So it appears I've developed a case of severe paranoia when it comes to illnesses. And it's really annoying, because it makes me all panicky and even impacts how I'm feeling physically... psychosomatic, maybe? It's making me nuts. This time of year is especially bad, because everywhere I turn I'm hearing about sick people. Everyone's talking about their sick kids on Facebook, and just knowing the illnesses that Jacob's classmates come down with makes me downright nervous about it a good chunk of the time. When will the next illness strike, who will it strike, and who else will catch it?
Yesterday alone two friends on Facebook posted about their kids' stomach troubles, and one more had a kid with strep. One more popped up with a pukey kid today. So obviously the bugs are out there. I was so nervous in the days leading up to Christmas and New Year's that Jacob would get sick. I kept thinking that we were destined to have a repeat of last New Year's Day, when we spent most of the day catching Jacob's puke and then heading to the ER, and most of the rest of the week dealing with the other end. His little puking episode the Sunday before Christmas this year totally freaked me out and did nothing to calm my fears, even though he wasn't actually sick. Then when I felt crappy on New Year's Day, I was petrified again. Even when Jacob had his fever and no other symptoms, I was so concerned it would turn into more. Every time he coughed I held my breath and prayed it didn't have puke coming after it. How crazy is that? Am I so scarred from last year's experience that everything like that causes a little bit of panic in me?
Of course, I have a right to be concerned. That was a horrible week or so for all of us. Jacob puked for a day, Craig got sick 36 hours later, and I felt like crap for a whole week. I never puked but had one evening where I thought for sure it was coming. I got emptied out even without that, but suffice it to say that it was a truly awful period for all of us. Being sick is horrible, but as a parent it's even harder. How can you care for your child when you're so sick? I remember the insane fear I had when I had two separate episodes a month or two apart back when Jacob was only about nine months old. I think they both must have been food poisoning or something, but until I could surmise that, I was so scared to nurse him because I didn't want to pass along what I had to him via close contact. And both times Craig was working and I needed to call for help. To not be able to care for your own child is so hard. I live in constant fear of that, especially now that Craig's work has kicked into high gear and most of his weekends will be spent working and/or traveling. And it's hard to call people in. Happy as they are to help, there's got to be a nagging fear in the back of their minds that they'll get what you have. And I'd feel horribly guilty if they did.
There's just such a lack of control that happens when people around you are sick. One of the sick kids yesterday was the son of some friends of ours. He's four and they ended up taking him to the hospital with severe dehydration. I remember how scared we were of that with Jacob, and I can only imagine how they felt. Not only dealing with the sick child and the cleanup for a day and a half, but the pure fear of how sick he might be. All of it together is so much stress. And usually you're sleep deprived and that makes it even worse. And although this is a minor point, I always worry about some illness (mine or Jacob's) wiping out my sick days and leaving me defenseless next time an illness strikes. Then it starts digging into vacation days, and that's a bummer for an entirely different reason. But not having any control over how long someone is sick, how they feel, or in Jacob's case, where they deposit the results of their illness, is just misery for me.
So amidst all of this, last night Craig felt horrible when he came home. He had a terrible headache and his stomach was off. On top of that, Jacob was just whiny and cranky. He kept coming over to me and sitting on my lap, but then shoving off of me like he was uncomfortable. It was so odd. But after a day of hearing about sick people and coming home to the two of them, I suspected the worst. Even I started feeling less than great, though I'm not sure if something really was wrong or if any tiny little seed of a problem (like a little extra stomach activity) grew into more simply because I was stressed about what this might mean. As all of this was running through my head, I seriously panicked a bit. I just wanted to get up and run out the door, both out of fear of what it all might mean for the rest of our week, and a fear that I might catch something myself. I just couldn't handle it. Fortunately, Craig did eat some food and felt much better, and chalked it up to stress at work and exhaustion from a busy week of traveling and long days, and being up with Jacob the night before (another post for another day). Jacob seems to be fine, albeit a little off or cranky or something (again, part of that other future post). So it would appear that we dodged some sort of bullet for now. But just knowing the germs are out there freaks me out. I think I'm a little too lazy to become a true germaphobe, but maybe I should keep reminding myself how much being sick sucks and that laziness might disappear awfully quickly. Still, it's exhausting to think about. I know it's inevitable and I just shouldn't worry about it until it happens, but it's hard not to. But in the meantime, I think I might need hypnosis or something so I stop feeling like I'm the next victim every time I hear about a current one...
Friday, January 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Peanutty Good
I can't remember how often I've mentioned my fears of food allergies here. I'm not allergic to any foods (which is a miracle considering I'm allergic to the outdoors), but with the prevalence of allergies these days, I have still been very nervous about Jacob. Even worse is that his older cousin Grant is allergic to peanuts and eggs, so knowing that those issues could be hiding somewhere in the gene pool is a little scary. I have no idea how these things crop up, though--whether it's genetic or environmental or completely random gene mutations--so it's such a crap shoot. It's almost enough to make me not want to have another child, but people get through it and so would we, I guess. Aside from the obvious health concerns that allergies pose, I dread the thought of ever having to work around them. Cooking and food shopping are often difficult enough for me, and I can't imagine having to stop and read labels on everything I buy. I already do that from time to time, and I feel like it makes me look neurotic or at the very least makes my shopping trips that much longer. It makes eating out especially hard, and I enjoy doing that from time to time. Long story short, it just makes everything harder. And it scares me to no end that one slip-up could cost your child their life. Ugh.
I was pretty careful in offering foods to Jacob when they were recommended. I stayed away from wheat, eggs and berries until he was a year old, and slowly conquered other scary foods as we went along. But once we got past a year or so, pretty much the only thing left was nuts. Jacob ended up accidentally testing out almonds a while back, maybe last summer, when my parents gave him Honey Nut Chex that they had gotten as a sample with their newspaper. I was sleeping when they did it and had a minor freakout when I found out. But all was fine, thankfully, so at least we had crossed that off the list. The only thing left was peanuts. I was scared to death. On the bright side, Jacob's daycare is already peanut free. So, not only would that not be a problem, but I also wouldn't have to worry about any accidents there involving other kids with peanut butter. I kept wanting to try them once he hit his second birthday, but I kept losing my nerve. He did have a couple brief run-ins with them at baseball games over the summer, like touching peanut shells or sitting within a few feet of peanut eaters, and since nothing happened then, I figured that maybe that was a good sign.
