Just when I thought I had it covered...

This weekend's trip has been on my radar for a couple months, knowing it was the one basketball trip I'd be covering solo.  It was Knighthawks' training camp opening weekend, so Craig had to work.  He'd made a deal to be off for the Spooky Nook trip in Pennsylvania next weekend so this one was pretty much non-negotiable.  I didn't love the thought of wrangling both boys on a nearly four-hour trip, but over the past few weeks we worked out a few things and I finally felt pretty good about it.  We decided I could take my car instead of the van by moving Carter's seat behind me, which would let Jacob move his seat fully back for max leg room, and putting movies on my computer for Carter like I did for the Kennywood trip.  The van is definitely better for travel but I hate driving it around busy and less familiar areas like where we were staying, so I knew I'd feel better about my car.  At least we knew the area a bit from last year, enough to know where all the restaurants were, what stores were available, and the closest playground.  We were playing later in the day (or so the schedule initally said), so no crazy early mornings.  We had snacks from last weekend and had worked out some of our travel hiccups then, so I felt like we were going to be okay.

And then Carter came down with a cold.  He seemed a little extra sniffly on Thursday morning but otherwise felt okay, so we let him go to school.  He sometimes has congestion in the morning anyway and while it was clearly a bit worse, we couldn't really tell if it was worth keeping him home.  He had Friday off anyway, so it was just one day.  I told him if he felt worse during the day to just go to the nurse and I'd come get him since I was working from home.  He definitely had a little cough and complained about a sore throat by the time he came home, but he was in good spirits.  I read him a book that night but ended up not laying with him since it was late and he was still coughing and sniffly.  

I took off Friday since he was home for parent-teacher conference day.  I meant to test him in the morning, but he slept in for a bit and once he woke up I was busy packing and getting him set up with breakfast and clothes before I left for the parent-teacher conference.  The conference ended up being a whole other thing.  I didn't exactly expect his teacher to gush about him based on what he'd been saying about school, but it was considerably worse than I expected for a kid who does well on most of his assignments and has a number of stars on his behavior chart.  The teacher has a middle school background and seems a bit inflexible in regard to elementary kids being a bit more needy and irresponsible.  She was actually surprised to find out Carter is medicated for his ADHD because he's so high energy and rather disorganized.  I know that's an issue (I see his backpack daily and saw his desk at open house) and we've been encouraging him to be better about his folders and desk.  Apparently he's a bit overzealous pointing out when others make mistakes, and he's just not good at following certain directions or transitioning between activities, which wasn't a surprise either based on challenges at home.  Academically he's fine, but with his teacher knowing what it takes to be successful in middle school, I think she's trying to get him on track to do better.  That's understandable, but he is still just in fourth grade and there's a lot of maturing to do between now and then.  He definitely does rush through his work and make careless mistakes, and I wish we could get his writing looking a little more legible, but it's all a process.  His teacher definitely rubbed me the wrong way in a lot of ways, though.  She explained that his last teacher didn't really pass along any info on him that would have prepared her for his quirks, but since his last teacher was a great fit and never expressed any complaints about him, I guess maybe she didn't realize that he might not react the same to everyone.  I get that, but isn't your job as a teacher to adapt a bit?  She admitted some days she goes home and feels like she was mean to him, and trust me--I get it, he can be exasperating sometimes.  She asked me what I thought would help and I said that sometimes I don't think he hears or processes certain instructions because he's immersed in what he's doing and blocking everything else out.  So maybe don't assume he heard you and is being a jerk--be intentional about letting him know it's time to stop and make sure he heard you.  I am definitely going to talk to him as well because I think there are things he needs to work on--direct instructions he repeatedly defies like keeping his agenda out for her to review or not taking his rock collection out at dismissal--because he's making things harder for everyone by not following simple rules like that.  I did say I'd check with the doctor to see if his medicine dose is still appropriate after all the growing he's done in the past year, because it's possible he needs a bump if she's not seeing it at school.  So, that was all pretty disappointing, but I think we can get there.  It's just going to take work.  He's an earnest kid who wants to do well at school and wants to be liked, so I think if I can explain to him some of her struggles, maybe it will help him understand and give him some hope that he can improve his standing with her.  I think right now he feels like he can't do anything right in her eyes, so maybe he either doesn't make an effort or just assumes it won't matter, but if he makes a couple improvements and shows he's trying, it will go a long way.

Since we had the day off, Carter and I were planning on going to a playground a half hour away that he had been asking to go back to.  We were going to leave after the conference, but it was still really cold out so we were going to wait until after lunch and get back just in time to meet Jacob after school and get ready to leave for Albany.  I remembered as I was working on finishing packing that I still needed to test him.  If he had seemed significantly worse I was going to take him to the doctor to get the triple test (COVID, flu, RSV), plus a strep test since that had been in his class, but he said he felt a little better so we just did the COVID test at home.  He hates them so much--he sneezes so badly after getting swabbed--but we pushed through.  And imagine my disbelief as I looked down at the processing test as I threw out all of the packaging and there was already a visible line at the T.  Noooo.  Dammit, he was positive for COVID.  Well, sh**.  So much for our weekend.  

I panicked and called Craig to figure out what the heck we were going to do.  Carter clearly couldn't go on the trip, but Craig had to work, and we were all exposed, so what were the odds that Jacob or I could get through the weekend without getting sick ourselves?  I tested myself and was negative, and Craig tested too and was also negative.  We also had nearly $400 sunk into a hotel room and could not figure out how we might send Jacob with the team and get him checked in without an ID, or get him fed (obviously he can't eat just anywhere) or anything else.  It just didn't seem to work.  We decided that I would try to take him and just hope that my system could fight anything off long enough to get through the weekend.  I'd mask and keep bolstering my immune system with zinc and vitamin C, and take tests with me (along with a slew of cold medicine and DVDs to watch if I was stuck in the hotel room).  If I ended up positive, I'd just mask up and drop him off for games, then return to the hotel and wait.  It wouldn't be fun to mask all weekend, but it would be worth it if he could play.  His team was down a few players for the weekend so he was needed and would get to play more.  The plan had a million things that could go wrong, but we had to give it a try.

I finished packing and nervously waited for Jacob to get home from school.  Carter squirreled himself in the basement with a mask on and watched a movie.  When Jacob got home and I broke the news to him, in true Jacob fashion he ended up freaking out more about the fact that Carter was downstairs contaminating his Legos than the potential for any of us getting COVID or ruining his weekend.  Oy.  As a side note, did you know that you can't spray Legos with Lysol?  Apparently there's a chemical in it that breaks down the plastic.  I'm pretty sure I did a light spray after he had COVID, but I don't think it was significant...but oops.  Jacob was throwing out roadblocks to getting ready and leaving as a result, but finally put on a mask and moved everything to his satisfaction.  After some last-minute packing, we said goodbye to Carter (who would have to wait for Craig to get home later) and headed out.  We had a slow start with having to get gas, pick up some extra stuff at Wegmans, and stop downtown at Craig's office to grab the GPS and give him a couple things.  Eventually we were on the road with a 7:30 arrival estimate.

By some miracle, neither of us had to stop to use the bathroom and we kept ourselves occupied with snacks so we didn't need to stop for dinner.  I wanted to minimize the amount of dark driving I had to do, and in the end it was probably only about an hour.  We had a nice sunset in the rear view, which was nice.

