The School Saga

I had really hoped we wouldn't have to go through this process again...but I suppose deep down I should have known.  Jacob is changing schools.  Again.

As I mentioned previously, he got sick a couple weeks ago and it coincided with a teammate coming to practice sick.  Even though what Jacob had was different, it seemed to trigger some anxiety that goes back to last school year when one of his teammates kept coming to practice sick and then Jacob got the flu.  He's been very sensitive to catching an illness for the last couple years because he feels like anything he gets could set back his recovery of his leg issues.  That just seemed to start a domino effect of all of his grievances with the school, from his disruptive and direction-less classmates, to the constant merry-go-round of teachers, to losing two faculty to jail sentences, to drug use and violence in the school, to lazy and disrespectful teammates.  He sees stupidity and instinctively wants to fix it, and is eaten alive by the injustice that comes with broken rules with no consequences or moving goalposts.  That's just not good for his mental health, and after complaining about it for the better part of a year, he just couldn't take it anymore.  And knowing that the educational experience is nowhere near what any of us want it to be, it just didn't make sense to keep pushing it.  The school tried to work with us, but nothing was ever the same after his basketball coach (who did hold the team to high standards) left.  At that point, I'm not sure there's any way they could control things enough to right the ship.  

The good news, if you can call it that, is that this was a legit mental health issue, as verified by his therapist, which meant that he could be eligible for a mental health waiver.  That's one of the very few ways that he could transfer yet again and still play basketball, despite Section V's ridiculously strict rules.  We could have moved, but we definitely couldn't afford that, and even then there's usually some lead time on that.  There was the apartment idea we talked about a lot last year, renting an apartment in another district (which would also technically involve a legal separation (!) to illustrate why the new address was needed) and somehow juggling living there, maybe with one parent at a time.  That would have been a mess.  But we needed to find a way to get him in a better place, as there was no doubt in our minds that his mental health was struggling.  We were armed with lots of examples, and his therapist was able to validate what issues they had talked about in sessions.  So the waiver it was.

After being out sick for three days the first full week of school with stomach problems, last week he ended up staying home so he could start browsing other school options--tours, meeting with admissions, etc.  He was still refusing to even consider our district schools, so it looked like we'd have to go private.  

The first front-runner was McQuaid, the rather expensive all-boys Catholic school.  The upsides of that one were great academics, close to my office, and a late start time.  The downside was that they just had some transfers come in that would risk Jacob not being able to start on the basketball team.  It was also the most expensive option.  He really liked his tour, and for a while that was the front runner, until we found out about the basketball situation.

I sometimes say that Craig is too good of a dad, as he will often try to move heaven and earth to help out his kids, even to his own detriment.  When there were doubts about McQuaid, he started looking into the possibility of Jacob moving to Buffalo, staying with family, and going to his former high school, St. Francis.  There's a long family history there, and their basketball program could really use him.  Section VI doesn't have many rules about transfers, especially out of area, so he'd be fine to play.  The academics would be great, and he liked the facilities.  He also liked the idea of being a "legacy" there, as our name is very well-known in the school and town.  Of course, there's just one problem--we don't live in Buffalo and we have jobs that don't let us move there.  So that would mean he'd have to move there alone and stay with family.  That felt nearly impossible to me because Jacob is super high maintenance, needs a special diet, and tends to be rather attached to us.  He hasn't really proven he can be independent and we spend half of our spare time now talking him down from whatever's on his mind.  So how on earth could we do that from a distance or expect someone else to handle all of that in our absence?  We could try to go up weekly to maybe spend a day up there working remotely and then bring him home for the weekend.  But that would be exhausting, and I feel like we'd be spending our evenings on FaceTime most of the time--if not for a problem, then for him to remain connected to what's happening here when he's inevitably homesick.  We'd be on the Thruway multiple times a week, especially in-season for games.  In my mind, managing all of his things from afar (or needing to trust other people) seemed overwhelming.  Not to mention that he can be a bit fickle and the slightest thing can set him off, so what happens when we go through all of this craziness and find out he doesn't like it and wants to come home?  It just seemed like a giant risk for a kid who's already an established school-hopper.  But he really liked the tour and how he was treated there, so that leapfrogged McQuaid in his mind even though we were insisting it was a last resort.

Now, some people (including Jacob) would probably be like, "Well, he could have been leaving for college a year from now anyway if he didn't reclassify, so what's one year?  What will you do when he actually goes away?"  Well, for one, he DID reclassify and we have two more years, which is a lot of time to mature.  Since he never cleans up his dishes or garbage or laundry, and rarely wants to make his own food, how the heck am I supposed to trust he'd do it elsewhere, in someone else's house?  Second, college is a whole different ballgame because everyone's in the same boat and there's so much built-in structure.  They're all experiencing that for the first time, and there's an entire support system to guide them, including RAs, a dining hall, and the shared experience of a whole group of kids figuring things out together (aka positive peer pressure and crowdsourcing).  This would be very different because there would only be a handful of people in his situation, and even then it's so different for everyone.  Also, at college, the expectation is that you stay at school nearly every weekend.  It's the best way to integrate into a community and experience the fun side of college.  But with this situation, it feels like not bringing him home would be an abandonment of our responsibilities and an added burden on others.  But six hours on the Thruway each weekend?  Ugh.

So, obviously I had a million doubts right off the bat, and while it was Craig's idea in the first place, he was slowly realizing how complicated it might get, even for basic things like doctor's appointments or his beloved trainer.  So then we started considering Aquinas, one of the schools he considered way back before middle school, and then again when he was struggling earlier this year.  He liked the prospect of where their basketball team stood and knew the coach was interested in him.  It was a good school, convenient enough to home, and seemed like a solid option.  But then he went to a fall league game and watched them play, only to find out their coach was an absolute screaming psychopath during games.  Jacob's travel coach, James, confirmed Jacob wouldn't be able to play for him because of that, and that's likely why they've lost a number of good kids in recent years.  So that option went out the window almost as quickly as it came in.

After his St. Francis tour last Tuesday, we ended up meeting with his current principal to share the news he wanted to leave.  We had to get that ball rolling to even have a chance at making some of the schools' enrollment deadlines, as they would have to sign off.  The principal was very understanding, and even handed over a withdrawal form right then.  We also ran into his basketball coach on our way out and broke the news to him.  That was pretty sad and we felt bad given all the history, but then again, there were so many reasons we felt we had to do this.  

