I try to not go more than a week or so without posting something here, mostly because it's so easy for little but important things to get lost to time if I go much longer than that. It doesn't always work out, but I try. I apologize if things get a little boring as a result of life being less-than-exciting right now, but I still like to give myself little nudges to remember what was happening at any given time when I'm looking back years later. This blog often serves as my memory bank, so when things go missing it will probably bug me years down the road that there's no record of some random thing I wanted to reference!
We had a relatively uneventful but still interesting enough week, I guess. The kids and I had off on Monday, which was helpful because I had spent the weekend taking down the Christmas stuff and I was tired! Tuesday Craig had an endoscopy as a follow-up to his colonoscopy the previous week. Early indications are that he had some inflammation but most of the bloodwork wasn't pointing to Celiac. Still waiting on the rest of the pathology from both procedures and what next steps might be. But because Craig was put under again, it meant another day of going to the appointment with him, being the sole driver afterward, and managing all the kids' needs. It was such an annoyingly disjointed day--rough morning with Jacob for drop-off, a dentist appointment for me, then we figured since Craig couldn't drive we'd drop off his van for an inspection and oil change, then off to his appointment where I worked from the waiting room. We grabbed some lunch for him on the way home and he napped it off, but Jacob needed food mid-afternoon for his long stretch at school before practice, then we had to pick up the van, I had to figure out dinner (that was a fail due to timing issues), Carter had basketball practice that night, followed by a Wegmans run before picking up Jacob--and all of that meant it was sort of a weird day where I felt like I didn't get nearly enough done. The rest of the week I just felt generally distracted. My boss has had issue after issue keeping her out of work, which has been challenging as well. It also probably didn't help that I was still waiting for more news on Heather and overall it seems like there's just so much sickness around and not-great health news on a lot of fronts that things are sort of depressing. Heather's heart stuff that the operation was for is apparently coming along well, but I found out Saturday she's had a couple other complications, so that has been weighing heavily on my mind as well. Keep her in your prayers. Oh, and then over the weekend we found out one of Craig's extended family members (not a close one, but still) took his own life, much like his son had a number of years ago. Sad stuff. For a lot of reasons things just felt mentally overwhelming for parts of the last week--I just kept thinking of this line from a song from one of my old favorite bands, "Strange the things you notice when the walls are closing in, And the walls are closing in on me today." I know that sounds ominous, but I promise you I was fine--mostly just mentally tired thinking through a lot of things, specifically how much some people are struggling right now and feeling powerless to do anything about it.
Jacob only had one game last week, on Friday, and as I mentioned, Carter started his Upward season with a practice on Tuesday (after his first one was canceled due to weather) followed by a game Saturday. Jacob had a nice 11-point showing in a super weird game. He had his first nine points in the first quarter (nine of the first 14 points, in fact), but the team we were playing wasn't very good so he was used sparingly for a bit, and then he sort of lost his scoring touch when he made it back in later. That was sort of how all of last year went, so it didn't shock me, but it was a bummer. The whole flow of the game was weird because all of the bench players were in and out, and then there was a near-fight in the third quarter that took forever to sort out. We won, but it was just a tough game to watch considering it ended up an easy win.
Carter's first game was intriguing because he's up a level this year, and is now playing at the same level Jacob started out at. Upward was his first basketball experience in 2019 and he was already hitting threes pretty regularly courtesy of a summer of frequent gym access at camp. Carter is not at that level, but we were interested to see what the level of play was because we felt like Jacob's season was a bit more like "real basketball" than Upward was for Carter last year. They also have outgrown the color-coded, assigned defender setup (they could only guard the person wearing their same color band) which was always a little limiting, so we hoped it would open things up a bit. Well...maybe it opened things up too much. It was pretty much controlled chaos--a lot of kids can barely dribble, others tend to just grab the ball from the less agile kids (one kid just kept standing there in shock for a couple seconds every time it happened to him), and anyone coming down the floor haphazardly heaves the ball at the net 75% of the time. I'm convinced that the pandemic coming at a formative time for Carter's
basketball cohort ruined their development, because game one felt like
the same mess as last year and definitely not as good as Jacob's year. They ended up tying the game 16-16, which was better than most of Carter's games in his previous two seasons - he only had one win and two ties in a little more than a dozen games prior, so I guess it could have been worse. He didn't score, only had one shot and barely touched the ball otherwise. People wouldn't pass to him, although he needs to get better with his positioning, and as usual there's one kid who's probably their best player but also an inconsistent ball hog, which results in a lot of fast break shots that might have been better off being passed. With Jacob's team there were definitely a couple really good kids and a couple who could barely dribble, but the rest were decent enough players. This was NOT like that. And we know scores were higher back then, although some of that could have been that Jacob's team (and one other as I recall) were just that much better. But Carter's coach seems nice and they were one practice behind the other team so hopefully they'll figure it out, and obviously Carter has a live-in advisor. Having a brother who is a basketball whiz is a blessing and a curse. Jacob forgets that not every kid is blessed with natural ability and that hard work only goes so far for those kids, but he does know the game and should be able to help Carter if he stops being sort of condescending about it. Sigh.
Otherwise, I think the only notable thing was that it snowed a bunch over the course of the week. Never more than a few inches at a time, so it stayed manageable. It snowed pretty hard a couple times, but at least the snow itself was light and fluffy. It just made for some challenging travel at times. I think in the end we got about 10 inches, but it certainly didn't feel that way. But that meant on Sunday that Carter and I needed to go sledding! I owed him one after being gone for the last big snowfall (and taking someone else's kid sledding on top of it, haha), so we decided to revisit the big hill we went on as a family a few years ago. Because we went right after church, it was way less busy than it was last time--not to mention last time was in the midst of the COVID-induced burst of interest in safe, outdoor activities. We were able to snag a spot on the main part of the hill, rather than being relegated way down on the edge of being off park property, where your sled ran into thick brush if you weren't careful! We still had to work to avoid other people sometimes, especially when they went wildly off track, which happened. But it was a gorgeous day for it (but cold!) and we had a blast. I was so tired from climbing the hill by the time we were done and sore the next day, but it was worth it.
