11 Months!

How is it even possible that a month from today we'll be celebrating this little guy's first birthday?!  It doesn't even compute in my mind most of the time.  This year has been seriously fast...or at least we've been seriously preoccupied and time has flown by in the meantime. 

It's a good thing that we're only down to one more of these pictures because his ability to sit nicely without lunging toward me or grabbing the sign is seriously waning.  I was lucky I got this one!  What a goof ball.

As of 11 months he is possibly the nicest terror ever!  He is still a happy, sweet baby, but oh boy is he a handful!  I can barely keep him on the changing table and Jacob's toys are a constant source of temptation for him.  If it's not put away, he's totally into trying to grab it.  This week I set up his play yard in the corner of the living room to contain him once in a while so I don't have to spend all my time redirecting him or telling him "no".  Initially he liked it better than the pack and play, but let's face it--if he wants mommy, he wants mommy...and he will cry for a half hour straight if he has to!

You'll notice in the picture above that there's a little circle on the left side of his forehead.  That is a giant bruise/goose egg on his forehead from bashing it into a door frame at daycare.  He's been doing this thing where he flops himself forward quite forcefully, often when he's angry.  If he's sitting up he will fold in half in a split second.  Apparently he tried that and whacked his head.  Oy. 

He cracks me up, though.  He loves his mommy, loves clapping and waving, has eight teeth, and could eat ham, Cheerios, and Kix all day.  I just can't get over how quickly our time with him has gone and I look forward to celebrating with him soon!

In the storm...

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

This song has been around for quite a few years now, but the lyrics popped into my head yesterday morning, because this is how I've been feeling lately.  We've been through so much in the past six months or so, and despite raised hopes a few times, nothing has worked and we're still in the midst of this major challenge.  I feel like over the years when I've been faced with daunting situations, there's always been something--a well-timed "coincidence", just enough good news to keep me going, a song I needed to hear, a perfect rainbow or glorious sunset--that reminds me that God is there and I'm not going through something alone.  While there have been a couple songs and maybe one sunset, this time around the problem is so big that it's drowning out those small reminders that God is right there through all of it.  I feel like He's been shockingly quiet considering the gravity of our situation.

I suppose it hasn't helped that I probably haven't been listening as well as I should be.  I'm tired.  Very tired.  I can barely get through the first few items in my bedtime prayers before I am out cold.  I can barely get through the things I need to do in any given day, let alone having time to focus on reading the Bible regularly.  Even if I tried in-depth prayer prior to bedtime, I'd bet good money I'd fall asleep then, too.  I often had that problem in college, and I can only imagine it would be worse now.  I chalk it up to God allowing me to relax and granting me the rest I need, but it doesn't really help the prayer life much, huh?

I do believe that God knows our needs without us saying a word, and when I'm shedding tears over the most recent parent fail episode with Jacob, I do more or less picture myself as throwing myself at God's feet in a complete state of defeat.  Still, I'm sure a little more conscious, fervent prayer wouldn't hurt.  I really need to work on that.

Ever since these issues started, I've been praying for God to heal Jacob.  Even if he's never a "normal" kid, I do want him to be able to grow up and be a functional adult.  The Celiac disease isn't going anywhere, unfortunately, but I am praying for technological advances that would render it harmless!  As for myself, I've prayed for patience, for sure, but I decided that I need to be praying for healing of myself, too.  All of this has weighed heavily, and while I do need every drop of that patience, I also need to be healed of the anger that Jacob's behavior provokes.  The constant talking back, potty talk, name-calling, physical responses....all of it brings out so much anger in me.  Yelling just makes him angrier and spankings only make him hit more, but there have been times where I just don't know what else to do...so an instinctual reaction comes out.  A couple times I've surprised myself with the force with which it did, and I hate that feeling.  If I were watching myself from outside my body, I'm sure I'd be appalled.  None of it may do long-term physical damage, but I'm sure there are emotional scars there.  In fact, I know there are, and I'm just not sure how to fix that.  It's frustrating, though, because Jacob refuses to believe that he "starts" anything.  He could just come up and smack us out of the blue, and if we were to smack him back, he would say that we're the "bad" ones for hitting him, even if it was clearly retaliatory.  Hence why dealing with him can be incredibly frustrating and nonsensical much of the time.  It's like he simply doesn't believe that anything he does is in any way annoying or hurtful...so on top of the behavior itself, there is absolutely zero remorse or effort to control it.  And that may be what makes it harder than anything else to deal with.