Once the Aquinas idea lost steam, McQuaid came back in the running, especially after his tour of their amazing facilities, but then he started talking more and more about St. Francis again.  He just wasn't sure about McQuaid because of the basketball situation (and admittedly, the tuition was a little more than we'd prefer), so he began dissing the other options and really pushing St. Francis hard.  I was still firmly protesting the entire idea until we were sure that Section V was not an option.  His preference for the away-from-home option obviously frustrated me because it was clear he didn't realize how difficult that would be for all of us.  Maybe to some degree it felt like he doesn't value the extreme amount of effort we put into his existence each day, but it was annoying that no amount of real-life examples of why it might be a problem seemed to be sinking in.  For example, it would be harder to get him to his doctor appointments, his therapist, or his trainer.  He wouldn't have as much control of his eating, and we'd have to trust someone else to shop for him and cook for him.  He'd probably end up feeling isolated from our family and miss being here (since having to be at school long into the evenings during the season alone can do that).  He'd put a lot of pressure on us to do all of those drives and be available to him in the evenings.  He simply wasn't listening to very common sense challenges we'd face, and seemed to be vastly underestimating how much he'd need us (based on how much he needs us now).  We are essentially at his beckon call, and I don't think he realizes how frustrating it might be to not have that same flexibility anymore.  It killed us that Craig had spent most of his week trying to find options and getting approvals, and now Jacob seemed hellbent on making St. Francis happen even though it was the hardest, most complicated option on our list.  Fortunately, Craig's parents were OK to take him in for now, and his brother was also on board once they got their own place when Craig's parents' new house is done.  I still feel like it's not anyone else's responsibility, even though his brother and his wife are missing having any of their kids at home and would probably welcome something to fill that hole.  Even still, it felt like a whole lot of unknowns and it still didn't sit entirely right with me.  

Then, out of the blue, Bishop Kearney entered the chat.  He had previously said no, but desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess.  BK was the school he went to for middle school, and he did like it back then.  He only had to switch schools because he reclassified and couldn't redo 8th grade there.  But he still has a couple friends there and his favorite administrator is still there, too.  His travel coach also verified that the basketball situation would probably be a good one for him.  We had a very quick turnaround in talking to someone and getting him in for a tour and making tentative arrangements for enrollment.  He also talked to the coach, and suddenly that became the front-runner.

However, although he seemed enthusiastic to begin with, he backslid back into the St. Francis talk, which was pretty much infuriating at this point.  We (or really Craig) have been trying so hard to make something work locally, and here Jacob was dismissing it again and putting us in a position of him potentially stonewalling all of these efforts and insisting we let him move.  I just don't think he gets how much pressure and burden that puts on everyone around him.  Sigh.

Of course, all of this could have been a moot point because Section V still had to approve things.  There's a plethora of evidence that this move is important to his well-being, but it's not just about whether he can transfer--he can--but rather whether he can transfer AND play.  And that's important to his mental state as well.  Of course, the woman who had to approve everything was on vacation Friday, which meant we wouldn't get a ruling until at least Monday.  Tuesday was the last day Jacob could enroll at St. Francis, so if everything fell apart, we had a VERY short window to get a LOT of things figured out.  We were being told that as long as all of the paperwork was in, it shouldn't be an issue, but we know how that process can go.

Jacob enrolled over the weekend and went to Bishop Kearney on Monday.  He did his first official day of school and...he didn't love it.  Part of me thinks that it's because he was pushing so hard for St. Francis that he wasn't giving this a fair shot.  As I've said before, he's a "grass is greener" person, and I think he was discounting BK because he wanted to assume he'd be one-and-done there and be off to Buffalo.  He started bringing up every excuse in the book about why he hated BK, ranging from not liking his female tour guide and it being the only school to not give him swag, to not liking the new casual uniform dress code because he wanted to wear a blazer (like McQuaid), to his annoyance with the teacher he needed to get his Chromebook from.  He even said he didn't like BK when he went there before, which is absolute crap.  Yes, he had one bad situation with the modified basketball team and how Jacob and a few friends were promised to go up to JV, but that changed the day before the season.  They did bring everyone up late in the season, but I think by then we knew Jacob needed his eligibility to transfer and reclassify, so we kept him down.  That situation worked to his advantage since he got to play Varsity at Northstar and win a sectional title, but at the time it definitely wasn't handled well.  But that was an exception to an otherwise good experience.  Yes, there were a couple issues, but for the most part we felt he liked it--he made his best friendships there, liked the class structure, and seemed to fit in well.  But in the years since, his views have gotten a bit more conservative, and something like pride flags in a couple classrooms--despite it being a Catholic school--gets under his skin.  He basically said he never consented to go there and was mad that he was stuck there now unless he didn't get approved to play.

Speaking of which, we didn't get an answer Monday like we thought.  Then we were supposed to hear Tuesday morning, but that didn't happen either.  At that point, Craig had to tentatively enroll Jacob at St. Francis, just in case, so that he didn't miss the winter sports deadline there.  By this point, Jacob--who was actually home sick on BK day #2 with the cold we both caught--was actively cheering for Section V to say no so he could go to St. Francis, and we were getting pretty annoyed.  We were told we'd get an answer first thing Wednesday, but right before dinner Tuesday, we got the text that he'd been approved.  Obviously we were relieved, but that started a long few hours of him being upset and complaining incessantly about BK.  Craig and I were so annoyed that we went out for a walk to decompress, only to have him call us while we were walking and start up another debate.  

I was close to the point of just being like, fine, let's let him find out the hard way.  But I can't overstate how risky it feels to go into a situation like that, with so many unknowns, but needing to try to stick with it for two whole years.  There's a million reasons why I wish we could just move there and make it easy, but there's also a million reasons why that's nearly impossible.  Is it just too much to ask for him to find the bright side of this new situation and make the best of it?  He's away from the insanity at his old school, and the basketball almost HAS to be better.  The coach is so excited to have him and I have to think the culture and skill level will be up at least a few notches.  No, it's not his ideal situation he thought he'd have at St. Francis, but also, he has a massive safety net still being here with us, which should provide comfort and security equal to whatever benefit St. Francis would have provided.  I think he also might have had high hopes for exploring his independence, which I agree could have been good, but maybe not at the expense of others' time and energy.  He tends to be pretty high maintenance, and I don't see that ending anytime soon.  As much as the people caring for him love him, it would be asking a lot to care for him.  Also, there were so many areas in which that plan could fail--issues with the living situation, school, basketball team, or the distance--so it would be a big risk.  We just don't have a good track record of him staying at a school for long, nor has he proven his ability to be independent either practically or emotionally.  This would have taken just a bit too big of a leap of faith, you know?

So, here we are.  He missed day #3 because of his cold, and is still complaining quite a bit about the whole situation.  We keep reminding him that he literally had one day at school, so he can't really judge the whole experience by that.  He says that he was always comfortable on his first days at other schools, but most of us recognize that first days are usually so awkward, so he was probably lucky before and will undoubtedly settle in over time--particularly once basketball gets going.

I'll be honest, I feel a little bit like a failed parent at this point.  He has gone to four schools in five years, and still no sign of being content.  We've spent a lot of time lately speculating on how we could have done things better, but truthfully, we made the best decisions we could at the time--even if we knew they had risks.  RACS was definitely the riskiest, and sure enough, that situation played out pretty similarly to how I thought it could, although it probably took longer than I would have guessed.  We're trying to err on the side of what we know because the alternative was just too much right now.  It's a weird (but potentially wonderful) full circle moment going back there, and I truly hope he settles in and loves it again.  

Jacob has proven yet again that there is literally never a dull moment with him, but let's hope this one sticks.

An Ever Better Weekend

Before I get to the drama that's been shaping our last week and a half, I had a busy weekend to get through myself.  It was Meliora Weekend, meaning that I had some long and tiring (but fun) days of work.  This was an exciting one since we were launching our big fundraising campaign that's going to shape the next five years of my job, and set up the university's future.  

