A couple weeks ago, I started getting memories popping up in Facebook from Craig's and my trip to the Dominican Republic two years ago. That trip feels like a fever dream sometimes. It was indeed a dream come true, so far removed from anything we'd ever done. But it happened at a time when things were falling apart at home, to the point I wasn't sure we could go, right up through that week. Jacob had a number of ailments, Carter's face was randomly swollen, and my anxiety was through the freaking roof. My parents held down the fort, thankfully, but once we were back, school promptly ended and we immediately hopped in the van to Pittsburgh, then came back to what was eventually a double case of COVID. So suffice it to say that the last half of June that year was a wonderful but exhausting and stressful blur.
The Dominican was the experience of a lifetime. I'm not sure we could ever afford an all-inclusive ourselves, so getting the chance to do this was special. The resort was beautiful, and it was so exciting to finally go to a different country. Having time just for ourselves was so rare, and in fact this was our first more-than-a-weekend-trip away with just the two of us since we'd had kids. As much as I hated leaving such a burden on my parents, especially at that moment in time, it was so nice to not be responsible for two other humans, a house, and my job for a handful of days. They were troopers, as they had both boys' baseball schedules and a few school things to manage, not to mention them being a handful even when not doing things.
I looked back through my pictures and the blog the other day, and marveled yet again at how great it was. I figured I'd post a few pictures that I didn't post the first time around.
I couldn't get enough of our balcony view, and I adored this palm tree that was so tall and so crooked.
The pools ran the length of the buildings, from swim-up bar to swim-up bar, and all this loveliness in between.
This was the ceiling of the main lobby at night. I loved the colors of the stained glass.
This was how our bed looked when it was made, complete with a pretty flower. It just oozes relaxation and luxury, doesn't it? It felt so decadent.
This was the outside view of the lobby. The way everything was lit up at night, especially with the metal lanterns, was so peaceful and magical.
I didn't love this pic, but I can definitely see the joy and relaxation on my face.
I don't know that I saw this picture until a while after--it was a selfie that Craig took that he posted for some occasion months later. I can really see the bliss on my face here. It was so fun getting time to spend together without interrupting kids or any responsibilities.
Sadly, news came out last weekend that there had been a major fire at a different resort in the Dominican. It was on the opposite side of the island from ours--we were in the northeast, this one was in the southeast. Much of the resort had been completely destroyed because a number of buildings had thatched roofs that readily caught fire one after another. One woman my age passed away, and 1700 people had to be evacuated, many of whom lost their possessions and passports. I can't even imagine how horrible that had to be, and I feel terrible for the employees who are now out of jobs, since I assume the resort won't be operational for years. What a nightmare. But it made me think about our resort (thankfully with fewer thatched roofs) and how scary it would be to have that happen while we were there, or how sad I would be if I saw destruction like that happen to ours after the fact. I was worried enough when hurricanes went through there. Also, that it happened right around the same time period we were there was a little unnerving. As you may recall, I was SO nervous about something happening to us while we were gone, and it was hard enough when a woman--also a mom--passed away from a heart attack while we were there. But hearing about the death of another mom in this situation broke my heart and does nothing to alleviate my nerves about doing it again someday.
But oh, was it ever a dream while we were there, and we're definitely overdue on a getaway with just the two of us. Our 23rd anniversary was this past weekend, so I suppose the urge to nurture the relationship again like we did that week two years ago is feeling stronger than usual.
Also a couple weeks ago, I was flipping through photos on my phone and came across our Disney pictures from last summer. They instantly transported me back to that homey feeling we get when we go there, and I felt a little sadness that it's not on the agenda for this summer. There's just something about those trips--stressful though they can be--that brings our whole family a level of joy we just don't get at home. Some of that falls under the "you're only as happy as your saddest child", and that's usually Jacob, who loves Disney maybe more than anyone. So if he's happy, the rest of us are happier. Now, last year's trip was still a bit frustrating because of his shin and how he was limiting his steps so dramatically to give it a true rest (which is not easy when you have to walk somewhere to get food or do much of anything), but looking at the pictures still brought back that mixture of wonder, joy, anticipation, and appreciation that comes from being back at Old Key West in particular. As much as I love the parks, we didn't do those last time and I still loved it. Some of my favorite moments are drinking coffee on the patio and walking through the resort among palm trees, hibiscus blooms, and tiny lizards. We did a lot of that last year, and it was lovely. It's not really feasible to go every year, but that pull seems to be getting stronger, especially as the kids get older and we won't know how our access to the DVC points might evolve in the future.
