Reality Bites

So, we've been doing the working/learning at home thing for two full weeks now.  Could be better, could be worse.  I'm not nearly as productive as I am at the office, and the kids clearly aren't learning what they would in school, but the world hasn't collapsed on us yet.  We're hanging in there...by a thread some days, but hanging in there.

I think we're at a stage where we're realizing this is going to be our life for the foreseeable future, and it's definitely causing some emotions to surface.  A little stir-crazy, a little sad, a little bored, a little short on hope.  Jacob is really missing basketball, particularly as his travel basketball organization has extended their suspension through mid-April.  He does have a little flicker of hope as they've devised a plan to give each kid an hour of practice time on a real court (solo) each week, but it's a fraction of what he was hoping to be doing right now.  Carter is showing a lot of resistance to homeschool activities, which has been challenging for us parent-teachers on a daily basis.  On one hand I want to just let him skip it (with consequences), but with the long duration of this, it's simply not an option to set that kind of precedent--he has to learn.  In between school lessons, the boys can't stay away from each other and it's making Craig and me crazy.  When the weather is nice, which isn't often, they can get some much needed outside time, but that hasn't been consistent at all.

Ironically, 10 years ago yesterday was the day we moved into this house.  I'm glad we picked well back then because we never dreamed we'd be spending quite this much time here all these years later.  There's a lot I'd change about the house now, but considering how much our family has evolved, I still think we did a pretty good job.  Ten years is a lot of time in one place.  But the undone projects are all-too-evident when I'm here all day, and the walls are definitely starting to close in a bit now that we're all here 24/7.

Thursday was a big self-care day for me.  I took off just before lunch to finally hit up Wegmans.  We had prescriptions waiting and were out of a couple staples, so it was time.  I figured at that time they'd have been able to restock from the morning rush, and the germiness of the space wouldn't be as bad as later in the day.  I was determined to go myself because I knew there were things I didn't have on my list that seeing in person would help me remember.  I was able to find most of what I needed.  Previous out-of-stock items like meat and bread were fine, but the sanitizing items were still out of stock, and random things like ice cream, cooking oil, and most cleaning products were pretty well picked over.  It was weird seeing the bulk food bins empty, since anything without a wrapper has been portioned out and boxed up separately.  I was happy to get most of what I needed, but it's an odd feeling to be in a store and not be able to get things you previously took for granted.  It feels very un-American, and while I know that's a very first-world-problem perspective, it's unsettling.  Even the simple fact of Wegmans not being open 24 hours feels strange.  On my drive to the store I noticed that our local Denny's had written all over their front windows with paint markers to share that they're open for takeout.  It seemed sort of oddly haphazard and felt a bit apocalyptic, to be honest.  Seeing other businesses closed midday was weird, too.  Of course, there were still a lot of cars around, so not enough people seem to be taking the stay home edict seriously--and since I was at the grocery store, one of the few places where people are supposed to be going to, I know they weren't all there.  Anyway, I found it really challenging to social distance in the grocery store (aside from the checkout, where they've made it easier), but felt like they were doing a good job keeping the store under better control.  I did a lot of waiting around aisles and shelves for other people to clear out.  I probably should have been better about cleaning my items off when I got home, but we're short on wipes and Lysol, and hopefully we won't touch most of it for days anyway.

When I got home, I did some work, had a call with my boss, and stopped working just a little early to head out for a run while the weather was decent.  Cloudy and 60 works for a good run, and boy, did I need it.  My muscles have been protesting since, but getting out of the house alone with my music felt awfully nice.  When I got back I took advantage of the weather to hang Easter eggs on our front tree and bushes.  Even though it doesn't feel like it with all that's happening right now, Easter is coming!

I even tried to pick up a few things for the kids' Easter baskets at Wegmans, just in case.  I guess I'll have plenty of time to think up a creative Easter egg hunt, and maybe even do one outside if the weather allows!

On my run, I ran past Jacob's old school around the corner.  Knowing it's been empty for two weeks and will remain that way for a while felt so odd.  Between that and the oddness of a busier-than-usual midday Wegmans run and the ever-present dog walkers at all hours of the day in our neighborhood, the reality of this weird new normal is hard to comprehend.  Our schedules have changed so much in just a couple weeks.  Schools and offices sit empty, countless people have no idea what day of the week it is, and so many people have lost their paycheck, sense of security, or their entire reason for being.  It makes me wonder how we ever come out of this.  Will we be better for it in some ways, or will we be forever scarred?  It's so much to comprehend.  I don't think I ever imagined a scenario where anything short of a "typical" natural disaster could do something like this, but a) that's why I live where I do so we don't have to deal with that stuff; and b) the idea that most of the country is experiencing the same thing at the same time is just crazy, but strangely comforting.  It's a completely foreign situation, and it does involve a degree of grief to process all we've lost, will lose, and how our world is changing by the day.

Today I was supposed to be at my cousin's wedding.  Like everything else right now, that is on hold.  I can't even imagine how she felt today.  Instead of wearing a fancy dress and partying it up with my family, I was spending the day attending my own pity party.  I didn't even get dressed until noon.  I went to Walmart to pick up an online purchase, along with a few other things, and was so skeeved out that I sanitized twice and washed my hands twice from the time I finished checking out through my first few minutes at home.  Yuck.  I did some much-needed paperwork filing, but then my attitude went into the toilet.  I'm just frustrated with a lot about our home life right now.  Among the issues:

• A messy house (and no one taking responsibility for their own stuff)
• Too much screen time (and feeling powerless to reign it in)
• Questionable TV viewing choices (I'm getting outvoted, and if I have to watch The Simpsons again I might scream)
• Feeling overwhelmed by the constant stream of meals and dishes
• Frequent bad weather
• Constant bickering between the kids
• A lack of the light at the end of the tunnel

This just feels overwhelming right now.  I'm tired of pushing the kids to do schoolwork while doing my own work every weekday, and weekends have so little structure that everything just feels like a free-for-all and I'm so mentally tired I can't even find energy to make any fun.  We did family game night the other night, but even that can be exhausting.

I can barely find the motivation to finish my Easter decorating, which I usually love.  I've been two inches from being halfway done with my diamond painting for days, but I'm trying not to use it as too much of an escape or else I'd be there all day and finish it long before this is all over.  I just feel so out-of-sorts and frustrated.

This has just disrupted so much.  As miserable as we are, I know it could be so much worse.  We're not working on the front lines.  I saw a post today about a local kid who is currently living with his grandma because he is immune-compromised and prone to respiratory infections, and since his mom works in his health care and his dad is in law enforcement, both could bring a life-threatening illness home.  I can't imagine how heartbreaking that decision was for them, and there are so many similar stories across the country and throughout the world right now.  Essential workers are social distancing themselves from their entire household just to keep them safe, all while risking their lives every day at work.  It's like something out of a heartbreaking movie, but this is real life and it's impacting families every single day. 

Totals of cases and deaths have really started to skyrocket over the past few days.  Locally we're still treading water, around 200 cases, but a fifth death came today.  New York City is a mess, though they're testing way more than anywhere else so their numbers may seem inflated.  Nationally numbers are climbing quickly, and it's concerning that we're not even close to peak yet.  So many sad stories already, and so many more coming.  

Spring is supposed to be a joyful time.  These flowers brightened my mood considerably during my run on Thursday, but right now it would take a football field of them to break through what I'm feeling.  

This is so unprecedented in our time, and I know it's not an easy thing to manage.  I know I should give myself some grace, and I do, but that only goes so far when each day feels like a mountain to climb and you still can't see the top.  Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, but today was hard.

A Week In

We're essentially a week into this social distancing thing.  I say "essentially" because we did go visit Craig's family last weekend, but that was after one real day of trying to distance and we literally went from the van to the house and back to the van and back to our house, and that was it.  That was before the real gravity of even spending time with family was emphasized anywhere.  So in theory it was a risk, but I think that was one well worth taking, particularly since that was right around when their county had their first positive.  But since then we've been home--a lot.

Craig is getting more stir-crazy than the rest of us.  He is constantly looking for excuses to leave the house, which makes me crazy because he's probably most at risk out of all of us, due to severe asthma as a kid.  He's run quite a few errands, which are generally helpful but still risky.  He's technically working from home, but most days that has looked like a conference call and some email checks before getting in a workout and spending the rest of the day keeping the boys occupied.  Jacob misses basketball a lot.  His team isn't practicing currently and our hoop only goes so far.  And of course, the one day it was near 70 degrees (super randomly) we had to put the hoop away because we also had 60mph wind gusts.  Carter would probably be content 24/7 if we left him in a room with a screen, but clearly that's not a good idea.  It's been hard to explain to him why he can't play with the kids across the street.

