The Last Week

I don't know if I was just lazy last week, or too invested in other projects, or what, but it's taken me an entire week to get these pictures off my camera and post them here.  Suffice it to say that evenings are crazy these days, and I'm already short on sleep so I'm always hesitant to jump into a new project later in the evening once my arms are empty and the boys are asleep.  It's been a struggle to stay awake long enough to get things done and it's hard to sacrifice any more time in the evening after not seeing the kids all day.  That is my biggest challenge now that I'm back to work.  Anyway, as a result of trying to get some other projects done (like, say, way-overdue thank you notes, birth announcements and baptism invites), it took me a week to do this...

 

Two weekends ago we were actually pretty busy.  Craig was in Buffalo/Canada for various lacrosse activities, so it was just me and the boys.  My parents came into town to see us, with the added incentive of sitting in a suite for the Amerks' last regular season game.  We hadn't been to an Amerks game all year and Jacob, of course, had been wanting to go.  So, no time like the present!  Fortunately Craig got us tickets and we had some comfortable accommodations in a suite.  We had a very nice time.  This is how Carter spent his night...

And Jacob hung out with Grandpa...

We had a really good time and still managed to get home at a reasonable time.  The Amerks won to get themselves into the playoffs, and even better, the Knighthawks won their road game to get into the playoffs.  It was a good night.

The next morning we had a birthday party for Jacob's friend at Chuck E. Cheese.   

Craig was still in Buffalo so I had to get the boys up and ready myself.  I put Carter into the Baby Bjorn and played pack mule while Jacob ran from game to game.  Craig showed up right around pizza time, and then he took over game duty while I chatted with one of the moms (the mom of Jacob's soccer buddy, who I hadn't seen since the last night of soccer, the day before Carter was born).  As usual, Jacob had a blast playing games.  He played a lot of the baseball and football games, as well as some skee-ball and air hockey.  He also liked riding in this big safari jeep that raised way up, and spent a good amount of time in the crawling/climbing apparatus with his friends. 

Playing air hockey against Daddy!

The one thing I insisted is that we all sit in the crazy picture creator thing.  It takes a picture and "draws" it.  It only costs one token and I figured it might be a fun opportunity to get a picture of all of us together.  Well, I think the result is pretty priceless.  Carter looks a little dazed, but the rest of us where laughing because it was so hard to get us all in the picture.  Nice memory, though!

I spent most of the rest of the weekend trying to get a good picture of Carter.  He is so cute, but I don't feel like photos do him justice!  However, I think these capture his essence pretty well...

This may be one of my favorites, but for some reason I cannot get Blogger to put it in here rotated.  Sorry, you'll just have to tilt your head...

Carter has been smiling up a storm at times.  It's still not particularly cause-and-effect, but he does it a lot.  Once in a while he'll do it directly in response to something, but most of the time it's random and directed at my forehead or something.  But the past couple nights we've played a little game with his pacifier where I give it to him and take it back.  Ok, it's probably a bit of a tease, but he thinks it's funny so we'll just go with it.  Regardless, here's a cute picture of him smiling.  I can't wait to see more of these!

Back to my busy week now...notes to write and laundry to fold!

Smiles

I wish I had some fantastic smiley photos to accompany this post, but I'm still working on getting some good ones.  Carter is dishing them out right and left these days, but apparently just not when I have a camera.  And when he's in a good mood, the last thing I want to do is disrupt it by jumping up to get the camera.  It's been fun to see all of his smiles and hear his happy noises, though.  I can't get enough!

The reason for this post is because I had this funny little realization the other day.  Suddenly it occurred to me why parents always like to see their baby smile.  I mean, smiles are cute, but I realized why the arrival of the smile era is such a monumental milestone--it's because it's the first moment when you know that your baby is happy.  And what does every parent want more than anything else?  For their child to be happy. 