Here are a few unposted pics from last year's trip:
Arriving at the resort, already sweaty. Next time I will officially be the shortest in the picture, probably by at least a few inches.
This was part of our patio view. We usually look out over the golf course or a pond, and while the pond was visible to my left, this was the first time having such lush, thick vegetation nearby. I was curious what was out there, but the threat of snakes and gators and exotic bugs makes the thought of ever exploring a definite "no".
This is the dock for the boat that goes to Disney Springs. It's such a cool part of this resort.
A pretty little corner of Disney Springs
A giant bird on the Sassagoula River from the boat between Old Key West and Disney Springs
I posted another picture of this fountain at Disney Springs with a better angle to see the Mickey statue, but this one with the colorful flowers more visible was so pretty.
This was from Carter's and my walk around Pop Century. Goofy was fun, and the yo-yo made it even better.
The Pac-Man theme in the 80s section of Pop Century made my inner 80s child so happy!
This ended up being my profile picture for a while after the trip. Once again, a more relaxed version of my usual self! I took this while Carter and I were doing our Coca-Cola tasting sampler.
I'm hoping we can do a bit of adventuring this summer, somewhere. But with a possible Atlanta trip for basketball that may or may not happen (because of Jacob's foot, which apparently still has glass in it) and may or may not include Carter and me, and a pending prep school bill, and Carter's baseball schedule and Jacob's training schedule, doing anything of note might be challenging. We did have a little adventure this weekend, which was fun, but I'm definitely itching for something new, at least in the absence of our comfort vacation (aka Disney). But I guess for now I have to live vicariously through my photos and try to find something that I can get everyone to agree on.
How is it even possible that my first baby is now a real adult? It literally doesn't compute in my brain. I mean, my own age doesn't compute either, so I guess that's not a surprise, but I don't feel so significantly different than the fumbling, hesitant new mom that I was 18 years ago...but clearly I am. We've been through a lot, and while my mothering may never actually end, your childhood technically has.
I feel a bit like I failed to turn you into a proper adult in time. Up until a few months ago, I thought I still had another year. It was a bonus year, so it was already sort of cheating, but now that year has disappeared and we need to send you off in the fall to manage your own life for a while. I'm hoping that miraculously all of things we've been trying to teach you, tell you, or encourage you to do will finally click, and we won't be dealing with incomplete assignments and hoarder tendencies from afar. I promise we're not just nags--these things will be valuable as an adult. I don't want the future love of your life to start out cleaning up after you because she wants to be helpful, only to resent you essentially turning into another one of her kids years later. ADHD stinks, I know, but it's time to start building some skills to manage it.
It's been another up and down year leading up to this point. Another school change, more basketball drama, and still a bunch of health anxiety, despite the meds. Not that it was all bad; we certainly had good moments. You escaped the school that was causing you so much angst and reconnected with some old friends. You broke the BK record for threes in a game and you won another sectional championship. But it definitely feels like academics and the basketball stuff were way more of a struggle than they should have been. For a kid who is so focused on his future and where he wants to go with his career, the lack of focus on any given week's homework assignments is maddening. That won't fly when you're getting your doctorate, dude. I think you will be an amazing physical therapist/athletic trainer someday, but it is a long road and I hope you're prepared for the rigor. You have a pretty clear idea of what you're looking for in a college and know how you want to steer your career. Of course, sometimes I think you're overlooking some important details--like how burdensome student loans can be and how you don't love school work--and that could make the path you're choosing more challenging than you realize, but I truly hope it all works out and you can bring these big plans to fruition, including changing the entire physical therapy world for the better.
Part of me feels like you've been far beyond your years for a while now. Sometimes your wisdom and maturity are shocking. And then you do some ridiculously immature thing--be it torturing your brother or leaving all of your garbage out on the kitchen counter or loudly releasing flatulence at the dinner table--and I'm completely perplexed that all of those personality traits can coexist. I'm still convinced your particular brand of ADHD needs stimulation that only comes through stirring things up--be it playing your music loud to bug other people, unnecessarily leaning on me when we share a couch, moving my chair from under the table, or getting into a debate. And oh, do you love to debate. You have an opinion on pretty much everything, and you will argue it endlessly. It's a little exhausting, and sometimes I'd rather just talk and not have to defend my position, but I guess I admire your passion and confidence.
