Moose Valuable Player

Craig and I have always been moose people.  He gave me a stuffed one when I got my wisdom teeth out (he drove all the way to N.T. to give it to me...awwwww!), and that was the first in a long line of stuffed moose that have come into our home.  We got a few from the store Harry & David; a few more from Craig's road trips to Canada, Minnesota, and Colorado; more from our time at the Amerks, whose mascot is a moose; and many more.  When Jacob arrived, it provided an extra opportunity to stock our house with moose, and he's amassed quite a collection in his own right.

I was delighted to discover during his first fall and winter that kids' clothing companies like to put moose on clothing during that time of year.  I delighted in finding moose clothes on sale and stocking his wardrobe with them.  One of my favorites was an outfit sporting a moose with a football that said, "Moose Valuable Player".  Moose AND sports?  What could be better for our child?!

At some point shortly thereafter I was shopping the clearance rack at Babies 'R' Us and found the same shirt (minus the matching pants) in a 48 months size.  And yes, that size seemed weird to me too.  Anyway, I couldn't resist, so I bought it.  At the time I never really pictured what Jacob would be like at four, and it turns out that he was much too cool for a baby blue shirt featuring a cartoonish moose.  At one point I hoped it might make for a cute big brother-little brother shot, but then the age difference seemed to make that impossible.  So, it's hung in the closet for months collecting dust.  

Yesterday Carter put on the original outfit.  Jacob was a little older when he wore it.  My favorite pictures of him in it were taken just before he turned three months old.  Carter turns two months on Monday (eight weeks as of last night!), but he's just starting to fit into it.  I was actually afraid he'd never wear it, because it was one of the outfits with the worst yellow staining when I pulled out the baby clothes, and it was actually one of the ones that didn't totally come clean, but it got very close.  There's still a little discoloration near the neck, but you'd never know unless you studied it.  So, that makes it a perfect daycare outfit.  "Adorable but imperfect" is good for a place with many potential hours for stains to set!  

Last night when it was just the boys and me at home, I got the bright idea to bring out the big shirt and make a photo op.  So...first, here's Jacob's before and after...

And here's Carter...

And here are the boys together...as close as I will get to a big brother-little brother shoot.  The shirt is getting very small on Jacob now...

And because we're all wondering...here's the comparison of baby Jacob and Carter...

It's a little hard to compare them exactly, since Carter is a month younger here (and a significant month at that...he's going to lose a lot of his newborn-ness in the next month.  He's lost so much already!).  Jacob was a little more aware of the camera, and the coloring and angle are a little different.  I feel like there is some sort of similarity between them, and yet I don't think they look that much alike.  I just can't pinpoint where the similarities and differences really are, beyond Carter's darker coloring.  I just looked at pictures of the two of them from the same age, and it's still hard to tell.  I have to keep in mind that Jacob was born a week and a half later than Carter was, so he probably will look like a littler baby for a while.  I'm definitely experiencing that now, since the pictures I was looking at of Jacob were full of some of his first great smiles, whereas Carter is just starting to do real ones, and most of the time they're not in response to anything specific.  I did get a good one last night that seemed to be in direct response to something I did, but at this point the odds of me getting one on camera are about nil.  By this time with Jacob it was a little easier, and I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with their different ages based on their gestational age at birth.  Give Carter another week and a half and we should be getting somewhere :)

Anyway, I was so happy I got to do this mini-shoot.  Perhaps I'll have to do it again next month so I have three month shots of both boys.  But for now, this was really fun to see!

The Pacifier

I have never been a fan of the pacifier.  In fact, when I walked into the special care nursery the day Jacob was born and saw one in his little bassinet, I was slightly distressed.  How dare they use one of those without my permission?  I had visions of the agony of getting him to give up the habit a couple years down the road.  After my initial rage, sensibility prevailed and of course I realized that with all those other babies in the room, they might need a tool to keep mine quiet when he was freaking out.  After all, it took me a while to get down to the nursery to feed him and how awful it would be to have him crying that whole time. 

We took that one home and had a couple others sitting around the house for a while, but all told, I think Jacob only used one a handful of times.  I just never wanted to get him hooked, and he never really took to it anyway.  Problem solved.  And you know, I thanked my lucky stars for that.  I mean, sure, it would have been nice to have a mute button for him once in a while, but a short term screaming baby scared me a heck of a lot less than the drawn-out, angst-filled process of getting a too-old child to give up something they were dependent on.  I'd heard too many horror stories and seen far too many three-year-olds running around with pacifiers in their mouths for no apparent reason to think that giving one up would be easy.  I didn't want that to be us.

