Blast from the Past

In the past couple weeks I've been trying to salvage what's left of value from my once-beloved webpage. I started it back in college sometime during my freshman year. It was basically a nice, creative setting for a bunch of links that I thought were cool...from stuff in my hometown and profiles of my good friends to hockey sites and other random links. Eventually much of the site took a turn toward webcams, generally those of the scenic variety. I also had quite a few pages with pictures of my life--friends, vacations, and other fun shots. I think I stopped updating most of the site (save for one section) about three years ago. And even then, it was maybe a couple times a year. I'd been sort of torn since then about what to do with it. It was outdated to the point that I'd never want to put the time or effort into updating it, but I didn't want to delete it either. Well, Geocities made up my mind for me. The site is closing down next Monday, taking my site with it. I obviously have it saved on disk from way back, but there were certain things that I still referenced on the site or wanted to keep handy once the site went away. A lot of it is ending up on Facebook. So far I have just transfered over my old pictures. In the next couple weeks I'm hoping to add dozens of cool webcam pictures (beautiful sunsets, random moments, cool places) that I've saved over the years. I also need to somehow keep around my insane dissertation on my memories of the Aud and my fantastic list of holiday webcams--mostly German Christmas markets--which was the one page I kept updating all these years later, but I haven't quite figured out if I can just copy and paste it (links and all) into Facebook, or if I'm going to have to recreate it completely. Ugh. Anyway....

The reason I bring this up is because looking back into that site has been a funny trip into my past, to an era before Facebook, before Jacob, and in some cases even before Craig. It's a window into my interests over the years. And I guess I find that particularly interesting these days because I feel like my interests have become quite limited. In fact, at a wedding we were at a couple months ago, a nice woman sitting next to me asked about my interests, and I came up blank. Even the "Interests" section of my Facebook profile is a little lacking. Ever since Jacob was born, my world has revolved around him, and that's about where things sit to this day. Sure, I watch TV, I mess around on the internet, I listen to mostly Christian music, and I still watch sports (albeit not as actively). But no matter how hard I try, I struggle to get much beyond those things. The point is, if I have interests, exploring them further has generally taken a backseat to Jacob. And the time that Jacob and any Jacob-related tasks take up generally pushes back other necessary household tasks, and by the time I get those done, there's very little time to do much for myself. And I know I've mentioned it before, but that's the same nasty slippery slope that ends up putting women on "What Not to Wear", because they just stop worrying about themselves and lose their individual identity. Appearance-wise I've done my best to maintain some self-respect, but I think I've failed myself a bit on the personality/interests side of things. And don't get me wrong, I think it's for the best reason possible. But it's a tough sacrifice, and perhaps not a smart one. What happens when you finally do have time to explore other interests and there's nothing left that relates to who you have become? Forgetting yourself is a good way to end up both bored and boring down the road. I'll definitely have to do a better job with that, but I'll admit, it's tough.

Another thing that struck me as I looked through dozens of old webcam pictures was the sense of adventure I once had, imagining myself jetting off to any one of these amazing places. Nowadays I feel fortunate if I get out of Rochester, and I'm even having some anxiety about going somewhere for a long weekend without Jacob in the coming months. I still want to get out and see new things, but I suppose it's not as necessary now that I have such a precious thing right here in my midst. But I know that Craig and I do need time away to relax and reconnect. Just as I sometimes lose myself, it's easy to lose sight of how important the husband-wife relationship is once it has shifted to daddy-mommy. But seeing pictures of places I'd forgotten about, places that I've long dreamed of traveling to, really made me realize how my focus has shifted. I've noticed that elsewhere since I've become a parent, how some things that seemed so important are so trivial now. I used to spend hours during my weekends alone shopping, watching TV, or doing whatever else I pleased. Now...well, I hardly ever make it to the mall unless I have to, I can't remember the last time I watched an episode of "What Not To Wear", and I haven't worked out on a weekend in ages. One of Jacob's book orders (yep, they get them at daycare, too...oh, how I loved them!) had the computer game "Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 Platinum" in it. I wanted that game so badly for so long a couple years back, and they had it at a great price. But I didn't get it, for the same reason I never got a Nintendo DS, which I really wanted for a while too...because I don't have enough time for the important things in my life, let alone for video games. So while all these things, my website included, were so important to me a few years ago, now things are so much different. I still value this blog and Facebook when it comes to online stuff, and I do still enjoy looking at webcams...but I would say that things are much more streamlined and purposeful. This blog is a great communication tool and a nice creative outlet. Facebook is also nice for communication and sharing things with the world in general, albeit in a more focused manner than the web as a whole. My webcams are still fun here and there because I like to see beautiful things and I like the idea of looking at places in the world that I may never see in person. But none of them completely take over anymore....I have better things to occupy my time. Would I like to be able to explore new things again sometime? Of course. But for now I guess I'll just have to dabble and look back at the remains of my little online world to remember what once was.