Regardless, we are the adults and we're supposed to be the ones with restraint.  Still, we're human, so it's no wonder we lose it after a constant string of trying behaviors wear us down.  I'm pretty sure that if Jacob was unlucky enough to get some other parents out there, he'd be in a far worse situation.  For all our faults, we've done our best to remain patient.  Some parents out there probably wouldn't be so understanding and he'd probably have ended up in the hospital or worse.  Still, I feel like a failure of a parent most of the time, for many reasons.  I wonder if I did something while I was pregnant or nursing that impacted him...or if one of the many medications he's been on over the years could have caused this...or if I reprimanded him too much when he was younger so my scolding stopped having an impact...or if something else I did just made him disengage.  I'm not sure how I would have handled Carter's arrival differently or what else I could have done, but in a situation like this you constantly question yourself.  And with another kid, you wonder what you should do differently, or if any of it will make a difference.  I worry about what Carter is taking away from all the yelling in our house, or all that he sees Jacob do to us.  It scares me that it will become too normal for him.  As I watch him smile at Jacob as Jacob screams angrily in his face, I wonder if he will have trouble with social cues like Jacob sometimes does.  Going through all of this makes you second guess everything, and it's easy to feel completely lost.

I often wonder why we need to go through this.  I can't imagine what purpose God could have in bringing all of these challenges into our lives.  We only have one life to live, and if it's full of food intolerances and behavioral specialists, that's not really how I dreamed my life would be.  All I can figure at this point is that I left no choice but for God to allow some adversity because it might be the only way to get me back on track.  I'm sure there's more to it than that, but for now, that's the closest thing I have to making any sense of this. 

I do wish God would just swoop down and fix our problems, but I know there's a method to the madness so we just need to hang in there and appreciate the process.  It's not easy, it's not fun, it's not how I want my life to be, but it is what it is right now and we just need to pray for strength to get through.  I know I need to fall back on my faith and find ways to strengthen it.  I may not know how to do that right now, but like the rest of this situation, we simply need to find a way.

Still here...

Sorry I've been so quiet lately.  Let's just say there haven't been many moments I've wanted to immortalize recently.  I'm not taking much joy in parenthood right now, and as such writing about it hasn't been particularly fun.  Usually it's a good way to vent and sort through my issues, but the problems we have right now aren't going to be fixed by any amount of typing.  Jacob's issues are so much bigger than that now, and the weight of all that we're going through makes it pretty hard to function at all a lot of the time. 

This weekend was challenging enough with both kids that Monday almost sounds appealing.  I'm tired of hearing myself yell, and I'm starting to believe that Jacob's firmly held belief that I am a "bad mommy" isn't too far from the truth.  I've had a lot of moments I'm not proud of, usually caused by desperation and the inability to constantly tolerate his ridiculousness.  Between him wanting to physically pester us a good portion of the time, and him constantly running his mouth--talking back, potty talk, yelling at Carter for no reason--it is like Chinese water torture, a constant barrage of seemingly minor but still annoying issues that all bubble up into a giant problem.  You never know which "drop" is going to put you over the edge.  Carter wasn't helping matters this weekend, as I'm guessing he might be working on a few more teeth (one year molars, maybe?).  He's constantly trying to gnaw on me, and probably bit me a good half dozen times this weekend alone.  He also didn't want to be put down for long, and was making a constant break for Jacob's toys.  Originally it looked like I would get his new play yard before the weekend, but thanks to UPS being so far behind due to "adverse weather" (what weather, I have no idea...our weather was never that bad this week so I'm not sure how they got that far behind), it is caught in some weird limbo at the facility here in town.  I really could have used the extra backup this weekend, because if it's in Carter's sights and is something he shouldn't be touching, he will stop at nothing to get it.  So, between constantly policing him, and dealing with crying fits and Jacob's constant complaining about something (food, Carter, his clothes, his toys, etc.), there were plenty of moments this weekend where the constant barrage was just too much.  There were some ugly guttural screams and a lot of tears (from various sources), and even after getting out of the house a bit tonight, I feel no better.  It gets to a point where, yes, it's nice to not be dealing with the constant barrage for a bit, but the heavy reality of what you're dealing with never really leaves you. 

