It blows my mind a bit just how out-of-the-ordinary these two weeks of travel were. I was living somewhere other than my house for all but 2-1/2 days over an 11-day span. We left first thing on Friday the 31st, returned Monday evening and had all day Tuesday and Wednesday at home, then left again first thing Thursday until about late afternoon on Monday. It's weird to have done so little at my house over that span, whether it's cooking, cleaning, putting Carter to bed, or just sleeping in my own bed or showering in my own shower. It's completely odd and a stark contrast to this time three years ago when I only left my house about once a week. I'm not sure I could have ever envisioned a period that looked like this one.
I will say that the break from constant cleaning and cooking was probably good for my mental health, but coming back to the mess and meal planning again was less than awesome. There were Jacob messes that he didn't have time to clean when we were home, Carter's ongoing disorganization, a sink full of dishes, crumbs on the table and counter, and the usual bathroom mess. Ideally Craig would have gotten to it, but he was busy balancing single parenting and work, and honestly it's just not really a habit for him. With most of a two-week span spent elsewhere and having those only two days at home be such a blur, the messes probably didn't jump out to me because I was so preoccupied. But once I had to come back and live with them, ugh. Lots of catching up to do. And while I figured a break from cooking would leave me feel refreshed and ready to plan meals again, that didn't happen--I think I'm more out of that groove than ever at the moment.
As Jacob and I sat on the last plane on Monday we marveled at how long ago the Springfield trip seemed. A week earlier we were on the last few hours of the drive home, but it felt like we had crammed SO much into that week-plus that it couldn't possibly have only been that long ago. It's been such a time warp that I can barely process that we're halfway through April already. When I got back to work this week, it felt like my April had barely even started, even though it was already a third of the way through the month. Add in that we completely missed Easter, and I'll probably be mentally dealing with that weirdness for a while, just like when COVID prevented us from celebrating holidays in the way we were accustomed to. I always felt like something was missing and I kept waiting for something that wasn't coming. Maybe I'm used to it now, but it wouldn't shock me if in a couple months it hits me out of the blue that Easter never happened for us. As it was I got sad thinking about taking the decorations down as soon as this weekend (especially the outdoor eggs before it gets cold again)--I barely got to enjoy them!
At one point this week there was a chance Jacob would be playing in a regional tournament in Erie, and I was more than ready to hand that off to Craig (who finally has a weekend off) and stay home with Carter. Normally I'm up for any sort of adventure, but I am ready for a break--both from being away and from Jacob's wrath. I figured the two of them could go travel together and maybe Jacob would see that there are advantages to traveling with me? Ha, doubtful, but I can dream. I really did want us to bond on these trips, and while we had moments, I tend to think this experience has probably already done more harm than good. We clash on a lot of things and he just doesn't seem to respect the hard work and sacrifice that goes into these trips, so when I'm trying my best and he's still giving me grief, it's hard.
As it turns out, we won't be going anywhere else anytime soon. As it was, the tournament we had in Massachusetts in two weeks got canceled, but then Jacob went in to see the ortho doc on Wednesday. We had made the appointment on the way back from Springfield, but in the end Craig had to postpone because there were too many things happening that day and Jacob's ankle was feeling a lot better by that point. But after it flared up this weekend, it seemed extra wise to keep this week's appointment, and sure enough, there was a small fibula fracture right around where it meets the ankle. They couldn't actually see it on the x-ray, but I guess all signs pointed to that being the case. So not only no travel, but no running, jumping, or playing for 5-6 weeks. Luckily he can still form shoot (he's prepared to be a free throw master by the end of this, not to mention working on his upper body strength) and he has no limitations on walking, nor does he have to wear a cast or brace, but it's a bummer nonetheless. So Wichita is out, and we'll have to wait and see on St. Louis. He has a follow-up right before that trip, so I think we're sort of leaning toward going anyway so Carter and I can do our sightseeing and he can start getting himself integrated back into the team, but we'll see. The break is welcomed, but obviously not like this.
