A Fond Farewell...No, Really.

Carter wrapped up school on Wednesday.  It was a weird week--off Monday for the first official Juneteenth holiday, in school all day Tuesday (which was partly spent doing an ice cream social), and a half day Wednesday.  Sort of ending with a whimper, I suppose, but I guess the end of the year is always a little funky.  He brought all of his papers and supplies home last Friday, so clearly not much was getting done anyway.

I always get a little wistful this time of year, because the last couple weeks of school were always so full of anticipation and a welcome change of pace when I was younger.  In grade school I have fond memories of outdoor activities, field trips, and classroom cleanup.  It felt like such an accomplishment to check our textbooks back in--we were always assigned books in the first few days of school, each of them numbered, and needed to turn them back in at the end of the year.  It was a long series of the teacher calling our names and numbers for each book we had, which sounds boring, but at least it wasn't school work and it signified that we were done!  I always felt a little funny about the books we didn't finish, mind you, but it felt like tangible evidence that we had done something all year.  Then we'd clean out our desks and scrub the tops with shaving cream--enjoying a fun art opportunity in the process.  The room would smell so clean and fresh!  And the feeling of walking out of school, report card in hand on that last half day?  Priceless.  Off to summers of mindless TV, reading, and bike riding.  High school was a little less exciting--still some turning in of textbooks with a side of Regents exam review.  But the vibe was usually a bit more chill as the days ticked down, and there was the anticipation of all the lasts of the year, leading up to Moving Up Day and yearbooks.  And don't even get me started on college, the most intense of all.  The rush of exams and finals, the relative freedom of no classes (but of course there was a lot of studying to do in their place), the slow but sure pack-up and farewell to all of your friends for the summer (because cell phones weren't a thing yet and email and Instant Messenger only did so much), and then the feeling of complete freedom...until summer employment started, anyway.  Regardless, watching the boys wrap up the year brings back a lot of memories, but my elementary memories are especially sweet.

As usual, on Wednesday morning we took the traditional picture...

...but he also wanted me to take a picture that showed how he really felt about the last day:

Yes, that is a sad face.  He was truly crushed by the end of the year.  This was the first year he enjoyed school, and he hated to see it end.  He loved his teacher, he loved learning, and he will miss it all over the summer.  Previously the end of the year was a relief.  The structure of school was hard and his teacher frustrated him.  We got a tiny preview of life with medicine last June when he had a few days on a low dose that seemed to make a difference, but even with that, the end of school meant that he could finally relax and I know he was so relieved.  

He gained a little confidence when his voluntary online summer school felt easy and he was able to focus, and then he started the actual school year off so well.  He adored his teacher from the first day, had a good buddy in his class, and learning became so much easier.  He breezed through reading, felt much more comfortable with math, and even managed to get better at writing (although that still needs work--but still such a difference).  His report cards were nearly perfect all year--no behavior issues, and solid ratings in his subjects.  He had an amazing year, and I don't blame him for being sad.

I think we're both a little nervous about next year.  I have full confidence that he can do it, but what if his teacher isn't a good match?  What if his experience transports him right back to the trauma of his second grade struggles?  I hope that won't be the case.  I'm guessing he might end up with Jacob's 4th grade teacher (that seems to be a trend with siblings), which will be a bit more of a discipline challenge for him but could also be fine because even Jacob liked her for the most part, but maybe his third grade teacher had a better one in mind.  It's just hard to know what will be the best fit, but I truly hope it's a good one regardless.  I think he's learned a lot this year that will help him regulate his behavior even if the teacher isn't a great fit, so hopefully one way or another we'll be in good shape.

It was funny because I talked to his friend who was in the same class at the birthday party last week and he didn't think nearly as highly of the teacher as Carter.  He and Carter definitely got themselves into trouble in Kindergarten, to the point that when they asked their teacher if they'd be in the same class in first grade, she said a solid, "No!"  But I figured this year was much better for both of them.  I do think his friend continued to have a few more behavior challenges yet this year but his "meh" review of her surprised me because I figured she just had the patience of a saint for all "interesting" kids...but maybe Carter really was that good!

This summer he'll be going to the after school program's summer program.  The price and location were right and it seems like they'll have enough programming to keep it fun.  He'll also be doing the online summer school program again, just to prevent summer slide.  It's about 90 minutes of work each week.  It'll be easier if he can do it at the camp program, but if not we'll make time and maybe incentivize if it feels hard.  But I think it will benefit him a lot regardless, and even he felt like it would be helpful.  He is in the midst of two whole weeks off right now before camp starts, so I think the break will be enough for him to recharge before it's time to crank his brain up again.  Summer school ends in mid-August and camp ends the second to last week in August (and we have very interesting plans for the last week of break!), so he will get some down time then, too.  And likely we'll pull him out for a day or two here and there when we can.  I'm glad he a got a taste of summers at home like I had as a kid these last two years, but the screen time battle was miserable and I think he needs more structure than I can provide him.  

I'm so proud of all his accomplishments this year and hope he not only enjoys his summer, but proves to himself next year that this wasn't a fluke.  He's come so far and he takes so much pride in himself and his work now, and I hope it's just the beginning.

Little Kid Adventures and Big Kid Birthdays

It was another Syracuse tournament weekend, but this time Craig and Jacob had to go alone since Carter had soccer practice and pictures, plus a birthday party for a friend of his.  Saturday was a little cooler than you would expect for late June, and windy, too, but at least it was sunny and not too hot in the sun.  It didn't make for much of a pool party, although the boys did go in for a bit, but who needs a pool when you have a giant inflatable obstacle course?