When your baby is born, you spend all of your time making sure their needs are met.  You feed them, change them, and cuddle them, all in an effort to make sure they're comfortable.  You don't get much in return, but for some reason it can still be one of the most rewarding things ever.  But amidst all that, I don't know if "happy" is an adjective most parents would use to describe their newborn.  Sweet, content, cute, good...perhaps.  But happy?  That descriptor doesn't come around until later, after the smiles begin.  That is the point at which you know that your baby is happy, really and truly happy.  It can be short-lived, of course, but every little smile is confirmation that you're doing something right.  It's a good feeling to have a happy child, and after a couple months of wondering if your baby is feeling good at any given moment, that confirmation is so nice to have.  It's the first real emotional connection you can have to your child, and that's why it's such an exhilarating experience. 

Not to mention that it gives you something to do.  A while back I talked about not knowing what to do with Carter sometimes, and while I'm still working on it, the arrival of smiles means we have something to aim for.  It's still not easy to get one, but I can play with him in hopes he'll kick one out and confirm that yes, we are having fun.  And it will only get better from here.  I can't wait!

Sorry, I know this isn't much of a post, but I wanted to write this up before I forgot!  I have a couple things to share from last weekend, but I haven't gotten around to pulling the pics off the camera yet.  Soon, I promise.

Breastfeeding: The Rest of the Story

I've been done breastfeeding for a little over three weeks now.  I must say, it's been different than I envisioned.  In a good way, I guess, but different.  We've spent a lot of time and energy trying to find the large cans of formula in the store, and it hurt a little bit to charge $143 worth on my credit card to buy a four-pack online, but Carter is certainly a happier baby because of it.  That fact, above all else, is what is important, so it's hard to argue anything else.

Part of me certainly misses the bonding of breastfeeding, and the satisfaction of being the one to fully sustain human life.  There was always something magical about watching a baby, even an older baby, latch on and go from fussy or wild to totally peaceful.  I loved the excited look on Jacob's face when it was time to eat, and I liked knowing I was giving him the best possible thing I could.  I miss the extra calorie burn, too!

But you know, I don't think I miss it as much as I thought I would.  I miss the idea of it, but in practical terms I think the way things are now is much easier.  I don't think I would have thought that last time, but right now I feel like this fits our lifestyle a little better.  With Jacob I hardly left the house for the first couple months of his life.  This time we were out and about very early because of Jacob's goings-on.  Breastfeeding, though handy, can be a little awkward in public.  I always knew I could do it, but in the end, if the timing was close I'd rather race home with a screaming baby than do it in public.  Part of it was general comfort for the baby and me--finding a good spot with enough space that was slightly private--and the rest was my concern over potentially flashing someone (be it boobs or a belly fat roll) or making someone else uncomfortable.  Not that I exactly cared about those people, but I wanted to at least look like I cared, you know?  Now I just pull out a bottle and get to it, not having to worry as much if Jacob needs something or the baby's squirmy.  I just put the bottle down and do what I have to do. 

In addition, I think using formula gave us a little more flexibility, time-wise.  Before, Carter was eating every two hours all day, and sometimes more in the evening, followed by every three hours at night.  I'm sure some of the shift had to do with age, as well, but once he went on formula, we were able to eek out more three or four hour gaps during the day (though he's usually got a two-hour one in the evening), and now he's sleeping through the night--a good eight-hour stretch.  It's miraculous compared to the endless hours spent on the couch initially.  And for the reasons above, having that flexibility is hugely helpful. 

One of my big fears about bottlefeeding was the stress of putting together bottles in the middle of the night with a screaming baby.  A little planning has helped that immensely.  One good thing is that the type of formula we use is not supposed to be heated.  So, room temperature is the best we can do.  I have a giant Brita tank that we got when we got married, I think, that we hadn't used for anything except parties once we moved into this house, since our refrigerator has a water dispenser.  That tank now sits out on the counter with room temperature water.  Every night before bed, I fill a bottle to the right amount, and fill our sectioned formula container with the right amount of powder (it's got three sections to pre-portion formula for being out on the go), and leave it all in Carter's room.  The second I walk in his room at feeding time, I pop open the bottle, dump the formula in, and shake it up.  The bottles I use mix it up better than the drop-ins I send to daycare that need the help of a battery-operated mixer and a baby spoon to break up the lumps, so for the most part mixing isn't a big deal.  I can be sitting down and feeding him within a minute of walking in.  Half the time it took me that long to get in position and comfortable enough to breastfeed, so shockingly, that's far less of an issue than I would have thought.