There's such an assortment of research out there about peanut allergies--that waiting to introduce peanuts prevents them, or that holding off too long actually causes them, or that eating peanuts while pregnant or nursing leads them, or that it actually may help avoid them. What?! Thinking back I think I mostly held off from peanuts while pregnant and nursing, but I think I indulged a couple times when the holidays came around and peanut butter cups and cookies were everywhere. But I mostly held off. Of course, that may mean nothing. I often wonder if there's actually nothing we can do about it and allergic kids would be that way no matter what. Still, I do wonder why it's so prevalent nowadays. Is it that our messing with the system (telling people when to introduce things) is making it worse? Or that all of the recessive genes for allergies are now teaming up as both parents contribute one, and it's becoming a dominant gene? Or are there environmental factors screwing with genetics or hormones or ingredients themselves that are making kids more susceptible? It's just odd and it's taking the fun out of things for so many people. It's hard to believe that so many schools can't have kids eating that kid staple, PB&J.
So, like I was saying, I kept losing my nerve. I'd think, "Oh, maybe tonight we'll try a peanut butter cookie or a peanut M&M," but then I'd think, no, it's not really convenient to go to the emergency room tonight if something went wrong because I'm alone/it'll mess up bedtime/the weather's bad and it might be a slow drive/etc. But all the while, in the back of my mind I kept thinking how nice it would be to add a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to the list of meals I could feed him on weekends or when he didn't like our main course at dinner. The peanuts provide good protein and he already loves bread. But I just kept holding off. Until Christmas.
Among the items in the big spread at my aunt and uncle's house on Christmas evening was Chex Mix, and it was the real stuff (not the bagged kind) and it had peanuts in it. I held off giving it to Jacob for that reason, and surveyed the table for other potential peanut hazards, of which there were a few. At some point after presents, Jacob ran off with his cousins (my cousins' kids, ranging in age from about 13 down to 6) up to my younger cousin Megan's room. She's 17, and I guess she's now the cool cousin for the young kids, much like my Uncle Mark was always the cool uncle for his younger nieces and nephews. Ironically, she now has his old bedroom after my aunt and (other) uncle moved into my grandparents' old house. Anyway, when I went to track him down, I walked in to discover him eating a peanut (of all things) from a plate of Chex Mix sitting out on the desk. Oh crap. I didn't know if that was the first one or one of many, so for the next half hour (or admittedly, the rest of the night), I was constantly checking him over for any signs of problems--rash, breathing issues, swelling, etc. None came, though I knew in the back of my mind that sometimes symptoms don't appear with the first exposure.
Since then we've tried little bits here and there. A peanut butter-filled candy here, a bite of peanut brittle there, and so far so good. Yesterday when I was home with Jacob and he rejected my first suggestion for lunch, I decided to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Not only did we have no problems, but he LOVED it. He ended up eating two helpings, which pretty much amounted to a full sandwich. Woohoo! Incidentally, I don't like PB & J, and never have. At least, in my memory. I remember disliking the mushy sandwiches in my bag lunch (those didn't last long, apparently), and I have never eaten one since. I keep thinking I should try again, though I don't really need the fat content of peanut butter, no matter how much "good fat" it contains. I do, however, like peanut butter when it is paired with chocolate or anything dessert-like. And for the record, I read labels a ton when picking one, because I wanted one without a lot of fillers and crap in it. I ended up with Simply Jif, which has less sugar and a very short ingredient list. I read that reduced fat versions have a lot of junk for not a lot of fat savings, so I opted for the goodness of the real stuff. Small steps, I guess.
So, I'm hoping this means we're good to go. I'm just sad for all the folks out there who aren't--just read a post from a friend on Facebook today whose daughter came up positive for peanuts, among other things, and our nephew will have to deal with it forever, too--and nervous that next time it could be us. Knowing that allergens are out there makes it a much scarier world to send your kid out into, when one false move could kill them or have dire consequences. And God knows I'd never forgive myself if I did something to cause a problem. There's just too much that can go wrong. So, for now, I guess I can just thank God that Jacob appears to be fine and that the rogue peanuts on Christmas didn't cause a problem we'd have been hard-pressed to solve. And I will rest comfortably knowing that not only is my child safe, but he will also enjoy a life of peanut M&Ms, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and other peanutty delights. Yay :)
I was pretty careful in offering foods to Jacob when they were recommended. I stayed away from wheat, eggs and berries until he was a year old, and slowly conquered other scary foods as we went along. But once we got past a year or so, pretty much the only thing left was nuts. Jacob ended up accidentally testing out almonds a while back, maybe last summer, when my parents gave him Honey Nut Chex that they had gotten as a sample with their newspaper. I was sleeping when they did it and had a minor freakout when I found out. But all was fine, thankfully, so at least we had crossed that off the list. The only thing left was peanuts. I was scared to death. On the bright side, Jacob's daycare is already peanut free. So, not only would that not be a problem, but I also wouldn't have to worry about any accidents there involving other kids with peanut butter. I kept wanting to try them once he hit his second birthday, but I kept losing my nerve. He did have a couple brief run-ins with them at baseball games over the summer, like touching peanut shells or sitting within a few feet of peanut eaters, and since nothing happened then, I figured that maybe that was a good sign.
There's such an assortment of research out there about peanut allergies--that waiting to introduce peanuts prevents them, or that holding off too long actually causes them, or that eating peanuts while pregnant or nursing leads them, or that it actually may help avoid them. What?! Thinking back I think I mostly held off from peanuts while pregnant and nursing, but I think I indulged a couple times when the holidays came around and peanut butter cups and cookies were everywhere. But I mostly held off. Of course, that may mean nothing. I often wonder if there's actually nothing we can do about it and allergic kids would be that way no matter what. Still, I do wonder why it's so prevalent nowadays. Is it that our messing with the system (telling people when to introduce things) is making it worse? Or that all of the recessive genes for allergies are now teaming up as both parents contribute one, and it's becoming a dominant gene? Or are there environmental factors screwing with genetics or hormones or ingredients themselves that are making kids more susceptible? It's just odd and it's taking the fun out of things for so many people. It's hard to believe that so many schools can't have kids eating that kid staple, PB&J.
