Pondering a Tragedy

Tonight on the way home from a lacrosse game, one of my favorite songs came on the radio.  It's a song by a Christian singer, Plumb, called "In My Arms".  The song is about wanting to keep her kids safe from the sad, hard parts of the world.  She sings about how childhood is full of fairy tales, and how it breaks her heart that someday her kids will know the truth.  She just wants them to be safe in her arms.  When I mentioned how much I liked the song, Jacob asked what it was about.  I tried to explain it in simple terms, just saying that it's about a mommy who wants to keep her kids safe from the yuckiness in the world.  He prodded me for more specifics so I tried to give some examples--we pretty much settled on bad strangers--but I was at a loss for words because I didn't really want to lay out for him what all the bad stuff in the world was.

It was a timely discussion, of course, because of what happened in Aurora, CO, overnight.  It's such a sad, horrible story...beyond comprehension, in fact.  To think a bunch of people went to a late night movie and 12 of them ended up dead (and dozens more injured)...unthinkable.  I still don't know why these crazy people can't just take themselves out and be done with it.  Or geez, get help.  I can't imagine what this guy's story is, but it's not really about him.  It's about the victims.  One was a kid from Rochester.  Craig was just doing some digging and it turns out the first identified victim, the girl who was an aspiring sportscaster, had some ties here, too, through her boyfriend. 

I read a blog post this morning about a mom who was debating explaining to her five-year-old son what had happened.  On one hand, she hates the thought of sharing such evil with him, but on the other hand she doesn't want to downplay tragedy and make him immune to it.  I agree, it's a tough call.  We struggle with this every year when September 11th events come around.  We're compelled to watch the documentaries and memorials, but don't want to dig into the details with Jacob around.  It's a delicate balance.

I read another blog tonight discussing the fact that there were kids in that theater.  His big question was,"Why were they there?"  It was a midnight showing of a violent movie.  There was no reason for a six year old or three month old to be there.  He was attacked in the comments by people saying it wasn't the time to discuss it and that he shouldn't judge other parents' choices.  I get that the timing may not have been great, but to be fair, he's a parenting blogger and it was a valid parenting question--would you do it and why?  I agree with him--when you're a parent, you make sacrifices.  Wait a few days, go to a matinee...let your kids sleep in peace at home.  Maybe they had a valid reason, but I just think it's one of those parenting decisions that leaves you up for judgment, like taking your kid out in winter without socks or feeding an infant pure junk food.  They're not the most instinctively good decisions based on prevailing wisdom, so don't be surprised or appalled if someone inquires.  Not that we need to immediately be critical, but some parenting decisions just beg to have questions asked...and answered. 

Kids didn't get shot because their parents brought them there--it could have happened anywhere.  They got shot because one lunatic lost control.  It's quite the price to pay for an outing where the parents thought the only fallout would be cranky, overtired kids possibly having nightmares from on-screen violence.  I personally don't think it was a good decision to bring their kids there in the first place.  It just looks extra bad now that some guy broke in and shot up the theater.  But they never could have imagined what might happen so you can't blame them for that part.  But I also can't blame the blogger for asking the question--even if there might have been a better time to ask it.

It kills me that Jacob will grow up in a world where this stuff is all too common.  When Columbine happened, I was a junior in college and that was such an unfathomable event.  Since then there have been seemingly dozens of similar occurrences, both in the US and elsewhere, at any number of different locations--a military base, a camp, colleges, daycares, and now a movie theater.  I hate that he'll grow up in a world where that's the norm, where September 11th will always be a reality, and where war isn't just something to learn about in history class.  Add in the prevalence of sex, drugs, alcohol, and violence in our society, reaching kids that are far too young to process their impact, and I just wonder how any kid makes it through okay.  Lots of prayer and strong guidance, I suppose. 