The ride was actually really great, despite the fact I did the whole thing masked since I'd had more exposure to Carter than Jacob had, and it was more important to keep him healthy.  I was nervous about filling the time with a sometimes-grumpy teenager, especially once the whole weekend was called into question and could make his anxiety flare.  But we had great conversations the whole way.  We talked a lot about why his classmates and school policies confuse him, and I tried to explain a lot of it by hearkening back to my college years when I knew what it was like to be a struggling Christian trying to be responsible with my dating and figure out what God's will was for my life.  At his school, no one seems to be interested in dating, and the school forbids showing affection anyway.  Sometimes it's fun to have older kids and have more honest, I've-been-there type conversations because sometimes those can be more meaningful.  We talked about a lot of different stuff and kept ourselves occupied pretty well.  I was starting to drag a little bit by the last hour--worrying that my achiness from sitting in the same position for hours was actually COVID--but it was a relief to get to the hotel.  We did a late dinner at Five Guys around the corner, and then did a quick run to Walmart so I could buy a foam mattress topper to make the pull-out sofabed in the room a bit more comfortable.  We could only get a king with a sofabed from the team's block of rooms, and we tend to default to giving Jacob the comfortable bed so he plays well and isn't stiff.  If there's four of us he has to share, of course, but it was actually a good thing Carter wasn't with us because this one ended up being less than a full.  It would have been cozy!  I figured that I'd invest $20 in a topper that we can keep handy for future sofabed rooms.  It wasn't a perfect fix but it was better than nothing.

All in all, our day was a really good one.  Even Jacob admitted he was having fun with me--maybe more than Craig since Craig isn't as much of a talker on trips--and that was probably more than I could ask for, particularly at a time like this when we're struggling to connect at home.  We went to bed at a reasonable time and were happy to sleep in.  In the end, I didn't sleep great.  I was trying to sleep with a mask just in case, but it was really starting to hurt my ears so I had to quit around 3:30.  I was slightly uncomfortable for most of the night and flipped over a lot.  The other complication was that I was constantly sort of self-checking to see if I was noticing any symptoms cropping up.  Stuff like that tends to preoccupy me all night and it usually leaves me sleeping very lightly.  All things considered it wasn't a terrible night of sleep, but it was a little annoying knowing that Jacob was all spread out on the king bed!  At least the night was long enough in duration that I wasn't super exhausted in the morning.  

Our room was pretty cool and modern, though.  There was a fancy walk-in shower but an otherwise traditional bathroom, and once again the bed was on the wall opposite the bathroom, facing the windows.  The sofabed was cool and modern, and there was cool lighting and a funky cabinet with the fridge and microwave.  And lots of USB plugs!

The wooden thing is the cabinet hiding the fridge and microwave.  My suitcase is on an ottoman for the couch.  The TV had a changing shelf and the lamp behind the couch had plug and USB outlets.

This is the couch put back together, complete with a little side table.

We had a relatively lazy morning.  We finally left around 11 to visit a place right near the same Five Guys we ate at, a little spot called 518 Donuts.  They serve gluten-free chicken and donuts, along with a larger selection of regular donuts.  It wasn't cheap, but Jacob loved the chicken and we took a half dozen donuts to get him through the weekend.  I grabbed a Subway sub and we headed back to the room to eat and get ready for the first game.  

He was so excited about the chicken that he took a picture (and he's not a picture taker)!

Jacob's team was still having shooting problems like last weekend, but at least Jacob was not!  He scored four three-pointers in the first game!  It was great to see him get some points with the extra playing time he got.  Unfortunately, his team lost by 10 and he was kicking himself more for the two-pointer he missed near the end than celebrating the ones he did get.  We watched another team from his same organization play after that, and then it was back to game two.  He got two three-pointers in the second game, but the team still struggled and lost by 24.  That was such a bummer because they feel so much better than this.  Being down three players didn't help and they're just sort of generally struggling, but it still felt really disappointing.

Here's a sampling of his baskets:

We wrapped up the night by picking up Chipotle and hanging out in the room.  He left for a team meeting for a bit, and then we randomly watched some Bob Ross on PBS, which brought back good memories of my grandma, who painted herself and loved to watch him.  I decided Bob Ross and his simple teaching style is the reason we have paint-and-sip places today.

By bedtime I was definitely feeling a little bit of a headache.  I'd had maybe a little extra junk in my throat for parts of the day--nothing concerning, but knowing hoarseness and a sore throat were part of Carter's symptoms, it made me a little nervous.  But the headache (and possible body aches--hard to tell if it was just the crappy bed) was in and out and sort of hanging in there by the end of the day.  It didn't surprise me since that was a main symptom with the vaccines and especially when I got exposed, but it also didn't necessarily mean I was infected because that's what my body did while fighting it off previously.  I fully expected stuff like that might happen whether or not I ended up getting infected.  I could only hope that the worst of it would hold off for another 18 hours, but I knew that was a lot to ask.  I took some ZzzQuil to hopefully sleep through the uncomfortable bed, and hoped for the best.

Just after we turned the lights out, my phone rang.  Craig had called to tell me that Carter was now throwing up.  Lovely.  That was about the last thing he needed, but luckily Carter made it to the bathroom fine.  It turned out to be the only time he got sick and he kept everything down today.  Still, I felt guilty that I hadn't been there to support Carter and help Craig out.  

Jacob's team played a little after 10 the next morning.  That wasn't originally how the schedule looked but in the end we were thrilled to get an earlier slot so we weren't driving home so late.  I slept relatively well and we got up pretty much on time, but we didn't get out of the hotel quite when I wanted to.  I dropped him off and went back to grab a coffee and stop at Aldi (I wanted to see if their Aisle of Shame had anything ours didn't, or any good clearance deals) before heading back for the game.  Fortunately, his team finally pulled out a win, but because the other team was playing tight man-to-man defense, it wasn't a good matchup for Jacob and he only played a few minutes with zero shots.  Still, he was thankful for the win and seemed content with his coach's explanation that he "needed to make better decisions".  That was a relief since we've had a lot of less-than-satisfied rides home.

We headed out, stopping for more gluten-free chicken for him and McDonald's for me (it was the only thing I thought I could eat while driving), and then got on the road.  Unfortunately, it was like a switch flipped and the trip home was basically what I expected the trip there to be--Jacob was a less-than-ideal passenger.  He napped a bit (which was fine), stared at his phone, ignored most of my comments, and then got argumentative about a few things.  We had yet another fruitless chat about how he unfairly judges Carter.  He says that Carter doesn't make an effort to be his "best self", and I tried to explain that Jacob has no right to say what Carter's best self is, and just because Jacob knows what makes his own best self, that doesn't mean it's the same as Carter's or that Carter needs to know what his best self is at this age.  Carter is still trying to find his thing, and there's nothing yet that he is as passionate about as Jacob is about basketball.  Jacob needs to stop using himself as a measuring stick for others.  He was also complaining about how his future high school teammates don't seem to be focused on basketball based on their group chat via text, and I tried to remind him that some kids just play basketball for fun, so they're not going to be as laser-focused him.  That's not an excuse to dog it on the court, of course, but he needs to give a little grace to the kids that aren't aiming for a college scholarship and are just playing for the camaraderie and love of basketball.  And if he tries to hold them all to his same level of intensity on and off the court, he's going to alienate himself from them rather than making friendships.  If they're friends, they're more likely to want to play well and be a part of him achieving his goals, but if they're all just annoyed with him, they're going to focus on enjoying their season and not do him any favors.  After that we argued again about Carter being in the basement while he's sick and how Jacob wants to move into the basement office as his bedroom and make that more of his own space.  I don't really want to do anything that's going to give him greater domain over the basement family room because that's a family space and our workout space, and I don't need him physically separating himself from us further.  Maybe someday my feelings will change on that, but right now it's not appropriate.  I called him out on the fact that he didn't freak out when Craig was down there with his Legos when he had COVID, and I'd be down there if I had COVID so Craig could stay in our bed (which he agreed made sense), but the double standard is lost on him...or he just can't admit he's wrong.  Anyway, it was like whatever switch flipped when we left on our trip flipped back, and it sucked.