I ended up being the only parent who stuck around, mostly since it was a pool party and Carter isn't a super confident swimmer yet (and of course, didn't want to wear a floatie).  I just didn't want to risk someone forgetting to check the pool for him.  But it worked out okay because I got along well with the parents.  We've sort of crossed paths for years between school and church, so it was nice finally getting to know them.  Their older son, who just finished 5th grade, is also a basketball player, so we had some interesting conversations about that, too.  It was fun watching all the boys interact--Carter's friend Ben never fails to crack me up--and after the pandemic it was extra nice to see them all together.  It ended up being more than a four-hour party, ending with an epic game of Capture the Flag!  After that we headed home for the night with a dinner detour, both generally exhausted!

On Sunday we got up for church and then went out for lunch to KFC.  We wanted to do some sort of playground since it was another coolish but gorgeous day, but when I checked Google Maps for the one I had in mind, it said, "Temporarily Closed".  I didn't want to risk a 20 minute drive for a closed playground so we changed course and searched for another one.  I decided maybe it was a good day to  try Braddock Bay, an area near the lake that has a marshy inlet.  The playground wasn't huge but we had fun checking it out, and I promised Carter that we could hit up his favorite one on the way back if this one wasn't good enough.  He mostly did some monkey bars and some slides (both up and down).

There was a separate set of slides off from the main playground.  In this picture you can see the main playground, plus the lodge in the background where there was a wedding going on!

After we had some playground time, we went on a walk to a lookout area.  There was a deck-style pier that went out into the wetlands, and as we ventured out, look what was sitting on the edge!

Snake!

Carter wasn't too impressed by the view, but I thought it was pretty cool.  Cat tails and reeds as far as the eye could see!

Those houses have quite the view!

Cat tail!

A swan passing through

After that we went to a hawk viewing deck.  We didn't see those, but we could see the lake better from there.

We also checked out a nature trail, but that seemed a bit more complicated than we preferred past a certain point so it was short-lived.  But we did see this very tall tree...

...and this very large stump!

When we were ready to leave, I gave Carter an alternate option.  There had been a festival down in Charlotte at the beach and I'd seen pictures of a cool sand sculpture.  I figured we could check that out while it lasted and hit up the playground there.  I offered that we could go to his favorite playground later or the next day, since we had a long weekend, so he was okay with it.  The sand sculpture was pretty cool!  It depicted the lighthouse just down the road that's celebrating its 200th birthday.  We checked out that lighthouse from the outside seven years ago.

We walked along the beach, and watched with some concern a circling helicopter and four rescue boats.  Apparently they thought someone went missing in the rough surf that morning, but it appears to have been a false report.  We wandered around the carrousel (I pointed out the replacement panel for the racist one we saw at the science museum a couple months ago) and made our way to the playground.  It was busy, but Carter mostly stuck with the zip line.  However, he was intrigued and challenged by the uphill monkey bars to his left.  They were hard!

On the way home we stopped at the lighthouse that the sand sculpture was depicting, but we just missed the last tour.  Some day I WILL get up there!

But at least I got to see this gorgeous rose in the gardens!

Since Craig and Jacob were gone most of the day, we didn't really get to make the most of Father's Day.  By the way, Jacob had a decent tournament including one game with four three-pointers and five points in one of the 9th grade games, but the two teams only won one game combined.  Quite the switch from two championships the previous weekend!  Craig's gift was a little unorthodox, but I think it was a cool one.  I mentioned that we had a stop on our way out of town when we were in Pittsburgh, and it was to a Container Store.  They sell a container that the internet deemed the best option to display the 24 Office figures that Craig got in his Advent calendar.  Sure enough, it was perfect.  I didn't get a great picture because of the glare, but it looked pretty cool with all of the figures in there!

We wrapped up with some (good) leftovers for dinner and called it a day.  But we had more to celebrate the next day because it was Jacob's 14th birthday!  

I don't know what to make of big kid birthdays.  They're definitely not the same.  He only got us a list a couple days before so he got nothing on his list (yet).  For now I opted to get him three pairs of summer pajama pants since his flannel ones are making me hot when he wears them in the summer!  Jury's out on whether he will actually wear them.  He also got gluten-free licorice, which was sadly probably his favorite gift.
  

Craig had to work most of the day but did manage to get some time so we could take him to lunch.  We opted for Outback, where the lucky kid got filet medallions with shrimp.  We had a quiet afternoon, though I did have to take Carter to his favorite playground (the one in Hilton) like I promised.  When we got back, Jacob requested the Aldi General Tso's Chicken for dinner (an easy one--yes!) and then I focused on preparing his cake.  He doesn't want a party because he's sad more people don't come, so I figured I'd do a decent cake for our mini celebration.  He never got one last year, so if it ends up being a bonus one, so be it.  It's not one of my best, but it got the job done with minimal planning!  I just used what I had in my cabinet and loosely followed a cake design I had pinned on Pinterest years ago.  Simple but effective.

We had to wait until Craig got home from work just before 10pm to sing and eat, but I'm glad we got it in. 

Officially too many years for candles, so we did 14/2 = 7.