But after two straight long-distance trips, I feel like I can officially say I'm not really cut out for this stuff. I'll do what I have to do, of course, but I'm not exactly doing it all with grace and style. After all these days back, I'm still exhausted and a bit discombobulated. Between getting back on track at home and work, it's been a lot. I can't say Jacob was much better. He ended up staying home from school on Tuesday because he had a bit of a cold and was tired (he slept until noon after initially trying to get up for school). Being sick probably shouldn't be surprising after a general lack of sleep, eating oddly, being in contact with about 100 players over the course of nine days, and being on three airplanes. I masked on the planes so I'm hoping that not only prevented me catching something from other people, but also from Jacob--so far so good. Then Wednesday ended up being a bit of a different debacle caused by still not feeling well, staying up late to get homework done, and not feeling prepared for the day academically or physically. We had a bit of a rough morning that ultimately involved him refusing to get out of the car, so suffice it to say our re-entry has not been smooth.
Jacob and I are definitely not compatible as travel partners, but we shouldn't have to do any more trips with just the two of us for a long time. However, I'm definitely going to be pondering it all in preparation for next year. Aside from his desire to avoid all touristy things and my opposite desire to make the most of a trip, most of our problems are because I take more time to figure things out than he would. He is impulsive, and if I did things like him we'd likely be driving all over the place and have other frustrations to deal with from lack of planning. I choose to research and take a little longer to ensure we're making the best possible decision. If it took me more than a couple minutes to research dinner spots or to find something I was looking for, he was all over my case. Sometimes I get rattled during those moments--when things aren't becoming clear or are confusing--and I think that inadvertently rattles him, which makes things spiral even worse. That happened when we tried to eat in the airport on our last day, as I alluded to in my last post. We struggled to find food that worked for him (in part because ordering was online and most of the workers didn't speak good enough English to chat about gluten-free and cross-contamination) or something that appealed to me, and at the same time had to figure out how to order and pay for it with our meal vouchers from the airline (our plane didn't get catered overnight, and I wasn't about to pass up $45 in free money). I was hesitating because it was confusing and I didn't want to do it wrong or waste the money by buying something significantly below the value of each voucher, and he got frustrated. But we still had to eat, and when you're away from home it's not like you can snap your fingers and fix it. We were stuck in a situation that didn't work for us and it sucked. His tolerance for things that suck is not very good. When I tell him he needs to be more patient and tolerant because life is full of less-than-ideal moments, he insists he is strategically setting up his life to not end up in situations he doesn't like, so he doesn't need to learn how to manage them. Ha, good luck with that. Teenagers are great like that, always an answer for everything.
He also says I'm terrible with technology, but trust me, I could be much worse. I understand that there are moments where it looks like I'm struggling with the car GPS or my phone, but I'm sure he has those moments too and doesn't realize it. I wasn't born into this stuff like he was, of course, so maybe he does have an advantage, but his impulsivity doesn't really allow him to realize there are probably things he's not thinking of that I'm trying to take into consideration. And because I don't want to deal with his wrath, I'm trying to be extra careful to not screw things up, but either way I lose. Either I do it well and it takes more time, or I do it quickly and something isn't quite right. When I was booking rental cars he got all over my case because I didn't do it quickly enough to get the one really good deal. Of course, I'm fairly certain that was a fake deal meant to make you click, because even after the first one "expired" and I immediately tried the new one that popped up in the next search, it did the same thing and jacked the price up at checkout...and yet it kept returning that same fake low price in subsequent search results so it wasn't like it was a limited time offer that ran out. But when I booked a last-night hotel quickly on Sunday because I saw a price I couldn't pass up and didn't want to lose it, I forgot to double check the bed type and it ended up being "Hotel picks the bed type", which happened to be one King. UGH. See, I can't win. Luckily he didn't give me much crap about that--it was huge and we just put a giant pillow between us and it was fine. But I know he was annoyed because we'd already had a rough afternoon. But that's why I'm usually extra neurotic because there are a lot of details he likely wouldn't even think about. He goes on and on about how "these things don't happen with Dad", but I also know there were at least half a dozen moments where I was convinced that it was something Craig would not have thought about or been prepared for. Not because he's not a good father, but because his brain doesn't work in some of those details either. So I guess when they travel together they can just be in that ignorance together, as long as it doesn't bite them in the end?