That said, I guess it was mission accomplished since I got him to his tournament and we both made it through the games and back home without being sick.  We made it home before 4pm, which gave us a decent evening to unpack and settle back in.  I'm still not excited to work tomorrow (from home with Carter camped out downstairs), but I guess now we just wait and see how all of this goes.  We all have little symptoms here and there, but like I said, it could be our immune systems responding or it could just be a weekend of being off our routines.  Or maybe it's coming for us.  The big question mark is the last tournament weekend coming up.  I've been running scenarios in my head a bit, like if any of us get it, what is still possible?  It's frustrating to think about, so I'm just going to ignore it for a couple days and see what happens.

I'm glad we were able to get the trip in but I'm sad COVID finally chased Carter down.  Fortunately he's slowly feeling better, but the next few days will be tough not being able to be close with him like usual.  I'm just so tired of COVID spoiling the party and hope that if nothing else, whatever happens now could give us a more normal holiday season.  Even if it's just a little boost like I got in February from fighting off a lesser dose, that might be a help.  But we still have a long week to get through first...

Taking the Bad with the Good

Last week was a rough week.  Work has remained stressful, and despite being more than halfway through my steroids, my sinus issues were still hanging in there.  It was so frustrating to have felt like it was finally easing up the previous weekend and then have it flare pretty badly again for a good portion of the week.  I called the ENT and struggled to get an appointment, but finally got in yesterday.  Fortunately it cooperated a bit more for the weekend (before the appointment), thanks in part to finally finding a sinus medicine that seemed to help a little, but I know it's still causing just enough trouble that I'm not out of the woods yet.  The ENT thinks it's just inflamed, and while the steroids helped (I'm done now), it wasn't quite enough to get me over the hump, so I'm going to try daily irrigation with steroids.  She's not sure why it's happening, but it could be that allergies or a virus set it off and it just can't go down on its own right now.  It might eventually, but I have to try the steroids because being sick for six-plus weeks is exhausting.  I have been hitting my breaking point in the past week, despite moments of relief, likely because the original steroids wreaked havoc on my body.  

It has seemed like no matter how much sleep I have been getting, I am waking up exhausted.  By the weekend I was a little vaguely lightheaded and weak, but I think that was due to the steroids.  Even with the congestion finally easing up a bit, I still had a full head feeling and just didn't feel like myself.  I was uncomfortable in my own skin, and that feeling makes everything harder.  Brain fog has been a huge problem, particularly at work.  And every couple days, the congestion ramps up again and makes me think I'm right back to square one.  Even when the congestion eased over the weekend, I started to get a sore throat, and the drainage had a sour taste.  The sinus pressure remained anyway and made my head feel heavy.  It just gets so frustrating that every couple days it's something else.  I don't have time for this, even once every three years.  Never again would have been fine after the last one in 2019. 

I think with work being extra busy and me feeling sort of anticipatory for the weekend, I ended up being sort of anxious for most of the week.  I just had too many balls in the air and too many things I was worried about messing up.  But by the end of the week I had worked through a lot of the things and my anxiety didn't have a firm target, so I was just weirdly jittery, almost to the point of being excited and anticipatory in a positive way, but it was still like my body was on edge waiting for something.  I was happy it was a more positive feeling at least, but I don't like that my body is in that sort of mode where it has to be anxious even if it doesn't know why.  What's going to happen when something is actually truly bad?  I feel like I need a couple week reset right now, which is definitely not happening.  I am just OFF.  I don't know how else to describe it and I don't know if it's the illness, the steroids, the anxiety, or something else entirely.  It makes it all really hard to fix.  I'm hoping our upcoming travels provide a helpful distraction in the meantime, but I fear they might only make the problem worse. Let's hope the steroid rinse makes a quick difference before our next trip.  It's going to be a long four hours in the car each way.

Anyway, getting back to the week, the one highlight from last week was that Carter finally got his viola!  He has been doing chorus for a couple weeks and is now starting orchestra.  This musical side of him is intriguing and I really hope it sticks.  He's eager to get started on real instruction, but getting the instrument was a big deal.  

I know this will likely turn into some battles to practice, especially early on as it starts getting hard, but I really hope he loves it.  We also had his open house at school last week, so I finally got to meet his teacher.  She seems nice enough but he's still not that into her.  Parent-teacher conferences are coming up, so I will be interested to see what her take is on him.  He's been doing pretty well academically but he seems to think he gets yelled at a lot for nothing.  I hate when he gets that feeling--it's like a throwback to second grade--but hopefully we can get to the bottom of it.  He had a lot of stars on the "green light" chart--probably in the top handful of kids--so I think everything is okay, but I hope we can talk through it a bit.    

Most of last week was spent just waiting for the weekend since it was our first of three straight basketball weekends.  This one was just to Syracuse, but I hadn't seen Jacob play in so long that I was excited to finally see for myself how his game has improved and how he matches up on the 17U team he's currently playing on.  It's quite a step up from the team he was on in the spring, but he's been working so hard to get bigger and stronger and better, and I knew it would show.  In some ways it made the week drag, and in others it was one of those weeks where Friday got here and it was like, oh crap, we need to pack.  

The funny thing about this weekend is we were playing in my college roommate Mary's hometown, and in fact our first and last games were at her middle school, which is right across from the neighborhood where she grew up.  The good news is I'm pretty familiar with that area so it made navigating pretty easy.  However, we ended up staying closer to the city in a really swanky hotel because we got an amazing team rate.  That was worth the extra drive!  We actually didn't have to leave until a reasonable time Saturday morning since he wasn't playing until early afternoon, so that was a nice change of pace.  

After dropping him off for pre-game prep for game one, Carter and I had a delightful Taco Bell lunch down the road.  I caffeinated big-time to try to ease the foggy headed feeling I had going, which was only moderately successful.  Unfortunately, they were running an entire game behind so we had a bit of a longer afternoon than planned, but Jacob's team won the first game and he hit a three-pointer in the effort.  He suddenly looks so tall out there and doesn't really look out of place among kids 2-3 years older than him.  Definitely on the younger end, but not significantly.  It's so amazing to me to watch him, and I'm really proud of how hard he has worked to get to this point.

After the game, he and Craig needed some lunch, so we dropped them off at Chipotle and went to yet another elementary school next door to the plaza.  I regretted not thinking to go to the playground at the other school while we had that extra game's wait--the weather was really nice, but I suppose I was just tired and a little time on the phone was more comfortable.  But we made up for it a bit at this playground.  It was a fun one with a couple less-frequently-encountered activities.
 

Those balancing "surf boards" are probably one of the tougher playground features I have ever done, second only to maybe the log roll, which is straight-up broken bones waiting to happen.  I love a good challenge, though, even as an adult.

Curved and sloped monkey bars!

Another good climb!

The school had a ton of soccer fields out back, and also had an enclosed box field.  We ended up only having time for a few kicks there with one of the balls left out on the playground--one of which got me solid on my shin (ouch!)--but it's good to see Carter eagerly grab a ball when he can.

We rejoined the boys and went to check in to our hotel.  It was really fancy!  I don't think I've ever seen a room like this.  The bathroom was right off to the left when you walked in, but the head of the beds were on the other side of the bathroom wall, facing out toward the windows, rather than having the windows to one side of the beds.  It was definitely a minimalist type room, with two tabletops and a bench going the length of the window wall.  The bathroom also had a fancy sliding door to the shower and toilet, with a wall of shelves (with a coffee maker, safe, and closet) opposite the sink.  Oh, and to Jacob's left in the photo below was a tall skinny frosted window to the shower.  Not great for keeping the room dark in early mornings, but I can see that being helpful if in need of a nightlight.