So, like I was saying, I kept losing my nerve. I'd think, "Oh, maybe tonight we'll try a peanut butter cookie or a peanut M&M," but then I'd think, no, it's not really convenient to go to the emergency room tonight if something went wrong because I'm alone/it'll mess up bedtime/the weather's bad and it might be a slow drive/etc. But all the while, in the back of my mind I kept thinking how nice it would be to add a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to the list of meals I could feed him on weekends or when he didn't like our main course at dinner. The peanuts provide good protein and he already loves bread. But I just kept holding off. Until Christmas.
Among the items in the big spread at my aunt and uncle's house on Christmas evening was Chex Mix, and it was the real stuff (not the bagged kind) and it had peanuts in it. I held off giving it to Jacob for that reason, and surveyed the table for other potential peanut hazards, of which there were a few. At some point after presents, Jacob ran off with his cousins (my cousins' kids, ranging in age from about 13 down to 6) up to my younger cousin Megan's room. She's 17, and I guess she's now the cool cousin for the young kids, much like my Uncle Mark was always the cool uncle for his younger nieces and nephews. Ironically, she now has his old bedroom after my aunt and (other) uncle moved into my grandparents' old house. Anyway, when I went to track him down, I walked in to discover him eating a peanut (of all things) from a plate of Chex Mix sitting out on the desk. Oh crap. I didn't know if that was the first one or one of many, so for the next half hour (or admittedly, the rest of the night), I was constantly checking him over for any signs of problems--rash, breathing issues, swelling, etc. None came, though I knew in the back of my mind that sometimes symptoms don't appear with the first exposure.
Since then we've tried little bits here and there. A peanut butter-filled candy here, a bite of peanut brittle there, and so far so good. Yesterday when I was home with Jacob and he rejected my first suggestion for lunch, I decided to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Not only did we have no problems, but he LOVED it. He ended up eating two helpings, which pretty much amounted to a full sandwich. Woohoo! Incidentally, I don't like PB & J, and never have. At least, in my memory. I remember disliking the mushy sandwiches in my bag lunch (those didn't last long, apparently), and I have never eaten one since. I keep thinking I should try again, though I don't really need the fat content of peanut butter, no matter how much "good fat" it contains. I do, however, like peanut butter when it is paired with chocolate or anything dessert-like. And for the record, I read labels a ton when picking one, because I wanted one without a lot of fillers and crap in it. I ended up with Simply Jif, which has less sugar and a very short ingredient list. I read that reduced fat versions have a lot of junk for not a lot of fat savings, so I opted for the goodness of the real stuff. Small steps, I guess.
So, I'm hoping this means we're good to go. I'm just sad for all the folks out there who aren't--just read a post from a friend on Facebook today whose daughter came up positive for peanuts, among other things, and our nephew will have to deal with it forever, too--and nervous that next time it could be us. Knowing that allergens are out there makes it a much scarier world to send your kid out into, when one false move could kill them or have dire consequences. And God knows I'd never forgive myself if I did something to cause a problem. There's just too much that can go wrong. So, for now, I guess I can just thank God that Jacob appears to be fine and that the rogue peanuts on Christmas didn't cause a problem we'd have been hard-pressed to solve. And I will rest comfortably knowing that not only is my child safe, but he will also enjoy a life of peanut M&Ms, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and other peanutty delights. Yay :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Parenting and Priorities
Hello from Fever-land. Jacob still has a fever...four days and counting. Yesterday I thought it broke when he woke up and his medicine had already worn off, but no...the fever came back by lunchtime. It stuck around all night, and Craig got welcomed home from his road trip with a little overnight time in Jacob's room. He was awake way too early this morning, and still had a fever, too. Craig and I had decided to split the day, and I set up a doctor's appointment for Jacob this morning. I wanted to take him yesterday, but didn't since I thought the fever broke...and by the time it was back, the office was closed again. I heard from daycare that a kid in the adjacent toddler room called in with strep this morning, so then I got really nervous that that was Jacob's problem as well. But no, no strep, which means we just have to wait this one out. Great.
On the bright side, Jacob's still been okay. As long as he's medicated, his mood is good and his energy is high. It's just when it wears off that he gets whiny and he's disturbingly warm to the touch. He was pretty good at church yesterday and did well on an outing to get my netbook (which I'm using right now!). He's been running up and down the living room like usual, so I guess that's good. His eating has been up and down, but hopefully he's getting enough somewhere in there.
Like I've mentioned many times before, the pull of work vs. child is a tough one. It's one thing when you don't need to be with your child, but would like to. But it's another when you have to be with your child and can't do the other things you need to. Obviously my priorities and my heart are with Jacob, but I do have responsibilities to the people I work with, and it's hard when I can't take care of those. There's only so much I can do remotely, particularly with Jacob running around, so it's hard when I'm at home. And with a husband that's insanely busy, it's that much harder. It's not his fault; it's just how it is. We both have a lot on our plates, and days like today make that quite apparent. We did a midday switch downtown, and my day has been all downhill from there.
Before I left I gave Craig instructions to give Jacob medicine after his doctor's appointment, then lunch around 11:45, so he'd be ready to go in time to come to the city for the switch. Well, that didn't happen. How much of it was because Craig's phone was ringing off the hook for work vs. just spending too much time playing, I don't know. But all I know is that at 1pm, I had a catnapping child who hadn't yet had lunch and was in no position for a real nap. He was asleep in Craig's car and woke up during the switch, which I knew would mean problems come naptime. We came home and had lunch (considerably later than he usually eats), and then I tried to get him to go down around 2pm, an hour later than his usual home nap time, and an hour and a half later than his daycare naptime. And he proceeded to stay awake for an extra hour, with the last quarter of that spent crying. Ugh. He fell asleep shortly thereafter, though, which is good and bad. He needed the nap, particularly because he was up so early, but he's still sleeping at 4:30, which means that we're going to have an awkward wakeup and/or a hard bedtime. Yuck.