I still worry a bit about your ability to bloom where you're planted and not go into "grass is greener" mode. You haven't stayed at the same school for more than two years since middle school, and while I understand the reasons, I worry about what that might look like in college, at a job, or even in a marriage. Maybe you're right and it'll all be fine, but even now, when the last four months have been firmly focused on prep school, you're having second thoughts and talking about other options. Sometimes it feels like we're jerked from one extreme to the other, sometimes in a day's time. Today we're going to prep school, tomorrow we're not; one day going to U of R seems perfect, the next day you need something different. There's a line in one of my sentimental favorite movies, "The Cutting Edge", where Doug is arguing with his skating partner who is all over the emotional map, and he says something to her about not being able to downshift that fast, and I think that's our issue. If we don't feel supportive enough in those moments, it's probably because we're putting all of our efforts in one direction, and then suddenly you're swinging us in the other. And then we start questioning if all of the effort is worth it if you're just going to swing another way tomorrow. I suppose as adults we don't have the luxury of that kind of flexibility, so it feels a little foreign to operate like that. We've got your back--we always have and always will--but you have to have a little patience with us as we play catch-up every time something shifts.
On the health front, dare I say it's been a slightly better year? Not that we haven't had more than enough issues, but the anxiety is down a notch, and the issues have been on a smaller scale and slightly fewer and farther between. These days it's mostly the fatigue you get after a routine viral infection, the disproportionate anxiety about getting a viral infection, and a couple other random things like the glass you got in your foot last week or the injury you had in Pittsburgh. It beats the chronic shin issues any day, but I really hope we can get a little more even-keeled before you're two hours from home.
I'm still just in disbelief that we're 18 years removed from that crazy, confusing first day of your life, and probably less surprised than I should be that most days I'm still fumbling through parenthood all these years later. You've taught me more than you can imagine, challenged me in ways I never thought possible, and yet still changed my life for the better in so many ways. I can't get over how much you've grown and changed and evolved into a really interesting, complex, impressive person, even if you still need a lot of guidance here and there (even if you don't think you do). An entire childhood complete. Wow. Happy 18th Birthday, Jacob! Onward to adulthood...
Just meandering through the last bit of the school year now. Jacob has been fully in summer mode for a while, mind you, and Carter will follow starting Wednesday afternoon...lucky ducks. Man, what I wouldn't give for an old school summer vacation! At least Juneteenth gives me one day!
Baseball is in full swing now. It's not going exactly as we'd hoped, as the team has too many players due to absorbing a team without enough players, so it's sort of like modified because Carter's only getting a couple at-bats per game. He is starting, at least, but he usually only plays half the game in the field before the lineup switch. He's making good contact with the ball, but just got a new bat to hopefully get a little more pop. He did get one that rolled to the fence during practice last week, so the power is there. His first game after was rained out (an inning and a half in, ugh), but he did get two nice hits (and player of the game honors) the next game. I caught this picture last week and I can't get over how big he looks. He's so tall and so much more solid.
It's shocking when you compare to this picture from last year at this time, at the same field. That's him next to Jacob, and while the distance may enhance the difference a bit, it's pretty clear that the height has changed and you can tell he just looks bigger and broader. Some of that is puberty, but so much is getting his health under control.
We're coming up on the one-year anniversary of his ulcerative colitis diagnosis, and he's had a tremendously great 9+ months since we got it under control. From what I can tell, that can change at any moment, so I'm grateful for how far he's come and how uneventful this time has been. I have vowed to myself to reach out to the school nurse start the process for a 504 plan, just in case we're not as lucky next year. Truth be told, he does miss a lot of school because he catches every darn cold virus that comes through, so it's probably not a bad idea to see if we can get accommodations for him being immune-compromised, on top of any GI-related symptoms or treatments we need to cover.