How it looked from the top of the hill:
How it looking going down (on the saucer, which spun me mercilessly):
Two of Carter's runs...note the fun at the end of the second one:
It once again got me dreaming of going tubing where you get towed up the hill and have faster and smoother (and presumably safer) runs. I've wanted to do it as a family since that last sledding day, and now I'm thinking I'm probably better off just planning it for Carter and me at some point, either at our somewhat-local one or just planning a weekend or break day in the southern tier. The one I went to in Quebec was peak amazingness, but that one is so far, so cold, and so French that it's rather intimidating to consider going back.
The snow was so fluffy when we got home that Carter couldn't resist flopping into it!
We finished off Sunday with a disappointing Bills playoff loss. Again. It's an annual thing now and it sucks. I guess being in the playoffs is better than where we were 10 years ago, but it is heartbreaking to see a team with a lot of potential get close but ultimately fall short. It gets worrying that time is passing and talent is getting wasted. Being a Buffalo fan in any sport is rarely easy, but I swear those four Super Bowls completely cemented a certain brand of cynicism and angst that springs up like new every time we get a loss like this. It just hits harder than it should but is also just part of existing as a Buffalo fan, if that makes any sense.
So, now on to another week. Jacob has what I think is his third cold in about a month, but I guess the timing is decent since he only had school yesterday and midterm exams today and is now off for the rest of the week. He still has basketball, including a couple games, but it's not COVID so I'm sure he will play through. Carter is excited for another practice and is counting down to playing his buddy Ben the week after this one. His morning schedule has eased up a bit so we'll definitely take an extra day or two with more sleep. Every evening this week is booked for me--picking up a Kohl's order Monday, Carter's practice Tuesday, a work thing Wednesday, and basketball Thursday and Friday (one of which is in Buffalo). Craig is off to Halifax this weekend. I should be getting our new shelf in a few days so that should be my project while he's gone, assembling it, moving furniture, and getting things organized. It's one of the few things that makes me feel like I can make a dent around here, so fingers crossed it works out okay. My brain has felt scattered for the last week or so with all that's been going on, and I'd really like to get that managed soon. Maybe a puzzle to keep me off screens?
Ugh...January, you've been moving along nicely, but you've still managed to mess with me...is it Friday yet?
We ended up having a bit of a weird week. Not bad, just sort of weird. Lots of stuff, some wacky weather, and plenty to fill a long weekend.
As I mentioned in my last post, Carter wasn't feeling great at the start of it, so we got an evening doctor's appointment just to get him checked out. The nurse practitioner wasn't concerned. His lungs were clear and figured that he just had enough post-nasal drip that it had caused his cough, and now he had another virus on top of it. The cough is still hanging in there and the new virus is too, though he still seems a bit better. That night began Craig's colonoscopy prep, so that was a bit rough.
Tuesday was a bit of a wacky day. Craig's colonoscopy was late morning, so I worked from home until it was time for that. I worked in the waiting room for a couple hours waiting for him, pulling a bunch of reports that needed to be pulled that day after our books closed. Craig did have a good number of polyps. A couple seemed relatively standard, but some others seemed to be related to inflammation. I've been telling Craig to get a colonoscopy for years because he tends to have some cranky digestion more frequently than I find normal, and I figured he probably had irritable bowel. He has thought he's lactose intolerant, but the doctor was intrigued by finding out that our son has Celiac, so he now has an endoscopy scheduled to check for that. Yay. That wasn't great news, but hopefully nothing serious or that can't be managed. My cousin is going through colon cancer treatment now (just got some great news that his tumor has shrunk to almost nothing!), and anything would be better than that.
We came out to the beginnings of some crazy weather. Wind was ramping up that night along with mixed precipitation. We grabbed some quick, bland lunch, though it was a bit odd because Craig was still pretty dopey from the anesthesia. I went back and finished work from home for the day, but over the course of the day, Jacob's evening basketball game and Carter's first Upward practice got canceled due to the wind. It ended up not being too terrible here, but around Buffalo gusts were over 70mph. The canceled stuff was disappointing, for sure, but I think they didn't want buses out on the roads when semis were getting blown over.
Wednesday I had a morning work meeting all morning (but at least a good lunch), and then hammered through as much work as I could. With it being the day after my report-pulling day, it meant our crazy period of reporting had begun so I had a ton of stuff to get done. Oh, and did I mention my boss' son was having a medical emergency so she wasn't really around? It was just a bit of weird week on that front, too. Thursday I was working back at home but had to do some running around for Jacob mid-afternoon. I had to wrap up promptly because we had a busy evening! Jacob had a game and Carter had a concert. I hated to miss Jacob's game but of course I had to go to the concert! It featured the orchestra, band, and chorus, which meant Carter was doing double duty. After a quick jazz band song (featuring Carter's buddy Ben), orchestra was up. He was first chair (of two, but still).
He's just to the right of the conductor
I found out that day that he was introducing one of their songs! He did such a great job.
A couple of the songs sounded a bit off to me, but this one, "Calypso Holiday" was pretty good.
I was so proud of him. Performing used to give me so much anxiety, so his ability to do this impresses me to no end.
Chorus was up next. It was the 4th and 5th grade chorus, and they did a really nice job.
Carter is in the black shirt to the right of the conductor.
"Waters Ripple and Flow" was really pretty.
Imagine my surprise when I found out Carter was playing an instrument for "Oye La Musica" in addition to singing! He did such a great job doing double duty for this song.
