June is a funny month for me. It's one of my favorite months, and has been since it became associated with the end of school. And while that no longer applies to me myself, I admit I will be relieved when Jacob's school year is over. I will appreciate the break from mandatory homework and the mountain of backpack paperwork. I am determined to keep Jacob reading, though, so creating some motivation for him is high on my list of summer to-dos. Anyway, June is usually when the weather is consistently good (though this year is a little iffy--lots of rain lately and not super warm) and it's usually when life in general shifts into a more relaxed summer mode (not relaxing, mind you, but relaxed). I like summer and June is the start of it, so I've really always loved this month.
But as an adult, June has taken on a life of its own. Each year around this time I tend to recall significant emotional happenings that took place during this month, happenings that each quite literally changed the course of my life.
Twelve years ago, I spent the month of June counting down to my wedding. Last minute details, last minute planning before two weeks away from work, and so much excitement! And let's not forget--counting down to my first vacation in 15 years that involved a plane ride! It was definitely a huge event to look forward to, and a life-changing turning point to commit my life to another person. Besides the emotional changes, we had some logistics to work out, too. We had to look into living arrangements (my apartment lease was up a month after the wedding), figure out how to co-habitate (and do it for a month in a small apartment!), and prepare for all of the changes that marriage brings. As nervous as I was about the event itself going well, I was completely comfortable with the idea of marriage itself, which was very reassuring. It was just a time of anticipation and excitement, and I still smile at how excited I'd get when I'd sneak my wedding ring out of the box and put it on with my engagement ring! I suppose I take that view for granted these days, but when I recall how happy I was to find the right wedding band and then imagine having it on my finger every day, it puts a smile on my face even now.
The wedding went fantastically, and even 12 years later there isn't a whole lot I'd change. A couple tweaks here and there, but the day was really beautiful and our honeymoon was wonderful (aside from the canceled flight on our way home that stranded us in Chicago and left us in a three-hour cab line at O'Hare after midnight). What a June that was, though.
Fast-forward five years, and we were eagerly anticipating the birth of our first child. We had no idea what we were in for--two people with minimal baby experience, in an age where "What to Expect When You're Expecting" was THE main source of pregnancy/baby advice (oh, how blogs would have helped!). This blog was in its infancy. In case you were wondering, seven years ago today I pondered the end of our childless era. A couple days earlier I had taken the last picture I'd get of me pregnant, a full 10 days before delivery. We didn't know the baby's gender, we had no idea if I would go early or late, and we had no clue what to expect once that baby made its appearance. By the time June hit we'd pretty much finished up baby classes and were trying to get the nursery set up. Ideally that would have happened sooner, in particular before the summer heat hit, but a couple hiccups with the furniture pushed that back. I was also insistent that we sort our shower gifts thoroughly and make our returns/exchanges/new purchases before we really got going on the room, since I wanted to have the big picture of everything that would need placing or putting away before I got started. It was such an exciting time, though admittedly scary since we were heading into the unknown. I remember feeling those conflicting emotions, and at the time, the fear almost overshadowed the excitement. But knowing that such a big change was coming was exciting, and each sign that things were happening made my heart beat a little faster.
It turned out that my water broke more than 11 days early, with little lead notice aside from the fact that I was dilating a little more each week. I had very little of the discomfort I had with Carter, so everything ended up pretty unexpected. I had to be induced, pushed for three hours, and ended up with a sunny-side up baby boy who needed to be vacuumed out at 2:40 in the morning. And four hours later he was whisked off to the special care nursery to begin the longest week of our lives, as Jacob was treated for fluid in his lungs, low oxygen levels, and jaundice. I was exhausted and stressed out, and had a mid-week breakdown caused by hormones, sleep deprivation, and the challenges of breastfeeding. We finished out the month by bringing Jacob home just in time for our anniversary, and this blog has documented most of what has happened in the seven years since. But what a crazy month that was.
Finally, three years ago, we were finally coming to the end of a very long year of trying to figure out what the heck my body was doing. After putting off baby #2 for an extra year, thanks to Jacob's trying behavior and the fear of paying for two kids in daycare, we discovered that my body wasn't going to be very cooperative the second time around. We actually got lucky when I got pregnant with Jacob, because things were actually already screwed up then. We just didn't realize how screwed up, because I randomly ended up pregnant before we had to do any major digging. But it was clear the second time around that something was up, and subsequent doctor visits showed that I had a mild case of PCOS that was affecting my cycles and made it almost impossible to time anything out. So, I took Clomid as directed, and this weekend marks three years since the day I got a hormone shot and was sent home with directions to....well, you know. And sure enough, a couple weeks later we got a faint positive test. A week after that we got positive bloodwork results, and a little more than seven months after that we had Carter. But the emotions surrounding a year of trying, the relief of getting an answer, and the almost immediate decision to give the Clomid a try were pretty crazy, and it made that June such a whirlwind. And, of course, I spent the next few months feeling like crap, so that summer as a whole was a mess!
It's no wonder this month holds such mixed emotions for me. So many major life changes. They were all good, of course, but life-altering nonetheless. With each change comes a certain degree of wistfulness for what has passed, and an excitement for what's to come. After three pivotal Junes in the last 12 years, I'll take some comfort in the relative ease of this one. Of course, I have a birthday to plan in the next couple weeks, so that will keep me busy enough! I can't believe my first baby boy is going to be seven!
Friday, June 12, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Freeze!
As I've gone through this parenting journey, so much of the time I'm looking ahead to the next big thing. I'm waiting for the next milestone, looking forward to getting out of a less-than-enjoyable phase, or simply excited to see what comes next. But lately I've been wanting to freeze time a bit. Carter is at an amazing age, and I seriously can't get enough.
To be fair, he has his moments. Lately daycare drop-offs have been tough, and his tendency to want to run has been a challenge. He can be a major handful, and he can have an attitude. He has tantrums about random stuff, though they're fortunately short-lived. He gets that mischievous look on his face more than I'd like, and he often does what he knows he shouldn't. But for whatever reason, all of that pales in comparison to the adorable, sweet kid that we see most of the time. There are moments where I wonder if I'd take someone up on the offer of freezing him at this age, because he's just so darn fun. In reality, I do want to see him grow up, and I look forward to seeing what kid of big kid/adult comes out of the sweet kid he is now. I truly hope it sticks. But oh, I really want to find ways to remember how awesome he is now. The video on my camera has been sorely underused, for sure, and I need to rectify that quickly. If I can't freeze him, at least I can document the adorableness.
I can't quite describe what makes him so wonderful, but the funny thing is that strangers see it, too. I can't tell you how often we'll be out and someone will comment about how cute he is. And honestly, I don't think it's just his face, though that is crazy cute itself. I think people just see his demeanor and hear him talking, and somehow instantly see that he's a really cool kid. It's been that way since he was a baby. During our trip to Disney we had so many people--including staff, who see so many kids every day--that were so enamored with him, and it's been happening at home ever since.
