Four Days and Counting...

So, it's the last "regular" day before the big day, and I'm feeling a bit like a swimming duck--calm enough on the outside yet paddling furiously beneath the surface.  It's always like this, I know, although sometimes I think the outside more closely resembles Daffy Duck after getting smacked in the head--ruffled feathers and a backward beak.  I'm guessing I've been there, too.

I'm sure I'm forgetting countless little things that seemed routine other years, but like every other year, I'm just doing the best I can.  We have a few last minute gifts to buy, and only one is a complete mystery at the moment.  I'm at least half wrapped, assuming stocking stuffers don't take too long.  School and work gifts have been handled, my first batch of cookies got baked last night without incident, and I already have plans for what I'm making for family gatherings.  So, that's not too bad.  Or, at least, it could be a lot worse.

Of course, yesterday Jacob woke up sick.  The previous night he seemed a little extra anxious, and then he had trouble sleeping, and when he woke up in the morning I initially assumed that either the melatonin he took made him more lethargic, or maybe he was just getting overwhelmed by all of the Christmas build-up.  He's been dying for it to be Christmas for weeks, and sometimes I think he makes himself crazy with it.  But a few minutes in I could tell that he just didn't feel well.  His stomach hurt, he had some aches, and he was chilled.  No fever initially, but given that it was an outside play day at school that he'd been looking forward to all week, I knew it had to be legit and he stayed home.  Craig and I split the day, and by the time I got home at lunch he had a fever.  The chills and stomach pains left him moaning by late afternoon, but fortunately a couple naps later in the day seemed to help.  He woke up from the latter one, in the bathroom just in case, and gave me a thumbs up that he felt better.  He still wasn't thrilled to go to school this morning, but he seemed functional enough--no fever and a bit perkier.  I'm just thankful there were no digestive pyrotechnics--just some bad cramping.  I'm still on guard that any of us could get sick, because I feel like one of these years we're due to miss Christmas thanks to some sort of non-travelworthy illness.  God forbid, but I know I puked on Christmas at least once, so it's probably not out of the question.  Lots of praying for health in the meantime, though.

I realized the other day that Christmas is a bit like pregnancy.  You go through so much to prepare, and it's not easy.  You sort of dread the day-to-day complications and anxiety, but the end result is so great that by the end you almost forget all of the effort that went into it and just revel in the awesomeness.  And when it comes time to do it again, you take a deep breath knowing what you're getting into, but try to find moments of joy in the process and have faith that the end result will be as great as it was before.  And it almost always is.  As the years go by, I try to be mindful of the fact that our "perfect Christmases" are numbered--that down the road we'll lose our parents or other key family members; that as we've seen with other family members, life can change in an instant.  I've lost two cousins young, after all, and we got that reminder three weeks after Christmas last year when my uncle passed suddenly.  You just don't know, so you savor every chance you have.  We're so blessed to have had so many good years, and while I pray they'll continue, I know things will change.  I figure I'm at least in my third phase of Christmas--as a child where everything was magical; then as a teenager to young adult where the magic faded a little and family members began to disappear; and now as a parent, where my kids' happiness is paramount.  Eventually my kids will move into that second phase, and hopefully after that we'll get the grandparent phase going, but with it will come loss and change.  It scares me, but I hope that those transitions will be as smooth and peaceful as possible.  As I mentioned a couple posts back, the changes in traditions thus far have gone well--where one thing changes, something else has filled the gap.  Some holes will never be filled, I know, but hopefully the bridge that's built over will help us find new joy.  So, when I'm in the midst of Christmas stress, I try to remind myself that it could always be worse.  This is the good stuff, folks.

This morning in the car on the way to school, I said to Jacob that I was actually sad Christmas is almost over.  I'll miss the Christmas lights and music, and how people are just a little more giving and full of "peace on earth" this time of year.  He, of course, couldn't be any more different since he wants Christmas here (and even gone) NOW.  He just couldn't fathom it.  But I will be sad when it's over and we have to get back to "normal" life and the fun desert that is January in Rochester.  It's cold, gray, and wholly uninspiring.  If not for Carter's birthday I'd pretty much want to check out until at least the end of March, or maybe the first 55 degree day, whichever comes first.  So being extra busy loving on people for a few weeks instead of cold gray blahs?  I'm in.

Christmas becomes exponentially more complicated as the number of loved ones involved increases.  So if your Christmas is crazy and stressful, it's really just that you're blessed to be surrounded by so many people to love!  That's why--no matter how expensive or challenging things get--I wouldn't trade our crazy, chaotic Christmas for anything!  We are so lucky to have so much family, and I know it won't always be that way since our kids' generation hasn't bonded as much as family has moved away, so the lure of getting together won't be the same years from now.  Right now we're still benefitting from decades of family tradition and relatives old enough to remember, and as the younger generation isn't as much a "unit" as my dad's siblings were, or as my cousins and I are, it probably won't stick decades from now.  So we'll enjoy it while it lasts, before we have to move on to new traditions.

For all the craziness and stress and frustration I've felt at various points this season, I have to admit that I feel much better than usual.  Maybe it's the day of the week setup this year, with two weekend days to finish everything up before the fun starts.  But I'd like to think it's also keeping perspective on how lucky we are to be happy, healthy, and surrounded by family.  It makes the rest of this stuff seem like small potatoes in comparison.

So, the season is officially upon us.  Ready, set....go!