Pumpkin Farm Video!

Nothing too exciting, but figured I might as well share! Here are a couple videos of Jacob's exploits in the pumpkin patch! He sort of walks in the first one, but I think there were too many pumpkin vines!

And as you can see from this one, he can't get enough of the throwing. He's so excited to throw he doesn't even allow himself a proper wind-up!

We really had a lot of fun and I can't wait to do it again...so much so that I'm pondering looking for another one this weekend!

Pumpkin Farm!

Last year we never got around to taking Jacob to a pumpkin patch. Actually, I don't know if we even really aspired to it because I figured that it wasn't worth paying a bunch of money for a dozen activities Jacob couldn't do...and I never got around to researching free ones. So in the end I just wanted to go to my childhood farmer's market back in NT and find one there. Which we did. Unfortunately it was a rainy day so it wasn't all too pleasant, but we did find a cool jack o' lantern pumpkin and a Jacob-sized pumpkin, which was really all I wanted. This year we wanted to take him somewhere fun, hearkening back to two years ago when we went to Stokoe Farms here in Rochester. I may have just been pregnant when we went...like maybe a week in. Of course, I had no clue for another month or so. But even without kids we had a blast. And all I could think about as we walked past a crowd of kids around baby chicks and got to pet some farm animals was how cool it would be to bring our kids there someday. I did some research this year to see what nearby farms might be most appropriate for Jacob, and I decided we'd either go back to Stokoe or we'd try out one of two other farms--one that was right near us, and one that was a good 40 minute drive northwest. Stokoe is about 35 minutes south, so either way it could be a drive. The one near us looked ok, but we finally decided we'd check out the big one 40 minutes away and fully educate ourselves to make the decision next year. So, off to Brown's Berry Patch we went.

Thanks to Jacob's odd weekend napping schedule and other general issues, we didn't get on the road until later than we wanted, and we didn't get to the farm until about 4pm. Little did we know it closed at 5. Before we found that out, we headed into the store to check it out and get a snack. I was craving some apple pie (ideally as part of a sundae), and they did not disappoint. Apple pie, apple cinnamon ice cream, whipped cream, caramel...oooh, so good. Jacob loved it as well! He just kept signing "More!" We also picked up a couple apple cider donuts, which I had wanted to try as well. Knowing we didn't have much time once we actually saw their hours (doh!) we headed out to do whatever we could, most likely all the free stuff. We visited with some animals--goats, a cow and an alpaca--and Jacob liked that a lot...

Then we headed out to the pumpkin patch. There wasn't much left there, but we still had a good time once I got over the fact that Jacob would indeed get muddy. Jacob mostly liked picking up random gourds and throwing them. He thinks they're balls. Surprise, surprise! Here he is with one...

And another...but this one was a little too heavy to pick up and throw, apparently!


Aha! Got this one! It comes with a handle!

Apparently this one became a baseball bat instead of a ball!

He did manage to throw this one, though I'm not sure if I caught it or not. Looks like I'm making it levitate, though!

Craig offering up more ammunition, presumably to try to get Jacob to walk...
LOVE this picture...

There was a little train-themed play area, and we tried our darndest to get a good shot of both of us, but I think this was the best one!

Look at the big boy going off to explore...

At least the crawling is still handy for some things!

Looking back at Mommy :)

They had some crafters there for their fall festival and I got a couple cheap, cute little things, and we also fed the goats high up on these crazy goat walkways. They know how to pull the food up to themselves...so crazy! Eventually we made our way back to the front and got one gourd for Jacob and one uniquely shaped medium-sized pumpkin. I think we still have to get a slightly bigger one for our real pumpkin, though. Perhaps another (better timed) farm visit should be in our plans? We shall see! All in all, we had a good time. I wish we could have stayed longer and done more things, but it was a fun time for all of us and I'm looking forward to Jacob being able to do even more next year. While I know I should enjoy the present (and I do--how cute are these pictures?), I can't help but look at everything with an eye toward the future, thinking about its potential as Jacob gets older and more able. We have so many exciting things to come!