As for me, I'm working normal hours from my desk in the dining room.  It's full of interruptions and distractions, but I'm basically sitting there for the better part of eight hours.  And Friday afternoon and today it's been my responsibility to monitor the inquiries that come in through an internet form taking questions about issues related to the outbreak--mostly campus-related stuff, but there have been some random health questions, too.  It's a little exhausting mentally, just because answering questions with sensitivity and yet maintaining an "official" voice is challenging.  The other day I was dealing with a student who was planning on moving out this weekend but her hometown was instituting a shelter-in-place starting Friday, and she was trying to either get approval to stay in her room until the end of the shelter in place in two weeks, or figure out how she could still get home without getting her and her mom stuck outside the city.  It's a lot to manage as a college kid when the rest of your semester was already turned upside-down.  But beyond that, just trying to be productive while helping with homeschool and fielding questions and lunch requests is a challenge.  There are perks, I guess--I only shower every other day, I can wear what I want, I only do minimal makeup, and yet it still gives me enough purpose to keep moving every day and not live in my pajamas.  And, of course, unlike a lot of people right now, I continue to get paid.  But it's weird having pretty much your only real human interaction outside of  your family be on a video chat with your co-workers.

My biggest struggle right now is that tons of people are posting all of this productivity and family bonding--long walks, fun learning, and snuggly movie days--and I feel like I can't do most of it because I'm stuck at my desk all day and feel guilty taking breaks.  I should be doing a better job with the fun and the teaching and the family togetherness, but work makes it hard.  I should be spending this weekend trying to make better plans for getting Carter's schooling working more smoothly.  Right now it's just a struggle.  He needs to do two 15-minute reading sessions, one writing prompt, and one math activity.  Reading is pretty simple--we set a timer and he's good.  The writing prompt comes from his teacher in the morning, and trying to get him to do more than a sentence is tough.  The math gets a bit more complicated.  We have an online file full of worksheets, but I don't want to print them all with our printer.  He can play games with dice and cards to practice his addition and subtraction, but getting him on task when it's so open-ended is hard.  I need to get a few things set up to just hand off.  Of course, then there's all of this cool online content that would be fun extra learning for him, like Mo Willem's Lunch Doodles or the Cincinnati Zoo's daily safari, but Carter is unimpressed.  He loves Mo Willem books, but he claimed the first Lunch Doodle was boring.  Of course, he did run off and start drawing afterward, so whatever that means.  Keeping him away from the tablet in between learning is a job in and of itself.  Fortunately, Jacob pretty much takes care of himself.  He logs on sometime after 8am and is usually done within an hour or two after checking in on all four of his main classes on that day.  He complains sometimes (and freaked out a bit when I reminded him of his monthly novel study probably still being due at the end of the month), but as a whole he's been pretty independent.  But unless the weather is nice, he's getting a boatload of screen time, too.  I feel like it's inevitable and I'm trying to take the advice of the people who insist that quality family bonding time is best and letting kids be kids for a few weeks won't kill them.  But I do worry about bad habits and the quarantine version of summer slide, so I'm trying to find a balance that will keep all of us sane.

Without the structure of school on weekends, waking up feels almost pointless.  We have nowhere to go, and nothing pressing to do.  Sure, I can do my diamond painting, do a few things around the house, and make a couple meals, but there is nothing truly exciting on tap....for weeks.  Craig was so bored yesterday he cleaned out half of the garage today, and today he did a shelf in the basement.  He's also reading a book, which almost never happens.  I know there are tons of things I could be doing, and hopefully I will get to them when the mood strikes.  Even though the consignment and donation stores are probably not even open after the most recent state-wide non-essentials shutdown, now is the time for me to soak and wash the baby clothes and start getting those ready to go.  We're out of bins, after all, and I'm not buying another until I start emptying those.  I have plenty of other projects to do--Easter decorating, other donations, getting my tax stuff together (oops), paying bills, meal planning, deep cleaning--but right now I'm just sort of blah.  I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I'm definitely a little down.  Sometimes I feel fine, even optimistic, about things...and then an hour later I read a new article, see a new cancellation, or think about what a legit month of this will look like, and I'm overwhelmed.  It's still really hard to process that this is our lives now.  It feels like something out of a book, movie, or history book.  We're trapped in our house for weeks on end, and while it could be worse, it's just surreal.  I feel better that much of the country is doing it together, but it still stinks.

Friday was supposed to be my day to go to Wegmans.  We were finally out of a couple essentials and I had pinpointed a few additional items I thought might make eating easier.  But when I went to bed on Thursday night, I noticed a slight sore throat and a little extra stuffiness.  It was no better on Friday morning, and then I coughed a few times before noticing that I felt a little off.  It felt like something was about to happen with my lower digestive tract, but nothing really did.  But after reading that the first day of symptoms can seem like a basic cold and that half of the Chinese cases presented with digestive issues, I got nervous.  Maybe it was day one and I had no idea, or I was one of those people without real symptoms.  So then I was nervous about going to Wegmans.  Eventually I realized I couldn't in good conscience do it, so Craig grabbed my list off the fridge and started writing it down.  Of course, my list is sort of crazy and vague so he had no idea what some of it was.  That meant I had to go back through it and include notes.

Even then, he called me about five minutes in and we were on the phone for the rest of the trip.  A few things were still out of stock, and a few others either were forgotten or lost in translation (like the fact I wanted both hamburger buns and good sandwich rolls), but it went better than expected.  Of course, one of the forgotten items, peanut butter, is an essential and we're almost out, so presumably we'll be back soon.  On the bright side, I woke up yesterday morning feeling no worse, and based on what I've seen, if I was going to get worse, it probably would have happened already.  So this is probably just a bit of a cold or worse allergies.  It's been in the 30s the last two days (after 70 Friday), so perhaps that's why I'm not sneezing or sniffling nearly as much.

With a lot of other stuff closed and going out in public unadvisable, I feel like there are a lot of opportunities that won't come to fruition during this time.  Lots of people are painting or doing other home improvements.  We're not good at that stuff, and having contractors in the house probably isn't advisable either.  But even the thought of running to Lowe's to get my garden started or to the craft store for more time-fillers or to Walmart or Target for normal household stuff feels as dumb as the people packed on Florida beaches right now.  We just need to stay home.  But at some point I might need something to keep our house functioning, and I will use my best judgment then, but for now, we'll just make do.  I know there's always Amazon, too, but some things are easier to buy there than others.  I've been oddly unproductive with normal things in the meantime, like stacks of newspapers and magazines, and even a pile of mail.  I may just be out of my routine, or maybe I'm too busy sanitizing after I bring mail in, or maybe I'm just so exhausted by keeping it all together right now (even though on the surface it doesn't feel that way) that I just can't muster anything else.  Who knows.  I'm hoping eventually I'll settle in and start feeling the urge to get things done, but I guess for now I'm just giving myself a little grace.  I did get through the pile of mail and reading material this morning, so I guess it's a start.

A bunch of college commencements and Rochester's Lilac Festival got canceled this week, as did my cousin's wedding, which was supposed to be next weekend.  They even opted to not do a small ceremony in the meantime, for many reasons.  We'll celebrate later, but it's a bummer.  I'm getting worried about what our Easter might look like, and with spring and summer already short enough around here, I'm a bit worried about what activities might be limited in the coming months.  The impacts of this are huge.  In some ways it seems like overkill given the damage to the economy and people's financial situations, but in others it seems like the only prudent thing any of us can do since none of us knows how our body might react to this virus.  It's overwhelming, and yet I hope society as a whole takes advantage of this time and we come out of it as more grateful, lower-maintenance people.  Wishful thinking, I'm sure.  Stay tuned...more from the boredom fest soon, I'm sure.

Random Thoughts from the Socially Distanced

Well, we're a few days into this, and I guess we're doing OK?  I mean, we haven't killed each other yet, we have food and toilet paper, and productivity is decent.  So I guess that's fine?  This is such a bizarre, surreal situation that it's a bit tough to measure.