In the five years between babies, I've gotten more into reading blogs and I've gained a lot of knowledge on the subject.  I've seen a lot of stories about the paci-fairy that takes pacifiers in the night and leaves presents.  I've seen people talk about attaching them to a balloon to float off to heaven.  I've seen where people leave them for Santa or the Easter bunny.  And in most cases, parents deal with a couple nights of screaming kids and then all is right with the world again.  Not fun, but  doable.  And, to be fair, it beats the thought of having to break a kid of a finger-sucking habit. You can take away a pacifier, but you can't take away fingers.  I sucked two fingers when I was a kid, and I still vaguely remember having to break the habit, courtesy of some nasty tasting stuff my parents put on my fingers.  Annoying, for sure, but I'm obviously glad they did it and I came out unscathed.

Interestingly, in the last few months we've noticed that Jacob has picked up a nasty habit of sticking his fingers in his mouth.  I don't think he's sucking or chewing, but he's constantly got one or two in there.  I think it's a nervous habit (particularly when he's upset or knows he's in trouble (even if knowing he's in trouble isn't upsetting to him), though we do catch him doing it at non-nervous moments, too, so maybe it's just becoming a general habit.  We're constantly reminding him, as nicely as we can, to get his fingers out of his mouth.  We remind him that when his fingers are in there, he's taking in germs.  And, appropriately, he's spent most of the winter with a cold.  Yippee.  It's gotten bad enough that I'm considering getting some of the nasty tasting stuff, though I haven't been able to figure out what you're supposed to use or where to get it, and most of the time I'm at the store with one or both kids so I don't want to take the time to browse.  Perhaps a question for the pediatrician next time we're there.  I feel bad about the whole thing, because I worry we've somehow created a nervous kid and that we're going to scar him by constantly bugging him about the habit.  It's for his own good, but at this point we're not sure what to do with it.  Will he outgrow it?  Maybe.  But he wouldn't be the first kid to take some sort of weird habit to school with him.  It's not super noticeable, I suppose, but it definitely bugs us now.

When Carter arrived, I wasn't sure what our pacifier philosophy would be.  Another thing I've learned in between the two kids is that sucking is a soothing mechanism for babies.  I suppose maybe I knew that before, but perhaps I didn't really understand the true biological impact.  When we were at the hospital this time, there weren't any pacifiers in sight.  I'm wondering if that's because I was breastfeeding, because I saw an article talking about how some hospitals took out pacifiers in an attempt to encourage breastfeeding (though ironically, breastfeeding rates went down!).  In retrospect, a pacifier might have helped me that night when I was alone and couldn't stay awake to feed Carter for the umpteenth time.  I just never thought to ask for one.  When we first got home I wasn't that eager to pull them out.  But one night I got them out when Carter was crying and for whatever reason I couldn't get him to stop.  Maybe he was acting hungry yet again, or maybe I had to do something else and couldn't pick him up.  Either way, I tried it.  He didn't love it at first, but at some point he sort of picked up on it. 

As time has gone on, we've used them more than I expected.  He gets fussy in the evenings, and in the old days I'd just have whipped out a boob and let him go, but the formula costs too much to do a "just in case" bottle that he may not finish.  So, instead I give him a pacifier and hope that helps him out for a bit.  I figure it'll either calm him down for real, or satisfy him long enough to get through what I have to before I can attend to him further.  When you've got another kid or a dinner to get on the table (or get into your stomach), it's definitely helpful.  He spits it out a lot, but readily accepts it again most of the time, so it tends to be less low-maintenance than one would hope, but it's better than screaming!  We didn't need it as much when there was just one baby and our lives were a little more flexible, but things are different now.  And I think that Carter just likes to suck.  I read somewhere that reflux can be soothed by it, so maybe that's where it all started.  It definitely seems to have a calming effect on him.  And not for nothing, but sometimes he gets the most exaggerated suck going and he totally reminds me of Maggie Simpson!

The plan at this point is to use them only when necessary.  I don't want to use it any other time than when he's in immediate need of calming.  And once he's calm, it's gone.  And once he hits six months or so, I think they'll be totally gone.  I hope, anyway.  My goal is to minimize use enough that he doesn't get dependent, and to never have him sitting around playing contentedly with one in his mouth.  Because if he's content, he doesn't need it.  But in the meantime, I've made peace with using one now and then to calm down a little boy who sometimes seems to need it.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt that he got some fun ones from my friend Heather...soccer balls for now, and basketballs when he's a little bigger...

Consider this one of the very few times you will ever see a picture of one in his mouth...and this was pretty much just for show.  He was a little fussy, but obviously I was available to pick him up right after I took this picture.  Once he's smiling regularly, I don't want to risk one of those smiles hiding behind one of these!

Just seeing the picture above definitely confirms I'd rather see his entire face, but again, perhaps it's better than a lot of screaming.  I'm just happy I've made peace with it and have a solid philosophy about its use.  I don't want to mindlessly stick one in his mouth and start relying on them too much, but I can appreciate that each child is different and perhaps Carter needs one now and then.  And that's okay.