Doctor's Visit #1

We're bookending the weekend with doctor visits, first to Jacob's pediatrician this morning, and then back to the pulmonary specialist on Tuesday afternoon. This morning's visit actually went quite well, all things considered. We got there and were immediately surrounded by babies in baby carriers. There were four of them and one of us, all on the well side. I think the babies ranged in age from about a month or less to about six months, but I've lost all means of comparison on that so I'm not sure. But it was amazing to contrast them to Jacob now that he's such a big boy. I mean...no carrier, he was walking and climbing, he was pointing at the fan and the TV (playing Peter Pan...and seriously, how is that movie still around? It looked like something the Indian rights people would be all over...ahhh, adulthood.), and was just so lively compared to the babies. How far we've come!

Once we got in to the room, I was happy to see that I could answer "yes" to most (if not all) of the "Can Jacob do..." questions. I think there were a couple last time that were pretty solid no's, so it was nice to say a lot of emphatic yes's this time around, in spite of all my worrying. The doctor was thrilled with Jacob's progress, and despite his iffy eating, he's moved up to the 25th percentile for weight (22 lbs., 2 oz.). As for height, he's 32 inches tall, which is now more than half my height! That puts him in the 75th percentile, which is great. Even his head size, which I obsessed about a while back, is in the 15th percentile. So, it looks like we have a tall, thin kid...just like his Daddy was. All of his talking and signing put him right on target. And the fact that he puts signs together ("milk, please") is a good indicator. The doctor wasn't concerned about his walking. Eighteen months appears to be the danger zone, and I have no doubt he'll be running circles around me by then.

It was also nice to finally have all good reports on his breathing. He sounded great and he hasn't had his cough in months. Even through two colds, it hasn't come back...and that's a huge relief. Let's hope that Monday's appointment helps him get off of a couple of his meds. That would be such a great feeling for all of us...daycare included!

As a whole he was a very good boy for the entire time we were there, and he enjoyed playing with tongue depressors (even figured out he could stick them in my mouth) so he'd keep his hands occupied while the doctor checked him out. The downside of the appointment came at shot time, as he was due to get two immunizations. He totally freaked out when he got stuck, and cried for quite a while. Poor baby. He actually exhausted himself and he fell asleep on the five minute drive to daycare.

The one thing he didn't get today was flu shot. Apparently with all of the effort that's been made to produce the H1N1 shot, they stopped producing the normal flu vaccine for babies. Lovely. So, they're out for now but she suggested we ask when we go to the specialist on Tuesday, because hospitals get it first so they may have it. They might even have the H1N1 vaccine. Because it's so new it's a little worrisome, but it's made just like the normal flu vaccine so it shouldn't react any differently. We'll see, I guess. Maybe we'll just get the normal one first and wait on H1N1 to see if anything crops up.

So, yeah, it was an interesting morning. Oh, and last night we figured out that Jacob can now drink from a straw! We'd been trying to teach him for a while, and all of a sudden he did it...a lot! That was cool, but boy did he have a full diaper (wet) when we got home from dinner! We're hoping to take him to a pumpkin patch tomorrow, so hopefully I'll have some fun to report this weekend. Enjoy!

Walking Update

Well, I think we can finally say Jacob is walking! Not well, not far, but he's finally starting to do it on his own. Up until the last couple days, he'd ony go a couple steps at a time, aside from a few isolated incidents where he wasn't thinking about it and took a bunch in a row. And he'd only do it if we were standing at his destination, cheering him on. But any other time, without our encouragement, he'd immediately drop into a crawl. Over the last couple days, however, he's started taking steps on his own. They're pretty shaky and slow, but they are steps nonetheless. He's gradually getting better at walking while holding a hand, too. And his increased ability to stand up sturdily is coming in quite handy when we're coming to and leaving daycare and I need to take off my shoes to go in his room or put his jacket on him. It's nice to have free hands for a change!

