Tales of Two Boys

Last week, the boys were off school and I pounded through my work as quickly as I could early in the week so I was able to take off Thursday and Friday.  I figured it might be helpful to be available for Jacob, and with Carter's new desk being on the verge of being ready (replacement piece finally arrived early this week), my goal was to take some time to sort through his room.  We hadn't done a purge in a long time so there was still a lot of little kid stuff in his room and things that I knew hadn't been touched in ages.  It was time to sort through the books to make the good ones easier to find, and also chose ones to donate or pack away for posterity (or grandkids) in a bin.  Jacob wanted to clear his bookshelf completely (save for about three books) so we looked through his rejects, too.  We cleared out a bunch, enough to comfortably populate Carter's bookshelf and maybe move some small ones over to his desk if needed.  I now have a bin in the crawl space about 2/3 full with books--a mix of beloved board books, favorite kid books, and a lot of my old books I just couldn't bear to part with.  I'll try to donate the rest to our church's food pantry book ministry, which my aunt actually started years ago.

As I mentioned in my last post, we have Carter's fidget toys all in a bin to keep near his desk, and we'll also put some school supplies on one of the shelves--some paper, notebooks, maybe some crayons and markers.  Maybe we can store some toys in the remaining shelves.  We only cleared out a couple stuffed animals this time through (and then Jacob added more to the mix tonight--more on that in a minute), but oh well.  The big remaining problem is that there are a lot of toys we won't have space for, in his room or maybe anywhere.  At this point I'm ready to group them all in bins--Playmobil, Imaginext, and any other miscellaneous toys, and leave it to Craig to sort through with one or more of the boys to 1) match things up; and 2) decide what should be kept, stored, or given away.  He just knows better what goes with what, I've said repeatedly that it shouldn't be on me to do all of these things.  If we can pare things down and make room to keep some of it out, great.  And if not, maybe it's time to pack those things away, or pack away something else to make room.  We just have to start making some hard decisions.  It's challenging for me because I don't like to be wasteful and I feel like a lot didn't get enough use--mostly because of the screen problem--but I do think paring things down will make it easier for Carter to play with what he has.  We just have some very specific problem areas and they stress me out.  It was funny, because as we were sorting books, we came across the Berenstain Bears' Messy Room book, which I'm pretty sure my mom bought for me for obvious reasons (same for the "Too Much TV" one).  I decided we should read it on the spot to remind Carter why we were doing what we were doing.  By the end of the book the bears toys were all organized and easy to access, so they got played with and things were a lot easier to manage.  And that's exactly what I want for him, too.  Anyway, unless I get extra productive during evenings this week, this weekend will probably be another round of organization and attempts to make sense of Carter's room.  I'm hoping once it's clean and organized again, he'll feel more comfortable there and try to keep it nice for a while.  

Of course, tonight Jacob took the liberty of starting his own updates, right in the middle of dinner prep and at the most inopportune time, because that's just what he does.  He started putting things in the hall outside his room, dumping his stuffed animals in Carter's room, and generally making a mess.  He stirred up a bunch of dust but of course refused to grab the vacuum or a duster to clean it all up--he'd rather just complain and insist he can't sleep in there.  It's not that these things didn't need to happen, but I wish he would have waited for a time when it was a bit more convenient and we could have directed him more.  It did force Craig to go through a few of the Playmobil bins and add some of Jacob's stuff to another existing bin.  As he did it, I warned him that when I took everything out of Carter's room, it was all going to get combined into one large bin to either get sorted or stored.  I reminded him that Carter absolutely will not play with that stuff because it's all mixed up and he can't be bothered to dig through, so we should either put it away or sort out certain sets, like the hockey guys or soccer guys, to put in separate smaller bins so they're easier to play with.  It's pointless to have them taking up space we don't have if they're not going to get used.  So, stay tuned for that battle.  Jacob still wants to get rid of the chair, but that takes a lot of effort because we have to take his door off its hinges and somehow move it out to the curb between the three of us.  It's so giant.  I still don't know what he thinks he needs all this room for, aside from some stretching.  He still wants a table so I took a picture over the weekend of the table in the crawlspace we have that I suggested we use in his room, even just temporarily, and he totally shot it down.  Ugh.  I really want to test drive things before we spend money on his whims, if at all possible.  I still think he's being a little rash with some of these decisions, so before we start tossing things and buying things, I want to make sure it's all thought through...especially because when we toss that chair, there's no going back.  Oh, and he wants to sell the million sports cards in his room (most of them were given to us by my parents' friends) at a bargain for whatever cash he can get because I told him if he wants to buy a suit instead of rent a tux for the prom he's supposed to be going to (! - random story for another day) that maybe he should pay for it himself.  Apparently he decided a few bucks from the cards to offset it would be better than using his bank account.  But I think he needs to be a bit more responsible about it, and Craig's willing to help, but sometimes he just goes full speed ahead just to get it done and doesn't think through the long-term consequences or possibilities.  So, now there's a bunch of stuff in our hallway that we need to find homes for quickly.  Lovely.

Anyway, most of break week was otherwise pretty typical.  Carter spent a lot of time refining his magnetic tile mini golf and playing video games, and Jacob had some very long practice days in the midst of sectionals.  They had their first game on Tuesday, the game Craig's parents came in for which necessitated the previously mentioned house clean-up.  Yeah, crazy.  My cousin Lori and her husband Kevin came as well.  My parents would have come but my dad was still getting over a bad cold (possibly COVID) he got on their recent cruise.  My mom never caught it but he had a faint positive when he tested back at home.  The first game was a total cakewalk against a team that's won one game in the last two years.  The wife of the head coach happens to be a former co-worker of ours and the person who got my foot in the door for my current job.  Her husband is s a trooper because it cannot be easy to lose like that all the time.  We were up 37-0 to start the game.  It was nice to see some of the bench players get in, and one who hardly ever got to play and is a senior this year actually got two threes, which thrilled all of us but especially his dad.  He has been such a dedicated fan, cheering hard game in and game out, even if his kid only logged about half a game of playing time all season.  Definitely a feel-good moment.  Jacob had a nice game himself with five three-pointers.  Their next game was set for Friday. 