In a job that has been nearly non-stop busy for years and tends to be a little uninspiring at times, Meliora Weekend--despite the inevitable exhaustion--is one time where it all comes together and feels like all of our efforts are worth it.  We see happy people attending--alumni, parents, and students--and see the campus come alive.  There's a ferris wheel and food trucks and streamers, special events, inspiring speakers, and reunions that make everyone feel like a kid again.  It's lovely to talk to people and hear their stories.  Those conversations can be so enjoyable that it makes me get over my perpetual fear of a golf cart shift, just because it's the best spot to better people's weekends.  This year was especially lovely because the weather was as nice as it's ever been--no rain, pleasant temperatures, plenty of sun.  It made the campus look beautiful, and I wanted to share some of that here because it absolutely made my weekend.

Because the big launch for all of our top donors was on Thursday, I figured I'd volunteer for a golf cart shift that night to be around all of the excitement.  I rarely work Thursdays since they're less busy, but this felt worth it.  I got there extra early since parking can be crazy and I wanted to make sure I could pick up my golf cart and  walkie talkie and make it to the pre-meeting as well.  I ended up having a lot of extra time, though, so I sat on the porch of the student union and took it all in.   

Once my shift started, it was literally the most beautiful evening on campus.

I happened to be stuck waiting in a parking lot facing west as the sun set, and it was so pretty and peaceful.

The campus is always picture perfect.  My favorite view is always from the far end of the quad, especially when the Meliora letters are out.  

I didn't realize until dark that the library now has colored LEDs!  I've only ever seen it in white.  

The big event on campus looked amazing from the outside.

That was a fun night driving around very special donors and getting little peeks at the event.  It was so warm that I didn't even need a jacket.  And the apple pie parfait I snagged from the dessert table was fantastic!  I did have a challenge once it got dark because my golf cart didn't have headlights, and when I went to trade it out I realized the only ones left that did were either giant six-seaters or they only had one passenger seat.  Not ideal in either situation, but I sucked it up and learned how to drive the six-seater.  Not easy, but lots of five-point turns later, I felt a bit better about it.  And thank goodness, because I ended up with one again on Saturday.

I spent all day Friday at Eastman selling sweatshirts.  Around 10am I got a message from my high school friend Josh, the one that I caught up with a year ago, who I knew was coming in for his reunion.  He was just down the block at the coffee shop, so I ran down there for a bit.  I got to meet his wife finally, as well as another friend of theirs.  It was a fun getting to know her and catching up a bit before they had to get going and I had to get back to work.  It was a long day stationed at the same table, but also a successful one as we sold close to 70 sweatshirts, which beat last year!  I was tempted to go back to the main campus for the big event that night, but I was beat and all talked out.  As much as I love to be in the middle of the fun and energy of the weekend, I knew I needed a break.

Luckily my early Saturday shift back at Eastman wasn't needed, but my first actual one ended up being more of a rush than I expected because parking was crazy and I got shut out of the lot I usually park in.  I fully expected to be way out at the far end (probably a half mile walk as it was), but there wasn't a spot to be found.  That meant I had to go to the other end of campus and park in another far lot there.  By the time I got to where I needed to be and checked out my lunch options, I had about 15 minutes to get some food and eat it before my shift.  I worked a couple hours at a table, once again selling sweatshirts and once again seeing Josh, this time only for a couple minutes.  Then it was back out for another golf cart shift.  Campus was once again looking beautiful!

That shift was a little less successful with the giant golf cart--I got hung up on a rock once and posts (the kind that keep bigger vehicles off sidewalks) twice.  But I met some lovely people and made a few people's days much more pleasant--like the guy who could barely walk and was parked in the farthest parking spot in that one lot.  My ride there was a huge help for him.  There was also a woman who was bringing the photo booth for a reunion dinner (my friend's, actually, I believe) and the van she was in didn't have a cart to lug all of the equipment there.  So I spent the last 20 minutes of my shift helping her load everything on my golf cart and driving her a couple minutes over to the building where she needed to unload.

I hated to leave when I did--I really wanted to ride the ferris wheel and take in the beautiful day a bit longer--but I had to pick up dinner that I had optimistically ordered for 6pm.  Unfortunately, I had an extra long walk to my car and a 20+ minute drive.  I ended up snapping a few shots of the gorgeous flowers on campus as I walked.  I'm pretty sure this zinnia had the most petals I've ever seen on a zinnia.

This one had fewer petals but was the most perfect shape.

This planter of what I believe are New Guinea impatiens was huge, and I loved the faded pinks.

Another gorgeous zinnia...

I have loved lantana since my mom won a lantana tree many years ago at a golf tournament.  There were giant mounds of it around the campus, but this little batch was so pretty!

After that it was back to my car and off to Avon to get our gluten-free pizza and donuts, and then back home for a night with the family.  I was super tired by the time I got home, but it was a true feel-good weekend seeing all the fruits of the work we do every day. 

Of course, after three active, long days, I was especially exhausted on Sunday.  I still managed to be relatively productive around the house, but didn't quite get to my fall decor that I was hoping to put out.  And Monday was Carter's infusion, and then a cold creeped in during the day, so I'm feeling pretty cruddy today.  And Jacob seemed to catch the cold (probably from Carter) as well, so he's home today.  Not to mention we still have the drama happening (next post, I promise) and it was supposed to be resolved yesterday, so needless to say it's been a distracted, mostly unproductive first part of the week.  Good thing I soaked in all the sun and fun over the weekend...

More Fun on the Fringe

It has been A. WEEK.  I'll get into why in future posts, but let's rewind to last Tuesday first.  It was Fringe Festival season again, and once again there was a funky immersive art piece, much like last year.  I wanted to get Carter there, but prior to getting his UC symptoms under control, I wasn't sure it was going to work.  Thankfully, the steroids and his first infusion seemed to be working, and not only was he feeling 100% better, but he was finally starting to integrate dairy back into his diet, making everything feel a heck of a lot easier.  Once I was confident that he'd be okay to go, I starting trying to find a night to take him.

Tuesday ended up being the day because it was the first night of high school fall league basketball, so Craig and Jacob were occupied with that (no, he wasn't playing, but he wanted to go see a couple games).  So Carter and I grabbed some dinner at Wendy's (an actual cheeseburger for him!), and headed into the city.  As usual, walking past the Eastman School of Music meant a lingering glance up at this beauty...

The Spiegelgarden has been one of my favorite "city things" from the first time we went to the Fringe Festival when Carter was just a baby.  It was this peaceful, colorful, fun oasis in the middle of the city.  It seemed to make city life (especially in Rochester where it's sometimes lacking) come to life.  This year was no exception.

We did a quick browse of the food trucks before heading to our main event, because despite eating a full meal, Carter was still hoping for a snack!  We checked the menus and then headed over to what we came to see, Submergence.  It's a light installation that combines strung up lights with sound to create an immersive experience.  We were handed headphones, and that made it "silent disco style" where everyone was hearing the same thing but it wasn't out loud.  The sounds could best be described as meditative.  Not really music, but soothing sounds with a bit of a musical structure.  The lights synced up to the sounds.  So, for example, the first part of the show used sporadic white lights that looked like rain drops falling, and the sounds were like melodic "plinks".  It would cycle through a number of different colors and patterns, fading on and off, twinkling, and changing colors.  You could walk through, lay or sit, or watch from the side.  

