Eleven

Dear Carter,

Eleven...wow.  Ten was a big deal but 11 hits different.  Now you're not just double digits, you're in the middle of "tweenhood" and just a couple years from being a teenager!  I'm not sure I'm ready for two teenagers in the house so I'm going to hold on to the next two years as tightly as I can!

I'll admit I'm actually a little scared because 11 is when your brother really started growing up.  By the time he turned 12 he had pretty much caught up to me in height.  He didn't start looking more "manly" until closer to 13 but to know that's even in sight is getting a little scary to me.  I have absolutely loved having you as my little boy, even as you've gotten big.  I know you probably won't pass me in height quite as quickly as Jacob, but I worry about what happens when the big kid attitude fully arrives.  I'm going to do whatever I can to keep our bond so the impact of that is as minimal as possible, but I see tiny glimpses of it now and I'm scared to lose my buddy.  You have held that role for almost the entire last 11 years (we had a couple tough years around the pandemic), so I don't know how it will feel for that relationship to change.  I suppose if I can still function with Jacob--who was always pretty much only Dad's buddy--we may be okay, but I just know now more than ever how close we're getting to finding out.

The last year was full of lots of new adventures for us, and I absolutely loved it!  As I predicted in last year's birthday letter, our playground visits did decrease a bit, but we made up for it with other things.  We had one amazing playground day last spring and checked out a few others when we had the chance, but amusement parks really took over this year.  We officially got you on Ride of Steel at Darien Lake, finally got to Cedar Point and rocked it, and conquered Disney all over again.  We also had what was probably my favorite day of the year when we were in St. Louis and did both the Chihuly exhibit and City Museum in one day.  The next day of the Arch and baseball game was fun, too, but City Museum alone was an unforgettable adventure and wouldn't have been nearly as much fun without you to share the craziness with!  We had a fun year, for sure!  

Last year's letter included a series of selfies and it made me smile looking at them again the other day, so here we go again!

Last year I said we needed to work on your independence a bit, and we did.  You are now good to do your own breakfasts and put yourself to bed.  I miss our snuggles sometimes, but it's all part of growing up--and we had a lot more years of that than most.  You are also mostly picking out your own clothes, but matching is a challenge sometimes so I think you tend to pick the same handful of shirts!  But we're getting there!  Organizing your school life is a bit of a beast--you do pretty well keeping your homework straight, but bringing the right things home is sometimes an issue, as is keeping stuff from becoming a crumpled mess in your bag, so I can't imagine what locker life will bring--assuming you do better than your brother and actually use one!  I can't believe you're months away from being done with elementary school.  You've done so well this year with being a safety, being part of chorus and orchestra, and trying to be involved as much as you can.  I'm so proud of you for that, because that is definitely an area where your brother lacked a bit.  You take such pride in what you do and I know when we question your effort in a certain area it can hurt.  You are definitely more sensitive than your brother was, and you care more what people think.  I know how bad you want to win "Superhero of the Month" at school and how much it would mean to you because you try so hard.  Your brother has always been completely unphased by stuff like that--hence the shrugged shoulders after his fifth grade moving-up ceremony where he was one of the few who went awardless despite being a pretty good student.  You have to work harder and I think people see that, but sometimes it still goes more unacknowledged than we'd like.  I was definitely more like you, wanting that validation, so I get it.  And I'm trying to be sensitive to your efforts and find ways to encourage them, so hopefully with a little teamwork we'll get you middle-school-ready in time.

We're still struggling through the screen time stuff (what else is new?), but sometimes when I call you out you embrace an activity really well--like this past weekend when you did a marble run by yourself or when you build an epic magnetic tile fort after Jacob "accidentally" knocks yours down--and it makes me wish you'd do it more because I think it would help you in a lot of ways.  That sort of stuff will slow your brain and help your creativity and your fine motor skills.  I actually want to do more of that stuff myself, too, but a lot of that will depend on getting your homework station moved up to your room and clearing off the dining room table for my puzzles and diamond painting.  Speaking of which, we have a lot of work to do on your room, moving it into the big kid era with a desk and editing down your toys and books.  I just can't believe we're at that point already--seems like I just did that with your brother, and hopefully all those books on his shelf that went untouched might have a better shot with you.  Regardless, I blinked and boom, here we are.

Speaking of your brother, you two are still an odd pairing.  I feel like you're making progress finding things to bond over, but there are still so many battles.  He judges how you live your life, and you get upset when he beats you at video games or gets domineering.  He knows how to push your buttons and takes great delight in doing so.  I don't know why he insists on bullying you, but if you ask him, he'd probably say he's trying to toughen you up and make you a better person/athlete/gamer, but he doesn't realize that his methods probably aren't the best way to go about it.  He doesn't like it when people do that to him, so it's ironic he doesn't see that he's doing the same thing to you.  It's frustrating, but I still feel like maybe there's a chance someday you'll find value in each other.  He just needs to lay off and let you carve your own path.  

I've always said that you saved me as a parent.  When everything was hard with your brother, you were the one who made me feel like I wasn't a complete failure.  If you were a good kid I had to be doing something right.  Your smiles and giggles made me happy at a time when parenting was really hard.  As you've grown, you have brought out a fun side that I think I lost a bit somewhere along the way.  I love to explore and experience new things, and you're a great partner in that.  Your brother only found sports interesting, so it's been fun to do all the things he never cared about.  You find joy in little things like fun snacks or a cool playground or something fun at school, and I love that.  That's one of the keys to happiness in life, finding joy and fun in the little things, and you've still got that ability--unlike Jacob who usually sees the worst and has no issue skipping every cool thing in town when we travel.  Seeing the world that way is something I strive for, and you help me do it.  I am trying to cram in as much of it while we still can, while you still don't mind hanging out with me.  

I just can't believe you're turning 11.  But I'm also excited and thankful because it's a blessing to watch your kids grow, even as it's hard to leave behind certain stages and look toward when you'll let them go.  I know we're not there yet, but we're starting to turn a corner.  I know how quick it happened with Jacob and now you're next.  I'm excited to see where you go, though, and I'll be here every step of the way, hoping I can keep our adventures coming.  Happy Birthday Carter!

Love, 

Mom