I get a lot of "It'll be fine" and "It will all work out", and while for a bit I really believed that, my hope is wavering.  We thought the diet would do it, we thought the therapy might help, we thought Jacob would adjust to Carter when he got to be more fun...but here we are months later, and nothing is better.  It's probably worse, in fact.  And, you know, some people's situations just don't get better.  Who's to say we're not one of those?  Last week there was a big story around here about a kid from our town who walked out of his family's house on New Year's Day and went missing.  He's a 20 year old guy from a nice neighborhood.  It came out later that he had a discussion with his parents about his future, though no details about the intensity of the conversation have really come out.  Long story short, four days after he left, an AP photographer took a picture of a homeless guy in Washington, D.C., warming himself by a steam grate.  They printed it in the USA Today, and someone here saw it and realized it was the kid.  In four days he went from a kid in the 'burbs to a homeless guy in D.C.  I'm not saying this kid has any mental issues or anything like that, but to allow yourself to go down a path like that involves some pretty heavy stuff.  I won't lie, I worry that something like that could be our future with Jacob.  He's impulsive and won't listen to reason.  There's no guarantee that medication will level him out, given that he's not currently matching any specific diagnosis, and he doesn't understand that his behavior is problematic, no matter how much we explain to him that it is.  Who's to say that he won't understand someday when we're trying to give him advice or point him in the right direction, and he'll leave and get caught up with the wrong people?  I know that this is a big leap, but like I said, not everyone gets the happy ending. 

I keep hoping that we've overlooked some weird biological issue and some level is off and impacting his personality so greatly.  But every kid with mental issues or ADHD or whatever else surely had a moment where they went from fine enough to not fine, and perhaps Jacob hit his over the summer, with no true cause other than it being programmed into his genes.  I have no doubt that Carter's arrival was stressful for him, and while that may have been a trigger, I don't think that's the overriding issue here anymore.  There are a lot of odd behaviors and a few weird regressions, and the whole thing has left us both stumped.  It's a giant puzzle that no one has been able to solve yet.  We're in the process of getting in with a new doctor, a behavioral specialist, who can hopefully up the ante a bit and explore some new avenues for treatment.  While I'm at least hoping for some more intense behavioral therapy (though I question how Jacob will ever learn to apply behavior modification when he refuses to believe his behavior needs modifying), I wouldn't be against some sort of in-home evaluation or heck, even a brain scan, to figure out what on earth is causing him to be such a challenge. 

I will say that I liked it better when he was just ignoring Carter.  He's now moved on to loathing every aspect of Carter's existence.  He can't stand his noises, is bothered by the smells of his food, hates that Carter is happy all the time, and is completely frustrated by the fact that he can scream in Carter's face and Carter just laughs and smiles at him.  For the record, it concerns me a bit, given Jacob's apparent disregard for social cues, that Carter is completely unphased and even amused by Jacob's angry tirades directed at him.  For now I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just so obsessed with his big brother (as most babies are with big kids) that he's just excited to get any acknowledgement out of him.  But Jacob is infuriated every time Carter giggles at his antics, even though we've explained that he's not laughing at him like he's making fun of him, but rather he just thinks that everything Jacob does is a hilarious performance.  Jacob does not like that at all.  He's been saying lately that he wants to hit him, and the fact that he's getting close enough to yell or shove a pillow to block him from his toys makes me worry that he's getting that much closer to acting on his urges.  Then what?

This post is already long enough and I know there was probably more I wanted to say.  I just don't have words for the sadness I'm feeling right now.  I just don't have any answers and the possible solutions just aren't looking promising to me right now.  I just feel so stuck.  I'm sure I'll have more to relate tomorrow, but right now I just need to get some sleep.

Video Tuesday

I woke up this morning thinking it was Wednesday.  No such luck.  I kept myself entertained much of the day by watching the live blog on the Buffalo News website with coverage of the Blizzard of 2014.  We didn't get much here--it's been in the low single digits all day (zero this morning) with wind chills well below zero.  It's hardly snowed but there has still been plenty blowing around.  Jacob's school was closed so he went to daycare today.  But Buffalo, on the other hand, is nearly as paralyzed as Buffalo gets.  Everything's a whiteout so there's a driving ban nearly everywhere.  I sort of wished I was forced to be holed up in my house, but no such luck. 

Since I have some other things to do tonight besides write a lengthy blog post, here are some videos from the past month or so...

I had mentioned that we went to see a "singing house" on Christmas Eve.  Here is a video of it singing "Amazing Grace"...


...and "Santa and I Know It"...


And here is Carter trying out his walker...


