Ghosts of Decembers Past

I've had a number of memories pop up in my feed and my mind these past couple weeks.  A trip to Portland to meet my nephew.  A weekend in Montreal for a lacrosse game.  Our work Christmas party weekend at the indoor water park in Niagara Falls.  The last trip Craig and I took before Jacob was born.  All of those memories have little Christmas memories tied to them.  In Portland we decorated the tree and went to Zoo Lights.  Old Montreal had pretty Christmas lights and bitter winter cold.  The water park weekend had a Christmas party and my morning "moment of Zen" with Christmas lights overlooking the falls on my walk to grab breakfast.  Our Florida trip was full of fun Disney Christmas decorations and Christmas shopping in the parks' shops.  And that's not even touching on the real Christmas-related memories, like the work parties and Christmas concerts and photo shoots near the tree.  All of those things collectively make up our sweet memories of Christmas seasons past--the things we did at different times over the years to prepare for the big day.  I've thought about just spending the holiday looking back at old Christmas pictures and remembering all those great moments in an attempt to mask the fact we're not making as many new memories this year, but I honestly don't know if that will make things worse.  I guess maybe we can at least be grateful for all the good Christmases we've had.

This year those memories feel especially precious, and almost surreal.  It's been so long since we were able to do anything even close to that and seeing them now is bittersweet.  I'm so glad we were able to do those things, but our lack of similar experiences this year is hard.  I feel almost powerless to do anything that might compete with the joy those moments brought.  We can't travel far and we shouldn't do any indoor activities.  I know people say that it's just a matter of making new memories, but as I've shared previously, so many of our memories are tied to family, and some Christmas t-shirts, cinnamon rolls, hot cocoa and presents feel like they're only going to do so much.  Maybe the kids (and possibly even us) will look back on this year with sentimentality because it will be much simpler than usual.  I will say that the lack of stress from the 7-10 extra gifts I'd likely be buying for extended family gatherings has been a nice break in an otherwise stressful year, but I'd still gladly trade it for the real deal.  Maybe years down the road we'll be able to look back and feel okay about it, but right now it's so far below any expectations we might have had a year ago.

Add to it that the world is so divided about gatherings and it just makes it harder.  On one hand, I understand that the loneliness of isolation can be worse than the disease.  On the other, gatherings are known to cause a high percentage of infections, which not only make people ill and can lead to long-term consequences or death, but can also spread it further in communities that are already struggling with overfilled hospitals, overworked essential employees, and economically damaging shutdowns.  And as a reminder, it's not just happening here.  Germany canceled most of its Christmas markets, for pete's sake.  That is a staple of life there, and most towns--even those with the largest, most elaborate setups--are down to some lights in the town square and maybe a booth or two if they're lucky.  So many are sacrificing right now, far beyond our county, state, or country borders.  So what do we do now?  I think we all have to make decisions that are right for us, but I hope those decisions always involve precautions.  If you must see that elderly relative, mask, make the hugs brief, and talk six feet apart.  If you must gather and eat unmasked, try to minimize outings for the week or two prior and keep distance if you can.  If you're okay just doing Zoom for your own sanity and safety, do that.  Families have to make their own choices because this is definitely not a one-size-fits-all scenario, but I hope we can all do it with the knowledge that it's far too easy to spread this virus undetected and we don't want to regret our choices come next Christmas, or January for that matter.  

***************

I started to write this post the other night, and sure enough, tonight Jacob is sneezing and has a low fever.  I'd have to think this puts any Christmas travel firmly in jeopardy.  Assuming he can get a test promptly, which hasn't been the case lately, I'm not sure we'd get the results in time anyway--let alone whether we should actually trust them enough to go even if they're negative.  Looks like we have a lot of decisions to make.  Thankfully the vast majority of my Christmas shopping is done--all gifts are bought except a couple things we'd need if we travel and maybe a couple bonus things for the kids, and I have ingredients to make cinnamon rolls and a couple sets of Christmas cookies at the very least, which should keep the kids happy.  I have no idea how we'll eat all week if we can't go out--online grocery ordering scares me--but I guess we may find out.  This is definitely not how I thought Christmas week would go, but I guess if there's a year to be home sick, this is it--a lot less stuff to miss!

So, as if missing Christmases of the past wasn't enough, things just got a little crazier and what little we had left might have just slipped through our fingers.  What I wouldn't give for some of the usual Christmas stress right now.  I really don't like this new kind.  

So, just for a moment, let's go back...

The Christmas light show at Disney Hollywood (then MGM) Studios in December 2007

Us at Canada in EPCOT...I was 11 weeks pregnant. Ha, we had no idea what was ahead!

Baby Jacob's impromptu photo shoot under the tree in 2008

In Portland with my niece Kate after she helped decorate the tree, December 2011

Zoo Lights in Portland

Lighted trees in Old Montreal in December 2012

Jacob's school toy soldier performance in first grade, December 2014

Our trip to the indoor waterpark in 2018

One of the views on my morning walk in Niagara Falls

Our family photo from that Niagara Falls Christmas party

Carter's toy soldier performance last year

And that's all just from the weeks leading up to Christmas.  I haven't even begun to dig into Christmas itself!  Maybe that'll be something to do when we're stuck at home in the coming days?  Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers...we might need them!