Carter would have to miss more school and that he'd have weeks more of his apnea-filled sleep, and I was worried that if he's actually a strep carrier that we'd be on this endless loop of positive tests before they'd finally consent to surgery. But then I actually got a little excited to just have some fun, pain-free bonus time with Carter (and Jacob, too) next week. Lemonade out of lemons, I guess.
This morning he woke up fever-free and said he throat didn't hurt at all. Since the doctor said it was okay to send him to school if that was the case, off he went--it is Valentine's Day, after all. I called the ENT on my way to work and let them know the test was positive, and called the dentist to cancel his appointment on Friday (his birthday, I know--pretty sure I didn't set up that one!). A little while after I got to work, the nurse from the ENT office called me and said that if he didn't have any symptoms and he was on the antibiotics, we were okay to proceed with the surgery. Say what?! So after hearing all week that it wouldn't happen if he had strep, all of a sudden we were back to Plan A.
Maybe it was the insane amount of carbs from my office's Valentine's Breakfast, but by mid-morning I was exhausted. I really think has a lot to do with the mental and emotional roller coaster that we've been on all week. From planning on the surgery, to thinking he was sick, to thinking he was mostly OK, to thinking the surgery would be canceled, to thinking there was still a chance he'd be OK, to being almost positive it would be canceled, and finally back to where we started...suffice it to say I'm exhausted. Now I'm just praying he didn't pick up anything at the doctor's office (two rounds of hand sanitizer) and won't at school or anywhere else over the next four days. I don't think I can take another switch.
So, tomorrow we will just focus on celebrating our sweet little dude, giant tonsils and all, and then we'll do what we can all weekend to fill him up on his favorite foods before they're banned for a couple weeks. Craig is off all weekend and Jacob has one basketball game and possibly a lacrosse practice, but that's about it. So hopefully we can have a nice family weekend and get ourselves ready for a crazy couple weeks. Keep us in your prayers!
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Monday, February 11, 2019
A-Ha Moment
A couple weeks ago I saw a meme on Facebook that said something like, "The wins and losses will be forgotten, but you'll remember your teammates forever." At that moment, it struck me that I don't feel like Jacob feels that way about his sports teammates. He's always been friendly enough with his teammates, but never really made anything I'd consider a life-long friendship.
But it wasn't until we were chatting with his therapist at our monthly appointment last week that I realized the significance of this issue. The therapist asked him about his teammates, and what he likes about them. As he started discussing them, I realized everything revolved around their skills on the field, rather than their personalities. Hmmm.
Ever since Jacob could walk, he's been obsessed with sports. It has been central to almost everything in his life. Conveniently, he grew up with a dad working in sports and a mom with a very high tolerance for them, so it was always pretty natural. As a toddler he constantly had a piece of sports equipment in his hand--be it a bat, lacrosse stick, hockey stick, or a ball. And if he didn't have one of those things, he was making something into sports equipment--a toy broom became a hockey stick, or a toy pot and plastic apple became a lacrosse stick and ball. It was constant. And when he got older, he graduated to simulating a sporting event however he could--playing in our living room, drawing it on paper, or playing with action figures, keychains, condiment bottles, or whatever else he could find on a pretend field or rink. It was just a way of life, and to this day he is mostly either playing basketball outside, in his room, or on the Xbox.
The sports have changed over the years. As a toddler it was usually whatever was in season. As he got older, there's been an ebb and flow--usually in something in season but periodically something would strike his fancy and we'd be on a whole new obsession out of the blue. He tried soccer when he was four, and started lacrosse when he was five. Baseball came the following summer and lasted four summers, until kid pitch started and it got a lot less fun. To be fair, lacrosse was really starting to take over at that point, but I'll admit that having kids pitch made it extra slow and very hard to get a hit, so it's no wonder Jacob was frustrated. We hated to lose some of the relationships we'd made, but it seemed necessary at the time to focus on his true love, lacrosse.
For the past six years, lacrosse has been the constant in his sports universe, in some form--whether playing or being a fan. And now, it's not. When he plays his last travel tournament in July, that may be the end of his lacrosse career. It's heartbreaking and disappointing...but seemingly inevitable. He just doesn't love it anymore. After not winning a house league game in about a year, and not getting reasonable playing time with his very successful travel team, he's lost his fire. Maybe he's just burned out. It takes an effort every week to get him to go to practices (house and travel) and his one weekly game. He can't see the opportunity to grow in practices and doesn't want to get hit during games. He's not having fun anymore, and it's so sad to see. The spring in his step just isn't there. The other night he had two goals and it was great, but the team lost again and the goals seemed like a hollow victory in comparison. The worst part, perhaps, is that we'll miss the families so much. It was hard enough to lose our travel families when he didn't make his old team this fall, but now we'll lose our house families, too. We went to a great Super Bowl party with a few of them last week, and it was a blast. But will we get invited back next year if we're not playing with them anymore? Every week when we go to games and practices there are so many people we know, and it will be a bummer to start to lose those connections, just like we did in baseball a couple years ago.
On the other hand, where lacrosse has died off, basketball has picked up. He has been passionate from time to time for years (all the way back to his mini basketball hoop at age 2), but it's been solid since the Raptors' playoff run this past spring. Camp and the big hoop last summer solidified it, and now that he's playing for a real team, he's all in. Well, he's annoyed with the small court they play on half the time, but he is passionate about it otherwise. And it shows when he's out on the court. I've never seen him look so comfortable or so eager. He's faster than I've ever seen, and is so sharp out there. He looks smooth and you can see his excitement. I love it. It makes me wish he could be like that about lacrosse again, too, after all the time and effort (and money) we've put into that, but I'm glad he's found his spot.
But here's the thing, getting back to the moment at the therapist the other day--he's still not really embracing the teammate thing. He loves sports, but it's always been all about the sport. He's taken it super seriously, always on the hunt for the right equipment or just the right move to make his game better. But I'm not sure he's ever had FUN. It's mostly been about winning and personal stats. He's not a bad teammate, per se, but his motivation to be a good teammate is to win and indirectly help his own game. But until I saw that meme I never really put two and two together that he's never looked at his teammates as more than a means to an end. When he didn't make his travel team, he did say he was going to miss his teammates, but now he says he doesn't--particularly since only a couple of them still talk to him at practice. It breaks my heart as I think of all the teams and all the opportunities he's had to make friends...and while they've been solid acquaintances, I'm not sure any of them have truly stuck. I already see the same thing happening with basketball, too.
As we worked through this issue with the therapist, she made a good point. The lack of solid relationships has probably also made it easier to leave. When you have a relationship with your teammates, there's a trust there. Leaving breaks that trust, so it makes it harder to make that decision than if you didn't have it. In adult life, it's those types of relationships that make it hard to leave a job, or even some sort of activity or committee. Jacob doesn't seem to have that, so he can leave his team without guilt or without a true sense of loss. When she made that connection, his complete lack of hesitation to quit lacrosse (and baseball before it) made a lot more sense.
Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure what the answer is. We came to this realization late in our therapy session, so hopefully we can dig back in next month. It saddens me that this is how he operates. I don't know if it's just a matter of talking him through this to help him understand why this isn't ideal, or if a lot more digging is needed to figure out the cause. I don't think he's entirely like this at school, although hardcore friendships have never been his strong suit. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, or just how ADHD hyperfocus plays out in sports. Maybe he's just compartmentalizing a bit too much and doesn't realize that teammates can be friends. He's often complained that other kids don't pass to him, and it definitely has some merit, but I can't help but wonder if it's just that he hasn't built up that friendship-like trust enough with kids that probably still "see" their friends better on the field than anyone else.
I apologize if this is too abstract a concept to come across clearly, but it was just such an a-ha moment when it happened that I wanted to talk myself through it here, too. Jacob's "difficult personality" diagnosis five years ago has definitely held true in many areas of his life, and apparently sports is no exception. Let's hope that a bit more maturity and some positive team experiences moving forward help him understand there's more to it than just the sport.
But it wasn't until we were chatting with his therapist at our monthly appointment last week that I realized the significance of this issue. The therapist asked him about his teammates, and what he likes about them. As he started discussing them, I realized everything revolved around their skills on the field, rather than their personalities. Hmmm.
Ever since Jacob could walk, he's been obsessed with sports. It has been central to almost everything in his life. Conveniently, he grew up with a dad working in sports and a mom with a very high tolerance for them, so it was always pretty natural. As a toddler he constantly had a piece of sports equipment in his hand--be it a bat, lacrosse stick, hockey stick, or a ball. And if he didn't have one of those things, he was making something into sports equipment--a toy broom became a hockey stick, or a toy pot and plastic apple became a lacrosse stick and ball. It was constant. And when he got older, he graduated to simulating a sporting event however he could--playing in our living room, drawing it on paper, or playing with action figures, keychains, condiment bottles, or whatever else he could find on a pretend field or rink. It was just a way of life, and to this day he is mostly either playing basketball outside, in his room, or on the Xbox.