As much as he's never been a cuddler like Jacob was (oh, those naps with Jacob were lovely), he's such a great hugger. He will give almost anyone a hug if they ask. And they're real hugs, with arms and everything! He's still working on the kissing thing, but last night at bedtime he gave me the best little kiss...perfect little pucker and everything. He just genuinely likes people and cares about them. The other day I was holding him in one arm and had bags on the other. Somehow I managed to pinch myself with the bags, and I said, "Ouch!" and immediately put him down. Carter said, "Sorry, mama!" and I was like, "Oh, no, buddy, that wasn't you...Mommy hurt herself!" But the sentiment was so sweet. He does stuff like that all the time. Oh, and he's really great about saying "thank you", which is so cute.
He makes such sweet observations about the world, and still has a genuine excitement for the littlest of things. This morning he was so excited by the bunny rabbit in our front yard and the dump truck at the end of our driveway (major road reconstruction...grrrrr) that I could barely drag him upstairs to get him dressed. He loves looking out the window in the car and pointing out vehicles. He's a great shopping buddy as long as he's in a cart or stroller and can watch the world go by. He's at a point where I can almost have a real conversation with him--though obviously his responses are pretty minimal and it's my job to keep things going. I'm appreciating that he's not yet into the 500 questions phase, nor is he a constant chatterbox (unless Jacob is around, at which point the noise is constant and the volume is high).
He still thinks we're all the coolest people he knows, thinks we're pretty funny, and is happy to see us in the morning or at the end of the day. He may not be a great eater sometimes, but he can be entertained with a snack. He loves setting up shop on the couch for an episode of Paw Patrol, and he loves driving his cars around the house. He lives a very simple life, and despite the two-year-old tantrums, his world is relatively drama-free. At least, compared to life with an almost-seven-year-old, it sure feels drama-free!
Looking back in the blog, it's clear to me that we didn't get this same sort of experience with Jacob. While we had moments that were sweet and fun, I can tell that so much of what was happening at this age was hard. Even then he was a challenge. I remember feeling like the terrible twos started right around 18 months and didn't let up for a long time (or ever?!). I remember things being exhausting, a constant barrage of tantrums and challenges. Reading back I can see that we were already having issues with what he was wearing or getting him to put on a coat or to leave his hockey stick at home. We have moments of that with Carter, for sure, but more often than not, he's a very agreeable little kid. Whereas Jacob couldn't be distracted or convinced of anything, Carter usually gets past it pretty quickly. It's like night and day sometimes, and their differences never cease to amaze me.
This post was spawned from the realization that I didn't have this urgency to freeze time when Jacob was this age. I just wanted to push through and get him to an age where he could be reasonable. Little did I know that might never happen, but if nothing else it makes our current situation that much more appreciated. Part of it may be that Carter is our last baby and I hate to see some of these phases end. I know now that this is a pretty "easy" age, and I think his easy phase is easier than some kids', so it's even more precious. I'll admit that I feel a little bad directly comparing the kids, but it's not Jacob's fault he was a much more challenging kid. It's the truth, though. I find it amazing and somewhat comforting to know that a) what we were going through with him really was harder than what a lot of people deal with, as we suspected; and b) that what we went through with him probably didn't have much to do with our parenting skills. After all, we raised both of them and the outcomes were so different! For the longest time I was convinced that we did something wrong, and I suspected that Jacob's tantrums really were worse than what other people insisted their kid was doing, too. But if their kids were anything like Carter, trust me, our situation was worse! We're still dealing with a lot of ridiculousness, but we are managing. It's been a long road, but I'm glad we added a fun little travel companion to join us along the way.
This parenting thing is pretty fascinating.
To be fair, he has his moments. Lately daycare drop-offs have been tough, and his tendency to want to run has been a challenge. He can be a major handful, and he can have an attitude. He has tantrums about random stuff, though they're fortunately short-lived. He gets that mischievous look on his face more than I'd like, and he often does what he knows he shouldn't. But for whatever reason, all of that pales in comparison to the adorable, sweet kid that we see most of the time. There are moments where I wonder if I'd take someone up on the offer of freezing him at this age, because he's just so darn fun. In reality, I do want to see him grow up, and I look forward to seeing what kid of big kid/adult comes out of the sweet kid he is now. I truly hope it sticks. But oh, I really want to find ways to remember how awesome he is now. The video on my camera has been sorely underused, for sure, and I need to rectify that quickly. If I can't freeze him, at least I can document the adorableness.
I can't quite describe what makes him so wonderful, but the funny thing is that strangers see it, too. I can't tell you how often we'll be out and someone will comment about how cute he is. And honestly, I don't think it's just his face, though that is crazy cute itself. I think people just see his demeanor and hear him talking, and somehow instantly see that he's a really cool kid. It's been that way since he was a baby. During our trip to Disney we had so many people--including staff, who see so many kids every day--that were so enamored with him, and it's been happening at home ever since.
As much as he's never been a cuddler like Jacob was (oh, those naps with Jacob were lovely), he's such a great hugger. He will give almost anyone a hug if they ask. And they're real hugs, with arms and everything! He's still working on the kissing thing, but last night at bedtime he gave me the best little kiss...perfect little pucker and everything. He just genuinely likes people and cares about them. The other day I was holding him in one arm and had bags on the other. Somehow I managed to pinch myself with the bags, and I said, "Ouch!" and immediately put him down. Carter said, "Sorry, mama!" and I was like, "Oh, no, buddy, that wasn't you...Mommy hurt herself!" But the sentiment was so sweet. He does stuff like that all the time. Oh, and he's really great about saying "thank you", which is so cute.
He makes such sweet observations about the world, and still has a genuine excitement for the littlest of things. This morning he was so excited by the bunny rabbit in our front yard and the dump truck at the end of our driveway (major road reconstruction...grrrrr) that I could barely drag him upstairs to get him dressed. He loves looking out the window in the car and pointing out vehicles. He's a great shopping buddy as long as he's in a cart or stroller and can watch the world go by. He's at a point where I can almost have a real conversation with him--though obviously his responses are pretty minimal and it's my job to keep things going. I'm appreciating that he's not yet into the 500 questions phase, nor is he a constant chatterbox (unless Jacob is around, at which point the noise is constant and the volume is high).
He still thinks we're all the coolest people he knows, thinks we're pretty funny, and is happy to see us in the morning or at the end of the day. He may not be a great eater sometimes, but he can be entertained with a snack. He loves setting up shop on the couch for an episode of Paw Patrol, and he loves driving his cars around the house. He lives a very simple life, and despite the two-year-old tantrums, his world is relatively drama-free. At least, compared to life with an almost-seven-year-old, it sure feels drama-free!