It's funny, because as much as I'm relieved these trips are over and happy to be home for a while, there is a part of me that's bummed at the prospect of nothing exciting on the horizon. I'd forgotten how much I love certain parts of travel. I hate the stress of planes and airports and not knowing where I'm going. Hotels can be uncomfortable and eating out can be hard and expensive. So on a practical level travel is not my favorite. But I love seeing new places, getting new experiences, and seeing ways of life in other areas. I'm oddly fascinated by the constant buzz of airports and appreciative of how air travel gets you far away fast. I love views from the plane and seeing new city skylines. So much of that stuff gives me a zest for life that I can't get at home, and once the travel is done, it's a bit of a letdown even if I don't actually have the energy to do more right now. I think part of that is because I've had really long spans without trips previously and worry that will happen again. And yes, this interruption is one more reminder that planned travel doesn't always work out, and that will likely add to that anxiety next time we have a trip in the works...just when these trips going relatively smoothly started to up my confidence again.
To be honest, I'm actually rather proud of myself for navigating these two trips. They were really overwhelming and gave me a ton of anxiety for months, and here I am on the other side having done it relatively well. I didn't crash the rental car, we didn't have any massive fails (aside from the last full day struggles, I guess), and I even added an unexpected 15+ hour road trip to the mix and made it through. There was a lot that could have gone wrong and didn't. I got to see some cool things and go to a part of the country I'd never been to or really even thought I'd get to. When I added the Oklahoma City Museum of Art to my Pinterest "bucket list" board years ago, I'm not sure I expected to be seeing that Chihuly in person any time in the foreseeable future. But I did. Trips like this remind you that travel (the activity, not the logistics) shouldn't be hard and we should all strive to do more and see more when we can. Once upon a time I had this long list of places I wanted to travel thanks to the plethora of webcams I used to frequent. But I think having kids and limiting ourselves to car/sports-related travel for so many years dulled my expectation of making it out into the world a bit more. Europe still feels a bit out of reach for me, but this was a good reminder that while travel is not cheap or without stress, it feels good to see new places and expose yourself to different things. I was really struck by being in Joplin, which had once been destroyed by a tornado, as it was a new concept for me. I even took a couple minutes to scan the "I Survived" kids book about that tornado in the library the other day. I was oddly amused by being in places that still had plastic bags (thanks New York) and seemed to put far less emphasis on recycling (not a bin to be found in any of our hotel rooms). I forgot what it was like to change time zones, and I was excited just to consider the assortment of not-in-New-York fast food I had to choose from. All those little things are fun and different, and yet there were still missed opportunities left behind that I hope to rectify some day, like the Precious Moments Chapel (ha!), Ozarkland, the Botanical Garden in downtown OKC, and all the stuff we didn't get to stop and see in St. Louis and Indianapolis, which maybe we'll get to do sooner rather than later if things go well in the next month. It just opened my mind up to things I haven't considered in years, and I don't want to lose that.
It has been quite a whirlwind and I feel like I'm still processing everything that happened in these last two weeks. Heck, I half-dreamed I was still traveling the other night, forgetting when I woke up that I was actually in my own house. If that isn't a clue that this has been a lot, I don't know what is. I don't want to think Jacob's injury was a divine hint that we needed a break, but I guess we have to take advantage and get in a reset while we have the chance. I'm grateful for the experience but now it's time to tackle the "after" that I kept putting off leading up to it all, whether that's working out, organizing the house, or whatever else. No excuses...it's time.
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