Bad judgments aside, the whole thing is a terrible tragedy.  My thoughts and prayers are with the victims, and my arms will be around my little boy.  And once the news story vanishes from our screens, I'll still be thinking about the bad in the world and wondering how to help Jacob navigate through it all unscathed.  I, too, want to keep my child safe in my arms, but it's hard for him to grow if I squeeze too tight.  God help us all....

Tuesday Randoms

Not much to report these days.  We're all just sort of plugging away, I guess.  It took some adjusting getting back to regular life after our mini-vacation.  Craig was gone on a two-game roadtrip over the weekend, and Jacob and I just stuck close to home.  Even once Craig came home we didn't do much.  It felt like a failure of a weekend since we didn't have any set plans but didn't cross anything off our summer "bucket list".  Our time at home on weekends is rare, yet we didn't take advantage.  I did manage a nap of my own this weekend, which almost never happens.  Turns out I must have needed it--I came down with a nasty cold overnight into this morning.  It's pretty miserable, actually.

We're dealing with a couple Jacob issues this week.  First, as I mentioned in my last post, we've been battling him when it comes to wearing multiple layers in this 90+ degree weather.  I'm afraid he's going to give himself heat stroke or something, but he insists.  We keep his outside playtime short, of course, but it just leaves us shaking our heads.  He was also insisting upon wearing pants with belt loops (meaning, nicer pants than he should wear for playing baseball) because baseball guys wear belts.  Oy.

He's also been staying up really late.  I think tonight was the first time he went to sleep before 9:30 in days.  Lately he's been staying up for no apparent reason--trips to the potty, "meetings" with his animals, singing, you name it.  Tonight he kicked me on purpose after I told him not to, and per my warning, I took away some of his animals.  He freaked out.  However, whether he got the message or tired himself out, it didn't matter because he fell asleep on time.  Thank goodness.

We're a little concerned because he's been having some coughing fits lately at night, and he's been peeing a lot more than usual.  He also poops a LOT, but that's been going on for a while now, longer than the frequent peeing.  One of these days we'll probably have to get him into the doctor.  He's got his cardiologist appointment in two weeks, as well, so it feels like he's got enough scrutiny coming up.  We'll see.  Everything seems to go in phases but it's always tough to tell if it's something he's consciously doing or if it's actually a problem. 

On the bright side, I have managed to use my iPod as a bribe for him to get ready for bed on time.  He gets to play a few minutes of games if he's a good boy and gets ready for bed quickly enough.  Video games are probably as bad as food to use as a bribe, but I'm limiting it, so for now I'm not going to worry about it. 

Still working on the babymaking.  Hormonal fluctuations suck.  That's really all I'm going to say about that. 

Anyway, tonight's workout kicked my butt thanks to this cold, so it looks like an early night for me.  Let's hope I have something more fun to discuss soon...

Testing, Testing...

The terrible twos were hard.  Three was tough, too.  Apparently four isn't much different.  The problems have changed, but yet Jacob is still incredibly difficult to deal with. 

By the time we were driving home from our vacation, Craig and I were both left shaking our heads.  Jacob had been made us both nuts the whole trip.  Much of it can probably be chalked up to sleep deprivation.  He was off his schedule, not napping normally, and kept having those coughing fits in the middle of the night, so I know that didn't help matters.  But even well-rested we know that he can be a handful.  He's an extremely determined little boy, and when he gets something in his head, there's no stopping him.  Hence why he's running around our yard in 90-degree weather wearing long sleeves and long pants.  He's convinced that baseball guys can play in long pants, so he can too.  He literally had at least four layers on top today, and I was dying in one short-sleeved one.

When we were wandering the streets of Cooperstown, whenever there was something he wanted to buy or do, he repeated it over and over, never taking no for an answer.  Tonight he walked through Walmart, annoyed first because he wanted to ride in a cart (which he never does), then because his crankiness about the cart (in the form of hitting me) meant we couldn't go get a treat after our shopping.  He yelled and whined the entire time about the same issues, right until we got home. 