It is a bit of a pain to travel, however.  Whereas before I just needed me and maybe the Boppy pillow, now I need a full set of bottles, a supply of formula, liners if I'm using certain bottles, and ideally my brush and drying rack.  That is a lot to cart anywhere, and given that our formula is expensive and somewhat hard to find at times, it involves some planning ahead.  Even going out involves making sure I have a bottle or two filled with water, and the formula portioned out.  Unlike with breastfeeding, there's no backup plan.  And the likelihood of finding the formula we'd need if we ran out (and finding it with the best value pricing) is less than it would be with more mainstream formula.  I'm also not a fan of the constant bottle washing, but I'd be doing some of that anyway, and adding breast pump parts into the mix, which are an even bigger pain. 

I think the biggest surprises for me are that I don't feel any less bonded to Carter without it, and that even though I'm probably spending a similar amount of time feeding him (admittedly, some bottle feedings are quite a bit shorter), I feel less encumbered by the process.  It's almost like I used to take it personally if they didn't eat, or if the feeding wasn't comfortable.  Perhaps I resented it a bit because it was always my job to feed the baby if he was crying.  I don't know.  Whatever the emotions were, I must have suppressed them enough last time that I really took the experience as a positive.  Still, now that I'm not doing it this time, I just feel like I have a renewed energy for feedings.  Maybe it's the knowledge that I can pass it off if necessary.  Maybe it's less pressure because I don't have to pump all day at work to make enough for tomorrow.  Maybe it's because I'm not pumping, so I really do get a break from all things baby while I'm at work.  It's nice not to be working against the ticking time bomb that was my chest when it would tell me, in no uncertain terms, when it was time to eat.  It's been a relief to have my chest back down to size, and not have to plan my schedule around it at all times. 

Whatever the reason, it feels a lot different this time around, and it's not nearly as sad as I thought.  I'm very much at peace with the decision.  Perhaps the fact that I'm less physically invested in Carter means that it's easier to be more emotionally invested because there's plenty of energy left to give.  Breastfeeding isn't the most comfortable thing, and it's hard sometimes to deal with change, discomfort, exhaustion, and anxiety, all at the same time.  But it was worth every bit last time, and I'm grateful for the six weeks I had this time.  I'd be fine giving up the good stuff if it meant I could still be breastfeeding, since it would be the best thing for him.  I did it last time, I could have done it this time, and if we somehow end up doing this again, I'll give it a shot that time, too.  I think every mom owes it to her child to give it a shot.  But mom's sanity is important, too, and the dairy-free diet put me over my breaking point.  It might be something else for another mom, but that was it for me this time.  I wouldn't have appreciated the experience within that reality this time, so I'm happy with where we are right now.  I have a happy, smiley baby who brings me such joy, and I can't argue with that.

News & Notes: The Delayed Spring Edition

After a few days this week in the 70s, we're back to crappy weather for the weekend.  It's been windy pretty much since Carter was born--seriously, I think we've probably had at least one wind advisory every single week since--and we get a bonus of low 40s and rain for today.  Ewww.  So much for getting out and jogging or taking the baby for a walk.  One of these months...

Let's see, what else is up?

Carter's been doing some hardcore smiling for a week or so now.  He really got going last weekend.  He's still a little stingy with them, and you can't always get one when you want it, but when he does them it's incredibly cute.  Sometimes he gets on these major kicks where he'll be throwing out smile after smile, along with a series of adorable baby noises.  One of these days I have to get it on video.  He's been charming the daycare ladies with them, and I've been trying to squeeze out a few during the limited time I have with him.

