Lucky number 7! I simply can't believe you're seven years old! In some ways it seems like you've been here forever and I can barely remember what it was like to have one kid. But in other ways it seems like just yesterday that I was giantly pregnant and super uncomfortable for those last few weeks. The snow we had last weekend brought back memories because we had another snowstorm around that same time the year you were born. We had a lot of snow and Dad was on the road (and Jacob had a stomach bug), so I was hoping like crazy that you'd just stay in there for a bit longer. You didn't wait too much longer, mind you, but it was long enough!
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| That was an 8-foot tall tree, completely bent over! |
To think that was all seven years ago is amazing, and that tiny little baby we brought home a week or so later is now a legit big kid. I do miss those days. You were the sweetest baby, the happiest little kid, and such a sweet little buddy for so long. It breaks my heart to know those happy-go-lucky little kid days are over for us, but I know having big kids has benefits, too. Just keep the hugs going and I think we'll be fine, okay?
I feel like Jacob seemed a lot older at seven, but you two are so different and I'm sure him being the oldest and you being the youngest probably impacted the amount of "babying" you each received. I think part of the difference is that he's always been very driven about the things that he was interested in, whereas you just sort of take life as it comes. At seven he was actively playing sports every chance he got and creating elaborate toy setups, so he probably seemed a lot more independent. But you're content to watch a show, play an electronic game, or casually play with some toys when the other two aren't an option, and you prefer to do all of it with company (usually Dad). You were usually an easy-going baby and toddler, so I guess this is the big kid version--content to play whatever with whoever is around. The extra dependence probably makes you seem younger than your brother did, but I guess we should just be grateful you still like having us around!
I've felt more than ever in this last year that you're becoming more of a puzzle. I'm totally not sure where you're headed in life or what kind of person you will become. With your brother there was no question that sports would be a part of his life, but you are definitely a wild card. My sweet little boy has definitely evolved into a more challenging kid who likes to test and sneak a bit more than I'd like, but I can't figure out if it has to do with an evolving personality, challenges with your brother, too much electronics, or something else. Your friendships seem a bit odd--hot and cold at times, though often I think the "cold" is your perspective, since one friend you insist isn't one anymore keeps begging for a playdate (sorry, one of these days Jacob's basketball schedule will let us plan more than a day in advance), and another seems perfectly friendly in passing. You still don't like school, but you seem to like reading more when you're there, so I'll take it. You've improved so much with that, by the way, which is a bit of a relief. Still hoping to get you to be a real reader, but with how energetic and antsy you are, getting you to sit might be even more of a challenge than it was for your brother! His overactivity was mostly in his brain, but yours seems to be all-around--body *and* mind most of the time. It can be a lot to manage, especially at this time of year when outside isn't the easiest place to play. You love to run, and I think right now you're just tolerating basketball so you have a place to do it twice a week.
Despite your need to move, electronics are the one thing that gets you to sit still. They were an issue at this time last year and are still a problem, but I can say I've gotten less shy about flat-out banning them at times, which forces you to work that imagination. The other day I even found you reading books! I'm doing everything I can to maximize your toy time while you're still young enough, but keeping up the energy to hold you to it isn't always easy because you're always gravitating toward the screens! You like to talk about your games, shows, and Minecraft builds a lot, which isn't always easy for my attention span, but I'm trying! I can tell there's a lot of creativity in your brain, and it's so much better used away from electronics, but I keep hoping maybe someday all this screen time will lead you to your passion--and hopefully it's lucrative!
The good news about the screen time is that it keeps you away from your brother, as your battling has possibly gotten even worse this last year. There is a magnetic force that keeps you both going after each other. One second you're in different rooms, and the next you're all over each other for no apparent reason. It's hard to determine who starts it, because usually you're the first to lash out physically, but it's not unlikely that Jacob said something that set you off. Sometimes the littlest brush of an arm or a seemingly innocent comment gets one of you going, then then it's all out war. As a result, both of you will always blame the other, so trying to get to the bottom of your battles is impossible. To make matters worse, neither of you seems able to make decisions to avoid getting into these messes in the first place, nor is anyone willing to step aside until someone's hurt or miserable. It's exhausting and it hasn't made for the best home life lately. I know that's probably not enhancing your personality development in any sort of good way--it only seems to make you more defensive and frustrated when we're upset or you feel like Jacob is getting away with something.
I worry a bit because you're not the super happy kid you once were, and I'm not sure how to manage your moods. I suppose it's inevitable, but I sort of figured we'd be able to wait for the tween years before the real moodiness set in. You have good moments, for sure, but it's a lot harder to find pure joy in you these days. You're very evasive with grownups and try to keep a poker face at all times when other adults are around. Not sure how to ease you out of that or find the kid whose smile used to charm strangers at Disney and Wegmans, but hopefully he's still in there somewhere. Sometimes as a parent it's hard to know what's just growing up and exerting independence vs. something more, and most days I'm still not sure with you. Regardless, I'm just sorry that I wasn't able to protect you from all the things that created this hardened shell you seem to carry with you now.
The last two weeks I've been putting hearts on your door leading up to Valentine's Day with all the things we love about you or want you to remember about yourself. You got so mad at me last weekend that you not only threatened to rip them down but also insisted they weren't true because your punishment proved I didn't love you. Ugh. I seriously thought we'd have a few more years before you tried to use my own words against me, so clearly we're going to have our work cut out for us when the tween years really hit! I hope you know that I love you so much, no matter the punishment I just laid down or the injustice you think you're experiencing. In the end I'm trying to do it all for your own good, but I know sometimes I'll make mistakes, too. We're both learning, I guess.
But no matter how frustrated I get, most nights I'm still content to lay down next to you at bedtime and get in a good snuggle. I think that's sort of the definition of unconditional love, right? To have someone make you crazy all day but to still be drawn to be near to them at the end of the day anyway because they still hold your heart. I can't imagine my life without you, and I hope this year is your best yet! I love you so much!
Love,
Mom
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