I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to have two days off work as part of a four-day weekend.  Every time I realized I still had a weekend coming on top of my two days, it just gave me a sense of peace and relief I hadn't felt in a while.  Work is a bit stressful right now for a few reasons, so I think the time did me good--despite the 100 emails I came back to on Monday.  It gave me a chance to work through some tasks around the house, like fixing a sweater and doing some laundry and taking down those winter decorations that were bugging me.  It just gave me some mental space.  Not to mention I was able to sleep in a bit all week and not pack lunches!  I wanted to have more time to do fun things with Carter, but in the end we had to settle for some frisbee on Friday.  The temperature was right around 50 but it was nice and sunny so we headed over to his school with his new Aerobie that he got for his birthday.  We had a lot of fun and tired ourselves out throwing it back and forth.

This was a common sight, us chasing a rolling ring as it landed near us but just out of our grasp!

Zoom in and you can see him throwing it!

Shortly after we got home it was time to leave for Jacob's game.  It was an hour away, past Canandaigua, at the same school where his state sub-regional game was at the end of last season.  The sky was once again doing funky things on the way there.  Last year was a glorious sunset with a cool ice crystal column, and this year there were dramatic clouds and a very orange sun peeking out just as we got there.

We knew we were going up against a tough team so it was far from a sure thing.  I thought the guys were playing well and we had a shot, but it was bittersweet watching intros knowing that might be it for the season, and forever for the seniors. 

Luckily, the one senior that had been injured with the wonky pinky (and then an ankle badly sprained in gym class) did get to play.  He was clearly uncomfortable, but it turned out we needed him and I was thankful he got a game in since he couldn't play on senior night.  The game itself was a bit frustrating because we ended up with a ton of fouls.  I can't fathom that the other team was super clean and we were that bad--one of the moms from last travel season came to watch (there's an off-chance her son might transfer) and wondered how we were supposed to even play defense since we got a foul any time we got near them--but in the end we had three players foul out and another on the verge.  There were also a few other calls that boggled the mind a bit.  Jacob ended up with 17 points, but it should have been 19 because they called a foul as he was shooting a two and they said the foul happened before he shot, but he insists it was mid-shot and we thought so too.  We kept it pretty close almost the whole game, particularly near the end, but ended up losing by seven.  It was so disappointing.  A couple of the seniors were in tears, including the one that barely played and got the six points the previous game.  It's hard for kids who won't be playing in college--it's definitely the end of an era for them to be on a team like this.  It was pretty heartbreaking, and it felt even crappier when Jacob's old team got a pretty easy draw and advanced in the second round.  I don't wish ill will on anyone, but I'll admit it was a bit of relief when they lost in the third round, just because we don't need "Mr. Grass-is-Greener" second-guessing his decisions any more than he usually does, and that would be bound to happen if his old team played in the championship again.  They actually moved down a couple classes after losing Jacob, two seniors, and another kid who transferred out (whereas his current team moved up despite losing about eight kids, because Jacob and another guy transferred in somewhat controversially--it's all very political), so we figured they might have a cakewalk to the finals...but nope, they had a terrible second half and lost by a bunch.  So at least we don't have to listen to Jacob do the coulda-shoulda thing over his old team for the next week.  I think it's killing him a little to not be in the middle of it this year, but I know he'll do everything in his power to get his team to rise to the occasion next year.  In the meantime he'll settle for getting in some shooting on the court at the arena when it goes down for championship weekend.

So, basketball is over for him, Carter has a mere three games left, and then we have a little break until travel season.  But that may be on hold for a bit as Jacob is nursing yet another injury.  He was going to take some time off anyway because he really wanted to get his shin splits 100% cleared up before playing again, but then he tweaked his ankle before the last game and it's been swelled up a bit since.  He suspects he broke it again (same one as last spring) but we're not convinced because he's not really in pain, it's just swelled.  He thinks it's on the bone because that part hurt to touch (I guess it's better now), but we're giving it a few days to chill, just in case.  I'm guessing he will insist upon an x-ray soon if it doesn't get better quickly.  His coach actually wants him to join the track team to up his speed, but we're pretty convinced that would be about the worst thing for him since running was what brought on the shin splints in the first place.  I think some agility training would be just as effective, but either way we'll be getting input from his trainer first and he'll probably do some running analysis with the UR Sports Medicine/Orthopaedic folks.  If he misses the first week of travel we're not sad because that's Easter weekend.  The second week is Grand Rapids (ugh) and the third week I'd prefer to go to Hamilton/Toronto with Craig and Carter, but we'll see how the next few weeks go to see if we need to delay beyond week one.

The other big sports news is that Carter is officially switching sports--for now, anyway.  He was going back and forth about soccer and baseball so we hadn't registered for soccer yet.  Soccer was more logical but we could tell his heart has increasingly been with baseball, but then his soccer age group filled up more than a month before registration ended.  So, we registered him for baseball but he's going to be playing down a level to make sure he's not a detriment to the team since he's never played a full season.  Some kids he'll be playing with may have five seasons under their belt already, so he could still be a bit out of his element, but let's hope not.  He's excited, I'm nervous, but we'll just see how it goes.  He can still do soccer camps and maybe do fall soccer to keep up on it (I've said that it would be nice to stick with it through 7th grade to see if he could make modified), and I guess we'll see how things play out with baseball to decide where we go from there.  Of course, today they just opened up more soccer spots, but he's pretty content sticking with baseball.  I hope it works out for him.