Looking back in the blog, it's clear to me that we didn't get this same sort of experience with Jacob. While we had moments that were sweet and fun, I can tell that so much of what was happening at this age was hard. Even then he was a challenge. I remember feeling like the terrible twos started right around 18 months and didn't let up for a long time (or ever?!). I remember things being exhausting, a constant barrage of tantrums and challenges. Reading back I can see that we were already having issues with what he was wearing or getting him to put on a coat or to leave his hockey stick at home. We have moments of that with Carter, for sure, but more often than not, he's a very agreeable little kid. Whereas Jacob couldn't be distracted or convinced of anything, Carter usually gets past it pretty quickly. It's like night and day sometimes, and their differences never cease to amaze me.
This post was spawned from the realization that I didn't have this urgency to freeze time when Jacob was this age. I just wanted to push through and get him to an age where he could be reasonable. Little did I know that might never happen, but if nothing else it makes our current situation that much more appreciated. Part of it may be that Carter is our last baby and I hate to see some of these phases end. I know now that this is a pretty "easy" age, and I think his easy phase is easier than some kids', so it's even more precious. I'll admit that I feel a little bad directly comparing the kids, but it's not Jacob's fault he was a much more challenging kid. It's the truth, though. I find it amazing and somewhat comforting to know that a) what we were going through with him really was harder than what a lot of people deal with, as we suspected; and b) that what we went through with him probably didn't have much to do with our parenting skills. After all, we raised both of them and the outcomes were so different! For the longest time I was convinced that we did something wrong, and I suspected that Jacob's tantrums really were worse than what other people insisted their kid was doing, too. But if their kids were anything like Carter, trust me, our situation was worse! We're still dealing with a lot of ridiculousness, but we are managing. It's been a long road, but I'm glad we added a fun little travel companion to join us along the way.
This parenting thing is pretty fascinating.
Monday, June 8, 2015
It Never Stops...
So...we had a rather busy three-day weekend around our house. It was a three-day weekend because, unfortunately, Craig and I both took Friday off to attend a funeral in Buffalo for someone on his side of the family. It wasn't someone we were close to, but we're closer to many of his close relatives and were definitely going to support them regardless. This person was far too young and the circumstances very sad. We wanted to be there on Thursday for the wake, as well, but between Jacob being in school, his baseball game Thursday night, my parents being out of town (so no backup child care), and the fact that I don't get time off for funerals unless I take vacation, it seemed best for us to stay in Rochester on Thursday and to head out on Friday while the kids were at school/daycare. I had to enlist godmother Lori's help to get Jacob on the bus since we had to leave before he was picked up, but it worked out well.
Most funerals we go to end up being a very lengthy day--funeral home, church, cemetery, luncheon--but this one was just the church and a luncheon. It was no less sad, of course, but knowing how exhausting funeral days usually are--between the emotional toll and the physical toll of the long day that usually includes a sleepy drive home--I'll admit it was a bit of a relief to have a shorter schedule. But the service was nice (though the priest was a bit unorthodox--no one is falling asleep in his masses, for more than one reason) and the luncheon was pleasant considering the sad circumstances. When it was over we found ourselves with a free afternoon, which was a nice surprise.
Initially I had wanted to stay in Buffalo and have a bit of a date day, possibly down at the new Canalside development along the water in the city, but due to an issue that cropped up the night before, we decided it was probably best to head home. See, while we were at Jacob's baseball game the previous night, I noticed that a couple of Carter's mosquito bites on his legs had formed rings around them. Of course my first thought was the bullseye of tick bites, but considering there were two of them, one on each leg and in totally different spots, and I had never seen any sort of tick, I didn't want to jump to conclusions. I also didn't think there would have been ticks in the areas where he'd played outside prior to when the bites appeared, but I guess you never know. We're not exactly in the woods, but we're only a couple blocks away from a golf course and we do see deer once in a great while. I posted a picture on Facebook and immediately everyone was commenting that it looked like a tick bite. Now, I don't know how many of those people have ever seen a tick bite in person (possibly a couple), but I still felt like the scenario made it doubtful and I was a little annoyed that no one was saying, "Oh, yeah, I had bug bites freak out on me once like that..", which is what I actually asked for in the post itself. Instead I got more than a dozen people who were immediately convinced it was a tick bite. Sigh. I was going to call the doctor anyway, but had to wait until later in the day to get an appointment.
So...upon returning home from Buffalo, a thunderstorm hit. Craig relaxed with a movie and I headed out to run a couple errands. I stopped at the liquidation sale at a craft store to snag a couple more cheap jewelry making supplies (I'm not totally into it, but I do find it fun to make my simple, limited-skill stuff!), and then went to the upscale consignment store down the plaza and snagged a $5 blouse for work. Love it! I called the doctor to get Carter an appointment, and confirmed it would be after 5:30, meaning that Craig would have to take him. I had to do my volunteer work at the Little League concession stand that night. It's a once-a-year thing and I'm getting pretty good at it now!
Once the schedule for the evening was set, I made the most of my extra time and ran off to Target to pick up a few things. I bought more than I bargained for, as usual, but I got great deals! I then headed home to get ready for my duty and just missed Craig leaving to get the boys. My duty was busy but fun, though it got cut short by a nasty thunderstorm that rolled through. Meanwhile, back at home, the boys did this...
Oh, and the verdict at the doctor was that Carter's bites were just mosquito bites that had a reaction, just as I suspected. The doctor suggested hydrocortisone and Benadryl if he needed it, and the hydrocortisone worked like a charm. They're fine now. And while I appreciate everyone's concern, can I say, "I told you so!"? I'm glad he's fine, though rest assured I am going to continue to keep an eye on him, just in case. Between last week's virus and a little rash he's had around his mouth, it's enough to make me nervous, even after a doctor visit!
Saturday Jacob had a lacrosse game in the morning and a baseball game in the afternoon. In between Carter took a short nap and I spent a couple hours doing my least favorite outside task--trimming our bushes. If you remember, a couple years ago I sliced my finger open with the hedge trimmer and got a few stitches. I've dreaded the job even more since then. Our bushes are all just too big! Some of the evergreens are bare underneath and I can barely reach up to trim them. One of these years we'll need to get them ripped out and start over. I can't wait.
Sunday we were back off to Buffalo for our nephew's birthday party. It was a beautiful day and we had a very nice time. Jacob played a lot of lacrosse with his cousins and their friends. Carter was a very good boy, just riding around on a toy and running around the fenced yard.
Jacob wanted to go in the pool but he didn't want to wear his floatie, so he mostly hung out near the stairs in the shallow end with Craig. We tried to get Carter in, but he didn't like it. He took a little break after his first attempt, and I tried to get him to take a selfie with me, but this was as good as it got...