In general there's just a lot of kicking and hitting and ignoring.  He doesn't listen, and when you yell at him for that, he fights back.  Nothing seems to work.  No amount of yelling, taking away privileges, or even spankings work.  He'll insist he wants to be a good boy, but when the time comes to make the right decision, it rarely happens.  It's very frustrating, and it really does make life difficult around here.  He can't be reasoned with, either.  No matter how many times we explain to him that he'd have time to play in the morning if he just got ready more quickly, he still needs to be told twenty times to get off the potty, wash his hands, get dressed, etc.  He knows he's being naughty but thinks it's funny.  He tests us at every turn, and no matter how consistent we try to be, it doesn't seem to resonate with him because he's right back at it at his next opportunity.  It's infuriating and we're just not sure what to do about it. 

We obviously love him to pieces, but it makes it hard to do much of anything fun when the suggestion is met with resistance or we have to go through 10 "costume changes" to get around to doing it.  We'd love to show him the world, if only it wasn't so hard to convince him of that.  Hopefully someday it will all click with him and he'll figure out that his tantrums don't work.  He has moments between the tantrums that are downright sweet and pleasant, so we know it's possible, but when he shows his dark side, it's almost like it will never end.  The story of parenthood is that those good moments are the ones that get us through, but when they're few and far between, it leaves us a little low on fuel.  But as always, tomorrow is another day.  Wish us luck...

Home

I was a bit surprised at how happy I was to arrive home last night.  Normally it's a relief to come back from vacation, but considering this was a short one, I didn't expect to be quite so ecstatic upon our return.  The last couple days of the trip were mostly spent in Cooperstown, which is pretty much as all-American as it gets.  It's a quintissential small town that revolves around baseball...how much Americana can you handle?

I'm actually getting ahead of myself.  We actually had a decent but still cough-disturbed night of sleep on Monday night, but slept in until about 8am, which was nice.  Jacob and I got up and running relatively quickly so we could check out the pool at the resort.  It was indoor-outdoor and I figured he'd get a kick out of swimming between the two, so we headed down for a brief swim.  It was a cool morning and the pool wasn't particularly warm (but still swimmable), and the best part was that it was only three feet deep in most parts, so Jacob could touch the bottom!  He really liked that, and so did I--even if I had to crouch awkwardly in order to keep myself warm under the water.  We had fun but eventually had to head back to the room to get ready for a farewell breakfast with the whole family.

We ate a delicious breakfast at a typical greasy-spoon sort of place.  I have decided that I love breakfast foods maybe more than anything else.  I don't know what it is, but eggs and toast are just a classic and they're extra good in a restaurant (probably because they use real butter!).  This time I actually opted for something different, an egg wrap.  It was eggs, cheese and veggies all rolled up in a wrap.  It was delicious.  Craig opted to go healthy--oatmeal and wheat toast--and Jacob had a Mickey Mouse pancake the size of his head.  We ate up, enjoyed each other's company, took a few last minute pictures, and it was time to say goodbye.  We were headed to Cooperstown, my parents were headed to Maine, and John and Kristin had a few more days in Massachusetts before heading back home to Portland, OR. 

Three grandkids together!

We took one minor detour before heading to Cooperstown.  We weren't in any rush, so I brought up nearby attractions on the GPS, and the first one was two miles away, called Balance Rock.  That sounded interesting, so off we went.  We drove down a road into a park, and I actually didn't see it until we were on our way back out.  But how cool is this?  

To give you some perspective, the rock is probably a good 15 ft. long.  From this angle it's probably about 10 ft. wide.

After indulging my need for randomness, we headed off to Cooperstown.  Lots of back roads later, we arrived.  As I said, Cooperstown is ALL about baseball.  We figured we'd spend the afternoon shopping in the countless baseball-themed shops along Main St.  We certainly did that, but we also found a speed pitch thing.  Jacob actually threw 24 miles per hour!

Craig threw after this and threw a little more than twice as fast...I did not throw.

