When I was a kid, I was fine with the classroom Valentine exchange, but I'll be honest--even then I was probably more in it for the class party and snacks. Any sort of break from learning was appreciated, especially with treats. When I got a little older, let's say around Jacob's age, the stakes got a little bigger and decidedly more awkward. At that point I wanted a real Valentine, and probably made myself crazy reading into how my current crush wrote his Valentine to me. Was it like everyone else's Valentines, or was it special? Of course, my success in the love department during my middle school years was not great, so I think I just had to lean back on the class party and snacks for any sort of enjoyment.
In high school I entered an entirely new level of hell, because our high school did a carnation sale. Everyone bought carnations for their friends (white) and their love/crush (red). I'm pretty sure watching the homeroom deliveries go down freshman year probably changed my brain chemistry and made me desperate for one the next year, and oh man, what a mess that was. I actually just told Jacob this story the other day, presumably to make a point about love gone wrong or something like that. Or maybe I just asked if his school seemed to be doing anything, and then explained why it sucked that mine did.
My sophomore year, I had a massive crush on the guy who sat next to me in English. He was adorably geeky and super smart. He took multiple foreign languages (just like me), and I found his intelligence very attractive. This guy ended up being our valedictorian (no surprise to anyone) and is to this day incredibly successful. He actually just stepped down as CEO of a very successful company just because he had the right person to hand over the reins to (though he's still involved), and is taking a break by traveling until his next steps become clear. He's pretty incredible--though I'd venture a significantly different type of person than he was back then. But anyway...I had a massive crush on him. About a week or so out from Valentine's Day, two of my best friends let me know that someone was going to be sending me a red carnation. This was a BIG deal to a girl who really, really, really wanted a boyfriend, and I immediately guessed it had to be him because there wasn't really anyone else floating out there at the time. Well, ultimately I was right, but my friends spent the next week trying to convince me (read: lying to me) about who was sending it, which turned into this awful thing because it really wasn't fun anymore when the two options were a) your friends are lying to your face (even if it's for a good cause), or b) there's some mystery guy out there that you're totally not into and you'll probably look like a jerk if you don't respond appropriately. Neither was a good option, so suffice it to say that it was awkward and annoying. Well, on the day the flowers got delivered, that guy (and my friends) were actually out of school for an all-county band event. I got a bunch of carnations that day--one silly decoy, one apology from my friends, and one incredibly adorable sweet note from the guy. I think I still have it, in fact. The plan was that we'd meet up at the school dance that night, but that was horrifying to me because I'd never really gone to one and didn't know what to wear, nor did I know how to dance. So the whole thing again ended up really awkward and our one slow dance (which took a lot of convincing) looked like the super-stereotypical, awkward, leave-room-for-the-Holy-Spirit first dance. Ugh. Still, I think it ended okay, only over the weekend I got tipped off to the fact that while everyone was at all-county band all weekend, that it came out that maybe he wasn't so interested in moving beyond friendship. So, on Monday (actual Valentine's Day) when he was back in school, it was (again) super awkward and I was crushed. That crushing lasted a long time, too. Even though we managed to be friends again, I'll estimate it took a solid 18 months for the hurt and the crush to totally go away, and even then I had weak moments when he'd be exceptionally sweet (just because that's how he was--not because he was leading me on or anything). I never really understood what happened, though in college it turned out he was actually gay, so maybe that was part of it. I didn't get drunk enough at my 10th high school reunion to ask the question, so perhaps now I'll never know. But suffice it to say, it set the stage for being rather guarded about this holiday for years to come.
Valentine's Day actually changed everything in college, as it was the first night Mary and I attended an InterVarsity large group meeting, which redirected the rest of our college careers. It was a little weird to go to an all-girls party off-campus afterward, and even weirder when a bunch of the single boys shaved their heads in a comedic protest of the holiday and dropped off the hair on the front porch of the house we were at. Despite the immense weirdness of that, we stuck around, and those friendships were the core of our entire college experience. One of those shaved head guys even ended up being a very dear college boyfriend, as well! But even with those great friendships, most Valentine's Days spent with the girls left me feeling a bit empty, particularly once a lot of the girls our age were coupled off and spent that evening with their guys. I did get flowers from a guy one year, but even those were awkward because I wasn't that into him!
Onward into adulthood and my early years with Craig, we did the usual dinner thing and struggled through finding appropriate gifts that didn't seem too cliched. But it was fine. Heck, some years we even had to work that evening, so we didn't really have a choice. And celebrating Valentine's Day on another day just seems weird...though I'm sure I insisted on it at some point.
Then, like I said, kids made it even harder. Seven years ago, Valentine's Day officially became synonymous with my worst pregnant day ever, as I was exhausted and completely uncomfortable with baby pressure. I slept terribly, worked through sciatica and pressure, then sat on a hard metal bleacher watching Jacob finish his six-week soccer stint. By the time we went to dinner at Friendly's, I could barely eat or sit comfortably at the booth. I also noticed some blood when I went to the bathroom, and got a little excited that this might be it--though I definitely did not want a Valentine's Day baby so I was hoping things held off. Even still, I could barely finish dinner and even ended up taking my Happy Ending sundae to go, just so I could get home and lay down. And I woke up the next morning feeling pretty good, so imagine my surprise when my water broke at my desk and I had a baby in my arms less than 12 hours later! But I will never forget that day...or how mind-blowing it felt to eat my leftover Friendly's sundae three days later when I got home from the hospital, realizing everything had changed since the night I ordered it.
Since then, Valentine's Day has been merely a speed bump to get to Carter's birthday. It's just one more thing I have to do amidst birthday prep, busy weeks at work, the 100th day of school, and whatever else falls during this time. And you know what, I think things have come full circle, because I think I'm just back to hoping for a little food and a mental break from work to celebrate the day. Our office actually had our thing yesterday (and I had to miss it for an event I was working), but you can bet that the leftovers and a goodie bag from my boss were all I needed to give the day a boost.
As for us, the kids each got a little bag of fun candy, and I stocked up Craig with a couple treats, too. They gave me roses and a DVD movie. We went out to dinner, mostly for Carter's birthday since his party takes over dinner tomorrow. I did manage to do one of those Pinterest-y things for the last two weeks--I wrote up hearts with things that are special about each kid and added one to their bedroom door each day. Both boys got compliments on their basketball skills. A lot of Carter's are about being silly, creative, cuddly, and a good runner, and Jacob's are about his passion, abilities, and how I appreciate the little things he does for me. The last few days were reminders of their place in our family and how much they are loved by God and us. I'm not sure they appreciated it as much as I'd hoped (I was hoping for Advent calendar enthusiasm, but not quite), but hopefully they're just internalizing it all and know how much they are loved.
The rest of tonight has been a mad rush to prepare for Carter's birthday and party tomorrow. There's still a lot to do, but we're getting there. I can't wait to celebrate our newly-minted seven-year-old...and then maybe relax a little after a very busy week!
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