Oh, and before I forget, here's a good picture of the two of us together, taken at daycare at the Mother's Day ice cream social last month. I finally remembered to send it to myself from the text messages on my phone!
Carter decided he wasn't done with the pool, but he still mostly sat on the stair dipping his feet in. By the end he was putting his hands in a little, so maybe there's hope...
We were all pretty tired by the time we got home and an overnight thunderstorm didn't help me one bit (but the boys all slept through it, thank goodness), but we're off and running on another week anyway. I actually had a busy day at work today (yay!), and Jacob's last lacrosse game is tomorrow. I won't miss the time commitment it involves for him, but I will miss seeing him play that sport for the next five months. He's gotten so much better, and while it doesn't show on the scoresheet yet, I just love seeing him improve. We've got baseball later in the week, too, but luckily the weekend doesn't look crazy just yet! It'll get there, I'm sure!
Most funerals we go to end up being a very lengthy day--funeral home, church, cemetery, luncheon--but this one was just the church and a luncheon. It was no less sad, of course, but knowing how exhausting funeral days usually are--between the emotional toll and the physical toll of the long day that usually includes a sleepy drive home--I'll admit it was a bit of a relief to have a shorter schedule. But the service was nice (though the priest was a bit unorthodox--no one is falling asleep in his masses, for more than one reason) and the luncheon was pleasant considering the sad circumstances. When it was over we found ourselves with a free afternoon, which was a nice surprise.
Initially I had wanted to stay in Buffalo and have a bit of a date day, possibly down at the new Canalside development along the water in the city, but due to an issue that cropped up the night before, we decided it was probably best to head home. See, while we were at Jacob's baseball game the previous night, I noticed that a couple of Carter's mosquito bites on his legs had formed rings around them. Of course my first thought was the bullseye of tick bites, but considering there were two of them, one on each leg and in totally different spots, and I had never seen any sort of tick, I didn't want to jump to conclusions. I also didn't think there would have been ticks in the areas where he'd played outside prior to when the bites appeared, but I guess you never know. We're not exactly in the woods, but we're only a couple blocks away from a golf course and we do see deer once in a great while. I posted a picture on Facebook and immediately everyone was commenting that it looked like a tick bite. Now, I don't know how many of those people have ever seen a tick bite in person (possibly a couple), but I still felt like the scenario made it doubtful and I was a little annoyed that no one was saying, "Oh, yeah, I had bug bites freak out on me once like that..", which is what I actually asked for in the post itself. Instead I got more than a dozen people who were immediately convinced it was a tick bite. Sigh. I was going to call the doctor anyway, but had to wait until later in the day to get an appointment.
So...upon returning home from Buffalo, a thunderstorm hit. Craig relaxed with a movie and I headed out to run a couple errands. I stopped at the liquidation sale at a craft store to snag a couple more cheap jewelry making supplies (I'm not totally into it, but I do find it fun to make my simple, limited-skill stuff!), and then went to the upscale consignment store down the plaza and snagged a $5 blouse for work. Love it! I called the doctor to get Carter an appointment, and confirmed it would be after 5:30, meaning that Craig would have to take him. I had to do my volunteer work at the Little League concession stand that night. It's a once-a-year thing and I'm getting pretty good at it now!
Once the schedule for the evening was set, I made the most of my extra time and ran off to Target to pick up a few things. I bought more than I bargained for, as usual, but I got great deals! I then headed home to get ready for my duty and just missed Craig leaving to get the boys. My duty was busy but fun, though it got cut short by a nasty thunderstorm that rolled through. Meanwhile, back at home, the boys did this...
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| Tents in the living room while watching Despicable Me! |
Saturday Jacob had a lacrosse game in the morning and a baseball game in the afternoon. In between Carter took a short nap and I spent a couple hours doing my least favorite outside task--trimming our bushes. If you remember, a couple years ago I sliced my finger open with the hedge trimmer and got a few stitches. I've dreaded the job even more since then. Our bushes are all just too big! Some of the evergreens are bare underneath and I can barely reach up to trim them. One of these years we'll need to get them ripped out and start over. I can't wait.
Sunday we were back off to Buffalo for our nephew's birthday party. It was a beautiful day and we had a very nice time. Jacob played a lot of lacrosse with his cousins and their friends. Carter was a very good boy, just riding around on a toy and running around the fenced yard.
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| His other sweet ride :) |
Jacob wanted to go in the pool but he didn't want to wear his floatie, so he mostly hung out near the stairs in the shallow end with Craig. We tried to get Carter in, but he didn't like it. He took a little break after his first attempt, and I tried to get him to take a selfie with me, but this was as good as it got...
Oh, and before I forget, here's a good picture of the two of us together, taken at daycare at the Mother's Day ice cream social last month. I finally remembered to send it to myself from the text messages on my phone!
Carter decided he wasn't done with the pool, but he still mostly sat on the stair dipping his feet in. By the end he was putting his hands in a little, so maybe there's hope...
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| Carter, Daddy, and Jacob sticking close to the stairs |
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| Daddy and his boys |
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| Jacob saw me with my camera out and started doing "tricks"...notice the kicked leg! |
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
A Little Funk
Lately things have just been....tough. Monday in particular really stunk, and I just feel like so much has been bumming me out lately.
I know the weather over the weekend and into the beginning of the week didn't help matters. I got cold (mid-40s to low 50s) and rainy. Super rainy. Like it started raining overnight from Saturday to Sunday and never really seemed to stop until yesterday morning. It was so cold and so dreary and it didn't feel at all like June. And with the winter we had, I guess it doesn't take much to fall into the hopeless-due-to-weather department.
My job also hasn't been helping. I'm still thrilled to have it, of course, but the last few weeks have been trying. I'm still not that busy, so it's leading to a lot of very long days. I'm just sort of stuck in a weird spot. It's the end of our fiscal year, so there's a major crunch right now to get a lot of communications out and bring in as much money as we can before the end of the year. My two superiors are crazy busy (and one is just getting over pneumonia), and I think it's hard for them to even take the time to figure out what's out there that they can teach me quickly. They're so busy trying to plow through things, and I'm sure there's still a concern about how well I can do certain things with minimal supervision. I've learned a ton and I think in the long run things will be fine as I learn more and they gain confidence in me, but currently I spend a lot of days either trying to kill time or doing lengthy, tedious projects all day. It's been challenging. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm still sitting here making more money and with better benefits than before, but I don't like feeling like I'm not contributing. Never underestimate the value of feeling like you're helping someone else. Clearly it's important.