So, that's about where things stand right now.  The weather has done some funky things the last few days--70 yesterday, 64 today, then a rapid temperature drop that led to temps in the 20s, 50mph wind gusts, and snow tonight.  It even blew out our porch ceiling this afternoon--nothing like a moderately panicked call from Jacob with that news--but Craig put it back up so it's fine for now--but I think something needs to be edited once the wind dies down because it still looks off.  But it'll be back in the 50s and 60s in a couple days, making this possibly warmest winter ever even weirder.  So strange considering nine years ago this month was the coldest February ever and even just last year they had to postpone Jacob's basketball championship due to a snowy forecast this time of year.  So, anyway, if life isn't weird enough, the weather is doing its best to make it weirder.  Never a dull moment...ever.

Cleaning House

I finally realized last week why my house was stressing me out so badly.  No matter where I looked in the house, I saw another item on my to-do list.  Crumbs on that counter.  Cabinets that need wiping down.  Dishes that need to be washed or put away.  Toys that need sorting and reorganizing.  Every surface needing dusting or vacuuming.  Mountains of laundry.  Paper piles that need to be sorted through.  Calls I need to make or emails I need to reply to.  Dirty marks or water spots on walls and railings (because Carter's handwashing and drying is suspect at best).  Areas that need better organization.  Toothpaste, puddles, splashes, and steamed-on dust on every bathroom surface.  Windows that should be washed.  Winter gear dating back to the toddler era that needs to be sorted.  Items that need to be donated.  The list could go on infinitely, and could certainly expand beyond basic housekeeping to whole-house issues like carpet cleaning, roof replacement, or the kitchen renovation I've been putting off for almost four years now.  I realized that no matter where I looked, there was something that needed attention.

My house is supposed to be my refuge, but instead I realized every part of it represented something that needed to be done, and it was causing me major stress.  These days I just don't have the energy or mental space to do it all.  I don't really know what happened.  I guess my kids got older and more independent and never figured out how to clean up after themselves, despite my best efforts.  We have more stuff, which means working around more things just to do the same amount of cleaning.  The pandemic meant we were here all the time, making the mess bigger, and yet no one else was ever in our house so the motivation to keep up was less, so a lot of the less frequent tasks got pushed off longer and became even more work.  And when the pandemic completely sucked the life out of me in many ways, self care became more important and cleaning didn't feel like self care unless it was reducing the chaos.  Now, even though the pandemic stress has dissipated, there are a lot of things that still feel harder than they used to, and keeping up with the housework is one of them.  In the kitchen, I feel like I spend so much time wiping down counters and the sink and taking care of dishes (on top of cooking), and yet everything is still always dirty.  I feel the same way about the bathroom.  It is a never-ending challenge to mop up counter puddles and toothpaste splatters. Time flies fast, so I know it's been longer than it should be between vacuuming or dusting in other areas of the house, but the daily stuff takes so much time that I just don't have the energy to do the big stuff as frequently as I should.

The biggest issue is probably that I feel like it's all on me to do everything because my family is either incapable or unwilling to help--at least in the time frame I would prefer most of the time.  I try to get the kids on board, but ADHD makes that stuff even more of a challenge, and there has to be a balance between incessant reminders and flat-out nagging or I will lose them completely.  Picking my battles with challenging kids was necessary to maintain a relationship for all these years, but now it's getting hard to get them back out of bad habits even though they are old enough to start doing some of these things more regularly.  It's not laziness (most of the time), but some challenging "executive dysfunction" that I understand because I deal with it too...but I just don't have the luxury of letting it go on indefinitely, or our house would be a hazard.  As it is I try to remind them constantly to pick up their things, but half the time Jacob says he doesn't have time (he was barely home for the last four months, only a couple hours a day most of the time, but still...), and half the time I'm not sure either kid can even think through what certain tasks entail.  Jacob can't be bothered to walk an extra step to use his hamper half the time, and just getting him to gather up bottles and dishes is a chore.  Carter is good about those things but has zero concept of "everything should have its place" so even if he's willing to pick something up and put it away, most of the time he's not even sure where something should go.  I'll get into this more in a minute, but part of the reorganization of his room is about creating gathering places for things like that--for example, he already has a junk drawer for miscellaneous little toys, and soon he'll have set spots for his fidget toys and his school supplies.  So hopefully that means those will be easier for him to recognize as "home base" for things that make their way out into the rest of the house and need to be put away. 

I could be wrong, but I feel like Craig used to do more.  I think he's similarly extra tired and his mind is too preoccupied to notice the mess a lot of the time.  For example, the basement was originally supposed to be his domain because he has so many tchochkes down there, and it hasn't been dusted in ages.  And even though he and Jacob are responsible for nearly all the returnable cans and bottles in our garage, he rarely remembers to take them back to Wegmans, which means I need to tack on 20 minutes to my shopping trips just to keep the piles of bags at bay.  I also think sometimes he avoids tasks because assumes he'll do it wrong or I'll get annoyed with how he does it, so he just doesn't.  The other day he took out the giant box from Carter's desk to the trash, and I specifically asked him if he took out the styrofoam.  He said yes, but then I went to put things in the recycling bin and I realized he put it all in there instead of the garbage.  It's moments like that where I have to be really careful how I "remind" him when things need to be done a certain way, because I don't want him to not do it at all next time.  But every time something is done wrong or halfway, it often takes me more time than it would have taken to do it originally, and as those "acquired" tasks build up, it's unsustainable.  As any woman bearing the mental load will tell you, you want people to want to do it on their own, to realize they need to look around, see what needs to be done, and do it.  It's a huge burden to be the only one responsible to remind them when or how to do it, or to be the only one truly thinking through how to do it right.  I don't want to nag, but I need help--and that doesn't always just mean another set of hands.  I need the brain, too. 