I know that today was a disaster for both of us, and I know Craig does the best he can. But it killed me that he didn't follow my instructions because it made the rest of my day much harder. I didn't just give him those instructions for fun...they're all part of a master plan. I was equally frustrated when he called me confused about giving Jacob medicine, almost using a real spoon instead of a perfectly measured syringe. Really?! Since when do we do that? And even if the syringe wasn't enough of a hint, wouldn't the measured cups that came with the bottles be enough? It's hard, because I always feel like I have to micromanage and do everything myself, and it's moments like that that seem to confirm it...but it's a bit of a circular problem, isn't it? I don't trust him to take the time to learn the process, so I do it, but he never learns to do it himself because I always do it. Then he does it wrong when he does have to do it, and it all starts over. But I'm the one that takes the time to have a master plan, and he's often too busy to suck it all in...and truthfully, most of the time he doesn't need to because I've got it handled. I have all of these evenings and weekends solo with Jacob, so of course I'm more ingrained in the process. It's tough all around. And when Craig has a lot of things pulling at him, it's no wonder it's all hard to manage. I don't blame him--though I do think he could try a little harder at focusing on and remembering certain things--because I know he's in a tough spot.
Did anyone watch Parenthood on NBC last week? There was a storyline where Crosby, the father of a kid he didn't know about until the child was five and has now been involved with for year, was accused by his fiancee, the child's mom, of making her into the bad cop. He didn't want to push his son to clean his room, and eventually was on the hard end of things when he did have to stand firm. I could certainly relate, because I often feel that Craig gets the better side of our parenting setup, at least from Jacob's perspective. I'm the one that forces down medicine, holds firm to naptime, and does more of the pushing to clean up and eat meals. He gets to play more often, does some of the mealtime prodding, the occasional bedtime and half of the middle of the night wakeups, but in general he's more lenient. I think, again, that it's a lack of innate knowledge of the master plan...I'm always trying to think a couple steps ahead (or know from experience how things go), and he's acting more in the moment. It's a tough balance. Again, it's not his fault--it's lack of practice and too much on his mind (darn job of his). And when he does have time with Jacob, I'm sure the last thing he wants to do is get on his bad side.
This has probably gotten a little rambling, but I guess I needed to vent. It's just hard when we're out of our routine and having to make do here and there. Everything suffers. It's hard to prioritize effectively all around, and I'm sure it brings out the worst in all of us--our weaknesses and shortcomings. I've ended up pretty cranky today, even though Jacob did eventually nap and somehow the work will get done. But seriously, could this evil virus just go away and leave us alone?
On the bright side, Jacob's still been okay. As long as he's medicated, his mood is good and his energy is high. It's just when it wears off that he gets whiny and he's disturbingly warm to the touch. He was pretty good at church yesterday and did well on an outing to get my netbook (which I'm using right now!). He's been running up and down the living room like usual, so I guess that's good. His eating has been up and down, but hopefully he's getting enough somewhere in there.
Like I've mentioned many times before, the pull of work vs. child is a tough one. It's one thing when you don't need to be with your child, but would like to. But it's another when you have to be with your child and can't do the other things you need to. Obviously my priorities and my heart are with Jacob, but I do have responsibilities to the people I work with, and it's hard when I can't take care of those. There's only so much I can do remotely, particularly with Jacob running around, so it's hard when I'm at home. And with a husband that's insanely busy, it's that much harder. It's not his fault; it's just how it is. We both have a lot on our plates, and days like today make that quite apparent. We did a midday switch downtown, and my day has been all downhill from there.
Before I left I gave Craig instructions to give Jacob medicine after his doctor's appointment, then lunch around 11:45, so he'd be ready to go in time to come to the city for the switch. Well, that didn't happen. How much of it was because Craig's phone was ringing off the hook for work vs. just spending too much time playing, I don't know. But all I know is that at 1pm, I had a catnapping child who hadn't yet had lunch and was in no position for a real nap. He was asleep in Craig's car and woke up during the switch, which I knew would mean problems come naptime. We came home and had lunch (considerably later than he usually eats), and then I tried to get him to go down around 2pm, an hour later than his usual home nap time, and an hour and a half later than his daycare naptime. And he proceeded to stay awake for an extra hour, with the last quarter of that spent crying. Ugh. He fell asleep shortly thereafter, though, which is good and bad. He needed the nap, particularly because he was up so early, but he's still sleeping at 4:30, which means that we're going to have an awkward wakeup and/or a hard bedtime. Yuck.
I know that today was a disaster for both of us, and I know Craig does the best he can. But it killed me that he didn't follow my instructions because it made the rest of my day much harder. I didn't just give him those instructions for fun...they're all part of a master plan. I was equally frustrated when he called me confused about giving Jacob medicine, almost using a real spoon instead of a perfectly measured syringe. Really?! Since when do we do that? And even if the syringe wasn't enough of a hint, wouldn't the measured cups that came with the bottles be enough? It's hard, because I always feel like I have to micromanage and do everything myself, and it's moments like that that seem to confirm it...but it's a bit of a circular problem, isn't it? I don't trust him to take the time to learn the process, so I do it, but he never learns to do it himself because I always do it. Then he does it wrong when he does have to do it, and it all starts over. But I'm the one that takes the time to have a master plan, and he's often too busy to suck it all in...and truthfully, most of the time he doesn't need to because I've got it handled. I have all of these evenings and weekends solo with Jacob, so of course I'm more ingrained in the process. It's tough all around. And when Craig has a lot of things pulling at him, it's no wonder it's all hard to manage. I don't blame him--though I do think he could try a little harder at focusing on and remembering certain things--because I know he's in a tough spot.
Did anyone watch Parenthood on NBC last week? There was a storyline where Crosby, the father of a kid he didn't know about until the child was five and has now been involved with for year, was accused by his fiancee, the child's mom, of making her into the bad cop. He didn't want to push his son to clean his room, and eventually was on the hard end of things when he did have to stand firm. I could certainly relate, because I often feel that Craig gets the better side of our parenting setup, at least from Jacob's perspective. I'm the one that forces down medicine, holds firm to naptime, and does more of the pushing to clean up and eat meals. He gets to play more often, does some of the mealtime prodding, the occasional bedtime and half of the middle of the night wakeups, but in general he's more lenient. I think, again, that it's a lack of innate knowledge of the master plan...I'm always trying to think a couple steps ahead (or know from experience how things go), and he's acting more in the moment. It's a tough balance. Again, it's not his fault--it's lack of practice and too much on his mind (darn job of his). And when he does have time with Jacob, I'm sure the last thing he wants to do is get on his bad side.