The sports have changed over the years. As a toddler it was usually whatever was in season. As he got older, there's been an ebb and flow--usually in something in season but periodically something would strike his fancy and we'd be on a whole new obsession out of the blue. He tried soccer when he was four, and started lacrosse when he was five. Baseball came the following summer and lasted four summers, until kid pitch started and it got a lot less fun. To be fair, lacrosse was really starting to take over at that point, but I'll admit that having kids pitch made it extra slow and very hard to get a hit, so it's no wonder Jacob was frustrated. We hated to lose some of the relationships we'd made, but it seemed necessary at the time to focus on his true love, lacrosse.
For the past six years, lacrosse has been the constant in his sports universe, in some form--whether playing or being a fan. And now, it's not. When he plays his last travel tournament in July, that may be the end of his lacrosse career. It's heartbreaking and disappointing...but seemingly inevitable. He just doesn't love it anymore. After not winning a house league game in about a year, and not getting reasonable playing time with his very successful travel team, he's lost his fire. Maybe he's just burned out. It takes an effort every week to get him to go to practices (house and travel) and his one weekly game. He can't see the opportunity to grow in practices and doesn't want to get hit during games. He's not having fun anymore, and it's so sad to see. The spring in his step just isn't there. The other night he had two goals and it was great, but the team lost again and the goals seemed like a hollow victory in comparison. The worst part, perhaps, is that we'll miss the families so much. It was hard enough to lose our travel families when he didn't make his old team this fall, but now we'll lose our house families, too. We went to a great Super Bowl party with a few of them last week, and it was a blast. But will we get invited back next year if we're not playing with them anymore? Every week when we go to games and practices there are so many people we know, and it will be a bummer to start to lose those connections, just like we did in baseball a couple years ago.
On the other hand, where lacrosse has died off, basketball has picked up. He has been passionate from time to time for years (all the way back to his mini basketball hoop at age 2), but it's been solid since the Raptors' playoff run this past spring. Camp and the big hoop last summer solidified it, and now that he's playing for a real team, he's all in. Well, he's annoyed with the small court they play on half the time, but he is passionate about it otherwise. And it shows when he's out on the court. I've never seen him look so comfortable or so eager. He's faster than I've ever seen, and is so sharp out there. He looks smooth and you can see his excitement. I love it. It makes me wish he could be like that about lacrosse again, too, after all the time and effort (and money) we've put into that, but I'm glad he's found his spot.
But here's the thing, getting back to the moment at the therapist the other day--he's still not really embracing the teammate thing. He loves sports, but it's always been all about the sport. He's taken it super seriously, always on the hunt for the right equipment or just the right move to make his game better. But I'm not sure he's ever had FUN. It's mostly been about winning and personal stats. He's not a bad teammate, per se, but his motivation to be a good teammate is to win and indirectly help his own game. But until I saw that meme I never really put two and two together that he's never looked at his teammates as more than a means to an end. When he didn't make his travel team, he did say he was going to miss his teammates, but now he says he doesn't--particularly since only a couple of them still talk to him at practice. It breaks my heart as I think of all the teams and all the opportunities he's had to make friends...and while they've been solid acquaintances, I'm not sure any of them have truly stuck. I already see the same thing happening with basketball, too.
As we worked through this issue with the therapist, she made a good point. The lack of solid relationships has probably also made it easier to leave. When you have a relationship with your teammates, there's a trust there. Leaving breaks that trust, so it makes it harder to make that decision than if you didn't have it. In adult life, it's those types of relationships that make it hard to leave a job, or even some sort of activity or committee. Jacob doesn't seem to have that, so he can leave his team without guilt or without a true sense of loss. When she made that connection, his complete lack of hesitation to quit lacrosse (and baseball before it) made a lot more sense.
Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure what the answer is. We came to this realization late in our therapy session, so hopefully we can dig back in next month. It saddens me that this is how he operates. I don't know if it's just a matter of talking him through this to help him understand why this isn't ideal, or if a lot more digging is needed to figure out the cause. I don't think he's entirely like this at school, although hardcore friendships have never been his strong suit. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, or just how ADHD hyperfocus plays out in sports. Maybe he's just compartmentalizing a bit too much and doesn't realize that teammates can be friends. He's often complained that other kids don't pass to him, and it definitely has some merit, but I can't help but wonder if it's just that he hasn't built up that friendship-like trust enough with kids that probably still "see" their friends better on the field than anyone else.
I apologize if this is too abstract a concept to come across clearly, but it was just such an a-ha moment when it happened that I wanted to talk myself through it here, too. Jacob's "difficult personality" diagnosis five years ago has definitely held true in many areas of his life, and apparently sports is no exception. Let's hope that a bit more maturity and some positive team experiences moving forward help him understand there's more to it than just the sport.
Saturday, February 9, 2019
Wacky Weather
We'd had a pretty uneventful winter right through January, but the last couple weeks have been crazy. It seems like our weather has lost its mind.
Three weeks ago we got over a foot and a half of snow. That pretty much provided as much snow as I wanted to deal with this winter.
Then a week and a half ago we had a round of crazy frigid weather. Sub-zero wind chills, a few inches of snow, and enough wind to make things challenging. The kids didn't have school and one of the main expressways here, my main route to and from work, closed. Buffalo went so far as to have a blizzard.
Four days later, it was 60 degrees and sunny. It felt heavenly, but of course it was short lived.
A couple days after that, we had a minor ice storm. It started raining in the morning and pretty quickly ice was accumulating on everything. I had to work an event for work, and it was really nerve-wracking as we drove there and I watched ice accumulate on a truck's antenna. Everything was slick, but luckily by the time we got back to the office it was starting to melt there. I didn't even have to scrape my car. But when I got home, it was a different story. This is what our burning bush looked like...
Our basketball hoop was rather stiff, which was pretty awesome.
I couldn't help but take a couple pictures of our tree, and they may be a couple of my favorite pictures I've ever taken, at least if you look close enough to see the cracks in the ice.
The burning bush was cool from the other direction, too.
I figured it would melt by the next night when it started raining, but no, I still caught this impressive-looking grassy weed. But a couple hours later it was melting off the trees so much you'd think it was raining!
And by Friday, we had 60 mph winds. Enough to make me crazy, but not enough to do any damage (thank God). Bonus points for coming out of Jacob's basketball game last night to measurable snow, after it had been unproductively snowing on and off all day. Oh, and it was still windy. Awesome way to end a really long day...not.
Anyway, it's starting to get a little exhausting. We're busy enough with everything else these days, let alone to complicate things with weather. Of course, six years ago this week we were dealing with even more extreme weather when I was super uncomfortably pregnant. In fact, I wrote that post six years ago tonight, which makes me smile knowing that Carter's birthday is merely five days away. Little did I know then...
And no, I'm not much better prepared for his birthday today than I was when I wrote my last post. I tried, I really did...but it did not go well, and I just can't seem to think of ways to make it special right now. But oh, tonight he seemed to be having a strep recurrence (same nausea minus the actual vomiting, slight fever, sore throat, and first bed wetting issue since the antibiotics kicked in last time), so perhaps we'll be getting the tonsils out in the nick of time. We'll weigh the Sunday morning doctor visit when I see how he's feeling in the morning. Poor kid, just in time for his birthday...just like three years ago. But even if this is strep, hopefully it'll be the last time since a tonsillectomy seems to be the cure-all for that. I'm still nervous as heck, but perhaps this will solidify the decision even more. It's going to be a crazy week either way...
Three weeks ago we got over a foot and a half of snow. That pretty much provided as much snow as I wanted to deal with this winter.
Then a week and a half ago we had a round of crazy frigid weather. Sub-zero wind chills, a few inches of snow, and enough wind to make things challenging. The kids didn't have school and one of the main expressways here, my main route to and from work, closed. Buffalo went so far as to have a blizzard.
Four days later, it was 60 degrees and sunny. It felt heavenly, but of course it was short lived.
A couple days after that, we had a minor ice storm. It started raining in the morning and pretty quickly ice was accumulating on everything. I had to work an event for work, and it was really nerve-wracking as we drove there and I watched ice accumulate on a truck's antenna. Everything was slick, but luckily by the time we got back to the office it was starting to melt there. I didn't even have to scrape my car. But when I got home, it was a different story. This is what our burning bush looked like...
Our basketball hoop was rather stiff, which was pretty awesome.
I couldn't help but take a couple pictures of our tree, and they may be a couple of my favorite pictures I've ever taken, at least if you look close enough to see the cracks in the ice.
The burning bush was cool from the other direction, too.
I figured it would melt by the next night when it started raining, but no, I still caught this impressive-looking grassy weed. But a couple hours later it was melting off the trees so much you'd think it was raining!