My favorite was when they went into full rainbow colors.

It was such a fun feast for the eyes to be in the middle of it, and the sounds really brought it to life and immersed you in the experience.

Selfies were fun because of how the colors lit up faces.

This is my profile picture right now.  It cracked me up because it looked so otherworldly.

For a while I sat off to the side and watched the whole display.

But eventually curiosity got the best of me.  I had to lay down!  And it was worth it!

Different angles provided different views.  These angles where there was a clear "channel" between them made for some interesting shots.

Carter came in from the sidelines after I stopped laying down (he thought I was nuts, like any good middle schooler would), and we had to get another selfie!

And how handsome is this kid?

We got a bit silly by the end--I willingly took this shot despite the photobomb of Carter's bunny ears.

We also made some funny faces, but one was not flattering and the other Carter made me promise not to post!  After a few times through the show, Carter was ready to go, so I took a few last shots and we headed back to the food trucks.

Here are some videos to give you a better idea--minus the sound.  Anything you hear was the show in the Spiegeltent next door.

Carter picked a chimichurri steak kabob for his "snack", and I guess I was just happy to be out with him so I allowed it.  He loved it.

He ate part of it and wrapped the rest up, then we took one last selfie before heading out.

What a lovely night it was on the Fringe!

We stopped at Java's down the street on our way to the car to see if they had rice krispie treats, and they did, so we both got one.  That made up for not having it the prior week when I was there.  We headed back to the car, and that's when things went a bit sideways.  For some reason my key fob would not work.  It was like something was jamming the signal.  It wasn't dead because the little light when you press the buttons would light up, but the car just wasn't getting it.  I had no choice but to figure out how to pop out the hidden real key, but when I finally opened the door, the alarm started going off.  And what's worse, it wouldn't stop even when I tried to press buttons or start the car!  It took a solid minute of it going off for the car to give me a message to bring the fob near the start button.  Somehow that seemed to reset things, and the alarm stopped and the car started.  Whew.  That was so incredibly weird.  And as awful and confusing as it was in the moment, I was actually thankful it happened later because I had to go back to Eastman for work on Friday and it happened again!  I was unloading sweatshirts at the time and felt a little short on time to get everything transferred and set up, so had that been the first time it happened, I would have freaked out.  At least this time when it happened, I knew what to do, so I was able to shut off the alarm quickly.  Before I did my second load of sweatshirts, I ended up moving my car to another spot in the ramp where I know the keyless entry had worked the prior week, and it was fine after that.  So weird, though!

We had one other minor incident on the way home where someone almost changed lanes into us on the highway and I had to swerve, but thankfully I kept the car under control and we avoided it.  But it was scary and brought back a little PTSD, especially as we approach the anniversary of my last accident, but thankfully we were okay.  Seriously, though--why do people do that to me so much?  Two of my accidents were from swervers.

Anyway, other than those two things, it was a really fun night and it was nice to get back to an adventure with my buddy.  I had a busy second half of the week and sort of just wanted to get on with it, but that night made me super happy in the midst of some other drama that I'll get into soon!

The Big Update

So...I have been trying to get through this post for like two weeks and it's been a struggle of time and mental energy.  Where did I leave off?  We had my birthday and a lovely day on Labor Day, and then it was back to the grind with a whole lot of unknowns for the week.  School was starting, but Jacob didn't even really have his schedule and Carter was still not doing well.  I guess I'll share a bit of a photo catch-up before getting into the long story of the week.  On the last day of break (for Carter), I was working from home and he was apparently trying (but failing) to have his stuffed animals crash my work calls.  At one point I looked in the monitor reflection and saw Figment with this funny head tilt, like he was trying to photobomb my camera with a fierce pose (it reminds me of a posing Miss Piggy, actually!).  It made me laugh!

Remember when I was talking about Jacob's room redo?  That Tuesday night was when we did the bulk of the rearranging, and when we moved his dresser (which has been in the same spot since he got it, probably close to 10 years ago), we saw this:

Yeah, that deodorant was miraculously stuck to the wall.  I'm still not entirely sure how, but I think it was a combination of getting stuck between the dresser, the wall, and the faceplate, and the deodorant somehow melting just enough to leak out of the cap and adhere it to the wall.  It came off easily, but it stayed there until we grabbed it.  I couldn't stop laughing and I think it's pretty much the perfect metaphor for Jacob's room mess.

Outside, my plants are fading but still doing their thing.  The colors of the fading hydrangeas are lovely in a different way.
 

The zinnias that nearly died when we were in Florida made a great comeback.  

Carter's first day of school was Wednesday.  We did take his first day picture, but he ended up not actually going that day.  He'd been struggling so much with nausea and urgency, and it just seemed impossible to go that day.  He tried, he really did.  The nausea just didn't want to pass.  He finally started to feel a little better around mid-morning but obviously it would have felt weird to go in then, and of course the urgency still would have been an issue.

I felt so bad for him.  We thought we had figured out the nausea by eating crackers first thing, but there were days where it still snuck through.  If he didn't actually get sick, it lasted a while.  But if he did get sick, it was super painful.  He also had a lot of pain when it came out the other end, along with quite a bit of blood.  It was just awful to know how bad he felt and not know how else to help him or how to get him to be okay at school.

Luckily we had a Zoom appointment with his doctor that afternoon.  I had been messaging them nearly daily as his symptoms got worse, especially when the nausea became daily and when there was some blood in the little vomit he'd actually get up.  We knew he couldn't go to school unless he got more help.  He had his first infusion coming up Monday, but I really didn't want him to miss all three of the days that first week.  The doctors decided that it was likely that the one anti-inflammatory antibiotic they'd put him on was likely causing the nausea, so they gave him the OK to stop that.  It seemed like the budesonide he had been taking wasn't doing enough, so they decided to move forward with prednisone.  Usually that kind of a steroid is a bit of a last resort, but in his case I think it seemed like a necessary bridge to his infusion.  They also prescribed Zofran to help with the nausea and omeprazole to additionally reduce the stomach acid.  I headed to Wegmans when I got the confirmation on two of those being filled, but for some reason the prednisone was coming back as delayed.  When I got there I asked why, and apparently the doctor forgot to sign the paperwork!  I relayed to the girl waiting on me that the prednisone was the one he really needed to be able to get to school, and she said, "Let me see what we can do."  They ended up calling the after hours on-call number, and miraculously (after a half hour and a cranky Jacob, who was annoyed to have to wait), they were able to fill it.  Thank goodness.

We started the omeprazole that night and I set up the other two for the morning.  I would have done the prednisone right then and there, but I didn't want it to give him trouble sleeping so we waited.  He took his meds first thing in the morning with the crackers, and while he did have a little bit of nausea and some bathroom trips, he managed to get himself together and made it to school only about five minutes late.  I'll take it!  And that prednisone worked almost immediately because he didn't have to go to the bathroom at school and has been doing amazingly ever since.  It's too bad he can't stay on it forever, you know?  But hopefully we'll get him to remission another way.  

