The State of the Union - A Civil War Update

I figured it's been a while since I gave a solid update on the boys--the good and the challenging individually, and what happens when they're together.  I feel like things have evolved a bit (note I didn't say improved), so if nothing else maybe it's a good opportunity for me to talk myself through things and see if I have any a-ha moments!

Jacob

Jacob is definitely becoming a full-fledged teenager.  He has a deeper voice, and I can tell his legs are getting more hairy.  Fortunately, while the hair on his head is definitely getting darker (more of a dirty blond than it used to be), his other hair seems to be blond, which should make the awkward early mustache phase a bit easier to manage.  He's all good with shaving it immediately anyway, or so he says at this point, but suffice it to say, we are well on our way.  He is somewhere north of 5'5", from what we can tell, and rapidly getting more muscular.  He's even using protein powder now to try to bulk up a bit and become more of a force on the basketball court since he'll likely be playing with some older kids this year.  Sometimes I marvel at how his calves have filled out, because they were once so skinny (especially right after his bone cyst surgery), and now they're middle-of-the-road on the bench--not the biggest, but definitely not the skinniest.  He also is coming into his teenage appetite, which is not cheap when he's gluten-free!

The attitude is clearly hitting the teenage years as well.  He's moody and can get overly angry about dumb stuff.  I think it could definitely be worse, but he's decidedly unimpressed by most things.  I'm struggling to plan a vacation this year because he's officially at the stage where everything will be considered boring and he'll only be asking to find a basketball court en route so he can practice.  When we talk about Disney, he talks more about us needing to be at a resort with a court than about any attractions he'd like to see.  He's very singularly focused, obviously, which isn't terrible but does make others' interests a little harder to move up the priority list.  He's also a bit inflexible at times, which means any plans or changes in plans are interrupting whatever vision he had in his head of that period of time.  He'd much rather stay home or only leave to play basketball if at all possible.

He has far more confidence than I ever did at that age, which is a blessing and a curse.  He seems unaffected by new schools or new teams or anything like that.  He's confident in his basketball skills, and they are pretty solid, but like in regular life, I think he has a much easier time seeing others' flaws than his own.  That means we have to be on him for maintaining a work ethic and focusing on his own skills more than worrying about others--he's good but can always be better.  

Keeping him occupied this summer has been harder since we're both busier with work on a regular basis.  He prefers to do basketball with someone (and has periodically blamed the imperfections in our hoop for ruining his shot anyway), and can't go in the pool alone--not that it's been great pool weather anyway.  That means he's on Xbox quite a bit, watches The Simpsons, or maybe eventually retreats to his room to listen to music and mess around on his phone.  And when all of that fails, he bugs his brother, but I'll get into that in a bit.

I will say that he seems to have a decent head on his shoulders about certain things.  When you talk to him about certain teen pitfalls, he seems to answer correctly so far (like, why would I ever do that?!), and sometimes he can be mature about things.  I know sometimes when he sees I'm frustrated he will go the extra mile to take care of something so I'm less frustrated, so I appreciate that.  But like most teenagers he has a lot of good intentions that don't always pan out when it's time to do what's needed.  Like, he wants to work harder in school and get good grades so he can go to Harvard (!), but we'll see what happens in the fall when he has a new teacher that annoys him or he just doesn't feel like it.  Sometimes he seems to want to take care of his own stuff and says we should give him chores (and pay him), but every time I ask him to do something just to contribute to the household chaos reduction, I get brushed off--whether it's putting away his own cereal box or recycling the empty one, or putting away the school backpack that's still sitting where it was on June 4 when he finished school.  I know most of the time he's not trying to be a jerk, but likely his ADHD allows him to not see the empty boxes, couch full of crumbs, or the multiple cups around his spot.  I feel like one of my biggest challenges is teaching him to be on the lookout for that stuff without nagging him.  Otherwise he's going to be living in squalor when he gets older, so we need to start pushing it more now.

Overall, I know things could be worse and the next few years are definitely going to be a roller coaster ride, but we're hanging in there so far.

Carter

Carter is such a wild card.  Where Jacob has always been focused on very specific goals and activities, Carter just sort of floats through life taking it all in.  That's not to say he readily accepts all that he encounters.  His one-time chill flexibility has been replaced with pretty specific opinions on almost everything, but he's much less proactive than Jacob about where he's going and what he's doing--unless it has to do with an electronic device, mind you.  Then he has very clear ideas about what he wants to do, how he's going to do it, and every possible scenario he may encounter.  For a kid that can't remember what I said to him five minutes ago, he speaks with incredible detail about intricate things in games and videos, from weapons to creatures to strategies.  It's hard to follow even when you're paying full attention, let alone when you're slightly preoccupied like I am during a typical workday at home.

I'm glad he's finally passionate about something, as his interests have stayed rather uninvolved for most of his life.  He likes different things, but it's been rare for any one thing to stand out for a significant period of time.  Paw Patrol lasted a couple years, maybe.  He had a couple sports stints.  He liked cars and other vehicles for a while, too, and sometimes goes through certain animal phases.  But none of those things really seemed to stick the way sports has for Jacob since he was just starting to walk.  I know Jacob's an odd case and most kids bounce around a bunch, but I feel like by this age there's usually been a few more really clear things that a kid has latched on to, and that hasn't really been the case for Carter.  

I felt a little bad as we talked to his therapist initially, because when he asked about Carter's strengths I had a hard time coming up with more than a couple given his stubborn, challenging behavior in the last couple years.  My once super-sweet kid now tends to be a little grumpy and particular and oblivious to others.  He likes to run, and he's definitely got a creative mind, but getting him to put those things on display takes effort.  He'd rather be on a device, soaking in information and maybe even putting it to use.  Where Jacob is really good with building anything from Minecraft to Legos, Carter ends up with a lot of concepts that seem interesting but often don't pan out.  His toy constructions are a little odd and rickety, and often take some extra imagination to see what he sees.  His electronic creations are interesting, but often he puts more effort into just getting something functional and as a result the visual elements are lacking a bit.  He's just not a big detail kid currently, aside from the realm of random facts.  He feels a little like that old commercial that talks about "search engine overload" where one person says something, and the person they're talking to starts rattling off irrelevant but similar-sounding things like search engine results usually do.  He will just rattle off this stream of consciousness about any random thing that's minimally related to the thing you just talked to him about.