The lobby was really swanky and had a bar (and really expensive grab-and-go breakfast!).

Outside, the hotel is situated on what is apparently the Syracuse Inner Harbor.  It looks like it's where Onondaga Creek feeds into the lake, but it seems this area had some man-made work done on it to make it a place to dock (and ideally have events, but I have no idea if that's the case).  It was a lovely day outside, though, and there were a couple boats docked there.

Across the way (past a couple docking inlets) is the big mall, Destiny USA

I couldn't help but snap a pic of this tree nearby.  The berries were so perfectly fall-colored and the golden hour highlighted them perfectly.

We headed back out for an early evening game at yet another school in Liverpool, this time a sort of interesting looking one--a mid-century modern, almost chalet-like building that was built in the 50s and renovated a few years ago.  It was really nice inside--lots of light wood, cool tile, and modern light fixtures.  Outside was a pretty cool playground, which we luckily had time to explore in the lovely early evening light. 

This one rivaled the Parma playground for tall towers, but this one was still a bit shorter.  Even still, Carter did an amazing job climbing the pole!

He also conquered this other one that's made for working out.  It had two "handles" that you're supposed to hang from to do leg lifts (they had one of those workout trails with exercises at each piece of equipment), and he was determined to climb up and sit on one of the handles.  Took a few tries, but he did it!

We were intrigued by this different piece of equipment.  You walked on it and it hinged up and down at various joints.  It's harder than it looks--it felt like it was moving way more than it appears from afar.  I'd never seen one quite like this.

We did all the things on the main structure, did some swinging, and eventually worked our way over to the younger playground.  This piece of equipment there was sort of neat.  You could climb up each side, ring the bell, and then slide down the pole.  I feel like there are probably a lot of races there!  But again, this was a new format to me.

On the way over to the gym at the middle school, Carter couldn't help but roll down this giant hill.  If you zoom in you can just see him getting up at the bottom.  I'm guessing people sled down this but hopefully there's a way to stop because the school building is just beyond the walkway.

I was thankful for such a nice day and pleasant evening, since our fall has been mostly too cold for a lot of fun, especially at that time of the day.  For a weekend where everything had to revolve around Jacob, I was happy we got some good Carter time in.

Back in the gym, Jacob's team battled through a tough game.  They went down early and struggled to come back, making it almost close a few times but eventually losing by low double digits.  Jacob ended up with two threes, which was really fun to watch because his team cheers excitedly for every three.  

After the game, we needed to get some dinner but most of our preferred choices were farther away.  We settled on Jersey Mike's and grabbed some snacks from the Dollar Tree next door.  We settled in back at our room, ate dinner, watched TV and tried to work out sleeping arrangements.  I have to say, even though I didn't sleep fantastically, the beds were so comfortable!  We had a bit of an early morning, but not much worse than a typical weekday.  I caught this picture from the hallway as we headed out to give a better perspective on the harbor.

We headed back to the first school we had been at, dropped off the boys, grabbed breakfast for the three of us (Jacob got some stuff from the hotel to eat on the way), and Carter and I went to finally check out the playground before the game.  Unfortunately, it was still too cold (mid-40s) and very dewy, so we couldn't really stick around.

Even more unfortunately, Jacob's team lost their game and that was it for the day.  It was just a rough one all around, and Jacob just missed his only shot--it was in but then rolled back out.  He did get a nice assist, though.  But the loss was a bummer.  We decided to kill a little time at the Waterloo outlets to try to find shoes for Carter and hit up our favorite chicken and waffles place in Geneva at lunch time.  The menu was a bit stripped down from previous visits, but the food was delicious as usual.  After lunch Carter asked if we could stop at the cool playground down near the lake, so we did just that for about 15-20 minutes.  It was a lovely day, especially with the fall colors.

The good news of it all is that we were home by mid-afternoon.  As much as I just wanted to go lay down, I pushed myself to get outside and go clean up my garden.  I knew half of it was dead anyway, and I just wanted to get it managed in lovely 65 degree weather rather than slogging through it all in a few weeks, knowing that we have a couple more busy weekends and weather isn't usually cooperative in mid-November.  There were still two baby zucchinis growing, but they seemed to have stalled despite the plant still looking healthy.  But I accidentally pulled it out trying to get the dead cucumber vines, so I guess we'll never know if they were still viable (although they are currently sitting on my counter anyway!).  The tomatoes still had a ton of seemingly healthy tomatoes--mostly green--but I salvaged what I could and I'll see how they do over the next few days.  Last year half of them rotted almost immediately, but it seems like our many frosts still haven't been enough to fully kill things off.  I still had flowers blooming in my fully exposed pots, too!  I cleaned up the entire garden and most of the pots, and emptied the full recycling bin of empty beer cans from Craig's grilling that have been collecting all summer (and maybe last fall, too?).  It felt so good to get it done, even if it's always sad to end another growing season, especially since this one was a little underwhelming.  The timing of growth vs. use never seemed to work very well this year. 

Sunday night ended up being extra exhausting because the boys weren't getting along and we ended up having a big argument with Jacob, who still insists we favor Carter.  A year after wrapping up therapy it looks like we're headed back because we just can't seem to communicate properly.  It's times like these that I wonder if it would be best if he does get an offer from a prep school and got a break from what seems to be a very frustrating setting at home, but at the same time I don't want to give into this mess and let it keep festering--I want to fix it.  I'm at the point where I want to put cameras all over the house so we can watch the footage every time they fight and see who actually started it.  Each one has an excuse going back step-by-step to the root cause, but the truth is getting bent by one person or another (or their perceptions just end up totally different) and we never fully figure it out.  Jacob feels he gets the blame more often, but I do think he seeks out interactions more often (even if he doesn't intend on them going bad) and I believe as the older kid he should have more restraint to not start things or at least step back and decide to end it before it gets too far gone.  Carter overreacts, and we're working on that, too, but they just keep proving over and over how incompatible they are.  We're also still having trouble getting Jacob moving in the morning, and anytime we try to talk to him about that or his homework, we get all sorts of attitude.  Apparently neither kid got the gene to appreciate any sort of constructive criticism unless it's in regard to sports and coming from someone who isn't us.  Anyway, Sunday night's argument (and a couple others in the following days) were made infinitely worse by the steroid malaise I had going on, so this week didn't really start any better than the last one.  Today was the first day I felt the brain fog lift, which was a huge relief even if I'm still not feeling well.  I did my first steroid rinse tonight, so we'll see if it helps.

I think part of me is just frustrated because so many other things in life are in a good place--we're blessed in so many ways and I feel strangely insulated from a lot of things other people have to deal with--and yet we just have these things that keep popping up to steal joy away.  Work, health, and kid frustrations overshadow the good stuff way more than I'd like right now and I feel guilty that I can't just focus on the good.  I know things could be so much worse.  Not only have we lived so much worse, but between people we know, news, and social media, I know others are dealing with so much more than we could even fathom, and I feel bad about being overwhelmed by much smaller things.  I know that hard is hard, and it doesn't disqualify mine from being a challenge, but I worry about my ability to deal with truly hard stuff down the road if some of this small stuff is putting me over the edge.  For now, at least I'm aware that my "hard" is much easier than many others' versions and try to be grateful, but some days I'm not sure I succeed.  I often feel like I'm in an endless video game of obstacles, and just when I jump over one, there's another thing--a work project, a cleaning task, a kid issue, another meal to cook, another in-office day--that immediately pops up and keeps me running and jumping 'til I'm exhausted...and then it happens again.  I just need a break, but relief isn't coming anytime soon, so on we go.  It's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine...just gotta keep swimming. 