This has probably gotten a little rambling, but I guess I needed to vent. It's just hard when we're out of our routine and having to make do here and there. Everything suffers. It's hard to prioritize effectively all around, and I'm sure it brings out the worst in all of us--our weaknesses and shortcomings. I've ended up pretty cranky today, even though Jacob did eventually nap and somehow the work will get done. But seriously, could this evil virus just go away and leave us alone?
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Foiled!
One of the things that takes adjusting when you become a parent is that your life is no longer your own. Sure, you spend insane amounts of time doing things for your child--feeding them, rocking them, playing with them--and have to make lots of little adjustments, too. You need to get ready earlier because it always takes forever to get a baby/toddler dressed for outside, you need to build in more time for meals once your child self-feeds, and you need to build in time for naps and playing as much as you possibly can. Fortunately most of it doesn't happen all at once. Infants are all-consuming at times, yes, but you can usually put them in their seat and run errands while they nap, or multitask while they play in a bouncy seat, or whatever. Toddlers come with their own challenges, like needing a solid block of time for a good nap or needing to run off their boundless energy. But one thing that's always been among the toughest aspects for me is when your child's needs drastically change your plans. I find it hard to schedule errands in the evening because of our schedule, so usually my weekends are important for so many reasons. I need extra sleep, I need to run errands, I need to do things around the house, etc. I mentioned the other day that blocks of time on weekends are key because I can get a lot more done at once than doing a little here and there in the evenings. Jacob's nap time is especially important...yet here I sit blogging, but whatever :)
Anyway, this weekend Craig is on his first roadtrip of the season (Knighthawks opener is tonight in Minnesota), and I was planning on taking Jacob's to my parents for the weekend. My dad's birthday was yesterday (Happy Birthday, Dad!), so I figured it was good timing. We also didn't get to go there last weekend because I wasn't feeling great, so I was really looking forward to this weekend. Well, earlier in the week we noticed that Jacob's one ear was bright red. It was hot to the touch as well. The other one was totally fine, and he seemed just fine overall. I did some research on the internet and couldn't really find anything definitive. Some people have a recurring problem with it, with no official cause, and others said that their kids (mostly boys, go figure) get it sometimes too. Some did say that it happened when their kids got tired or when they were about to get a fever. Great. When I saw that his ear was still red on Thursday when I picked him up from daycare, I called the doctor. They said it was probably nothing as long as the ear wasn't swelled up. When I went to look, the ear wasn't red anymore. By bedtime, Jacob started feeling a little warm. I couldn't get much higher than a 99 on the thermometer, so I figured we'd see how he was in the morning. By morning it was the same and for the most part he seemed ok, so we sent him to daycare.
At 4pm I got a call that his temp was up to 102, so I had to leave work early to pick him up. Unfortunately, we had to go to Wegmans to pick up a couple essentials, so he had to suffer through that before we could go home. He had his moments but was generally fine. He ate his dinner well (who wouldn't with waffles?) and seemed okay until we got on the webcam with my parents. He started to get whiny and clingy during our chat, and pretty much stayed that way for the rest of the night. Around 7:30 I got him into his pjs and gave him some Tylenol. I was holding off on meds until bedtime because I only had Tylenol and didn't have Ibuprofen to overlap it with. I think the fever just started getting the best of him and he crashed. I let him fall asleep on me on the couch. I can't remember the last time he slept on me like that. Maybe last year when he was sick? It brought back memories of lots of chest sleeping naps back in the day, though. I let him sleep on me for a while but eventually took him up to his crib.
All was well until 1:30, his first wakeup. He wanted water, and I think that was when I gave him his next dose of Tylenol. I hoped that would get him through the night, but he was up around 3:30 wanting me to retrieve a lost stuffed animal that had fallen through the bars. At that time he started begging to come into bed with me, but I resisted. At 4am he woke up crying, and at that point I wanted to sleep, so in he came. Miraculously, he stopped talking fairly quickly and we both slept in until about 8:30, with a few brief wakeups from 7am on. Not bad. Unfortunately, he still had a fever this morning so the trip to Buffalo was out. His energy is good, though, so that's positive. I'm hoping the fever will break later today or early tomorrow. In the meantime, we did have to go back to Wegmans this morning (my doctor forgot to call in a prescription I needed today), so while we were there I got the Ibuprofen (he's now firmly into Children's medicines, rather than Infants), and I was able to bolster this morning's Tylenol with Ibuprofen to get him through his nap.
Since we're here all weekend I'm going to try to get down at least a sizable portion of the Christmas decorations and hopefully get some things done that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to do. I'd still rather be hanging out at my parents and letting Jacob entertain us all, but I'll have to make the best of it. It's just never easy when your child's issues get in the way of fun, particularly when they're sick. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone. So, while I work on avoiding having a pity party for myself, I hope everyone else has a good weekend :)
Anyway, this weekend Craig is on his first roadtrip of the season (Knighthawks opener is tonight in Minnesota), and I was planning on taking Jacob's to my parents for the weekend. My dad's birthday was yesterday (Happy Birthday, Dad!), so I figured it was good timing. We also didn't get to go there last weekend because I wasn't feeling great, so I was really looking forward to this weekend. Well, earlier in the week we noticed that Jacob's one ear was bright red. It was hot to the touch as well. The other one was totally fine, and he seemed just fine overall. I did some research on the internet and couldn't really find anything definitive. Some people have a recurring problem with it, with no official cause, and others said that their kids (mostly boys, go figure) get it sometimes too. Some did say that it happened when their kids got tired or when they were about to get a fever. Great. When I saw that his ear was still red on Thursday when I picked him up from daycare, I called the doctor. They said it was probably nothing as long as the ear wasn't swelled up. When I went to look, the ear wasn't red anymore. By bedtime, Jacob started feeling a little warm. I couldn't get much higher than a 99 on the thermometer, so I figured we'd see how he was in the morning. By morning it was the same and for the most part he seemed ok, so we sent him to daycare.
At 4pm I got a call that his temp was up to 102, so I had to leave work early to pick him up. Unfortunately, we had to go to Wegmans to pick up a couple essentials, so he had to suffer through that before we could go home. He had his moments but was generally fine. He ate his dinner well (who wouldn't with waffles?) and seemed okay until we got on the webcam with my parents. He started to get whiny and clingy during our chat, and pretty much stayed that way for the rest of the night. Around 7:30 I got him into his pjs and gave him some Tylenol. I was holding off on meds until bedtime because I only had Tylenol and didn't have Ibuprofen to overlap it with. I think the fever just started getting the best of him and he crashed. I let him fall asleep on me on the couch. I can't remember the last time he slept on me like that. Maybe last year when he was sick? It brought back memories of lots of chest sleeping naps back in the day, though. I let him sleep on me for a while but eventually took him up to his crib.