Doubleday Field is a couple blocks down from the Hall of Fame, and coincidentally, there was a game that day.  A collegiate level amateur league team plays there, and tickets were cheap.  We got free water bottles out of the deal, and enjoyed some baseball in a classic old stadium. 

My favorite touch?  There are public bathrooms off to the right of this picture, and the players had to use those, too.  No locker rooms, apparently!

You can see a little of the old-school structure here.  The seats behind home plate were benches with seat numbers.  It all felt very "A League of their Own", for lack of a better comparison.

And yes, it's time for another popcorn picture of Jacob...

We grabbed some dinner in a cafe, then headed back to our hotel.  Along the way we stopped for gas and happened to witness an arrest in the mini-mart parking lot.  The cop came out with the perp in one hand and a footlong sub in the other.  Hmmm.  We got to our hotel, which was nice enough, and as I mentioned in my last post, Craig and I were both in catch-up mode so we were awake for quite a while and Jacob wouldn't go to sleep either.  He fell off the bed head-first once, and refused to sleep even long after we turned out the lights.  Brutal.

We headed back to Cooperstown in the morning...

Time for the Hall of Fame!

...and the trip was an interesting experience.  Some things were exactly as I remembered them--particularly the movie theater, which I loved the first time I was there...

But a lot had changed.  In fact, most of it was unrecognizable from the last time I was there, somewhere around 2003, let alone my trip there on my 8th grade class trip in 1992.  Some of it was better, but Craig and I both agreed that the Hockey Hall of Fame does it up right--lots of interactive exhibits, prime trophy displays, and kid-friendly exhibits.  The baseball hall is a little stiffer, but we still enjoyed ourselves.  That said, there's a reason kids under 7 get in free!

I unsuccessfully tried to get a picture with Jacob...

What is with that FACE?!

 And decided that we need to make it a priority to go see these guys next summer, hopefully as part of a trip to the midwest for my cousin's wedding...

We've seen racing pierogies and pork products--it's time to see some sausages!

 Craig is a huge Hank Aaron fan, so imagine his delight when he discovered that there's an entire wing dedicated to him.  The boys gladly got in Hammerin' Hank's locker for this shot...

The main hall where the player plaques are is truly beautiful, particularly the atrium at the end. 

We looked for the faces we wanted to see, then found a spot of the hall we didn't notice prior.  It had a kid's area, which Jacob loved.  Here he is in action...

Batting...

 And he finally listened for once, sitting in the baseball mitt chair...

Craig liked this photo op--partly because the guy had a Buffalo jersey, but also because he tried to do a classic baseball card pose. Oy.

We did some shopping and headed out.  We stopped in Syracuse for dinner with my college roommate (yay!  I seriously don't see her enough), and then headed home.  It was a fun but very trying trip.  More on that soon.  Once again, my priority right now is SLEEP.  Definitely still recovering!

Family Vacation

This past weekend we headed to Massachusetts to spend a couple days with my entire immediate family.  My brother's whole family flew in from Portland to my sister-in-law Kristin's hometown in the Berkshires for her high school reunion.  My parents came out as well, and because we were all embarking on our own vacations beyond the weekend, we all drove separately.  In addition, we started out in Buffalo on Sunday morning because we had a family wedding on Saturday and Craig was working in Canada.  My parents were up and out by 7am.  We took a little longer to get out, and then had a pit stop at home in Rochester to edit some of our packing choices and take care of mail (which I didn't stop soon enough) and newspaper issues.  We arrived in Massachusetts later in the afternoon, and pretty much got right to it in Kristin's sister's pool. 

The kids were doing a "train" with Grandpa (Jacob, Kate, and Kristin's friend's daughter)

Jacob and Kate with Uncle John

Little bathing beauty Kate

 Outside the pool was a handsome little man I was excited to see--Max!  You can see what he looked like seven months ago here.  I can't believe how big he is, but of course, lifting him up was a major switch from lifting Jacob!  Even Kate is way lighter than Jacob, which was a welcome change of pace because he's getting hard for me to lift at nearly 40 pounds!