It definitely wasn't his best birthday but hopefully we can keep the flow of presents coming for a while so he still feels like he had a birthday.  I'm sad that he's turned off by parties because of the not-great attendance, but I stopped inviting extended family a few years back because hardly anyone came and it only complicated planning for food expecting even a handful to show up.  It also felt a little like a gift-grab (even if I said not to bring one) because he's never been the friendliest with my extended family anyway, and it always felt a little weird for people to come all this way for Jacob to basically just ignore them.   And obviously Craig's brother's family is usually busy with sports, so that limited the attendance as well.  Apparently grandparents aren't quite enough for him.  I'll keep working on him and maybe we can figure something out when the pool is warm and the weather is nice.  I can't believe I miss the days of the long list of toys and chaotic party planning, but the excitement as he sat by his stacks of gifts, both on his birthday and for his party, was really something special.  Now his gifts are so expensive it's rare to get many, and they tend to come in spurts as they arrive from various online stores.  I still feel like I should have done better--I totally forgot that I usually do cinnamon rolls, and I also didn't remember to bring out the random but cute light-up Happy Birthday LED lights to string on the mantle.  I think the pandemic has broken my planning brain, sadly.  So many routines and habits have been disrupted and now I feel like I don't know how to do anything aside from surviving day-to-day.  Thank goodness for a long weekend or nothing might have happened (I took off Friday to run a million errands and Monday was a holiday), but I guess I just have too much on my mind and not enough energy to work through it.  I did get back on the exercise bandwagon over the weekend, which felt great.  Baby steps.

Summer is officially here, and hopefully I am ready for it!

Fourteen

 Dear Jacob,

Well, it's been an interesting year.  Lots of ups and downs and unexpected twists and turns, but all things considered, a good year.  And now you are solidly into your teens.  Wow, wasn't it just a few years ago that I was sitting in that hospital room, dazed and confused and unsure if or when I was allowed to see you, because you were whisked off to the special care nursery earlier that morning?  I guess that first day should have been a hint this parenting thing wouldn't be easy!  Gladly, that evening gave me my first glimpse of the good stuff, too.  But oh, what a ride it's been...right from the beginning. 

Last year at this time I thought we'd be staring down high school and the four-year countdown to launching you into the world.  But it turns out we have a "bonus" year we didn't expect, since you're reclassifying and doing 8th grade all over again, with the added twist of going to a different school.  I know I should be grateful for that extra year, since most parents at this stage would take an extra year in a heartbeat--and hopefully I will appreciate it before it's over--but getting to this point has been a little wacky and I'm still adjusting to the idea that you'll be a year behind the group of my friends' same-age kids I've watched grow with you all of these years.  Now you'll be grouped with different friends' kids, not to mention your own six-months-younger cousin.  I have a feeling the term "bittersweet" will crop up a lot as you work through these next five years that will be different than we originally expected.

The school change is definitely going to be a switch for you, and I guess I admire the fact (or question your sanity) that you seem quite unfazed by it all.  I'd be panicked--in fact, I had the chance to change schools around 7th grade when I was getting bullied, and the fear of having to make all new friends was apparently worse than managing the bad ones I had--so seeing you just take it in stride is fascinating to me.  I know you'll miss your old friends, but thank goodness for technology.  And it's good you already have some friends going into your new school, but it's definitely going to be a change.  

I am intrigued to see how you do with a slightly different religious education.  I feel like the Catholic education you got still kept the religion at arm's length, but I think what you're going to experience at Northstar is possibly going to make your faith a little more real and accessible.  You're sort of a tough nut to crack in that area--I think you're too literal sometimes for spiritual stuff to come easily--but if anything can do it, this kind of education might.

When I tell people about you reclassifying, I always specify that it's not an academic decision.  Your grades range from really awesome to "we know you can do better".  Fully acceptable for most kids, but a little less than you're capable of.  It's still frustrating to see how much potential you have that goes unused, as we know that some of your academic lapses don't need to happen.  You absolutely have the smarts to get there, and your medicine probably gets you part of the rest of the way, but you still need to put the effort in to take it to that next level.  You do it with basketball and I get why it's not as easy with school, but I hope the changes this coming year prove to be a good fit.  Instead of long classes every other day, you'll have shorter classes daily.  It might mean more homework each night, but it also might be a better routine for you to have that daily reinforcement.  It's funny--twice in the last month I've talked to people who were student athletes who mentioned how they did better academically during their sports' seasons, partly because of the routine and partly because sports made the entire school experience more enjoyable.  That was something I never really heard before and I do think your school performance went a bit downhill once modified ended, so I think that's something we need to be on the lookout for next year.  This transition year will be interesting regardless.

Speaking of modified, what a mess that was this year.  We were so excited to see you on JV, and then that dream died right before the season, by no fault of your own, which led to a whole series of ups and downs.  Mentally I know it was hard for you to be on that modified team because you didn't have a lot of help, but it was amazing to finally see how you could dominate a game.  You've told us over and over how good you are, and it was nice to see you get the chance to show it.  There's still a lot of work to be done and more consistency is needed, but those games where you were on fire were so fun to watch.  This AAU season with ICC has been a little more challenging, both mentally and physically, but I know you've been learning and I look forward to seeing where it leaves you for your school season.

Things at home have continued to be challenging, both with your brother and your interactions with us (but mostly me).  You have officially entered into the teenager know-it-all phase, which is hard when your parents have been around for 30+ more years than you, lived through teenager trials, and want to help you avoid some of the same pitfalls without the frustration.  I'd be better with you experiencing them yourself except I'm not sure you've evolved much from the toddler that used to exasperate me by never learning your lesson.  You'd do something you weren't supposed to and the resulting injury or discipline didn't dissuade you from doing it again the next time.  We're trying to help when we give you advice, though, so I hope one of these days it sinks in.  I could definitely do without the moodiness and the attitude, but there are other things I hear from other parents of teenagers that I feel may not be as much of a worry for us.  There's something about your personality that feels a little less prone to weird peer pressure issues, and I hope I'm reading that right.  You're motivated by basketball more than anything so hopefully that helps you make smarter decisions that won't derail your career.  

Your confidence is equally impressive and scary, as I think sometimes you have these big plans and high expectations that may not pan out, and conservative old me keeps hoping you have a safety net for when that happens.  But I suppose the best of the best don't have that safety net, and that's what keeps them going at the high level they're at.  Hopefully that's you, though I'll be white-knuckling it every step of the way.  You're impossible to argue with, but most of the time I can't help myself because I hope at least a tiny fraction of what I say might sink in.  But you will likely blaze your own path no matter what we do.  Please try to make good decisions.