All was well until 1:30, his first wakeup. He wanted water, and I think that was when I gave him his next dose of Tylenol. I hoped that would get him through the night, but he was up around 3:30 wanting me to retrieve a lost stuffed animal that had fallen through the bars. At that time he started begging to come into bed with me, but I resisted. At 4am he woke up crying, and at that point I wanted to sleep, so in he came. Miraculously, he stopped talking fairly quickly and we both slept in until about 8:30, with a few brief wakeups from 7am on. Not bad. Unfortunately, he still had a fever this morning so the trip to Buffalo was out. His energy is good, though, so that's positive. I'm hoping the fever will break later today or early tomorrow. In the meantime, we did have to go back to Wegmans this morning (my doctor forgot to call in a prescription I needed today), so while we were there I got the Ibuprofen (he's now firmly into Children's medicines, rather than Infants), and I was able to bolster this morning's Tylenol with Ibuprofen to get him through his nap.
Since we're here all weekend I'm going to try to get down at least a sizable portion of the Christmas decorations and hopefully get some things done that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to do. I'd still rather be hanging out at my parents and letting Jacob entertain us all, but I'll have to make the best of it. It's just never easy when your child's issues get in the way of fun, particularly when they're sick. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone. So, while I work on avoiding having a pity party for myself, I hope everyone else has a good weekend :)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Randoms...
1) I am really tired today. Like, exhausted. I can hardly keep my eyes open at my desk. I'm not sure what the cause is. No, I'm pretty darn sure I'm not pregnant. I did have to wake up early this morning for an 8am doctor's appointment, which I'm sure didn't help. I'm certainly not getting enough sleep these days, dating back into the core of the holiday season. I did get some reasonable sleep here and there over my week off, but I suppose it just wasn't enough to catch up. I'm hoping I'm not coming down with something, and hoping even more it isn't something terrible, but it's probably just me not taking care of myself correctly. It's one of the ways parenthood screws with you, making you wonder just which one of the many, many options might be causing your latest ailment.
2) The aforementioned doctor's appointment was my annual visit to the OB/GYN. I only mention that because I find it funny that I still get warm fuzzies when I go there, thanks to all of those blissful pregnancy visits. I loved going there each month to get the latest update on the baby and hear the heartbeat, all without having to take off a stitch of clothing. Those visits in the final month or so were a tad less pleasant, but I suppose the stats on how much I was dilated/effaced kept those appointments interesting. But I really did enjoy that time a lot, enough to soften the blow of the annual visit. Incidentally, my doctor left the practice since last year, and since I wasn't really that attached to her, I'm sticking with the practice and need to pick a new doctor. Of course, I can't remember a darn thing about which doctors I liked when I had to see most of them during my prenatal visits. I do remember a couple that I didn't so much like (nothing major, just being picky), but between pregnancy brain and doctors coming in and out, it's taken me a lot of thinking to figure out which one I think I'm going to aim for next year. Of course, with any luck by the end of the year I'll get another chance to test out each one, since the practice purposely makes you see as many doctors as possible so you're familiar with whoever is on call when you deliver. Figures, then, that I ended up with one of two doctors I hadn't seen!
3) In case I forgot to mention it, Jacob has been pretty good lately. I know I mentioned that he was well-behaved around Kate, and I think I mentioned how nicely he played and snuggled when I wasn't feeling great on New Year's Day, but in general he's gone through a pretty good streak. It has still had its moments, of course, as he is still two, but as a whole he's been good. He's played nicely by himself, is at least manageable at mealtime, and doesn't constantly run away when I come to get him at daycare. He's put up a bit of a fight at bedtime ("Don't want Mommy to leave"), but shortly after the wail as I leave the room, he quiets right down and presumably falls asleep shortly thereafter. I haven't gotten any negative comments from daycare this week, though I've probably now jinxed that. I'm never sure whether time at home will make things better or worse. It might get him out of some bad habits, but screwing with his schedule is always a little dicey. Will he enjoy the time with us so much that he wants to behave better, or will he act out when he finally does have to go back to express his displeasure? Maybe he'll learn to appreciate the balance--his special time at home vs. the fun and engagement at daycare--or maybe he'll decide once and for all that he likes one better than the other. So far things seem to be going well, but we'll have to see if he slips back into old habits. In the meantime, though, it's been nice.
4) I'm hoping the next few months will fly by. I'm not trying to wish away precious moments, mind you, but lately time has really been flying and considering the next few months are the usually the most trying of the year, I'd like that trend to continue. If December can zoom by in a flash, why not January, February and March? I was thinking this morning how we really only have two months left of hardcore winter. Yes, it will still be cold and snowy in March, but at least by then we start to see peeks of spring--a few randomly warm days, less consistent snowfall and freezing temps--so there's hope on the horizon even if it does take two more months for good weather to come. We were so spoiled last year with summer weather (and leaves!) in April that I'm trying to keep my expectations low. The next few months also coincide with Craig's busiest time of year. The Knighthawks' season starts this weekend with his first roadtrip, and from there on out he's only got a couple off days here and there until late April. It's hard on Jacob and me, and even harder on Craig, so the sooner we can get past it, the better. And then it will be back to warm weather and more summer fun...
Finally, as your reward for surviving my random ramblings, here are a couple treats...
First, here's a picture of Jacob, asleep in his carseat on New Year's Eve. We put him in his pjs before we left the party, and just before we left, a partygoer handed out glow necklaces to all the kids. Jacob was playing with it in the car and put it on his head sometime before he fell asleep...and hence he became a sleeping little angel. A little angel with a mouth and fingers dyed orange from cheese puff dust, but an angel nonetheless.
And here is the crown jewel of things I captured with my camera over Christmas. As I mentioned, Kate was a little hesitant to get too close to Grandpa most of the time we were there, but the iPad broke some of the ice. As I mentioned, the iPad has an app that lets you make splashes in a fish pond and scare away the fish. I posted a picture of this a few days ago, but here's the video. It's pretty darn cute all around.