With all his creativity and random facts, he seems like he should have a lot to write about or draw, or that he would love reading to gain new knowledge on his favorite subjects, but it's a struggle to get him to do any of those things.  We're definitely hoping ADHD medication can help with some of these things, and it already seems to be a bit of a help with summer school assignments, which he's doing mostly without complaint.  But it remains to be seen if we can slow his busy brain down enough to make lower-key activities more enjoyable for him.  He's a bit forgetful and a little clumsy, so school and sports can both be challenges.  So, he immerses himself in YouTube videos and game details instead.  

Even still, he's been a bit better this summer about taking breaks and playing with actual toys.  The Tinkertoys, magnetic tiles, and his action figures have gotten a bit more attention, which has been nice.  I think for the most part he'll start something with a plan, but gets bored or realizes his idea is too complex, and never really gets around to finishing it (or cleaning up).  I've said for a long time that if electronics are an option, he will always pick that option.  It's usually only when they're not (tablet's dead or we have banned him) that he allows himself to get into something else.  It's been better than last summer, but still a challenge.  His hesitance also applies to our little outings.  He's never really thrilled to go on them (unless a playground is involved), but he always ends up having some fun, even if he won't let on how much fun he had.  He still does his fair share of complaining, especially about shopping or anything that's too boring or takes too long, but I guess we're trying to push his limits a bit where we can.

I know he's a good kid, but I feel like he's still a bit of a puzzle.  A few different factors seemed to lead to him getting all twisted up, and I feel like we just need to figure out how to get things untwisted to allow the sweet, easy-going kid to re-emerge.  His brother, school, electronics, and his ADHD have all played a role, so if we can manage those things, I think we'll be on our way. 

Jacob + Carter

Even though the boys can be pretty decent kids separately, when they get together, things usually end up messy.  I've decided that they are, at their core, incompatible.  They are just completely different human beings.  They are both definitively ours, but it's like Jacob got one set of DNA and Carter got the other, and there's no overlap between the two.  Well, I take that back--they both got my dark brown eyes and they both got some crap combo that gave them ADHD.  But for the most part they each got completely different pieces from each of us.   

Here is the classic scenario we've been dealing with for the last two summers (and a lot of other times over the last year and a half):

• Jacob doesn't want to take his medicine first thing in the morning (which is annoying because he has two medicines for the exact purpose of getting him through a full day).  His ADHD craves stimulation, and he gets it primarily by annoying his brother and being difficult with us.  That is how he stimulates his brain--stirring things up.  We yell at him to take his medicine.
• So when he is bugging Carter, Carter tries to tell him to leave him alone.  Jacob doesn't listen and usually one of two things will happen - either they start physically fighting (sometimes under the guise of "playing a game") or Carter gets ticked and kicks, hits, or throws something at Jacob.  If the former happens, it always goes bad, we end up screaming, and have to separate them physically.  If Carter gets the first shot, Jacob acts like he's been shot, plays dead, and claims he did nothing and Carter attacked him anyway.  Even though we all know he was in there uninvited.  
• Carter has a bad habit of getting that first shot in even though these days Jacob's entrance isn't always going to lead to a fight.  Sometimes he's legitimately trying to be nice or ask a question.  But for the past many years, Carter got in a habit of proactively defending himself, and now he's doing it when he doesn't need to, which only leads to more bad blood.
• After physically trying to keep them separated, eventually Jacob is annoyed because Carter is spending too much time in his room.  Jacob is genuinely worried Carter is going to turn into a couch potato loser and wants to get him outside doing sports.  He makes an ill-advised attempt at getting him outside, which rarely goes well.  If Carter does go out, inevitably he comes back in a few minutes later because of some sort of injustice or frustration.
• When they play together, Jacob has a tendency to dominate the situation.  He either plays too hard and Carter gets hurt, or his critiques of Carter's basketball skills hurt his feelings, or Carter's just tired of feeling inferior.  Jacob rarely wants to play another sport, but can sometimes be convinced if Craig or the neighbor wants to play, too.  Carter insists he hates basketball, so it's hard to find a happy medium.  Jacob gets extra mad when he plays what Carter wants to, with the deal they'll do both sports, and then Carter bails before they get to basketball. 
• Back inside, the boys try to play nicely together on Minecraft.  Jacob insists he's trying to let Carter play, but inevitably either he bosses him around or forces Carter to play his way, on building projects he has created, which of course Carter has less allegiance to.  Jacob can't quite understand why Carter might not have fun building sports stadiums, even though sports is clearly not Carter's favorite thing.  Carter likes to play Survival (where they have to fight people off), but Jacob prefers building in Creative.  Usually Carter gets bored or annoyed they can't do more of what he likes, so he leaves.
• More fighting ensues, and every time you try to get to the bottom of it, each kid will one-up the other explaining what was done to them that caused them to lash out.  So Carter hit Jacob but only because Jacob came into his room, but Jacob only did that because he had a question for Carter, but then Jacob annoyed him and wouldn't listen when asked to leave, so Carter lashed out.  But Carter then insists that he only did that because Jacob took his stuffed animal (or his sock--always one sock) and wouldn't give it back, but Jacob says he took the sock because Carter wouldn't answer a simple question.  It just keeps going with no clear starting point other than (usually) Jacob going into Carter's space uninvited because he wants Carter to get off the screens and become a more social person.  But because Jacob was trying to make an honest effort, it frustrates him when he gets in trouble for going in there and disturbing the peace.
• Jacob also needs to work on simply being nice.  He tends to find everything he can to make fun of Carter, downplay his interests, intimidate him, or otherwise just make him feel small and insignificant or dumb.  He does this thing (Google "I like ya cut, G"--easier to do that than explain it) and it makes me CRAZY.  It is so demeaning.  He just can't seem to let any opportunity slide, and as a result Carter can be self-conscious and have very hurt feelings.  Often he feels that he's just joking, but it all just comes across as yet another dig.  It does nothing to build the goodwill and trust they so desperately need.