Family life is significantly better than it was in the midst of the pandemic--we do have moments of peace even as you still belittle and frustrate Carter.  Some days you still seem to want to help him, but when that goodwill comes with a side of insults, it's hard to let that go.  We still haven't found that proper balance and I wish I knew how to make you understand why your efforts aren't always appreciated.  He's a different kid than you, for better or for worse, and learning to be tolerant of that doesn't seem to be in your wheelhouse.  But just being nice and avoiding the unnecessary shots would be helpful, for so many reasons.  We're finally (hopefully) getting the family vacation you've been begging for for years, the one you insisted would help your relationship, so I guess we'll see if it does.

Your life so far has definitely kept us on our toes.  Never a dull moment, and each new chapter of your story seems to get more interesting than the last.  We're lucky to have a front-row seat for it all, but more often than not you keep us on the edge of that seat wondering what's going to happen next.  Being your parent has never been an easy job, but I wouldn't trade it...although if it would have been a little easier I wouldn't have complained 😉 I just can't believe it's been 14 years of it!  You've grown up (and up and up) before my eyes, and I can barely connect who you are today to that newborn baby or tiny toddler...even if those versions and the current one have both tested us every step of the way.  We wish you nothing but joy and success in the coming year, and hope your 14th birthday is the start of that!  Happy Birthday, Jacob!

Love,
Mom  

Non-Stop

I feel like it's been a couple of those weeks where things have been nearly non-stop.  Most evenings have sports or errands and we don't eat until 7:30 or 8, at which point I'm cleaning up and getting maybe a half hour to sit before I have to start hassling Carter to get ready for bed, and some nights that little bit of downtime has a purpose--paying bills, signing Carter up for his summer camp, cleaning up messes around the house, etc.  I've decided that between Jacob's schedule (which means Carter is my responsibility) and Carter's two nights of soccer, plus my usual cooking and cleaning responsibilities, it's no wonder I haven't found the time or energy to work out since Jacob came out of quarantine in the basement.  But beyond that, I haven't even gone for a bike ride or to test out my nagging hamstring issue with even a mile runc (until today, anyway).  It's finding the time at the same time I have enough energy to get ready to do something, often when I don't need to be with Carter or prompt him to do something, and then actually doing it.  It's been really hard to have all of those stars align.  

It got so bad last week that I stopped myself at 9:30pm to take this picture of a rose outside Wegmans because it looked so pretty with the rain droplets and I needed to find the beauty in something.

I had ordered some faux stone plastic edging for our back flower bed that has a problem with migrating mulch, and it sat there all week waiting for me to have time.  It had been a damp week and I knew the plastic would need damp soil to push in properly, so I stole an hour in between work and dinner (I think we were waiting for Jacob's practice to be over) to go out and do it one evening, which turned into an epic session of trying to scrape up the moss in that area, since it needed to go to help the edging fit properly.  Still more work to do, but it's progress!

I wish I trusted myself with a power washer!

 

I caught this picture while I was working on it...

 

Later that evening it poured, and I caught this while I was working on dinner.  I suppose I needed to see it in the midst of that crazy week.

Things got no better over the weekend because I had to work reunion weekend and Jacob had a tournament in Buffalo.  We decided that the boys would go on Saturday morning and I'd drive in after my Saturday shift so we could all stay at my parents' and I could go to Sunday's games.  But first, I had a long day Friday and an early morning Saturday.  I started work around 9am at home Friday and left for campus at 12:30.  I worked a registration shift (this one wasn't very busy so it was a lot of standing around) for five hours.  I finally got a dinner break and checked out the reunion welcome dinner, which was trying to recreate the "Boar's Head Dinner" tradition that lots of alumni remember.  We questioned how much this ice sculpture actually looked like a pig or boar, but it was interesting! 

I have to say, I've seen a lot of very nice tents over all of my reunion weekends, but this one may have been the fanciest.  It looked so nice with greenery on the tables and fancy light fixtures!  And the food was pretty awesome, too.

I hung out with some colleagues for a while as they distributed hats to donors, and finally made my way back to my next shift, a comedy show.  It was a lovely evening on the quad as I walked.

I.M. Pei designed this building, and the sight of Rush Rhees out the window is picture perfect.

The show was actually pretty funny considering the comedian was just a reunioning alumna.  I have to say that as much as I didn't like the late nights or extra work hours, working reunions is fun because it's nice to see colleagues I don't see much and meet ones I don't know.  It was nice pre-COVID but it feels extra important now that we're not even in our building most of the time.  I had some really great conversations with people I'd normally not interact with, and one in particular was really impactful on a personal level.  Not to mention that in my job most of my interactions with alumni are with unhappy people, and it's nice to see a bunch of happy ones at events like this.  So even if I was tired, hanging out with colleagues eating leftover pretzel bites at 10pm felt worth it.  

I took this picture of the library on my way back to my car.  Always lovely.

I had to be back on campus first thing the next morning.  I left my house a little after 6:30 (with just enough time to get caffeine and a breakfast sandwich en route) for my 7am registration setup shift.  It was another long five hours of standing around, but again, the colleague conversations made it tolerable.  I had to repeat caffeine by late morning, though.  After my shift, I picked a food truck on the quad for lunch, ate my food, and took a quick walk around the campus since it was such a gorgeous day.

During most reunion weekends, people are all over these letters.  I guess not many people headed up this way that day, because I had them all to myself!

