- New school
- New classes
- New wardrobe
- New homework load
- New wake-up times
- New commute
- New school open house experience
- New confirmation class
- New bible class
- New evening schedule
- New basketball team
- New playmates/teammates
On one hand, a lot of the new stuff is great. So much of what we're doing is really good stuff. But I find myself questioning how sustainable it all is. A week or two of early wakeups is manageable, but six months in am I going to have adjusted, or will there be some horrible cumulative impact of getting up earlier every day, even if I'm still getting a similar (or better) amount of sleep? We can do a month or two of two-days-per-week basketball, but how will it be in the new year when Jacob starts travel practices and they run twice a week for months on end? It's a lot to take in and doesn't leave much time for anything else. I just feel a little discombobulated by it all, like I'm completely unsettled in my usual life, which is a weird sensation.
But like I said, what we've got going is pretty good despite the exhaustion. School is moving along for both kids. Carter seems fine. He doesn't seem to have any really good friends right now, but his reading seems decent and other than one iffy day at the afterschool program, I haven't received any negative feedback. He's mostly just living for playing with his buddy Ben at the afterschool program and coming home to play with the kids across the street. It's still taking some adjusting to having neighborhood friends. Our house is always a mess--partly from toys constantly "set up" in the living room and partly from kids just leaving stuff everywhere--(and the neighbors' house looks pretty clean) so I'm nervous about the little boy coming here and thinking we're slobs. It's also a little awkward when Jacob joins in and the boys fight in front of the neighbor. As kids we just figured stuff out but I'm a little out of practice for what's considered "normal" now.
Jacob has finally hit the homework wall. He has two bigger projects due this week and he's panicking a bit. He spent a couple hours working on it last night and had a running monologue the entire time complaining about school and homework and his lack of friends. I needed wine to not lose my mind, because no amount of trying to rationalize with him was working. I think some of it was anxiety about the amount of work he has (which, mind you, is significant but manageable) and some was his Oppositional Defiant Disorder coming out, in how he wanted to defy authority and skip all the homework. He's not thrilled with his ELA and Religion teacher, and she is enemy #1 right now for making him revisit his summer reading book, The Trumpet of the Swan. We're trying to help him understand that homework is going to be ever-present for the next 11 years, and that it's more about teaching him resilience and patience and work ethic than it is about what he's learning. Yes, it sucks--I remember well--and for a kid with ADHD it's extra hard, but it's something he needs to find a way to adjust to. Literally every homegrown American he sees has made their way through sixth grade in some way, and he will too.
I went to his curriculum night on Thursday. I had to miss half of his basketball game, but I felt it was important this year. I was able to learn a little more about the house system and meet his house dean. I met all of his teachers, as well, in an open house setting in the gym. A few of them seem young and pretty cool. All but his science and PE teachers are women. All of them seem pretty pleasant, though I can see that the aforementioned ELA/Religion teacher might be a tough one for him. But for all of his complaining, I logged into the parent portal last night and he's doing pretty freaking amazing so far in all of his classes. I'd heard other parents talking about how their kids were doing and wondered how they knew, but almost everything is in the portal. It's crazy. Never mind the five-week progress report, eh? Ironically, the only teacher that didn't know him immediately when I said his name was his PE teacher, but to be fair he only sees him every other day. All the rest seemed happy with him so far, with most mentioning that he was quiet but starting to come out of his shell. His theater teacher seemed particularly impressed with his effort, which was interesting since he seems completely unexcited about that class. In general, the challenge of middle school as a parent is being relatively detached when it comes to homework and the plethora of teachers, all while your kid clams up more than ever. Technology helps with that now,, but it's not the same as elementary school, that's for sure.
The commute is going okay, although it seems we have very little room for error as he got there with at least five minutes to spare on Friday and still got marked tardy to Latin. That annoyed him because he said he wasn't late, but who knows. But I feel like that commute time together has been important for our relationship, and I hope it becomes a safe space in the years to come. The early mornings are still tough mentally, but hopefully one of these days it becomes routine. It's probably been easier than expected, honestly, but it's still not easy.
Our evenings have been jam packed for the last two weeks. Only last Monday was free, but Craig was on the road so a single mom night seems less than relaxing. We have basketball two nights per week, which we enjoy despite the fact that Jacob's team isn't doing very well. He's making a solid effort, but their system just doesn't seem to be working. His shooting has been a little off, too, so eeking out one basket has been all he can manage. This Friday, in an effort to rectify that, he went to open gym and a skills session at the same gym he's playing at now. Carter and I did a dinner date (Texas Roadhouse--fancy!) and some shopping for a first birthday gift and some fall leaves for our fake ficus tree.
Wednesday is now a busy night, too, because Jacob started confirmation class at church. He is not happy about it. It seemed that the class was a little better than he expected, but since he doesn't have any friends there, he's unhappy about having to do this. But we feel it's important and if he doesn't do it now, he may never. It's just one more thing for him to have to focus on and learn during the week, but hopefully it's manageable. While he's there, I decided to go to a bible study that a couple other parents offered up. I haven't done a consistent one since the mom group a while back, but this is weekly--and that's something I haven't done since college. God knows I need it, though. Unfortunately, it also runs through the youth recreational hour, which you'd think Jacob would love, but unless it's open gym with basketball, he's uninterested, which makes staying for that second hour challenging. We have yet to figure out how that will work. But anyway, I figure if he has to go out of his comfort zone, I will, too.
I'm not sure how all of these busy evenings would work had I not been able to shift my schedule. It's still not perfect, but it's better. I leave work around 4:30, get home by 5 or 5:15 depending on if I have to pick up Carter, and have a good 45-60 minutes to work on dinner before I would have been home otherwise. Most of the time that means we can get dinner in before 6:30 events. It's tight but doable. It's refreshing after struggling so badly to get in dinner by 8pm some nights. Still, our evenings have been busy and ultimately short when we have events going on. My workouts have taken a definite hit, as I'm just too darn tired in the evening right now. On Friday night I could barely stay awake after 8pm. So, we're functioning, but no, not perfect just yet.
We're definitely still a work in progress, but I guess if we're going to be busy, I'm thankful it's all good stuff that's filling our time. I'm just nervous about the tiredness taking over, or suddenly finding out that I'm hopelessly behind on life. It's just been a lot of "new" at once, and feeling a bit afloat in your own otherwise normal life can be a little disorienting. But new can also be refreshing and exciting, and we've felt a little of that, too. We'll just keep on keeping on for now...
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