I find it funny that crawling was almost instantaneous....that once he got it, he very quickly integrated it into his daily life. But walking has been much different. It's been a much slower process with a lot of little steps (no pun intended) in between. It's taken a lot of practice and a lot of encouragement to get where we are now. I think he'll get really good at it really quickly, because he's older and should have some additional balance and dexterity that younger walkers might not have yet. So with any luck, he'll be running around within a week or two! In the meantime, I am totally freaked out about him getting hurt (like, seriously hurt...not just bumps and scratches) because he doesn't have great balance yet and tends to get ahead of himself, so it's already led to some fantastic falls. I'm just worried about him falling on a hard floor or landing on the edges of furniture. Scary stuff.

Interestingly, I've gained a new perspective on the walking thing a bit in the last couple days. I realized that we as adults don't often have to struggle to learn something. Our lives are pretty well set once we're out of school, and only when we tackle a new hobby or, as in my case, a new task at work, do we really get back to that struggle we all had as kids to learn things. Whether it was crawling, walking, reading, long division, or sports, I think at one point or another we probably spent some time on the verge of tears just trying to figure something out for the first time. And I really think that as adults there are few things in the learning realm that really bring us to that point. So while sometimes I can't understand why Jacob isn't more motivated to walk like the kids at daycare, I guess to some degree I do get it. It's hard, and while we want to tackle the challenge head-on, it's not easy and sometimes it takes a lot of small steps to get us to a point where we're comfortable enough to jump in head-first. The last couple days I've been struggling with a project at work. I've had to do a lot of things in Microsoft Excel that I've never done before. The project I'm doing is actually far beyond my current Excel abilities, but with a little help and lots of trips to the help menu, I'm slowly getting there. It's been neat to learn new things, but there have been moments where I'm overwhelmed by the complexity of it all and am sure I'll never figure it out. And while I want to just dive in and make it work, I'm too afraid of getting ahead of myself, spending an hour trying to do something, and find out that it was wrong and I just wasted a lot of time and energy on nothing. So I've chipped away at it, bit by bit, for two days. And I think I've almost cracked it, finally. It's been a mental challenge, and that's just not something I'm used to these days. Work is hard, and being a mom is hard, but actually having to learn something completely new all at once? Yikes. And so, I suppose, that's how it goes with Jacob as well. While I'm sure he'd like to walk, it's probably a scary and difficult prospect. It's something totally new and very difficult. And I'm sure that's why it's taken so long for him to get to this point--lots of fear and not a lot of motivation, and as a result, lots of little baby steps to get him to a point where he's comfortable enough to really jump in and do it all the time. And soon I'm sure he will. It's fun to watch and cheer in the meantime, though :)

Best Parts of My Day

You know the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?" Bad grammar aside, I can definitely see how that can be the case. Though I tend to wonder when exactly that happens, because right now we're still at the point of, "If Jacob ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I suppose that's because he's not quite tuned into my moods yet, so if I'm in a bad mood, he doesn't really notice. Craig, on the other hand....well, my apologies to him for when that happens. Anyway, it's really amazing how Jacob's moods can impact everything. And lately I've been noticing the good stuff a lot....thank goodness. Dinner is the one negative usually, and I guess I'm used to that by now. There are certain times of my day that Jacob makes so much better now that he's getting to be more of a little boy. Here's a quick rundown...

1) Getting him up - Usually Jacob wakes up on his own, generally happy and at a decent time. Usually he's up by about 7:45 or 8am on weekdays, and sometimes even lets us sleep as late as 8:30 on weekends. Any of that beats my 6am alarm clock, so that's cool to begin with. But once I get in there, usually Jacob is in such a good mood that any resentment I had from getting out of bed disappears instantly. He will stand up at the crib rail and give me a hug (did I mention that we finally lowered his crib to the lowest mattress setting? He wasn't jumping or anything, but I figured all it would take was one cranky night or a little ingenuity for him to figure it out), or play peek-a-boo through the bars as I open his curtains. He'll hand me his teddy bear or little stuffed Snoopy (thanks cousin Lynn!) for me to hug, and then take them back and dive back on his mattress face first into the animals, or throw them out for me to retrieve. He's usually so smiley and playful...right until I have to take him out and start the less fun portion of our morning, which includes medicines, vitamins, and toothbrushing.