Jacob's first day of school was Thursday, which meant both kids were able to head out that day.  

Jacob started the year okay, other than his schedule being a little screwed up, but then one of his teammates came to school sick and that started the anxiety cycle all over again.  Then he got sick--although his was more of the stomach variety than the respiratory thing his teammate had--and he missed the last three days of school last week as a result.  It could be a virus or maybe he got glutened, but I'm starting to think some of the digestive unrest he's had lately could be his anxiety meds doing the same thing to him that mine did to me.  If it goes on much longer, we'll figure out how to get him on the meds I took.  Anyway, he's back on the idea of needing to switch schools.  I think the repeated tendency of his classmates and teammates bringing their sicknesses to school just got to him again and is sort of the straw that broke the camel's back on top of all the other issues he's had there.  There are three leading possibilities this time, but we're not sure any is particularly feasible.  We're likely going to get a lot of pushback from Section V for him to play basketball, at the very least.  All three schools seem happy to have him, though.  It's become very clear how many good reasons there are for him to switch, and I hope Section V can understand that we're just trying to do what's best for our kid.  Could be an interesting week ahead.  More soon on that, I'm sure.

Anyway, this was the view from my car on the way home that first day.  I wanted to take it as a good sign, but a while back I had the realization that the rainbow was maybe more a sign of God being with us through the hard stuff, rather than a promise that everything is going to be okay.  Still, it was gorgeous.

 

Carter did well again on Friday, which was a double relief because his baseball season was starting and bathrooms aren't always easy to come by at the field.  But he was feeling good and having no urgency, so it was a big load off our minds for him to be able to go to practice.  I forgot how practice gets impacted this time of year by the early sunsets, but boy, was it pretty.

He had his first game the next morning.  It was at a park in the city, and it was cold and drizzly when we got there.  Not exactly the best weather for a baseball game, but I guess it hadn't rained hard enough to cancel.  The coach wanted them there early to practice a bit, and Craig had to work the NLL draft, so Carter and I were off bright and early.  This is how I spent most of the morning:

It was chilly!  Luckily the rain stopped pretty quickly, but it was cold and damp.  And then the other team didn't show up.  Nor did the umpires.  Apparently the other baseball organization never got a schedule out to their teams, so they didn't even know they had a game.  Ugh.  They ended up doing some additional practicing, which would have been better had it not been so chilly.  I'm not gonna lie, it was a relief to be done, even though it was starting to brighten and warm up by then.  It turned into a pretty nice day, in fact.

The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet.  I had a nice mix of productivity and relaxing.  And we finished it off with an extremely stressful and somewhat depressing Bills game where they were down the whole game.  I got so annoyed that I started catching up on some work (work is still crazy), and Carter left the game on but muted once he went to bed.  Every time I looked over it seemed like the Bills had gotten the ball back, and slowly but surely they made a comeback.  But rather than watching, I just kept working away because, well, you know...gotta keep the luck going somehow, and typically they do better when I don't watch.  They were down a demoralizing 15 points with about four minutes to go.  But then they got a couple touchdowns in quick succession, yet a missed two-point conversion (as well as another earlier in the game) left them a couple points short.  But miraculously, they got the ball back one last time, marched down the field, and got a last-second field goal to win.  It was CRAZY.  And historic, as they were the first team ever to make that kind of a comeback so late in the game.  I was literally in disbelief watching that field goal go through because it had seemed like a lost cause not that long before.  But it was a late Sunday night game and Carter and I had an early appointment, so it was off to bed as soon as my work was done and blood pressure was back to normal!

Monday morning was Carter's first infusion.  We stopped for a good breakfast en route, and then made our way to the hospital.  Sadly we weren't in the much more kid-friendly children's hospital tower, but our waiting room did have a lovely view.  I liked this pic of one of the window decals superimposed on the view of the Rush Rhees Library dome in the distance.

It took a little extra time for us to actually get into the infusion room, so we had plenty of time to see the sights in the waiting room.  This pediatric treatment center does a lot of different procedures ranging from chemo and lumbar punctures to injections and testing.  There was a wide variety of kids there.  Some looked completely normal and healthy.  One kid came in with a fully masked family and was wearing a "Fight like a lion" shirt, so I'm assuming he might have cancer.  One little girl looked like she either had cerebral palsy or some sort of developmental issue.  Another girl, maybe a teenager, had a clear chromosomal disorder that impacted her face shape.  She was in a wheelchair but was saying hello to everyone.  I didn't hear her talk much besides that, but her mom talked to her like she was just a normal teen.  Once we were inside we heard a couple kids protesting loudly as they were getting their treatments.  The nurse indicated they see a little of everything there, and some kids struggle more than others with things like IVs.  The whole experience was sobering, of course.  I'm sitting there feeling a little sorry for ourselves (mostly Carter, but wondering how I managed to get two kids with crappy autoimmune GI disorders), and then I see all those kids with profound challenges.  I could really only be grateful in that moment that Carter was already feeling better and that his illness seems relatively treatable in comparison.  

Carter's treatment involves an IV infusion of monoclonal antibodies, through a medicine called infliximab.  He'll get another one in two weeks and another a month after that, and the hope is to space them eight weeks if we can after that.  But they'll have to check his levels after the third loading dose to see if he is showing the medicine in his system at appropriate levels and also to ensure his body isn't making antibodies against it.  They'll also recheck a lot of his inflammation levels along the way.  This particular infusion was lengthy, mostly because they need to start slow to check for any sort of reaction.  Thankfully, his went smoothly.

He was a trooper with that IV and the boredom.  He sat on his phone, although we could have watched TV or something.  I did do a bunch of work while I was there, as well.  But everything just seemed to take forever this time, and by the time we were done, it was about 2:30 and we were starving!  We could have probably gotten snacks as they did offer some up, but Carter was holding out for lunch from Popeye's!  On our way out, we had to get a selfie with the man of the hour!  It was fun seeing all the nurses in their Bills gear after the big win, and seeing Josh made me smile.  He also helped Carter to a big fantasy football win over me (which was perfectly acceptable as long as the Bills won)!

So, Carter is feeling much more normal these days, and you could see it immediately.  His mood and energy changed so quickly.  It made me sad to realize just how blah he had been in comparison.  His system seems to be completely back to normal, which is sort of shocking after how bad it got.  He also is slowly working some dairy back in (no pizza yet, but some chocolate and a small bit of cheese), and so far so good.  He's also gained somewhere in the realm of 5-7 pounds in less than two weeks.  He'd lost a bit during this last flare, but is eating like a horse now and trying to pack it on while he can.  I'm sure a lot of the recovery is the prednisone, and he'll be slowly weaning off it for the next few weeks.  From four pills down to three this week, two next week, and one the week after that.  So I guess we'll see between the next two infusions if the infusions are really working on their own.  I keep watching posts from the Facebook page I joined, and it's sobering to see all the struggles other families have.  Terrible flares, failed medicines, awful side effects...it scares me a bit.  But I'm trying not to go there, because I'm sure for every terrible story there is another one that's had minimal issues.  Given how quickly the prednisone worked, I'm hopeful that means that it could help again in the future if we need it, and maybe his disease isn't as severe, or we at least caught it early-ish.  Although it looked pretty bad for a bit, he was never hospitalized, so that's a positive.  It could be a long, challenging road, but we've hit a reprieve for now.