I went home, did a couple things in the yard while the weather was okay, and then headed to Buffalo.  I got there in time for dinner, which ended up being a very fancy surf and turf meal!  My parents were "tickled" to hear after Valentine's Day that the boys both love lobster (and they already knew Carter loves filet) so they had been planning for a while to give us a surf and turf dinner.  It was almost on Easter but our schedules didn't work out and I guess once they knew we'd be there for this weekend, they decided that was the day!  

Jacob had a good day, playing a couple games for each of his teams--the 8th and 9th grade teams.  It was a little crazy going between two venues, but he did well.  My parents got to see him play a bit, too.  Dinner was absolutely delicious, and my mom and I took a nice walk after dinner.  Everyone went down relatively early, thank goodness.

Back up bright and early the next morning.  Carter and I drove separately (no sense going all the way back to get my car or leaving a half hour ahead) and grabbed more caffeine for me and a quick breakfast snack for him, and made it just as Jacob's game was starting.  He played so well in the first two 8th grade games, and they built up a big enough lead in the championship that the group that also plays on the 9th grade team was able to leave to prep for the next game and be confident they'd win, which they did!  One championship down!  That was nice redemption after the last tough tournament loss.

The next game was a 9th grade semi-final.  Both sets of grandparents arrived for that one, and while Jacob didn't play a lot, he did play and did well.  His team gutted out a good win and it was off to the championship...again!

He didn't play much in the championship game, but we didn't mind much because it was an incredible game.  Each team had about a ten point lead at different points in the game.  Jacob's team made a nice comeback near the end, and one of his teammates sunk a three to take the lead without much time left.  But the other team got a foul shot right after, and it looked scary for a second but the shot bounced off the rim and hit the supports, which made it an automatic miss.  That pretty much clinched the game, and his team won!  I don't think my heart stopped pounding for about 20 minutes!  It was such a great ending, and both parents and players were thrilled!

All four teams that ICC had in the tournament won--two younger teams plus Jacob's two teams.  Three of the four ended up at a nearby Dairy Queen after, which was probably NOT how those two teenage girls working there wanted to spend their afternoon, but slowly but surely they worked through the chaos.  

After that, we drove to the park and ride lot to leave my car so we could all drive to Craig's parents' house together and spend a little more time with them.  We had pizza there, which was the delicious but somewhat painful cap on a rough day of eating (following a couple other rough days of eating).  Then it was back to the park and ride to drive home separately for the last hour or so.  I caught this gorgeous sunset on the way.  It doesn't really do it justice--I took it mostly blindly while driving 67mph, after all--but if you look close, the clouds on the horizon were really cool.

Monday was predictably rough.  In fact, most of the week was pretty tough, although I finally had my boss back after a week of COVID and an extra vacation day for a post-quarantine trip she'd already had planned.  It was good to get some things sorted out but focus was not my strong suit all week.  I had great intentions of starting my workouts again this week, too--mostly due to the horrible eating last week--but the busyness got the best of me until Thursday night, when I did it during the only time I had--before dinner while waiting for Craig and Jacob to get home.  I ended up taking a mental health day today because I felt like I had too many things to catch up on, and a four-day weekend sounded good...necessary even.  Especially since Jacob's birthday is Monday and I had nothing done--mostly because he refused to give us a list until today.  I don't even know if we're going to have a party because he doesn't want one.  He's been hurt by family not showing up in the past, so I think he just doesn't want that to happen again.  It's sad.  I bought stuff to do a cake today.  It may not be a fancy one, but we'll see what I can pull off.  

I started off the day with my first run since October.  It was slow but my hamstring didn't bother me too much, which was encouraging.  I made it through a mile running and then did intervals for the second mile.  It was hard but felt really good in the end.  Seeing as it was on the heels of my first workout in probably a couple months, I am now quite sore, but I'm glad I did it.  Now to keep it up.  

After lunch I went out to run errands and didn't end up getting back home until after 5:30!  I ran to Aldi (two returns and a few new things), dropped off a few books at the library (we were supposed to drop them off Tuesday but ended up renewing online after a busy night, and I wanted to get the ones we were done with back since I was nearby), then went to Kohl's.  I had a few things I wanted to look for, which took forever given the bountiful clearance racks (I ended up with three tops for about $10), plus I needed to look for something for Jacob, which I got.  Then I stopped at Walmart to pick up a few more things, and then Target because we needed a gift card for the party Carter is going to.  I picked Carter up from the after school program, then stopped at Dollar Tree because we needed a bunch of cards, some of which I wanted his feedback in picking out.  We finally came home and had dinner, and then the boys played some baseball outside while I tried to blog and had a glass of wine.  I'm officially tired!

Tomorrow morning Craig and Jacob leave first thing, and then Carter and I will have a busy day of our own--soccer practice, soccer pictures, and a birthday party.  The weather isn't great for a pool party--mid-60s and windy--but tween boys tend to make the best of things so I'm sure they'll make it work.  He's known the friend since Kindergarten, and while they were technically in the same class again last year, they were in a different cohort so they only got to see each other near the end of the year.  I'm sad to miss Jacob's tournament, but soccer pictures and the party seemed important enough to stay for.  I'm just sad to be missing the Holiday Inn Express breakfast for the second straight trip!  Hopefully we can make the best of it, though, and I have plenty to be doing at home.  Hard to believe Carter only has a day and a half left of school.  Summer is upon us and I already feel a bit behind, but we'll see what we can do...

What Would Have Been

I went into the office on Wednesday and had this random thought as I drove: What would our lives be like if the pandemic hadn't interrupted them?  Obviously we'd have no masks or serious concerns about crowds.  We'd likely still have a few friends and family members that were lost.  Craig's past season would have been considerably less stressful.  But there were so many other things that changed, either temporarily or permanently, and I couldn't help but wonder what trajectory we were on in various areas of life that got derailed or completely rerouted.  

