- Two days later and I'm still annoyed about the end of Toy Story 4. Jacob might be more annoyed than me, because he keeps bringing it up! Spoiler alert: If you haven't seen it, at the end Woody leaves Bonnie's crew of toys to stay with long-lost love Bo Peep. While the true love story is lovely and it's clear that he wasn't Bonnie's favorite toy any longer, I have issues with this decision. First, kids are fickle, and just because Bonnie hadn't played with him a few times in a row doesn't mean she wouldn't next week. Andy explained how important he was to her, so for him to be a cast-off seems pretty sucky. Second, the entire premise of the last movie was about sticking with your kid no matter what, and all the movies generally have a "no man left behind, we all stick together" mentality...but then suddenly Woody willingly leaves his kid and all his friends? I understand he felt that he fulfilled his purpose, but still...it didn't settle well with me (or Jacob). Fun movie otherwise, though.
- I'm tired. Today was the first of two mornings where Craig is out of town and it behooves us to get Jacob on the bus at 6:30am, so I can still leave work a bit early and only have him home alone after school for about an hour. My alarm went off at 5:45am this morning so I could ensure that Jacob heard his alarm and get him moving, make his lunch, tie his tie, gel his hair, put some clothes on myself, and drive him to the bus stop around the corner. It was still dark, for Pete's sake. And once that was over I had to go right back home and get myself ready before waking up Carter in time to make his bus at 8:09am. The stakes are high in this thankfully-rare single parent scenario. If Jacob misses the bus, I have to wake up Carter extra early, drive to Jacob's school and back (40 minutes), only to have to sit for about 20-30 more minutes before I can drop Carter off at his school. Or, if Carter misses the bus, then I get to work even later than 9am. So it's really important everyone makes it to their spots on time, but the early morning and two complete rounds of getting people ready (three if you count me) is exhausting. I got a reasonable amount of sleep but I feel like I'm still not fully functional. It's not significantly worse than normal days (which are still hard--will that ever get better?) but it's definitely not ideal, even with caffeine. It's very hard to focus on my work, or to trust myself to do it right because I just feel "off" enough that it's easy to forget something. The good news is that it seems I made a good choice when I decided to drive Jacob to school. This setup would not be sustainable. Heck, I almost missed the new commute this morning, traffic and all!
- Part of the reason it's so important for me to get everyone to their places on time so I can get out of work on time is because Jacob is still not cool with being home alone. He had the whole month of June and now nearly two weeks of September to adjust, and he's still hating every moment. Frequently he'll blow up our phones with messages after 4pm (did I mention the 10 calls in one day?), and it makes it hard to finish up work and get out the door on time with the constant interruptions. Yesterday he insisted he heard a gunshot and was going to call 9-1-1. The problem is that he makes everything into a big dramatic issue, so it's hard to pick and choose when you think there's an actual issue worth rushing home for. It's mostly just his imagination running away with him, and as a result, aside from going in the house to change clothes, he will not sit in there alone. And yes, it seems odd he would think outside is safer than being locked inside, but that's just how his brain is working right now. It's exhausting, because aside from hiring a babysitter, getting a dog, or installing a security system, nothing seems to satisfy him, no matter how many times I remind him that we have to work.
- Jacob had a teacher tell him yesterday that all-black Vans sneakers are okay at school. How they fit into the "dress shoes only" dress code, I'm still unclear, but then he told me the principal said they're OK today, too. Now I know I'm going to be fending off repeated requests for them since he really dislikes dress shoes. We may have to cave at some point, but it's just one more thing on top of the dress-down jeans and shirts, more ties (yay for my free month of Amazon Prime), and eventually a fleece jacket. Uniforms ended up way more complicated than I thought.
- My house is a mess. I really need to dedicate some time to a hardcore cleaning in a lot of areas--including the really gross stuff I only do every few years, like inside windows, or basement cobwebs, or all the tiny corners of the kitchen trim. I mean, I need to dust and vacuum normal stuff, too, but certain things have just gotten gross. Not to mention that everywhere I look there are crumbs--no matter how many times I wipe things down--or random stuff sitting in places it doesn't belong. The kids have gotten really lax about it and Craig doesn't seem to notice, so I'm the only one trying to do weekly sweeps just to keep it manageable. But given my limited time and energy in the evenings, wholesale cleaning just hasn't happened. It's also hard to do on weekends when everyone is home, so I probably just need to take a day off work to focus on it. Yay.
- I also haven't made any progress on the long list of house projects we need to get done--mostly the replacement kitchen window, or dryer vent cleaning, or the many plumbing issues. It has to happen soon, but mentally (and financially) getting there is extremely hard for me right now. Maybe it's because I look at my calendar and instantly feel overwhelmed by what's already there, or maybe it's because inviting a worker into our house means more projects--the aforementioned deep cleaning (for the plumber), removing curtains (for the window), plus any resulting cleanup after they're done. Some days I'm just not sure I have it in me to willingly add one more thing.
I'm fine, we're fine...it's just a lot right now, and I know that as fall goes on and Christmas gets closer, it's just going to get crazier. Maybe once my body adjusts to the early mornings, someday, it will feel easier to manage. Let's hope, anyway!
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