On the Road Again

This past weekend marked a return to travel basketball with Jacob.  As Craig's lacrosse season is still going (and actually officially got extended this weekend by clinching a playoff berth), I was on the hook for trip #1.  This year's schedule is much more focused on the northeast, so while we don't have to worry about flights, instead we have a lot of long drives!  Jacob is not really a fan of any sort of travel, so this is going to be interesting given that every trip is at least five hours long.

First up was Boston.  I haven't been to Boston since 2004 when the Rochester Rattlers were in the Major League Lacrosse championship weekend.  I traveled with a few of the staff since Craig went with the team.  We did stay in the same room, but I spent most of the time with the other staff members because he was busy with game stuff.  Unfortunately, we never really got to sightsee.  We went to the stadium (Boston University) for the game, went to lunch (my first Cheesecake Factory experience), and went out one night to a bar, but the closest we got to anything touristy was driving around past Fenway Park and Chinatown on our way out of town.  I knew we wouldn't really have much of an opportunity this time either (and Boston traffic was prohibitive anyway), so at least I set my expectations properly for this trip.  But if you recall from past trips, it kills me a little to go somewhere and have very little to show for it!  I'm trying to assure myself that at some point during this cycle we'll get to add in something cool, but we'll see.  

I wasn't looking forward to the 6.5 hour drive, especially since I haven't gone too far since my accident and going to a busy place like Boston made me nervous.  Complicating matters was that I've had some sort of intestinal distress for over a week.  My doctor didn't have many suggestions other than that it could be a virus or could be the Zoloft, so I just had to put my faith in the almighty Imodium for the weekend because I wasn't about to do a test run without Zoloft on a trip like this!  Thankfully the Imodium worked pretty well when I needed it--particularly on the drive.  Carter seemed to have the same issue over the weekend so it makes me think it might be something catchy--either that or we've both developed a similar intolerance at the same time.  Anyway, cranky body or not, I knew I had to step up and make this happen.  It looked like we were going to take another player with us, too, which wasn't ideal for a few reasons.  At first it was supposed to be one of Jacob's high school teammates, but apparently he wasn't able to go for this weekend so we ended up with another player, Amari, who Jacob has played with in past years.  I was a little surprised he needed a ride because his mom was always on other trips, but apparently there was some sort of miscommunication and the planning for him to go on this trip was last minute.  He would stay in a team room with other players, but he needed a ride.  I wasn't thrilled as I knew it would impact the conversations in the car, but of all the kids it could have been, he was pretty much the best case scenario--a nice kid from a good family, and Jacob knows him pretty well.  I was worried about having to be enough of a "cool mom" if it was someone I hadn't really been around before, but since his mom has traveled with him, I felt like that wasn't as weird for it to be me, rather than Craig who can be "one of the guys" and usually knows everyone better anyway.

Amari arrived at our house just before 11am as planned, and we quickly packed up the car and headed out.  My new car isn't quite as roomy cargo-wise as I might like, but it worked.  Four people might be a bit much, though.  Even still, I think the back seat is relatively comfortable for even a taller person (Amari is maybe an inch or two shorter than Jacob).  We'd probably have to ditch the suitcases and go with duffel bags or backpacks if we ever had more than three people.  Luckily the day of the drive was really nice--not super warm, but sunny and pleasant.  I knew the trip back would likely be rainy, so I tried to enjoy it.  And honestly, it was probably less painful than I thought it would be.  I mean, don't get me wrong, it was LONG, but I never got tired and it was interesting enough considering it was pretty much Thruway the whole way.  We stopped in Syracuse for lunch at Chipotle, and maybe once or twice more for bathroom breaks.  The boys chatted periodically, but a lot of it was them with headphones (I think Amari was watching stuff on an iPad) and me just enjoying my music.  Still, it was pleasant enough.  

I hadn't been out that way in a long time.  I can barely remember the last time I was even as far as Syracuse, let alone Albany or beyond.  Some of the landscape along the Thruway had changed, for sure, like all the new rest areas, one old house that I'm sure I'd previously admired that had completely collapsed on itself, a new welcome center...it was interesting.  Massachusetts had amazing rock structures on the sides of the highway that I didn't remember from past trips out that way (likely just that one Boston trip, a couple trips out to my sister-in-law's family, and maybe when we passed through Springfield for lacrosse years ago).  

It reminded me so much of the fake rocks in the Canada section at EPCOT!  I submit for comparison...