As I said earlier, they're just incompatible.  They come together and chaos ensues because they're on totally different wavelengths.  Neither is entirely wrong, but they're not entirely right either.  They each have legitimate beefs with the other.  Jacob isn't very nice or accommodating, but he's also right that Carter should take more screen breaks and try to vary his interests a little bit so he can talk to people about something else besides Minecraft or YouTubers.  I appreciate that he's taking some interest in assisting him with that, but with the lack of trust between them, it just doesn't come across properly.  Carter has been bullied nearly constantly for years, so it's not surprising he has some challenges to work through.  We're working on them and it takes time, but he really does need to stop lashing out at Jacob unnecessarily in the meantime, because that just enrages Jacob even more and starts the cycle all over again.  

Despite all this, I feel like they're trying harder to make it work than they ever have.  When they do work together on Minecraft or play Wii games together, they can go a solid hour without fighting.  Eventually something goes wrong, it seems, but those little moments are good.  Just today they worked together on a Minecraft baseball/football stadium and built a giant beer bottle in the outfield that shoots out fireworks.  They were both so proud of it.  We never used to have those moments so I'm thankful when they happen, but we still have a long way to go.  Every time they complain about family therapy we remind them that if they could just figure out how to get along and stop needing revenge over every little thing, we could save a lot of money that we could use on a cool vacation.  But until that happens with greater regularity, back we go every two weeks to talk it through for an hour.  I will say we're not perfect parents either, so we're not guiltless and probably need that time a bit ourselves, but easier kids mean easier parenting--and hopefully no more therapy!  So, long story short, we're probably better off than we were a year ago, but things still need to get better.  A little more self-awareness and effort, and maybe we'll hit "tolerable" one of these days!  But I guess it's progress nonetheless...so I'll take it for now.

A Day to be "Us"

It was a weird week.  On one hand, I was so looking forward to our weekend because we had a much-anticipated family wedding on Craig's side and a family reunion on my side.  On the other hand, the reunion wasn't going to be at the beach (the camp is in the middle of a sale), and all sorts of stuff was driving my anxiety up--my mom's sister's husband got a terrible diagnosis, our friend ended up in the hospital for an allergic reaction to her MS infusion, and COVID cases are rising everywhere, to the point my NYC friend's office shut down because half his team has contracted COVID despite being vaccinated.  That made me infinitely more nervous for what we had hoped might be a "normal" wedding--particularly as we looked ahead to July when we were at the crazy, COVID-edited last family wedding in November.  It made it hard to consistently plan for the weekend--sometimes I was excited, sometimes I was nervous--and as a result, packing and prep were a little disjointed (and it showed because we forgot so many random things this weekend--nothing crazy, but still, it was unlike us).

I'm still trying to take comfort in my flowers and gardens, even if they're still making me crazy with all the rain and just finding a balance to keep things watered and happy.  This random capture on Wednesday when we got back from a rough night of basketball made me happy.

Also, my last different flower from my variety of seed packets finally bloomed.  I had been waiting for these cosmos to bloom, and they're really cute--yellow-orange and yellow so far.

We tried to pack as much as possible before the weekend, but of course we got tripped up by a handful of the usual suspects at the last minute.  Packing up food, using and packing morning toiletries, the lack of a set departure time, wardrobe issues, and Jacob's complete inability to leave his brother alone and get in the shower at a reasonable time (also a perpetual issue on church Sundays) all set us back, and before we knew it, getting to the wedding on time was going to be a challenge.  I was hoping to get dressed and do my hair at my parents' after getting lunch on the way, but then my dress took forever to iron and Jacob took so long getting ready that I had to curl my hair at home and we had to pre-order our Firehouse Subs for pickup along the way and take them to my parents'.  Thank goodness I ate as we drove because I needed every second to get ready, and still managed to forget to change my jewelry.  Craig forgot to pack a tie, so we were both a bit of a mess.  We ran out the door quite late and the GPS had us getting there about five minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start.  And of course it was in the city and parking was a pain, but thankfully there was a side door and a lot of bridesmaids, so we got there as the bridesmaids were coming in and had almost all 10 of their long aisle walks to settle in.  It was the same beautiful church where Craig's other cousin, our former flower girl, got married two years ago.

The ceremony was lovely as always--and maybe even meant more this time around.  For one, Craig's cousin Julie is the only daughter in a family of five kids, so seeing her dad get to walk her down the aisle was meaningful.  Also, this had been a long time coming in more ways than one (the groom is only a year younger than me), and maybe seeing more mature adults committing in that way hit different than it does with wider-eyed younger folks whose path to the altar felt more...inevitable, perhaps?  Anyway, it was great.

Two of the biggest challenges of COVID for me have been the lack of couple time and the lack of making an effort to feel pretty.  We've spent the majority of the last 17 months with the kids.  Yes, there were days when we were home alone when they were at school, but we were rather focused on work for most of that and it wasn't like we could have long, in-depth, kid-free chats at our leisure.  Not to mention that Jacob stays up late all the time, so any late night adult time we used to have has been extra hard to come by.  There have been very few date nights--two dinners and now two weddings, and that's about it.  So you can imagine my excitement to have a half day where we dropped the kids off and had time together.  I was also extra excited to get all dressed up.  Not getting dressed up for work every day has been a blessing and a curse.  Of course it's easier to throw on shorts (or jeans all winter) and a t-shirt, and just doing the bare minimum of hair and makeup, but there's something to be said for making an effort and being rewarded with that feeling of satisfaction from adulting extra well.  I like feeling pretty and it's been a bit hard to come by since all of this started.  