Carter came home sick at the end of the day on Monday, which added to Monday's suckiness. He was fine in the morning but started complaining about his belly in the afternoon and had a 102 fever by the time he got picked up. He was such a sad little boy that night, not wanting to eat and asking to go to bed early. I was super nervous about him having a stomach bug, but that never materialized and the worst it got was a bit of a messy diaper yesterday. He has still been complaining about his ears, but the fever was gone last night so I'm just going to keep an eye on the ear thing and take him to the doctor if it seems to be an issue.
Jacob has been his usual challenging self. There are moments where he's great and I'm so proud of him. He just seems to be growing up before our eyes right now, and I can't get over that he's almost done with first grade. Second grade seems so...old. But he is such a challenge right now. He complains about everything. Everything. It's like the whole world is ganging up on him. The past few nights he's been yelling downstairs after bedtime because he can't sleep. He refuses to read, but I refuse to let him play on the iPad because that will only keep him awake later. He's bored and clearly wants company, but I guarantee that our presence will not make him fall asleep faster. Beyond that, he fights us on regular daily life stuff--having to clean up his dirty clothes, brush his teeth, do his homework, remember to hand in his homework, eat his dinner before he gets dessert, go to lacrosse practice, you name it. I told him this morning as he grumbled about a perceived injustice that the people that succeed in life do so because they are better at dealing with adversity. A deep thought to lay on an almost-seven-year-old, I know, but it's true. Successful people deal with their problems and move on. The people that quit halfway through are the ones that don't go anywhere in life. I don't know. I just want him to listen at least some of the time and not question everything. Questioning everything may serve him well later in life, but while he's living under our rules, it does not. It only serves to exhaust everyone.
Beyond that, Monday stunk because there was a sudden death on Craig's side of the family (his cousin's college-age son) and there was a fatal shooting outside the mall five minutes from our house. Turns out the shooter, a cop, is the dad of one of the kids on Jacob's lacrosse team. The victim was suicidal and high on drugs and had an illegal gun, but I imagine the investigation into this one could be a little tough since they're only saying that the victim was reaching for his waistband. The cop did get dragged 70 feet across the parking lot while hanging on to the car, so there's that, but it seems a little extreme that the guy got shot twice. Basically, Monday was just a disaster, but the funk has been hanging in there for a while now.
Like I said, I think my job has been a major contributor, but I can also tell I'm getting to the point where I'm craving some alone time with Craig and it feels like it'll never happen. And you know, even if it does, it will come with guilt and possibly a lot of extra work and planning that take some of the fun right out of it. We'd love to take a trip or something, but between my job being busy over the summer, and making sure the kids (and Jacob's dietary needs) don't drive anyone nuts, and just picking somewhere and doing it, it's just hard. But I know we need that time to reconnect and remind ourselves why we found the other so much fun to be with in the first place. The constant chatter from the kids makes it nearly impossible to complete a full sentence, let alone a full conversation, and by the time they're in bed, we're too exhausted to do much besides veg out in front of the screen of our choice. We're fine, mind you, but I'd definitely like to recapture that higher level of connectedness and FUN that tends to go by the wayside when you work all day and wrangle kids at night. Nothing quite beats feeling like stupid-in-love kids again, right? Perhaps my sense of urgency has grown since my parents just spent a couple days in Las Vegas and it's been 11 years this summer since we last went there (and a lot has changed!). That's really the last trip we've been on where we've spent hours by the pool and got adventurous at night (not crazy, just less planned, I guess?). We had a few other pre-kid adventures away from home after that, too. But outside of a hectic 36 hours together when the Knighthawks won the 2013 championship near Vancouver, and a couple nights in Niagara Falls here and there, we haven't had a lot of husband and wife vacation fun since the kids came along. We probably need to rectify that soon, but no doubt it's a challenge to coordinate it all.
Hopefully things will get better soon. The weather is on the upswing, work will get busier, and eventually Craig and I will get some time together...somehow. The kids...well, they'll continue to keep us hopping, but that sort of goes with the territory. As with everything else when it comes to parenthood, it's all a phase and will change soon enough. Now to hang in there long enough for that to happen...
I know the weather over the weekend and into the beginning of the week didn't help matters. I got cold (mid-40s to low 50s) and rainy. Super rainy. Like it started raining overnight from Saturday to Sunday and never really seemed to stop until yesterday morning. It was so cold and so dreary and it didn't feel at all like June. And with the winter we had, I guess it doesn't take much to fall into the hopeless-due-to-weather department.
My job also hasn't been helping. I'm still thrilled to have it, of course, but the last few weeks have been trying. I'm still not that busy, so it's leading to a lot of very long days. I'm just sort of stuck in a weird spot. It's the end of our fiscal year, so there's a major crunch right now to get a lot of communications out and bring in as much money as we can before the end of the year. My two superiors are crazy busy (and one is just getting over pneumonia), and I think it's hard for them to even take the time to figure out what's out there that they can teach me quickly. They're so busy trying to plow through things, and I'm sure there's still a concern about how well I can do certain things with minimal supervision. I've learned a ton and I think in the long run things will be fine as I learn more and they gain confidence in me, but currently I spend a lot of days either trying to kill time or doing lengthy, tedious projects all day. It's been challenging. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm still sitting here making more money and with better benefits than before, but I don't like feeling like I'm not contributing. Never underestimate the value of feeling like you're helping someone else. Clearly it's important.
Carter came home sick at the end of the day on Monday, which added to Monday's suckiness. He was fine in the morning but started complaining about his belly in the afternoon and had a 102 fever by the time he got picked up. He was such a sad little boy that night, not wanting to eat and asking to go to bed early. I was super nervous about him having a stomach bug, but that never materialized and the worst it got was a bit of a messy diaper yesterday. He has still been complaining about his ears, but the fever was gone last night so I'm just going to keep an eye on the ear thing and take him to the doctor if it seems to be an issue.
Jacob has been his usual challenging self. There are moments where he's great and I'm so proud of him. He just seems to be growing up before our eyes right now, and I can't get over that he's almost done with first grade. Second grade seems so...old. But he is such a challenge right now. He complains about everything. Everything. It's like the whole world is ganging up on him. The past few nights he's been yelling downstairs after bedtime because he can't sleep. He refuses to read, but I refuse to let him play on the iPad because that will only keep him awake later. He's bored and clearly wants company, but I guarantee that our presence will not make him fall asleep faster. Beyond that, he fights us on regular daily life stuff--having to clean up his dirty clothes, brush his teeth, do his homework, remember to hand in his homework, eat his dinner before he gets dessert, go to lacrosse practice, you name it. I told him this morning as he grumbled about a perceived injustice that the people that succeed in life do so because they are better at dealing with adversity. A deep thought to lay on an almost-seven-year-old, I know, but it's true. Successful people deal with their problems and move on. The people that quit halfway through are the ones that don't go anywhere in life. I don't know. I just want him to listen at least some of the time and not question everything. Questioning everything may serve him well later in life, but while he's living under our rules, it does not. It only serves to exhaust everyone.