One notable interesting spot was going through downtown Providence, RI.  I didn't realize our path took us that way, but it was a really interesting city with lots to see.  I wish I wouldn't have been contending with rush hour traffic at the time but I caught a couple blind pictures.  Our hotel was quite a bit south of Boston, way closer to Providence and not too far from Cape Cod.  The gym was a full hour away, which was less than ideal.

Providence State House

Providence as we crossed the Providence River

We got to the hotel, checked in, and bid Amari farewell for the night, as he was off with the rest of the players without parents.  Jacob and I debated dinner for a bit and eventually decided on 110 Grill.  There weren't a lot of good, local, gluten-free places that had good reviews in the app we use, so we went with one that's usually pretty reliable.  I forgot that Massachusetts is full of them, so that was a pleasant discovery.  It was only 10 minutes away, which was even better.  We had a really nice dinner with some interesting conversation, although they almost screwed up his burger.  They're usually SO good with the allergy stuff and somehow almost brought him a non-GF bun.  They caught it, but he did have to wait a little longer.  But in the end we both really enjoyed our meals.  We headed back to the hotel and had a quiet night before settling in.  

We had to leave around 9am the next morning, so at least we didn't have to be up crazy early.  We had a quick breakfast at the hotel, but I was a bit disappointed with the offerings considering it was a Hampton Inn and they used to be revered for their breakfast.  They had no yogurt, which is usually a sure-thing at every hotel breakfast for Jacob.  He tried to eat some eggs and sausage, but he wasn't too excited about it.  Amari went with their coach for that drive, so it was just the two of us and time for more good conversation (I'll get more into what about later).  In fact, he was almost disappointed when we got to the venue because he preferred the car ride.  Some of that might have been anxiety about playing--he wants to play but I think the fact that it's been so long, that he barely trusts his body, and that he just prefers playing regular old high school basketball was messing with him a bit.  After I dropped him off, I had a bit of an adventure of my own.  I was going to get gas and coffee, but didn't have a chance to put Dunkin' in the GPS before someone beeped at me, so I just had to turn and it sent me on this crazy roundabout route to get to a Dunkin' that would have been a couple minutes away if I'd turned the other way (not to mention that there was one in the direction I was going just a couple minutes after where it had me turn!).  And then when I went to get gas, there were at least two stations (one of which I actually pulled into) that were full service, and I wasn't down with that.  I started worrying Massachusetts was like New Jersey where you couldn't pump your own, but I kept driving up and down the road and finally found a place to turn around and eventually a station that was self-serve.  I just don't know the etiquette around that so that was a no for me!  I finally got back to the venue and luckily sat there in the parking lot for a bit because they didn't want outside coffee in the venue (although I saw LOTS of people with it).  Oh well.  It was a large venue with eight courts, a cafe, a full arcade, and a soccer facility.  There was also a bunch of stuff outside, like mini golf, and I think some other businesses in the building.  It was a pretty massive place.  

Game one didn't go quite as planned.  First games of the year are always a crapshoot--it takes time for kids to learn to play together, and also to adjust to the speed and style of play, which is usually much better than their high school teams.  The team just wasn't hitting their shots, Jacob included.  He got shut out and his team lost by more than 30 points.  Definitely not the start anyone was hoping for.  Amazingly, Jacob wasn't too down-in-the-dumps.  I think he had faith that eventually things would click for him.  I thought it was sweet that his high school coach, who was coaching another team in our group, reminded Jacob's coach that it was only his third game back and that he really hasn't played consistently in months.  I really appreciated that.

Game two was another team struggle, and Jacob was much the same until the second half when he finally started hitting his shots.  He ended with 12 points in another 30+ point loss.  But it was so good to see him finally get back on track!  Have I mentioned how big he looks out there now?  My once scrawny kid looks big and broad and strong in addition to being pretty tall.  He's really worked hard on his strength training while he's been recovering, and it shows.

Amari decided to go back with the coach after that game, so that meant Jacob and I were free to go to the Wahlburgers that wasn't too far from the venue.  That was much better than driving an hour each way again, because I don't think Jacob was going to let us leave town without going to one!  Jacob loves Wahlburgers and this was the original location.  No celebrity sightings, sadly, but it was a nice spot.  It was pouring rain, unfortunately, so we couldn't really appreciate the area it was in (a nice, walkable retail complex).  But our meals were so good, as usual.  