Originally I had a plan to wear a dress I bought a couple years ago super cheap at Kohl's that I hadn't had anywhere to wear it since.  It's a black flowered dress with a slightly fuller skirt and a different hemline (longer in the back), and it felt perfect for a summer wedding.  Well, a few weeks ago I ordered a bathing suit top online at JCPenney for in-store pickup (it was a similar style to a top I have and love, and I got it so cheap), and figured I'd browse the clearance racks while I was there.  I tried on a handful of dresses, mostly just for kicks.  One of them ended up looking way better on me than I expected.  It was a maxi dress with a black halter top and flowy striped skirt (organza-type overlay over a calf-length underskirt).  It fit well and looked elegant but was still comfortable and summery.  But it was $27, which is a lot more than I usually pay for my clearance dresses at Kohl's.  So I put it back on the rack and left.  I was stopping at Kohl's after that to use some Kohl's cash, and the whole way there I was thinking about that dress. When I arrived at Kohl's, I figured out I somehow dropped one of my better masks in the JCPenney parking lot.  Then I didn't find anything of note at Kohl's, which made me think about about that dress even more.  So at the end of the Kohl's trip, I decided the lost mask was a divine sign to go back to JCPenney and grab it (who's going to pick up a mask, after all?  It had to still be there!), then go in and buy the dress.  $27 was still way cheaper than most dresses, and I figured it would also be a good option for my cousin's wedding next May.  So I did just that, and I decided I wanted to wear the new dress to this wedding--but don't worry, the other one got moved to the wedding we're going to in three weeks!

I had Craig take a picture of me in the dress because a Facebook friend wanted to see pictures after I posted the mask story, so I figured this would work.  Bonus points for it being in front of the school Craig attended for one year.

Our plan for the three hours between the reception and ceremony was mostly to go to the new-ish Hofbrauhaus in Buffalo.  As you may know, I am slightly obsessed with Oktoberfest, and ever since the Hofbrauhaus was announced in 2017, I have been waiting to go.  It took extra long for construction, then longer with COVID, but it finally opened a while back, so we wanted to stop in.  But we ended up making one detour to the mall first, so we could look for a tie for Craig.  I also used it as an excuse to upgrade my earrings (after forgetting to change at the house).  We were shockingly successful there (got what we needed cheap), then headed back to the city.

It felt pretty cool to pull up and see this sign!  Always neat when Buffalo gets something special like this!

They did an amazing job converting an old industrial type building to something that looked a bit like a German brewhouse.  

There's some nice outdoor seating and a bar, but it was pretty humid and a little drizzly so we ended up inside at the bar.  Seeing the official mugs and logo was pretty darn cool.  I watched audio and video webcams of the Hofbrau tent at Oktoberfest for years, so to be sitting in something similar was neat.  No live music at the time, unfortunately, but the background music was festive and it was nice to just relax and watch random Olympic events on TV.

And of course, most of all, it was nice to just be out with Craig and be able to have normal conversations that weren't interrupted every five seconds.

We clean up pretty nice!

Craig misunderstood the beer sizes a bit and ended up with the full litre of beer, which was bigger than his head.  After feeling the weight, I have no idea how those Oktoberfest waitresses carry so many of them in one hand!

Mine was a bit smaller!

And, of course, we HAD to have a pretzel!

It all felt a little surreal to be out, looking nice, enjoying a beer and snack, and relaxing with Craig without the kids fighting or complaining they're bored.  Not to mention it was at a place I've been waiting to go to for years, and was the "lite" version of an experience I've wanted to have for much longer.  Fingers crossed that at some point COVID lets up and we figure out how to take a trip to Poland (for Craig) and Germany (for me) and finally get me to Oktoberfest to enjoy more than just the webcams!

That round decoration looked like a keg front.

They had a whole wall of mugs locked up for regulars who have bought one to use each time they're there.  It's apparently a Hofbrau tradition, and it's pretty cool.

After thoroughly enjoying our beer and pretzel and checking the place out a bit, it was time for the reception.  The weather was iffy, but in the end it was a lovely evening with just a few raindrops (literally, just raindrops) here and there.  The venue was along the Niagara River near downtown Buffalo, a place I've passed by hundreds of times but never gone to.  Always nice to be by the water.

Dinner was great and we very much enjoyed seeing family and socializing with all the cousins, aunts, and uncles who we see less often (although I've definitely seen the female relatives quite a bit with all the showers!).  We took advantage of the pretty sunset for a selfie, and spent most of the rest of the night chatting on the deck with various sets of relatives.  We barely even got to dance because so many people were outside enjoying the evening and we just kept talking!

We went back to my parents' house full and tired.  I had a rough night of sleep thanks to a leaky inflatable mattress, but at least the report on the kids' night was good!  They had dinner, went to see a nearby traveling replica of the Vietnam Memorial Wall, and apparently didn't drive my parents nuts.  I'll call it a win.  On Sunday we had a family reunion--the one that's usually at the beach--but as I mentioned, the camp is currently going through a sale and something was preventing them from hosting anything right now.  It ended up at the outdoor pavilion at our old church, which was only five minutes from my parents' house and had a basketball net and playground.  The handful of kids there (including Carter) had a lot of fun with water balloons, and it was nice seeing some relatives on my side.  I'll look forward to the return to the beach next year, but the simplified version this year was appreciated.  We had a little issue at the end when Carter dropped a water balloon too close to Jacob, and Jacob insisted it ruined his shoes (the orange pair he got for his birthday), but they weren't really that wet and I think he was being a bit overdramatic.  It's always something with them.  

Which brings me to my next post...an update on the state of affairs in our house. Stay tuned...

News & Notes, Truly Random Edition, The Sequel

More randomness this week...

• My plants have taken a beating lately, but there are some survivors.  The immense amount of rain these last couple weeks has been one problem.  I think it was the cause of a bunch of brown spots on most of my zinnias, both leaves and blooms.  It was only the ones in the backyard, and since the protected front porch ones are fine, my guess is the constant onslaught of rain.  They're still blooming, but they've taken a beating.  I think some of them might have been snacked on by the deer, or maybe just the hard rain knocked petals off?  I think the deer also snacked on my coral bell and hosta flowers, too.  The Japanese beetles have been relentless as well, stripping some zinnia leaves and really doing a job on my string bean leaves.  Fortunately the beans are intact, and I've harvested a ton this week.  My snap peas seem mostly done but they've been fun.  My zucchini plants are struggling with a fungus but I'm hoping they'll be strong enough to kick out a few more.  At least my cukes are really getting going, even though my mom and I determined the store mislabeled the type--these look more like pickle ones, but they still work!  The hydrangeas are still amazing, although officially weighed down after days of being wet.
  