Today was the first day of "school", which was not without its fair share of frustration and yelling.  For Jacob, he was frustrated by what he had to work with, but seemed to get through it relatively quickly anyway.  For Carter, one platform isn't really ideal to work with, and with my work it's hard to have time to get creative to work around it.  Our one attempt at a "fun" extra activity didn't go particularly well since Carter thought Mo Willems was "boring".  He loves Mo's books, but apparently his Lunch Doodle (which half of the parenting universe is so excited for) doesn't do it for him.  I agree Mo is a bit low-key, but I'd have been all over learning about that stuff.  I grew up on stuff like Reading Rainbow, though, and learning how things worked was really cool to me.  I guess we'll try Pete the Cat tomorrow?  I have an old Pinterest board with a couple projects I think might be fun and there are still a ton of online resources I haven't even looked at, but we seem to have all the time in the world to explore.  If we can get through Carter's daily reading, math, and writing for school, I think we're doing okay.

Work for me is going well enough.  Yesterday was great but today was harder.  I need to have a project to focus on.  Now that I have my monitor, keyboard, and a full workspace (cramped though it may be), if the kids leave me alone I can focus pretty decently.

Yesterday I made good progress (all things considered) because I had a specific file to work on.  But today I had a data project that was last minute with a whole lot of unknowns, and there were a million random interruptions and hold-ups.  I didn't want to get immersed in another project for fear of missing important emails, so I spent most of the day waiting for new information on a few different things.  Between email and chat, it kept me pretty busy, but it was all confusing and generally unproductive.  I'm not sure I can keep all this up for a month or more, but I suppose some of it is better than expected.

Behavior-wise the boys have been challenging as expected.  They've had some decent moments, like when they tried to play LIFE the other day.  But most things dissolve into a mess before long.  Hopefully by the end of this they'll find ways to entertain each other, but apparently not yet.  So, a lot of yelling in the meantime.  The boys and Craig have spent a lot of time outside despite it still being pretty cold.  Based on my feed, a ton of people have been going outside doing nature walks, but they're just doing basketball.  Tomorrow's weather is going to be a bit better, and Friday will be downright warm, but then the rain and winds come and I fear more than ever for the hoop because we NEED it right now.  At least we know P.E. is covered for now.

We've had to run some quick errands over the past few days, but I am really trying to keep us home.  Wegmans will be a must within a couple days for more milk and bread, assuming they're in stock, along with a whole slew of other things we've either used or that I've decided would be helpful while we're stuck here.  Things still seem to be out of stock, though, so it may not go as planned.  Way too many people are still out and about, which is frustrating.  Over the past few days the state shut down gyms, theaters, casinos, and all dine-in eating.  Some retail stores have shut down and others have reduced hours.  The mall is closed other than anchor stores.  Slowly but surely people are running out of things to do, but when I see news footage of busy beaches in Florida or hear about kids hanging out together at homes or playgrounds, I sort of want to smack people.  That is not social distancing, folks.  We're going to have to do this longer if people don't get on board now.  I don't know if people aren't paying attention to numbers, or don't think this applies to them, or what, but we're headed in the same direction as Italy more than a week ago, and that's not good.  Our area is up around 20 cases now, but tests are still limited.  Buffalo is closer to 30, and they've run out of tests.  New York leads the whole country because it seems to be spreading like wildfire downstate.  You can't know if someone is sick and not showing symptoms so the only way to prevent it completely is to stay home and stay away from others.  It kills me every time the neighbor kids are outside and Carter wants to play with them, but we need to isolate and hope for the best.  It won't be easy for the kids (and definitely stinks for us--God knows I didn't need any encouragement in the introvert department), but we need to try.

We did have a fun moment yesterday.  Carter was eating his lunch and all of a sudden exclaimed that his tooth came out!  His ham sandwich claimed his other top tooth, just like that!  So now he has a nice big gap...

Pretty cute, huh?  He was excited for me to send a picture to his teacher, and she loved it.  We also Facetimed with Grandma and Grandpa, who only knew about tooth #1, to surprise them with tooth #2.  So, he cleaned up pretty good this week from the tooth fairy!

To be fair, not all of this is bad.  I'll admit that I haven't missed my super early mornings or the commute.  I don't miss rushing out the door or trying to get home in time for dinner before our evening activities.  I also like that I don't have to do full hair or makeup (I do enough to not look unhealthy), let alone even shower every day.  A 20-minute commute from bed to desk isn't so bad.  But Jacob is desperately missing basketball practice and I will miss my bible study crew.  Even still, it's nice to know we just have a lot of home time to chill.  My diamond painting is a nice distraction and we now have a trial of Disney+.  Screens have remained quite popular, but I have a feeling it's a losing battle.  We'll just have to get creative outside of that.  I'd feel a lot better about things if I didn't have to work all day, or if I just had to work and didn't need to keep the kids actively learning.  Doing it all is hard!  I'm glad Craig is here, but it's also hard to focus when they're off having fun.

It still all feels really surreal that this is our life right now, and will be for a while.  Events into May are getting canceled and the world is just a crazy place right now with constant press conferences (local and national), news updates, and sweeping societal changes on a daily basis.  We'd never have thought a couple weeks ago that we'd be stuck in our houses, toilet paper would be scarce, and most public places would be extremely limited in operation.  Even a week ago when we knew it could be possible, the reality of it is still jarring now that it has happened.  Who'd have even thought we could shut society down to this extent?  Schools closed for at least a month, many people working from home, hospitality services at a near standstill?  Insane.  The economic toll of this (stock market mess aside) is going to be immense and long-lasting, but hopefully we all emerge from our cocoons ready to inject new life into the economy, and we'll be more grateful, kind people to boot.  One can only hope we learn something from this mess.  We should be more appreciative of our options and freedoms, but memories may be short.  I just hope we can get back to normal by summer at this point, but the months we lose are saddening me a bit right now.  Life is short and spring is awesome, but a lot of cool things like Easter, the Lilac Festival, and Jacob's travel season could be lost.  Seniors in college and high school are missing out on things like prom, graduation, and spring sports, not to mention time with their friends, and that's time you can't get back.  But we don't seem to have a choice but to hunker down and make it work.  So we will.  And pray that neither we nor the people we love get sick.  It's overwhelming, but this is our life now.

In other news...

In the middle of all of this Coronavirus chaos, we still have to have some sort of regular life--while it lasts, at least.

On Friday we had our second family therapy appointment.  Given the impending school closures I didn't really want to pull Carter out of school for it, but Jacob already had off so I figured maybe the therapist could use it as a chance to dig into some of Jacob's issues with Carter, without Carter there to refute things.  And sure enough, it went shockingly well.  Despite Jacob indicating that he didn't remember Carter's birth or how he felt at the time, the therapist painted a pretty clear picture to him of what might have happened: this new kid shows up, everyone is fawning over him, and Jacob's getting a lot less attention.  As time goes on, Carter is a sweet, fun baby and toddler, and people are still making a fuss.  All the while, Jacob's behavior is still rough so we're still having to discipline him while his brother is the "perfect" child.  Jacob still thinks we see him that way, even though it's quite clear to us that Carter is not perfect--and in fact we yell at him and punish him a lot for some of the crap he pulls on his brother or the stubbornness he exhibits at bedtime or when screen time is over.    As the therapist explains it, though, that narrative of Carter being "perfect" and us liking him better is already written into Jacob's head, so he almost can't see that our treatment of them is more even than he thinks.  So our challenge will be rewriting that narrative for him.  When it's Carter's turn next time, my guess is that it will come out that his mindset is one of a bullied kid--he takes offense to the extreme because he's so triggered by Jacob's ongoing criticism of him.  So my guess is that we will need to rewrite that narrative as well, so Carter can learn to trust his brother and not assume he's making fun of him.  But this revelation felt pretty huge.  It hasn't really changed anything in our current life, mind you, because we haven't really figured out how to rewrite the narrative, but it's a step.  So we celebrated with lunch at Bill Gray's!

In the meantime, Carter had a really lose tooth.  He lost his bottom middle teeth a while ago, and they grew in fine and are barely noticeable.  I've been dreading the loss of the top teeth for a while, since I know it's really the end of the little kid smile and the beginning of the big kid face.  They've been loose for a long time, but recently they got really loose.  The one was really bad, and he was messing around doing this gross thing with it:

His teeth were so wonky with it flopping around in there, and I could barely get a "normal" picture of his real smile--a last souvenir--because there's a lot of space in his mouth now and the teeth are looking a bit disheveled!  Still cute, though!

I was a bit worried to even let him sleep with it, because I thought he might swallow it.  By Saturday morning, it was literally hanging on by a thread.  Only one side was attached and I didn't want him to eat or brush his teeth because it was so bad.  I encouraged him to pull it, and he grabbed a tissue and started working on it.  After a few minutes, out it came!