Cutie pie!

We pretty much just spent Sunday chilling around the pool, playing in the yard, meeting some of Kristin's friends, and getting reacquainted with her sister's family.  We had a great time, but boy, was I tired by the time we got to our hotel at Jiminy Peak, where we were sharing a suite with my parents.  The place was very nice and it was helpful to have a separate bedroom to put Jacob to bed in, with a living room to spend the evening in without disturbing him (unlike tonight, where he's up horribly late after a late nap, in a shared hotel room, with parents catching up online after a day away from internet access).  Still, we had a terrible night of sleep.  Jacob has been having horrible coughing fits the past few nights (cold? allergies?) that kept us awake for hours, and he woke up terribly early anyway.  So, needless to say, we were extra tired on Monday.

We spent Monday morning doing the activities at Jiminy Peak.  There was a bounce house and playground for the kids, for starters.  Here are Craig and Jacob with the cute Cookie Monster carving near the bounce house...

Then we ventured to the more exciting activities.  First up was the alpine slide, which I had done before and figured Jacob would love.  It's like a big sled on wheels going down a dry version of a water slide.  You control your speed.  Here we are almost to the bottom...

You probably can't see it, but there are big smiles on both of our faces!

And then we headed to the mountain coaster--basically a mini, single-car roller coaster that goes down the mountain and has hand brakes.  I had never done this but had seen videos of European ones and was dying to do it.  Imagine my joy when I found out Jiminy Peak had one!

Getting ready to go!

And here's Craig at the bottom...

I had to convince him to go on both rides, but he enjoyed both.  Our biggest concern was actually whether Jacob would actually listen and sit still on the chair lift ride up to the alpine slide.  He did, and despite a tantrum prior to getting on, Jacob loved that, too.

After a few more activities and some lunch, we headed back for naps.  Jacob got in over two hours, and so did I.  Of course, he woke up asking why he was wet, having peed his pants while wearing full soccer gear that he put on (that he shouldn't have) when he was supposed to be trying to nap.  That involved some clean-up and a tantrum on his end, and was a less-than-happy ending to a blissful couple hours.

That night we headed over to the rental house where John's family was staying with Kristin's friend's family from California.  He sister's family came to join us as well.  We all needed to get our fix of our niece/nephew/cousins from the west coast!  They did a lovely BBQ feast, and we spent some time in the wooded quiet of the deck and hanging out in the living room-kitchen area.  At one point I caught Jacob and Kate sharing the iPad...

Cute cousins :)

And we finally got in a real family picture, but with three kids it was tough to get a winner.  I think this was the best I got!

It was a fun evening, but once again we arrived back at the hotel exhausted!  Luckily, we all slept better!  Good thing, too, since we had another busy day ahead of us!  More on that soon...but for now, SLEEP!

Someday we'll go see fireworks...

The last time I saw real 4th of July fireworks was five years ago.  We watched them from my office on the 16th floor overlooking downtown, and it was amazing.  Comfortable seat, no crowd, perfect view, and weatherproof.  Good thing that viewing was so awesome, because it's had to make do for the last five years.  For some reason, we never seem to be able to make the effort to go see them.  And I like fireworks, particularly on the 4th of July.  Sure, I used to hide in my parents car, tucked in a ball on the floor of the back seat, totally petrified of the booms, but aside from those loud, colorless boomers, I really do enjoy fireworks now. 

The apple apparently doesn't fall far from the tree, as Jacob is not a fan.  He's seen fireworks here and there, mostly at baseball games.  They never used to phase him, but over the last year or two he's developed some sort of random fear.  He's told us numerous times that we can't go to baseball games with fireworks.  However, as we learned from the pool debacle, sometimes all it takes is experiencing something anew and seeing that it's ok, in order to put the fear behind us.  So, while the fear wasn't the main driver of another non-fireworks 4th, it probably did contribute to our lack of motivation to go.