  

  

  Blue!

  
  
  

  Also, I'm not a huge fan of daylillies (they just look disheveled to me--I like symmetry a bit too much, I think), but this one was quite pretty.

  
  
  
  And last but not least, the pumpkin patch is coming back to life!  Three plants survived the deer and have new growth, and the six extras I planted in my post-deer sadness are growing!  They even seem to have survived being completely flooded out over the weekend.   

A few of them already have additional leaves since I took this picture!

• Speaking of rain, it poured for a lot of the weekend, which wreaked all sorts of havoc throughout Western New York.  Carter's last weekend of soccer was over the week weekend, and despite my hope that they'd cancel on Saturday when it was supposed to pour all day, I guess soccer isn't like that!  While Craig and Jacob were at a basketball tournament in Buffalo, Carter and I headed off to the fields in pouring rain after a full night of pouring rain.  The fields were shockingly decent, but it was wet!  By about five minutes in, I think the kids would have been just as well off jumping in a pool and hopping back out to play soccer.  On the sidelines, parents were employing every possible way of staying dry.  Admittedly, it wasn't working too well.  I had a poncho, canopy chair, and umbrella and still ended up with a giant wet spot on the back of one leg, along with a wet sleeve.

After we went home and cleaned up, we went out to a special lunch.  One of our longtime favorites, Carmine's is apparently closing this week.  It's not confirmed anywhere except certain people on social media who claim to be in the know (likely friends and family of employees), but the owner passed away and his wife can't handle the restaurant, and a buyer hasn't been found yet.  I figured we should go there and get a chance to say goodbye while we didn't have to worry about Jacob.  We had a lovely lunch--Carter had a hot dog and fries, I got a chicken finger sub, and we took home a pizza to go.  We will really miss it there, and it makes me sad Jacob's Celiac has prevented us from eating there more often these last eight years.

Fortunately, the sun came back out Sunday morning, and it actually got downright hot by late morning when Carter started soccer again.  My parents were able to come in for his last two games of the season, which was nice since Craig and Jacob were back in Buffalo again.  Jacob did get 11 points in his last basketball game of the season!  Carter's team unfortunately suffered their only loss of the season against the only team that was competitive with them, which was a bit of a bummer.  One bad quarter was all it took, and it didn't help that a couple good players were absent, which hurt comeback chances.  But they've beaten that team previously, so if anything they ended up even with them on the season.  We killed time between the games by grabbing a snack at the concession stand, talking to his best buddy/teammate, and checking out the rather damp playground at the fields.  Turns out that his buddy's mom and I each put down the other's kid on our own kid's school info sheet where you could request classmates.  They may get into trouble together, but I think just having that good friend in a new school could be a huge help.  They won their last game handily, and while Carter didn't have any goals, it was fun to watch one more good game.  Afterward, he got his medal for completing the season, which he was excited to hang on his wall with the one he got two years ago.  I look at it less as a participation trophy and more like a keepsake from a season well-played.  Both of his soccer teams were good, though, so they both felt well-earned regardless.  

• I am getting REALLY nervous about COVID now, particularly with a wedding to attend this weekend.  Cases are going up, even among the vaccinated.  My college friend who works in New York City had his office shut down this week.  Almost half of his vaccinated team has tested positive, and a lot have pretty serious symptoms.  It's really concerning.  And yet, everywhere we go, people are still unmasked.  It'd be one thing if kids were safe, but they're not.  I feel like I'm being gaslighted or something--like I know that the virus is out there, I know everyone is at risk despite vaccination status, and yet the rest of the world is acting like nothing is happening.  I've commented on a couple social media posts that I'm not so much upset with the people that don't want the vaccine--I mean, here we are still hesitating getting Jacob vaccinated, so clearly we understand that it's a new vaccine and brings up questions--but I do have a problem with the people who refuse to get it AND refuse to take other steps for protection, like masking, social distancing, or even any sort of acknowledgement that this is an issue.  Am I worried about death?  Not really, but I am concerned about being sick for weeks, being quarantined in the middle of summer, and facing down long-hauler symptoms.  A healthy college friend of mine dealt with them for months, and my high school friend has weird ones like perpetually pink cheeks and vision changes.  I'd like to avoid that, thanks.  But I know when we walk into that wedding we would stick out like sore thumbs if we choose to mask.  It's so annoying to feel that way when we know that what we're doing is the wiser choice, and I'm just at a loss that everyone seems to think this is done.  Maybe not everyone has a friend like mine with a very real, very concerning story, but you can bet I'm going to plant that seed with people where I can to try to get some support.  All of this has made me question whether our return to work can even happen in the coming weeks.  In two weeks we have to do one day per week at the office, which is probably doable since we won't all be there at once, but if cases continue to rise and it becomes clearer to the powers that be that being vaccinated doesn't mean you're safe, I am curious whether the hospital will start pushing more conservative setups for non-essential office workers again.

Well, I think that's the big stuff.  I just didn't want to let it all slide for another week.  I really hope we'll get into some real fun soon.  Sorry it's a bit boring around here...two summers in a row.

News & Notes, Truly Random Edition

I can find no cohesive anything to string these topics together, so truly random it is.

• I started smell training this week.  We stopped at the natural food store over the weekend for the first time (the one whose commercials were always truly bizarre and like something out of a drug trip with dancing people in fruit costumes) so I could buy the essential oils needed for it.  We also found an odd treasure trove of other interesting things, like more flavors of Jacob's gluten-free licorice and an extra cheap price on Just Water, which Jacob loves, and every possible flavor of a stevia-based soda pop.  The training consists of smelling four oils twice a day - rose, eucalyptus, clove, and lemon.  I'm supposed to really think about what they should smell like and in theory try to rebuild some of those nerve pathways in my brain.  It seems pointless when I can smell nothing, particularly since I'm not 100% sure anymore what clove or eucalyptus smelled like--I'd know them if I smelled them--but supposedly that's not a big deal.  It's supposed to take months, but at this point it's worth a shot.  Sometimes I feel like I get a whiff of something, but who knows.  I really need to get back on track and call the acupuncturist, too.  I am convinced there's some sort of pinched nerve or something since I momentarily get taste now and then.  I just read about some specific acupuncture treatment that worked for someone who never smelled, so it always makes me wonder if it's just weird enough to work.