So...two weeks into the school year, we have one kid who's thankful to be going to school, and another who is not going to school at all...for now.  Not exactly how I pictured it (and if anything I almost figured the roles would be reversed), but we're just taking it one day at a time right now.  That's probably all we can handle, actually.  Happy Fall!?

So Many Emotions...

I've been trying to get a post written for a week now, and time and brain space have not been my friends.  But I felt compelled to post about something different for today.  

Today is September 11.  Obviously that right there strikes a chord in most people.  Twenty-four years ago our world changed forever.  It's hard to believe more years have passed now since than day than the number of years I was actually alive when it happened.  I had just turned 23, entering year two of my adult life.  Craig and I had just started seeing one another (in secret because of work), and I was his date for his brother's wedding the following weekend.  I will never forget that day, from walking into work a few minutes late and hearing about a plane into the World Trade Center, to hearing about a second one, then finally seeing the holes and realizing what was happening, to watching the first tower come down.  Then the Pentagon, and Pennsylvania, and wondering what might happen next.  We've been trying to explain that to the kids lately, that it was such a horrible day not just because of the massive loss of life, but because we just didn't know what more might happen.  Everything felt so out of control.  

I was supposed to go to a Stevie Nicks concert with Mary a day or two later, and that got canceled as I was driving home on that picture perfect, clear blue sky day.  Craig and I went out to dinner that night, as I was way too spent to cook.  We chose the new Ruby Tuesday that opened up down the road from my apartment the prior day.  In the years that followed, up until it closed a number of years ago, I always remember there being a plaque on the wall commemorating their opening day with the September 10, 2001 date.  We watched rescue footage on the TVs as we ate, which probably shows just how out-of-it we were, that we could even stomach that.  

That was also probably one of the least productive weeks I've ever had.  We had a golf tournament at work the day before (and our foursome pictures had the wrong date imprinted on them--9/11/01, of course--ugh), and then Tuesday we did almost no work as we watched the events unfold.  The rest of the week involved delayed decisions and frozen budgets among our corporate sponsors, whose sponsorship elements I was supposed to be collecting ahead of the hockey season.  I later heard a story from one of my contacts who worked in New York about watching the smoke from his office and then walking across the bridge to New Jersey, so clearly they were on hold and there was so much uncertainty all around.  We were also all in some sort of PTSD shock haze for a while after that.  I watched footage all evening for days, until I had to stop myself in order to maintain my sanity and will to live.  I just couldn't bear the thought of such a terrible way to die, nor the pain all of the families and children were feeling.  

As I said, it's come up a few times recently with the kids, and it's hard for them to picture a time when that wasn't our reality.  They've always known a world with that in the history book, and can't quite grasp what a game-changer that day was for almost everything, from visiting cities or being in a high-rise to flying on planes and our general sense of security.  And the united patriotism that we saw in the days that followed is an incredibly far cry from the divided country we are now.  I've wondered before what would happen now if something like that occurred?  It would be an instant blame game and there would likely be immediate violence against any group tied to it--whether racial, ethnic or political.  President Bush's statements were strong but comforting, yet I can only imagine what President Trump would say--though presumably it would be far less eloquent and include some form of name-calling or unfounded speculation.  Why do I think that?  Well, that's pretty much how it goes with any smaller tragedy these days.

Case in point, today is also oddly emotional because yesterday was another dark day in our history.  In Utah a conservative political activist was murdered during an outdoor speaking engagement at a university.  I never really liked Charlie Kirk, if I'm honest.  Jacob watched a lot of his videos, and while we may have shared a similar faith on paper, his take on elements of it were very different.  He tended to share things that could be construed as racist, homo- and trans-phobic, playing into stereotypes, and generally just cruel.  He called black women stupid, wouldn't trust certain people to fly his plane, said that he'd make his (hypothetical) 10-year-old daughter bring a pregnancy caused by rape to term, and that empathy is a new-age term that's a waste of time and detrimental to society.  He also said that a certain number of gun violence deaths each year were a valid price to pay to keep the 2nd Amendment in place.  Well, turns out he's one of those deaths, as he was sniped from the top of a building.  Even more ironic, he was talking about trans people as shooters and inferring gun deaths were mostly gang related in the moment before he died.  Even though I disagree with him on almost everything, it's tragic and political violence should not happen in a democratic nation.  It was shocking to see such a prominent young voice gunned down out of the blue.  Discussion and fair debate are so important, and apparently he was pretty good at that considering his strong views.  We've lost sight of that in recent years, and it's led to this dehumanizing violence.  I always come back to the book I read before the 2020 election, Love Your Enemies, by Arthur Brooks.  It gives a lot of insight into how we got here--how each side has dehumanized the other side through name-calling and discrediting, which leads to a lack of respect for their views, their humanity, and ultimately their life.  This perspective turns humans into animals, just survival of the fittest and only one of us can survive.  If we can't visualize their humanity--the life, family, and friends behind them--they become merely a target, be it of hate or violence.  It happens in almost all walks of life, from school hallways to war-torn nations to political debates.  We don't value life or mutual respect, and it shows.  Violence like this is the direct result.  

And of course, maybe guns are the problem, or maybe mental health is.  Likely both. As noted above, we've set the stage for some unhinged person to believe they have a right to exterminate their opponent.  We've taken away mental health care while also doing away with gun laws that would flag people as threats.  You can't blame mental health and then take away resources.  So many of us have been wanting common sense gun laws to bar mental health risks from getting them, but while this administration wants to legislate everything from reproductive health to banned books, apparently guns can't be regulated or it infringes our rights.  Mmm, 'kay.  The hypocrisy on some of this stuff is staggering.  A Democratic Minnesota lawmaker and her husband were gunned down at their home a few months ago and Trump didn't bother even calling the Democratic governor.  But for this?  Flags at half-staff immediately.  The difference is striking and just plays into this us vs. them mentality that creates these situations even more--"They're not worth our time or energy", which to the unhinged translates to "Maybe they don't even deserve to live."

The other sad thing that happened yesterday was another school shooting.  On top of another school shooting a couple weeks ago.  In this one only the shooter died and two were injured.  In the other one, two little kids were killed while praying in church and many more were injured.  Lots of thoughts and prayers were sent, of course, but no action.  So people get all up in arms about this assassination (as well they should), but don't show the same energy or compassion for children that were killed while praying in their school's chapel.  And when two similarly tragic things happen on the same day and get far different treatment, it's hard to ignore.  It's why so many of us feel disenchanted with everything right now--how Christianity responds, how the government responds (or doesn't)--it's exhausting.  Next week we have our big reunion/homecoming weekend at work and will have a number of guest speakers on campus.  I'm not sure any are as political as Charlie Kirk, but it does give me pause about what would happen if that happened here.  It's scary.