So now we have half a hole (and wonky spacing around it) and another loose tooth that moves askew once in a while.  Ewww.  I think it'll be out within a week.  That's a bit more space than Jacob's top teeth had--he lost them both within a day of each other!

After not having time or energy most of the week to work on my diamond painting, I finally took enough time to finish off the bottom quarter!  I did a couple inches on the next section up tonight.  God knows I needed it after day 1 of home life.  More on that soon.

On Sunday we were supposed to see our niece and nephew in their senior musical, but since that was canceled we instead spent the day with Craig's family for his mom's birthday.  It was good to get some family time since we hadn't seen most of them in months.  It felt a little weird going out, but since we only went from house to house, it felt less concerning.  Of course, it was right on the heels of Erie County getting their first three positives.  Mind you, back home we jumped to 10 (now 11) thanks in part to a middle school lunch lady who exposed a bunch of people.  It's scary to watch it grow, and clearly it will only get worse.  So, home it is.  For a long time.

First it broke Wegmans. Then sh** got real.

We've had another couple eventful days here thanks to the lovely COVID-19.

On Thursday, after our first official case was announced in Rochester, I had to go to Wegmans.  We had a small gathering to attend on Friday and I had items to buy for that, along with needing to bulk up on a few more essentials in case things got bad.  I started noticing pretty quickly that Wegmans looked a bit different than it did when I was there on Monday.  Bananas...gone (except organic).  Bread...wiped out except a handful of non-store-brand options.  Gluten-free pasta...two boxes of Barilla penne left but almost everything else Barilla gone.  Regular pasta...almost entirely empty shelves.  Bottled water...gone.  Sanitizer, toilet paper, cleaning wipes...all still gone.  The further I got into the store, the more disturbing it got.  It started to feel like a natural disaster, or even what you've heard about socialism--limited quantities of necessities, empty shelves, and yes...long lines.

When I got to the front of the store, the lines were up the aisles halfway back in the store.  This was at 9pm, mind you, which was a far cry from my normally quiet evening shopping trips.  It only got worse by Friday, and by midday Wegmans announced they would begin closing at midnight and opening at 6pm (instead of their usual 24 hour schedule) in order to clean and restock.  This morning there were long lines waiting to enter when the store reopened.  It's pure insanity, and it's only getting worse.  It's like this almost everywhere, but it's most shocking at Wegmans.  After all, this is *Wegmans*--haven of grocery shoppers everywhere.  And now it can't remain stocked and its ability to be always available has been broken.  It's pretty sad and a little scary.  I felt so unsettled after that trip because this is not the world I know.

I woke up Friday morning with a bit more peace and acceptance than I'd had, even though nothing had improved.  Maybe it was just a better night's sleep.  I will say that I felt a little better that we hadn't had a flood of positives after the first one, nor had we heard rumors of floods of pneumonia cases into hospitals or tons of reports of locals not being able to get tests.  I know there are some testing problems, but without tons of widespread reports, I don't think we're being overwhelmed with cases just yet.  If it was bad, we'd somehow be hearing about it.  So I don't think things are desperate, but it's not exactly looking up either.  Things have continued to get canceled and limited.  Jacob's practices have no spectators, and my guess is they will be canceled soon, right along with his first few tournaments.  Carter's basketball season was canceled, but thankfully we only had a couple games left.  Museums and other kid-friendly diversions have closed.  Little by little, we're being left with fewer options for leaving the house at all.  Restaurants and stores seem to be hanging in there, but I have a feeling a lot of them will be on the brink shortly.  I think restaurants have bought themselves a little time by encouraging pick-up or delivery.  Our favorite pizza place has a knock-and-leave-it delivery option, and KFC is offering free GrubHub delivery for about six weeks.  But I feel bad for their workers, who are probably putting themselves (and maybe customers) at risk as well.  It's hard, because they probably need the paycheck and not every company can choose to pay employees when things close--though some have announced they will, which is great.

Last night, we had a super fun evening with my bible study group from church.  We did a full-family get-together at the leaders' house.  It was so much fun to have all four couples together just to socialize, and even though Craig didn't really know two of the couples, I think even he had fun.  We ate and shared stories around the table, while the kids (mostly) did their own thing.  Jacob spent some time with the other kids around his age, and Carter mostly just played on Craig's phone, unfortunately, since the other kids were all older.  Of course while we were there he started showing symptoms of a cold (which in this current climate feels more concerning than it should).  We thought it could be allergies to the dog, but no, I think it's a cold.  At least it's more nasal congestion than the hallmark fever, aches, and cough, but still...not awesome.  But we really had a great time and it felt like a last hurrah since almost everything else on our calendar is slowly getting canceled.

Late last night it was announced our county had a second positive test.  I got a bit more concerned when I saw they are being treated at the hospital practically around the corner from us.  When I woke up late this morning (well, after Carter's 8am visit and a little extra snooze...but with no basketball and really nothing else to wake up for, why not?), I happened to stumble across the county's morning press conference being livestreamed.  It turned out that the positive was a woman who worked in a middle school in our district, supposedly as a lunch lady...and went to work sick.  Well, crap.  Luckily not Carter's school, but still.  It's pretty awful to think about.  It dawned on me as they called the superintendent up to the podium what was about to happen--and sure enough, school is closed indefinitely.  But only our district closed, so of course everyone else was up in arms about their district.  Over the course of the day, Jacob's school announced they'd be off Monday, but then the county closed the rest of the schools.  Jacob's school then announced they would start distance learning on Wednesday for at least the two weeks prior to spring break.  We're still waiting on details for what Carter might be doing.  We're definitely going to need some structure or we're all going to go nuts.  I'm already tired of saying no to the tablet and telling Jacob not to be on Xbox all day.  Hopefully the decent weather will get even better before this is all over, because we're going to need outside time, no doubt.

As for Craig and me, it seems like we're okay to work from home, though it is not a mandate yet.  However, the practicality of that is questionable.  It's hard for me to do some of what I do at home, particularly without my big screen.  I figured out how to use my TV as a monitor, but I may just have to bring my monitor home.  But realistically, with two kids that will need an intense amount of direction and strong urging to step away from the screens and do some real learning, how the heck am I supposed to work from home and put in an honest day's work?  I truly don't know, but I'm not sure there's another option.

Over the course of the day today, church got canceled, as did Jacob's confirmation class on Wednesday.  That's two more things off our social calendar.  Then we were supposed to see our niece and nephew in their senior musical this weekend, but that was also postponed.  It's really becoming apparent how quiet these next few weeks will be.  Craig's already getting stir-crazy and reorganized some of his keepsakes in the basement and cleared some things out of storage.  I should probably start the daunting task of soaking and washing baby clothes for eventual consignment, since I'll have days on end at home--though I don't want to use all the laundry detergent until I know I can get more!  And maybe I can get some home improvement done since those companies will probably need business and we won't have to worry about taking time off work to be home.  I hope some good can come out of this time--even if it's just better work policies, sick policies, and health care considerations for those whose arrangements were lacking in those areas.

Cases are rising pretty rapidly elsewhere and widespread testing hasn't started yet.  It was a tough dose of reality to hear that after four days of lockdown in Italy, their cases are rising more than ever--around 3,500 in one day, due to the incubation period.  While some areas of our country (namely Seattle and Westchester County, NY--early hotspots) may be destined for similar fates, I'm hopeful we can stop that kind of rise in our area by the shutdown we're starting now.  I don't think people are taking the "stay home" mentality seriously, but hopefully these steps are enough, or nearly so.  This is just such a strange and scary time because there are so many unknowns, including knowing what's necessary and what's hype.

I realized today that all of the people blaming media hysteria are missing a key point--the hype didn't start here.  Yes, the media were following it even when it was just in China, but China started the lockdown concept when it was clear it was a problem.  Italy followed suit once things got bad there, but again, it was China's original concept to lock down, not the U.S. media.  By the time it arrived here and had caused so much trouble in other countries, it made total sense for the media to make a big deal about it--although I think a lot of people interpreted it wrong, given the runs on toilet paper and sanitizer.  Of course, those big hoarders didn't really think it through clearly since there's not a lot left for everyone else to stay safe, but it's not just them--because when everyone wants even one of an item they normally only buy once in a while, and they all want it at the same time, of course typical supplies are going to run out.  But the fact is, it wasn't our idea to shut other countries down--they felt it was necessary--and now statistics support starting our own lockdowns sooner to minimize spread, so we're doing it.  It's not like this was a manufactured hype all along.  This is real and it's coming.