• Summer school has begun for Carter.  We dipped our toes in last week, just doing a lesson or two here and there, but I'm pretty confident now that if I give him medicine in the morning, he can do two lessons in a row three times a week pretty easily.  I figure on the other days I'll just try to get him to read, or maybe do a bonus lesson here and there.  We just know it is supposed to be 45 minutes each for math and reading per week, which is tough to measure since Carter sometimes takes a while because he stops to talk about what he's doing.  They can take about 10-20 minutes each, so I figure if he does three and maybe a bonus one here and there, he'll be fine.  I actually think he'll be fine regardless because I bet some kids won't even do that (based on the school year), but he does have a teacher looking over his work in the event something looks amiss.  He's been really great about it, though, which is promising.  No complaints or whining for breaks or anything like that.  Let's hope this keeps him in learning mode and carries over to the school year!
  

• COVID cases are going up again.  The delta variant is taking hold and it seems like cases in a lot of areas have doubled in recent weeks.  It's concerning for sure, especially because pretty much anywhere you go these days no one is masked and distancing isn't really happening either.  We've still been wearing masks almost everywhere, especially because the kids should anyway and we're trying to be supportive and also not catch anything and pass it to them.  It's getting downright awkward to go certain places because we might be literally the only people masked.  At Jacob's basketball game the other night (more on that in a second), there were maybe a handful of other people with masks in the entire building, and even kids didn't have them.  It just makes me wonder if people really don't think it's an issue?  Have they not read the news (or more likely, do they just not believe it)?  The tough part right now is that Jacob is eligible for the vaccine, but I'm a bit hesitant to have him get it.  To be fair, he's already had COVID, and depending on what you read, that can be just as effective as the vaccine, maybe for longer than they thought.  Add in that there have been cases of heart inflammation among young men, and we have a rather active boy who could be badly impacted by that, it's a little scary.  I do try to tell myself that COVID can cause that issue as well, and under normal circumstances it would be a higher risk of getting COVID and having that problem than getting it from the vaccine.  But if he's already had COVID, is that the case?  I feel like we'd never forgive ourselves if something went wrong either way, so it's an impossible choice.  Complicating matters is that the CDC said vaccinated students don't need to wear masks in school, and I know he'd much prefer to not wear one.  However, my guess is that by the time school restarts, community transmission might be bad enough to necessitate masks again for everyone so it might not matter regardless.  We'll have to make that call pretty quickly if we decide to get him vaccinated, so he's fully protected by early September.  I think we'll need to let it happen because the risk is tiny, but it's still one of those weird parenting decisions that's harder than it should be.  All of this makes me worry most for Carter, who still can't be vaccinated and is at the mercy of others to help make his mask-wearing effective.  But it's so frustrating that we basically just have to protect ourselves because pretty much everyone else has stopped trying.  It's going to be a rude awakening in the next weeks to months when things start getting bad again.  At least we never got out of the habit.
  

• The weather has been brutal lately.  Up until recently it had been a pretty decent summer.  Not a lot of rain, reasonable temperatures.  But then we had a couple stretches of 65-70 degree temps, lots of clouds, and a TON of rain.  I've never seen it rain so hard so many times as in the last couple weeks, and more is coming tomorrow, just in time for the first day of Carter's season-ending soccer tournament.  The night we went to the drive-in was bad, then last week there was rain that flooded a ton of areas from here to Buffalo (even my parents' basement had a leak when runoff from their garden made it through a basement window), and then a couple times over the last few week it has poured so hard I swore it was going to come through the roof.  I keep having to dump water out of my hanging plants, probably close to a cup each.  Mushrooms and fungal spores popped up all over the yard this week.  Our pool filter opening only has a couple inches above the water.  It makes it hard to do anything outside, even when it's nicer, because things have been damp and humid, and it's maybe even harder to schedule things since it's a lot of pop-up thunderstorms that move around a lot.  But the perpetual cloudy days and worrisome rain have taken their toll on me mentally.  It's depressing and frustrating when summer is short enough as it is.  I feel a lot more impacted by the weather when I'm home and can see it all the time, maybe even more so than when I worked in an office with windows because I can actually go out in it more than when I was on the 16th floor.  On the bright side, at least I have access during the periods of time when it's decent so I can schedule my daily wander accordingly.  I'll miss that when I go back to the office.  But it's hard to have a summer stretch like this where it's hard to enjoy it--in the pool or otherwise.
  

• Speaking of the office, it's official - I have to go back one day per week in August and then back full time in September, minus one remote day per week.  I picked Thursday, so I can schedule all of Carter's appointments that day.  I'm hoping they'll be flexible about the week before school starts, because it will be awfully challenging to manage child care for one week if they're not.  My one problem is that my big monitor will need to go back to the office and my plan to use our small TV did not work, so I'm either going to have to schedule big data days around my remote days or buy a monitor.  I really do need to get back to the office but I'm nervous about early mornings and adding a commute back into my day.  I'm really going to have to ease into it, particularly the early wake-ups.  That might take me all of August.  And let's not talk about how challenging it might be to dress myself after all this time--although I am looking forward to digging back into my lonely work wardrobe!

• As I mentioned earlier, Jacob had basketball on Wednesday.  While he is still playing with another team from the organization he played with this spring and summer for a tournament this upcoming weekend, on Wednesday he was with the JV team from his school.  Craig found out through a fellow school dad Facebook friend that the JV team was playing in a high school summer league, and through some series of events, Jacob ended up getting on the team.  Most of the team was the existing JV team, but it seems there's one other kid younger than him who was not on the team this year, along with the little brother of another team member who was on modified with Jacob but played up on the JV team at times this year.  That kid isn't actually that good but their dad is ill so we wondered if maybe they were doing that to make it easier for the dad to see them both play at once.  Anyway, the team isn't very good--three kids basically pass to each other or play "hero ball" taking it in on their own.  Jacob had four points and some great play in the first game but limited playing time and opportunities in the second against a stronger team.  We had to do a lot of talking him down after the game, but hopefully as the coach becomes more comfortable with him, he'll get more opportunities.  This all feeds into a whole other issue that could have Jacob switching schools next year (there's a whole big long story to that one), but let's just say this didn't help matters.  It's fine, he's fine, everything's fine...but next spring could have some intense discussions!