My Boy

As I mentioned in my last post, it was 10 years ago this week that we found out Carter was a boy.  Reading the post from that day was a little hard.  I mean, on one hand, I know why I was sad.  Sometimes I still have moments where I am.  On the other, I felt a little bad being anything but thrilled about the kid that turned out to be Carter, because he's such a joy to me now.  

I know there's probably a ton of reasons why God didn't give me a girl, and in many ways He gave me the best possible boy He could have.  I really only get sad when I think about how it's weird if sons are too close to their mom when they get married, so either this special relationship will change for the worse eventually, or I will turn into one of those weird mothers-in-law who runs the risk of inadvertently interfering in his romantic relationships.  With a daughter, that relationship never really has to get awkward, so there is a part of me that will always mourn that thing I will never have.  I value my relationship with my own mom, and it's a little sad I won't be able to have that same thing as I age, unless I end up with an amazing daughter-in-law, which I can only hope and pray for.

But realistically I know I didn't really have the patience or the mindset for a daughter anyway.  I had a lot of insecurities as a teenager and I fear I would have passed those on to her.  I wouldn't really want to have to deal with periods or girl wardrobes, or even the fussiness of girl toys.  Endless Barbie stuff might almost be worse than Legos!  At least I know how to play with dolls better, I suppose, but as I've said before, I definitely didn't feel like I was missing out when looking around at all the princess-obsessed girls at Disney.  I'm not a girly-girl and I wouldn't have been good with hair or makeup.  Also, selfishly, I know if we had a girl there would be more gender-based divide-and-conquer happening (and we already have a lot because of basketball), and I don't mind being able to shop or watch TV alone and have some me-time when the boys are doing a boy thing.  I think everything really did turn out the way it needed to for a million practical reasons, but it's still a bittersweet thing sometimes.

My cube mate at work had her 20-week scan this week, coincidentally on the 10-year anniversary of the day we did our gender scan.  She's already known for a while that she's having a girl and that was their preference.  It definitely brought back memories of my own scan and all those emotions as you're watching for body parts and hoping for normal, healthy results.  I know I struggled a bit in our scan once the gender was revealed, but it's true that a healthy baby is more important than anything else and ultimately that got me through.  And like I said, Carter really was the right fit for our family--don't ask Jacob that, mind you--and I don't think I'd want to change anything because I'd be missing out on something so special with Carter.  It's really been on my mind lately how cool it is that Carter and I have the bond we do.  It's not something I ever really had with Jacob, so Carter's and my evolution is really precious to me, especially now that I know how quickly these tween years go and how fleeting this experience will likely be.  

It wasn't always this way, of course.  I said early on that Carter saved me as a mom, because as bad as things got with Jacob around the time Carter was born, Carter was proof that I was doing something right.  He was the sweetest, happiest baby and I was so at peace when I was home on maternity leave with him.  Even though early motherhood with Jacob was rewarding, my maternity leave felt exhausting and isolating a lot of the time.  Some of it might have been new parent jitters, our hot house, and Jacob's complete inability to nap, but there was just something different about that time with Carter and he continued to be a joy for so many years.  It was perspective I badly needed to know what parenthood was supposed to be like--it wasn't always supposed to be hard.  He helped me understand what kid issues were normal vs. which ones were over the top, which helped me better verbalize what about Jacob had been harder than it should have been when we finally went through therapy.  Things stayed pretty tolerable as a whole until Carter hit about five.  It was right around then when it became apparent that any sort of formal learning, like reading or writing, was going to challenge him, and his behavior started going down the tubes as he fought that.  The hugs and "I love yous" started to fade, and we ended up having a few really rough years.  The pandemic only made it worse, as easier access to screens scrambled his brain even worse and isolated our little extrovert to the point that home life was almost harder with him than it was with Jacob, and that's saying a lot.  Being both parent and teacher didn't work for us, and the constant screen battles made it worse.  I truly think his ADHD was made worse by the frequent screen stimulation, and everything that wasn't a screen became intolerably boring, be it toys or activities outside the house that didn't involve a playground or running full speed.  His medicine finally took the edge off at the end of second grade, and things got better from there. But we still had some relationship rebuilding to do because a lot of damage had been done.  He needed to know he was loved beyond all of the yelling and correcting and disciplining, so quality time that likely wouldn't involve that stuff was much needed.

Carter and I have long done little adventures because Craig is more often with Jacob doing sports.  A lot of those were playgrounds since they were a favorite of his, and luckily the lacrosse era provided a lot of playgrounds on site at games.  That sort of started that habit, but the pandemic solidified our routines a bit more.  I wanted to get him out of the house and away from screens, and most of the time I knew that a playground would grease the wheels a bit.  Whether it was running errands or doing a nature walk, if I could work in a playground, that would help get him on board.  He used to be hesitant whenever I'd bring up an adventure, but he gradually learned he had fun and we built up some trust, and it took off from there.  I know the playground era won't last much longer now because he's getting older and bigger, so I'm going all out getting him to as many as I can while it lasts.  

Then there's the thrill ride end of things, which is gradually becoming the next era of our adventures.  When Carter was three, we learned that he liked crazy rides.  That could only be my domain to pursue further with him, and we've indulged it where we could ever since.  Of course, my tolerance for those same rides has gone down quite a bit over that time, but we do what we can.  As he's gotten taller, the potential of wilder fun has expanded, and next summer is poised to be a big one--we're already plotting a summer-ending trip to Cedar Point once Ohio schools are back in session, possibly with a side trip to Waldameer Park in Erie, where they're opening a new water coaster (which he's excited about because neither of us has ever done one, so we'll experience it together).  He's so excited, and it's sweet how he always mentions the rides and coasters as "our thing".  Disney really solidified that because of how every park day turned into just him and me riding rides long after Craig and Jacob had gone back to the resort.  But Darien Lake is only going to strengthen that further, and I will do what I can to indulge it.  Since his playground time (and his general tolerance of hanging out with mom) might be limited by his age and size, thrill rides are likely the future of our special bond.  I might start being more limited by motion sickness, so I will do whatever I can to accomplish as much as possible before that's more of an issue.  One way or another, I know time is working against us, and if the pandemic taught us anything, it's that we need to live in the moment when we can, so I'd say my normal resistance to "overindulging" an interest like this has been essentially shelved.  I'm all in.

When I had boys, I'm sure I hoped for one of those sweet mother-son relationships that people often talk about, but I don't think I realistically ever thought it would happen--and after Jacob, I was probably sure of it.  Jacob was a sweet enough baby and toddler at times--he was a good couch napper for quite a few years and gave some hugs once in a while.  But by older toddlerhood, the mischief and energy took over, and it's been hard to get a hug or "I love you" pretty much ever since.  We had a couple phases where he liked reading together in bed or something like that, but I'm not sure he's solicited a hug from me since Carter was born.  For a while I think I assumed that was just how it went, that boys grow out of that stuff sooner and I shouldn't expect it.  Add in Jacob's annoyance with Carter (and my direct role in his existence), and I didn't have a shot at getting that kind of a relationship with him.  But as I've eased Carter back into being my buddy again, I've realized that those signs of affection can last a little longer.  I'm so lucky I still get hugs and a few pecks on the cheek, and he still likes a good snuggle at night.  He even reaches for my hand still sometimes when we're walking, and it's bittersweet every time because I know that public display in particular is not going to last much longer.  I don't know how much the rest of the stuff in private will last, but I hope the hugs and especially the bond last a very long time.