For example, at the time we were trying to schedule a Disney trip.  More than two years later, we're still trying to schedule that Disney trip--and still having nerves about it.  But if we had gone on that trip, what other adventure might we be on to now?  That lost time bugs me, especially as I count down the very few years we have with two kids under our roof.

Another one that popped into my head was that Jacob was set to play on a different AAU travel team that spring, and that never happened, nor did that team materialize again after things opened back up.  What kind of friendships or connections might he have made that spring that could have changed his current situation now?  The same goes for us as parents--sometimes all that travel bonds you. 

When I first started working from home, I hated it--and no wonder, since I had two kids and a husband around and it was hard to focus on anything.  It got better once the kids were back in school--a little bit with Jacob going back fully the following fall, and then significantly more when Carter went back four days a week in April last year--but it's been a total life shift for me, especially because our office hasn't managed to stay in person for more than a couple months straight, and even that was hybrid.  I don't mind working in the office, but admittedly there are perks to being at home.  But I worry about work relationships (especially as our Slack channel grows quieter) and I wonder how it will be when we have to go back, even part-time, after over two years mostly at home.  We've all grown used to the flexibility and the more casual feel of our work lives, and all of a sudden this seems like another mental health battle we might have to fight down the road if it all changes again.  But had the pandemic never happened, we wouldn't know any different than what we'd been doing for our entire careers.  But would that be a different mental health crisis waiting to happen?  Who knows?  Sometimes I felt a little overwhelmed by an infinite future of work day after day after day for decades more.  This definitely changed that trajectory.  Despite it being for a stressful reason in a stressful time, that change wasn't entirely bad.  I almost wish I would have been able to appreciate the positives more, but that was hard since they were shrouded in the unknown, fear of illness, ADHD battles, and more stresses.  I look back on two summers ago when I had five weeks of furlough.  I was lucky enough not to take a financial hit from it, and those weeks were a breath of fresh air.  It was the most free time I'd had probably since college, and I truly appreciated the time to work on my yard, play with flowers, and swim with the kids. Of course, the dark side of that is that each year when summer comes along, I long for that free time.  In the midst of endless yard projects, I wonder how the heck I had the time and energy to do what I did that summer, and then I remember, oh yeah...I had 200 more hours of free time and nowhere to go!  Stresses aside, I think that time refreshed me a bit for the long run, even if it didn't feel much like it when the stress eventually overshadowed things again.  

I wonder, too, how many employment changes wouldn't have happened without this giant life disruption.  My department almost inexplicably stayed intact for a long time prior to and for the first year and a half of the pandemic.  In a line of work that historically has a ton of movement, we were an oddball.  But suddenly late last summer we had two people jump ship.  Then two more in the fall.  Then another one early this year.  Within a six month span, our solid team was almost half its former self.  One never got replaced and the position shifted to a different spot.  Another position split and one of those spots is still open.  One is finally filled but the person hasn't started yet.  More than likely the pandemic impacted how quickly the hiring happened, too, and we've had a whole host of other pandemic challenges in the meantime.  Still, it begs the question - did the pandemic delay the inevitable changes, or did it make them worse when everyone took stock of their priorities?

I think about my kids' school experiences and how their friendships might be different with more time in the classroom.  Carter barely knew half of his 2nd grade class because they only had a couple months' worth of school days together in person.  And I'm sad he lost three months with his first grade teacher, who was Jacob's favorite, and I wonder if Carter would have liked her more if he had a little more time.  On the other hand, maybe his ADHD got diagnosed sooner than it would have since the pandemic not only brought out the symptoms more strongly (probably due to too much screen time), but also gave us a front row seat for them as we tried (with great difficulty) to do school with him.  Perhaps we sought out treatment sooner because of that, which made his wonderful third grade year possible.  But I know the social and emotional difficulties we went through were damaging in their own way, and while we've made a nice recovery, I wonder if there are any lasting effects.  Jacob's experiences were better, other than the end of sixth grade being a loss, but he lost most of a basketball season and some other experiences weren't what they should have been, like the 8th grade trip he never got to go on.  And who knows if the pandemic held some blame in the JV team debacle this winter that changed his entire trajectory for school and basketball.  By the way, we found out today he definitely cannot stay at his old school, so at least that's settled.  Whew.  But for both kids, what might they have learned that they didn't?  How far behind might they actually be compared to what they would have been without a pandemic?  How would their experiences have been different or impacted where they are today?

I can even look at hobbies and habits, which have ebbed and flowed greatly over the last two years.  The pandemic forced some bad habits, started some good ones, and has constantly impacted how those have changed over the years.  For some people a bad habit got bad enough that they had to change it, which started a more positive habit.  Some bad habits (::cough:: screen time ::cough::) have become more permanent bad habits.  I know I've gone from lots of porch time with a book to just settling for indoor downtime with my phone, and I'm not even sure why.  My snacking is a problem, especially working at home all day.  When certain healthier foods aren't available or aren't the only thing in my lunch bag, sometimes I settle for less healthy ones.  That wouldn't be such a problem if working out hadn't been such a roller coaster.  For a while I was good about it, but I have constantly gone back and forth due to illness, tiredness, busyness, and finally COVID-positive people occupying my workout space.  It's been a rough spring in particular.  But we wouldn't have the elaborate home gym setup in our basement had it not been for the pandemic closing gyms just as Craig hit his goal weight.  Even things like streaming TV have become more of a thing in our house because of all the downtime we had early on.  Family game night might have crashed and burned, but certain habits just never went away.