Speaking of baseball, last week we went to the Red Wings game because Craig was being honored pregame as the winner of a sports media excellence award from the Rochester Press Radio Club. It's a pretty cool honor, and once upon a time would have been awarded at a fancy dinner with hundreds of other people and some sports celebrity guest speaker. But I think COVID changed that, so apparently it's a night at the ballgame instead! I probably should have run around to the other side, for the presentation, but Craig's parents were with us and I didn't want to leave them or run them ragged!
Getting the award
Picture time with the mascots, owner, and others
They also gave awards to two local Olympians (one who was there, one whose family accepted the award) as well as the woman that has run our town's Little League organization for decades. We got a buffet picnic dinner and free tickets. It was nice to have his parents there, and my cousin and her husband were coincidentally there, and I also got to see our friend and former co-worker who got me connected at my current job, who is apparently now part of the Press Radio Club herself!
It was a nice night--the clouds were definitely rolling in, but you can see from the building reflection that the sunset was nice somewhere behind us!
Actually got the boys to smile for me!
That cloud rolling in was holding a heck of a thunderstorm. We headed out just in time, getting to the cars as the raindrops started. The drive home was rather un-fun, but at least we were dry!
Craig's parents stayed until the rain passed, so we got a few pictures.
This is from the program they handed out.
On Wednesday, we sent Carter off to school and the rest of us hopped in the car to drive to Elmira to get the lay of the land a bit at Jacob's new school. We visited a gym in town where he could train and found a gluten-free breakfast place. We went to the school and met with the guidance counselor to talk through a few class and curriculum things, then met the varsity basketball coach (who is not his coach) and the athletic director. We got another brief tour of the dorms, and Jacob put up some shots in the gym.
It was set up for exams. There's a second tier of seating above the bleachers.
One of his first shots got stuck, and of course that would happen when he only had one ball! He jumped up a bunch of times to try to dislodge it, but when it wedged higher, he eventually used his shoe.
This is his dorm from outside. We were standing in front of the school, so he'll have a quick commute.
Last week ended up so busy that I was barely able to take my daily walks. Thursday was Carter's last chorus concert. He's decided to not participate in chorus next year, though viola survives for another year, at least. It's a little bittersweet, especially because these concerts are typically pretty good, courtesy of including the jazz band and show choir performances, which are both audition-based groups.
Here's one song from Wicked. He's in the middle, second row from the top, next to a taller black kid in a gray shirt:
And another song that's pretty instantly recognizable (sorry for the seasick camerawork--this was on my real camera, and I didn't really set myself up to have supported arms or good thumb placement for the buttons, so I was adjusting a lot and zooming in always makes movement more obvious):
Proud of him for getting through four years of chorus when it would have been easy enough for it to be uncool. Luckily he had a couple friends that stayed in over the years, which probably helped. But I think it will be a good opportunity for him to be able to take other electives down the road, hopefully something he will enjoy more. And if there was a bargaining chip to keep him playing viola, it was probably letting him discontinue this!
Craig and Jacob left on last Friday for his first opportunity to play with (part of) his school basketball team. They were in Allentown, PA for the weekend. Unfortunately, Jacob accidentally got glass embedded in his foot the day before they left. He broke a glass door panel in our hand-me-down coffee table in the basement a couple weeks ago. We cleaned it up that night, but when he went to move the table Thursday to dribble his basketball (same thing that caused the break), there was glass hiding underneath. He initially got checked and had a piece taken out, but still felt like there was more, so he went to another place, which didn't find anything else. That made for a late night before the trip, and then he had to figure out how to play with it. He didn't score a lot, but I think it was a good experience as a whole. We're just hoping he can get a bit more consistent. It was still bothering him this week, so he went to one of his usual ortho doctors, who found another piece stuck in there that he'll have to have surgically removed. It will be minor and the recovery should be quick, but we'll see how that will impact the trips we have coming up (Allentown again and Atlanta).
They stopped at a baseball game in Reading, PA on their way back, which meant another late night Sunday--especially because there were CRAZY storms coming through--but they did get me a cool shirt perfect for Oktoberfest time, or just embracing my German heritage.
Handsome guys!