The other day I flipped through pictures from the last couple years trying to pinpoint exactly when Jacob "grew up".  When did he stop looking like a little boy and start looking like a young man?  Ironically, it happened probably more in front of my eyes than it would have otherwise due to the pandemic.  I pinpointed somewhere after his 13th birthday but before last Christmas, possibly even by the end of that summer.  His face still looked young-ish for his birthday, but by Christmas something was changing.  I know that Carter is on the verge of when Jacob really started outgrowing the little kid era--when he exited that somewhat awkward kid phase and started growing into his features and looking "cooler"--he was around 10, and while Carter has always skewed toward looking and acting a little younger, I know it's not far off.  And once that happens, I know we have a few more years, and that's it.  He'll be a teenager and I will probably be uncool again among both of my kids.  I hope not--I feel like all of this time I'm investing in Carter will hopefully give him the support he needs to know how much he's loved and always sort of come back to "home base" at the end of the day, no matter how annoyed he is with me.  I know Jacob doesn't see me that way--maybe Craig, but definitely not me--but I'm pretty sure Carter has an affection for me that I don't see him have with Craig, even if they're still good buddies.  I am not taking that for granted and I want to solidify that as much as I can while I still can, so that we have some good reserves down the road when we need it.

I never really knew what it was like to have this kind of common interest bond with one of my kids.  I have loved my kids with my entire being, and there have definitely been "fun" times, but this sort of bond is just above and beyond anything else I have experienced with either of them.  I always tried to bond with Jacob with all the sports--after all, being a hockey fan was central to my entire life path--but I think it never quite worked as expected because he has always been so laser-focused that I could never begin to match his intensity.  I wanted to have fun, but for him it was serious business to watch and study.  I feel like I tried to engage him in other different ways over the years, but it's always been that if it's not specifically on his agenda, forget it.  Carter was often quite resistant as well, but I guess he was just a little less stubborn and a bit more willing to explore, so while it still took effort to get him into the idea of our adventures, eventually I was able to win him over to be willing to check things out and give me the benefit of the doubt even when he wasn't convinced.  And now, the way this whole playground-to-thrill-ride thing has happened has revealed such a joyful, special bond that really seems to speak to Carter in a different way than anything else.  You can tell he just feels so loved and that he loves having that bond to share with someone else.  It's such a sweet, pure thing and I will do all I can to keep it going.

He's off school next Friday and was excited to hear I had taken off to spend the day with him.  He immediately started thinking about what we could do with our time, and I'm hoping the weather works out so we can make it happen.  I'm a little worried about how we'll keep this going over the winter when amusement parks are closed and playground metal is too cold and mama's tolerance for winter is iffy, but I know we'll do what we can.  And if nothing else, he's already telling me how excited he is for next summer.  And honestly, I am too!  I love these adventures with my little buddy and I can't imagine it any other way.  He gets me excited for the next thing we'll do, and God knows I need that right now.  I'm just so grateful for what we have and can't wait to see where it will go.

Cramming Even More In...

Once again this weekend, knowing our fall time is limited, I crammed in all the things.  Before I get to that, on Thursday I was at my desk at home working late and noticed the sky was glowing.  I got up to go see it outside, and ended up seeing this first as I walked out the door!

This was in the other direction!

It was so pretty and probably much needed at the end of a very long work day, near the end of a long work week.  Work has been stressful--not only are my boss and I still overwhelmed after losing the other position on our team late last year, but numbers are down slightly and while we know it's all due to timing of when things were sent out last year compared to this year, our new boss (who we very much like) is probably being a bit too proactive based on pressure from her boss, and she just hasn't been around our team long enough to trust that what we're doing is fine.  It leaves us with a lot of unnecessary stress and some rabbit hole projects that actually don't need to happen yet, which is frustrating when we're already busy.  We'll get through it, but it makes work a bit burdensome currently.

It's no wonder then, that I once again wanted to make the most of our weekend before it was back to the grind.  Foliage is peak in a lot of areas and this was our last chance to enjoy it in a purposeful way before three weeks of travel.  Weather looked to cooperate, so I hatched a plan for Carter and me to go back to Stony Brook, which we loved a couple years ago, and then pick up Livingston County Pizza (including Jacob's beloved donuts) on our way back.  We got a slightly later start than expected due to a lazy morning and pushing myself to do a workout (arms only--I knew my legs would get plenty that day!), but we packed up bag lunches for the hour drive and headed out sometime after noon.  

As we pulled in, I was a little confused.  Everything looked the same on the drive in, but when we got to the parking lot, I didn't see a playground, which used to sit just beyond it.  Sure enough, it had been wiped off the face of the earth, with just an empty stone lot in its spot.  Luckily, we quickly turned around and saw a new one just down the way.  It looked cool, but definitely not the same variety of equipment the last one had.  Apparently it just got replaced this spring because the old one had "deteriorated" in past years.  It was pretty nice when we were there, but whatever.  I keep hoping they'll have some playground-ish plans for the empty lot, but I doubt it since the new one had to be expensive and isn't far away.  Carter and I still had fun exploring this new one.

He was a trooper climbing up that role pole near the center of the pic below because it was extra tall, and that log rope climb he's on to the right of it was a lot harder than it looks!  Those logs barely qualify as a foothold, so it took a lot of focus and arm strength to get up it!

He got in some pole climbing and monkey bars until his hands were sore, so I suggested we go hike and come back after his hands had time to recover.  The hike was so beautiful.  The leaves were gorgeous and the gorge did not disappoint.

I decided to go out the Gorge Trail and back the East Rim Trail.  Last time we went out the West Rim Trail and back via the Gorge Trail (which I believe was a COVID mandate at the time), but I figured doing a reverse order would get us some new views we might not have turned around to see last time, and the new trail was a different experience entirely.  The color near the swimming hole at the start of the trail was gorgeous.

I love the bridges in the park, and that tree to the left was a favorite of mine last time as well because it had all the colors on it--reds, oranges, yellows, and greens.  But how 'bout that handsome kid on the bridge?

The height of the walls always amazes me.  It's so majestic.

Carter thought we should take a selfie in one spot.  He cracks me up.  But I didn't say no!

Every waterfall and turned corner provided another postcard-worthy scene.

There were a couple photographers in this spot (on the other side of the bridge near the stream) taking photos.  

This waterfall below is my favorite!  I think it looks like a cascading bridal skirt or a lovely layer cake or something.  It's so pretty and peaceful.  

The view from the top is stunning as well.

Here's the other big waterfall.  The water here was so clear (and cold) and we loved wandering around near the base.  Carter was trying to skip stones.

The view from the top of this one was nice as well.

Carter picked up a walking stick along the way.  Or rather, he found a stick and (after his expert stick-breaking work last weekend) broke it to fit.  He eventually took great enjoyment in launching it over the fence on the rim trail, but it didn't get very far due to getting hung up in thick foliage.

It was such a pleasant day.  We actually left mid-50s, clouds, and strong wind gusts at home to get to partly cloudy, mid-60s, and calm winds at Stony Brook.  It was a perfect day for a hike and short sleeves were just fine.  I was extra relieved that the winds weren't an issue there because all those trees in 40mph gusts probably wouldn't have been safe.  I wondered if that kept some people away because the park wasn't busy at all.  Maybe only a few dozen cars in the lot, which was nothing in comparison to last time when we were in satellite parking down the entry road.  It was the peak pandemic outdoor activity era, and Letchworth closed due to crowds that day, which probably made Stony Brook a good second choice.  This time, very quiet!

We got through the many, many steps near the end of the gorge trail and wandered past the West Rim Trail entrance to the East Rim Trail.  There was another scenic bridge in this spot.
  