It's oddly comforting that we as a country--and to some degree the world--are going through this together.  It's like the largest scale snow day ever--both in geographic span and duration--as we watch when other areas will fall.  It's comforting when another area joins the closed contingent since it means we're one step closer to doing this all together.  But how the world is going to support a generation of kids who are missing weeks of instruction, or parents who can't take time off work for their kids, or business owners who can't afford to be closed for weeks on end, I have no idea.  This is such uncharted territory.  I can't believe this is our reality, but we're living history and hopefully we can find our way through.

Life in a Time of Coronavirus

Even in just a couple days since I last posted, life has changed considerably.  This is getting all too real, all too serious, and all too anxiety-inducing.  I barely know where to begin, but I suppose documenting this experience as it happens seems important.  It's nearly unprecedented (at least in the lifetimes of those currently alive) and may go down as one of the biggest news stories for decades to come.  Parts of the world are shutting down, and the U.S. is slowly starting to follow suit.

Just in the last day or two, the following things have happened:

• The university where I work, along with my alma mater and countless other schools, have shifted to all online classes for the rest of the semester.  In addition, many schools are encouraging students to stay home, effectively emptying out the campus and disrupting any sense of community that makes college the amazing thing it is.  
• The NBA has suspended its season.  That obviously did not go over well in our house, but it all made a lot more sense when it was announced that one player tested positive for the virus.  A teammate has now, as well.  With all of the close contact on the court, not to mention off-the-court locker room and travel time, it makes all the sense in the world.  But it stinks.
• The NLL suspended its season.  Sad as it is, this came as a welcome bit of news since I didn't like the thought of Craig traveling or being in the midst of the sports petri dish every weekend.  Now, for at least a while, he won't have to.
• The NHL suspended its season, and it appears the minor leagues will be following suit.
• Major League Soccer suspended its season, and all of baseball is delayed for at least a couple weeks.
• Pretty much all of the college basketball tournaments, including March Madness, have been canceled.
• Our county received its first positive test.  There are more people under quarantine awaiting results (including a student in our district), and while I know there are likely many more cases out there, the first positive definitely added to the anxiety.  As a result of that news, Rochester finally canceled its St. Patrick's parade this weekend.  Given the story I read about the role a parade played in Philadelphia's unfortunate run-in with the 1918 flu epidemic, it bugged me that they waited so long to cancel.  Buffalo followed suit.
• Flights to and from Europe have been banned for a month.
• All of Ireland is shutting down, despite minimal cases and deaths there.  A friend of ours is studying there, which puts her in an odd spot.
• The state of Ohio is closing schools for three weeks.
• People are still hoarding toilet paper for no apparent reason, and also soap, hand sanitizer, and other germ killing agents.  Store shelves are empty despite limits on purchases.  Apparently pasta is starting to disappear, as well.

This has all pretty much thrown my entire world into a moderate tailspin.  It's all very important mind you, but it's mentally challenging.  With each cancellation comes an odd balance--concern for the crumbling pieces of "normal" society and relief for one less way for the virus to be spread on a massive scale.  As much as the shutdowns feel very foreign and sad, the more I read about "social distancing" and how it works, the more I know this has to be done.  And honestly, doing it this way sounds a heck of a lot better than the mandatory lockdown in Italy, instituted once their situation got out of hand.  The more regulations in place, the less risk of mass transmission, and the pandemic grows at a much slower pace.  This gives the medical facilities the best chance to not get overwhelmed, since our medical infrastructure does not have enough space, equipment, or providers to properly care for such a large influx of patients.  Any other alternative could be devastating.

Work is mostly at a standstill.  We're still trying to keep things moving forward, but we know asking for money at a time like this is dicey so we have to tread lightly, change messaging, and hope that not all of our efforts will be for nothing.  I have one project that I can do without issue, and thankfully it usually takes me weeks.  No word yet on whether I will be doing it from home, but that's certainly been floated as a possibility.  I hate working from home, but the one thing that might make it mandatory is if the kids are home.  No word on that yet either, but with a confirmed case in town, I'm sure it's not far off.  Our district canceled all events except sports practices today, so I feel like things are inching ever closer to closure.  Jacob told me today that his teacher was asking about their tech capabilities at home--laptop, phone, etc.--presumably for future online learning.  I can't say I relish being stuck at home with the kids for weeks, but if it keeps us safe, I guess that's what we need to do.  And there will have to be a schedule, for sure.  Mandatory work/school time for reading and whatever online resources we can track down, to ensure it's not an electronics free-for-all for weeks on end.

I'm not sure what I'm struggling with most.  The fear of the illness is significant.  While I know none of us have a super high risk of severe issues, we definitely have parents and older aunts and uncles that fall within concerning age ranges.  My parents have been sick since they got back from their cruise but it would seem their symptoms don't match up, so I'm hopeful they're OK for now.  But who knows?  With the projections they've been making, it sounds like a significant portion of the population could be affected, so it's worrisome that someone we know will have a really bad outcome.  And with our health insurance changing this year, I have no idea what we might be facing if we need significant treatment--or heck, even a test right now.  It seriously makes you second-guess every sneeze or sniffle or congestion causing a cough.  And it makes you suspicious of literally everyone around you.  A sneeze or cough in the office makes you wonder who touched which doorknob or water cooler button.  There's sanitizer around, but it feels a bit like a hopeless cause to avoid something that lives on surfaces for over a week and hangs in the air for extended periods of time, as well.  But ultimately, I mostly don't want my kids sick, even if this doesn't seem to impact kids too badly.  And if I got it myself, the lack of functionality in our household would be concerning since Craig barely cooks and going out to dinner isn't really an option if everyone ends up quarantined.  Keep in mind that if the illnesses stack up, this could be the case for weeks on end.  I don't even know how to keep enough food on hand.  I guess we could rely on delivery, but who knows if that will even be a thing if too many people are sick?  I'm trying to stock up a little at a time, but it's harder than I expected.  I think the logistics of groceries, extended time off school, working remotely, and spending so much stinking time at home are also very concerning.

It's also crazy to think how boring this period could be, with no sports, no large events, and pretty much nothing to look forward to.  My cousin's wedding is in two weeks and I have no idea what happens with that.  Other than that, the status of both boys' basketball seasons are up in the air.  Carter's is almost done, but Jacob's is just starting in one week, and clearly tournaments involve a lot of people.  I pretty much live for scheduled activities since the in-between hum-drum of life can get pretty boring, so this will be a tough period mentally.  I also wonder when or if it's wise to see my parents, for risk of carrying something to them or getting what they have.  I can't help but wonder if Easter will be affected, too.  Even church--which is currently still on--seems like a risk.  Everything makes you think twice right now.

I feel so bad for so many groups of people--college seniors who are being robbed of their last months on campus, and maybe even graduation; athletes who train so hard for their spring sports that are now canceled, especially for seniors; all the teams that made it to the NCAA tournament (or won't get the chance to try), and will maybe lose their only chance ever to play in it; medical professionals that are facing a daunting, exhausting, terrifying task of overloaded spaces, not enough equipment, and the risk of getting the virus themselves; teachers and professors who now need to figure out how to effectively teach online, or manage to deal with kids who won't be in the classroom for weeks; parents who need to figure out how to manage their work schedule when their kids aren't in school.  The problems seem endless.  Heck, I think of people who are already germaphobes or have serious social anxiety and how much worse this must be making that.  I know I'm struggling and those things are merely a blip on my radar normally.  I realized on my drive in this morning that the tiredness I usually feel at that time of morning had been replaced by a rapid, anxious heart rate, so I was wide awake.

The world feels unstable, to the point that every time I open my web browser I expect more bad news...and most of the time it's there.  I've read a number of articles, though luckily I think they support all of these measures so solidly that I'm fighting them less than expected.  I actually really just want to hole up in my house and have us all living in a bubble for a while.  Things are just changing so rapidly that I don't feel like I can even leave my work computer at work overnight or say, "See you Monday" to a colleague who's off work tomorrow.  It's scary and unnerving, and as a parent responsible for other people, it's overwhelming.  And then 10 minutes ago Carter told me (in the middle of basketball practice, of course) that he has a sore throat.  So there's that.  Admittedly, I noticed an uptick in my allergy symptoms today and had a twinge of post-nasal drip myself, so I'm hoping it's just the abnormally warmish weather contributing to both of our conditions.  We'll definitely be on fever and ache watch, I guess.  It honestly makes you overanalyze everything, and it's exhausting.  I felt like I ran a marathon after work most days this week.  It's depressing and scary, and feels somewhat similar to that horrible out-of-control feeling I remember from around September 11th, without the horrible human toll (yet).  Well, I guess if you look worldwide it's similar in numbers, but clearly it feels a bit different.  But not knowing what the days and weeks ahead hold is really hard for a planner.