Anyway, the fact remains that a wife has lost her husband and kids have lost their dad, which is just awful no matter who you are (although as many have pointed out, if he was anti-empathy, how sad should we feel?).  But no one should die for their free speech.  Full stop.  This country is supposed to be better than that.  They still don't know who did it or what their motivation was, though the conspiracy theories and rumors are all over the place.  Supposedly the ammunition had transgender and anti-fascist messaging, but was that a plant to throw everyone off-track?  There's debate over whether it was the perfect shot of a marksman or an accidental "lucky shot" of an amateur who should have been aiming for the head or chest.  If it was a planned hit, why?  And there's even some speculating that Trump himself (or someone on his team) set it up to distract from the growing pressure to release the Epstein files, which have probably been the only thing in the past 10 years that both sides can almost agree on.  It could expose some very prominent names as having done some very sketchy (even criminal) stuff, and while Democrats are voting for it (even though there are Dems in the files), every single Republican is voting against release no matter how many people on both sides want it.  That's not suspicious at all...or not.  Who even knows what to believe anymore?  And will the truth on this even come out?  These days it seems like everything is a cover-up for something, or a very blatant attempt to make people look bad.  It sucks to feel so unsure of reality all the time.  A co-worker of mine even said yesterday that's hard to focus properly on work with all of this (not just yesterday, but everything that's happened in the last eight months, let alone the last five or ten years), and he's right.  It's just so much sensory input, and being an empath in the middle of it all is exhausting.

Twenty-four-years-ago me could never have fathomed where we are today.  Frustrated with Christianity, sitting a tad left of center politically, unsure I want to fly a flag outside my house, a disgraced celebrity running the country, and civil liberties and constitutional rights being infringed upon left and right.  Back then we had a common enemy outside of our borders, and now the enemy could literally be our next door neighbor (judging by the houses around the corner with competing Trump and "No Kings" signs).  Everything about this sucks.  All while the rich get richer and the poor pay for the tariffs.  What a freaking mess.  I'd like to hope that when we hit the 25th anniversary next year, something will be better, but I can't say I have any reason to believe it.  I pray God has mercy on us and finds a way (hopefully gently) to right the ship, because this storm is just not sustainable. 

Birthday Weekend

My birthday weekend wasn't really shaping up to be quite what I had hoped, mostly because we couldn't do much with how Carter was feeling.  I was sad about it because I hate seeing him uncomfortable and unhappy, and I miss being able to do fun things with him.  There was an added insult to injury all weekend, viewing my Facebook memories which were full of Disney, Cedar Point, and the Jersey Shore, plus a post about our Legoland trip last year.  I was so lucky to have those experiences all those years in a row, but this weekend felt like a bit of a letdown in comparison.  The fun is nice, but I think being on vacation for your birthday as a mom feels easier, too, because it takes some of the typical mom labor off the table.  When we're traveling, I don't have to feel compelled to clean, I don't have to cook meals, and I can escape from the endless to-do lists at home.  But being at home this time around, it felt necessary to do a lot of the household labor because a) it was a weekend when I normally play catch-up on all of that stuff; b) if I don't do it I'm just going to have things piling up; and c) people need to eat.  I guess my compromise was eating out pretty much every dinner so I didn't have to cook.

I ended up taking Friday off, just to give myself an extra long weekend.  Jacob had a dermatologist appointment and a session with his trainer in the morning anyway, and Craig and I had a date night planned, so it just made sense.  I spent a chunk of the day running Jacob around and running errands while he was with his trainer.  I made a stop at Aldi to pick up a few things, and much to my surprise, I found something I had been looking for:

They had these snuggly stuffed animals a few weeks ago, and Carter was obsessed with the hippo.  I liked the capybara, but I held off on buying them because we obviously don't need more stuffed animals.  But then I thought the capybara might be a good sort of body pillow for me in bed.  I just got a new cervical pillow because my neck felt all messed up and I could never get comfortable, and when I sleep on my side, it's helpful to have something to lean against.  Well, once I decided that would be a cute, useful buy for just $10, I couldn't find the capybara anywhere.  The hippo kept popping up, and I knew Carter really wanted it.  But as he got sicker over the past few weeks I felt like he needed a pick-me-up.  One day he needed to get blood work done and Aldi was across the parking lot so I offered to go check.  Sadly, they didn't have a hippo.  But a couple days later I went to a different one--one that I knew had a couple earlier in the week.  When I didn't see any where I thought I would, I remembered that there had been a random one stuffed in a spot near the end of an aisle, all by itself.  Sure enough, wasn't that hippo still sitting there!  I snatched him up so fast, and he was even on clearance!  It absolutely made Carter's day.  They've been nearly inseparable since, and the hippo is cute "belly buddies" with the Figment we got at Disney because they both lay the same way.  Well, back to my capybara...I had lost hope for my own until I went to the Aldi near Jacob's trainer, and imagine my surprise when I saw a large, brown fluffy butt among the Squishmallow display!  I snatched him up so fast, too, and named him as my birthday gift to myself!  I mean, how cute is that face?  Even the male cashier remarked about the cuteness!  He's been such a cozy support and has made me so happy!

As I mentioned, we had a date night Friday night.  Craig had the chance to get tickets to a concert at CMAC in Canandaigua through work, and we looked through the options to pick which one.  One of the shows was the band Heart, and as an 80s girl at heart, that definitely seemed like a fun one.  Well, the day finally arrived.  We had never been there before, so we weren't entirely sure what to expect.  We had lawn seats but also had access to an area with its own bar, chairs, and bathrooms.  We had to set the boys up with dinner before we left, and then made the hour drive to Canandaigua.  We got through the security line, found food inside, and then went to pick a spot.  We sat in the Corona Cabana area for a bit before settling down a little ways down on the lawn.  Of course it happened to be one of the coldest days of summer for an outdoor show.  The high maybe made it into the mid-60s, but it was going to cool down a lot.  I had a hoodie and a coat, and I was glad that coat had gloves!  I also brought two blankets.  The early evening was nice, though.

You could see Canandaigua Lake in the distance--if you zoom in you might be able to see the sun reflecting off the water.

Doesn't happen often that we're alone!

Once we settled into our spot to wait for the show to start, the sunset put on a little show of its own!

The first act was Todd Rundgren.  He's most famous for the "Bang on the Drum All Day" song of arena rock fame, but he did have a couple yacht rock-type hits from the 70s that I recognized when I looked him up.  As the show started, we sat there waiting for any of the three...and waited...and waited.  He sang a ton of songs for an opening act, and I finally got impatient and looked up the set list on the internet.  He wasn't going to sing "Bang on the Drum" at all, which had to disappoint people, but he did do the last two near the end.  He certainly didn't sound as good as he used to, but those were cool to hear.  Here's one of them:

The sky continued to do lovely things while we waited through his set.

It was a pretty chilly evening by this point, and into the low 50s by the time we left, but we managed.  Thank goodness for the blankets and my gloves, but definitely not what I expected for August!  

The Heart portion of the show ended up having a few more songs I didn't know than maybe I'd hoped, but the ones I did know were pretty awesome to hear live.  Ann Wilson still sounds pretty incredible, and Nancy runs and jumps while strumming her guitar like a woman half her age.  I realized as I sat there that all three main performers of the night were around our parents' ages--Todd Rundgren was about the same as Craig's dad, Ann was around my mom's age, and Nancy was around Craig's mom's age.  I can't really fathom any of them doing a high-energy show like that, so it was pretty impressive to be highly entertained by a trio of septuagenarians!