Looking from that bridge, you can see some of the old railroad supports in the middle of the water.  It was removed in the 1940s but the supports remain all over that section of the park.

I had read reviews that this trail had some good fungi, which I was excited about, but I think most of it was covered with leaves at this point.  I did finally find these tiny ones growing out of a piece of wood.

There were so many stairs!  This was looking back at one set we went up.  We took these very slow and steady, all while I watched my heart rate elevate on my watch.  There were a couple large flights up, but thankfully a lot of the trail went downhill after that.  We did feel bad for people going the other way!

Carter found this cool leaf near another set of stairs.

Rim trails never seem to have many views, and this was no exception, but we could see the last big waterfall we saw on the gorge trail from afar.

Out in the distance you could see a lot of color on the distant trees.  We were up really high, to the point it definitely felt a couple degrees cooler there.

The East Rim Trail was a bit longer so in the end it was a 2.5 mile walk.  I think Carter was a little relieved when we reached the end, and I guess I was too, but I was more preoccupied with getting to our pizza, which was actually coming up as ready right around the time we left the trail, despite us having a half hour drive there.  I knew that might happen and told them that, so I wasn't worried, but we had plans for the night so I was eager to stay on schedule for that, too.  This was the view off the bridge at the end of the trail.

Carter wanted to go back to the playground for one more climb, so we did that rather quickly.  I was still a little disappointed that I didn't see much good fungi, and spent the end of the hike hoping for a random redeeming patch that never materialized.  Well, on the way to the car from the playground, POOF, there it was!
 

It's hard to tell from the photo, but they were silvery in the sunlight.  There was actually a very large patch of them, and each one was probably 4-5 inches tall.  I was mildly entertained and probably looked like a weirdo taking a bunch of pictures, but it was a fun way to end it.  We had a lovely drive back through Geneseo to get to Livingston County Pizza.  I always love driving through Geneseo anyway, but in the fall it is at its absolute best.  I am seriously overdue for another wander around campus and the village.  The entire drive was actually really pretty and thankfully that drive is such habit that it made all the driving that day really tolerable.  We got home around 5:30 and ate as a family, but Carter's and my day wasn't over yet!

I'd hatched a somewhat crazy but still feasible plan to try to right the wrongs of the failed Darien Lake trip back in August.  Last week I bought season passes for Carter and me for next year.  It was a pretty good deal - about $60 per person, and parking is included, which is a $17 savings per trip.  It'll be either a Christmas or birthday gift (but probably Christmas because I don't want to keep the secret any longer).  This will allow us to just go when we feel like it--take a half day and go, or just go at night, or just do the waterpark, or whatever.  When we had season passes as a family when I was 12 or so, I loved when we did stuff like that.  There was less panic to do all the things because we could go back another time.  I recall some great waterpark time and awesome evenings where lines were shorter and it wasn't as hot.  I wanted to have that opportunity with Carter, and knowing we had to go back anyway for the rides we missed, I figured even one more trip beyond that would totally make it worthwhile, even at the discounted ticket rates I can get through work.  And with purchase, we could go free for the rest of this year, too.  So, other than gas, it would be a relatively free night.  Yes, it would mean hours #3 and #4 in the car for the day, and it was guaranteed to be a late night with a 7-10pm window once we got there, plus it would probably be in the upper 40s.  But this was our last chance since the season was ending, and at least we'd get to see the park for the Halloween event.  I didn't tell him where we were going until we were on our way, partly in case it didn't work out and partly to give him very little time to get too excited and set unrealistic expectations.  Of course he was excited once he found out, especially once the park came into view.  

Hopefully it didn't phase him when they quickly took our pictures for our season passes at the gate (they didn't say anything luckily), but entering was quick and easy.  Once again I got a nice sunset shot of Ride of Steel, this time on our way in.
 

Slightly depressing that this was taken about two hours earlier than the last sunset one back in August.

On our way through the park we got jump scared by a random guy that skates out on all fours to scare people as part of their Halloween stuff.  Luckily I had seen a video of it from a friend of mine so I pretty quickly realized what had happened--or else I would have been even more freaked out!  

That was about where the initial fun ended, however, because a couple minutes later we walked past the drop tower and saw it was closed, and then rounded the corner to Ride of Steel, only to see that blocked off, too.  Seriously?  We had three rides on our list to ride, and two of them were closed.  How do you close your signature ride for your last night of operation?  Some people were paying a ton for this event (admission plus more for haunted houses) and in the end almost every big ride except the Viper, Boomerang, Motocoaster, and Predator were closed.  The third ride on our list, Mind Eraser, was also closed, although per the app it seemed that was never open in the fall as it was listed as "Closed for the Season".  Even Tantrum, which we finally rode last time but wanted to ride first row this, was marked as "Closed for the Season".  How annoying.  I understand that staffing is an issue and it probably made things easier to close off entire sections of the park, but I feel like they should probably be a bit more transparent about that stuff.  I was pretty bummed that my big plan to fix what the rain broke last time didn't work out, but we were there and we were going to have fun, darn it.

We got in line for one ride we'd never done, Rolling Thunder, which I honestly wasn't sure about but knew I needed to do to keep Carter sane.  It's basically an endless coaster loop.  The motion is very reminiscent of my one-time favorite, the Ranger, which looked like a blue hot dog and felt like a pirate ship that went all the way around.  Despite the different format, the sensation was almost identical, right down to hanging there at the very top of the loop.  I definitely didn't weather it as well as my teenage self did, but I made it.  The Ranger was smoother but at least this didn't have a massive pad pressing deep into your stomach (if you made the mistake of inhaling, you had a very uncomfortable ride!).  We were entertained by the nervous teenage girl across from us, though, and I was happy we got to do a new ride.
 

We got on the Viper after that, and survived another jump scare in line there.  There were a couple haunted houses in that area and apparently there were characters running out to scare people in line!  Incidentally, the whole place was crawling with obnoxious teenagers (like, I bet 85% of the people there were teenagers, and boy did I feel old) and at least twice random park-goers tried to scare us--once was a group in a line that screamed through the fence as we walked by, and another time as we were just walking and a tween kid basically came up and yelled in Carter's face.  We must have looked like ripe targets, I guess.  Definitely not enough parental supervision there!  Anyway, the good news was that we got to jump the Viper line up in the station thanks to people who were trying to match up for the same ride, which ended up saving us time we needed later!  The ride was definitely rougher in the cold than I would have preferred.  As a whole I think every coaster was rougher on my system in the cold, but I don't know if that's the track performance or how things always seem to hurt more when your body is cold.  We hit Boomerang next, which was rough as well, but at least there was no line there.  Carter really wanted to ride it again and I had to say no to preserve myself for the rest of the night.

We realized the Motocoasters were running despite that area being almost totally dark, so we headed there next.  The dark ride was crazy but a lot of fun--no lights to time out the launch, and being in the last row definitely made it intense!  We weren't going to ride the tall swings this time since it's not one of Carter's favorites, but when someone pointed out that they were going backwards for Halloween, we reconsidered!  We figured this was our one chance to do something silly like that, so we headed over.  

It was a different sensation, for sure, but I was grateful we weren't getting cold wind in our faces!  However, the breeze kicked up the string on my hood and the little metal square at the end perfectly pegged me in the eye.  It didn't really hurt but my eye watered like crazy for most of the ride and stayed hazy for the rest of the night.  It randomly watered really bad for a minute on the drive home, too, which was super nerve wracking, and it was annoying me as I went to sleep.  It felt better the next morning but as the day went on it became clear it was still not 100%.  It wasn't red but it was a little sore and still blurry.  Hopefully it clears up soon, because work isn't fun when my vision isn't good, and my vision is normally bad enough right now without an injury!