Things I Haven't Figured Out Yet

We're nearly two months into this baby thing again, and there are a handful of things I have yet to figure out:

1) How we can put a man on the moon but can't create formula powder that won't clump when added to water.  Those clumps, mind you, are industrial strength, so perhaps they should be used as some sort of industrial adhesive. Smushing blobs with a baby spoon is not how I want to spend five minutes of my morning.  On a related note, I find it very frustrating that this special formula is so much more expensive.  It can't cost THAT much more to make and I think it's crappy to penalize people who can't help the fact that their kid can't handle the regular stuff.  I know everyone's out to make a buck, but it seems so unfair.  I felt the same way during the dairy-free week about all those specialty foods.  Why do they have to cost so much more when many people have no choice but to use them?  It just adds insult to injury.  Oh, and one more thing...Why is it so hard to find the formula we need?  We found it in a couple places in the smaller can, but the big can is MIA at both Walmart and Target. I ordered four online last night, but we're probably going to need some before those arrive.  Annoying, mostly because you can't use coupons when you're ordering online.  Grrrr.

2) When my body is going to be itself again.  I know that I have to get back in the gym in order to get back into all of my old clothes, but there are still a couple other things that aren't quite back to normal.  Last Tuesday I woke up and felt nearly normal for the first time in months.  My chest had finally started to chill out and not have engorgement issues, and I was able to wear a normal bra for the first time.  My little chest is back, but I am still having odd sensations periodically, and I can't figure out if the "insides" are still adjusting, or if the skin is still a bit sensitive after all that trauma and the sensations I'm feeling are caused by rubbing against the bra fabric.  It could be both.  I'll miss the cleavage, but I'm much happier with how things fit otherwise.  Still, it would be nice to feel entirely like myself again.  And this belly can get out of here ASAP.

3) What Jacob really thinks of his little brother.  He seems completely uninterested at home, but whenever people ask him about being a big brother he acts like he's into it.  Daycare people have even used the term "excited" at times.  He's actually gone down to visit Carter in his new room at daycare this week.  I told him that his brother might like to hear his voice.  Who knows if that did it or if he's just been encouraged by everyone there to do it and felt he couldn't say no.  I know his bigger beef is with us most of the time (or rather, me), but it's hard to tell what's running through that head of his.

4) How to calm Carter.  I haven't stumbled upon a secret weapon for rocking him to sleep or calming his crying.  When he's hungry or getting his diaper changed, he's inconsolable.  Even daycare was shocked by the diaper thing!  But there hasn't been some sort of position or rocking technique that seems to work for him.  Thankfully I haven't had to do much middle-of-the-night rocking yet, as he usually goes down content, if not asleep, but I know those days are probably coming.  But as of yet, I haven't found his sweet spot that calms him down immediately.  Darn.

5) What to do with him when he's awake.  When he's awake and content, I could just stare at him for hours.  He's got these gorgeous eyes and kissable cheeks, and sometimes he makes the most amazing noises.  I talk to him, kiss him, and let him grab my fingers, but he's still not responding too much so a lot of it feels...I don't know, forced?  Wasted?  I know that ultimately it's good for him to hear me talk, and I suppose the kisses, hugs, and other touches let him know he's loved...but sometimes I wonder if he's sitting there thinking, "Geez, could she just leave me alone?"  A couple times I've brought out soft rattles or an O-Ball (a hollow, holey ball toy) to see if he could grip them or respond to the rattle noises, but it didn't really seem to work.  He doesn't respond directly to smiles or tickles yet, either.  So, in the end I'm sitting there talking to myself and wondering if I'm bothering him more than anything.  But if I don't do those things, I feel like I'm ignoring him.  If I pick him up and cuddle him or put him in his swing or seat, I feel like that will make him go to sleep and I don't always want that to be how I "deal" with him.  At least when he's eating we have a real activity!  Suffice it to say I'm eager to get into the phase of grasping at toys and smiling at stimuli.  That makes entertaining him much easier! 

6) Where Carter's coloring came from.  Right after he was born, I asked where the Italian kid came from.  His hair was dark and his body was full of hair.  I know that babies have hair in utero, so I suppose it wasn't entirely a surprise, but I think the dark color of it surprised me.  He had hair on his forehead, sideburns, shoulders, back, legs, and even the back of his ears.  I fully expected it all to fall out within a few weeks (since he was early and babies generally lose that hair (lanugo) around the time they're born), but from what I can tell, most of it is still there.  Jacob's hair was lighter, and Craig and I both had lighter hair as kids, so I fully expected another fair child.  And not only did Carter have dark hair, but his skin was a bit darker.  Not that he looks like another race or anything, but he definitely seems a little more "tan" than we'd have expected from two pasty parents.  All I can figure is that the little patch of genes from my mom's side of the family (still fair skinned in general, but they tan well) somehow made its way out.  Beyond that I have no idea.  Many people have mentioned it and I'm at a loss.  I'll be really interested to see what happens as time goes by.