So, I guess this is a developing story...one we're all living in one way or another.  Stay tuned to my version here...

News and Notes, Sky is Falling Edition

I started out this week feeling completely discombobulated.  I think there are a lot of factors at play:

1) An unexpectedly busy weekend - We went from one expected basketball game to five games + a fun outing, and it left me with shockingly little down time.  I only worked on my beloved diamond painting for a couple hours or so--a little on Friday night and a little on Saturday afternoon.  By Sunday night I wanted to write my previous blog post and try to strip more stuff off our rapidly filling DVR, so I never got back to it.  I wasn't good about bedtimes this weekend, either--for me or the kids--mostly out of tiredness and distraction, so everything felt sort of off-schedule to get downtime in the evenings.  All of that was made worse by...

2) The time change - Everyone complains about the time change every single time, and for good reason.  It messes with you.  Losing an hour of sleep stinks, although it does encourage kids to sleep in, which can be better than the alternative in October when they're naturally up at the crack of dawn.  Yesterday morning when my alarm went off at 5:45, I realized in my hardcore exhaustion that my body probably still felt like it was 4:45.  Yuck.  I had to be on my game, too, since Craig was still on the road and I needed to get both kids to very different places at very specific times.  Even caffeine didn't help.  Today wasn't any better.

3) COVID-19 - I'm honestly not sure what to make of this mess.  It's most certainly going to get worse before it gets better, but I'm a bit torn on just how bad.  On one hand, there's the retail store panic with everyone buying up food and supplies in case we're all quarantined for weeks on end.  I guess we should be prepared but there's only so much room to store perishables, and non-perishables will only get us so far.  Hope you like pasta, kids.  Wegmans was wiped out of the non-food essentials last night, so I guess we'll just hope they restock before things get bad.  On the other hand, the downstate spread is concerning but it seems slow to move beyond there.  I hear testing is a mess and you can't get one easily, so that could be causing issues and delays in proper reporting, which may mean that it's going to spread unchecked for a while.  I saw an article a couple weeks back that indicated that this virus would only infect an average of 2-4 people per infected person (based on data at the time), which was a bit more than the flu but significantly less than something like the measles (12-18).  However, the one Westchester case saw more than that get infected by one guy, which is now spreading exponentially in that area from all the subsequent exposures and re-transmissions.  And with a virus that's catchy before you show symptoms, that's a problem.  Self-quarantining is hard, but that's only helpful if you know you've been exposed.  I have a friend who could soon be quarantined due to contact with a business associate from the same office as someone who has been diagnosed.  I suppose that makes things feel a bit more real. 

Then I came into work yesterday morning and found out that the university is basically banning all international travel and strongly recommending against (basically a ban) any non-car business travel.  They're also canceling all events of more than 100 people, including athletic matches.  That's pretty intense for a university that's as well-connected as this one and dependent on travel for countless purposes--significant fundraising and research initiatives at the very least.  Whether it's overkill remains to be seen, but it's certainly a bit disconcerting, and similar limitations are piling up elsewhere.  The government is strongly recommending against cruises now, which means my parents got lucky getting their recent one in.  They also came back with colds (ugh) so I'm hoping they're paying close attention to symptoms, just in case.  On Sunday at church they formally asked us not to shake hands.  After that I couldn't help but wonder if we're moving into an entirely new era where handshakes and other forms of greeting will forever need to be touch-free.  Looks like the Japanese have had it right all along?  Now sports teams are banning media from locker rooms and canceling events.  Musicians are canceling concerts.  Schools are closing or moving to remote video learning.  Entire countries are on lockdown.  Even during the course of the workday today, things seemed to get exponentially worse.  All of the unknowns are piling up, and it's getting a bit overwhelming. 

I guess I just don't know how to reconcile all of this and weigh the impacts on my family.  Do we risk overreacting and live in fear?  Or do we underestimate the problem and put ourselves in danger?  I don't want the kids to panic, though their suggestion to quarantine their father upon his return tells me they probably already are.  Still, it feels like every little change is leading us into some sort of apocalyptic military state.  The one thing I don't get is why this is such a bigger deal than any other previous viral outbreak.  I remember some of this when SARS came out, and to some degree with swine flu or bird flu--mostly the frequent use of masks--but I don't remember canceled events and travel restrictions and this doomsday feeling before.  SARS was more deadly, so I'm not sure whether the difference truly is simple overhype by the media, or there's something else I'm not clear on that makes this more dangerous.  Or maybe we're just being extra precautionary, sort of like how it's easier to end up with school snow days nowadays than when we were kids.  We know better now, so we do better?  Better safe than sorry, for sure, but it's snowballing fast and I'm concerned where we'll end up.  Italy went from about where we are now to an all-out crisis in only 11 days, so I guess we'll know soon.

4) Politics - This is sort of related to #3, but all of the political talk lately just frustrates me more than it already did.  I'm annoyed that I don't love any of the democratic candidates and yet the alternative is more than likely more troubling.  It's like, four more years of the worst kind of circus, or a complete unknown that could wreak more (different) havoc on the economy, drive up our taxes, and allow certain policies to go past the point of usefulness just to win votes and infuriate opponents.  I know that's an easy choice for most people, but I'm honestly not sure.  The media circus around our current president is so insane that it's hard to judge how things would look if the way he did things didn't seem so off-kilter, or how things might be the same or different if Hillary Clinton had won.  Every misstep has been followed so closely and reported on with significant bias that I fear the presidency may have changed permanently at this point, with personal issues and governing ability being scrutinized (or glossed over) equally.  I barely know what to believe as there are valid truths and tons of misinformation on both sides.  I'm SO in the middle on most points:

• I want refugees to have options but don't want them draining resources we don't necessarily have enough of already, or opening the door to additional security risks.
• I want kids and poorer families to have health care options when faced with challenging diagnoses, but I can barely deal with the costs of health care and the current challenges of the system as it is.
• I understand the issue of student loan debt, but know that forgiving it just creates a ton of other inequities and problems we're not prepared for.
• I know that taxing the rich isn't going to solve all problems and could create other ones, but if the little guys work just as hard as them (albeit less visibly) and still can't live in reasonable comfort, something's wrong with the system.
• I understand that minorities and the poor are often unfairly targeted and disproportionately negatively impacted by biases within the criminal justice system, but bail reform is putting dangerous, troublesome criminals back on the street and underscoring what I assume are some serious mental health issues in folks that are repeat offenders, often in the same day.  

In most cases all of these systems need to be blown up and started from scratch, but that also seems borderline impossible mid-stream.  Band-aids don't work, but the unknowns are overwhelming and I trust nearly no one to tell the whole story.  How can I make educated decisions for me and my family when so much information is inaccurate and skewed, and what's out there is nearly infinite?  I was never particularly patient with news and politics, but in an era of fake news and unlimited viewpoints, it's impossible to take it all in and process it properly.
Anyway, that was the start of my week.  I guess it's a lot to process, particularly on a time-changed, sleep deprived brain.  Craig is home from his trip, and while we're not quarantining him, I will be watching him closely for symptoms over the next couple weeks.  The kids are giving him trouble about further traveling.  He only has a couple trips left, only one of which involves an airport and is going to the middle of nowhere in Canada.  However, with European sports teams playing in front of empty stadiums and outright shutting down for periods, he's wondering what might happen to his sport in the coming weeks. 

On the bright side, we did finish off our Monday with a beautiful afternoon and evening.  It was in the mid-60s for the first time since October.  The boys played some basketball and I got out for an ill-advised run.  With all of my colds and sinus issues this winter (plus a month of Christmas season exhaustion), I've barely been working out.  I've probably done less than a dozen elliptical workouts since October, which is pathetic.  It didn't leave me in great shape for a run, but the weather was just too nice, my playlist was calling me, and I told myself I could walk if I got tired.  So I ran.  I made it nearly two miles (a slow-ish two miles, especially into the wind) before I got hit with the digestive threat that I always get early in the running season (hint: it's a lower body issue and necessitates a bathroom).  It eases up if I walk for a few minutes, so I did that and ran the last couple tenths of a mile home.  Not bad all things considered, but my body was definitely protesting last night and into today.  Everything's sore.  But it probably won't be nice like that again for weeks, so I guess I have some work to do in the meantime. 