We also battled the same storm a bit. Carter and I were at his baseball game Sunday morning, which was a little cooler than I'd like for June and had a couple drizzles, but the weather improved a bit by the end. Then we headed to Pittsford to get his phone fixed again--the screen was replaced the previous week but some connection was loose after that because his speaker was funky. While we were waiting, we got some lunch across the parking lot--his first time at The Cheesecake Factory! We stopped at Trader Joe's after and rushed through in about five minutes because the approaching storm cloud clearly meant business! We got hit with the first few big raindrops before spending 20 minutes in the car simply waiting for it to let up enough to drive. At least we had good snacks to keep us occupied! But there was some notable flooding before we got on the highway. I hated to think of Craig having to drive through that after a very long day.
Otherwise, the yard is getting up and running for the year. Here's a quick rundown of some of the fun so far. After a crazy rain a couple weeks ago, I noticed some little objects in our way back in piles of mown grass which I thought might be animal poop...but no, tiny snails! Zoom in to see the antennae!
I was a little bummed I didn't get any showstopping columbines this year, but these were still super pretty!
I am mildly obsessed with the gazanias I bought for some of my planters.
There's still another orange/red one I haven't gotten a picture of. They're so stunning!
Speaking of stunning, our unchecked rhododendrons continue to dazzle. I laugh at some of my first pictures after we moved here. They've probably tripled in size. Oops...happy accident!
For reference....a picture I took in 2010, our first spring here. The window you see in this picture is completely covered now, probably not even halfway up the purple one in the pic above. It's crazy, right?
Fungus season is officially starting, as I noticed a lot of dead tree leaves after a windy day the other day, and the first sections of my bloody cranesbill are about at the point where I need to start pulling them so they can start over, rather than looking leggy and brown. My sad, almost dead azalea has come back nicely with some growth, but I'm keeping an eye on some white spots. And finally, the pool got warm enough to swim in last weekend before a cool stretch, but it's been stuck on green for a bit. But my swim (with the purpose of cleaning it) was shockingly nice.
So, another big weekend (and milestone!) is coming up and then we're fully on to summer...
Sorry I've been a little extra quiet lately. I feel like it's a combination of life, the end of the school year, a month of being extra dedicated to my nightly walks, and whatever this supposedly non-ADHD executive dysfunction is doing to my brain that makes me hesitant to start projects. I feel like I need to do a lot of brainless decompressing lately, and by the time I do that, it's pretty much bedtime. And it's honestly been hard to write during my lunches like I used to, too, for the same reasons.
June is upon us, and Jacob is now done with school for the year. Bishop Kearney always gets out early because they don't do Regents, so I now have at least one in-house companion on my work from home days for the rest of the summer. Once they're both done, I will enjoy sleeping a little later, not packing lunches, and not rushing out the door, but this comes with its own set of annoyances, for sure. Hard to believe this may be the last one of these pictures I take of Jacob, as he will likely have to take his own next year. End of an era, regardless.
Pardon the porch ceiling. I think I finally have a solution--working on it!
Speaking of which, I have a LOT of feelings about Jacob's school situation. For starters, it's been a very strange spring. All of the kids his same age that I've watched grow up over the years (most through social media, but some school friends) have been doing all of their lasts--prom, last sports things, signing day and college announcements, and finally graduation. Jacob's school teammates graduated last weekend, and one by one, other friends' kids are finishing up. It's just hard to know that it would have been us without him reclassifying, and not only aren't we getting those things now, we likely won't exactly have a front-row view if those things happen in the future since he'll be living a couple hours away. Obviously we will be there in some form, but we'll miss the typical build-up and everything will involve four hours of driving if we want to see it all in person. Not only that, but more than likely we've got two years of this school, so it probably won't happen next year, either. Yeah, it would be sort of a post-grad year, but essentially he'll be in 11th grade again next year for bookkeeping purposes. Don't get me started. All of this should get him some college attention, so hopefully it's all for good reason, but I am struggling with it.
In case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm very by-the-book on things. I like completeness, and the fact that Jacob has changed schools so many times makes me absolutely crazy. I mean, you're talking to a girl who was a foreign language major for three semesters of college and switched partially because she didn't want to miss a semester on campus to study abroad. I know that's ridiculous, because clearly it would have been the experience of a lifetime in return, but it's sort of a FOMO thing that spawns from feeling left out or on the fringes for most of my life. What if everyone changes without me?! But essentially that's the same brain that needs to process all of Jacob's detours, and it's....a lot. I guess as long as it doesn't phase HIM, that's fine, but I do worry about the effect it's had on his ability to make and maintain friendships. He's very much a grass-is-greener, on-to-the-next sort of kid, and there probably aren't many friendships he's maintained. He generally makes friends fine where he's at, although to some degree I feel like the competition he's so accustomed to in sports probably affects that too, in some way. I'm not sure what that will mean for his future relationships, but sometimes just keeping your kid sane has to take priority, and unfortunately in this case, that's meant a lot of shifts. And now that will likely leave him two years behind his peers in getting out into the real world, although we're hoping he'll be able to take enough college classes while he's there that he can cut a little time off of actual college. But the left behind feeling is real, even in my position, which I know--that's my problem, not his.