Doesn't get much better than that...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
More Baby Musings
Over the holidays, I found out that two friends of mine who were pregnant at the same time I was are expecting again. I am beyond happy for them, of course, though ever so slightly bummed about the fact that I wanted to be pregnant right now and could have once again been pregnant with them and had TWO kids the same age as them. Of course, neither of them live here, nor do we see them a lot. But still, it would have been nice. There's also at least one of my Facebook friends that falls into this category as well. And I also know a handful of other pregnant women. It would have been fun to do the ride with them, but I guess I'll just have to hope someone wants to get pregnant later this year and do it with me, whenever it happens. Just won't be any of these women, I suppose! As I've mentioned previously, I'm actually pretty much at peace about the whole thing--though these revelations certainly tested that a bit--and I've still come to the conclusion that it's a good thing we're not heading toward an imminent baby #2 right now. There's plenty to keep us busy in the meantime. Part of me puts myself in their shoes, thinking about being pregnant, doing the planning, dealing with the physical stuff, and whatever else, all while running after a very active two year old. Oy. In the next year and a half or so, prior to the arrival of proposed baby #2, I would like to replace the carpeting in two bedrooms, take down the border in one bedroom, get Jacob potty trained, transition him to a big boy bed, and potentially paint one bedroom depending on the gender of baby #2. That is plenty to do, and that's just the big stuff. I do like the thought of Jacob being a little older and more aware of things (and more able to help!) by the time a sibling would arrive. We'll also need the time to work on getting him on board with the whole idea. Everytime we bring up a sibling, Jacob says he doesn't want one. Super. I guess the kid knows he has it good. I always worry about how things will go with two kids, when I often don't feel like I have enough to offer one. How do you divide time and attention? I was happy to read on another blog today about a mom who was worried about adding a third baby, and even though that third baby has been very, very sick, she still feels like adding children to their family has enhanced the loving environment for the existing children. I hope that's the case with us someday as well.
One other thing I wanted to do before baby #2 was take Jacob on a halfway decent vacation. Originally we were thinking something along the Disney lines, but after the time with John, Kristin, & Kate, I think Disney can wait and a trip to Portland might be fun. We can obviously add other destinations out that way as well, but I think it would be great to get the kids together again before they forget each other. It would also solve the issue that was lingering in the back of my mind--What happens if we don't go to Disney until I'm already pregnant? I can't go through another pregnant trip there...not only because it's very disappointing, but it's also sort of a waste. What's the point of going there and not riding the rides I really want to go on--again? The last time was fine, as we had no way of knowing that would be the case when we booked it. It also served as a lovely last hurrah. But to purposefully do it again? No way. So, flying to Portland seems like a much better option at this point, and we'll figure out Disney later. But it's a long year and so much can happen, so I'm trying not to plan too far ahead. Perhaps I'll just keep hoping that our office shot at the Mega Millions jackpot pans out and we can do both. Ha! In the meantime I'll just enjoy watching from afar as my fellow mommy friends go through it all again, and hopefully benefit from their experience of wrangling two at a time once it's my turn. See, the benefits are endless!
One other thing I wanted to do before baby #2 was take Jacob on a halfway decent vacation. Originally we were thinking something along the Disney lines, but after the time with John, Kristin, & Kate, I think Disney can wait and a trip to Portland might be fun. We can obviously add other destinations out that way as well, but I think it would be great to get the kids together again before they forget each other. It would also solve the issue that was lingering in the back of my mind--What happens if we don't go to Disney until I'm already pregnant? I can't go through another pregnant trip there...not only because it's very disappointing, but it's also sort of a waste. What's the point of going there and not riding the rides I really want to go on--again? The last time was fine, as we had no way of knowing that would be the case when we booked it. It also served as a lovely last hurrah. But to purposefully do it again? No way. So, flying to Portland seems like a much better option at this point, and we'll figure out Disney later. But it's a long year and so much can happen, so I'm trying not to plan too far ahead. Perhaps I'll just keep hoping that our office shot at the Mega Millions jackpot pans out and we can do both. Ha! In the meantime I'll just enjoy watching from afar as my fellow mommy friends go through it all again, and hopefully benefit from their experience of wrangling two at a time once it's my turn. See, the benefits are endless!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Back to the Grind...
From the moment I left my office shortly after lunchtime on December 23rd, I knew this day would come all too fast. And sure enough, here I am back at work on January 3rd, still wishing I was off and doing pretty much anything else besides catching up on work and running into the usual work-related problems. Ugh. But I will say that the 10 days didn't fly by quite as quickly as I expected. I mean, usually week-long vacations fly by in an instant, and when I'm driving into work on my first day back, it feels like I never had a break. Today it felt like I hadn't done it in a while, which was nice. Even still, it felt all too familiar. But I know that I packed a lot into my time off, and some of the lazy-ish days that we spent just hanging out at my parents' house with the Portland contingent probably made the time stretch a bit. Without constant plans, the days just moved at a consistent pace, rather than flying by like vacation days tend to. And feeling not-so-great on New Year's Day forced me to spend a good portion of that day doing next to nothing, so I'm sure that contributed as well.
Regardless of how much or how little time I spend away, it's never enough. Too little time and I'm desperate for more, and too much time and I start to get pretty contented with spending time with Jacob and being productive around the house. Or perhaps it's just that I start to be productive and realize the dozens of other projects I'd really like to work on, too. And I do realize that my time off was nothing like the life of a stay-at-home mom. I had all of our holiday fun at the beginning, lots of help for the middle, then a day of daycare and a day with Craig around, and then a couple days of mostly quiet time at home. I know that if I stayed at home every day, it would be a lot harder and I wouldn't have quite the same freedom and the opportunities to break it up like I did over the past week or so. However, I still maintain that I am made to be a part-time stay-at-home mom. Oh, to always know that the day after a workday was a day off...rather than always considering the weekend my next possible chance to do anything productive. It's not that I can't do things in the evening--I do--but it's hard to get everything going at the same time most of the time. To get uninterrupted time, things generally have to happen after Jacob's in bed, which is usually by 9ish. Then I need to have the energy to do it, and no other day-to-day tasks that monopolize my time, or even cut away at it in chunks...because before I know it, I'm left with a short period of time before bed, and there's no sense starting a big project then, lest I get too involved and stay up way too late. I know that stay-at-home moms don't have uninterrupted time during the day either, save for naptime (which is all too tempting to use for a mommy nap as well), but the mere physical proximity to the house itself has to increase the odds of getting something done, even if it is all of those little tasks that normally chip away at my evening block, like dishes, coupon cutting, or bill paying. And if those things are done, then at least I could do what I like with my evenings. But in the meantime, I stare at the insurmountable list of shows on our DVR and wonder when I'm going to have the time and patience to start putting away the Christmas stuff--which, incidentally, I'm getting the urge to do much earlier than usual. Normally I'm completely content leaving stuff up until at least mid-January, but for some reason (the desire to find all of Jacob's toys a permanent home, perhaps?), I'm pondering starting the great take-down sometime this week, given the time and energy to do it.