And by Friday, we had 60 mph winds. Enough to make me crazy, but not enough to do any damage (thank God). Bonus points for coming out of Jacob's basketball game last night to measurable snow, after it had been unproductively snowing on and off all day. Oh, and it was still windy. Awesome way to end a really long day...not.
Anyway, it's starting to get a little exhausting. We're busy enough with everything else these days, let alone to complicate things with weather. Of course, six years ago this week we were dealing with even more extreme weather when I was super uncomfortably pregnant. In fact, I wrote that post six years ago tonight, which makes me smile knowing that Carter's birthday is merely five days away. Little did I know then...
And no, I'm not much better prepared for his birthday today than I was when I wrote my last post. I tried, I really did...but it did not go well, and I just can't seem to think of ways to make it special right now. But oh, tonight he seemed to be having a strep recurrence (same nausea minus the actual vomiting, slight fever, sore throat, and first bed wetting issue since the antibiotics kicked in last time), so perhaps we'll be getting the tonsils out in the nick of time. We'll weigh the Sunday morning doctor visit when I see how he's feeling in the morning. Poor kid, just in time for his birthday...just like three years ago. But even if this is strep, hopefully it'll be the last time since a tonsillectomy seems to be the cure-all for that. I'm still nervous as heck, but perhaps this will solidify the decision even more. It's going to be a crazy week either way...
Thursday, February 7, 2019
Two Weeks Times Two
It's February. Seven years ago February was just another month of an endless winter. Six years ago it was the home stretch (though a shorter one than expected). For the last five years it's marked the countdown to a holiday we mostly ignore followed immediately by Carter's birthday. This year, it is a tale of two two-week spans. The first two weeks are full of stuff--lots of work stuff for both of us, Jacob's sports, and preparations for the 100th day of school, Valentine's Day, and Carter's birthday. The last two weeks will be the recovery from Carter's surgery. Everything is sort of based on that before and after, and I'm having a tough time processing it all.
For a while it felt like the surgery would never get here, but now that we have less than two weeks, I'm in a panic that it'll all never get done. I have so much going on at work and need to prep for most of two weeks off on top of it. Jacob still has enough sports to keep us busy, and Craig's schedule is crazy as usual. I've felt behind for weeks--my uncle's passing, Carter's strep, lots of crazy weather including two cold days with no school, Craig's roadtrips, and 4-5 days each week for Jacob's sports. Last weekend I had a very random low blood sugar episode on Saturday around noon, which put me even more behind. I never had breakfast because I slept in/dozed while Carter watched TV, and then I FaceTimed with my parents for a bit before settling on making pancakes for brunch. But as I cooked I got very lightheaded and my fingers began to tingle. I did everything I could to finish cooking so the kids could eat and I could get some food in my system, which I did just in time. But it took most of the afternoon to recover, and by then I was behind on everything I'd planned for the weekend. But what else is new, I guess?
I just feel like we're all out of sync and off our routine, and it's making everything that much harder. I've barely planned Carter's birthday. We decided to move his party back for a bit, but normally by now I have a full game plan for presents. Yet I currently feel like he has too many toys as it is and nothing is jumping out at me this year. As a result, I'm currently making do with whatever we've cobbled together. I've only gotten the kids a couple candies for Valentine's Day, and now we have Carter's 100th day of school celebration to prepare for, too, and even with Pinterest I'm a little concerned about that one. Our schedule just hasn't lent itself to me doing anything on my own, or even being able to escape the house with just one kid in tow, which makes it tough to accomplish much of anything. It feels like a chore to drag either kid away from a screen, and when Craig is home he's generally either working remotely or napping off his most recent travels. Sports are messing up our evening dinners at least a couple nights a week. No one goes to bed when they should, and none of us can seem to get up and out the door on time in the morning. We're just off, and all I can hope is that post-surgery we can do a wholesale reset.
Once we get through these two weeks, then we'll have two weeks of recovery to contend with. Of course, we have to get through surgery first. Anesthesia is always stressful, and I have no idea how Carter will do with that or the recovery. I had my tonsils out around the same age, and I remember it being very painful in the beginning. I also remember craving Doritos and being sad I couldn't have them for a while, but beyond that it's fuzzy. After surgery we'll be on an every-three-hour, 'round the clock medication routine for a week or so, so it will feel like we have a newborn again. Keeping him calm for 2-3 weeks to minimize the risk of bleeding will be a major challenge, as running is his favorite pastime and Jacob riles him up so easily. I'm actually very worried about him bleeding and will probably wake up hourly to check on him as a result. I'm looking forward to the snuggles but worried about keeping up with work. I also don't know how we're going to keep our already-underweight kid fueled up when jello will probably be his main request. On a related note, I had no idea how expensive Pediasure is. Usually he's a pretty good sick kid, and considering how much he loves screen time I'm sure he'll be cool with that...but breaking the habit afterward might be tough! I'm hoping new birthday toys will be a motivator to actually play a bit, too. But either way, the recovery seems daunting, for so many reasons.
The good news, of course, is if we get through this, we should have a happier, healthier kid in the long run. That's why we're going through all of this, and I hope someday Carter understands that. But in the meantime it's left us with a very strange February split in two, very decidedly "before" and "after". Keep us in your prayers that all goes smoothly...on both counts!
For a while it felt like the surgery would never get here, but now that we have less than two weeks, I'm in a panic that it'll all never get done. I have so much going on at work and need to prep for most of two weeks off on top of it. Jacob still has enough sports to keep us busy, and Craig's schedule is crazy as usual. I've felt behind for weeks--my uncle's passing, Carter's strep, lots of crazy weather including two cold days with no school, Craig's roadtrips, and 4-5 days each week for Jacob's sports. Last weekend I had a very random low blood sugar episode on Saturday around noon, which put me even more behind. I never had breakfast because I slept in/dozed while Carter watched TV, and then I FaceTimed with my parents for a bit before settling on making pancakes for brunch. But as I cooked I got very lightheaded and my fingers began to tingle. I did everything I could to finish cooking so the kids could eat and I could get some food in my system, which I did just in time. But it took most of the afternoon to recover, and by then I was behind on everything I'd planned for the weekend. But what else is new, I guess?
I just feel like we're all out of sync and off our routine, and it's making everything that much harder. I've barely planned Carter's birthday. We decided to move his party back for a bit, but normally by now I have a full game plan for presents. Yet I currently feel like he has too many toys as it is and nothing is jumping out at me this year. As a result, I'm currently making do with whatever we've cobbled together. I've only gotten the kids a couple candies for Valentine's Day, and now we have Carter's 100th day of school celebration to prepare for, too, and even with Pinterest I'm a little concerned about that one. Our schedule just hasn't lent itself to me doing anything on my own, or even being able to escape the house with just one kid in tow, which makes it tough to accomplish much of anything. It feels like a chore to drag either kid away from a screen, and when Craig is home he's generally either working remotely or napping off his most recent travels. Sports are messing up our evening dinners at least a couple nights a week. No one goes to bed when they should, and none of us can seem to get up and out the door on time in the morning. We're just off, and all I can hope is that post-surgery we can do a wholesale reset.
Once we get through these two weeks, then we'll have two weeks of recovery to contend with. Of course, we have to get through surgery first. Anesthesia is always stressful, and I have no idea how Carter will do with that or the recovery. I had my tonsils out around the same age, and I remember it being very painful in the beginning. I also remember craving Doritos and being sad I couldn't have them for a while, but beyond that it's fuzzy. After surgery we'll be on an every-three-hour, 'round the clock medication routine for a week or so, so it will feel like we have a newborn again. Keeping him calm for 2-3 weeks to minimize the risk of bleeding will be a major challenge, as running is his favorite pastime and Jacob riles him up so easily. I'm actually very worried about him bleeding and will probably wake up hourly to check on him as a result. I'm looking forward to the snuggles but worried about keeping up with work. I also don't know how we're going to keep our already-underweight kid fueled up when jello will probably be his main request. On a related note, I had no idea how expensive Pediasure is. Usually he's a pretty good sick kid, and considering how much he loves screen time I'm sure he'll be cool with that...but breaking the habit afterward might be tough! I'm hoping new birthday toys will be a motivator to actually play a bit, too. But either way, the recovery seems daunting, for so many reasons.
The good news, of course, is if we get through this, we should have a happier, healthier kid in the long run. That's why we're going through all of this, and I hope someday Carter understands that. But in the meantime it's left us with a very strange February split in two, very decidedly "before" and "after". Keep us in your prayers that all goes smoothly...on both counts!