I was really hoping the band portion would go a little quicker because I wanted to make it to the end of Jacob's game, but alas, the band portion went long enough that we wouldn't make it. He did end up with four threes in a tough loss. Carter and I settled for a photo and went out for ice cream!
Friday was an in-person day for me, and while I was hoping it would be a shorter day in the office, I ended up getting caught up in things and staying most of the day. I was a little preoccupied waiting for word on Heather's surgery--the doctor was pleased with how she came out but I haven't heard much since and haven't wanted to pry. But I was mostly just extra eager for the weekend because it was a long weekend.
I spent Friday night starting to take down the Christmas decorations. I actually pre-gamed the decor by assembling our new shower storage. Our old storage tower, which we'd had since Jacob was a baby and the tub toys started to take over, had officially rusted out and one shelf was hanging on by a thread. I finally found one that seemed like it would work, which came earlier in the week. I had procrastinated putting it up because I feel like they're always a little complicated. It probably took me 20 minutes, but it really wasn't too bad and it holds a ton and seems much more stable than our old one. I can't even tell you how that little thing made me feel just a little bit better about the mess that is our house.
The weather was whipping up again Friday night with more wind, and I was wondering if Jacob's Saturday game would be impacted like Tuesday's was. The Bills' Sunday playoff game had already been postponed because Buffalo was supposed to get a crapton of snow (again) on top of crazy winds. I did what I could Friday night but didn't get very far. I tried to do more on Saturday morning but between sleeping in, working out, and getting Jacob to school, I wasn't very productive then either. The winds really got going by then and I did everything I could to ignore them. By the time Carter and I had lunch, we had to take off shortly after, a bit earlier than expected, to bring Jacob some food and meet Craig at the game because he had been at work since early that morning. We knew the game was going to be a tough one because they were playing Avon, which is a ranked school and has a few really good players (including the Section V single-game three-point record holder). As predicted, it was pretty rough, although Jacob was hot early on. He barely saw the ball later but ended up with 13 points. It was a bummer of a loss, and the weather upon our exit added insult to injury--blowing snow within the band. Yuck.
Buffalo was getting hammered even worse. We only got a couple inches over the course of the weekend thanks to a few passes by the lake effect band, but Buffalo got absolutely dumped on. Even my parents got somewhere in the neighborhood of a foot, but areas in the southtowns (around the stadium and Craig's family) got at least two feet and some areas over three. They were trying to dig out the stadium right up until gametime on Monday afternoon and the seats still had tons of snow. Fans went through waist-deep snow to their seats, but I'm thinking it was worth it since they won! Luckily the weather was minimal here--I mostly just slept with earplugs one night and it must have been blowing in a favorable direction to not drive me nuts shaking the house. All things considered I was thankful for that being better than expected but I'm hoping everyone in Buffalo stays safe, especially since another storm is coming their way this week and could dump a couple more feet.
I spent the rest of the night Saturday cleaning up the rest of my non-tree decorations and redecorating for winter. I started to take off the ornaments on the little tree late that night as Craig got home from his game (also a loss). Sunday was a full day of tree takedown, minus church and a couple-hour coffee date, the third monthly one with my friend Marcia. We are still really enjoying it. I started to feel a little odd after I got home but pushed through the tree anyway. I didn't feel terrible, just off. We went out to dinner as a family, and I pretty quickly went to bed once I finished the tree afterward because I had a headache and my digestion seemed off. I didn't have a stomach ache but something on the lower end seemed funky. I felt a little reflux-ish and the headache just made me feel a little nauseous. I was in bed early but didn't go to sleep for a long time--both because the boys were up late and loud, and because I was uncomfortable. I had restless sleep full of weird delusional thoughts for at least the first half of the night. My brain makes up sort of a weird narrative sometimes--I can't remember what, but when it happens it's usually an alternate-reality scenario I swear is real and somehow need to attend to--and it leaves me sleeping very shallowly in a half-conscious state. I finally did sleep better and got to sleep in a bit, but I can't say I felt great most of the day. Better, since the headache was gone and my digestion behaved, but I still felt tired and unsure if my body would cooperate when I ate. It did, but I still felt a bit reflux-y and blah. I mostly just killed time until the Bills' game and got in a lot of screen time. I wanted to do more, but just didn't want to move. The house is almost back to normal but there's one spot I still need to add decor to and I need to figure out what we're doing with the toy corner and basement. The plan is to buy a 16-cube storage shelf for the basement that can display Lego creations, store extra Legos, and maybe hold some games or other toys, either for storage or display. The IKEA Poang chair that's in the corner of the basement can come up to the living room, the exercise bike can go downstairs by the new shelf, and the living room will hopefully look a little less chaotic overall. I think we have a plan, but we'll see if it works out as expected. It'll create a new challenge come holiday time next year when we move furniture around, but we'll cross that bridge in 10 months.
Oh, and we also got Jacob's spring schedule for travel basketball Sunday night, which probably added to my stress and restlessness. It includes another Easter tournament (noooo) and a lot of long drives. Probably no flights unless they make it to the big championship in Nebraska, but the drives are significant--like Philly, Michigan, both ends of Ohio, New Jersey, Indiana...although we're happy about Indiana because we have some additional sightseeing to do there--maybe back to the Hickory gym, hopefully to the Indianapolis Children's Museum, and maybe a couple other basketball things on Jacob's list. We get near-ish to Cedar Point, Kings Island, and Hersheypark, which are all already open for the season when we're there, but I don't think it will work out to go to the parks unless we get really creative. But we'll see. Overall less intimidating than last year, but still a LOT, and I haven't even thought about how that will impact school or work.