Beyond that, Monday stunk because there was a sudden death on Craig's side of the family (his cousin's college-age son) and there was a fatal shooting outside the mall five minutes from our house. Turns out the shooter, a cop, is the dad of one of the kids on Jacob's lacrosse team. The victim was suicidal and high on drugs and had an illegal gun, but I imagine the investigation into this one could be a little tough since they're only saying that the victim was reaching for his waistband. The cop did get dragged 70 feet across the parking lot while hanging on to the car, so there's that, but it seems a little extreme that the guy got shot twice. Basically, Monday was just a disaster, but the funk has been hanging in there for a while now.
Like I said, I think my job has been a major contributor, but I can also tell I'm getting to the point where I'm craving some alone time with Craig and it feels like it'll never happen. And you know, even if it does, it will come with guilt and possibly a lot of extra work and planning that take some of the fun right out of it. We'd love to take a trip or something, but between my job being busy over the summer, and making sure the kids (and Jacob's dietary needs) don't drive anyone nuts, and just picking somewhere and doing it, it's just hard. But I know we need that time to reconnect and remind ourselves why we found the other so much fun to be with in the first place. The constant chatter from the kids makes it nearly impossible to complete a full sentence, let alone a full conversation, and by the time they're in bed, we're too exhausted to do much besides veg out in front of the screen of our choice. We're fine, mind you, but I'd definitely like to recapture that higher level of connectedness and FUN that tends to go by the wayside when you work all day and wrangle kids at night. Nothing quite beats feeling like stupid-in-love kids again, right? Perhaps my sense of urgency has grown since my parents just spent a couple days in Las Vegas and it's been 11 years this summer since we last went there (and a lot has changed!). That's really the last trip we've been on where we've spent hours by the pool and got adventurous at night (not crazy, just less planned, I guess?). We had a few other pre-kid adventures away from home after that, too. But outside of a hectic 36 hours together when the Knighthawks won the 2013 championship near Vancouver, and a couple nights in Niagara Falls here and there, we haven't had a lot of husband and wife vacation fun since the kids came along. We probably need to rectify that soon, but no doubt it's a challenge to coordinate it all.
Hopefully things will get better soon. The weather is on the upswing, work will get busier, and eventually Craig and I will get some time together...somehow. The kids...well, they'll continue to keep us hopping, but that sort of goes with the territory. As with everything else when it comes to parenthood, it's all a phase and will change soon enough. Now to hang in there long enough for that to happen...
Saturday, May 30, 2015
School Picnic
Last year I remember a paper coming home from school with Jacob announcing the school picnic. I'll be honest--with Jacob's Celiac disease I usually avoid things like that because it just gets too complicated. The fun of the event usually ends up being squelched by the annoyance that results from Jacob not being able to eat what everyone else does. So I tossed the paper out and dealt with Jacob's disappointment later. This time around when the paperwork came home, I knew that I'd hear it from Jacob if we didn't go, so I checked to make sure he really wanted to go and reluctantly wrote the check for all of us to get meals. I made a note that Jacob needed his burger without a bun, and made a mental note that he wouldn't really be able to eat any of the sides or dessert either. Beyond that, I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.
The picnic arrived on Friday and luckily the weather was pleasant, so off we went. We decided to get into the food line right away, and immediately I was on edge. We watched a woman serve up burgers and hot dogs onto buns with gloves. When we got up to the line, I hesitated handing over our tickets and explained to the woman that Jacob has Celiac disease and we were concerned about cross-contamination. She grabbed a pair of tongs, which was helpful, but I unsuccessfully tried to explain to her at least twice that her gloved hands reaching into the pans of burgers after touching buns was a concern. She just could not understand what the issue was an insisted the tongs were enough. She said that her daughter has Celiac disease so she knows what's okay. Ummm, clearly, you don't. Anyway, I eventually gave up arguing and figured it would be minimal exposure, so we just took the burger and went off to eat. He didn't get sick, but GEEZ. I hate having to be that parent.
We finished eating and headed off to check out the activities. The first stop was the playground. Jacob found some of his friends and Carter decided he was going to make his way through the big kids and go down the slide...
He had a blast and did it numerous times, each time with us cringing as big kids did crazy things all around him. He couldn't really understand the concept of waiting until the slide was clear to go down, so some kids standing on the slide or screwing around suddenly had a little kid all up in their space. Oh, well. He did flop face-first on the mulch after his first run due to an unsuccessful dismount, but I was proud to see him go right back up for another round as soon as we brushed him off and dried the tears. His lip was a little bloody and his face had some little dots that I'm guessing were from the impact on the mulch, but he did fine.
We moved to a smaller playset after that, and then moved on to what became the main attraction for the night--the fire truck! At first he was hesitant to go up in it, but decided it looked pretty cool. And once we got him up there, he didn't stop smiling...
Later Jacob took a break from running around with his friends and climbed up in it himself...
No matter how many times we tried to do other things, Carter kept wanting to go back. He became somewhat of a novelty among the firefighters that were there, and they loved his obsession with the truck.
He couldn't get enough of sitting in the driver's seat!
At one point both boys were up in the truck, and this picture pretty accurately represents our life these days...
Later on we went back to another playground (one where Jacob's friend broke his arm the other day...yippee), and Jacob was hanging out with some girl friends on the equipment. Carter tried to climb, but this equipment was pretty big! At one point I hung on the monkey bars and attempted to do a pull-up (ha!), and after Carter saw me hanging, he decided to give it a try...
He's pretty strong, though! He hung in there pretty good!
We did have one other hiccup besides the food. Jacob couldn't find us for a while and got a little panicky. He tracked down the school counselor to help him, and she spotted us before she attempted to call Craig's cell. Happy ending, but it was interesting to see his reaction. In general we had a very nice time, though!
Today Jacob had a baseball game in the morning and we had a pretty low key rest of the day. The one highlight is that the boys played in the sprinkler together this afternoon. The pool is still getting opened (one step at a time) and it was hot, so at first they just played with the hose, and then we got out a fun sprinkler toy that Jacob got a couple years ago and the boys had fun with it! Of course, I don't have pictures because a) it was very wet; and b) I was wet and in the midst of cleaning up a bunch of weeds and didn't want to use my camera in that state. The best of it was short-lived, though, so I'm not sure I would have had time anyway. But it was fun while they were both playing nicely!
A good start to our first "summer" weekend now that Craig is done with his season! Lots of busy weekends to come!