Jacob's drop-off went about as expected today. He didn't want to go to daycare. He wanted to stay home, play with his toys, and hang out with Mommy and Daddy. Who wouldn't? It was a bit of a struggle getting his coat on, and then he whined to be carried in once we got there. I practically made him chase me down the hall so I didn't have to carry him, and then he kept hugging me when it was time to go. I didn't hear any cries when I finally left, but he was distracted with trying to track down breakfast and I knew he'd probably be fine five minutes later no matter what. He did well on his one day there last week, so I hoped that would help him readjust a little more quickly as well. Still, it's never any fun to leave your child when they're begging you not to. Let's hope it means he'll be so happy to see us tonight that he'll be a complete angel. Ha.
While part of me was looking forward to getting back in the swing of things and having some sort of structure and schedule, not quite enough of me was there to make this an easy transition. I mean, yes, we will fall back into our old routine no problem, but part of me was really enjoying the time away from everything--work, daycare, schedules, etc. I know that I need a little structure, as evidenced by my inability to plan and cook decent dinners since we got back from Buffalo, but I was really enjoying having a lot of time to just relax and hang out. I guess I don't do nearly enough of it.
This year I mark my fifth anniversary at my job. That means that I now get four weeks of vacation each year. This year I actually only get 19.5 days because it's my anniversary year and the time is prorated based on my start date, but even still...that's a lot of time that I know could get used up quickly. However, I want to think long and hard about it and really find ways to utilize it in the best possible way for everyone involved...me, Jacob, Craig, and anyone else whose world I can better by being present at any given time. Whether it's actually taking those mental health days, or taking a real vacation, or just using a few for fun things I wouldn't normally get to do, I want to make the most of them. But sometimes having a day of nothing isn't such a bad thing. And now that I'm back to the daily grind, it sounds better than ever...
Regardless of how much or how little time I spend away, it's never enough. Too little time and I'm desperate for more, and too much time and I start to get pretty contented with spending time with Jacob and being productive around the house. Or perhaps it's just that I start to be productive and realize the dozens of other projects I'd really like to work on, too. And I do realize that my time off was nothing like the life of a stay-at-home mom. I had all of our holiday fun at the beginning, lots of help for the middle, then a day of daycare and a day with Craig around, and then a couple days of mostly quiet time at home. I know that if I stayed at home every day, it would be a lot harder and I wouldn't have quite the same freedom and the opportunities to break it up like I did over the past week or so. However, I still maintain that I am made to be a part-time stay-at-home mom. Oh, to always know that the day after a workday was a day off...rather than always considering the weekend my next possible chance to do anything productive. It's not that I can't do things in the evening--I do--but it's hard to get everything going at the same time most of the time. To get uninterrupted time, things generally have to happen after Jacob's in bed, which is usually by 9ish. Then I need to have the energy to do it, and no other day-to-day tasks that monopolize my time, or even cut away at it in chunks...because before I know it, I'm left with a short period of time before bed, and there's no sense starting a big project then, lest I get too involved and stay up way too late. I know that stay-at-home moms don't have uninterrupted time during the day either, save for naptime (which is all too tempting to use for a mommy nap as well), but the mere physical proximity to the house itself has to increase the odds of getting something done, even if it is all of those little tasks that normally chip away at my evening block, like dishes, coupon cutting, or bill paying. And if those things are done, then at least I could do what I like with my evenings. But in the meantime, I stare at the insurmountable list of shows on our DVR and wonder when I'm going to have the time and patience to start putting away the Christmas stuff--which, incidentally, I'm getting the urge to do much earlier than usual. Normally I'm completely content leaving stuff up until at least mid-January, but for some reason (the desire to find all of Jacob's toys a permanent home, perhaps?), I'm pondering starting the great take-down sometime this week, given the time and energy to do it.
Jacob's drop-off went about as expected today. He didn't want to go to daycare. He wanted to stay home, play with his toys, and hang out with Mommy and Daddy. Who wouldn't? It was a bit of a struggle getting his coat on, and then he whined to be carried in once we got there. I practically made him chase me down the hall so I didn't have to carry him, and then he kept hugging me when it was time to go. I didn't hear any cries when I finally left, but he was distracted with trying to track down breakfast and I knew he'd probably be fine five minutes later no matter what. He did well on his one day there last week, so I hoped that would help him readjust a little more quickly as well. Still, it's never any fun to leave your child when they're begging you not to. Let's hope it means he'll be so happy to see us tonight that he'll be a complete angel. Ha.
While part of me was looking forward to getting back in the swing of things and having some sort of structure and schedule, not quite enough of me was there to make this an easy transition. I mean, yes, we will fall back into our old routine no problem, but part of me was really enjoying the time away from everything--work, daycare, schedules, etc. I know that I need a little structure, as evidenced by my inability to plan and cook decent dinners since we got back from Buffalo, but I was really enjoying having a lot of time to just relax and hang out. I guess I don't do nearly enough of it.
This year I mark my fifth anniversary at my job. That means that I now get four weeks of vacation each year. This year I actually only get 19.5 days because it's my anniversary year and the time is prorated based on my start date, but even still...that's a lot of time that I know could get used up quickly. However, I want to think long and hard about it and really find ways to utilize it in the best possible way for everyone involved...me, Jacob, Craig, and anyone else whose world I can better by being present at any given time. Whether it's actually taking those mental health days, or taking a real vacation, or just using a few for fun things I wouldn't normally get to do, I want to make the most of them. But sometimes having a day of nothing isn't such a bad thing. And now that I'm back to the daily grind, it sounds better than ever...
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