Saturday, February 2, 2019
The Electronics Wars
When I became a parent, I had no idea that I would spend so much time arguing with my 10-year-old about random stuff. Well, I guess I never dreamed I'd have such a particular 10-year-old in the first place, but it seems that I'm not alone in a lot of these battles. Maybe other people aren't having in-depth conversations with their tween about the merits and drawbacks of countless pairs of sneakers or whether youth basketball requires a shooting sleeve that NBA players use, but one thing I know most of us have in common is electronics. There are so many different arguments to have about electronics these days, and I feel like we have had them all...almost daily...for months. The kid isn't even in middle school yet and I'm already burned out on what's appropriate, what isn't, and how we should proceed.
The challenge is that back when I was 10, we didn't really have these issues so there aren't many parenting precedents to go on. Maybe we had some version of them, but certainly not to the all-encompassing degree we do now. Back then, perhaps there was a battle to have a phone in your room, or even a separate phone line. Or maybe you wanted a TV in your room. We had a computer and I spent a significant amount of time on it at times, but "Where in the USA is Carmen Sandiego?" or a pixelated version of "Jeopardy!" only went so far.
I feel like back then there were built-in limits for all of these things, and none were so deeply woven into daily life as electronics seem to be now. A separate phone line cost money, and back then we knew the value of a dollar so adding to the phone bill was a big deal. A phone in your room was easier to come by, but I think most of us knew better than to hog the household phone line for too long. I got a TV in my room when I was a teenager, but it was a tiny black-and-white one and it didn't get cable. I had a handful of channels (one of which got Montreal Canadiens' games in French sometimes!), so I had a limited amount of use for it. Even when I borrowed my uncle's Pong console (25 years after it was popular, mind you), that only held my attention for so long. And I did love our computer, but it wasn't until we got an internet connection when I was 17 that self-control became a challenge. And even then we had the phone line issue as it was still good old dial-up! I did watch an awful lot of TV, but we only had a couple to share for the family so sometimes that battle was lost when everyone was home. And, as proven by the amount of reading I did in the summer, even I got bored with TV after a while. Another self-control danger zone was when we borrowed my cousins' Nintendo when they got grounded from it. I had a tough time breaking away from my beloved Super Mario, but again, a sore thumb and stiff neck eventually motivated me to stop, and it was a short-lived opportunity anyway.
Long story short, I feel like we had some sort of built-in level of self-control back then. We knew we shouldn't do those things all day every day, and we weren't so immersed in technology at that point where it was considered normal to look at a screen all the time. We knew how to entertain ourselves without it. Even with the most fun technology, either boredom would eventually set in or we just had a better sense of appropriateness and knew we had better ways to spend our time. But now, I feel like that self-awareness has disappeared a bit. Everyone does it, right? Okay, maybe that's not the case with all kids, but certainly I see it in mine...so maybe it's a parenting issue. But based on what I hear from others, maybe it's just how things are now.
Carter is definitely a screen kid. He loved TV from the get-go, and took to handheld electronics with ease. I think part of it is that we're often tired parents and if he'll just sit quietly with a screen (and not argue with his brother), it's a relief to get some peace and quiet. So that's partly our fault. But if given the opportunity, I think he'd do screen time 24/7 if he could. Fortunately, when we do force him off, he's very good about finding ways to amuse himself. He's very imaginative, and while he prefers to have a playing partner, he can find a way to keep himself busy with almost anything.
But then there's Jacob. Jacob liked TV when he was younger, but he almost always played with something else while watching it. Even now he loses interest in movies and shows a lot quicker. He also liked playing games on the iPad, but it was never a big thing for him. He had phases where he loved the Wii, and later the Xbox, but again, most of the time he'd do it and be done on his own. The only exception was when he started playing Minecraft, but then again that's when he had a cast on his leg and he couldn't do much else, so who could blame him? But lately, he seems to spend a lot of time in front of screens and I feel a bit helpless about it. Why? Because he flat-out refuses to do anything else. He hates reading. He doesn't have homework (which, I know, is ridiculous and he'll have a huge dose of culture shock next year). He can't play basketball outside right now, and while the hoop in his room gets plenty of use, it's not really enough. Toys, even Legos, have mostly lost their luster, unless he has someone to play with. Everything else he wants to do mostly revolves around electronics, and it's making me crazy. I can't really force him to do things he doesn't want to do--at least not unless I want to listen to endless complaining--so I feel stuck.
I don't want to make this stuff yet another battleground, but I do believe it's important enough in his foundation for life that I do need to push things a bit. Encouraging him to do other stuff only goes so far, and I guess I'd rather he play games than pester his brother constantly. It could literally be life-or-death (yikes) while Carter is recovering from his surgery (if you saw how often they tangle, you'd understand my concern), so we need to weigh pros and cons heavily. It's so exhausting. Here are the current battles we're fighting:
Constant online shopping - This one has been an issue for a while. Jacob constantly wants to use Craig's phone, and most of the time he's combing the internet for stuff. Sneakers, sports gear, electronics (see below), clothes, and who knows what else. This usually yields a rather sizable list for holidays and birthdays, as well as some battles in between. He's currently jockeying for a reward for losing so many lacrosse games in a row (which Craig did promise, once Jacob broke Craig's own futility record from youth hockey) and helping Craig out with a work thing in the frigid cold this week, and has very specific ideas of what he thinks is appropriate. I tend to disagree, of course. The thing is, I don't want to spend our money on something he needs to have, only to lose interest once he gets it, which he often does. He doesn't have much of his own money to spend either--and I control his bank account, so only the most noble pursuits will be considered. Mostly, I just feel like his constant shopping is leading him down this materialistic road where he can only dream of the next big thing, then moves on to the next once he gets it.
He wants a phone - Like most kids his age, he wants a phone. I always laugh at the Facebook meme that talks about kids today wanting an iPhone, but when we were kids you felt like you won the lottery if you got your hands on one of those pens with multiple color options. It's so true. He certainly doesn't need a phone right now, but we'll see how our lives our impacted by him going to a farther away school next year. I know he wants to text and keep in touch with his friends, particularly once he switches schools, but it sort of ticks me off that so many other parents have caved that he has friends doing it now. There are a million reasons why a phone gets complicated, which I will expand upon below, but first and foremost is cost. We certainly don't want to pay for it, and he has no income to pay for it. Plus it's obviously a huge responsibility for a lot of reasons, which I will also cover below. I keep threatening to just do a flip phone, but more than likely he'll inherit my old TracFone and we'll start there. But first...
Headphones/earbuds - His argument for a more immediate need of the phone is that he wants to listen to music on it, citing his long bus ride next year. I agree, he probably will need something to keep him occupied on an early morning, 30-60 minute bus ride, so it could be that my old phone will just get some music loaded on and that will be it. But of course he needs something to listen to music through, which is where earbuds or headphones come in. He wanted wireless earbuds a while back, mostly to play sports, but I do fear he will lose one. We had the whole debate about this prior to Christmas, at which point I bought him Bluetooth ones at Five Below (connected and with ear hooks) for Christmas that are now having some issues. So we'll see. He will get a specific set of headphones at some point (birthday?) but right now he needs to be patient, and once he gets them he will have a tough lesson in learning to take care of them. The other issue, of course, is what he's listening to. I think his love of basketball has led to a love of hip-hop, which is just about the worst thing he could listen to. He doesn't understand why it's a concern, as I don't think he realizes yet just how much language and questionable themes crop up in that genre if you happen upon uncensored versions. We're going to have to police his downloads heavily...and maybe I can sneak some Christian hip-hop in there in the meantime.
Social media - I've seen enough of the "Wait Until 8th" campaign to know I'm not ready for him to have social media right now. It can lead to bullying at worst and lots of wasted time at best, and having not done the social media thing at that age (thank God) it's hard to know what's appropriate. There's a lot of speculation on the psychological effect of this stuff, and I pretty much dread the thought of having to check his devices all the time. I spend enough time on social media myself, let alone adding Snapchat and whatever else to keep an eye on him, and taking the time to check it. Can parental laziness be a valid reason to delay it? Also, I wasn't that devious a kid, so it'll be a challenge to think of every creative way he might break the rules. I'm concerned his relative naivete will get him in over his head before he even knows it. And given how much he poo-poos that suggestion, I know I'm right.
YouTube - He already spends a lot of time on YouTube, which is why it's on this list. Between Craig's phone and his very-old-generation iPad that's in his room, he's on there a ton. It's hard to know for sure what he might be getting into, though most of the time it's some sort of sports video. In the checking I've done, things have been fine, and I think for the most part he has a decent moral compass, but curiosity is only going to get stronger in the coming years. So I know I'll have to reign this one in a bit, too. He also wants to be a YouTuber (like every other kid his age), but trying to explain that not everyone will want to listen to his random commentary on random stuff is tough. And socially it opens up a whole can of worms, too. I've tried to use blocks but it's tough to tell how they work.