The picnic arrived on Friday and luckily the weather was pleasant, so off we went. We decided to get into the food line right away, and immediately I was on edge. We watched a woman serve up burgers and hot dogs onto buns with gloves. When we got up to the line, I hesitated handing over our tickets and explained to the woman that Jacob has Celiac disease and we were concerned about cross-contamination. She grabbed a pair of tongs, which was helpful, but I unsuccessfully tried to explain to her at least twice that her gloved hands reaching into the pans of burgers after touching buns was a concern. She just could not understand what the issue was an insisted the tongs were enough. She said that her daughter has Celiac disease so she knows what's okay. Ummm, clearly, you don't. Anyway, I eventually gave up arguing and figured it would be minimal exposure, so we just took the burger and went off to eat. He didn't get sick, but GEEZ. I hate having to be that parent.
We finished eating and headed off to check out the activities. The first stop was the playground. Jacob found some of his friends and Carter decided he was going to make his way through the big kids and go down the slide...
He had a blast and did it numerous times, each time with us cringing as big kids did crazy things all around him. He couldn't really understand the concept of waiting until the slide was clear to go down, so some kids standing on the slide or screwing around suddenly had a little kid all up in their space. Oh, well. He did flop face-first on the mulch after his first run due to an unsuccessful dismount, but I was proud to see him go right back up for another round as soon as we brushed him off and dried the tears. His lip was a little bloody and his face had some little dots that I'm guessing were from the impact on the mulch, but he did fine.
We moved to a smaller playset after that, and then moved on to what became the main attraction for the night--the fire truck! At first he was hesitant to go up in it, but decided it looked pretty cool. And once we got him up there, he didn't stop smiling...
Later Jacob took a break from running around with his friends and climbed up in it himself...
No matter how many times we tried to do other things, Carter kept wanting to go back. He became somewhat of a novelty among the firefighters that were there, and they loved his obsession with the truck.
He couldn't get enough of sitting in the driver's seat!
At one point both boys were up in the truck, and this picture pretty accurately represents our life these days...
 |
| Carter is talking or yelling, and Jacob is making a face. Yup, that's us. |
 |
| Swinging! |
We did have one other hiccup besides the food. Jacob couldn't find us for a while and got a little panicky. He tracked down the school counselor to help him, and she spotted us before she attempted to call Craig's cell. Happy ending, but it was interesting to see his reaction. In general we had a very nice time, though!
Today Jacob had a baseball game in the morning and we had a pretty low key rest of the day. The one highlight is that the boys played in the sprinkler together this afternoon. The pool is still getting opened (one step at a time) and it was hot, so at first they just played with the hose, and then we got out a fun sprinkler toy that Jacob got a couple years ago and the boys had fun with it! Of course, I don't have pictures because a) it was very wet; and b) I was wet and in the midst of cleaning up a bunch of weeds and didn't want to use my camera in that state. The best of it was short-lived, though, so I'm not sure I would have had time anyway. But it was fun while they were both playing nicely!
A good start to our first "summer" weekend now that Craig is done with his season! Lots of busy weekends to come!
Friday, May 29, 2015
The Best of Intentions
Parenting is hard. Sometimes I wish that our kids' life success (in the broader sense) was based on our intentions, rather than what we actually do every day. Can you imagine what an amazing, functional society we might have if we as parents could really do all of the things we'd like to do for our kids? I'm not necessarily talking about material possessions or exceptional experiences, though in some cases those things would probably have an impact as well. I'm just talking about something as simple as having more time and energy to sit and play or to just have an uninterrupted, earnest conversation.
But life gets in the way, of course. We spend all day working to make money to keep our kids housed and fed and cared for, to give them some things to call their own, and to provide them with experiences they'll take with them forever. But if our sincere intention is to be able to spend more time with them, wouldn't it be nice if they just felt that love even when the time isn't there?
I know I'm often guilty of using my limited time with the kids to get other things done, when I should be hanging out with them. But after dinner the dishes beg to be cleaned up, and if I don't do it then, motivating myself to do it later seems like a gargantuan task. I know that I should use Carter's naptime on weekends to hang out with Jacob and do things specifically with him, but getting things done is a huge sanity thing for me, as well, and if those things are nagging on me, I probably won't be a great mom anyway. Sometimes he just happens to take that time and keep himself occupied, too, which is a great skill that I don't want to detract from. But sometimes I'm simply too tired to, for example, spend a couple hours outside with him, knowing that when Carter wakes up he'll probably want to do the same thing. So, we rest on our laurels and everything just ends up sub-par. I feel terribly about it a lot of the time, but reality just gets in the way. If only my intentions counted for something.
I'd love to involve the kids in more outings and events to expose them to different things. I'd love to take them on more trips, even short ones, and do more fun activities as a family locally. But between money, crazy schedules, and my simple fear of having to wrangle two crazy kids in the midst of what might be something already chaotic enough, it rarely happens. In a couple weeks, there is a 5K and walk for charity that I really want to participate in. I did it last year in honor of my friend's son who survived leukemia, and I'd really like to do it again. Only, Jacob has baseball that morning, Craig might be on the road, and I sort of swore last year that I didn't want to bring kids again because dragging a stroller around or wrangling kids among the masses just isn't really a good time. So as of now I'm not doing it. I want to involve them in charity things, but sometimes the struggle outweighs the good it might do. Heck, even giving away things to charity is a bit of a sore spot. I mean, right now, Jacob mostly gives everything to Carter, and someday it will be Carter's unfortunate job to make the call on what's OK to be donated. I never liked doing that as a kid, so I can only imagine the torture that lies ahead on that front. I guess on one hand I'm grateful it will be Carter, because I can see Jacob being a lot more difficult with a task like that. At the same time, I feel like Jacob is the one that most needs the experience of thinking of others and doing good deeds. He's very selfish and self-centered a lot of the time and I know he needs more opportunities to exercise the "giving" side of him. But I worry about the backlash and the complaining, so it slides down the list. But gosh, if intentions counted for anything, he'd be in great shape.
I'd like to feed my kids good, wholesome food. Sometimes I am successful, and sometimes I am not. Gluten-free food is expensive as it is, let alone adding in anything organic. And, of course, getting my kids to eat vegetables is a serious challenge, and sometimes it's not worth the battle. Sometimes processed food is the one thing they'll eat to keep the meat on their skinny little bodies. But oh, if intentions counted for anything, they'd be at the peak of health. Well, maybe. I still think there's a value to sticking a couple cookies in Jacob's lunch every day. Life is too short not to eat cookies...especially when you can't eat so many other things!
I'd really like to be a less shouty mom. Most of the time it seems my kids do not listen unless I shout, and half the time they're being so loud that I have to shout. As a result, I usually feel like I don't have a choice BUT to be a shouty mom, but in reality it's really not pleasant for anyone. They don't want to listen to me yelling, I don't like to hear myself yelling, and my throat definitely does not like me yelling. And yet...despite my best intentions, I yell. A lot. But oh, how I wish I could maintain the volume level of (controversy aside) Michelle Duggar, who remains calm and downright sweet when disciplining her kids. The real-life mom in me wants to think she's crazy for being able to stay so calm, but I still wish I could do it.