Instead we opted for a low-key day and a soccer game.  We had a very lazy morning and an easy lunch, then Jacob was off for his nap.  While he napped I replaced the fill valve on one of our toilets and fenced in my garden, effectively closing the salad bar to the small mammals of the neighborhood (I hope).  Craig took a dip in the pool until I requested his assistance with the garden task, and by the time that was done, Jacob woke up.  I was ready for a dip in the pool--it was 90 and felt even hotter--so Jacob came in with me.  After a quick swim, it was time to go in the house and get ready for dinner and the soccer game. 

We headed out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, Carmine's, and then went to the game.  Well, Craig had the time of the game wrong, and it turned out it didn't start until an hour later, which meant we had a very long wait with not a lot to do.  Still, despite the fact that it was HOT, the weather was nice and there were plenty of soccer warm-ups for Jacob to watch.  We killed time and finally sat down to enjoy the game. 

Jacob was looking a little sleepy by the end of the first half, so we decided to call it a day.  The good news is that we'd get him home close to bedtime, but the bad news is that we had no shot of hitting any of the city fireworks displays--the main one, or the one at the baseball game down the road.  On the way out we did manage to get this picture...

What you don't see is that 10 seconds earlier Rex nearly ran over Jacob because Jacob ran right up to his legs and he couldn't see him.  Rex knows us and apologized later, but we know how it goes--mascot vision is limited--and we reminded Jacob to be a little more careful running up to mascots because they can't see very well.  Cute picture, though!

Jacob started to get tired on the way home and just nodded off, but then woke up when we arrived and didn't fall asleep until after 10:30.  Ugh.  We've been having trouble getting him up and out in the mornings, partly because we've been a little lax with bedtime (evening swims, mostly!) and partly because his new-found freedom with the safety knob off his door has led to a nightly walk to the bathroom about 5-10 minutes after we say goodnight.  Hopefully our upcoming time away will get him out of the habit.  Of course, hotel sleeping with Jacob is one of my least favorite things ever, so I doubt the sleep situation is going to improve over the next few days. 

On the bright side, we will have some fun family time in the next few days, so that will be awesome. The time away from work couldn't come at a better time, either.  More to report soon... 

Busy Week!

It's been a busy week.  Just now I'm loading pictures on to my computer from my camera from the last week.  Here are some highlights...

Jacob showing off one of his birthday gifts from Uncle John, Aunt Kristin, Kate and Max...a Bills jersey!

 Last Wednesday we went to a baseball game, our first of the season as a family.  It wasn't even a Red Wings game, as Rochester is hosting a bunch of games for the Empire State (formerly Scranton/Wilkes-Barre) Yankees, whose stadium is being renovated this summer.  They were playing against the Gwinnett Braves, so Craig wanted to go.  It was a pretty low key game, but the weather was lovely and we had a nice time.

Jacob with Spikes and Mittsy

The first non-blurry picture Jacob has ever taken of me.  I guess he needs that outside lighting!

Attempt at a family portrait...almost!

Cute picture of my boys!

And Jacob being a goof as usual...

 Over the weekend Jacob got a couple belated birthday gifts when we saw Craig's family for his parents' 40th anniversary party.  Sadly, I don't really have many pictures from that event as I have concluded that his family isn't big on the photo ops!  Anyway, one of his birthday gifts was a full Captain America outfit.  He had a shield and mask/helmet, but this really completed the look.  He couldn't wait to get into it when he got it, and he's wanted it on a lot ever since.  The new skullcap mask really completes the look, and he couldn't wait to get home and get his shield!

This is an odd week with the 4th of July midweek, but the good news is that we only have to manage a couple days of work/daycare in a row.  Then we have a busy weekend ahead and three days off next week to spend some time with my brother's family.  Can't wait to see the kids together!  But first, hopefully some fun time together tomorrow!  And hopefully more fun blog posts to come!