7) Whether or not Carter looks like Jacob, or either of us.  Initially I didn't think they looked anything alike.  I knew what Jacob looked like when he was born and didn't feel like Carter looked anything like that.  The coloring may have been part of that, but even still...he looked different.  I decided at that time that he looked more like Craig, since I didn't see any resemblance to what I looked like as a baby.  Perhaps I thought that about Jacob, too, but he certainly evolved to look a lot like me.  I'm less convinced Carter will.  In the meantime I spend a lot of time comparing pictures of Jacob when he was Carter's age to what Carter looks like now, and it's hard to tell.  Sometimes I see faces that look similar, but other pictures don't look alike at all.  It's hard to know what's genetics and what's just the baby phase. 

I'm sure there are more things, but these are the big ones that float through my mind most frequently.  Parenthood is full of little mysteries...

Day 1, Round 2

Today was my first day back to work in seven weeks.  It's one week shy of a full two months away.  In some ways it sounds like a long time--when I left it was the middle of winter and now it's spring (technically, anyway).  I was away for nearly 1/6 of the year.  But knowing that my Canadian counterparts get a full year off, the two months seems pretty paltry in comparison.  Still, I know that my absence was felt greatly, and while I know they're happy to have me back, things have already been a little too crazy for them to have a chance to express it!  I wasn't even here for three hours when the first day-long, miserably tedious, darn-near-impossible project came across my desk.  And I pretty much had no right to complain because they've had rather hellish weeks while I was gone.  Welcome back, eh?

The experience of coming back has been very different this time around, even though a lot of the scenarios surrounding it have been similar.  I guess the easiest way to describe it is that last time I was happy to get back to being "me", whereas this time it feels like I was far more at home in the mom role and this work thing is infringing on that.  I guess it makes sense, though.  Last time, prior to giving birth, working was my main identity.  So it makes sense that I'd feel like getting back to work would help me feel like myself again.  This time, while I still worked, I was already also a mom.  And perhaps having Carter tipped the scales a bit to where I felt even more like a mom, and work should clearly be secondary.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way in reality, and that's where the mom guilt starts to creep in.  Instinctively I feel like I should be with him, and work is getting in the way of that.  Perhaps I'm simply more aware this time of how hard the balance is, and I knew that the moment my maternity leave ended, my relationship with Carter would never be the same.  I have been with him nearly 24/7 for the last seven weeks, and I'm the one expert on everything having to do with him.  Now I'll be missing more than a third of his day and most of his waking hours.  In addition, in the little time I do have in the evenings, I'll be splitting time between two kids, in addition to dinner, bottlewashing, laundry, and oh yeah, Craig, too.  Don't even get me started on the guilt I'm already feeling about being gone part of the next two evenings for a workout and taxes.  Both are sorely needed, but it will be hard to spend even more time away. 

I think my eagerness to get back last time also had to do with the fact that Jacob wasn't the best napper and I was nursing around the clock.  I was exhausted.  I'm still the main feeder, but perhaps the nursing thing was a little more draining (more on that in another post).  And since the formula change, Carter has generally been a happier baby, with a couple exceptions, so my days have not always been a constant string of neediness.  I think I've probably taken more care to take care of myself, as well, and to be more aware of when I need a break.  I haven't needed a lot, but I think the mere fact that I'm less nervous about going out of the house helped me feel far less isolated this time around.  So where last time being able to go to the office offered a bit of a break from being all baby all the time, this time around I'm just sadder about leaving him behind and worried about losing the flexibility I had to get things done around the house.

Despite being sadder, the actual drop-off was probably far less traumatic this time around.  I was a little sad but didn't cry.  I know he's in good hands.  While I don't know the infant teachers well, I get a good vibe from them and trust everyone else there that I do know.  It's definitely a different drop-off experience from Jacob, since I pretty much just hang up his coat and bag and give him a hug.  I have to bring Carter's bottles, give the time of his last change and feeding, and just make sure he's got all he needs for the day.  I have never had to do that at this daycare, since Jacob was already 18 months when we started there, and it's just a different setup than the place he was at as an infant.  It's like starting all over.  Maybe this is just the second-time-around parent in me, too, but Carter didn't seem quite as tiny and helpless as I feel like Jacob did when I handed him over.  Maybe it's what I was talking about a couple weeks ago, about Carter having to mature earlier because of giving up nursing so early.  Not sure what it is, but for some reason it felt different.

Getting up this morning was a challenge, but it went fine.  I didn't get to bed until around 11:30 last night because I was trying to get everything ready for this morning.  Carter woke up around 3am and I was back to bed maybe 45 minutes later.  My alarm was set for 6am.  I snoozed for a bit, but finally got myself up and showered just before Carter woke up at 6:45.  I fed him, dealt with a blowout poop near the end of his feeding, got flashed a big smile when he was on the changing table, and then put him in the swing so I could get ready and get Jacob up and running.  I had to get all of his bottles together, pack my lunch, and load up the car.  I snuggled him while I talked to the teachers, and finally kissed him goodbye before heading off to give Jacob one last hug.  I got a good report during my lunchtime call, and work kept me plenty busy the rest of the day, though I thought about Carter often.  He ended up having a great day overall, though he went through a lot of clothes!  He seemed happy to see me, though, if he can seem happy without clear smiles.