He's still got the diaper rash from hell, but I think we're finally gaining on it.  I have never seen anything like it.  He's got these little dots inside the crack, and then bigger sores on the outside.  They're bright red and they often bleed.  They're just so raw.  It's hard to make any progress because he pees and poops constantly.  He's been on anti-fungal ointment and hydrocortisone cream for a couple weeks now.  It hadn't been getting any better, but this morning it looked slightly better, so I'm hoping we're on the way down now.  We're supposed to use the ointment four times per day, the hydrocortisone twice, and use diaper rash cream as much as possible.  I was realizing, however, that all of that stuff was making it pretty moist in there still.  So, now I use baby powder when I apply the ointment or cream, and diaper rash cream the rest of the time.  I never used baby powder the first time around, but this time I definitely see it serving a purpose.  Every baby is different, I guess.  He's gotten better about screaming during diaper changes, but who can blame him when he does?

The big news of the week is that we seem to be much closer to consistently getting some sleep.  A couple nights this week he went from about 9:30pm to 5:30am.  The bad news of that is the 5:30am wakeup call, since I don't get to go back to bed after that because of how the timing works out.  The good news is that it affords me one solid chunk of sleep instead of two small ones.  It would be great if I could actually get myself to bed on time, though.  I have too much to do in the evenings and end up being up too late to really take full advantage of the sleep.  The last couple nights he's gone from about 10pm to 6:30am, which was even better.  When we came downstairs to eat Friday morning, we turned on the TV to the news that one of the Boston Marathon suspects had been killed and the other was on the loose.  That was quite a shock.  And by that evening, we watched as they captured the other guy.  Amazing.  Of course, in order to get that much sleep from him, it involves some hardcore cluster feeding in the evenings.  He'll down one five ounce bottle somewhere between 4pm and 6pm, a four-ouncer around 7-7:30, and another five-ouncer around 9:30.  That is a lot for that small stomach!  But hey, whatever works.   

Have I mentioned that Carter has a giant birthmark on his back?  Shortly after he was born I noticed a slight skin discoloration, where it was just off of the rest of his skin tone.  By the time he was a week old, it had turned red, and within a month or so it was raised.  It's supposedly a pretty standard birthmark, which will probably continue to be red and raised at least for the next six months or so, and then slowly start to fade away.  It should eventually fade completely, which blows my mind, because it's pretty intense right now.  Fortunately it doesn't bother him at all.  From what I read he was more at risk for this because he came early, but who knows.  I think I had a very small one of those on my chest when I was little, and it faded away by the time I was probably in elementary school.  Here's a picture I took a while back...

As for me...well, things are going okay.  I'm a little frustrated at the moment because I'm still up about 5-7 pounds and have leveled off.  The fact that I'm no longer breastfeeding makes it harder than ever to lose that weight, and my inconsistent workouts aren't helping matters.  Craig's busy with work, the weather has not been cooperative, and this week we had to go to the funeral home for a friend's mom on the night I would have probably gone out for a run.  My class once a week is great, but those runs are what will make a major difference.  And right now it's just not happening.  I've picked up some bad snacking habits over the past 10 months or so, and I'm slowly trying to wean myself off of that.  It's not easy, though.  My stomach is so flabby and my hips are still a little bigger than would be ideal.  Pants are a bit of a challenge right now and shirts are very hit-or-miss.  I can't suck my stomach in as well as I'd like, and most of my pants are just a little tight, which leaves me with major muffin top issues.  I'm just dying to get back in shape so my clothes fit me again.  I'm a little worried that the hips are more of a structural issue than a fat issue (meaning, that they spread), which would be bad because that will make it hard to ever fit in my pants again.  I know my body has every right to change after pregnancy, and I don't need it to be perfect, but I'd like to fit in my clothes again so I don't have to worry about buying a new wardrobe.  As for the rest of my body, it's still trying to get itself worked out a bit.  Birth control has not yet regulated my cycle, for example.  That is beyond frustrating.  But thankfully, the one thing that is back to normal is my chest.  That has been nice, aside from the fact that the big chest probably distracted everyone from my stomach (or at least balanced it all out).  I know that my body went through a lot with this pregnancy and I shouldn't beat myself up two months out, but still...I'm ready for everything to be as close to back to normal as possible. 

It's been a busy first half of the weekend already, and we have more fun to come tomorrow.  But for tonight, it is long past my bedtime.  Ugh, why am I so compelled to write!?