Finally, here is the video of the singing Tesla coils at the science museum...


Sorry it's not more, but entertaining snippets on a chilly night, eh?

The Home Stretch, One Year Later

Last year at this time we were getting into the final home stretch before Carter's arrival.  The time that's normally hardcore winter doldrums for me was transformed into a busy time of preparations, and ultimately, survival of a brutal last few weeks of pregnancy.  It's amazing for me to think that one year ago I was less than six weeks away from Carter's arrival and we were in the throes of so many projects to prepare. 

Over Christmas break last year we got new carpet in our bedroom and Jacob's new room, and once that was done we got Jacob set up in somewhat temporary digs in the new room.  It wasn't until a couple weeks into January that we (read: I) got his furniture assembled and shifted the rest of his stuff into his new room.  A year later, the room still isn't quite as decorated as I'd like it to be, but with how his tastes change these days, that's probably not the worst thing in the world. 

In the end I didn't get Carter's room done until pretty much the week before he arrived, which was actually much the same as with Jacob.  The room got painted less than two weeks before his arrival, and I believe I was moving in the baby clothes and all that the weekend before.  Nothing like the last minute!

Of course, this final push took place in the midst of my feeling like absolute crap most of the time.  I wasn't sleeping well, and every waking moment I was in some sort of discomfort.  I had sciatica at my desk all day, and any sort of walking or other effort I exerted for the last three weeks or so brought on pressure (possibly contractions--to this day I have no idea if that's what they were).  Those three weeks alone were torture at times, and for that reason alone I don't think I could do it again.  Well, that and the first trimester nausea and the fear that another baby would come even earlier than the first two, among 400 other reasons why we're stopping at two.

On the bright side, the period of time that usually encompasses some of the hardest weeks for me mentally during the year (when winter's at its worst and spring seems like it's never going to come) flew by last year because of everything surrounding the baby.  The worst of winter was spent preparing and then holing up in the house after he was born, and those frustrating weeks waiting for spring to make its entrance were mostly spent cozied up on the couch with Carter and making short trips out into the world.  My maternity leave was one of the most blissful periods I have ever spent, despite Jacob's (not-as-bad-as-now) behavior issues and my eventual agonizing over giving up breastfeeding.  I savored so much of that time where I could just cuddle my baby, watch mindless TV, and focus on the things that mattered most.  It's sort of been all downhill from there, as the hole of to-dos I've dug myself as I've gotten increasingly behind on everything has been a bear to get out of.  My nine days off plus another weekend went a long way toward improving that situation, but there's still so much left to do and I fear it will start its eventual descent again.  Still, I took care of a lot of projects I've been pondering for up to a year, like getting up my bedroom curtains (which I really like) and decorating the walls above the toys (with the fancy easy-change frames, no less). 

It's nice to finish up some long-standing projects, even if I have a few new ones taking their place.  I suppose it's nice to not have a rapidly approaching, inexact deadline for the projects this time around!  But it was sort of fun last year to spend this cold, gray time of year getting excited about something awesome.  This year we can enjoy Carter's upcoming milestones--first birthday, standing, walking, talking--and that's got to get us through because we have a whole different set of other issues keeping us preoccupied. 

As much as I can't believe it was a year ago that we were in the final stages of waiting for Carter, I really can't believe we're less than six weeks away from his first birthday now!  I really have to get on the party planning train ASAP, because it's going to be here before we know it!  This year has absolutely flown by, and I can hardly believe that tiny, skinny little baby is getting so big and turning into such an awesome little boy.  He is still such a joy to everyone that meets him, and I feel so blessed to be his mommy...even if he needs to be with me every waking moment right now!  I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts, because I'm well aware of how it can go the other way.  He's awesome and I can't believe it's been nearly a year since he brought his little light into our lives.

Status Update

So, it's officially back to the usual grind tomorrow.  Jacob is finally back to school, and we'll all have a full week of everything for the first time in a while.  Ugh.  It was easier going back to work knowing that I only had to do it for two days before getting two more off.  This was also a weekend off for Craig, which won't happen again for a while, so it was even more appealing than most.  I got a few more things done that I really wanted to do, which felt good.  There's still a bit of a mess under our tree, and I'll start taking Christmas stuff down next weekend.  Still a long to do list in general, but I feel a lot better than I did a couple weeks ago!

