Well, the best news to finish off 2020 is that all three of our tests came back negative. We're not necessarily 100% in the clear yet, technically, but I think based on circumstantial evidence, we're pretty close. If we made it through the period where Jacob was the most contagious, and none of the three of us are showing symptoms or testing positive two full weeks later, that seems pretty close to me. Per Carter's doctor, it sounds like we should all be isolating for 10 full days past Jacob's "all-clear" date, which was Sunday. That means Carter can't go back to in-person school until his second in-person day on Friday. Admittedly we haven't really been isolating when it comes to quick errands and stuff because we just tested negative and I'd have to think if it wasn't already detectable, it won't be. Or, on the off-chance it would, that levels would still be so low that we wouldn't be contagious while masked. We're still keeping it to a minimum where we can, though. That said, and given that we are going to Buffalo this weekend to finish Christmas, I'm hoping to somehow get a rapid test on Friday before I leave for Binghamton next Saturday, just to be extra safe. But it's a good sign, if nothing else.
As I was driving to pick up part of our New Year's Eve dinner tonight, I thought about this year and all the recollections people have been posting on social media. I realized that while it was a really hard year, I probably wouldn't call it our worst. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was HARD. We missed so much and faced challenges we never could have imagined. But at the end of the day (or the year, as the case might be), we're all still standing. I feel like we've faced far worse losses and challenges over the past many years, like deaths and ongoing illness, serious behavior issues and difficult life changes. I had a solid couple years where I was at such a loss with Jacob's behavior that I was on the verge of tears almost all the time. We both had our fathers go through open heart surgery. We lost three uncles far too young. Jacob's Celiac diagnosis changed our lives forever. We went through about a five-month span six years ago where someone was constantly sick, from Craig's shingles to my recurring pinkeye, to numerous viruses, stomach bugs, and even a nasty rash. Oh, and I lost my job in the middle of that, too. So I feel like those things were so much worse than this year, which was mostly just generally stressful compounded by the lack of fun. We're coming out of it a bit more tired (although better rested, oddly), a bit burned out and frustrated, but we're intact, we're currently healthy, and there's nothing seriously wrong that wasn't already an issue a year ago. The boys' incompatibility has been an issue for years, but we just had to deal with it more this year because we had considerably more togetherness than usual. So while that has exhausted us, no doubt, I still feel thankful that we remained relatively unscathed by everything that happened this year. And with all the things that could have gone wrong, most had minimal impact. Heck, this is the first year in recent memory without a funeral, and God knows our country has seen a lot of that this year. So, to review this crazy year, here's my bottom five and top five, in no particular order:
Bottom Five:
1) We missed family - Having to miss out on most major holidays was a bummer. We've missed seeing family and celebrating those holidays in a way we've become accustomed to. We also missed our random weekend trips and some family parties. I hate that I haven't met my cousin's three-month-old yet, and we're missing out on other babies (and one on the way) during some of their most fun phases.
2) Sibling rivalry - If I was actually ranking in order, this would have a solid chance to be #1. It has been the one thing that has completely exhausted us on top of the ever-present COVID stress. I've written about this plenty, but suffice it to say that being stuck in the house most of the time with two kids that don't get along and have very few diversions does not make for the peaceful respite home is supposed to be. The sub-theme of this one is that the screen time battle has been hellish--at times serving to minimize their interactions, and at other times making the problem worse since Jacob takes it upon himself to try to break Carter of the habit. Neither is good.
3) COVID stress - Trying to adjust to the entire outside world feeling dangerous has been stressful. Wegmans trips used to completely exhaust me when I worried I could catch COVID there and when so many things were still out of stock. Even now, when something as simple as seeing your parents is potentially deadly, it introduces all of these challenging decisions you never thought you'd have to make. The ever-present stress of the news and CDC updates and stories from friends over social media just amps up your general anxiety level, and adjusting to living like that every day is hard.
4) Home school - Spring was the worst, since the direction was limited and everything was remote. Fall has been better with Jacob in school most of the time (and very occupied when he's home), but Carter's homeschooling has been borderline disastrous--although it's sad to say that I know we're still in the top echelon of effective home schoolers in his class. He's a very challenging student and it's likely damaged our relationship because we have to push so hard. I know both kids are missing out on a lot of aspects of normal life (like building solid friendships) because of all the safety measures and distancing.
5) Lack of adventure - I think one of our biggest challenges mentally is the lack of memory-making adventures and escapes from our close confines. We were supposed to tour much of New York State this spring for Jacob's travel basketball, and that never happened. We were hoping to figure out how to get to Disney, and that never happened. We usually go to Buffalo so much more, travel to Toronto once in a while, and find other fun things to do when we need a change of scenery. We were limited to mostly day trips in a very small radius (and no border crossings), which kept our memory-making to a minimum. We had fun at Niagara Falls and Watkins Glen, and I loved my outdoor adventures with Carter, but even little things like the pumpkin patch had to be big things this year. While we all need a vacation, I also know Craig and I could really use a getaway ourselves. The structure of our home life means we have very little time together where we're not dealing with kids or already exhausted, and we could really use more time to connect without the kids constantly interrupting. "Alone" in any form is rare right now. Regardless, we'll all have a lot of catching up to do when all of this is over.