But as if normal weeks aren't stressful enough, now we have all of this.  I'm trying to stay calm and process it peacefully, but man...it's getting harder.

The Replacements

It was supposed to be a pretty chill weekend.  Craig was on the road, Carter was the only one with a basketball game, and the weather was going to be nice enough for some outside basketball by Sunday (despite getting a couple messy inches of snow on Friday).  Thursday night I took Jacob to basketball practice.  I hadn't been to one for his new travel team yet and I figured with Craig leaving on Friday for a double road trip that he might appreciate having the early shift of Carter's practice instead.  The new team is an interesting mix of players, and practices are a little more intense on the conditioning front than Jacob is used to.  It should be an interesting season--and I can tell already that it's going to be a much different travel experience than lacrosse was.  For one, people seem mostly cool with cheap hotel rooms, which made us the exception in lacrosse.  I'm looking forward to it all, but there's a lot we're waiting to see play out on the court.  Anyway, right at the end of practice, the mom of Jacob's former town teammate who's now on this team asked me if I had gotten a message from their old coach.  I had put my phone away, and when I pulled it out, sure enough, there was a message.  He asked if Jacob might want to play in a game on Friday night with the other town elite team.  It sounded like a dream come true for him because his good friend plays on that team and it is a step up from the team he had been on.  He also really respects the coach (his friend's dad).  We said yes, and on Friday we headed to the tournament at U of R.

Upon arrival, we couldn't find anyone.  We were a little early, but we knew the court and timing were correct, so we started to get a little nervous.  Then his one travel teammate came.  Then we saw another, one who's also on his travel team.  It turned out his dad (a former Division I player who's the head of both of Jacob's leagues) introduced himself as the coach--which was odd since we know who the real coach is--and when I asked where the rest of the team was, he said this WAS the team.  It turned out that the original team dropped out of the tournament at the last minute.  We're not sure why but Jacob heard it was because they figured they'd blow out everyone in their bracket (spoiler: they would have).  So, in an effort to not cast a bad light on the town league with the tournament organizers, they needed to fill in the spot.  Those schedules are complicated enough without a last minute drop-out.  The last two players finally showed up with about five minutes to spare--one kid Jacob didn't know, and another that his teammate's mom said was a friend of her son's.  It turned out the kid was actually one of Jacob's best friends from elementary school, too!  Small world!  Jacob was happy with this group, but they only had five kids, which meant no rests and no fouling out.  It also meant no injuries, which got a little challenging when one kid got a bloody nose and Jacob jammed his finger!  But they played on.  The first half was pretty decent, but as the game wore on it was clear they were getting tired.  It also started to sink in that if the original team dropped out, that probably meant there were at least 3-4 other games that needed covering.  Sure enough, after the tough loss, the coach came over and explained that there was another game on Saturday at 5:20.  Okay, so maybe it would be a basketball weekend after all.

Saturday morning was Carter's game, and we were thrilled to see him get his second basket!  His team still can't seem to put together a win, but Carter's basket got them within two points!  We stopped at CVS on the way home to pick up tape for Jacob's finger, then had a few hours at home (mostly peaceful Xbox basketball for the boys and diamond painting for me) before it was time to leave for Jacob's game.  When we got there, we were once again the only ones.  And as time ticked down, we were still the only ones.  Finally a couple other kids showed up, but with only five minutes to game time, it was just those three.  At the last minute the coach and his son came in, and we were up to four.  It was decided that they were going to do four-on-four just to get the game in.  When the fifth player showed up a couple minutes in, they decided to stick with four-on-four just so the team would have one player to rest.  It seemed to suit Jacob's game just fine because he ended up with eight points.  They kept the game pretty close, but once again couldn't pull it out.  And once again, word came that there were two games on Sunday, so we were going to try again--and coach was going to try to get new kids.  Of course, this was probably the last thing on his mind because after Jacob's game he was off to the Blue Cross Arena for Rochester's top-level sectional championship with the high school team he coaches!  And sure enough, late last night they won!  And yet he was right back at it at 9:30 this morning for his 16U travel team's practice, and by 12:30 we were back at the tournament for two more games!  I told Jacob this morning that it's not every day you get to play for a Sectional champion, so he should really just enjoy it!

The boys gave it a good effort, and even had a sixth man today, a big man who is also on Jacob's travel team and who he played with on his championship team last summer.  He's a nice kid but maybe not the sharpest at times (he forgot his shirt and cost the team a technical almost every game!), and I feel like if he lived in the south he'd get a lot of "Bless his heart!"  But he was a good rebounder, and listening to the other teams' parents discussing his size was entertaining.  They were winning both games for a time, but unfortunately couldn't pull out either one.  Jacob scored six points in the first and got shut out in the second, but both games were good efforts all around.  He mostly just couldn't get open or get the ball in the second game.  But 16 points in four games isn't half bad, especially since the team wasn't actually a team!  They did well faking it, though!

In between games, Carter and I took a walk around the campus on a lovely mid-50s day.  We walked up to the quad near the library...

Carter remarked how he thought they "did a good job" on this side of the library and thought it looked like a castle!

I took him inside to see a couple of my favorite spots, one of which is a traditional reading room and the other is the landing at the top of these steps, which I think I've posted pictures of before.  He thought this area in the lobby looked like a museum.

Back outside he wanted to go toward the chapel, which I've pointed out before.  As we walked, he noticed a leaf in a mud puddle and said that it was a bit sparkly.  He was right!  Maybe some rogue glitter or a leftover ice crystal?  It all felt very literal, though, like how you're supposed to take walks with your kids and delight in all of the little things they notice.  Never thought I'd see sparkles on a muddy leaf!  We got to the chapel and managed to get in the front door, but unfortunately we weren't able to go into the chapel itself.  I love it in there so much because of the lovely rainbow-colored stained glass.  We could see some of it through the doors, but the full effect is so much better inside!  But it was pretty outside, too, overlooking the river and the words to the school's alma mater posted on a rock.

It's always nice to explore the campus, especially on one of the first nice spring days!

After the second game, the coach offered to treat the kids to the trampoline park (and after the 24 hours he had, I'm pretty sure he's superhuman to offer that up), so off we went.  I think he was just grateful for the kids filling in on short notice to keep the league's good name intact.  He even took care of Carter, which was extra sweet.  This was Carter's first time at a trampoline park, and while flu season and the middle of a major virus outbreak (still downstate, but still) didn't feel like the best time to be at a germ hotbed, we weren't about to pass up the opportunity.  I spent most of my time with Carter (gotta let the big kid hang out with his buddies, right?), and he got the hang of it on the main floor.

Jacob and his teammates mostly hung out near the basketball hoops (shocker).  Jacob is #43 in line.  He could dunk on this hoop!  They moved on to something else before I could get a video.

They went over to a jousting area, and it was humorous watching a bunch of pre-teen boys (and one older brother) beat up on each other!  Carter seemed to enjoy the foam pits.  There was one near the jousting area and a rock climbing wall that he enjoyed getting stuck in (and starting a foam battle with strangers).

He then moved on to the pits where you can jump in using a trampoline, and then got up the courage to try the diving platform!

His final and longest stop was the extreme dodge ball area.  He had no hesitation picking up a ball and chucking it at people.  He took on an older teenage looking kid, and even chucked a few balls at one of Jacob's teammates!

Here he is in action!


It was a long, busy day.  By the time we finished up dinner at home, it started to sink in that I didn't really get a weekend.  Ugh.  I love my kids and all, and I'm glad Jacob had this opportunity, but boy am I tired.  Add in the time change and minimal down time, and I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the week.  Craig comes home tomorrow and I'm admittedly a little nervous about what he might bring back with him now that the Coronavirus is moving around a bit.  Weekends will remain pretty busy, too, so I guess I'm just getting a head start, but tonight I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Off to sleep...everything looks better in the morning, right?