Interestingly, out of curiosity I pulled up my blog post from Jacob's first day of daycare, and there were some bizarre similarities.  Jacob was apparently on the same type of schedule that Carter is now.  He fell asleep around 9:30 and woke up at 3:45, which is within a half hour or so of what Carter has been doing lately.  That made me hopeful that Carter might follow in Jacob's sleeping-through-the-night-at-10-weeks footsteps!  Fingers crossed.  The other bizarre similarity is that Jacob had a blowout during his feeding that morning, too!  Carter's only done that during feedings a couple times, and never during his morning feeding, so the fact that it happened this morning was surprising.  But to read that Jacob did it on his first day of daycare, too...well, that was sort of freaky.  In contrast, though, Carter is already a formula and bottlefeeding champ after a couple solid weeks of practice (his morning feedings went very well), whereas Jacob had a hard time on his first day. 

I will say that it's been a bit of a relief to not have to lug my breast pump with me or take time to pump during the day.  The flip side of that, of course, is that I cringed as I had to scoop eight scoops of formula into bottles this morning, making a cavernous hole in our big can.  It's no worse than doing it one at a time all day, but doing it all at once just looks scary.  I will say that I also appreciated being able to sit at my desk without sciatica pain or having to take half a dozen trips to the bathroom.  I like coming home craving time with Carter, as opposed to being frustrated by his neediness.  It's not all bad, but I'm not gonna lie...I truly appreciated this maternity leave far more than my last one, and getting back in the groove today was not quite as rewarding as last time.  We'll get through, but it's not going to be easy.  It's hard to spend all day craving the sight of your sweet baby's chubby cheeks, but snuggling up to a computer screen full of numbers instead.

I'm just relieved the day went well, and by all accounts we're still in one piece.  I still have some laundry to fold and I'm doing my best to finish up little tasks here and there, but all things considered, not bad.  Too bad I have to do it for four more days before I get a break!  And now, for your viewing pleasure, a few pictures I captured tonight showing off a few of Carter's many looks...

He looks concerned..."Mommy, what are you doing?"

Conquering Saturday

One of my goals for maternity leave was to take a shower every day.  I know that doesn't sound like much--and really, I don't think it is--but based on what I see on "A Baby Story" sometimes, apparently for a lot of people that is an accomplishment.  And up until yesterday, I think I had done it.  But then yesterday morning hit, and it was all down the tubes...but fortunately, not all was lost.  We ended up having quite a day, and truly, the shower would have been the least of my accomplishments.

I think I mentioned the other day that Carter has diaper rash.  It's been around for a little over a week.  It even bled a couple times, but no matter what I do to it, it doesn't seem to want to go away.  It only seemed to be getting worse, and I was starting to worry that it was a yeast infection-based one, because everything I was reading said that they don't go away with traditional treatment.  It looked different than I recall, too, so I was concerned.  I called the doctor around 10am, and they asked if we could come in right away.  Well, I hadn't showered or dressed yet, and Jacob was still in his pajamas, too.  So, no shower could be had.  We rushed around to get ready, and off we went.  The doctor prescribed hydrocortisone to help it heal, and an anti-fungal cream in case it was yeast-based.  She didn't think it really was, but she saw spots that looked like they might be the start of it.  She said just one bad diaper can kick it off, and once that happens it's often a losing battle.  She recommended to let it air out (which, I'm not sure how to do if I don't want things sprayed in poop), and the pharmacist (who's actually a friend of mine from way back) suggested giving up wipes and using a washcloth instead.  Ewww.  We'll see about those suggestions.  But in the meantime I'm using the anti-fungal stuff (the hydrocortisone wasn't in stock so we'll get that Monday) and I got the name-brand diaper rash cream because, despite having the same active ingredients, the store brand stuff seemed watery.  We'll see.

After that, we came home for lunch.  Jacob expressed a desire to play Play-doh, but I had suggested a trip to the zoo since it was sunny and close to 50 degrees.  Well, it turned out that Carter had to eat anyway, so I pulled out the Play-doh stuff and let Jacob go to it while I fed Carter and finished packing up for the zoo.  I decided in the middle of it all that I might as well pack for the full day so we didn't have to come all the way home before the Knighthawks game, which was tentatively on the schedule if Jacob behaved.  It was a lot to plan for, potentially three bottles and lots of diapers and backup clothes, along with the usual load of stuff Jacob takes to lacrosse games--his stick, ball, and jersey--but I managed to do it without forgetting anything.