• Our local library has basically been under construction since the pandemic started.  Last February they started working on the bathrooms and lobby, and then the pandemic hit.  They finished up the bathrooms around the time the library reopened, but then they worked on the facade, which necessitated a different entrance.  Then they closed off the children's room for a massive renovation and expansion, which has led to some very close quarters maneuvering through the children's books for the last many months.  Well, last week it opened back up, and coincidentally we had books due this week so we had a chance to go check it out.  Of course, we had to wait out yet another massive rainstorm that hit just as we were ready to leave, which was already the second big one of the day.  We got to see lots of lightning in the distance and some ponding nearby as we drove.  But the library was pretty amazing!  I think the space has pretty much quadrupled, and it's so pretty and full of interactive activities.  Maybe too many, since I may never get Carter to give me feedback on books again!
  
  There's a spot that has a loft area, complete with a two story tree that has a ball track that sucks balls up to the top, where kids can then put them on tracks back down.  The whole thing makes noises, which I actually found really distracting.  The place must be downright chaotic during the day right now.  It was pretty much just us at that time of the evening (now that the library is finally open later than 7pm).
  
  

Top of the tree sending balls down

The space is so big that some of the shelves are still empty.  A lot of books seemed missing but I can't tell if there was a run on them in the first few days of the opening, or if they sent all the books back to the smaller branch that wasn't open, or they just haven't shelved everything yet.  It was weird, and I've decided a reorganized library is as bad as a reorganized grocery store, but it is quite the space.

The stone arch in the distance is basically where the old room entrance was.  There used to be fish tanks all along the wall to the left of it, and admittedly I miss those.

At the bottom of the tree sending balls up

There are tons of places to sit, and a whole bunch of creative play activities.  There's magnetic tiles and cool translucent blocks on light tables, a wall of movable gears, another wall of movable ramps, dollhouses, castle blocks, a garden with fake veggies, magnetic letters and tiles, a play kitchen, a giant Lite Brite, and a pretend store that scans products!

Carter had fun exploring, and I have a feeling I'll at least have an easier time convincing him to come with me in the future.  It's nice to have everything back open, though!

• Still not really any progress on the vacation front, but we're definitely heading into a busy stretch nonetheless.  Both boys have sports this weekend in separate cities, next weekend is a wedding and family picnic, then one quiet-ish week before Jacob does basketball camp and Craig flies to California for work.  That's followed by another potentially quiet week until my brother and his kids arrive and we have another wedding and another family picnic over the same weekend.  Hopefully the following week we can do some things with my brother's crew, and by then we're really in the home stretch of summer, which is slightly terrifying.  I have a couple potential weeks for vacation, should we be able to plan something, but one may not be feasible due to a work conflict.  I missed having a full summer slate last year but I'm finding all of this a little challenging nonetheless.  Coordinating all of this with work, then facing down a fall of possibly more normalcy if the virus doesn't ruin it again.  At least any boredom we have with our current state of affairs has an end date, but it's hard to trust anything anymore or even know if we can go back to our old ways and pretend like all of this never happened--at least as far as getting back in our old routines and being okay with them.  But the delta variant could blow everything up again, so who knows.

Well, I think that's enough for now.  Random, right?

Finding Our Fun, Part 2

As I mentioned in my last post, I was a little bummed that my two days off after the 4th were a little uneventful.  The pool time was nice but I had really hoped for something more.  Jacob had basketball practice on Tuesday night so it was just Carter and me again.  He was asking about going to a playground, but I was bored by all the ones that were coming to mind.  Then I remembered that there was one near the Seabreeze Amusement Park that I saw a friend post pictures of, and it looked cool.  I figured we could go there, benefit from the lake breeze on a warm evening, and maybe even walk out to the pier nearby.  It was in the same area that Craig and I did our anniversary date many years ago.  I think this playground is relatively new, though.  It's actually a great playground for all ages--they had some great little kid equipment, but the big kid stuff was downright awesome!

First up were these spinning cattails...

Carter had a harder time than I did getting them to spin--I think the higher center of gravity helped--but eventually he was getting me to spin him, which caused my phone to fling out of my pocket every time!

The next thing was perhaps the coolest thing I've ever seen on a playground.  It was like a manual version of the swings you find at an amusement park (which, ironically, we could see spinning across the street at Seabreeze).  They had little discs you sat on, and then an adult would run while holding on to one and get it spinning.  We saw one dad who really had them flying outward.  Initially I was hesitant to get on (until I saw a bunch of other adults riding and felt confident it would hold me), but in the meantime I got better at really getting it moving!

Carter was slowing down quite a bit by the time I took this video, but I wanted to include it just to show what it did.  

It was a really nice night despite the hard rain earlier in the day.  I could tell it might be shaping up to be an interesting sunset with how pretty the clouds and sun were.

The playground had a lot of fun, different features.  I liked the front of the "boat" here.  I think we were so enchanted by the setup and wheel we forgot to climb this part!

There was a little rock wall section that Carter enjoyed (especially since his climbing experience at Dick's a few weeks back), and the area below it had a dial you'd spin until you heard a chime, and then you'd hit one of four buttons to hear a "water" sound--either rain, a creek, a waterfall, or a splash.  I wonder if the turning of the dial "charges" a battery inside just enough to play your selection.  It was neat!
 

The fish to climb was cool (and extra hard if you climbed underneath against the slope), and the best part was that at the top you could see over the brush nearby and into Irondequoit Bay!

The cargo net frog was fun, too.  You can see the main equipment from here--the slides were among the best I've found for big people and there was plenty to climb.

They also had a see-saw, and Carter loved going up and down with me!