I keep telling myself that in an alternate reality we'd be sending him off to college in the fall anyway, so this really isn't a big deal. But it sort of is, as this is a different sort of setup than being one of hundreds or thousands of freshmen doing the same thing for the first time. Instead, he'll be one of maybe a dozen kids tackling the prep school world, and at a new prep school at that, so it's not entirely clear how the support system will hold up. I still have lots of worries about him and his environment, with very little room for error. Will he be able to motivate himself to do his school work? Will he be responsible enough to do his laundry regularly and clean his room so he's not the stinky kid? Will the food situation be okay? I mean, he's pretty particular about how I prepare his food, let alone some chef who is simultaneously preparing multiple foods in the same kitchen. Will the basketball situation turn out okay? What if it all just doesn't work? There's a fine line between pushing through and taking a serious psychological risk, and I just don't know how to know the difference. I also don't know what the alternative is, even though I've said over and over that we need to have a plan B in mind. The fall is going to be pretty overwhelming, clearly. I have a million mom-of-a-big-kid fears cropping up, and some days I'm not sure I'm built for this stage. Also, driving is coming and I am terrified.
But anyway, it's been somewhat weird and bittersweet watching his peers go through all of the senior year things and not be experiencing those things ourselves, and possibly never in the way we expected. I can only hold out hope for Carter, I guess. But for someone like me who is endlessly sentimental and gets all into nostalgia (two weeks ago was the 30th anniversary of my prom!), it's hard for me to not see him doing things a bit more traditionally and making the same kinds of memories I did. Again, he will likely be fine with it, but when you're young, you don't know what you don't know, and maybe someday he'll have kids and wish he'd done some of these things.
So, in the meantime, we start his summer break and need to mine the college packing lists...without it being for college. We're probably going to visit the school again this week (still not sure if I'm going or not) to get a better lay of the land and hopefully work out a couple things, but it's going to be an interesting couple months.
Carter still has 2-1/2 more weeks of school, so I guess we'll ease into full summer mode for now. At least he went to Seabreeze one day this week. He also had a couple sick days at home early in the week from what appears to be the mildest case of COVID ever--the line on multiple tests was so faint. Enough to make Jacob crazy, of course, but very faint. We're not sure if maybe he had it when we were in Cincinnati and we only caught the tail-end of whatever his immune-compromised body was holding on to, or if this was additional to that cold. He never had a fever or fatigue in either case, but Jacob insisted we test him when he got a little cough last Saturday. A week later and we're still not sure, because today's test had a super faint control line, so even if there was a faint positive test line, we'd probably never have seen it. But I'd have to think he's clear now, as he doesn't even have symptoms. So that was fun, as is Jacob is obsessively testing himself. Ugh. Anyway, Carter has one full week (including a concert), one four-day week (Juneteenth), and a 2-1/2 day week before he's free.
On the sports front, baseball is starting back up and Jacob is in the midst of a couple week break from travel. He'll be going to Allentown a couple times this month to play with his new school team, before potentially going to Atlanta in July. He's not sure he wants to make that trip for a few reasons, but we shall see. I think Carter and I might go on the second Allentown one, in hopes of making it to Hersheypark. But we also have Carter's games, so we'll have to see what he's willing to give up for a good amusement park! It seems Carter will play more with this team, but they also have too many kids because some kids are playing up and then they absorbed a few kids from another team that couldn't get enough, so even though it seems like he'll be a starter, he still may not get more than a couple at-bats most games. Is that worth staying for? Maybe. We'll see what he chooses to do.
So, the end of the school year will be here before we know it, and we have a few things to keep us occupied in the meantime. Hopefully I will have more to write about soon...