I genuinely don't want to complain, but if I'm honest it's hard to be the only one thinking about this stuff most of the time.  I work full time too, and while Craig handles the majority of Jacob's shuttling around (which is a lot) and also travels for work, there's still so many things I can't tackle on my own.  On a larger scale, I don't want to be the only one deciding when it's time to get our roof done or get the carpets cleaned or think about getting our landscaping redone or our warping shutters repaired.  Those need to be team decisions, but I don't want to be the one bringing them up all the time, either.  I know he manages a lot and I try to be as much of a support as possible, but it's becoming clearer to me that I can't always do all the things.  Maybe I just need him to say out loud that he can't take on any more so I know he's not just being careless or taking me for granted, but either way...there is so much that needs to get done and some tasks are going on years.  In some cases it's like a larger version of when we had Jacob do chores--we'd ask him, purposely hold off ourselves so he had a chance to do it and earn his allowance, but then we'd have dirty floors and overflowing garbages so we had no choice but to do it ourselves--but the only difference here is that I have so many other things to handle that there's a lot I still haven't gotten to.  I don't know what the solution is--I've asked nicely, had tantrums, had temporary bursts of help that took the edge off--but it's still a heavy weight I'm carrying most days.

I will say that this past week we did a major cleanup around the house--not a full clean, but a really good panic clean--because Craig's parents decided to come in for Jacob's game on Tuesday and came to the house for dinner.  It was a pretty good team effort--including Craig cleaning the basement bathroom and managing some of Jacob's mess.  We managed to clear off the dining room table and clear a lot of the clutter, to the point the house almost looked functional.  For a couple days, anyway.  Now Jacob's stuff is all over the place again and the magnitude of the toy situation is back to overwhelming.  

I did realize in the midst of it all that the winter decorations were making me weirdly antsy.  I kept feeling like I should take down the Valentine's stuff and move into the pre-spring generic decor, but Valentine's usually stays up through the end of the month so I wasn't sure why I was feeling that way.  But I think because the weather has been mild, it was actually the winter stuff--snowmen, white trees, snowflake decor--that was bugging me, and I realized I'd feel much better about Valentine's staying up another week if the remaining winter stuff came down.  It helped way more than it should have, and bonus points that it's one less bin to pull out next weekend when I clear out all the red and hearts.  I'll pull up some blues and greens (limited St. Patty's decor) and maybe start easing into the Easter/spring stuff.  It might feel a little early, but we'll see.  The weather seems to be cooperating with thinking spring, so the decor might make more sense than it usually does, let alone that we have a super early Easter.

Anyway, I have tried in the nicest way possible to impart to my family that the clutter and the mess really does give me anxiety.  It makes me feel like my life is an endless to-do list of tasks to make our house livable, and it's discouraging that I'm expected to spend most of my free time doing those tasks alone.  If I cleaned as much as I should, I don't think I would have much free time at all.  Right now I get annoyed enough when I'm stuck in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up for a couple hours, then have to spend more time cleaning up the mail or clearing out school paper piles.  Even when I sit down I'm still thinking about the tasks I should be doing or feel guilty about not doing or feel stumped as to where to begin to do them.  It's mentally and often physically exhausting.  

I often compare a lot of things in life to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.  I learned about it in school, and while it made sense at the time, there are so many things I've experienced in life since that made it make that much more sense.  For example, I never realized how hard it was to be a good, functional parent when I wasn't getting enough sleep.  Or how I realized that my kids needed to feel loved and seen at a very basic level in order for them to listen to us or thrive in life or school.  Or even how editing big mistakes on work projects makes it that much clearer to see the smaller problems that still need addressing.  And I think cleaning my house works much the same--if I don't feel comfortable or relaxed in my house, it's hard to wrap my brain around any of the problems because my brain is trying to address the mental struggle first.  

I will say that the two exceptions to all of this are 1) I've mentioned before that I suspect I have a touch of ADHD, and one of my first clues was the paralysis I felt with certain projects around the house.  It was hard to start big projects because they all felt overwhelming.  So I sometimes have a tendency to do some smaller projects (related or not) just to gain some momentum and make the overall project seem more doable; and 2) I will often address some small, insignificant issue when everything else feels overwhelming and out of my control, just so I can control one small thing and feel a little more functional.  The other day I was obsessed with getting to Aldi because they were selling these string and rattan "bowl fillers" really cheap and I had a funky bowl I bought at the Corning Museum of Glass four years ago that I'd wanted to fill in a classy way.  I'd hesitated to spend $10 on ones I liked at Target, so imagine my joy that Aldi had ones I liked for $4.  It felt so nice to get those and have that task crossed off after about four years of debating with myself.  I also got a $4 gnome garland that can go on the fireplace until the Easter eggs go up.  It's technically a St. Patty's garland but Craig isn't a fan of the holiday so I got one with red bearded gnomes wearing green hats and interspersed with colorful pom-poms.  Little cheerful things like that make a weird difference sometimes.  Control the little things when the big ones seem too big, right?