Xbox Live Gold and the headset - I can't remember if I got into the headset debate here or not, but basically, there was a $1 special for a month of Xbox Live Gold that Jacob wanted to take advantage of, and even though I knew where it was going 30 days later, I figured it was a low-risk way to check it out. So we did, except that he discovered he really needed a headset to take advantage of the option of playing online with his friends. He doesn't get much opportunity to interact with his friends outside of school, and since social media and text messaging aren't options, this seemed like a reasonable compromise. Might I say here how thankful I am that he never liked Fortnite? It's really just all NBA 2K19, which isn't too bad aside from the fact he's now convinced he can someday play in the NBA and have a house with a court in it. But getting a headset proved to be a challenge. A reasonably priced one had crappy reviews but the more expensive one was definitely out of his budget...especially since we knew he wanted to extend his Gold membership to a full year (essentially $5 per month). I offered to get him one from (again) Five Below and see how that went. Ideally it would get him through until his birthday, when someone could get him the one he wanted. He was appalled at the thought of the Five Below ones, insisting they wouldn't work, and we went back and forth for days. At a breaking point, he relented and let us get the Five Below ones. Initially there was some sort of odd static issue with them, but on try #3, miraculously they worked and have been fine ever since. (Score one for mom). He's been very much enjoying playing online with his friends, but for a while it was taking over--he'd make appointments with his friends and didn't want to stop for dinner--so that was a concern that caused us to threaten canceling. But he's eased up a bit lately, despite two cold days off school this week. I'm still bracing myself for February break when Carter just wants to watch TV post-surgery and Jacob's home wanting to play. Which brings us to...
TV availability - When he was wanting to be playing online all the time, he started asking to either move his Xbox to the basement TV or to get a TV in his room. The bedroom TV is a never, as he has zero willpower and we'd no doubt be finding him up watching it or playing at all hours. We have enough trouble with the iPad, particularly at bedtime. There were also times he'd wake up and pee at 5:30am, and apparently the temptation to get on the iPad would be too much, as he'd play on that instead of sleeping until 7am. Ummm, nope. So the TV would be bad. As for the basement, it sounds tempting, because it frees up the living room for the rest of us, but I sort of like the built-in limits by having it in the living room. Not only is he not alone, which gives us some security about what he's doing, but if he retreats downstairs for hours it will be hard to give him any reason to stop playing. If he's not bothering anyone, what's the harm, or so he thinks. But as adults we know better, and having to stop playing to open up the TV to others makes for a more compelling reason to limit himself. So upstairs it stays.
This is probably just the tip of the iceberg, but it's plenty for us right now. Like I said, I think the potential downsides of this stuff make these important enough issues to push back on, despite his insistence that all the other kids are doing it. We love him enough that we're not going to do anything for that reason, and I remind him often that it's not my problem if other parents don't care to protect their kids to the same degree I want to. I also remind him that he needs to show us responsibility and prove that he's mature enough to handle stuff like that, and right now I just don't see it. I know there's a point at which it becomes the forbidden fruit and he will rebel in a big way, but it's definitely going to take some intentional parenting to ensure we catch things before they get to that point. That's why we're continuing once-a-month therapy sessions and taking baby steps to see how he handles them. He's always been a complex kid, and this issue just takes it up another notch. Yuck.
The challenge is that back when I was 10, we didn't really have these issues so there aren't many parenting precedents to go on. Maybe we had some version of them, but certainly not to the all-encompassing degree we do now. Back then, perhaps there was a battle to have a phone in your room, or even a separate phone line. Or maybe you wanted a TV in your room. We had a computer and I spent a significant amount of time on it at times, but "Where in the USA is Carmen Sandiego?" or a pixelated version of "Jeopardy!" only went so far.
I feel like back then there were built-in limits for all of these things, and none were so deeply woven into daily life as electronics seem to be now. A separate phone line cost money, and back then we knew the value of a dollar so adding to the phone bill was a big deal. A phone in your room was easier to come by, but I think most of us knew better than to hog the household phone line for too long. I got a TV in my room when I was a teenager, but it was a tiny black-and-white one and it didn't get cable. I had a handful of channels (one of which got Montreal Canadiens' games in French sometimes!), so I had a limited amount of use for it. Even when I borrowed my uncle's Pong console (25 years after it was popular, mind you), that only held my attention for so long. And I did love our computer, but it wasn't until we got an internet connection when I was 17 that self-control became a challenge. And even then we had the phone line issue as it was still good old dial-up! I did watch an awful lot of TV, but we only had a couple to share for the family so sometimes that battle was lost when everyone was home. And, as proven by the amount of reading I did in the summer, even I got bored with TV after a while. Another self-control danger zone was when we borrowed my cousins' Nintendo when they got grounded from it. I had a tough time breaking away from my beloved Super Mario, but again, a sore thumb and stiff neck eventually motivated me to stop, and it was a short-lived opportunity anyway.
Long story short, I feel like we had some sort of built-in level of self-control back then. We knew we shouldn't do those things all day every day, and we weren't so immersed in technology at that point where it was considered normal to look at a screen all the time. We knew how to entertain ourselves without it. Even with the most fun technology, either boredom would eventually set in or we just had a better sense of appropriateness and knew we had better ways to spend our time. But now, I feel like that self-awareness has disappeared a bit. Everyone does it, right? Okay, maybe that's not the case with all kids, but certainly I see it in mine...so maybe it's a parenting issue. But based on what I hear from others, maybe it's just how things are now.
Carter is definitely a screen kid. He loved TV from the get-go, and took to handheld electronics with ease. I think part of it is that we're often tired parents and if he'll just sit quietly with a screen (and not argue with his brother), it's a relief to get some peace and quiet. So that's partly our fault. But if given the opportunity, I think he'd do screen time 24/7 if he could. Fortunately, when we do force him off, he's very good about finding ways to amuse himself. He's very imaginative, and while he prefers to have a playing partner, he can find a way to keep himself busy with almost anything.
But then there's Jacob. Jacob liked TV when he was younger, but he almost always played with something else while watching it. Even now he loses interest in movies and shows a lot quicker. He also liked playing games on the iPad, but it was never a big thing for him. He had phases where he loved the Wii, and later the Xbox, but again, most of the time he'd do it and be done on his own. The only exception was when he started playing Minecraft, but then again that's when he had a cast on his leg and he couldn't do much else, so who could blame him? But lately, he seems to spend a lot of time in front of screens and I feel a bit helpless about it. Why? Because he flat-out refuses to do anything else. He hates reading. He doesn't have homework (which, I know, is ridiculous and he'll have a huge dose of culture shock next year). He can't play basketball outside right now, and while the hoop in his room gets plenty of use, it's not really enough. Toys, even Legos, have mostly lost their luster, unless he has someone to play with. Everything else he wants to do mostly revolves around electronics, and it's making me crazy. I can't really force him to do things he doesn't want to do--at least not unless I want to listen to endless complaining--so I feel stuck.
I don't want to make this stuff yet another battleground, but I do believe it's important enough in his foundation for life that I do need to push things a bit. Encouraging him to do other stuff only goes so far, and I guess I'd rather he play games than pester his brother constantly. It could literally be life-or-death (yikes) while Carter is recovering from his surgery (if you saw how often they tangle, you'd understand my concern), so we need to weigh pros and cons heavily. It's so exhausting. Here are the current battles we're fighting:
Constant online shopping - This one has been an issue for a while. Jacob constantly wants to use Craig's phone, and most of the time he's combing the internet for stuff. Sneakers, sports gear, electronics (see below), clothes, and who knows what else. This usually yields a rather sizable list for holidays and birthdays, as well as some battles in between. He's currently jockeying for a reward for losing so many lacrosse games in a row (which Craig did promise, once Jacob broke Craig's own futility record from youth hockey) and helping Craig out with a work thing in the frigid cold this week, and has very specific ideas of what he thinks is appropriate. I tend to disagree, of course. The thing is, I don't want to spend our money on something he needs to have, only to lose interest once he gets it, which he often does. He doesn't have much of his own money to spend either--and I control his bank account, so only the most noble pursuits will be considered. Mostly, I just feel like his constant shopping is leading him down this materialistic road where he can only dream of the next big thing, then moves on to the next once he gets it.
He wants a phone - Like most kids his age, he wants a phone. I always laugh at the Facebook meme that talks about kids today wanting an iPhone, but when we were kids you felt like you won the lottery if you got your hands on one of those pens with multiple color options. It's so true. He certainly doesn't need a phone right now, but we'll see how our lives our impacted by him going to a farther away school next year. I know he wants to text and keep in touch with his friends, particularly once he switches schools, but it sort of ticks me off that so many other parents have caved that he has friends doing it now. There are a million reasons why a phone gets complicated, which I will expand upon below, but first and foremost is cost. We certainly don't want to pay for it, and he has no income to pay for it. Plus it's obviously a huge responsibility for a lot of reasons, which I will also cover below. I keep threatening to just do a flip phone, but more than likely he'll inherit my old TracFone and we'll start there. But first...