So, onward to another week, thankfully a four-day one. Craig's endoscopy is tomorrow, after my morning dentist appointment, and Carter's now-first practice is tomorrow night. We'll see what happens with Craig's diet after his appointment--that's definitely the wild card of the week. No basketball until Friday (well, aside from daily three-hour practices...ugh), and then Carter plays on Saturday. I still feel like I have a ton of stuff to work on around the house, and I just don't have full energy for it. I wish I would have had more of a chance to get the kids to clean up their respective piles this weekend while we had the extra day, but apparently my energy only went so far. I have a few more things to give away via the Buy Nothing page, so hopefully that will inspire more willingness to purge. But at least things are a little less chaotic without the Christmas decor, even if I do miss it. I want to pull out a puzzle to cut down my screen time now that the dining room table isn't as full, and later a diamond painting leftover from the pandemic. And hopefully the shelf's arrival will inspire me to organize the toys and make the house a bit more tolerable. The month countdown to Carter's birthday is on, too. Lots to keep my mind busy during this otherwise blah time...
Despite worrying about weather and illness and whatever else last week, I was luckily able to make my long-overdue trip to Binghamton. Jacob had a game Friday night, and good thing I stayed in town for it because he scored a career-high 29 points and nine threes! It was crazy. Unfortunately they lost against a team they should have beat--it was just a weird game where they couldn't seem to get anything going until the second half, and after that Jacob just took off. During the preseason we had an instance where I was helping Carter with a game on his phone and Jacob went on a run of threes, and the longer I didn't watch the game, the more he scored. I think I've resorted to it a couple other times this season, but this was definitely the best it ever "worked"! It was pretty incredible. Only one three short of tying the school record...so of course now they want him to get the state record this year...ha!
Saturday morning I got up bright and early--or as early as I could after a late night--and finished packing up for my trip. I had figured out that I should be able to drive there without an issue in the morning, and then we'd probably spend most of the weekend homebound because of the incoming snow storm. It looked like it should fade by later Sunday so I figured the roads would be fine by then to come home, but I still brought my work computer and an extra change of clothes just in case something changed and I needed to stay the night. I also loaded up some items for the snow--both for fun and safety--and five bags of hand-me-downs plus two separate bags of shoes! I had quite the full car!
I got on the road about when I figured I would. By the time I got coffee and breakfast and filled my gas tank, it was just about 8am. That meant I would get there shortly before 11am. The drive was clear and easy. The first hour seemed to take forever for some reason, but the rest went pretty quick and uneventfully.
From the moment I got there, my godson Mason was so excited! Heather must talk me up good because most three-year-olds are weird around people they don't know well, and he was instantly all in! I could pick him up for hugs, he wanted to show me things right away, he was just ready to go! I hadn't seen him in just over a year, and his talking was so good and he is really like such a little boy now. And he's really smart and clever, too! But of course he's also a three-year-old boy so he is always up for a tackle or a tickle or being a little crazy!
We spent most of Saturday just playing with toys and watching the snow fall outside.
He really likes my phone, and was happy to smile for a selfie--even if he is a squirmy worm! I was amazed this one wasn't blurry!
He really took a liking to games and videos on my phone, which was originally a distraction technique while dinner was being made, but it turned into his favorite thing...oops. We promptly had to dial that back a bit and make it more of a carefully portioned out activity because stopping became a challenge! What can I say, my phone is fun! We played with my koi pond app, and then tried to find a Duplo app because my kids loved them, but those seem to be mostly behind paywalls now. We tried out this silly fruit merge game where you fling fruits onto the board and try to collide the same fruits which then turn into other fruits. We eventually found out cherries become blueberries, blueberries become apples, apples become peaches, peaches become dragon fruits (we were very excited about dragon fruits!), dragon fruits become coconuts, and coconuts turn into a giant green fruit we couldn't identify--maybe a watermelon or cantaloupe or something? He really liked watching videos of almost anything, but was most excited when I showed him a video of the Cedar Downs ride at Cedar Point. Binghamton is the Carousel Capital of the World (so many public parks have them!) and Heather and I come from the Home of the Carousel, where the Herschell Carrousel factory was, so he comes by the fascination honestly. And when I told him there was one that went extra fast and raced, he loved it!
I guess I should share here that being a godparent is sort of an interesting place to be. Because we lived apart from our nieces and nephews, I suppose we never really had the close relationships with them like some people do. And we haven't really had particularly deep friendships with other couples since we became parents, even through years of sports and kids in school. It took up until three years ago to have one of my long-time, close friends have a child, so I haven't had a lot of experience with feeling connected to other people's kids quite like this. I imagine it's a little like a grandparent feels--that you have a strong love for them and a responsibility to them, but you get a little more leeway to be the "fun" authority figure because you're not the one ultimately responsible for making them into a decent human. As a parent you have a whole set of "rules" you hold yourself to, to not spoil your child and to discipline them properly. You don't want to set any bad precedents or lead them into bad habits, so I think you tend to be more strict--at least when your sanity can manage it. I mean, I know I'm not the only parent who regrets that a moment of survival mode probably started her children on a life-long relationship with screens, so sometimes a moment of weakness wins out. But as a whole, I think we try to find that balance between love and careful correction, but I personally struggled with that a lot and often think about how I wish I would have had more patience with my own kids, have been able to put love first and keep my sense of humor intact, rather than focusing so much on the discipline that felt necessary in the moment.
But as a godparent, while you still want to uphold the parents' rules, you probably have a little more ability to bend the rules, if only because it won't be your job to say no to it countless times in the foreseeable future. The parents can hopefully chalk it up as something special with that person and leave it at that. Or at least that's my take. But as someone who has been all parent, all the time for the last 15+ years, it's sort of a nice relief to get some time with a kid where you don't have to feel "on" all the time, where you have the energy reserves to be the fun adult for a day or two, and where it's OK if you use some light humor to counteract any misbehavior rather than feel like you have to be strict all the time, lest you seem flippant. It was nice to have that for a weekend--I just hope I didn't leave Heather with a kid who was constantly asking for a phone this week!