We headed out around 2pm and I decided on the way to use a free car wash I had, since my car was filthy and it was one of the first nice days I could use it.  Well, the line was crazy long so I decided against it to save time and we moved along to the zoo, which was also packed.  However, the zoo manages crowds pretty well, so everything was fine.  We walked around with a sleeping Carter in the stroller and checked out the animals, which were all pretty active.  The orangutans were using sticks to eat their snack (which is an enrichment activity the zookeepers do with them), the spider monkeys were chasing each other all over the place, and even the rhinos were playing with their "toys".  The otters, who we almost never see, were out and active.  We saw both polar bears (which, again, almost never happens), and the baboons were playing hide-and-seek.  Even some of the less active animals were sitting in good spots for viewing.  We even caught a glimpse of the golden lion tamarin baby.  It was born in March and was so tiny!  When we finished, I decided that I might as well feed Carter in the monkey house so we had something to watch while I did it.  Jacob still got a little bored, but it was better than nothing.  I also changed his diaper in the middle of the monkey house.  There wasn't a close bathroom, and since it already smelled like poop in there anyway...why not?  Jacob was pretty great during the whole trip, and I even let him go into the top of the double decker bus observation deck alone, since the stroller couldn't go up there.  When he's being good, he can be such a big boy!

Our next stop was Walmart, though we had a detour along the way when a different car wash location was far less busy than the other one.  My car actually looks blue again!  We did a quick stop at Walmart to shop for a couple things, and the trip was almost a disaster because Jacob nodded off just as we were parking.  He whined his way through the store as a result, but luckily dinner perked him up.  We did our usual Taco Bell stop, then headed off to the Knighthawks game.

When we arrived, I quickly realized I forgot that the game time was changed to 6pm from the usual 7:30.  Oops.  So, we were an hour late.  That wasn't an entirely bad thing since Carter was with us, and we weren't planning on staying for the whole game anyway, so the early time meant we could stay until the end without completely blowing by bedtime.  We immediately checked out a table of wooden Native American lacrosse sticks that Jacob really wanted to see, then retreated to the media room downstairs in the arena where it would be quiet enough to feed Carter in peace.  It worked out well, thank goodness.  We then headed up to the sound booth to see a few friends and watch the game protected from too much extra noise.  Jacob likes sitting on one of the counter height chairs and is usually treated to a snack from the arena workers.  Carter slept soundly in the Baby Bjorn carrier for most of it.  Other than feeling a bit like a pack mule, I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went.  The Knighthawks won, too!  We got home around 9:30, within a reasonable bedtime window for Jacob and at the perfect time for Carter to eat before bed.

We crammed a lot into one day, but at the end of the day I felt like I had truly accomplished something impressive.  I spent about seven hours outside the house with two kids, one of which was an infant, and had no major issues.  We also managed the doctor's visit and some quality playtime before that, so all in all it was a great day.  It was probably luck more than anything, but it felt really good to accomplish nonetheless.

Here are a few pics from the zoo (and yes, I'm terrible about taking pictures with the kids.  Jacob is not much of a poser and Carter was hiding in the stroller keeping warm)...

Spider monkey hanging on the bars...their tails wrap around things and they can even hang from them!

Gotta love the polar bears.  Hard to tell from this picture, but this one is SO big.

The lions are so gorgeous, particularly the male.

If you can click on this pic to see it bigger, do it.  It's not easy to see, but the golden lion tamarin  baby is there above the parent's head.  The baby just sort of hangs out there a lot, i guess.  Keep in mind that the parent is maybe six inches tall, and the baby's head is probably about the size of a quarter.  Little!

I loved how this meerkat was just chillin' out up against the glass.   Nice.

Anyway, it was a nice day in the middle of a single parenting weekend.  Craig was gone today and while the boys weren't intolerable, let's just say I was high in demand.  Add into that the preparations for tomorrow and it was a bit of a tough day.  Not bad, just tough.  I'm sure I'll have all sorts of thoughts on tomorrow's return to the real world, so stay tuned for that...

Sleep and Schedules

One of the main questions I get these days is how Carter is sleeping.  My response: "About as good as can be expected.  Can't complain, for now." 

Now that we're heading toward having to be on a real schedule, it's been a bit of a relief to see that Carter has gotten himself on a bit of a schedule.  It's not perfect by any means, but it's enough to give the daycare folks a little something to go on and enough to know myself what to plan for.  Here's a rundown of our day:

- He'll usually wake up again somewhere between 7 and 8 (though a couple days this week it's been closer to 6am).  If it's early I try to swaddle him again and get him to sleep a little longer, but if it's on the later side we'll do the feeding on the couch and I'll grab some breakfast afterward.

- I'll put him in his swing so I can shower and get dressed, and he usually ends up taking a lengthy morning nap in there.  Maybe it's bad I let him sleep there, but the morning nap seems to be a good one for him.  I hate to wake him if I don't have to.

- He usually wakes up shortly before noon for his next feeding, which is followed by my lunch, but once in a while he'll sleep a little longer and I'll grab lunch first. 

- Often he'll take another nap in the afternoon, particularly if we're out and about.  If we're out in the world and moving, he's tucked blissfully into his car seat and rarely wakes up.  I'll often let him sleep in his car seat once we're home, too, because again, no reason to wake him.