Anyway, like I said, I don't want to complain, but I achieved a new level of clarity on this over the past couple weeks and as usual, this feels like the safest place to vent and work through it in my own mind.  Maybe it will make me a little less vicious and more well-spoken when I take another stab at getting my family on board.  I desperately want our household to function better, but it takes a team effort to make it more doable.  I want to feel comfortable having company without dedicating literally days worth of work to make things presentable, I want to enjoy my time at home without feeling guilty about all the things undone, and I want to love my family and not feel like the maid.  They all seem like such simple things but the reality is much more challenging.  I don't have any answers but I hope I can get them to understand...soon.

Strong Museum Leveled Up!

Sunday night was our annual, much anticipated Strong Museum night through the company that holds the investment my grandma set up for me.  We were really excited this year because a new wing opened since our last visit, so there was a bunch of new stuff to explore!  Jacob decided to stay home (he is such a party pooper sometimes...teenagers, ugh) but we weren't going to let that ruin our fun!  When we got there, we went through the parking ramp to the new entrance, which is actually closer to the original entrance than the temporary one was last year.  We could get a glimpse of the new wing above us, but opted to walk through the museum to try to find the entrance to the new outside board game garden, which was actually at the far end of the museum.  Unfortunately they had it roped off, but the glimpses we could get from outside made it look pretty cool.  Maybe another day.  

Since we were right there, we opted to go to the nearby pinball room and play a few games.  We did some of our favorite themes - Indiana Jones, Simpsons, Super Mario, Tron, Ghostbusters - and then Carter and I found this odd baseball one where you pick a pitch and press a button to swing at the ball with a "bat".  A miss could be a ball or strike, but if you hit it, it determines whether you got a hit or out based on lights lit in the outfield where your ball rolled.  It was fun trying to get a home run when a ramp popped up around the pitcher's mound.

After that we skipped past all of the usual stuff to make a beeline to the new stuff!  After all, we only had a couple hours so we wanted to cram in as much as we could.  Off one of the main play areas upstairs, there was the route to the new stuff, starting with a whole section on the game "Age of Empires".  Carter liked the throne!

I don't think any of us had played that game so we just walked through.  I have to think a big donor was the one who decided to do an entire section based on that because it seemed a little random to dedicate that much space to one specific game, and to my knowledge, one that isn't that particularly noteworthy.  I mean, it's been around close to 20 years and I'm sure it was influential, but how many other games are more well-known and impactful?  I feel like with that criteria it could have been The Sims or Mario or pretty much anything else that has influenced gaming over the last 40 years.  But knowing what I know from my job, money talks, I think.

The new Digital Worlds section nearby was pretty nuts.  There were statues and fun character portraits on the way in.

 
There was also a giant Donkey Kong game!

Brings back memories of our old Atari!

They had been promoting these OLED butterflies as a sponsorship opportunity around when the wing opened.  They actually weren't as cool as I thought they'd be, but they were a nice touch over the new entrance.  Supposedly they're interactive through augmented reality and have a name digitally attached to each one, but I haven't determined how you experience them.  They flickered but I didn't see anything that would indicate how they worked.  I don't know, it wasn't what I expected--I think even the lights were almost too bright to really enjoy the colors.  It's still pretty, but oh well.

The main play area was really interesting.  You got a bracelet and you could scan into activities.  You can make an avatar, play interactive games or old arcade games for free, vote on things, etc.  It was cute but seemed a little over the top and some games were hard to get the hang of, which is tough when you're likely dealing with crowds and just trying to get through things efficiently.  There was one where you'd try to roll a ball within its holder to move a ball on the screen, and it was like a big exercise ball that was too rubbery to move smoothly.  There was another with dice rolling that didn't read the dice right.  Don't get me wrong, a lot of it was cool, but the learning curve on some made it seem like a better thing for someone who might frequent the museum more often.  It was also a better big kid area for the most part, but they did have a couple cute things, like a real version of one of those online games where people ask for a meal and you needed to pick the right ingredients.  It used rather realistic play food that you'd throw into a bowl, and it would sense whether or not you did it right. 

You really know you're old when your toys start showing up en masse in a museum.  There are plenty of toys elsewhere, too, but I had the orange Speak 'n' Spell below, as well as the blue one that's second from the bottom on the right.  That one is a Game & Watch with a Super Mario theme.  And of course I really wanted the top right...but that was one Christmas wish that never happened.  This looked like a vending machine, and on this one you could use the keypad to vote for your favorite and the most important.

This was a game where it would sense your movement and move through the course.

These were big screens to show our custom avatars when we scanned in. 

The whole area was huge.  This was just one space and there were a couple other rooms this big.

Craig and Carter played an NBA Jam game and Carter and I played an old sit-down space shooting game that shook when you were hit.  I played an old school Tetris video game and did pretty good--I think I quit around the 5th level.

This was a demolition derby game.  The steering wasn't very intuitive, but we had fun. 

We wrapped up our time in that space, dropped off our bracelets, and moved on to the very fancy World Video Game Hall of Fame.  It was really cool.  We didn't have a lot of time to look at the exhibits (maybe next time), but we played a bunch!

There was a giant Pong game on an old school TV, but my picture turned out blurry.  I played the real thing back on my little B&W TV thanks to my uncle letting me borrow his back in the early 90s.  This felt harder!  There was also an old school football game with little light blips as players!

There were a bunch of big screens you could play on, but sadly the Super Mario game wasn't working.  I think the boys are playing Mortal Kombat here.

Here was another piece of my history in the museum--I had that same box of "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego", except that was a Mac version and mine was an Apple II GS version.  I LOVED that game and played it all the time.

There was a giant Pac-Man battle game with eight players and you could watch it on the wall.  You could set up smoke screens (to hide from ghosts?) and get big and eat other Pac-Mans.  It was chaos!