One of my goals for this weekend was to buy a play yard for Carter because he is constantly trying to get to Jacob's toys or the stairs or the tree or our coffee table/ottoman.  I know he won't stand for being in the pack-n-play, but I'm hoping the more open play yard can be used to give him an area and to block the stairs if we want to let him roam a little more.  Of course, Babies 'R' Us was sold out of the one I wanted so now I'm buying a different one online.  It seems a little extreme for what may be only a handful of months where we'll need it, but I think our circumstances with Carter are different than with Jacob.  We moved here when Jacob was a little over 21 months old.  Prior to that there wasn't much trouble Jacob could get into at our old house.  Here we have a fireplace and two sets of stairs, along with all of Jacob's toys, and I don't want to spend the next 10 months constantly dragging Carter away from all of it.  I want to give him room to roam, though, so play yard it is.  I hope it works out okay.

On the Jacob front, he's been brutal all week.  We're not quite sure what's going on.  It seemed to start after we ate out last week, so we thought maybe he just got glutened.  But it seemed like the effects of that should only last a couple days, whereas this has kept going all week.  He's been so much worse than usual.  Lots of hitting, absolute refusal to do anything we ask, completely illogical, and the desire to be annoying pretty much all the time.  He's even yelling at Carter, rather than ignoring him like he used to.  It's been horrible, pretty much a throwback to how he was back in September right before he was diagnosed with Celiac disease.  We can't figure out anything in his diet that would be an ongoing source of gluten, so either it's taking longer to get out of his system or it's something else.  There are times where it feels like it's some sort of hormonal shift or something.  It is truly incredible to see how oblivious he is to how difficult he's being.  He laughs through it all, continues the annoying behaviors, and cannot make the connection that his bad behavior causes him to miss out on things he wants to do...even though we make it very clear.  There's something that simply isn't wired correctly.  Normally it's difficult enough, but this week it has been completely short circuiting.  I wonder how we're ever going to get him functional because most of the treatment for stuff like this is behavior modification, but if he doesn't understand that what he's doing is wrong or undesirable (even though we're constantly telling him), how will he know that he needs to use the techniques to modify his behavior?  We're going to be contacting a new behavior specialist to see if we can get a more specialized opinion, and we're still waiting on the school district's evaluation, which was in progress back in December when I last talked to the school psychologist.  Did I ever mention that the questionnaires that we and his teacher filled out for his pediatrician came back without any specific diagnosis?  The answers did not come back indicating ADHD or anything else.  Good news, bad news, I guess.  We definitely need to do something, though, because this is not working.  Hopefully one of these days he will wake up back to "normal" (manageable but difficult).  I can't help but wonder at what point we scan his brain or something.  Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how he does back at school this week.  Maybe the routine will be good for him.  We can hope.

As for Carter, aside from him trying to get into everything, he's still incredibly cute.  He's still a mama's boy, constantly trying to climb into my lap and screaming if I'm anywhere in the vicinity but not the one holding him.  He's better than he was over Christmas, though, and much happier.  I can put him down a bit if I'm close by, and he's smiling so much more than he was.  He can be such a cutie, and he's got a great sense of comedic timing.  He loves playing peek-a-boo and he does this funny little thing where he sort of grunts or shrieks and jerks his body, almost like he's trying to get your attention or you surprised him.  It's funny. 

On the eating front things are a little better.  I'm still very cautious and haven't had the guts to try dairy again, but I'm trying to find things he can eat in the meantime.  He's addicted to Cheerios and is enjoying Kix cereal as well.  He loves when I give him little pieces of ham, too.  I also did some canned fruit in the last week, which he gobbled up, too.  It cracks me up to watch him eat, because he's still getting the hang of it but manages to find funny ways to get the finger foods in his mouth!  He's been pretty good about eating his baby food and cereal, but I can tell he loves his people food even more.  I just need to figure out what else to give him.  I looked at non-gluten-free breads the other day, but half of them have honey (which is a no-no for babies) and the other half have grains I haven't tried or some sort of dairy.  So much of what we eat has rice flour in it, so I either have to buy separate things for him (that we most likely won't use up), or get more creative.  It's a slow process, but he's made good progress.  And now he's finally getting tooth #8, the one I've been waiting for forever, so chewing will hopefully continue to get easier.  We started brushing teeth this week, too!  He's getting to be such a big boy with pulling up and trying to use his walker, but I think we still have a long wait before he'll be walking.

So, long story short, we're all a little tired around here these days...two kids that need a lot of attention for different reasons, and two parents with a lot going on at work and at home.  We're hanging in there, one day at a time right now.