Headphones/earbuds - His argument for a more immediate need of the phone is that he wants to listen to music on it, citing his long bus ride next year. I agree, he probably will need something to keep him occupied on an early morning, 30-60 minute bus ride, so it could be that my old phone will just get some music loaded on and that will be it. But of course he needs something to listen to music through, which is where earbuds or headphones come in. He wanted wireless earbuds a while back, mostly to play sports, but I do fear he will lose one. We had the whole debate about this prior to Christmas, at which point I bought him Bluetooth ones at Five Below (connected and with ear hooks) for Christmas that are now having some issues. So we'll see. He will get a specific set of headphones at some point (birthday?) but right now he needs to be patient, and once he gets them he will have a tough lesson in learning to take care of them. The other issue, of course, is what he's listening to. I think his love of basketball has led to a love of hip-hop, which is just about the worst thing he could listen to. He doesn't understand why it's a concern, as I don't think he realizes yet just how much language and questionable themes crop up in that genre if you happen upon uncensored versions. We're going to have to police his downloads heavily...and maybe I can sneak some Christian hip-hop in there in the meantime.
Social media - I've seen enough of the "Wait Until 8th" campaign to know I'm not ready for him to have social media right now. It can lead to bullying at worst and lots of wasted time at best, and having not done the social media thing at that age (thank God) it's hard to know what's appropriate. There's a lot of speculation on the psychological effect of this stuff, and I pretty much dread the thought of having to check his devices all the time. I spend enough time on social media myself, let alone adding Snapchat and whatever else to keep an eye on him, and taking the time to check it. Can parental laziness be a valid reason to delay it? Also, I wasn't that devious a kid, so it'll be a challenge to think of every creative way he might break the rules. I'm concerned his relative naivete will get him in over his head before he even knows it. And given how much he poo-poos that suggestion, I know I'm right.
YouTube - He already spends a lot of time on YouTube, which is why it's on this list. Between Craig's phone and his very-old-generation iPad that's in his room, he's on there a ton. It's hard to know for sure what he might be getting into, though most of the time it's some sort of sports video. In the checking I've done, things have been fine, and I think for the most part he has a decent moral compass, but curiosity is only going to get stronger in the coming years. So I know I'll have to reign this one in a bit, too. He also wants to be a YouTuber (like every other kid his age), but trying to explain that not everyone will want to listen to his random commentary on random stuff is tough. And socially it opens up a whole can of worms, too. I've tried to use blocks but it's tough to tell how they work.
Xbox Live Gold and the headset - I can't remember if I got into the headset debate here or not, but basically, there was a $1 special for a month of Xbox Live Gold that Jacob wanted to take advantage of, and even though I knew where it was going 30 days later, I figured it was a low-risk way to check it out. So we did, except that he discovered he really needed a headset to take advantage of the option of playing online with his friends. He doesn't get much opportunity to interact with his friends outside of school, and since social media and text messaging aren't options, this seemed like a reasonable compromise. Might I say here how thankful I am that he never liked Fortnite? It's really just all NBA 2K19, which isn't too bad aside from the fact he's now convinced he can someday play in the NBA and have a house with a court in it. But getting a headset proved to be a challenge. A reasonably priced one had crappy reviews but the more expensive one was definitely out of his budget...especially since we knew he wanted to extend his Gold membership to a full year (essentially $5 per month). I offered to get him one from (again) Five Below and see how that went. Ideally it would get him through until his birthday, when someone could get him the one he wanted. He was appalled at the thought of the Five Below ones, insisting they wouldn't work, and we went back and forth for days. At a breaking point, he relented and let us get the Five Below ones. Initially there was some sort of odd static issue with them, but on try #3, miraculously they worked and have been fine ever since. (Score one for mom). He's been very much enjoying playing online with his friends, but for a while it was taking over--he'd make appointments with his friends and didn't want to stop for dinner--so that was a concern that caused us to threaten canceling. But he's eased up a bit lately, despite two cold days off school this week. I'm still bracing myself for February break when Carter just wants to watch TV post-surgery and Jacob's home wanting to play. Which brings us to...
TV availability - When he was wanting to be playing online all the time, he started asking to either move his Xbox to the basement TV or to get a TV in his room. The bedroom TV is a never, as he has zero willpower and we'd no doubt be finding him up watching it or playing at all hours. We have enough trouble with the iPad, particularly at bedtime. There were also times he'd wake up and pee at 5:30am, and apparently the temptation to get on the iPad would be too much, as he'd play on that instead of sleeping until 7am. Ummm, nope. So the TV would be bad. As for the basement, it sounds tempting, because it frees up the living room for the rest of us, but I sort of like the built-in limits by having it in the living room. Not only is he not alone, which gives us some security about what he's doing, but if he retreats downstairs for hours it will be hard to give him any reason to stop playing. If he's not bothering anyone, what's the harm, or so he thinks. But as adults we know better, and having to stop playing to open up the TV to others makes for a more compelling reason to limit himself. So upstairs it stays.
This is probably just the tip of the iceberg, but it's plenty for us right now. Like I said, I think the potential downsides of this stuff make these important enough issues to push back on, despite his insistence that all the other kids are doing it. We love him enough that we're not going to do anything for that reason, and I remind him often that it's not my problem if other parents don't care to protect their kids to the same degree I want to. I also remind him that he needs to show us responsibility and prove that he's mature enough to handle stuff like that, and right now I just don't see it. I know there's a point at which it becomes the forbidden fruit and he will rebel in a big way, but it's definitely going to take some intentional parenting to ensure we catch things before they get to that point. That's why we're continuing once-a-month therapy sessions and taking baby steps to see how he handles them. He's always been a complex kid, and this issue just takes it up another notch. Yuck.
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Road to the NBA, Step 1 of 1,000,000
Jacob's been into basketball for a while now. It's been on the fringes for years, as evidenced by his 7th birthday cake and a batch of older Raptors gear in his closet. I'm not entirely sure when it officially took over, but it seems to me it was last spring when the Toronto Raptors were on a bit of a playoff run. At the same time, he was very disenchanted with lacrosse, and with that, basketball's takeover began. He got the basketball hoop for his birthday, had a Raptors cake for his very belated birthday party, and finagled two Raptors' games this fall. He played basketball for a good chunk of each day at camp over the summer, and based on everything we saw there and at home, it was clear he had skills. And all through this time, Jacob was talking about playing on a team. Unfortunately, the easiest basketball league to get into didn't even have signups until early fall, and it didn't begin play until January. It's been a very long wait...but finally it got here. But then the snowstorm postponed game one by an extra week, and finally yesterday was the big day, probably eight months in the making.
Over these past many, many months, there's been a constant dialog from Jacob about playing basketball--wishing it would get here sooner, which sneakers he should be wearing, what kind of balls are best, what Division I college he'd like to play at, and what kind of first house he'll buy with his entry level NBA salary. All of it. Constantly. I kid you not. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't exhausting and often frustrating, as there's something like a .03% chance of making the NBA after playing on a high school roster. We're still a long way from high school, and even that will be a challenge as the school he wants to attend is a pretty good basketball school. Needless to say, we have a long way to go and he's hesitant to even have a "normal" backup plan. His backups currently include being a college coach or playing in the G-League, which is basically the NBA's development league. There's a fine line between keeping it real and crushing dreams, and I'll admit it's a very tough line to walk as a parent. But listening to all that when he hadn't even played in a real basketball game? UGH.
Jacob is playing for an Upward team, which is part of a Christian-based youth sports organization. We'd heard good things about it and it's right here in our town. At the third practice of the year, we got a bit of a sneak peak of what was to come with Jacob's little three-point shooting challenge from the coach that I mentioned in my last post. We have a very confident kid on our hands, and a talented one at that, but all bets were off until I could see him play in a game and interact with teammates. It's easier to shoot threes in the driveway without a defender in your face, and knowing when to pass vs. shoot is also something that can't be learned playing solo. So when the day finally came, we were looking forward to seeing it all come together.
Despite decent lighting it was almost impossible to get a good picture of him in motion, so these will have to do.
He played about half the game as there are two sets of five players and the coach is very fair about switching them out. Jacob's team is really pretty good, which is a nice change of pace after watching 18 straight losses (and counting) with his house lacrosse team. Yes, his FCA team won all summer, but when he wasn't playing a prominent role (or any role), those don't seem to count for much these days. So his repeated losses have pretty much killed lacrosse for him in the meantime, and I almost forgot what it was like to watch his team win and see him be a solid contributor to that success.