After we wrapped up there, the boys ran off to play in the main video arcade for a bit--bubble hockey was calling!--and I decided to try to get into the butterfly garden for a bit.  As much as I used to hate it--and still cringe and duck when they fly past me--I really enjoy trying to get pictures.  Last year I dragged poor Carter up and down the paths there trying to get a picture of a blue morpho with its wings open, and what was the first pic I got this year?  You betcha.

This is one with the wings closed, but this is probably a pretty as that moth-like look gets!

They were really up for posing that night, I think.

I mean...orange on orange?  Yes please.

This one sat in place for almost the whole time I was there.

After I joined back up with the boys, we popped into the short-term Barbie exhibit for a minute, just to see what was there (for my benefit, clearly) and Carter took my picture on the surfboard!

It was closing time, but we couldn't leave without a visit to the crooked room.  It's Carter's favorite and I have to admit, it is always a fun mind trip!  I finally figured out it looks cooler if you try to make the room look straight and let yourself be crooked.

Here's the video--I held it with the natural slant originally and then when Carter tried a second time, I turned it so you get the weird tilt.

It's so weird!  It did make Craig and me a bit dizzier this time.  It really messes with your head, and I think it's because your brain is trying to stabilize you--compensating for the tilt but also being confused by what it's seeing.  It's so weird and very hard to walk through...but we love it!

I grabbed some fish pics on the way out, as usual. 

This one below was new.  You could color a fish, scan it, and have it appear in the aquarium.  We didn't have time, but it looked cool (almost real from a distance) and if you look close you can see that some are more scribbled than others.  It's really cute and I'd like to do it next time.

On the way out I grabbed a couple pics from the parking ramp looking at the game park. 

Hopefully we can sneak in a visit another time to see that and hit up the stuff we didn't get a chance to do this time.  Not that we haven't done most of it before, but there is always new stuff on display and there are things we like to do repeatedly.  If I'm home when Carter has his one random late April day off (I was with Jacob last year, so he and Craig went to the science museum), maybe we can go here instead since it'll be manageable with mostly preschoolers and other Greece kids.  But you can't beat a free night with small crowds!  So happy we were able to enjoy it again--definitely a great way to kick off break week!

Birthday Week in Review

We had a pretty busy week to celebrate Carter's birthday, starting from the weekend before on.  That Friday it was over 60 degrees, which meant a lovely, long late afternoon walk for me before heading to Jacob's first game back from his shin splint flare-up (a tough loss where he didn't play as much as expected).  On Saturday we had Carter's fourth game of the season.  He managed to score his first points of the season, but sadly his team also suffered their first loss.  Trust me that he took this shot--I was a little late hitting record:

 
He and I went to the Knighthawks game that night.  Jacob opted not to go and Carter figured it was better to go to the game with me than stay home being tortured by Jacob and his (loud) music tastes all night.  We had to park across the river, so we took a minute to grab a shot with this fun public art outside the library.

The game ended up being a pretty good one.  We wandered around saying hi to people since it was my first game of the season, then sat down to watch a nice comeback that ultimately fell a bit short.  

Sunday was the Super Bowl.  We had ordered food ahead from our favorite gluten-free place, so that was pretty much the big activity for the day, driving a half hour there and back to get it.  The other "excitement" was waking up to two cats in our tree.  A couple weeks ago I noticed two neighborhood strays running through the yard.  One looked familiar and other one was new--we watch the local strays closely and have given them all names, but this tan one with a darker head was new.  A couple days later I saw the new one climbing our tree in the back of the yard!  We joked about having to call the fire department like they do in the movie "Pleasantville" for cats stuck in trees (if you recall, because fire didn't exist, the firemen only handled cats...and when fire arrived, they had to yell "Cat" to get them to come put it out).  Apparently this one knew how to get down.  But Sunday morning I happened to look out and see both cats up in our tree.  The one was originally near top branch fork, but was working its way down by the time I took a picture.  You can just make out the two lumps.  They were still a good ways up, probably 20-30 feet!  One eventually ended up on our shed roof later.  Crazy cats...but they can stay if they eat the shed mice!

Tuesday was senior night at Jacob's basketball game, which meant he once again didn't play as much as we would have liked since the seniors got a lot of time.  It'll be tough seeing them go, especially because a couple are good players.  Jacob did manage five points in a game shortened by a few minutes because a spectator almost got in a fight with the opposing coach.  These charter school vs. charter school games are always wild.

Wednesday was Valentine's Day.  It was the first of two straight days of in-person work events for me, which made the day even more hectic.  I enjoyed the hot cocoa bar back at the office, but I was so scattered all day that I barely got to check my work email until about 3:45.  Never a good basis for a work day.  I rushed home after that and worked on our fancy dinner--lobster tails for me and the boys, and salmon for Craig, with roasted baby potatoes, corn, and cheddar bay biscuits, plus gluten-free, dairy-free (store-bought) cheesecake for dessert.  Dinner was great, but then I had to gather up the Valentine's gifts for the boys and start wrapping Carter's birthday gifts.  Long, busy, tiring day for me!

Thursday ended up being a weird day.  The boys went off to school, I had to go in for another event, and over the course of the day plans for our evening went back and forth.  Jacob had a game that night in Niagara Falls.  Originally we were going to go as a family and try to make it special for Carter with a fun dinner before.  But then Jacob was told he wasn't going to play because his coach wanted to rest him in preparation for sectionals the following Tuesday.  We weren't thrilled with that because limited play the prior two games made us feel like he wasn't really back in the groove yet.  It was also a bummer since some family wanted to come see him, but that meant Carter and I could stay home and go out for a fun birthday dinner.  But that afternoon, we found out he WAS going to play, and I debated what we should do.  But between a wave of snow, the timing of getting back from my event, and Carter's birthday, it ended up that only Craig went and Carter and I stayed home.  I hated to miss the game (especially since he ended up with 14 points), but I knew Carter would appreciate it.