Time

When I took Carter's two-month picture the other day, I was shocked at how much different he looked from his one month shot.  I figured he would look different, but I guess I didn't expect how much different.  He looked bigger, stronger, and more aware.  And while I knew that he had definitely grown and has been looking around a lot for the last few weeks, seeing the pictures was still shocking to me.  Sometimes he still seems so little, but when I compare him to what I recall of the tiny baby he was when he was born, it's obvious that he's so much bigger.  I wish we could capture sensory feelings like we can take photographs, because I'd love to be able to know exactly how it felt holding a newborn Carter compared to the one we have now.  I can think I remember, but with the seamless transition from one day to the next, it's so hard to know for sure when things started to change.

Of course, all of this made me panic a little bit that he's growing up so fast and before I know it he's not going to be my little baby anymore.  I know we have a long way to go, really, but I do know that it is all going to fly by.  It already is.  And since Carter is probably my last one, every little step we leave behind is going to be gone for good.  There's so much happy and sad tied into that--for example, being relieved that those first horrible days of healing from delivery and breastfeeding engorgement are gone, but sad that we'll never meet another child for the very first time.  Part of me is so ready to leave so many of the baby things behind--I won't miss washing bottles or changing diapers--but there's definitely a sweetness and innocence that comes with a new baby that I've longed for since half of my interactions with Jacob became some sort of discipline/teachable moment/shouting match.  I look forward to getting more sleep, but there's a certain charm to the night feedings (when you're not staring down a day of work, in particular) when it's just you cuddling your tiny baby. 

The other day a co-worker and I somehow got on the topic of yard work.  I mentioned that our old house had a ridiculous amount of trees that dumped leaves into our yard, and used the pictures I shared in this post as evidence.  I love those pictures and obviously know very well what they look like, but seeing them for the first time in a while really struck me.  Just look at Jacob.  He was just over 16 months old at the time, just starting to walk regularly.  He still only had a few teeth, and he was SO blond!  It's him, of course, but he was such a different little boy compared to the 42-pound, very tall child that we see today.  And it absolutely blows my mind that we've gone from that to this.  In some cases it feels like the blink of an eye, but in others I know all of the blood, sweat, and tears we've put into the 3-1/2 years since so I'm well aware of how long the journey's been.  But just seeing that face...man, it's amazing.  Ironically, the picture of Jacob sleeping at the beginning of the post looks exactly like how he looks when he's sleeping now.  I don't think that's just my mom mind saying that--I really think that with a little more hair and a little less pudge, his face looks identical now.  Funny how that works.

All this to say that it's really struck me now how time passes and how precious each moment is.  That's probably partly why it's been harder to be done with maternity leave this time around.  I "get it" now--I understand how fleeting it all is.  Now that we have another child, the experiences we've had with Jacob have given me great perspective on the adventure that lies ahead.  I'm not saying I'll do it any better, but I definitely want to.  I feel like with Jacob the tendency was to just take things as they came.  It was hard to picture the future, aside from hoping for a time without sleepless nights or battles over dinner.  But it seems like we had no way of imagining what it would really be like.  But now that we've seen how Jacob has grown and changed over the years, it makes me excited to see Carter do the same thing.  While Jacob's future is still something we can barely conceive of, after having gone through the baby stages with him, it gives me a better idea of the good and bad we can anticipate for Carter.  It gets me excited to do the good stuff again, and at least attempt to maneuver through the bad stuff better than we did last time.  Now that we know how a baby can grow into a kid with a personality, it's exciting to see where that goes.  Now that we see how much different Jacob looks now than when he was Carter's age, it's exciting to see how Carter will grow and change.  I look forward to when they're older and can interact, but I think I'm a little more cautious this time to not wish my way through this stage because it goes so fast and is extra special. 