- He'll usually eat around 4:30, then often we're off to pick up Jacob and back to get ready for dinner.  Usually he'll sit in the swing or his vibrating seat during dinner (particularly if his belly is bothering him, since the vibrations seem to help), and we can just sneak in dinner before he gets fussy and jumps into a couple close feedings, first around 7 and again at 9:30 or so.

- Near the end of the 9:30 feeding I change him and swaddle him so he's ready to fall asleep with the last bit of his bottle.  He's usually asleep by 10 or 10:30, but even if he doesn't fall asleep, usually I can put him down awake and he'll fall asleep on his own.  At that point I aim to go to bed.  Normally that happens by 11, even though I'd like it to be earlier.  That little bit of "me time" is too precious so I'm always trying to fit something in. 

- Most nights recently, he'll sleep until 2:30 or 3am.  That is one long stretch!  Two nights ago he woke up earlier, around 1:30.  Still, not bad since I can get a few hours in before having to be up for a bit.  Feedings take about 45 minutes, including a diaper change and some vertical time to minimize the risk of spitting up.  I usually kill some time with my iPod and don't have too much trouble falling back to sleep. 

This schedule can still vary a bit depending on how long a nap might last or growth spurts causing more frequent feeds, but that seems to be our general schedule.  The takeaways at this point are as follows:

- He usually seems to get in good morning and afternoon naps, which is what we should be aiming for since that's the daycare norm.

- He's getting in a good almost-six-hour span between feedings at night.  It's good to know he's capable of that, but it would be better to either shift it to 12-6 or get him to tack on a couple more hours.  Jacob slept through the night at 10 weeks, so I'm hopeful for that again.  I will be even more impatient now that I'm facing a long day of work on so little sleep!  I'll be up around 6am regardless, so if he could work within that framework, it would be great.

- He's sometimes stretching out day feedings to four hours (or more with a good nap).  That's a far cry from the two hours he was doing, so I don't know if we have age or formula to thank for that.  I'm sure the daycare folks will be relieved. 

I do worry a little bit about letting him sleep in the swing or his vibrating chair for too long, but I think that's more because some other people don't like it for their kids.  I get the importance of human contact, but at the same time, if he needs a nap and is fussy everywhere else, including my arms, then I'd rather do whatever it takes for him to be comfortable.  I think the vibrations of his chair make his belly feel better, and the motion of his swing knocks him out almost every time. 

I love when he has alert periods where he's content and curious.  He makes the best noises and his eyes are so eager and so pretty.  I wish he had more of those periods, but I think he's still a little uncomfortable at times.  I don't know if it's the belly thing, though that seems a little better, or if it's a nasty case of diaper rash he has, or if it's something else.  He generally cries for one of a few reasons--he's hungry, he's uncomfortable, or he's tired.  It's hard for me to know if a wet diaper is enough to make him cranky, but usually I give that a try.  He still spits up a bit, so I know sometimes his belly isn't perfect, but it's obvious he's better than he was. 

Anyway, today marks the end of my time off from work.  This was technically a week of vacation after my six weeks of leave, and Monday we'll be back to the grind.  I'm working on gathering up all of his stuff for daycare, and bracing myself for a hectic week next week trying to get used to our new normal.  I'll be sad to leave him, but I know he'll be well taken care of.  It's just going to be an adjustment to give up full control of him after seven weeks of near constant companionship.  It's hard enough figuring out a baby without missing nine hours of the day with him, so that's going to be challenging.  I'm definitely more bummed overall this time about going back.  Last time it was sad, but it was a bit of a relief, too.  This time I know how hard working motherhood is, and I know how fleeting this time is.  I hate to miss it.  I love my co-workers and like my job, so it'll be nice to have that element back in my life, but it comes at an expense.  I just have a greater appreciation of the experience this time around, so it's harder to know it's over.  The good news is that Carter will probably adjust fine.  Doing this transition at seven weeks is easier than doing it at seven months, and he'll never know anything different.  I wish it could be different, but this is our reality and it's not going to change any time soon.  We've gotten through it before and we will again.  Note to Carter: A little more sleep will make it that much easier.  Your cooperation would be appreciated...

Happy Easter!

Before I get into the details of our Easter weekend, I just wanted to note that I wrote up a post on Saturday and accidentally forgot to finish it and post it.  I did post it yesterday, so in case you missed it, you might want to go check it out.  Anyway...