"These Dreams" strikes me as such a classic 80s ballad.

"Alone" has been one of my favorite songs of theirs for a while--possibly since I saw Carrie Underwood absolutely nail it on American Idol back in the day.  This version was a bit more low-key than the original, but it's still a favorite.  It's actually the one song of theirs I have on my phone already, although I'll probably download a couple more after this.

Before the last song, we packed up and headed down toward the exit.  We figured we'd get a couple minutes where we could see better, and then try to beat the traffic since we had an hour drive home and it was already around 11pm.  It was fun to get a better view when they sang "Barracuda", and you can see just how high energy Nancy was!

It was a really fun night out with Craig, especially since we still don't do that enough.  It was a very late night for us, though.  And likely as a result, I didn't feel that great on Saturday.  I only had one drink at the concert, so it wasn't that.  I didn't sleep well because I forgot to take my medicine, though in retrospect, when I realized that at 2:30am, I probably should have just taken it anyway and slept in.  But I didn't sleep soundly after that and was awake early--probably because Carter had a rough bathroom trip early.  I laid in bed too long after that and stayed sort of tired and groggy most of the day.  I finally perked up a bit later in the day after some caffeine, and I started working on some of the house cleanup since we were planning on having both sets of parents over on Sunday.  But then Craig's parents couldn't make it that day, so we postponed to Monday--and thank goodness because I had a lot to do and little energy to do it.  I took Jacob to get some chicken he'd been asking for for dinner, and got an amazing chicken finger garbage plate myself.  Craig had Chipotle and Carter got some wings from Salvatore's.  Being dairy-free and managing nausea has been challenging when it comes to eating out, but he's finding options.

My actual birthday on Sunday was...not spectacular.  Carter didn't feel good enough to go to church, so just Jacob and I went.  When I got home I had so many tasks awaiting me--vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, kitchen cleaning, picking up the rest of the piles of accumulated stuff and papers, etc.  Plus the kids are both struggling with what to eat right now--Carter because of his UC (and maybe some mental stuff with the nausea), and Jacob because he's sort of bored with everything or having aversions to things he eats too much.  As a result, I spent quite a while trying to figure out how to get Carter fed (putting off my own lunch because I didn't want his to get pushed off further while I ate).  I ultimately spent most of the afternoon taking care of everyone else, plus grocery shopping.  And, of course, anything little I tried to do for myself (Aldi shopping for a glass pumpkin and my free birthday Taco Bell Freeze) ended up not working out right.  I was a bit discouraged by that point because I just sort of wanted a day where I didn't have to plan and figure everything out for everyone else, and there ended up being a lot of that.  And then I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to eat for my own dinner.  Jacob got Craig to take him back for more chicken from the same place as the previous night, and Craig got that too (and loved it).  Carter figured out a Taco Bell order that worked for him (and I was finally able to get my Freeze), and I ended up with Chinese food, which I love but almost never get.  That part of the night worked out better than expected, so that helped end the day on a better note.  I also decided on a whim at one point to clear out all of the Hot Wheels stuff from the toy corner.  I had realized not long ago that it was taking up a ton of space and not getting used, so I moved all of that down to the crawl space (two bins and a garbage bag), and sent a couple other things to the freebie pile.  It did help the mess quite a bit, so that was nice.  That part of the room is bugging me a lot less now!  

We did have a little bit of an additional challenge in that Jacob got a new desk and wanted to revamp his whole room, which he wanted to get started that night.  A couple weeks ago we moved out our old armchair that he insisted on keeping six years ago, and that sort of jump-started him wanting to get rid of a bunch of stuff.  He was also feeling like his allergies were getting bad, and no wonder since he never cleans it and it's too cluttered and messy for me to even attempt it.  It's been a process to sort through things, vacuum all the accumulated dust, and move all the furniture around.  We got a little hung up since his preferred arrangement didn't quite work out (badly placed vent, directly under the window), and I ran out of time and energy to put the desk together.  We sort of left his room in disarray at that point to "test out" having his bed in the middle of the room in a different spot.  I finally got back to it on Tuesday night at his request (and of course, Carter had a long round of nausea at the same time so I was on the phone with him in the basement for a while).  I got the desk together and shifted around the rest of the furniture.  But he may be having second thoughts now that everything is in place, so we'll just call it a work in progress.

Monday morning involved a lot of work before everyone arrived around noon.  Oh, and I invited Lori, Kevin, and Honey the dog last minute on Sunday, too.  I tried to do a good but low-maintenance meal--pulled pork, our family-favorite broccoli-rice casserole, salt potatoes (easy in the Instant Pot), and watermelon.  My mom brought a salad and Lori brought cole slaw.  I got the pork started first thing in the morning, then finally got going on cake.  I meant to do it the night before but ran out of time, so I had catching up to do in the morning.  I decided to do something a bit more fun and whip out the giant cupcake mold from Carter's first birthday.  Since we were also going to belatedly celebrate Jacob's birthday and Craig's dad's upcoming birthday, I asked Jacob for input and he didn't have much.  So I figured I'd just do something generic but a little more fun than a round cake.  Of course, when Jacob saw it in pieces that morning, he was like, "That's it?"  So, I ended up making cupcakes too, since I'd bought the second box of mix just in case.  But I kept everything really simple aside from making a chocolate shell bottom (it's a bit more "finished" than cake alone).  This is how the big one turned out:

It's far from perfect, especially since the shell cracked a bit as it sat out, but it does look like a giant cupcake and I thought it was cute.  And it was much easier than messing around with piping things on.  If I had more frosting I might have done a more fun top, but this worked.  I decided that rather than try to have three people blowing out candles on the big cake, we could do one candle each in a cupcake and do it all together.

It was fun to share that moment with two other people!

It really ended up being a nice afternoon with family.  I loved getting to see Honey (who may be coming to stay with us for a few days soon!), and catching up with family is always nice.  Lori brought me some flowers (blue vase in the back) and the boys got me the front flowers.  All so bright and cheery!

But my best gift was from my parents.  It's not too often that I get a physical birthday present, so when they said they had one for me I was intrigued.  And when my dad took credit for it, even more so, because he's never been the gift guy.  Apparently it was supposed to be a Christmas gift, but my mom feared my dad would never keep it a secret for that long!  While they were on their European river cruise, apparently a glass artist came on board to do some demonstrations and sell his pieces.  While they could have gotten me a nice but less expensive glass bird, my dad decided they should splurge and get me this:

It's so beautiful!  It's hard in the video to see how three-dimensional the inside is, but it's so cool.  It's probably one of the coolest, most perfect-for-me gifts I have ever received, and instantly became one of my most prized possessions--not just because it's cool, but because of the thoughtfulness behind it.  

It wasn't exactly ideal to have the busiest day of our weekend be the day before going back to work, but it was worth it.  But Tuesday wasn't easy, even though I was working from home that day.  And the rest of the week never really let up.  I'll post more on that soon...