Admittedly, this week has given me pause because of all the tragedies that have taken place.  Between the Boston Marathon bombing and the fertilizer factory explosion in Texas, it's clearer than ever how things can change in an instant. My car accident in November was a good reminder, and the Newtown shootings in December certainly drove the point home, but these events just emphasized it even more.  It's scary that something as simple as driving to work, sending your kid to school, going to a sporting event, or just sitting in your living room can turn into something life-changing in an instant.  I'm practically paralyzed in fear and sadness if I ever let myself think deeply enough about what it would be like to be in the shoes of any of the people impacted by any of these tragedies.  One second you're living a normal life, and the next it's anything but.  With that in mind it makes me feel so blessed for the good life we have, and I pray we never have one of those life-changing moments where it all falls to pieces.  I know that if it happens we'll just have to put our trust in God, but you only get one life and it would really stink to have one event ruin everything.  In light of these events, however, I will sure hold my kids a little tighter and savor every moment I can with them.  These moments of babyhood and childhood are fleeting enough, let alone having something cut them shorter. 

Anyway, I've just been extra conscious lately of how quickly time flies and how special this time is.  Despite the challenges, it's worth every second to see my boys grow up and become real people.  I love them so much and feel so lucky to be their mom. 

One Week In...and Two Months!

A week ago today we started our new normal, with me back to work and both kids in daycare.  I figured I should probably report on how things are going now that we've been back to "normal" for a week.  Overall I'd rate us as "Fair". 

Carter is doing very well.  He is adored by everyone there and aside from peeing on people while on the changing table and nearly spitting up all over the assistant director, things have been pretty uneventful.  They all remark what a good baby he is.  He sleeps well and eats well, and doesn't seem phased by the changes in the least.  He's actually napped really well in his crib there, which is great.  Hopefully the fact that the TV was on about 99% of the time we were home for his first seven weeks has given him the ability to sleep through ridiculous amounts of noise.  The women love snuggling him, since I think he's the youngest baby there by a little over a month.  Jacob has ventured down to see him a few times, too.  No idea what he does when he's there, but it's nice he's trying.

We're all still struggling with his diaper rash from hell, but I think it's getting better.  At least, some of the bad spots seem to be smaller.  We're tackling it with anti-fungal ointment, hydrocortisone cream, and lots of diaper rash cream.  It's not so much an overall redness as it is these raw red patches.  Sometimes those patches bleed, too.  We're all doing what we can to keep him dry and protected.  I bought some different diapers over the weekend since I know that can sometimes make a difference (I'd been wanting to try them out anyway--I'd rather be using Luvs since they're way cheaper and Jacob did well with them, but wanted to try a small pack before buying the massive box at BJ's that's nearly half the price of the Pampers, but has even more diapers).  At this point I'll try anything.  So, it's been a joint effort on that front. 

The women there enjoy his little outfits each day--a combination of new stuff and hand-me-downs--and it's been fun for me to have a little more variety than the sleepers he sported for most of my maternity leave.  Most of the 0-3 month stuff is fitting him pretty well now--definitely in length, at least--but waists and pant legs are still a little big at times.  It's also been fun digging into Jacob's old clothes and reliving the moments that I remember him wearing them.  It appears that Carter will fit into Jacob's stuff on the opposite end of the season that Jacob wore them for.  So, for example, right now Carter can fit into some of the stuff that Jacob wore in the fall, when he was about 3-6 months old.  It's a little big on Carter now but was probably starting to get small on Jacob when he wore a lot of it.  Conversely, the stuff that was large on Jacob when he was only a couple months old will probably fit Carter pretty well for most of the summer and start to get small near the end as he approaches six months.  They should match up relatively well for the 6-9 month period as that's almost all winter in both cases.  I sorted four bins a couple weeks ago to make sure all of the month groupings were together, since I usually just packed them away as I noticed Jacob outgrew them, which varied by brand and season.  I'm good through about 18 months now!

The morning rush has been an adjustment for me, but so far it hasn't been bad.  This morning was a little tough since Craig was still on the road and I had an 8:30 dentist appointment to get to.  I was only a couple minutes late, which wasn't bad considering Jacob was his usual pokey self and I had a little incident while preparing bottles that took a couple extra minutes to deal with.  I could do bottles in the evening since they keep for a full day, but given that there's a "safe" lifespan at all, I feel like it's better to do them in the morning so there's less chance of any issues.  It's a bit of a pain, but it's been manageable.  I sent three five-ounce bottles this morning instead of four four-ounce ones (he never got to the fourth last week at all, and seemed a little extra hungry after some feedings this weekend).  I ended up buying two extra bottles this weekend (very cheap!) to give me a little leeway for washing, since I was using pretty much every bottle we had in a 24-hour cycle.  The ones I got (made by Similac, the formula company) seem to mix better than the drop-ins we've always used.  I'd rather keep the new ones at home since I can mix them up quicker, but the drop-ins are nice for daycare since the gross part can be tossed.