He also took pride in making me dizzy on a spinning pedestal seat!

When it became clear that the sun was getting closer to setting, I dragged Carter off on a walk to go watch it from the beach.  As we were walking, I captured this shot of the very pinkish-red sun.

And that's about where my phone died!  Thank goodness I had my camera.  As we walked to the beach I showed Carter the bridge that swings into place in the winter.  It swings to open the waterway in the summer, then closes to connect Irondequoit to Webster much more easily in the winter.  You can see the track used to move it down below.
 

It was a pretty view over the bay opposite the sunset.

I had originally wanted to do the pier, but then got confused on which path went where since they both looked sandy, so we eventually ended up on the beach.  I decided to take off my sneakers, and eventually Carter followed suit.  We walked down toward the water as the sun started disappearing behind clouds.

We stuck our feet into the water, and then into the sand.  The water was cool but tolerable, and the squishy sand felt good!  After a few minutes, the sun peeked back out of the cloud as it set further.

Eventually I realized I could ease my feet all the way into the sand.  Carter thought it was like quicksand, and I guess in many ways it was.  The sand in that spot was so easily infiltrated by the water that everything just sunk.  We have a book about quicksand and it definitely brought it to life a bit.  Carter eagerly sunk his feet in, too, when I showed him how.

After the sun set for good and we'd had our fill of sand, we had to take a few minutes to sit on a rock and brush the sand off our feet so we could put our shoes back on.  It was a bit of a process, and admittedly I ended up with some sort of blistery spot on my toe by the time we got home, probably from a small piece of sand (or more likely zebra mussel shell) getting caught between my toes and rubbing as I walked.  Small price to pay for a fun night, though.

Next we walked all the way down a very long pier.

We passed by a bunch of people fishing and Carter eagerly pointed out things in the rocks and shallow water--some real, some imagined!  He also asked why there was only a guard rail on one side of the pier--a very good question!  Maybe the lake side is too rough for one to stay in place?  Or that's the only side that would have waves to push you over to where you'd need the guardrail?

Looking all the way back toward shore

It was such a nice evening--warm and peaceful.  We were both getting tired and it was getting late, and since I didn't have a working phone I was also eager to get back to the car to charge it and call Craig (which didn't end up working anyway--my charger was acting funny).  But I had promised Carter one thing--that we would get one last ride on the swing thing, which had been heavily occupied for the rest of our time at the playground.  Despite it being nearly dark when we got back, there was still a big group at the playground and one family hogged it for a while.  Luckily it was bedtime for them at 9:20, so they headed out and we hopped on--me included this time!  It definitely took some careful coordination to run and spin it, then hop on without missing a beat.  Somehow I did it without hurting myself, and Carter probably could have spent all night spinning! 

I was actually pretty good with that spin, although on the way home I could feel the head fog I get from motion sickness--it was very similar to how I feel on the rare occasion I get carsick (usually after looking at a phone) or if I go on an amusement park ride that's just a little too spinny.  But it was worth it for Carter's joy.  It truly was the coolest playground equipment we'd ever seen!

The next day, after my first day back at work, Jacob had basketball practice again.  Rather than spend it on the same playground we got rained off of the previous week, we did a couple errands and then took the seven minute drive back to the playground we only got five minutes on, so I could fulfill my promise of getting him back there!

Big surprise, his first stop was on this spinning ride!  This one was a bit much for me, but I did what I could to spin him.

The playground was really cool.  There were lots of different things to climb, and even had challenges for me.  

The big set of ropes and cargo nets (to the right above) was a lot of fun.  It had a "tunnel" of ropes up, and then two different levels with spots to sit.  I absolutely love this shot looking down at Carter from my perch on the top level!

One piece of equipment had plastic bongos, and the thing next to it had two-color cylinders that you could turn to make patterns...or in my case, a secret message!

There was a zipline/tightrope combo, a cargo net to climb, and a bar that Carter did flips on, which you can see him doing below.
 

This was an interesting spot, with a twisting ladder and a curved cargo net.

This flexible surfboard was suspended on both ends and was very hard to balance on.  It took me at least a couple tries to stay on for more than a few seconds, and eventually Carter got it, too!

We had a solid half hour to make up for having to leave the last time, and had a lot of fun before we had to go back and get Jacob.

If that wasn't enough, we went to another playground on Saturday before dinner!  Well, two actually, but they were at the same park.  One looked cool but was busy and a little muddy due to the crazy rain we had this week (Saturday was the one good day in the middle of a lot of rain), so we moved to a smaller one that was empty (and closer to the basketball courts), which made it easier for us to play tag and me to climb.   

First playground, top of the rock climbing tower

Second playground--my crazy climber!

Of course, I wasn't as eager to run and climb this time because earlier in the day I ventured out on a bike ride and made it all the way to Spencerport.  It was a nearly 13.5 mile trip, which was pretty long for my first ride of the year.  But it felt good to be out and getting a workout in the process.  I decided to take the canal path because it was a pretty simple trip, no thinking involved.  It probably wasn't the best call after days of rain because there were a lot of puddles to dodge, but it was manageable.  The last time I went all the way to Spencerport, the bridge was under construction.  This time I crossed over and briefly checked out the main drag in the village.  But knowing my ride was long enough, I headed back pretty quickly.
 

It was a quiet day on the canal, perhaps because it was cloudy--the sun arrived just before I got home--but I did see some kayakers and one small motor boat.  I also saw an inhabitant of my bucket list, one of the rentable houseboats I discovered on our Sam Patch adventure.  I saw one sailing, and right ahead of it were three docked at Spencerport!  They come with bikes and everything, and I desperately want to take the trip up the canal and dock for meals and snacks (and bike rides) at all the little towns!

If you zoom in, you can see the docked boats right near the center of the picture, and the sailing one in the distance behind them.

So...we still haven't had tons of adventure, but I was happy we got out to enjoy some small ones this week.  Now it's back to a full week of work and trying to get into a good groove with summer school.  We dipped our toes in last week but need to get on a real schedule this week.  And, of course, I still need to try to squeak out some time to plan a real vacation, among all these family events and work commitments.  Time to do the impossible!