The snow continued to fall all day and gradually got deeper. By the time I had to move my car to the
other side of the road for alternate parking at dinner time, there was a
solid couple inches out there. Based on the forecast we knew not to expect church in the morning because their church is a half hour away and more than likely it would be hard to get there. We had a delicious dinner and a little more playtime, and then Mason headed off to bed. We had been talking about our Christmas PJs earlier so I got mine on while he got his on, and we compared before he went to bed. He had Mickey Mouse ones so obviously his were cooler! Once he was in bed, that finally gave Heather and me a chance to do what we do best--talk! We had done it throughout the day, but as anyone with kids knows, you can only do so much before you get interrupted! Eventually I think all the excitement tired us out, too, so off to bed we went!
And sure enough, Sunday morning the snow was pretty substantial. Maybe about six inches or so, which is something I haven't seen in a while! The plows seemed to do a pretty solid job, even with on-street parking, and Heather's husband Peter very sweetly brushed off my car and dug it out for me. We had a lazy morning in our PJs, followed by some amazing French toast and sausage! It was nice thick bread, which I clearly never get at home, and it was so good! We ended up going right from pajamas into snow clothes, as it was time to explore outside!
Mason had been a little hesitant to go in the snow when we talked about it on Saturday. On Sunday he was asking to play on my phone and we essentially teamed up to say "Later...after we go out in the snow", and that did the trick...on went the snow pants! He was a little hesitant at first, which isn't surprising since he probably doesn't remember much about snow, but rather quickly he figured out he could flop down into it, and he loved that!
We pulled out my sled and did a pull across the yard, but that was short-lived before he just wanted to play again.
Snow angel!
Mason also discovered the joy of eating snow. We directed him to the clean white snow away from the street and figured it was harmless enough! It was quite the winter wonderland outside. The trees were coated and it was just warm enough that it wasn't bad outside at all.
It was also fantastic packing snow, which made me think of Carter at
home because he spent all winter last year waiting for a decent snow
with packing snow to make snowballs. It seemed like every time it
snowed last year, which wasn't much, it was all powdery and not very fun
to play in. But this was great! It was hard to see in the picture, but we made a little snow family!
We decided to all take a walk to the park around the corner because there was a sledding hill over there. When we got to the park I tried pulling him on the sled, but that was a pretty immediate fail!
We righted the ship and continued on!
The carousel building looked lovely in the snow!
We tried a little hill across the way to gauge his tolerance for sledding. I went with him and he really liked it! He was very quickly asking to go on the big hill with the big kids! It was such a great hill and I said that if we had that hill in our neighborhood, Carter would be there every day! Mason absolutely loved it, and it's a good thing there were three of us because taking turns going up and down the hill was the only thing that let us do it as long as we did!
Here's a ride down with his dad!
And with his mom...
Of course when I tried to do a POV video, this happened:
But we got it right!
It was a little harder for Heather to get up the hill as much because, as I think I mentioned, part of the reason this visit was so important is because she was going in for major surgery this week. It's heart related--connected to a heart defect she's lived with all her life that's finally rearing its head--and stairs have been leaving her short of breath lately so clearly a snowy hill was not ideal! But every few runs she'd make it back up and take another ride. It was often a two-person job getting back up the hill between helping Mason and getting the sled up so Peter and I did what we could so she could rest.
Considering that sled is probably as old as I am--or close--it performed admirably. The rope finally bit the dust but that had definitely outlived its expected life span! I should be able to replace it. We had so much fun sliding and ultimately probably did more than a dozen runs before he was ready to go.
I did get a call from Craig in the middle of it saying that Carter probably needed to get into the doctor on Monday because he was sounding worse. He'd had a "smoker's cough" for a couple weeks. Not terrible but it sounded uncomfortable and wet-ish, and yet he felt fine and said it didn't hurt. His energy level was good and fever or no shortness of breath, so it didn't seem like pneumonia or anything like that, so we just kept an eye on it. He maybe had some sniffles at most leading up to it, but definitely not a full-fledged cold, so we were confused where it came from since it wasn't a typical post-viral cough situation. But now he was sniffling and sneezing, so germ-phobe Jacob was annoyed and we figured with hitting the two-week mark it was probably time. We did COVID test him the next morning and he was fine, and the doctor ended up just saying to keep an eye on it since his chest sounded clear and there was no fever. Winter's so fun, isn't it? Oy. But I have plenty of reminders in my Facebook memories this time of year of how much worse it can be, so I guess I feel lucky that's all it was!
We walked back home for some lunch, and I couldn't resist snapping this photo.
Sweet little family!
We were sure he'd conk out for a nap after all that action, but noooope. He was as silly as ever! We did do a little more time on my phone and computer, as promised, mostly watching sledding videos from when all four of us went on our big sledding day a few years ago and from when Carter and I made our own sledding hill over at his school during one of our last big snowfalls a couple years ago. He liked those!
At some point that day, Heather started going through the hand-me-downs I brought. There were three full bags of 3Ts, which he's already in, plus two bags of 4Ts (not to mention two grocery bags of shoes!). We figured he wouldn't need much of the winter stuff since he already has a bunch, so I told her that if she wanted to go through the 3Ts while I was there to pick out anything that might still be useful, I'd bring back what she didn't need and give them away here. I already have a bag of 2Ts that ended up mixed in with the bigger stuff, so I could probably just get rid of them all together through the Buy Nothing page. She's got enough on her hands the next couple months with surgery recovery that I figured that would be much easier! Of course, after a while, walking nicely through the "aisle" in the middle of the clothes lost its fun and we ended up with this!
Silly boy wanted to be buried!