Good Riddance 2013...

Well, it's been an interesting week.  I've been trying to get projects done here and there, with some degree of success.  I put all of my CDs into books today, finally got the easy-change frames for the kids' artwork hung in the toy corner of the living room, and have mostly sorted through my pictures from the summer so I could clear out my camera's memory card.  It's been a challenge managing both kids mostly on my own, and it's a good reminder why I'm not a stay-at-home mom.  Jacob has been difficult and Carter has been happy but needy.  Naptime has been helpful, but it's been a weird week nonetheless. 

Last Friday Lori came to give the boys their gifts--Jacob as her godson and Carter because it's his first Christmas.  Jacob got a Dick's gift card and a snowball maker...

Yes, Jacob is wearing shorts and moose socks.  Welcome to our world.

Carter got some sleepers and pop beads.  I had suggested those since I felt like he needed some basic toys that don't make as much noise!

I think he likes them!

He is also enjoying his walker, by the way.  He's not doing fantastically well with it yet, but he can take a few steps with it!

Saturday we went to the Knighthawks home opener, and Jacob got to go on the field with the rest of Hurricanes Lacrosse to be part of the tunnel that welcomes the team out on the floor. 

You can't see him here, but he's somewhere in the middle right by the bright lights.

He enjoyed the experience and it was a good game.  The Knighthawks raised their championship banner and started the season with a win.  Sunday was a relatively lazy, uneventful day.

Monday we took a trip to the Rochester Museum and Science Center.  I'd never been there before, and neither had Jacob.  I had a buy one get one free ticket and needed to use it this week, so I figured it was worth the trip.  It was an interesting mix of old school history and newer technologies.  One of the more interesting things was the tesla coil "concert".  Tesla coils emit electricity and make very loud noises while doing it, and they harnessed the noises into musical performances.  Here's a picture, but hopefully I'll upload the video soon...  

Carter did great wearing headphones to block out the noise, and was transfixed as he watched.  Jacob enjoyed it, too. 

As interesting as the newer technology stuff is, some of my favorite stuff was the old-school dioramas, typical of what I remember from my field trips to similar museums.  Here's one showing Rochester back in the 1800s.  I actually recognized a church in a different part of the display.

Jacob's favorite part was the Native American history.  This life-sized display had audio along with it, and a lacrosse stick in the background.

The statues below were at the front of the exhibit but didn't have an explanation, and Jacob asked the entire way through why the Indian had snakes in her (his) hair.

Turns out it was a symbolic thing about combing the snakes out prior to the two Indians signing a pact. 

Carter was delightfully patient the whole time.   I caught him here with his foot up on the stroller, just hanging out...

Here's another Native American diorama.  Seriously, these things are pretty cool.

Here's Jacob in front of another one...

And here's a display we stumbled across showing lacrosse!

There were a lot of hands-on activities, but we didn't take a lot of time to do them.  Jacob did, however, like the water and sand table.

He also liked the giant mastodon skeleton (and the "clothed" one in the background).  Who knew they found two of these in Rochester?!

Craig had a little fun with the dinosaur dress-up area...

All in all it was a pretty good visit.  Today was a pretty awful day behavior-wise (maybe a glutening at dinner last night?), but luckily Jacob fell asleep watching a movie tonight so at least we didn't have a bedtime battle to finish out the year.  Craig and I watched Love Actually while I wrote this blog post and had to pause it in the last few minutes so we could watch the ball drop. 

Even though I know the end of the year doesn't mean a darn thing, I am very happy to see 2013 bite the dust.  Aside from Carter's birth, the year was pretty darn crappy.  Way too much stress, lots of bad news, and a lot of changes.  I know that waking up tomorrow nothing will really be any different except for the date I write on my checks, but I'm hoping for a miraculous turnaround nonetheless.  When I realized that our baby would be born in "unlucky" 2013, I was actually a little annoyed.  I knew it was ridiculous, but now that we've gone through the year, I feel like that annoyance wasn't entirely out of line.  It was a rough year, for sure.  The "13" had nothing to do with it, but it seems like a like of people were happy to see this year go.  We are among them.  Hopefully we are on to bigger and better things...better help for Jacob, an easier time with our gluten-free/rice intolerant food situation, Carter's first birthday, a little less craziness with our jobs, and far more good news than bad. 

Good riddance, 2013.  And 2014, please be gentle.  We need a break.  Happy New Year, everyone!