2) Leaving in the morning - While most of this task is a bit on the stressful side--making sure we have everything, getting it all in the car, rushing to daycare so I can get to work on time--Jacob has begun to make it so much fun. His new ability to pucker up for kisses is still so darn cute, and it definitely gets a workout on our way out of the house. This morning I kissed Craig goodbye and Jacob got in on the action with a kiss on my cheek at the same time. That is the best kind of love triangle ;-) And then for the last week or so, every time I put him in his car seat, he'll give me a kiss on the cheek, I give him one back, and then I make faces at him through the window once I close the door. It's so funny and it gets him smiling and laughing, which I love! We have a similar amount of fun when I go to get him out of the seat once we get to day care. I just can't get enough of that smile! Just this morning we had a funny little moment. As I went to unstrap him, he put his hands on his head and said, "Ball!" Yes, Jacob, your head is round like a ball. I don't know if that thought just occurred to him or what, but it was so stinkin' cute.

3) Day care pickup - I generally despise the half hour that preceeds the pickup, because I'm trying to get out of work, battle the traffic, and get to Jacob before 6pm. And even worse, the battleground that is dinnertime follows it. But the little window of time when I walk into the room and see Jacob's face light up is so great. He'll usually crawl right over to me, and in his excitement give me one of his old-fashioned sloppy kisses. Sometimes the fun will carry over to the ride home, and he'll giggle and do other funny things in the backseat. Thank goodness for those mirrors that let you watch your child in your rear view mirror!

4) After dinner - It's always a relief the moment I put Jacob down on the floor after dinner. Many times it's tinged with a feeling of defeat rather than joy, but it's relief nonetheless.

5) When the monitor goes quiet - After a long day with a full evening to do list running through my head, it's always a nice feeling when Jacob finally falls asleep. We thoroughly enjoy listening to some of the funny babbling he does when he's alone in his crib, but knowing he's peacefully asleep is a great feeling. Not only is he getting his rest, but Craig and I have some time to ourselves to use as we please, whether it's getting things done around the house, checking in online, or chatting uninterrupted, or catching up on our TV shows. It's a little throwback to the days before Jacob. And while sometimes I feel guilty enjoying that feeling, I have to remind myself that life was pretty good pre-Jacob, and I'm probably allowed to miss that life just a little bit.

Of course, that's not to say that I don't enjoy every other minute with Jacob. I obviously enjoy my time playing with him and seeing his reactions to things out in the world. Just yesterday we went outside for a few minutes (I had to pick the one and only healthy green pepper I managed to grow this summer) and it was fun watching him in his swing. The other day we met Lori at the mall and while I was finishing up paying at one store, she took Jacob to Dick's, knowing that he'd have a field day pointing out all the balls. At one point I put him down and encouraged him to walk toward me, knowing that I had an entire wall of footballs behind me. And sure enough, he walked 10 steps in a row! Saturday night we went to the Amerks game, and although he was thrown off again when we first got there (he was even weird when we saw his day care teacher), by the end he was loving it! Just seeing him respond to those things is amazing, but when it comes to these five things specifically, I think what makes them so great is how they perk up the most mundane tasks. They're things that I do each day, and in the past they weren't that exciting (and in some cases were downright unpleasant). But now that Jacob is getting so interactive and fun, they're practically a pleasure!

Videos! Finally!

I finally had a chance to get a new card for my camera and I finally remembered to grab the camera at times when Jacob was happy and active. Thank goodness. Below are a couple fun videos of his latest exploits. The first is him zooming around the house with his little walking toy. Seeing him do stuff like this makes me think he's more than ready to walk, but then I see that he still doesn't trust his balance and we may have a long way to go. We shall see.

I mentioned recently that Jacob loves ice cream cones...even without the ice cream. Here he is enjoying one without the ice cream. Notice how he sticks the whole top in his mouth. I would have taken more but this is when my data card filled up. We had a busy summer with a lot of picture taking, apparently, and I'm always hesitant to delete pics off my camera before I've printed them, or at least burned them to a CD. Anyway, enjoy what little I did get. The smile near the end is priceless :)

Hopefully more to come soon. We're venturing to the Amerks' home opener tonight, and hopefully out for some shopping before that. It's a beautiful day so I'm hoping we have time for a wagon ride, too. We'll see how things go post-nap. He was cranky and sleepy when we were trying to eat lunch (same time as at daycare, go figure) so he's down now and will have to finish lunch later. I love weekends but sometimes I wonder if he's in too good of a schedule during the week and we get the worst of him when he's off that schedule on the weekend. Ugh. I try to keep it the same, but obviously it still has to be at least a little different. Apparently at this age, peer pressure can be a wonderful thing. Oh well. Happy Saturday!