I also forgot what it was like to see him feel at home playing a sport. For a kid that has always loved sports and played them well, he often doesn't look super coordinated. Even in his best lacrosse moments there was always a certain degree of awkwardness, although he often made it work for him anyway. But he looked right at home out on the basketball court. To see him dribbling up the court, passing behind his back, and darting around opponents was pretty darn awesome. We were thrilled when he got a couple baskets under his belt, as well as a couple beautiful assists! But then, early in the second half, he had the ball around the three-point line and didn't have a lot of space, so he shot. And sure enough, that sucker went in! It was the first three-pointer of the season, and the crowd went nuts! One of his teammates got another later in the game, and they won 35-16. He might have had more, but his coach had them back off a bit in the second half when their lead got larger. They focused on passing to those who hadn't scored, which was welcome bit of sportsmanship. Jacob got a nice little shoutout (again bringing up the practice incident) post-game, so I think we can call game one a success!
The bad news, of course, is that this does nothing to tame his big plans, but at least now I can confirm his talent while reminding him that he's got a long road ahead and it will take a heck of a lot of hard work to make it happen. While he's poo-pooing lacrosse in the meantime, I keep reminding him that the pressure is off there and it's just another opportunity to keep himself conditioned, to cross-train, and to think about how he might be able to apply what he's learning to basketball, as there are similarities in playmaking and agility. We're thrilled that he's found something to love and succeed in (even if we're sad that our pricey investment in lacrosse isn't really going to pay out), and I can't wait to see him play again this week!
Carter was pretty excited about it! It's hard to tell from here, but that magnetic tile building is a foot and a half high!
Over these past many, many months, there's been a constant dialog from Jacob about playing basketball--wishing it would get here sooner, which sneakers he should be wearing, what kind of balls are best, what Division I college he'd like to play at, and what kind of first house he'll buy with his entry level NBA salary. All of it. Constantly. I kid you not. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't exhausting and often frustrating, as there's something like a .03% chance of making the NBA after playing on a high school roster. We're still a long way from high school, and even that will be a challenge as the school he wants to attend is a pretty good basketball school. Needless to say, we have a long way to go and he's hesitant to even have a "normal" backup plan. His backups currently include being a college coach or playing in the G-League, which is basically the NBA's development league. There's a fine line between keeping it real and crushing dreams, and I'll admit it's a very tough line to walk as a parent. But listening to all that when he hadn't even played in a real basketball game? UGH.
Jacob is playing for an Upward team, which is part of a Christian-based youth sports organization. We'd heard good things about it and it's right here in our town. At the third practice of the year, we got a bit of a sneak peak of what was to come with Jacob's little three-point shooting challenge from the coach that I mentioned in my last post. We have a very confident kid on our hands, and a talented one at that, but all bets were off until I could see him play in a game and interact with teammates. It's easier to shoot threes in the driveway without a defender in your face, and knowing when to pass vs. shoot is also something that can't be learned playing solo. So when the day finally came, we were looking forward to seeing it all come together.
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| See that blurry foot? He likes hearing his sneakers squeak on the floor and was repeatedly scuffing his feet in order to do that. 😒 |
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| He was also quite chatty on the bench. I can't imagine what he was talking about...or maybe I can! |
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| Considering the challenge it is to keep him moving in lacrosse, seeing him so fleet of foot in basketball was nice! |
He played about half the game as there are two sets of five players and the coach is very fair about switching them out. Jacob's team is really pretty good, which is a nice change of pace after watching 18 straight losses (and counting) with his house lacrosse team. Yes, his FCA team won all summer, but when he wasn't playing a prominent role (or any role), those don't seem to count for much these days. So his repeated losses have pretty much killed lacrosse for him in the meantime, and I almost forgot what it was like to watch his team win and see him be a solid contributor to that success.
I also forgot what it was like to see him feel at home playing a sport. For a kid that has always loved sports and played them well, he often doesn't look super coordinated. Even in his best lacrosse moments there was always a certain degree of awkwardness, although he often made it work for him anyway. But he looked right at home out on the basketball court. To see him dribbling up the court, passing behind his back, and darting around opponents was pretty darn awesome. We were thrilled when he got a couple baskets under his belt, as well as a couple beautiful assists! But then, early in the second half, he had the ball around the three-point line and didn't have a lot of space, so he shot. And sure enough, that sucker went in! It was the first three-pointer of the season, and the crowd went nuts! One of his teammates got another later in the game, and they won 35-16. He might have had more, but his coach had them back off a bit in the second half when their lead got larger. They focused on passing to those who hadn't scored, which was welcome bit of sportsmanship. Jacob got a nice little shoutout (again bringing up the practice incident) post-game, so I think we can call game one a success!
The bad news, of course, is that this does nothing to tame his big plans, but at least now I can confirm his talent while reminding him that he's got a long road ahead and it will take a heck of a lot of hard work to make it happen. While he's poo-pooing lacrosse in the meantime, I keep reminding him that the pressure is off there and it's just another opportunity to keep himself conditioned, to cross-train, and to think about how he might be able to apply what he's learning to basketball, as there are similarities in playmaking and agility. We're thrilled that he's found something to love and succeed in (even if we're sad that our pricey investment in lacrosse isn't really going to pay out), and I can't wait to see him play again this week!
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| In case you wondered what the inside of a magnetic tile building looked like... |
Carter was pretty excited about it! It's hard to tell from here, but that magnetic tile building is a foot and a half high!
Here it is in action, complete with multiple fun tunnels and an ending on his Stow-n-Go ramp!
It's always fun to create with him, and I can't wait to see what we build next!
Now it's on to another busy week, including Craig leaving on Thursday for a road trip and finishing off the weekend with the Super Bowl. Oh, and let's throw in a forecast for wind chills cold enough to potentially close school, just for fun! Never a dull moment...
Friday, January 25, 2019
Settling Back In
Well, it's been quite a whirlwind week or so around our house. Between snow, a funeral, and the usual stuff--Craig's schedule, Jacob's sports, and keeping the kids from driving us nuts--it's been a lot to take in.
Last week was a bit of a blur in the aftermath of my uncle's passing. It took a while for them to publicly announce it and to get the plans in order, which meant I spent a couple days just trying to process everything and plan out how we were going to work out the travel amidst the rest of our schedule. But first, Craig had a road trip to Saskatchewan, which was stressing me out more than usual given the forecast for a major winter storm that was hitting Saturday and Sunday. He left Friday morning and it was business as usual that day. We had lacrosse that night--slightly edited team for the winter season, same crappy result--and then we hunkered down to see what the weekend would bring.
Saturday morning it was already snowing more than expected. I had hoped to take the kids out to lunch that day and make a stop at Wegmans for snacks. We had been too busy prior, and I figured it might be better to wait anyway after seeing pictures of empty bread shelves posted online. But between lazy kids and the beginning of my to do list, we were having trouble getting out of the house when I wanted to, and by the time we were all ready, it looked really crappy out and I didn't really want to drive in the few inches of snow we already had. So, that officially marked the start of our snowbound weekend. By this point, Jacob's first basketball game on Saturday had already been canceled, and we had a strong feeling lacrosse practice Sunday would follow suit. I was also not planning on going to church since digging out would probably take a while, and I wasn't about to get up at the crack of dawn for that on a weekend. So all we really had to do was keep up with shoveling and hope that Craig could get home on Sunday. We played with magnetic tiles, tolerated Jacob's current video game obsession (probably an entire post on that soon), and watched some movies. I shoveled multiple times. I tried mac and cheese in the Instant Pot. I drank wine.
Unfortunately, by the time we had enough snow to play in, it was super cold and windy, and the snow was actually too fluffy to be fun. No snowballs or snowmen, and it was even impossible to climb snow piles to sled down because you instantly sunk into the pile up to your hip. So that was sort of a bust. By early Sunday we had 15.5" in our backyard! Thank goodness for the neighbor that came to help me with the apron, since a foot of snow in the road leaves quite a mess from the plow.
Miraculously, Craig had no trouble getting home on Sunday afternoon from Toronto, despite blowing snow and crappy roads. We were all very happy to see him! It was a pretty quiet afternoon and evening, and since we were stuck at home, I experimented with easy dinner - breakfast pizza on the right, and mac and cheese pizza on the left.
The snow continued to blow and fall, and by Monday morning we had a few more inches. Craig had some work to do that morning, so I was back out shoveling again. I thought my back had about had it, as I had to stop and stretch every so often. Apparently 20 inches over three days is my limit! It had been a lot of work, though I'm thankful it was light snow. Long story short, I'm over snow at this point, but it looks like more is in the forecast.
In addition to the extra snow, Monday started out stressful. We had a couple mishaps involving our vehicles--one involving our garbage can and another involving a car that wouldn't start (sixth time's a charm, I guess). We went out to lunch, got Craig an oil change, and finally restocked at Wegmans before heading off to Buffalo. It was bitterly cold and some of the roads were still pretty awful, but Carter was cozy and content...