We headed back to the hotel after that to chill out for a while.  We ate around 3pm, so if we were doing dinner it wouldn't be until later.  We had considered going to an IKEA that was along our route because Jacob wants to start scouting furniture in case we go the extreme route of getting him an apartment in order to change schools next year (it's a long story and it seems pretty insane to me, but I'm being assured we could make it work).  But the longer we were in the room, the more Jacob decided he was content hanging out and relaxing.  He did a bunch of his usual treatments since his body was pretty tired.  This was my job for part of it--holding the band while he flexed his foot.

We eventually did head out for a late dinner at Jersey Mike's, which was really about the only option other than Chick-fil-A, which isn't high on Jacob's list right now.  It was still pouring, which made for a pretty miserable outing.  Thankfully it was in the same area as the 110 Grill from the night before, so I had an idea of where we were going.

As I alluded to earlier, Jacob and I had some deep conversations when we were alone--in the car, the hotel room, and at meals.  Jacob had been listening to a podcast by Christian singer Lecrae, featuring a Christian pastor talking about dating and marriage.  If I haven't mentioned it, Jacob is very eager to find the right girl ASAP.  He wants to get married while IN college and is planning his college picks around his likelihood to find a wife.  Now...trust me, I have tried to ease him down a bit, explain why getting married and having kids young is hard and the pitfalls of just wanting to get married so bad that you settle, or being so focused on sexual purity that you rush things or end up letting hormones make some bad decisions.  I've been through the Christian purity culture and there were a lot of damaging parts of it.  It felt oddly vindicating when the author of the book that was sort of "gospel" on that front, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", renounced the whole thing years later.  I mean, I appreciated the guidance, but there was so much guilt and shame in that whole culture that it definitely warped my faith a bit at the time.  Anyway, Jacob is really into traditional gender roles and things like that, so he has this very clear picture of how he wants his relationship path to play out.  It's...a lot.  The podcast was interesting and (mostly) full of good advice and food for thought, but I took issue with a couple things.  There was one part where he was talking about "trauma dumping" too early in a relationship--that you shouldn't share the really tough baggage until way later, and in fact shouldn't even do really intense prayer with someone you're not married to because it can cause a lot of imbalance, and even a savior-type mentality within a relationship.  They argued it's just too intense and should only be within a marriage-level commitment.  I get it, but at the same time I think that could lead to feelings of "I don't even know this person" if what comes out is too serious.  Jacob asked me when Craig and I did our "trauma dump", and I explained that we never really needed to because a) we had pretty decent lives with minimal drama; and b) we were friends for well over a year before we started dating, so we sort of incidentally knew from casual conversation about each other's baggage, which were primarily problematic relationships--my worst was one Craig got to witness, and his was a long-term one with a lot of emotional abuse that I was telling him to get out of, long before I had any interest in him, just because I could see how damaging it was.  Jacob was sort of stunned when I said we never had that, and it evolved into this conversation about how he feels like he has a lot of trauma or emotional baggage that he'll have to share with a partner some day.  I was a little surprised to hear that.  Unfortunately, he wouldn't really go into detail because he felt like it would upset me if I knew all of it.  It's somehow tangentially related to basketball and also to his inability to form strong relationships, but he wouldn't really clue me into the details.  I suggested he talk to his therapist about it, but he said that he felt he could only talk it through with a pastor.  He first said he wasn't ready to do that, though, but by the end of the night he said he actually wanted to tackle it ASAP.  I promised I'd call church on Monday, which I did.  It was a little weird trying to explain to his pastor of choice that he wanted to talk about something I wasn't really privy to, but sure enough, it was helpful.  Jacob appreciated the conversation and said it shifted his mindset and helped him deal with whatever he was struggling with.  

I'm still not entirely clear on it all, but it sounds like he just has a lot of regrets about who he was in the past and needed some guidance on how to leave that person (and maybe some guilt) behind, in order to be in a better place when the right relationship presents itself.  He said that the pastor reminded him that baptism isn't just washing off the dirt once, it's the holy spirit working in you and continually flushing out the sin.  For whatever reason, that seemed to help him.  It's pretty deep stuff for a 16-year-old and was not exactly the conversation I was expecting to have.  As tough as it was, I guess I'm glad he shared that and we can help him move forward.  He's such a good kid and I could tell this was weighing on him a lot.  I feel bad, maybe like I've failed him in some way with relationship building.  I explained that so much of our time parenting him was spent in survival mode, and while it wasn't his fault, we just didn't have the experience with a difficult kid to even know where to begin.  I feel like now there are so many more resources for stuff like that, and hindsight has given me a lot of insight (and guilt) over where I should have done better.

