Friday, December 17, 2010

Mom FAIL

I'm not big into the whole "FAIL" thing I see people overusing on Facebook, but I seriously can't think of any other way to put last night into words. I missed Jacob's Christmas program. Well, not all of it, but just the part he was in. Ugh. Craig got some of it on video, so I will be able to post it here at some point, but yeah, I missed it. By about three minutes. I had my work Christmas party yesterday afternoon, and I got out of work a little early. Since I was missing my normal Thursday class at the gym for the program, I figured I'd pop in, get in a good 45 minute workout, mostly so I didn't feel like a big fat blob in the midst of Christmas eating (particularly following the party), and leave in time to get there. Well, apparently I miscalculated how long it would take to make myself presentable and drive there, because I got there about five minutes late...and Jacob's class was the first act. I missed Jingle Bells and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. On the video it didn't look like Jacob was singing much, but he did manage to shake a jingle bell extremely well. On the bright side, he did sit nicely for the whole thing. And for that, I'm very proud of him.

And as you can imagine, I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I feel like, well, something that's probably not appropriate to write here. I tried, I really did. I truly thought I left enough time to get there. But when I did arrive the kids were just coming back down to their parents. Heartbreaking. I totally screwed up. Totally.

I keep trying to find a bright side to this whole thing--the learning experience, if you will. On the bright side, Jacob didn't really know any better. I'm not sure he noticed that I wasn't there, and even still, I don't think my absence would be particularly disappointing at this stage. Now, give it a few years and I miss something, then YES, he will probably be crushed. But let's just hope I have learned my lesson to build in a significantly bigger chunk of time next time I have to get to something like this. No matter what. And while I never would want to miss his first one, maybe this one's the best one to miss out of all of them because he doesn't get it yet. At least I'm the only one who's sad...not him. Not that I want to give myself an easy out, but I suppose if I don't, the guilt will just kill me more than it already has.

As if all of that wasn't enough, Jacob woke up this morning not quite himself. He's had a brutal runny nose for a couple days, but otherwise he seemed okay. But this morning, a couple minutes after he woke up he started crying and saying that his mouth hurt. I had an inkling that he might be talking about his throat, but when I asked him directly, he insisted it was his mouth. Getting any vitamins or medicine in him was a challenge, but eventually when I took him to wake Craig up, he was jumping on our bed happy as could be. With my boss off today, I was hesitant to stay home, and seeing him act normal made it seem like he'd be ok. Today is Santa day at daycare as well, so I'd hate for him to miss that, despite the whole fear of Santa issue. But eventually he seemed ok with going, so we did. Of course, upon arrival we learned that another kid came down with strep, which got the suspicions up a bit more. By lunchtime I got a call that he was complaining about his mouth again and that he refused to eat lunch. Bad of an eater as he is, that's rare. I asked them to call me again after naptime (if he's going to sleep for a couple hours regardless, it might as well be there while I wrap up work), and if he was still not feeling good, then I'd take a sick half day and come to get him. Turns out I'll only leave a little bit early no matter what, and tonight we'll head off to the doctor. Thank God we don't have a copay. Still, he's been on my mind all day, and I certainly felt guilty for even having to send him to daycare in the first place. Should be an interesting weekend alone with him, that's for sure. I'll take all the cuddles I can get, though. And if I can have a healthy child for Christmas, all the better.

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