The boys stayed for a couple hours of funeral home time, but then Craig took them out for dinner and they left for Rochester shortly after they returned. Craig had work commitments the next day and the boys had school anyway, so he came home with them and I stayed for the funeral the next day, with the plan to get a ride home from my cousin and aunt.
The funeral home included the usual mix of gut-wrenching sadness and pleasant family conversation. I truly love my family and relish any time I get to spend with them, even if the reason is the worst possible. I had some genuinely good chats and many good memories were shared. The pics I supplied from my scanned stash were definitely enjoyed by all. But it was so sad seeing my uncle laying there and knowing I'd never talk to him again, knowing he'd miss his son's wedding, and generally just coming to terms with the new normal his family is facing. My cousin's fiancée probably wins the award for the toughest position, as she's still relatively new to the family and had to meet lots of new people, accept congratulations on the engagement, and receive condolences on this loss, practically all in the same breath. She ended up overwhelmed by the amount of love and support she saw, and seems genuinely grateful to be marrying into a family like ours, so that was nice, but I can only imagine how overwhelming this all was. On a personal note, I very much enjoyed meeting my uncle's sister-in-law (his brother passed a couple years back) and his niece. They were a lot of fun to talk to and I was sorry I didn't have the chance to know them while my uncle was still alive. But the stories about both brothers were classic!
As I mentioned in my last post, my uncle was one-of-a-kind, and his arrangements reflected that. The family wore St. Louis Cardinals attire at the wake, there was fishing gear in the corner, and he sported casual attire in the casket. In addition, the service was filled with lighthearted recollections of his unique nature, and the recessional music was the 70s classic, "Spirit in the Sky", which caught us all off guard and led to lots of smiles and happy tears on the usually sad walk out of the church behind the casket. It was all perfectly him.
I came home on Tuesday evening after some bonus family time, and then it was back to the grind on Wednesday. It was a busy few days at work, and Jacob had two nights of practice and a game tonight (officially his 18th straight loss with the same team--at least he scored, but yeah, he's not happy). His first basketball game is tomorrow, which is super exciting. He's been waiting for it seemingly forever, and with his confidence that he can make it to the NBA, I guess there's nothing to do but take the first step. He did sort of show up his coach last night, I guess. His coach was encouraging them to do lay-ups and not shoot from three-point range. But when he asked if anyone could make it from out there, Jacob piped up (of course) that he can make 9-out-of-10. So the coach had him shoot. Swish. And another time. Swish. At which point the coach said, "Okay, we're done," and later admitted he had some egg on his face! So, we have a good three-point shooter, it appears, but we'll see how he does in an actual game with teammates and opponents!
I'm glad to have another weekend to hopefully recharge and get back to some sort of normalcy, even if chances are I'll come out of it more tired--as usual. It was a tough week, but I'm hoping better times are ahead.
Last week was a bit of a blur in the aftermath of my uncle's passing. It took a while for them to publicly announce it and to get the plans in order, which meant I spent a couple days just trying to process everything and plan out how we were going to work out the travel amidst the rest of our schedule. But first, Craig had a road trip to Saskatchewan, which was stressing me out more than usual given the forecast for a major winter storm that was hitting Saturday and Sunday. He left Friday morning and it was business as usual that day. We had lacrosse that night--slightly edited team for the winter season, same crappy result--and then we hunkered down to see what the weekend would bring.
Saturday morning it was already snowing more than expected. I had hoped to take the kids out to lunch that day and make a stop at Wegmans for snacks. We had been too busy prior, and I figured it might be better to wait anyway after seeing pictures of empty bread shelves posted online. But between lazy kids and the beginning of my to do list, we were having trouble getting out of the house when I wanted to, and by the time we were all ready, it looked really crappy out and I didn't really want to drive in the few inches of snow we already had. So, that officially marked the start of our snowbound weekend. By this point, Jacob's first basketball game on Saturday had already been canceled, and we had a strong feeling lacrosse practice Sunday would follow suit. I was also not planning on going to church since digging out would probably take a while, and I wasn't about to get up at the crack of dawn for that on a weekend. So all we really had to do was keep up with shoveling and hope that Craig could get home on Sunday. We played with magnetic tiles, tolerated Jacob's current video game obsession (probably an entire post on that soon), and watched some movies. I shoveled multiple times. I tried mac and cheese in the Instant Pot. I drank wine.
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| Magnetic tiles - Carter's creation in the back, and mine (a challenge from the idea book) in the front |
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| The other side of Carter's fancy fort. Those triangles shoot as a defense mechanism. |
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| I really sort of loved it when the dinosaur ended up on my tower. |
Unfortunately, by the time we had enough snow to play in, it was super cold and windy, and the snow was actually too fluffy to be fun. No snowballs or snowmen, and it was even impossible to climb snow piles to sled down because you instantly sunk into the pile up to your hip. So that was sort of a bust. By early Sunday we had 15.5" in our backyard! Thank goodness for the neighbor that came to help me with the apron, since a foot of snow in the road leaves quite a mess from the plow.
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| The window screen made this a tough shot, but this was Sunday morning's view from the kitchen. That lump in the back is the neighbor's car drifted in, and in the bottom left is our bird feeder, which had a legit foot of snow on top. |
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| Breakfast pizza was preferred, but mac and cheese was pretty fun. |
The snow continued to blow and fall, and by Monday morning we had a few more inches. Craig had some work to do that morning, so I was back out shoveling again. I thought my back had about had it, as I had to stop and stretch every so often. Apparently 20 inches over three days is my limit! It had been a lot of work, though I'm thankful it was light snow. Long story short, I'm over snow at this point, but it looks like more is in the forecast.
In addition to the extra snow, Monday started out stressful. We had a couple mishaps involving our vehicles--one involving our garbage can and another involving a car that wouldn't start (sixth time's a charm, I guess). We went out to lunch, got Craig an oil change, and finally restocked at Wegmans before heading off to Buffalo. It was bitterly cold and some of the roads were still pretty awful, but Carter was cozy and content...
The boys stayed for a couple hours of funeral home time, but then Craig took them out for dinner and they left for Rochester shortly after they returned. Craig had work commitments the next day and the boys had school anyway, so he came home with them and I stayed for the funeral the next day, with the plan to get a ride home from my cousin and aunt.
The funeral home included the usual mix of gut-wrenching sadness and pleasant family conversation. I truly love my family and relish any time I get to spend with them, even if the reason is the worst possible. I had some genuinely good chats and many good memories were shared. The pics I supplied from my scanned stash were definitely enjoyed by all. But it was so sad seeing my uncle laying there and knowing I'd never talk to him again, knowing he'd miss his son's wedding, and generally just coming to terms with the new normal his family is facing. My cousin's fiancée probably wins the award for the toughest position, as she's still relatively new to the family and had to meet lots of new people, accept congratulations on the engagement, and receive condolences on this loss, practically all in the same breath. She ended up overwhelmed by the amount of love and support she saw, and seems genuinely grateful to be marrying into a family like ours, so that was nice, but I can only imagine how overwhelming this all was. On a personal note, I very much enjoyed meeting my uncle's sister-in-law (his brother passed a couple years back) and his niece. They were a lot of fun to talk to and I was sorry I didn't have the chance to know them while my uncle was still alive. But the stories about both brothers were classic!
As I mentioned in my last post, my uncle was one-of-a-kind, and his arrangements reflected that. The family wore St. Louis Cardinals attire at the wake, there was fishing gear in the corner, and he sported casual attire in the casket. In addition, the service was filled with lighthearted recollections of his unique nature, and the recessional music was the 70s classic, "Spirit in the Sky", which caught us all off guard and led to lots of smiles and happy tears on the usually sad walk out of the church behind the casket. It was all perfectly him.
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| This is on the wall of my old bedroom, and while it's been there a while, seeing it above my suitcase the morning of the funeral, it definitely took on richer meaning. It's absolutely true. |
I came home on Tuesday evening after some bonus family time, and then it was back to the grind on Wednesday. It was a busy few days at work, and Jacob had two nights of practice and a game tonight (officially his 18th straight loss with the same team--at least he scored, but yeah, he's not happy). His first basketball game is tomorrow, which is super exciting. He's been waiting for it seemingly forever, and with his confidence that he can make it to the NBA, I guess there's nothing to do but take the first step. He did sort of show up his coach last night, I guess. His coach was encouraging them to do lay-ups and not shoot from three-point range. But when he asked if anyone could make it from out there, Jacob piped up (of course) that he can make 9-out-of-10. So the coach had him shoot. Swish. And another time. Swish. At which point the coach said, "Okay, we're done," and later admitted he had some egg on his face! So, we have a good three-point shooter, it appears, but we'll see how he does in an actual game with teammates and opponents!
I'm glad to have another weekend to hopefully recharge and get back to some sort of normalcy, even if chances are I'll come out of it more tired--as usual. It was a tough week, but I'm hoping better times are ahead.
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