In the meantime, the roads seemed good so Heather had called her mom to see if she wanted to stop over. I had said the previous day that it was a bummer that the snow might prevent me from seeing her this visit. She lived in the Tonawandas forever, but once Mason came along, she decided it made sense to move to Binghamton to spend time with him and help out, and it made even more sense once Heather's brother moved to Albany for work and wasn't in WNY either. I love Heather's mom--she is a spunky lady and always has been! She lived through our Hot Looks doll fashion shows and whatever other ridiculousness we concocted during sleepovers when we were tweens (especially since Heather's dad worked nights and she was usually solo with us), and she has weathered all the tough stuff life has thrown at her like a champ. It's shocking to think she's pushing 80 because she still gets around pretty well and has a very youthful attitude. Her other grandchild is grown so I think it's been a treat to have a little guy like Mason to keep her smiling! It was such a treat to have her stop over and hang out with us for the rest of the afternoon. I was thinking on the way home that the evolution of friends' parents is such an odd part of growing up. Early on we think our parents are everything, and then we go through this phase where our own parents are completely embarrassing for pretty much our last 8-10 years under their roof. However, I'm not sure I ever thought that way about friends' parents. Their kids might have been mortified but I don't ever recall thinking anyone's parents were that cringey. On the contrary, I probably thought they were cooler than mine, or at least had plenty of empathy if their parents did something legitimately embarrassing, since I had embarrassing ones of my own. Heck, there were always parents you wanted to ride with for school field trips, or parents who you didn't mind getting a ride home from, or whatever. I can't quite tell if Jacob is embarrassed by us at this point, but if he is, he doesn't really complain about it much. I know I was a jerk sometimes right up through college, so I guess I'm lucky? Anyway, I think as we get older, we realize everyone feels the same way about their parents and they're not really as embarrassing as we thought. By then it's even easier to relate to friends' parents (or even older relatives) and enjoy their presence, so it's always fun when we get to spend time with her.
Anyway, before I left, she snapped this picture for us...
Mason loves "Mason sandwiches"!
As sunset and dinner time approached, I decided I should probably get on the road. The radar was clear and while I knew I'd be driving in the dark regardless, the earlier I could get home, the better. Plus there was a big Bills game at 8pm! I packed up my stuff and brought it down, and then we all chatted again for a while. Mason seemed to get awfully snuggly about then--wanting to be picked up, laying his head on shoulders--and eventually he fell asleep on Heather so she laid him out on the couch. We finally tired him out! I hated to leave while he was sleeping, especially since he was rather concerned about me leaving on Saturday night and we had to reassure him I'd be there in the morning, but it probably made things easier, too. It was hard to leave, especially knowing the challenging weeks they likely have ahead with the surgery and recovery, but it had been a really fun trip and I felt so grateful that it was able to happen.
My trip home felt shockingly fast. I stopped for gas and a Slurpee about a half hour in (on purpose--I knew there was a Speedway station right off the highway) and then stopped just past the halfway point to get some dinner. It broke it up well, and I still swear by that route because there are so many more exits and notable spots along the route than when you take the Thruway. It's rare you go more than 10 minutes without an exit, and there are enough interesting things and cities along the way that it feels like you're consistently making progress, or could stop if you needed to. And the last 30+ minutes being my route home from Geneseo just makes it easier for some reason. It was a good drive and the night was capped off by a very important Bills win!
So, back to the grind this week, but thankfully with a long weekend ahead. But I guess you could consider this the epilogue of this trip: I was thinking the other day about how relationships change
significance as we get older. Heather and I probably most needed each
other through our grade school years because we were always the two
smallest in the class and it helped us feel less isolated to have
someone else who understood that feeling. We built a good friendship
over those years, seeing each other nearly every day up through 8th grade (even Sundays at church). But then life changed in some ways. In high school
our in-school paths barely crossed. I don't think we had any classes
together, and maybe only one lunch if I recall? We still had church and
youth group and to some degree summers, but for the most part we had separate groups of "daily" friends. I think there was a time
where the commonalities waned a bit, and we
didn't even have social media as a backup back then. Not that we weren't still friends, but life got busier and we didn't have the routine time together that we had as kids. We emailed through
college, checked in back at home, and visited a bit after that once we
moved away. She enjoyed my kids once I had them, but clearly I was busier by that point so we generally did
what we could around schedules. Looking back, I think our
lives had diverged a lot at that point. We lived in different places, we had
very different jobs, I was pretty overwhelmed by motherhood, and
probably felt a little weird about that knowing her struggles in that
area. We always had the past to fall back on, which helped whenever we
got together, and catching up was always a good way to reconnect. But I
think Mason's arrival moved us into a new phase of life where we had
new things to build on. We could relate on the motherhood thing so we
weren't so reliant on the past to deepen the relationship, so having yet
another (new) commonality definitely made it stronger.
I think, too, that
the older you get, the more you realize that a relationship that lasts
this long is rare, and something to be treasured. I think we take for
granted a lot of relationships when we're younger. You think your high
school friends will be your friends forever, or later your college
friends, so maybe it's easier to let older friendships fade because
you don't relate to them as much anymore and you have others to keep you occupied. Newer ones are the shiny new thing and they fit more easily into your current stage of life.
But as it turns out, sometimes those friendships don't hold as well as
we expect because our lives continue to evolve. Nowadays social media may keep you
connected to a broader group some degree--I admit I love being able to
watch old friends' lives from afar--but keeping a true in-person
friendship is harder, and ultimately I think only a select few are lucky enough to have things align enough to survive.
And even some of the good ones tend to fade over time for the reason I
mentioned above--that if too much of your life together exists in the
past and if you can't find new things to connect on, it gets harder to sustain it. That's probably why concerts are Mary's
and my main reason to get together these days, despite such a deep
relationship in college. Our current lives are very different and it
gets harder to find common ground to keep the conversations going. But music still works as a common interest and I
appreciate that we can pick up where we left off each time, but admittedly the in-betweens
are harder to find reasons to connect. So, long story short, I'm grateful Heather and I got
something special to bond over in this phase of our lives. Mason was a godsend in more ways than one. And now that
I'm at this stage of my life, it's pretty apparent how rare it is to
have a friendship that lasts 40+ years, when even some of the 20+ year ones have faded, so it feels that much more
important to hold on to it however we can.