The rest of our Saturday after I had written the blog post was nice.  Jacob ran my poor parents ragged wanting to play golf and basketball outside.  It wasn't super warm, but it was pleasant enough.  Jacob was also reunited with his little friend Nora, who lives down the street from my parents.  They're only a couple months apart and have played together a few times over the years, most notably three years ago during the ill-fated Easter egg hunt my mom whipped up where Jacob cried the whole time.  He and Nora were pretty fascinated with each other.  Jacob was definitely in show-off mode--he wanted to bring her upstairs to show her his "stinky" baseball stuff.  Seriously?!  Of course, by the time I headed up there he was on his way to changing into his baseball stuff, right in front of her.  Gah!  I tried to distract Nora with Carter and had a little chat with Jacob afterward about stripping down in mixed company.  Oy, not good.  Much to the kids' dismay, we had to part ways so we could fit in a visit to my mom's aunt's house (Jacob & Carter's great-great aunt!).  Jacob was very clingy during the trip and I had to keep him occupied with my iPod, but all things considered it was fine.  She very much appreciated the company and the chance to see Carter.  Later that evening, Nora came back, this time with her parents, grandparents, and brother.  Everyone loved seeing Carter, of course, and all three kids had a blast running around together.  Nora's brother, Kurt, was the baby I held a couple years ago that Jacob told me to put down!  Guess I should have known then that Jacob wasn't going to transition into big brotherhood very smoothly!  Jacob was still in show-off mode and was running around without his shirt on.  I think we need to teach Jacob to be a little smoother with the ladies!  He's trying too hard! ;-)

I was nervous about Easter morning because we hadn't had that early of a wakeup where I had to get both kids ready by a certain time.  We had to be out of the house by 8:15-8:30, which meant I had to be up by about 6am.  In addition, Craig was getting up early back in Rochester to drive in and meet up with us before church.  I did manage to get everyone ready in time, and despite being an absolute pain, Jacob was able to search for his Easter basket.  He actually found Carter's first, and then found his with some help.  He got a pretty good haul...

He's got a chocolate baseball bunny, a new book, sight words flash cards, a peanut butter Snickers egg, a baseball egg full of jelly beans, and a little side gift from us, one of the little toys Jacob new was in the reward drawer waiting to be earned.  It had been in there long enough, quite frankly.  He's also got his new Easter basket, which I let him pick out now that Carter could inherit his old one, which was a hand-me-down itself.

 Before we left for church I wanted to get a picture of both boys, just in case Carter had a blowout and ruined his adorable Easter outfit.  I finally got this shot...

However, during the second try (this was the third), Jacob let go of Carter and let him flop face-first into the chair.  He claimed that he didn't know what to do with him, to which we responded that he has to hold on to him until we retrieve him.  I thought that would have been a given, but apparently not.  We definitely have to work on the whole brotherly love thing.  Ugh.

Carter fell asleep on the way to church and stayed asleep for a very long time.  Jacob was a very good boy in church again, and afterward we had some breakfast in the gym (pancakes, eggs, ham, and pastries).  After that was the Easter Egg hunt.  Jacob was determined to win the stuffed bunny, even though he won it three years ago and we explained that the odds of him winning it weren't good.  When the hunt started, he beelined for an egg and then started collecting candy.  There was a ton of it all over the floor.  He got quite the haul.  In the middle of it I dug in his bag for the egg so I could see what was inside it.  Instead of the paper reading "Bunny", there was a quarter.  Jacob was crushed and proceeded to cry for the new few minutes.  Ugh.  In the meantime, Carter looked like this...

Once we got back to my parents' house, we packed up and headed out to Craig's aunt and uncle's house.  They hadn't seen Carter yet and were eager to meet him.  We had a great time visiting with the whole family (along with four of their five kids, as well), and Jacob took a liking to Craig's cousin Julie, who's a kindergarten teacher.  After we left, he was begging to go to her school!

We spent the rest of the day with Craig's family, including his parents, his brother's family, his nana, his aunt, a couple cousins, his cousin's kids, and our sister-in-law's parents and sister.  It was quite the group!  There was a ton of good food and lots of good company.  Carter definitely got passed around, and his cousins loved holding him.  Here he is in his handsome Easter outfit...

In the end it was a very long, very busy, but very good day.  Jacob and Carter made out very well, and the family time was great.  There are so many times that I wish we lived closer to our families, but I guess the upside of that is that days like we had this weekend, from prunes and noodles on Friday to a full day of fun on Sunday, are that much more special when we have the opportunity to have them.  We have fantastic families and it's always so nice to spend time with them.  And it's even better when we get to share something as awesome as a six-week-old Carter with them!

Now we're back in our routine at home for one more week.  I'm savoring every moment I have, since I know that my time to spend with Carter is limited.  I also know that I need to take advantage of my time at home because I only have so much time to be productive with other things, too.  Yesterday I snuggled Carter and napped, and today I tried to be as productive as possible--filing paperwork, gathering up our tax documents, opening Carter's bank account, and doing a couple returns.  Tomorrow will be a cleaning day, I hope, and Thursday my oldest friend Heather is coming to visit.  I'm hoping that the weather is good enough by Friday to go to the zoo, just for a nice place to take a walk (whether or not I'll pull Jacob out of daycare is still up in the air).  Then we have a weekend to hang out (no Craig, though--he's got two games) before getting back to the real grind on Monday.  It's not going to be easy, but it's just how it has to be.  I just want to make the most of this time while I can...