I could go on, but suffice it to say I just wonder how our alternate reality would look had this all never happened.  You can say it's pointless to wonder since it's a moot point and we'll never know, but I sort of wonder if we should be looking at where we were originally headed and try to set certain goals as a result.  Can we play catch-up?  Can we aim to get back on track to certain targets or situations?  Just because the pandemic threw us off course, it doesn't mean we need to stay there.  I mean, I'll be real, I barely have the mental energy to do the things I have to do most days, let alone go above and beyond, but it's still food for thought.  

I never would have imagined so much of this would be our life, but here we are.  We're getting through, but it has seriously been a one-day-at-a-time process.  And so it continues to be...

Moving Up...Sort of.

Holiday weeks are weird.  On one hand they tend to go fast because you only have four days to get everything done, and when you have sports or work deadlines, it definitely fills the days.  But on the other hand, you feel like it should be a short week and in the midst of it there are moments that seem to drag and make you doubt that it really is short.

Tuesday was rough because of the holiday weekend hangover.  I tried to perk myself up with a walk in the beautiful weather checking out my plants.  I did my own hanging baskets this year (partly because pre-made ones are expensive, partly because I had two old baskets that matched, and partly because there are so many fun flowers out there!), and I'm really liking how they turned out!

My zinnia addiction is back in full force, but I added a few others randoms this year.  They're coming along and I can't wait to see what they do!
 

My crazy rhododendrons are still gigantic.  I'm not sure they're in the best of health under all those blossoms, but they are just incredible while they last.  

I don't quite know what will become of our landscaping in the coming months.  One of our front evergreens died out of the blue, and it will look weird to just get rid of one of the four.  So while we're at it I'd like to remove the giant groupings on each side of the house that are too big to trim, but does that mean we have to remove every mature bush?  I like our burning bushes, and the variegated weigela and miniature lilacs are overgrown but nice.  A lot of stuff battles fungus infections regularly, but they hang in there.  I guess we'll see what we can afford and what we can salvage.  But the rhododendrons probably aren't going anywhere if I can help it!

Wednesday was exciting because I had a work event for the first time in a while.  We were meeting at the Memorial Art Gallery for a docent-led tour and then going out for happy hour.  I love going to the gallery and hadn't been there in a while, not since Carter and I went for the Warhol exhibit.  I had been meaning to go because there was a special exhibit of AIDS public health posters (sponsored by one of the units I support at work, the libraries), but just hadn't gotten there yet.  It's always interesting to get a formal tour because you learn a lot and they're all different.  I'm not sure if I'd ever seen this piece before, but believe it or not, it's not a piece of a tree, but rather stoneware!

This was a part of the AIDS exhibit, and it told the story of the poster collection.  A doctor was sitting on a subway and noticed an AIDS poster (as shown below) featuring a condom.  Apparently when he was in medical school, contraception was taboo, so he found it fascinating it was so openly promoted on the poster.  As a result, he started collecting them.  

He collected over 8,000 posters, and the library is continuing his collection after his death.  It was a stark reminder of the fears and messages that swirled through the 80s and 90s.  I loved this one that echoed the "not my problem" attitudes that evolved as it became clear AIDS was a broader societal issue.
  

In case you can't read it at the bottom, by the bottom it includes such common groups as New Yorkers, police officers, teachers, and eventually the broadest of all, human beings.

In the midst of many somber posters, this one made me laugh out loud!

"Unless you're built like this, you should be using condoms."

Happy hour at a Mexican place across the street was lovely, although thank goodness we were on a covered patio since it poured most of the time we were there.  On the bright side, Carter's soccer game got canceled.  I say bright side because he couldn't go anyway since Jacob had his 8th grade moving up ceremony that night and he would have had to miss it anyway since Craig had work commitments that prevented us from dividing and conquering--not that we might have anyway since we both felt it was important to be there.

It was also awards night, and much like his fifth grade ceremony, we were a little disappointed that Jacob didn't win anything.  Then as now I feel like it's a case of him just not working up to his potential.  His grades have been pretty consistently decent (except last quarter where he dipped a bit) but it's possible they just weren't as high in any given subject as other kids.  And I think teachers know which kids have potential and aren't using it, and obviously they'd never want to reward that.  It was a bit of a bummer but not particularly unexpected.

Getting his 8th grade certificate

The whole class

This all felt a little weird, obviously, because Jacob isn't staying at the school and isn't going to be a member of the Class of 2026.  He'll be at a new school in the fall, will still be in 8th grade, and will graduate in 2027.  I'm still not thrilled with the idea but we're in it now and trying to embrace what we can, with him making connections with his future teammates.  

They had a reception afterward and it was fun seeing him take pictures with his classmates (and one unexpected teacher)!

Thursday was a bit of an odd day.  Jacob had a final project that he was really struggling with, and he requested to stay home from school to work on it.  It was only Field Day, so he wasn't missing anything.  And he was leaving the school anyway, so what would they do to him for skipping?  Well, he worked on it all day, and still didn't finish.  He took a break in the evening for some basketball (we figured it was needed by then), but didn't end up going to bed until 2:30am, which also meant we didn't go to bed until then.  Well, I was in bed but obviously couldn't sleep worrying about them arguing about it and wanting them to finish up.  Craig was up even later in part because he was looking up things to send him that might help with the remaining sections, because even at 2:30 it wasn't done and he needed to fill his free periods the next day (classes were basically done) with finishing it up.  In the end we decided he probably misunderstood what he had to do.  He thought he needed to summarize everything he learned about the history of each decade from 1840 on, but we think he probably just needed to pick one event per decade and maybe try to relate things back to those events.  Oops.  But he did finish it in time, and is now officially done with 8th grade...round 1, anyway.

For reference, here's his first day of school ever...

And his first day of middle school...