I know that's a lot of deep thinking for what was otherwise a fun post, but I think--especially since she's in surgery as I type--that it's important to recognize something as special as we have and to be thankful that it's had a chance to evolve to something stronger in this stage of our lives. It's a big deal and we're very blessed.
Happy New Year! It was a pretty slow holiday week here as a whole. I'd love to include photos in this post, but...I didn't really take any. I feel like I spent a lot of time in my spot on the couch, be it sleeping, blogging, on my phone, or watching whatever the boys were watching. We barely went anywhere aside from Jacob's games and a few errands.
Despite that, I somehow picked up a bit of a cold. I've been fighting it back with Zicam and I'm really hoping that continues to do the trick because I have somewhere to go this weekend! I'm supposed to visit my oldest, dearest friend and my godson. It's pretty important for me to figure out how to make this weekend
happen because Heather is having surgery shortly after and we need to
get in some quality time beforehand, both because we're overdue (I still
don't know where last year went) and because I think the diversion
might be helpful to ward off nerves for a bit! My godson is like a totally different kid since I
last saw him at our weirdly-warm-weather New Year's Eve Eve zoo trip a year ago. So, hopefully my hardcore zinc intake keeps working and the weather goes south, literally, because there's a storm headed for the Northeast, and Binghamton is currently just in the worst ring of it. Of course it is. It's the first time I've tried to go there in more than a year, NYC hasn't gotten more than an inch in something like two years, and we've had next to nothing all season, but now the weather needs to get funky just as I want to travel. Arg. Based on current forecasts I think I can pull it off, but I'm keeping a close eye.
As a result of the impending visit, I have been spending the last couple weeks (on and off, as the holidays and our usual laundry allowed) getting hand-me-downs together. It's been a crazy process this time around because of how things got packed away across multiple sizes and seasons--I was still finding 3T shorts in the 5/6 bins because Carter was so skinny! But it will be good to pass more along. I also bagged up three bags of clothing donations and gave away some things via our local Buy Nothing page the week before Christmas. I didn't get to drop off the donations until yesterday because I was busy, forgot, and then arrived 30 minutes after their new donation cut-off time on my last off-day. I also gave away our car booster seats over the last couple days, so that's two more things out of the crawl space. It's a good feeling to get rid of stuff we don't need, and part of me wants to do more of it, but the other part of me hates "wasting" things, or giving things up that we could use, or dealing with the nostalgia involved, so I'm torn. Even going through clothes we have zero use for was harder than it should have been. I had a whole bag of 2T stuff that snuck into bigger size bins, and is now too small for my godson, and it broke my heart a little to see some of the sentimental favorites I'll be passing along to a random stranger. I know they'll go to good use, but it's emotional. We have a lot of work to do with Carter's toys and books coming up (although I have a plan I'm pondering for our basement that might ease up some of the mess in both the living room and basement), so I'm trying to keep some momentum.
The only downside to being away this weekend is that our Christmas stuff will likely be stuck up through mid-January. Usually that's not a big issue for me, but this year I feel a bit more torn. I usually do get a little antsy to get back to normal, get that huge task done, and go back to a more minimalist home, but this year I'm also still looking at the decorations and appreciating them. I feel a little weird for doing so, mind you--I wish I could put away half of it so I don't seem to be irrationally clinging to Christmas quite so hard--but it's such a game of Tetris fitting everything in bins that I have to do it all at once. On the bright side, MLK Day will provide a long weekend for me to finally do it if the trip does as planned.
Speaking of time off, being at home for the better part of a week and a half was interesting. Jacob has still been spending a lot of time with basketball between practices and training, so I guess there's been a little less solid togetherness than usual, plus Craig had a road trip. But I will say that I think--for the most part--things have been a lot more functional around here than they used to be. In past years it was like a constant battle. Now the boys can actually be functional around one another sometimes. They bond over Fortnite or other Xbox games, although inevitably someone kills or beats someone in the game and they argue for a bit, but for the most part things have been much more peaceful. I can't even explain what a relief that is after so many years of constant friction. It finally feels more like a real family around here than it maybe ever has. That statement made me a little sad to admit, but it's true. Sometimes it's felt like we're parents parenting two only children very separately, but a lot of the time now it feels like we can do things as a family and not have everyone end up frustrated.
Carter is still spending too much time on screens but he did try to play with his Treasure X gift over the last couple weeks and did build a couple magnetic tile forts. He actually asked for more tiles for his birthday because he runs out of squares with his giant creations! I'm still pondering that request, but I don't have many ideas so it's worth considering. He's definitely my biggest challenge for figuring out how to manage his ADHD. The biggest battle with Jacob is just generally keeping things picked up--mostly clothes in his room and all the dishes and snacks around his couch spot. He loses or forgets things sometimes but mostly has a pretty good grasp on where his things are--or should be. Carter, on the other hand, is all over the place. I can barely function myself sometimes--as I've mentioned, I suspect I have a touch of ADHD as well--so to keep him organized has been more overwhelming to me in recent years. He leaves pieces of everything everywhere. His dresser is just piles of items discarded there the second his thoughts shifted--books, toys, papers, etc. His school desk and backpack are black holes. I desperately want to get his things organized so he can see what toys and things he has and easily access them. He also has some cool things to display. That's the only way to get him to use things he has because he doesn't have the patience to dig through things or think about his options when he can't clearly see them. I want to get him a storage desk to make homework easier and get him back to zero with the clutter. Maybe next school break!