A Pretty Square Weekend

So, suddenly it's March!  I'm not quite sure how that happened, but after a windy and snowy end to last week, it looks like the weather is getting on board with the new month because it's going to be above average warm (well, "warm") pretty much all week.  This winter has been super weird.  We're leading the country in snow (85 inches, I think?) which is about average, but it seems like everywhere else has been well below.  Heck, I just realized I don't think I remember hearing much about any crazy nor'easters hitting NYC or Boston with two-plus feet this year.  Weird.  The oddest thing about it, though, is that despite all that snow, it barely sticks around for more than a couple days at a time this year.  It snows a bunch and then it gets warm and rainy two days later.  It's been like that all year.  We have to be above the average temperature by a bunch, too, because it's hovered between 35-40 most of the winter.  We've hardly had any single digits for more than a morning, and even sustained days-long weather in the teens or 20s has been rare.  It's so odd.  And with warmer weather in the forecast, I can't help but wonder if we're just going to get off easy this spring, to make up for the abysmal year last year when it was legit cold until June.

We had a pretty good Leap Day weekend.  It was actually a pretty relaxing one, which was nice.  I'm trying to enjoy it because it won't last long.  Now that Jacob's town team is done, we're just in a waiting period for his travel team.  Practice starts this week and then in a few weeks we'll have a tournament locally before more travel starts.  We already have our schedule, though, and we'll be getting a nice tour of New York State over the next few months, on average every other weekend.  I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I guess we'll make it work.  Craig only has a few major conflicts, but luckily his roadtrips are almost done--one biggie this coming weekend, one shorter one after that, and then one really quick one to Toronto.  Other than that, just home games and he should be done at the end of April.  I guess there's a bright side to life moving fast--it'll be here before we know it!

So, this weekend Craig had a home game.  That took him out of commission for most of Saturday, but he did get Jacob to and from basketball training in the morning before heading off to work.  Shortly after that, the rest of us headed out to Carter's basketball game.  His team still hasn't won a game and this week was another rough go.  They lost by about 10, which was shocking considering the number of times they gave away the ball to the other team.  I think Carter touched the ball once or twice, but every time someone tried to pass the ball up the floor, they did some crazy long pass that got intercepted.  The other team had a kid who wasn't shy about flat-out stealing the ball, either, so it just made for a really frustrating game.  It was honestly really annoying to watch the same thing happen over and over, and I normally consider myself pretty low-key while watching games.  This was bad.

After that, I'm not quite sure how it happened, but we had a peaceful afternoon at home.  The boys started collaborating on a Minecraft build, and peacefully kept themselves occupied with that all afternoon.  I know, screen time is bad, but they were talking and peacefully communicating and not arguing.  For extended periods of time!  That NEVER happens.  So I went with it.  It worked out well, since I needed to un-Valentine the house (not to mention a couple of winter stragglers).  It felt a little early for spring and Easter, so I had to track down as much generic décor as possible for the next few weeks.  I also managed to bake a cake (to use up some frosting) and hard boil some eggs in the Instant Pot, to use in a recipe with leftover asparagus and to make Carter some egg salad (which he loves).  After all of that and two loads of laundry, I finally got to sit down and start my new project: a diamond painting!

If you've never heard of it (I don't think most people have), it's basically a paint-by-number that uses little plastic pieces (a.k.a., the diamonds).  They can be round or square (mine are square) and cut to look sort of "jewel"-ish, which makes them shine and sparkle a bit.  They are tiny--smaller than an eighth of an inch wide.  They give you a canvas with pre-applied adhesive, and the picture under the adhesive is broken down into pixels.  Each pixel is marked on the canvas with a symbol, which corresponds to a color.  You use a little pointer instrument with a wax tip to pick up the little squares and place them on the canvas, one at a time.  There is a tool that can do more at a time, but that seems like more trouble to me than it's worth.  It takes a good eye and steady hand, and lots of patience.  The end result is part mosaic, part needlepoint.  Up close, the final visual effect looks like a mosaic, but from mid-range it looks more like needlepoint because of the pixelization.  However, the added sparkle makes it a bit cooler.  From afar it can look just like a regular picture.  I picked a very colorful, somewhat abstract picture, When Dreams Come True by Leonid Afremov.  I got a rather large one, 40x60cm, because smaller ones tend to look more pixelated and lose detail.  So, I figured, go big or go home!

Big it is...and look at all of those colors!

It's not the cheapest hobby, nor do I think I want to decorate my whole house in these, but I'm finding it quite addicting.  It's rather relaxing, even with having to change out the colors of the diamonds every few minutes.  There's a paper covering the adhesive, so you only want to take that off gradually so it doesn't get dried out or fuzzy.  That means that you can work on a small area, fill in everything of one color, switch to another, fill in those, and gradually peel back as you run out of space or realize there's more of the same color just beyond the paper's edge.  There have been spots with only one or two of a certain color, so that part feels a little tedious, but for whatever reason it's not at all boring.  And because you're just sort of moving along filling in holes, there's never really a clear breaking point.  It's easy to say, "Oh, just one more color," and then have another straggler color sucker you in to do more.  It's fascinating.  I love watching the colors come together and pick up details in the picture, like the bluish glare on a black lamppost, or how the light shines off the pavement and presents as countless different colors.  Sometimes you wonder how important the subtle color differences are, or you place an odd color in the middle of a completely different one, and then you see the end result and realize, "Oh, yeah, that does work!"  The subtle differences in color are amazing--there are four different whites alone, and each one definitely has its own purpose.  When you see images emerge from the picture, one color, one pixel at a time, it's pretty amazing.  So, I spent a solid chunk of time on Saturday and Sunday working on that.  I got maybe 1/12th of the way done, so I still have a long way to go.

The beginning

Midday Sunday--a tree trunk, lamp post, and park bench

In the meantime, the boys kept working on Jacob's epic Minecraft basketball arena.  He'd worked on it a couple other times previously, but he and Carter really tried to add some finishing touches this time.  Jacob did most of the work and Carter was content to observe, but then yesterday Jacob offered up some opportunities for him to help, which went pretty well.  There were a couple minor issues as the day went on, but for the better part of both afternoons they peacefully collaborated.  It felt so normal and yet completely miraculous.  That's probably how it's supposed to be, with two kids keeping each other occupied, but we get that so rarely.  Bonus points that it gave me time to do my stuff both days and gave Craig time to chill on his own on Sunday.  And like I said, while the extreme screen time wasn't ideal, the mere fact they were getting along felt far more important to me.  They need more positive bonding like that to remind themselves that maybe they could like each other.  So I'll ride this horse as long as we can before it inevitably breaks down.  Oh, and if Jacob ever calls this project done, we'll probably do a ridiculously long video tour of it because it's super duper impressive.  It was so good that when I baked that cake to use up birthday frosting, I decorated it for the "grand opening" of the arena.  It's definitely not up to my standards, but I was doing it fast and doing some experimenting that mostly didn't pan out.  Oh, well.  But it was sort of funny when the boys saw what I did!

As we all worked away on our respective projects, I couldn't help but appreciate our parallel existences.  After all, they were building an arena one cube at a time, and I was building a picture one square at a time.  Lots and lots of pixelated cubes and squares in our house this weekend!  We were also similarly struggling with stopping ourselves.  As I said, there was never a clear stopping point with mine, and Jacob was always finding one more thing to build onto when it was time to leave the house or go to bed.  I guess that apple didn't fall far from the tree!  When we set our minds on something I guess we just need to complete it!

Speaking of leaving the house, the other highlight of the weekend was going to the Knighthawks game.  We hadn't been to one since the opener due to a number of factors, so it was time.  It was Military Night, so Craig's parents came in, and we got to spend the evening in a suite with them.  Craig went all out getting us a nice setup, complete with fancy food and a Knighthawks pullover for his mom.  For all the years I've been around that arena, my time in suites has been limited, so even I enjoyed it!

Craig's dad is so proud of his veteran status, and I couldn't help but snap this picture during the anthem, as he saluted the giant flag on the field.

Craig submitted a bunch of old family photographs for a scoreboard segment honoring service men and women during a break in the game, and the look on his dad's face as he saw more and more pictures he recognized was awesome--himself, his dad, and his uncles!  It was also neat to watch his parents get excited to see Craig on the in-house TV feed and hear his play-by-play.  They were clearly so proud and it was nice for them to get a chance to appreciate in person how good he is at what he does.  Craig also took them out to the postgame party and they got to meet players and Craig's co-workers.  They even had a nice hotel room to go back to, and I'm sure they enjoyed the solitude since they have a full house these days.  I think it was really a treat for them, and from my perspective it was fun to watch since they don't get to see Craig in his element very often.

Overall, it was a great weekend.  It had a little bit of everything--fun, relaxation, self-care, and a distinct lack of yelling!  Not that it made it much easier to go back to work today, but it definitely felt fulfilling in a way weekends usually don't!  Yay for a little bit of normalcy.