After the swings we went to the antique cars.  That's one of those rides that always has a long line for an unexciting ride, but the line was short and it was themed for Halloween, so we figured this was the time.  Carter drove, which was interesting as usual, but I'm glad we got to do it.  We met a nice older lady in line who had a giant Pikachu she won for her classroom.  She was telling us how this was probably their last year of season passes for a few reasons, but she said that she has eight kids and it's always been a challenge to give them as many experiences as possible.  She appreciated that they'd been able to do Darien for years, but they haven't been able to afford Disney since they had only four kids.  It made me grateful for what we've been able to do lately, and it definitely made the wait time go faster to chat with someone!

Next we did the bumper cars, which are also never on my list (sorry, whiplash isn't fun to me), but that was also Halloween-themed in the dark with smoke and colored lights, so we took the opportunity to do that one, too.  Carter's driving was really sketchy there as the wheel seemed to get turned extra far and he couldn't right it, so we were going into oncoming traffic--yikes!  We survived, and after that we knew we were getting short on time, but we took advantage of a short Pirate line to finally get on that one--probably my first time on that particular ride in over 20 years!  It was fun getting that airtime on the "up" end, but I was definitely ready for it to be over because the swinging was a little rough on my aching head.

We had also heard that the merry-go-round was going backward that night, and we were able to walk right on that, too.  It was odd but fun, but I definitely prefer that stuff going forward these days.  But it was something different and I was all about maximizing that for this trip because I never want to have to go to this event again if we can help it!  The lack of good rides was frustrating, the high unsupervised teen population was annoying, the ride loading times were extra long, and I'm just not a fan of stuff like that in the cold.  I'm glad we did it but summer is definitely preferable.

 

With our last 10 minutes, we hopped in line for the Predator.  Once you're in line, you ride, even past park close, so that was a good way to end it.  It was rougher than our last ride in the warmth and front car, but I'm glad we got in one more fun one.  Unfortunately, from the exit ramp you get a prime view of Ride of Steel, and that just disappointed Carter all over again.  I don't know if seeing it triggered him or he just then realized at that moment that the park was closed and there was no chance it was going to randomly reopen, but regardless he got upset all over again.  That left him in a terrible mood (again) for the walk out and the ride home.  

I tried to emphasize that we WILL make it happen, one way or another, but I know the eight-month wait is frustrating and I can't explain to him just yet how we will guarantee he'll get on, so I get his sadness.  He's now convinced everything will be closed next time we try too, but little does he know I will go daily next year if that's what it takes!  Soon, buddy...soon.

His mood was made even worse because we were going to try to get hot chocolate on the way home, and that ended up a disaster, too.  Tim Hortons looked open but we saw as we drove by that the drive-thru menus were off.  We got up to the Speedway near the Thruway, and as we tried to fill our cup, it was just water.  They were all out.  We then drove across the street to the Flying J store, and as we walked in an employee was working on their machine and confirmed they were out, too.  Seriously?  We were three-for-three on rides and now three-for-three on hot chocolate.  What crappy luck!  After that, I was so happy to get home and get us both in bed, at least once I took Tylenol and Mucinex (I was all congested again that night but woke up better, thankfully), and hopeful we'd have a better day on Sunday.  At least as I was putting Carter to bed, he said something like, "But at least we did have fun," so I was hopeful he'd get over it quickly, and he seems to have.  

Sunday was a bit of a slow start.  Jacob had early practice, which Craig got him to, but I had a really hard time getting moving.  I was exhausted.  I don't know if it was the busy day, the cold night, the ride abuse (which could have been mildly concussive), my lingering sinus infection, or all of the above, but I was beat!  I found out first thing in the morning when I was awake when the boys left that my mom had tested positive for COVID (and my dad was likely right behind, which was confirmed Monday morning), which made for a bummer of a start.  I really wanted to go to church since we know we'll miss it for a while now, but I forgot to set an alarm and when I woke up again just a little too late, I just couldn't do it.  Craig came back after dropping Jacob off, and we conked back out for a while.  Eventually Carter and I roused ourselves, had some breakfast, and got ready for the day, at which point Craig got up and headed out to pick up Jacob.  I started some laundry and planned to make lunch when the boys got home, but it turned out Jacob had a community service thing to do after practice, so Carter and I ate lunch by ourselves and then prepared to head out to get some pumpkins and a Halloween costume.  Luckily I checked our Halloween stash before we left and I found Jacob's old Scream costume from 5th grade, which Carter had expressed an interest in and it ended up fitting him just fine.  So that was a nice time and money saver!

 

There was a farm I heard about not far from us with a $5 max on pumpkins, so I figured that sounded like an opportunity to get more for our money.  Sure enough, we got some cute ones.  All five cost a total of $16, which could have been the cost for one big one or maybe a big and a small at many places around here.  It was just a cute little family farm and they had a lot of options, and it was a much lower key experience than a typical pumpkin patch, which was much needed.

It also happened that we passed by one of our favorite playgrounds on the way--the Parma Town Park with the two awesome playgrounds.  We did a quick stop there on the way home, but most of the kids were littler and didn't want to play tag with Carter (and I wasn't in much shape to be too active) so it was probably only a half hour stop.  Back at home I had to help Craig with the pool (of course the cover the pool store gave us to close it was three feet too small), make a trip to Wegmans, and watch the Bills game--thank goodness they won a close one!

 

Apparently the bad luck from the previous night followed me into Sunday, because at one point near the end of cooking our meatloaf dinner, I put away a muffin tin in the drawer under the oven and all of a sudden I noticed the oven light wasn't working, and neither was the clock.  It took me a lot of looking but I finally realized that a cookie sheet slid back behind the drawer and fit into the one millimeter of space where the oven plug had just a sliver of exposed prong thanks to it being a tight outlet.  Well, I realized both the prong and the cookie sheet had notches and burn marks on them, so they must have had a moment of connection that fried everything.  I have no idea if it's the cord, the stove, and/or the power box, so I probably need to figure that out first before I go ordering all new stuff.  I'm a little panicked about how to cook without a stove or oven for at least this week until I figure things out.  I suppose we were really lucky it didn't start a fire or something, but geez, what are the odds?  It was quite a bummer and burned me out for the rest of the night even more than I already was.  It wasn't the best way to end a generally fun weekend, but s**t happens, right?

So, onward to another week before we start traveling.  Carter starts Orchestra this week, so that will be interesting.  Jacob's five-week grades came out last week and were pretty darn good (even math), which was encouraging despite our struggles with getting him to do his work.  My sinus infection is still hanging in there, which is concerning, but it's definitely improved.  I've had some good days, but then I'll randomly be stuck blowing my nose every few minutes because a little bit gets stuck up there at a time.  At least I've been able to sleep better for a few nights now and when I do blow my nose it clears out for at least the moment.  I guess it gives me an excuse to call the ENT like my doctor wanted.  Sigh.  Craig had a few days off last week, which gave us some bonus kid-free time while I was stuck working at home, but he spent most of it gearing up for training camp in a couple weeks (if he had to work, at least it was at his own leisure in between movies and errands).  As a whole, we're still definitely not as functional as I'd like these days, but I think we're doing okay.  We'll see what a bunch of quality time in the van does over the coming weekends, but hopefully we have some good memories to make, and then we'll suddenly find ourselves in the thick of the march to Thanksgiving.  I have no idea how that's possible.  But then again, 10 years ago today we found out Carter was a boy, and that doesn't seem possible either.  I have some thoughts on that coming soon.  But time is just flying these days and I guess these past few weekends are proof I'm trying to get as much out of this time as I can.