Jacob is a bit of a mixed bag these days, as most teenagers are. Sometimes I get these glimpses of the cool young adult he's becoming, where we can talk and he's completely pleasant and even amusing. We still get the anxiety spikes, though, where he ruminates on things and can't let them go. He's frustrated with school again. Last year he was annoyed with his classmates' immaturity, and this year it's much the same, just the inner city version rather than the sheltered kid version. He gets annoyed that his classmates are actively doing things to go nowhere in life and screw up their own paths. He's essentially in a city school and despite thinking a charter school might handle things better, that's not the case and he's very upset by what he sees on a day-to-day basis, both with the kids' behavior and the lack of repercussions from the staff. He just isn't comfortable making friends with most of the kids, and something we thought could have a positive impact on his social awareness (learning about different kids from different social/cultural backgrounds) has probably only reinforced a lot of negative stereotypes because he doesn't understand so many things. Like why do they treat the teachers like crap? Why do they never show up to school, or how could they have parents that sometimes refuse to drive them to school? Why do they have super expensive things when they likely don't have a lot of money? He's honestly starting to agree with the conservatives to some degree (yikes) because he sees an entitlement attitude and a victim mentality, and it frustrates him. I can see why, since he's striving to do his best. If he sticks around this school, he'd have a legitimate shot at valedictorian, which is actually a little crazy. His grades are good, but the thought he could rank super high without much of an effort is a little sad. But truth be told, in his brain this was only supposed to be a year or two stop before prep school or something better, so I don't think he really thought it through, despite us reminding him of some of the downsides. He was so frustrated in his old school and we didn't have a lot of options, so we did what we had to, and now he's back to the "grass is greener" philosophy. He often makes his old school sound like a dream compared to now, which is honestly sort of exhausting for us as we're constantly reminding him how miserable he was. Sure, it's possible he's more miserable now, BUT that is also a reminder that something you think is bad may not be that bad, so you need to be a bit more careful about writing something off because the next thing could be worse. At this point he's angling to move to Buffalo because he decided he doesn't really want to do prep school and doesn't have a lot of options left here. But then he says he wants to go to U of R to play basketball and live at home, so apparently he just wants us to move all over for the next few years. Good times. He's also still dealing with a lot of frustration over his basketball/life balance because his practices are long and late and he's not allowed to leave school for more than 90 minutes despite practice being at 6pm because some of his teammates had issues making it back earlier in the season. He's missing time at home, dinners at home, and any time to decompress. And then his coach wants him to come to open gym at 6am some days, despite not getting home until 9:30, then having to eat and get some downtime, which means he's getting to bed way too late. It's not ideal but Craig and Jacob are hesitant to push back, even though Jacob is risking more overuse injuries. But he's playing well and averaging close to 10 points a game, so we're very proud of him for that.
Of course, because he's been frustrated, he's defaulting to his preferred escapist fantasy, which is going back to Disney. Part of me is happy he has enjoyed our time there so much that he wants to go back, and part of me is just rolling my eyes and shaking my head because we very clearly said we'd take a year off (unless Craig's parents wanted to go with us sooner, then we'd talk). He knows that, but he's still pretty stuck on it. He spent a lot of his time home over break watching Disney YouTube videos. He has a couple people whose videos he really likes and he will gladly watch their resort reviews or ride rankings. I feel like we will be really well prepared by the time we go back! He also watches abandoned place videos and some other random stuff, but the Disney stuff makes him happiest for sure. It's cute in a way, I suppose, for a kid who's so focused on basketball and seems probably a bit oddly mature compared to some kids to be somewhat obsessed with Disney. But his desire to run off there every time he gets frustrated is probably not the healthiest. I did tell him he should keep an eye on Spirit flights as that might be about the only way to get there sooner for a shorter trip, but apparently Spirit is beneath him. Ha.
As for myself, I really did try to find the balance between work and rest over the time I had off. I still have sleepy episodes that I swear are long COVID or something, so it was nice to just be able to give in to those sometimes. In addition to the hand-me-down project, I tried to clean and reorganize where I could, even if it was just getting my next round of to-dos in order. The house is still a mess from Christmas and being fully lived in for a solid ten days, but the kitchen floor did get a long-awaited full scrubbing, so at least there's that. That is one of those tasks that epitomizes why I think I have ADHD - it just got overwhelming and paralyzing after a while and I really needed to push myself to do it while I had the time and mental space. To be clear, I vacuum and clean the floor with a Wet Swiffer whenever there is noticeable mess, so it's not like it goes untouched for months. The floor actually hides dirt brilliantly because it's all shades of gray, but eventually I notice that the grooves in the textured surface start looking darker, and that's my cue that scrubbing might be needed. Despite going an embarrassingly long time without doing it, the water wasn't nearly as dirty as I feared, so I guess holding off wasn't terrible. It definitely made it easier to tell when I had scrubbed enough because those grooves were clean again. Getting it done was a huge victory. The whole donation thing was also a big win because that pile had taken over our spare room for months. I still have more to get rid of, but it's progress. Oh, and because the hand-me-downs are going, I have more free bins to pack away toys when we cross that bridge.
Now that we've been off the couch and back at normal life for a few days (minus me not being at work until today because of my cold), we're strapping in for January. Basketball will go a long way toward getting us through before we know it. I did my yearly wall calendar last night and when I hung it up I was shocked at the number of things on it for January, between Jacob's games, Craig's games, and Carter's upcoming basketball practices and games, plus a concert. We have a "social" bulletin board at work and the upcoming theme is surviving winter, and I think my submission might be "Have a kid who plays winter sports and a kid who has a winter birthday" as those both make this tough part of winter go by more quickly. I'm grateful for it, I must say, even if in my next breath I'll say that time is going by too quickly! The eternal conundrum of parenthood, I guess!
