So...here we are. 2022 has arrived. I feel like I barely even acknowledged it. New Year's Eve itself was a bit of a dud. We ordered take out from Red Robin, played the new Connect 4 Shots, watched a movie and the ball drop, and otherwise just continued the very low-key existence of the rest of our break. We played with Carter's new toys, Jacob's gone to the gym a few times to shoot, and otherwise we just stayed home--lots of TV and movies, lots of phones, lots of late mornings, and lots of snacks. Despite all the down time, I still felt like I spent most of it doing busy work--dishes, laundry, cookie baking, grocery shopping, picking up the clutter--but I did my best to play with Carter when I could, and I think everyone else had some good down time. It's never enough, of course, and I know going back to real life is going to be rough.
As for the new year itself, I think our understated celebration just underscores our lack of faith in things getting better anytime soon. After hoping for a better year in 2021 and getting a huge mixed bag, I think I'm hesitant to put any expectations on this year at all. As a result, I'm not even really thinking about it being a new year. It doesn't seem like there's much to celebrate, or at the very least I'm hesitant to celebrate leaving anything behind when we don't know if what's ahead could be worse.
If I'm honest, I don't think we as a family had a bad year. Craig said something on New Year's Eve about it being a terrible year, and I know the end of his has really sucked because he's been on COVID patrol for his team, which has been exhausting. But overall, many things about this year were better. The kids got back to school full-time, we had opportunities to get back to "normal" work life while maintaining some better work-life balance, Jacob got back to more regular basketball, Carter got back on track at school, we graduated from family therapy, we finally had a decent vacation, I got a raise and promotion, and we had periods of time that almost felt normal. But considering what we thought this year would look like a year ago as vaccines were giving everyone hope, the year definitely didn't work out the way we'd hoped. There were still canceled parties, missing festivals, concerns with gatherings, more division than ever over COVID regulations, and real travel still felt very uncomfortable. Delta arrived in the summer and changed everything, and now omicron's making things even worse. It's just disappointing that we're not much better off despite all we've already been through.
While most years I'm a little sad we don't really have a crew to hang out with during this week for sledding or post-Christmas snack fests or New Year's parties like I see other people do on Facebook, this year I couldn't help but cringe every time I saw another set of party pictures get posted. All I could feel was that everyone gathering was taking a huge risk. Omicron is seemingly everywhere, and the farther we could stay from other people this week, the better I felt. For the few places we went, we were sure to mask, and for the most part we were never in the vicinity of any person for more than a minute or two. I guess I can't say for sure about Jacob's gym time since I wasn't there, but I can at least say I felt no need to test Carter prior to going back to school because he hadn't really been anywhere!
Craig had to test himself for work today per the league's new guidelines, and his was negative, so I'll take that as a good sign for the rest of us. However, it seemed like every hour today he was finding out about yet another person connected to the team who tested positive. There were a few who tested positive a few days after Christmas, but today's mandatory league testing brought another deluge. They'll be lucky to have enough players and coaches by next weekend's game--assuming it doesn't get canceled first. It just tells me that so many people have been gathering over the past couple weeks with people who were likely asymptomatic, and the odds are getting ever higher that we'll be in the wrong place at the wrong time at some point. I know schools are going to get treacherous, if only because of unmasked lunches, so I'm bracing myself for the kids to get it, or schools to go remote due to outbreaks, or for schools to close due to teacher shortages. It's incredibly nervewracking. The good news is we're all as vaccinated as we can get--or at least Carter and Craig will be up to full protection in another couple weeks. Craig felt terrible after his booster--he had a day of bad aches and multiple days of headaches. Carter, on the other hand, had nothing but a sore arm. Thank goodness, because it could have ruined his New Year's Eve due to my bad planning! My parents are supposed to be going on a cruise in another month, and while that alone makes me nervous, at the same time I guess getting COVID now would mean they can't go anyway, so it's a mess all around. Who'd have thought we'd still be in this terrible spot?
A local 17-year-old died of COVID this weekend. My high school friend is still in the ICU, getting slightly better but still with a very long road ahead--assuming no random complications get him first. It's sad and sobering. Are the odds low that we'd have issues? Sure, but odds didn't mean much to my second cousin who passed away. The sheer randomness of who is bad and who isn't should concern everyone enough to take a couple extra steps, particularly because past infection doesn't seem to exempt you from a new one. I think all of this plus a few other struggles on my mind--namely another high school friend (my age!) who had a stroke last week and the terrible wildfires that just destroyed almost 1,000 homes near Denver (a little too close for comfort to family)--has made for a bit of a tough "count your blessings" week or so. Yes, things are tough, but they could be so much tougher so I'm trying to savor as much of our relative normalcy as I can.
We no doubt have some challenges coming up--the rest of Craig's season, my department being extremely short-staffed, whatever COVID does to schools, and a couple big decisions to make for Jacob's future. We're still struggling with his basketball situation, and that could leave him in a situation to not only change schools, but also stay back a grade to maximize his basketball potential. I have so many feelings about that, but I know that's going to be a tough one.
I think this week I've just tried to empty my brain of everything as much as I could to just relax and try to enjoy the family time. We did get back to some of the sibling rivalry stuff again this week--they just can't leave each other alone when they have spare time--but I think we did our best to chill as deeply as we could. I know there's probably more I could have put in this post that I'm just blocking out because I just can't deal with it right now. I feel completely unprepared to get back in the groove tomorrow and I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting need to happen. After Christmas there's always a need for a break, both mental and physical, and I think we all took it to an extreme this week. Hopefully that's not a bad thing.
I wish I had high hopes for this year, but all I can do right now is hope that all these omicron cases give people some degree of immunity, hopefully with few severe cases or side effects to overburden hospitals or ruin lives, and cases go down sharply in the coming months. But now I know better than to assume we won't get another variant that could make things worse again. Our summer could be great, or it could be another lost opportunity. Our holidays are definitely a toss-up at this point. Maybe we'll get COVID, come through fine, and feel more confident to do more (at least until another variant works around that immunity). But I've seen too much to assume things will be that simple. Nothing about this has been simple and the weight keeps getting heavier. Even if we're doing fine, there's a mental toll to all of this due to the sheer duration and mental energy it takes to constantly weigh safety concerns vs. mental and physical health. A friend asked on Facebook what would constitute a "better" year, and it's a question I've asked myself since this started--what will make things feel better? My only answer was that there would have to be significantly more resemblance to pre-pandemic life--kinder, gentler people, less illness, a return to more activities that we once loved. I thought being back to school and work would make a huge difference, and while they helped, it wasn't enough. Our summer trip helped, but it wasn't enough because we're still waiting for that trip to Disney to feel safe. Our vaccines helped for a while, but they no longer protect others and are now merely a small personal insurance policy as we wait for our inevitable illness and quarantine to strike. It's sobering and it's sad, even amidst the many blessings we've had over the past year.
I don't know what 2022 will hold, and I honestly don't even want to think about it right now. We're back to taking things day by day and hoping for the best. I hope in a year we can say it was "better", but if I was picking a theme word for the year, "confidence" would definitely not be it. I hate to think it would be "survival" but that's what's jumping out right now. However, as one of my favorite bands says, "I want to thrive, not just survive." We've got a long way to go to get back to that, but all we can do is hope...very carefully.
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