We did gifts quickly before Craig left.

First he got the movie "Megamind"...

Then some video game headphones so Jacob can't claim his back at inopportune times...

Then an Aerobie because we had so much fun throwing a randomly-found frisbee over at his school in the fall...and now we want to take it up a notch!

And then he got some additional magnetic tiles.  

We'll get to more on those in a bit.  He had one other package in his stack.  It was two cube storage bins with a note that said to enjoy another summer of Darien Lake season passes, and also that those storage cubes were a clue to one more gift.  I led him downstairs to a giant box in our office wrapped in a sheet.

Pardon the mess behind him--there's a bunch of stuff waiting to be posted on the Buy Nothing page sitting in that room right now.

He took off the elastic bands I had used to keep the sheet on and unwrapped it to find a new desk for his room! 

It may not be exciting for him right now, especially because it means a huge organization process in his room, but I think he will like having his own homework space once it's all set up.  Of course, I put it together Saturday night and got a little overly distracted by the music quiz games we kept doing on YouTube as a family (essentially "Name that Tune" where it plays the first few seconds of a series of Disney songs or five decades worth of mainstream hits) so I screwed up something on the desk.  That meant I had to pull the backing off the one side and sadly it ripped a little too much so I have to order a new piece for that.  Sort of a pain, but I'm going to try to press forward with the project this week while Carter is off school, even if it means filling and re-emptying the desk once the piece comes in.  It's so important to get his room in order because it's a bit of a wreck and it's filled with things he barely uses--either because he's outgrown them or because he can't be bothered to look through them and decide he wants to play with them.  It's the "joy" of ADHD that he defaults to the easiest thing rather than looking through his toy areas until he finds something that interests him.  So we need to sort through the books and toys and make sure he's clear on what he has and make it easier to find things.  

Of course now Jacob is having thoughts on his room, like wanting to remove the bookshelf and giant armchair and replace them with a recliner (so he can do his leg therapy) and a table (?).  Of course he's unimpressed by my idea of using hand-me-downs we already have in the crawl space to test out if the setup is really what he's looking for before we go spend a couple hundred bucks, but we'll work on it.  He's at the age where I guess it makes sense to re-think his space and make it more comfortable for him, but sometimes his ideas aren't realistic or well-thought-out, so they end up frustrating.  Like he said he wanted "hooks" and just assumed we could figure it out.  I told him to find something on Amazon that fit what he wanted, to which he had some remark about how much cheap garbage is on Amazon, to which I explained that I was just looking for a style, not something specific to purchase.  And of course what he picked was nothing like I was thinking he meant.  But again, getting to that point with his room will take some work on his part, and we have to beg him just to clean bottles and cups out of his room, so we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, despite the cold, snowy night, Carter and I ventured out for a birthday dinner.  He picked Texas Roadhouse, and while I figured most people ate out the night before, the place was packed.  We had to wait about 20 minutes or so.  Our dinner was tasty--lots of rolls, of course, plus a steak kabob for me and mini burgers for Carter.  We were stuffed!  We got home just in time for Jacob's game to be over, so we missed the streaming.  As I said, he had a good game and his team made a heck of an effort against a state-ranked team.  But at least Carter got to have a fun night out for his birthday at a place we rarely go.  I had a later night than would be ideal waiting for them to get home, but thankfully Friday was a work-from-home day for me and was able to be a bit lower key to just get through the week and on to February break!

As I mentioned, Carter asked for magnetic tiles for his birthday.  We already have a ton of them, but he likes to build giant forts for the boys' army guy/Lego/Playmobil battles and he kept running out of squares.  Even though he may be on the verge of outgrowing them, I figured if it encouraged him to do something not on a screen, it was worth it as long as it lasted.  So I found a set with a lot of squares and he was thrilled to get building on Friday night.  He created a car ramp, and I played around with a ball drop design from a magnetic tile social media account.   

 

We eventually worked on a really tall tower, and this is where we ended up!

We figure it was about 5'8", because it towered over me too!  He's been hard at work on mini golf holes ever since.  It was an idea from social media as well, and he just ran with it.  It's a little hard to see (maybe click to zoom in) but the ball goes up a ramp and there are holes for it to drop into--and sometimes it tricks you into a hole that's not the best route to the real hole.  He's done a good job and it's nice to see him working on something without a screen.

Carter's team had a big win on Saturday over a team that was depleted from either illness or February break travel, and we had dinner out that night before the music trivia session and my ill-fated desk assembly.  Otherwise, we enjoyed Craig's last weekend off until late April (boo).  I did my monthly coffee date with a friend on Sunday afternoon, and then we had one more fun activity for the weekend, but that will get its own post! 

So, now we have an 11-year-old, a living room full of magnetic tiles, and sectional basketball is upon us--probably for less time than last year, but we'll see!

Eleven

Dear Carter,

Eleven...wow.  Ten was a big deal but 11 hits different.  Now you're not just double digits, you're in the middle of "tweenhood" and just a couple years from being a teenager!  I'm not sure I'm ready for two teenagers in the house so I'm going to hold on to the next two years as tightly as I can!