It's a little more of a task to get both kids checked in and dropped off in the morning, and I always have to take two trips to the car to pack us up, but so far we're getting through without any crazy late mornings.  Saying goodbyes is always tough, but I know the drill and I'm used to it.  Emotionally it's tough at times, and finishing maternity leave was tougher this time, even if dropping Carter off was actually easier.  That time was precious, both because I could spend it with my baby and because it afforded me the ability to accomplish other things around the house.

Now, my big challenge is the evenings.  Getting in time with both kids, cooking dinner, feeding Carter, washing dishes, washing bottles, preparing for the next day, and getting in a little time for myself (like this blog--it is therapeutic!) is hard.  That's not even getting in laundry or the long list of things I should be doing, like thank you notes, Christening invitations, and birth announcements, which are all horribly overdue.  I wanted to try to do them all at once since they've gone this long and stamps aren't cheap these days, but getting time to get on our computer that has the programs that I need has not been easy.  Carter's baby book is still sitting untouched.  I would love to go on a date with Craig to go see "42".  The house is a bit of a disaster, with piles of stuff everywhere and the Easter decorations half taken down but not replaced.  With all of that going on, sleep suffers, and I need that too.  If I'm this bad one week in, I wonder how it will be as time goes on.

Anyway, today Carter turned two months old!  The first month went so quick and this last one went a little slower.  I think that's because of all we went through with breastfeeding and formula...it was just more mentally draining, while the first month was physically draining but mercifully exhausting enough that it's one big blur.  It's going quite fast, though!  Here is Carter's second month picture.  I can't believe how much he's changed since last month!

He sat up so much better, his head looks giant, and he's definitely got his baby pudge now, at least in his face.  He's so much more aware, too!  I just wish I could have gotten him to smile, since he's doing a lot more of that these days...

Just one more thought for today...Earlier today two bombs went off at the Boston Marathon.  Currently they're saying three people are dead and over 100 are injured.  One of the dead is an eight-year-old boy.  My heart breaks for everyone involved, from the families of the dead, to the injured, to the spectators, runners, and everyone else.  The injuries are terrible.  The fact that a child was killed and more were injured just makes me sick.  As someone who pretends to be a runner (haha), that someone would use this great event that promotes health and strength as their place to hurt people just angers me so much.  These people were at this event for fun--after intense training to run it, or just being there to support everyone--and they end up dead or injured.  Horrific.  Sometimes I wonder what kind of world we brought our two kids into.  I worry for their futures.  By the time they're older, will anywhere be safe?  We can't live in fear, but you can't help but wonder what this world is coming to.  I'm so sad for everyone involved and pray that we're never touched closely by an incident like this.  There are too many these days, and there's no reason it couldn't happen to us.  But I pray it doesn't, and I pray for those to whom it already did.  Horrible.  Simply horrible.

Excuses, Excuses...

Jacob has a trifecta of issues that make it very difficult to parent him.  He has an overactive imagination, he is highly distractible, and he has excuses for everything.  The three issues work together to make him a force to be reckoned with, every time. 

It starts with him getting an idea in his head and buying into it 110%.  If he's playing sports, he thinks it's a real game and he's a real athlete.  If he's playing Legos, he needs a full story complete with every little detailed prop.  If he wants to dress up like something, he goes overboard and wants to make sure it is as authentic as possible.  He takes things so seriously.  He's mad at me every time I kibosh the idea of him getting new cleats for tee-ball this summer.  He's already got the cheap, general sports ones we got him for soccer, but he insists those are not real baseball cleats.  Hello, you're not even five!  He's been obsessed with Native Americans for a while now, thanks in part to their presence at Knighthawks games and one of his favorite movies, "Crooked Arrows", about a modern day Native American high school lacrosse team.  He told me today that he wants to be a Native American when he grows up.  Obviously that is not happening, and no matter how I tried to explain to him that a) you have to be born as one, you can't just become one; b) dressing up and painting your face does not make you a real one, even if the clothes are the real thing; and c) he is blond and will never look like one; he insisted. 