When we started the middle school era and I pondered seven years of that commute, I can't say I loved the thought.  It was a full 50 minutes in the car for me each morning, up by 6am and out the door by 7:30.  But we adjusted, and I even grew to appreciate the time it gave us to talk, but then COVID hit and he was home for months, and after that we ended up splitting drop-off most of the time.  The drive did start to wear on me when we were doing it more for basketball, but it was definitely bittersweet watching him walk in that entrance for the last time.     

Next year will probably feel a lot less grand since the school is smaller and he'll be walking in amongst Kindergartners, but at least the drop-off (if needed, the bus should be a more reasonable time) will only be under 10 minutes to school and 10 more to work.  But first, a long summer of having a teenage work buddy.

Of course, in the midst of writing this post, Craig had a conversation with the varsity basketball coach at his old school, who indicated that if Jacob really wanted to stay, he could make that happen.  We're unclear on how that's possible since both the school president and athletic director said it wasn't an option.  But of course that opened a whole new can of worms.  Then the old school's assistant varsity coach saw Jacob play over the weekend (more on that in a second) and was not only impressed with his play but confused why he was reprimanded on a couple different plays where he actually did the right thing.  Now he wants Jacob to play for his summer team, which is an even older age group than the one he's played in all spring.  But in the midst of all that, there's question marks about players who might be transferring into either school and how they could impact his playing time.  Obviously we want to do what's best for him, but when you can't really control those unknowns, it's almost impossible to know what that is.  

It's literally torture for me to think about de-enrolling him from the new school and going back to the old one.  Admittedly I was looking forward to easier uniforms and the shorter commute, and he did nothing but complain about the old one for the last six months.  I also wonder how he'll look going through all of this and then changing his mind--not just to the school, but to the coach he's played for this spring that's an assistant at the new school.  I don't like burning bridges and there's a whole host of questionable parenting things here that I don't feel like potentially being judged on.  I feel like we're just chasing the shiny new thing and if we let this happen, it sets an unfortunate precedent.  Not to mention that if he has to transfer again, it will start impacting his eligibility to play.  I was just finally accepting all of this and now we might be back to square one.  I should know that nothing ever comes easily with Jacob, and I should probably just prepare for more of this since he's always a "grass is greener" kid.  If he gets his way he'll be going to a prep school in three years anyway, so I should probably just practice dealing with the chaos now.  

As I mentioned, he played in a tournament over the weekend.  This time it was in Syracuse, and he was playing down for the 8th grade team in the same organization he's been playing for this year.  Some of his younger teammates also played, and his coach was the assistant.  The head coach is one he had last year, a former NBA player, and he liked him a lot.  His first day was pretty successful--he scored 14 points across two games.  It was nice to see him get some playing time for a change and looking a bit more comfortable out there.  The team won their first game, but lost their lead in the final seconds of the second one.  Jacob even got trusted to take the potential winning shot and should have been fouled, but apparently the ref didn't call it because he used a move that's illegal in the NBA (because players did it knowing it would always be a foul), but is still technically legal at this level.  That was a bummer...and pretty frustrating.

We had a huge break in between games so we decided to drive down to the Syracuse University campus after our late lunch.  Craig went there and it had been a while since we visited (Jacob was only 6!).  As we approached and started seeing signs for "Dome Parking", we started getting a hunch that the hotel issues we'd been having were related to whatever event was happening at Syracuse's stadium.  With gas prices as high as they were, it seemed like getting a hotel would be about equal to what we'd spend on two trips' worth of gas, but when we searched, there were only a few hotels available, and what was there was insanely expensive.  Like, the crap hotel that's usually about $75 was over $300!  We searched all of the surrounding areas--both casinos, Watertown, Oswego, Cortland, Ithaca, Auburn--and there was next to nothing.  Obviously something was going on.  Sure enough, Paul McCartney was in town!  As we approached the campus, all of the lots were $30, and everywhere was jammed with people.  We tried the athletic facilities, but their lots were blocked off for shuttle parking.  So, all we could do was a drive-by!  Carter and I killed the rest of the break with a stop at Aldi and the gas station.  I found what I was looking for at Aldi--a cushioned stadium seat, which I immediately brought in for the second game.  Of course, I got it in red for his new school, which I am now regretting.

We got home around dark Saturday and were back on the road again around 11 the next morning.  This time we were at a different facility.  Game one was a solid win, and Jacob had six points.  He got two threes and perked up the coach's wife, who liked the thought of adding that kind of shooting to the school team!  The second game was against the same team that beat them the previous day, and it was another close one.  Unfortunately, it also happened to be the worst shooting we've ever seen.  I can't even tell you how many easy layups or other no-brainer shots they missed.  Jacob was like 0-5 from three and missed a couple easy-ish floaters.  But he was far from alone--everyone was blowing makeable shots.  We were just at a loss.  As time ticked down, Jacob drew a foul and made both his shots to pull us within two.  His teammate (the only one who seemed to make any shots down the stretch--but was far from his normal self) came in for a layup in the last seconds.  He missed it, but not only should he likely have gotten fouled, but he also got called for a non-existent travel, which ended the game.  It was so sad to lose the championship that way, especially since there were so many makeable shots and we really should have had a solid lead had we made even a few of them.  It was a tough way to end the day.

So, as I mentioned, this week has already been a bit challenging.  Between the school thing and having Jacob home, I also have had one super busy evening that included a very wet soccer practice, and today featured a work day full of interruptions.  In addition, my boss came down with COVID, which worries me and also left me with a whole ton of unexpected work.  I'm happy to do it to let her recover, but the first two days of this week have already been...a lot.  So, amidst all this chaos, I guess I will leave you with a peaceful image for now.  I snapped this picture of a gorgeous peony outside the basketball venue on Sunday.  Pretty perfect, no?