I'll admit I'm actually a little scared because 11 is when your brother really started growing up.  By the time he turned 12 he had pretty much caught up to me in height.  He didn't start looking more "manly" until closer to 13 but to know that's even in sight is getting a little scary to me.  I have absolutely loved having you as my little boy, even as you've gotten big.  I know you probably won't pass me in height quite as quickly as Jacob, but I worry about what happens when the big kid attitude fully arrives.  I'm going to do whatever I can to keep our bond so the impact of that is as minimal as possible, but I see tiny glimpses of it now and I'm scared to lose my buddy.  You have held that role for almost the entire last 11 years (we had a couple tough years around the pandemic), so I don't know how it will feel for that relationship to change.  I suppose if I can still function with Jacob--who was always pretty much only Dad's buddy--we may be okay, but I just know now more than ever how close we're getting to finding out.

The last year was full of lots of new adventures for us, and I absolutely loved it!  As I predicted in last year's birthday letter, our playground visits did decrease a bit, but we made up for it with other things.  We had one amazing playground day last spring and checked out a few others when we had the chance, but amusement parks really took over this year.  We officially got you on Ride of Steel at Darien Lake, finally got to Cedar Point and rocked it, and conquered Disney all over again.  We also had what was probably my favorite day of the year when we were in St. Louis and did both the Chihuly exhibit and City Museum in one day.  The next day of the Arch and baseball game was fun, too, but City Museum alone was an unforgettable adventure and wouldn't have been nearly as much fun without you to share the craziness with!  We had a fun year, for sure!  

Last year's letter included a series of selfies and it made me smile looking at them again the other day, so here we go again!

Last year I said we needed to work on your independence a bit, and we did.  You are now good to do your own breakfasts and put yourself to bed.  I miss our snuggles sometimes, but it's all part of growing up--and we had a lot more years of that than most.  You are also mostly picking out your own clothes, but matching is a challenge sometimes so I think you tend to pick the same handful of shirts!  But we're getting there!  Organizing your school life is a bit of a beast--you do pretty well keeping your homework straight, but bringing the right things home is sometimes an issue, as is keeping stuff from becoming a crumpled mess in your bag, so I can't imagine what locker life will bring--assuming you do better than your brother and actually use one!  I can't believe you're months away from being done with elementary school.  You've done so well this year with being a safety, being part of chorus and orchestra, and trying to be involved as much as you can.  I'm so proud of you for that, because that is definitely an area where your brother lacked a bit.  You take such pride in what you do and I know when we question your effort in a certain area it can hurt.  You are definitely more sensitive than your brother was, and you care more what people think.  I know how bad you want to win "Superhero of the Month" at school and how much it would mean to you because you try so hard.  Your brother has always been completely unphased by stuff like that--hence the shrugged shoulders after his fifth grade moving-up ceremony where he was one of the few who went awardless despite being a pretty good student.  You have to work harder and I think people see that, but sometimes it still goes more unacknowledged than we'd like.  I was definitely more like you, wanting that validation, so I get it.  And I'm trying to be sensitive to your efforts and find ways to encourage them, so hopefully with a little teamwork we'll get you middle-school-ready in time.

We're still struggling through the screen time stuff (what else is new?), but sometimes when I call you out you embrace an activity really well--like this past weekend when you did a marble run by yourself or when you build an epic magnetic tile fort after Jacob "accidentally" knocks yours down--and it makes me wish you'd do it more because I think it would help you in a lot of ways.  That sort of stuff will slow your brain and help your creativity and your fine motor skills.  I actually want to do more of that stuff myself, too, but a lot of that will depend on getting your homework station moved up to your room and clearing off the dining room table for my puzzles and diamond painting.  Speaking of which, we have a lot of work to do on your room, moving it into the big kid era with a desk and editing down your toys and books.  I just can't believe we're at that point already--seems like I just did that with your brother, and hopefully all those books on his shelf that went untouched might have a better shot with you.  Regardless, I blinked and boom, here we are.

Speaking of your brother, you two are still an odd pairing.  I feel like you're making progress finding things to bond over, but there are still so many battles.  He judges how you live your life, and you get upset when he beats you at video games or gets domineering.  He knows how to push your buttons and takes great delight in doing so.  I don't know why he insists on bullying you, but if you ask him, he'd probably say he's trying to toughen you up and make you a better person/athlete/gamer, but he doesn't realize that his methods probably aren't the best way to go about it.  He doesn't like it when people do that to him, so it's ironic he doesn't see that he's doing the same thing to you.  It's frustrating, but I still feel like maybe there's a chance someday you'll find value in each other.  He just needs to lay off and let you carve your own path.  

I've always said that you saved me as a parent.  When everything was hard with your brother, you were the one who made me feel like I wasn't a complete failure.  If you were a good kid I had to be doing something right.  Your smiles and giggles made me happy at a time when parenting was really hard.  As you've grown, you have brought out a fun side that I think I lost a bit somewhere along the way.  I love to explore and experience new things, and you're a great partner in that.  Your brother only found sports interesting, so it's been fun to do all the things he never cared about.  You find joy in little things like fun snacks or a cool playground or something fun at school, and I love that.  That's one of the keys to happiness in life, finding joy and fun in the little things, and you've still got that ability--unlike Jacob who usually sees the worst and has no issue skipping every cool thing in town when we travel.  Seeing the world that way is something I strive for, and you help me do it.  I am trying to cram in as much of it while we still can, while you still don't mind hanging out with me.  

I just can't believe you're turning 11.  But I'm also excited and thankful because it's a blessing to watch your kids grow, even as it's hard to leave behind certain stages and look toward when you'll let them go.  I know we're not there yet, but we're starting to turn a corner.  I know how quick it happened with Jacob and now you're next.  I'm excited to see where you go, though, and I'll be here every step of the way, hoping I can keep our adventures coming.  Happy Birthday Carter!

Love, 

Mom