I can't help but wonder if his approaching prom date is pushing him to think about some of these things.  I don't think the girl is really a dating prospect--especially considering his criteria is pretty elite these days--but I think it's making him think about future relationships and where he needs to be to make one work.  The prom thing is going to be interesting.  He got his suit yesterday and he's pretty excited about it all.  I finally got to see a picture of his date when he showed Amari at lunch on Friday (although I had to BEG to see it), and she will be stunning, I'm sure.  Of course, this has him a bit preoccupied with the state of his complexion again--he's desperate to treat his acne and clear up his face.  I'm trying to get him into the dermatologist, but they're all booked up.  I asked if they could just provide some advice on products or a prescription since he's in the same boat he was in last time he was there and the solutions they suggested didn't work.  I'm trying to stop him from running to the store with ChatGPT suggestions and buying a bunch of products that may not be right for him.  I hope we can figure something out.

Anyway, all of our tough conversations seemed to bring him down a bit.  I don't think it was a terrible thing--in fact, it's probably good we worked through it--but it was definitely weighing on him heavily.  He struggled to go to bed that night, which wasn't ideal since we had to be up really early.  My alarm went off at 6am, and it was a struggle to get out on time, especially with having to pack everything up.  I only had time to grab a bagel and a banana, and I had the horrible realization that the bottled coffee I brought with me to save a couple bucks and avoid another stop if we were crunched for time completely froze in the hotel fridge.  I think I had another flash freezing episode like I did in Oklahoma City because I didn't notice my water was frozen either, and when I went to dump it in my reusable bottle, it was slush!  Sigh.  It took until 1pm that afternoon for the coffee to be drinkable, which was maybe a happy accident as I didn't have even a hint of tiredness on the long drive home after that!

The last game was against another 0-2 team, so it felt like we had a shot.  This game was much more evenly matched and went back and forth quite a bit.  Jacob got on the board early, and it was great to see him picking up where he left off the previous day.

He hit a couple early and then needed a rest.  It was a rough game--the other team was really handsy and was all over them at all times.  At one point Jacob got called for a travel when in reality he just bent over to dribble while another guy jumped up to block him and ended up rolling over his back.  The refs weren't great--they complained about the other team's rough tendencies but barely called fouls and should have given their coach a technical foul at least once, but didn't. 
 

Jacob hit two foul shots and a couple more threes late to pull his team into contention.

It was a nail-biter down to the last second, but they won by two!  It felt really good to beat that team and even better that Jacob scored 17 points!  That was what I like to see!  

The team had a quick meeting before we dodged more torrential rain back to the car and headed out.  We stopped down the road at Jersey Mike's (yes, again) for the boys to get some food before we got on the road.  The first part of the drive was so rainy and miserable.  Google Maps kept flagging areas for having low visibility reported, and it wasn't lying.  It was pretty awful, especially because I much preferred using my cruise control (it's so fancy on this car, adjusting the speed when there's a car in front of you!), but I don't use it with wet roads.  I think the rain started to ease about halfway through Massachusetts, and the roads dried out shortly after.  We made one bathroom stop in Massachusetts, and then as we were approaching Albany Jacob said he had to go again.  So we stopped just outside Albany, at which point I got also gas and grabbed a late lunch to go since I wasn't hungry when the boys ate and the first rest area didn't have any good options.  Thankfully the rest of the trip had pleasant weather--sunny for part of it, then a few more clouds on the final stretch.  It definitely felt much longer on the way back, especially because the boys weren't talking AT ALL.  Tired, I guess?  I had been planning on stopping outside Syracuse just to stretch the legs and grab a drink, but no one else needed a bathroom break so we just kept going and did the last 3-1/2 hours non-stop.  I was so happy to be out of the car when we were done, but all things considered, it wasn't bad.  I kept thinking about my back-to-back 8-hour drives on the way back from Missouri and acknowledged that another hour and a half would have been pretty awful, but this was manageable.  And guess what?  We get to do another one of the same length in three weeks!

As a whole it wasn't a bad trip.  We argued less than usual and Jacob came out of it unscathed.  He scored some points and got back in the groove a bit.  We had safe travel, my body mostly cooperated, and it wasn't a painful trip.  I don't know how I'll feel about the next one, but I'm thankful I have a couple weeks to recover while Craig handles this weekend's trip to Pennsylvania.