Second, he gets distracted so easily.  I know that all kids do, but part of me is starting to worry it's something he truly can't help.  We can tell him to do the same thing 10 times in a row, and he still won't do it--not because he's purposely ignoring us--but because he can't multitask.  As he's putting on his pajamas, for example, he will get distracted by anything that's in his room.  Even if we're standing there and saying it repeatedly, he will ask a hundred questions in between and he cannot put on his pajamas at the same time.  If he's in the living room and needs to go upstairs, he gets distracted by the TV, by playing on the stairs, by ten more questions.  It's amazing.  And frustrating.  While I know some of it is stalling, I think a lot of it is genuine distraction in his brain--needing to have all his questions answered, needing to know every last detail, and needing things to be just so.

Finally, the excuses.  Oh, good Lord, the excuses.  He's got one for everything.  For problem #1 above, he's got a reason why he needs all of those things to be a certain way.  He needs baseball cleats so he doesn't get hurt.  He needs this Lego set because his guys don't have anywhere to sleep.  He needs to make his hair long, black, and in a mohawk because he needs to look like a real Native American.  If he gets in trouble at daycare, inevitably it started with someone else or his teachers said it was okay.  Tonight I made him a dinner he usually loves (English muffin pizzas), but he insisted he doesn't like them and he refused to eat them.  First he didn't give any reason, but then he said his belly hurt.  Then he said he needed healthier food so he can grow.  Then the crust was bad for his throat.  I told him if he felt sick and if he wasn't going to eat dinner, he had to go straight to bed (to be fair, bedtime wasn't that far off anyway).  But then he didn't want to go to bed because he didn't feel well and needed to go to the doctor.  I couldn't win, I guess!  Finally I demanded he go upstairs and sit in the bathroom.  I had him get into his pajamas and offered to make one piece of toast for his dinner.  DONE.   Before bed (when he was suddenly feeling much better, by the way), I told him that I would call the doctor tomorrow, but I asked him what he'd tell the doctor was wrong.  He didn't have much to say, and kept smiling like he thought he was pulling one over on me.  Well, I may just send him anyway, because he's been complaining enough about belly aches, headaches, and leg pains lately that it wouldn't hurt to double check.  We've explained Peter and the Wolf to him, but it's hard to know whether or not he's telling the truth or buys into his own random excuses.  He's also had a cough and stuffy nose for weeks, so who knows if something isn't just hanging out and making him a little extra miserable? 

I've said for years that he's determined.  Once he gets down a path that he wants to go on, it is very hard to get him off of it.  So if it involves numerous distractions, excuses, and random details to make everything exactly how he wants it, so be it.  Of course, it makes it very hard for us.  He's only four and is in no position to make those sorts of demands.  He truly thinks he needs certain things, and yes, sometimes Craig wants to move heaven and earth to make it happen, but it's not always practical or possible.  It's such a challenge to deal with a child who is so dialed in to what he thinks his reality should be. When he loosens up and lets that stuff go, he can be absolutely delightful to hang out with--funny, smart beyond his years, ridiculously adorable, very talented--but when he's fixated, it is exhaustingly repetitive and constantly argumentative. 

I wish I had a happy ending to this post, that we somehow figured out a way to work with this type of mindset, but we don't.  I won't lie--sometimes we're not on the same page dealing with this stuff, which makes things even harder.  I want to keep him rooted in practical reality, but like I said, often Craig wants to indulge as many of these desires as he realistically can.  We're working on that ourselves, but as of yet, neither of us has discovered a good way to manage these issues.  I know Craig thinks he's doing his best to be a good dad, and I think I'm doing my best to be a good mom...but neither option seems to be the key to having a tolerable child.  So, in the meantime we'll go on explaining his random stories to people and try to help him keep in mind reality vs. pretend.  Let's hope one of these days he gets our logic and this gets easier...at least before his brother starts picking up the same bad habit! :(