Top Five:
1) Our ability to adapt - Even if it wasn't easy, I'm pretty amazed at how we've adjusted to our new normal. Wearing masks everywhere, odd school procedures, working from home, and limiting our outings have all been challenges to adjust to, but we've done it. Working from home was a particular challenge for me, and somehow by month six it became much more routine. I still don't love it and I miss my co-workers, but I've come to appreciate the lack of a commute and the flexibility it affords. My co-workers and I have also remarked how our relationships have gone to a different level during this time since we're inevitably opening up about our home lives and our struggles because we're all still immersed in it while we're working all day. You can only ignore home lives for so long when you're on countless video calls, and commiserating about pandemic-related struggles has become the norm in order to keep our sanity. While we shared to some degree in the office, this has taken it to a completely different level. That never would have happened otherwise. On the home front, I've also gotten pretty good at meal planning in advance to limit my grocery trips and I also feel I'm more efficient with my errands. The kids seem pretty well-adjusted considering the impact on their social lives (well, Carter's screen addiction aside), and we have continued to find our way through this very challenging time better than I would have expected.
2) Reconnecting to the outdoors - We had a blast in the pool over the summer and gave it far more use than it's had in multiple previous summers combined. The kids both loved it, and I tried to make the most of my five weeks off to be out there with them. I loved my flowers and my garden, and finally took some time to take care of some things in the yard, like the dying trees we cut down and making little improvements around our flower beds and pool filter. My daily check-ins on my zinnias were a peaceful highlight, and I spent more time on the porch than I ever have. Finally, since outdoor outings were safest, most of my favorite memories for the year took place out in nature, from Niagara Falls and Watkins Glen, to Stony Brook and other local parks. I'm not sure the rest of the family enjoyed it as much as I did, but it was nice while the weather cooperated. Heck, even my outdoor jogs counted as a pleasant escape this year. This all forced us to see and do some new things this year just because our options felt limited, and for that I'm grateful.
3) Nothing got as bad as it could have - Craig could have been laid off and wasn't. I was furloughed for five weeks but it took place while the federal unemployment benefit was still active, so I didn't really lose any money and essentially got five free weeks of vacation. Jacob got COVID but barely had symptoms, and none of us caught it. We also figured it out in time to prevent anyone else from getting it over Christmas, and it didn't prevent us from having a pretty decent holiday. Locally our cases have been pretty manageable, so once we got over the fear of the initial unknowns, life felt borderline normal for months and still feels at least tolerable. While Jacob didn't get to do his travel season as planned, he did get to finish off one season, almost finished a second, and found ways to keep playing basketball all along. We could have two kids fully at home for school like so many districts around the county, but only have one half at home. And while neither love school, both have kept up their learning pretty well. Jacob even made high honor roll. Overall, there were a lot of things that could have gone very wrong and didn't. We were very lucky.
4) There were still good moments - Despite all the challenges, there have been good things happening everywhere. We went to a wonderful wedding, and have a belated celebration of another one still to come. Two more cousins got engaged. Three cousins had babies and another has one on the way. My friend's 10-year wait for a baby was finally rewarded, and I get to be the godmother! We got to have a mostly normal Thanksgiving, and managed to have small parties for both boys' birthdays. My parents hit their 50th anniversary, and while we didn't get to celebrate as we would have liked, what we ended up doing still turned out pretty cool. Craig and I got two real date nights, which were much needed. We finally got our plumbing issues fixed and upgraded our bathroom. It wasn't the year we hoped for, but it's nice to know that when most of life feels a bit frozen in time, there was still a lot of living going on.
5) Perspective and the simple things - I think if nothing else, we've developed a better sense of what's important in life and realized that simple things can be very important. Jacob's brush with COVID definitely changed my perspective on an "acceptable" Christmas when we stayed healthy and had all we needed for a good day. I feel like a lot of the little problems seem even littler when you realize that all the big stuff is still okay. We may have issues with our house, but we have a house, we like it, and we have all we need to make it comfortable for our extended time here. Jacob's illness was unfortunate, particularly with the timing, but we still felt incredibly lucky that it was minimal and we avoided the rest of us getting sick. With all of the stuff that could have gone wrong and didn't, it was easier to keep a positive attitude knowing that others were not as lucky and would give anything to be in our position. We found pleasure in simple entertainment like TV and movies, outdoor time, and even board games. When I reflected on this year earlier tonight and found myself not thinking it was the worst year ever, I felt like part of that was because all of the big bases were covered: We were ultimately healthy in our cozy home, with all of our loved ones intact. We have all the material things we need, we have plenty of money in the bank, and things are relatively steady as a whole. When those things are covered, it's hard to upset about much else.
2021 is just over an hour away now, and I know we'll all be waving a less-than-fond farewell as 2020 goes. It sure had its moments, but I think we're all ready for some fresh ones. Let's hope we only improve from here. Happy New Year!
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