Ultimately I'd like to look put-together and in-control with my kids, but maintain a loving attitude. I want to have and live out a genuine desire to spend time with them, but still maintain a certain level of productivity. I want to give them the best life possible, but not bankrupt us to do it. A tricky balance, this parenting thing. If only intentions equaled reality...if only I was Superwoman...if only life didn't get in the way of LIFE. Maybe someday I'll figure some of this out, but in the meantime I guess I can't stop trying...
But life gets in the way, of course. We spend all day working to make money to keep our kids housed and fed and cared for, to give them some things to call their own, and to provide them with experiences they'll take with them forever. But if our sincere intention is to be able to spend more time with them, wouldn't it be nice if they just felt that love even when the time isn't there?
I know I'm often guilty of using my limited time with the kids to get other things done, when I should be hanging out with them. But after dinner the dishes beg to be cleaned up, and if I don't do it then, motivating myself to do it later seems like a gargantuan task. I know that I should use Carter's naptime on weekends to hang out with Jacob and do things specifically with him, but getting things done is a huge sanity thing for me, as well, and if those things are nagging on me, I probably won't be a great mom anyway. Sometimes he just happens to take that time and keep himself occupied, too, which is a great skill that I don't want to detract from. But sometimes I'm simply too tired to, for example, spend a couple hours outside with him, knowing that when Carter wakes up he'll probably want to do the same thing. So, we rest on our laurels and everything just ends up sub-par. I feel terribly about it a lot of the time, but reality just gets in the way. If only my intentions counted for something.
I'd love to involve the kids in more outings and events to expose them to different things. I'd love to take them on more trips, even short ones, and do more fun activities as a family locally. But between money, crazy schedules, and my simple fear of having to wrangle two crazy kids in the midst of what might be something already chaotic enough, it rarely happens. In a couple weeks, there is a 5K and walk for charity that I really want to participate in. I did it last year in honor of my friend's son who survived leukemia, and I'd really like to do it again. Only, Jacob has baseball that morning, Craig might be on the road, and I sort of swore last year that I didn't want to bring kids again because dragging a stroller around or wrangling kids among the masses just isn't really a good time. So as of now I'm not doing it. I want to involve them in charity things, but sometimes the struggle outweighs the good it might do. Heck, even giving away things to charity is a bit of a sore spot. I mean, right now, Jacob mostly gives everything to Carter, and someday it will be Carter's unfortunate job to make the call on what's OK to be donated. I never liked doing that as a kid, so I can only imagine the torture that lies ahead on that front. I guess on one hand I'm grateful it will be Carter, because I can see Jacob being a lot more difficult with a task like that. At the same time, I feel like Jacob is the one that most needs the experience of thinking of others and doing good deeds. He's very selfish and self-centered a lot of the time and I know he needs more opportunities to exercise the "giving" side of him. But I worry about the backlash and the complaining, so it slides down the list. But gosh, if intentions counted for anything, he'd be in great shape.
I'd like to feed my kids good, wholesome food. Sometimes I am successful, and sometimes I am not. Gluten-free food is expensive as it is, let alone adding in anything organic. And, of course, getting my kids to eat vegetables is a serious challenge, and sometimes it's not worth the battle. Sometimes processed food is the one thing they'll eat to keep the meat on their skinny little bodies. But oh, if intentions counted for anything, they'd be at the peak of health. Well, maybe. I still think there's a value to sticking a couple cookies in Jacob's lunch every day. Life is too short not to eat cookies...especially when you can't eat so many other things!
I'd really like to be a less shouty mom. Most of the time it seems my kids do not listen unless I shout, and half the time they're being so loud that I have to shout. As a result, I usually feel like I don't have a choice BUT to be a shouty mom, but in reality it's really not pleasant for anyone. They don't want to listen to me yelling, I don't like to hear myself yelling, and my throat definitely does not like me yelling. And yet...despite my best intentions, I yell. A lot. But oh, how I wish I could maintain the volume level of (controversy aside) Michelle Duggar, who remains calm and downright sweet when disciplining her kids. The real-life mom in me wants to think she's crazy for being able to stay so calm, but I still wish I could do it.
Ultimately I'd like to look put-together and in-control with my kids, but maintain a loving attitude. I want to have and live out a genuine desire to spend time with them, but still maintain a certain level of productivity. I want to give them the best life possible, but not bankrupt us to do it. A tricky balance, this parenting thing. If only intentions equaled reality...if only I was Superwoman...if only life didn't get in the way of LIFE. Maybe someday I'll figure some of this out, but in the meantime I guess I can't stop trying...
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
The Best of Times, The Worst of Times
This weekend was a bit of a mixed bag. With it being an activity-filled 3-1/2 day weekend, my hopes were high for a lot of fun and some good photo ops. In the end it had some highs and some lows and a lot of in-between, too. Suffice it to say that I came out of it tired, and as usual, I find myself longing for more time, more energy, and a shorter to-do list.
Friday I took a half day from work so I could get a couple things done and we could get on the road to Toronto at a reasonable time. Craig and I ended up having a last-minute lunch date before I ran off to BJ's to renew my membership and pick up some much-needed diapers. I came home and did a 3.5 mile run in preparation for today's Corporate Challenge. The weather was cool and pretty perfect, but I was a lot slower than I'd hoped. I don't know if it was my less-than-ideal pre-run lunch or what, but I was hoping for a better result tonight.
Anyway, I came home and finished packing, Craig got the kids, and we headed out a bit later than we'd hoped, but within an acceptable timeframe for getting into town outside of rush hour and before it got too late. Of course, at one point Jacob said he wasn't feeling well, then he had a fit about dinner, and after three hours in the car with two crazy kids, things had been eventful enough!
That first night was a little strange, as we were going to be staying in separate places. Craig and Jacob were staying at the team hotel downtown, and Carter and I were staying 20 minutes outside of downtown in a hotel room I booked. We stopped there first to drop off our stuff (as doing that alone with a two-year-old seemed unadvisable), then continued on to drop off Craig and Jacob. It was a lot of driving, but luckily the traffic was fine and Carter fell asleep on the way back, meaning that bedtime was easy and I had blissful hour or so to unwind after we got back.
Life with one kid (and particularly the one without dietary restrictions) seems so easy now. Carter woke up on his own, we got ready, and we headed to the free hotel breakfast. He happily ate his waffle and sausages, and we headed out for our morning activity, a trip to IKEA! It was only about 10 minutes away from the hotel. I hadn't been there in far too long and had a handful of items on my list, including a new reading lamp to go in our living room in a dark corner next to our La-Z-Boy.
We had a nice time wandering through the store, and I let Carter down from the cart when we hit the kids' area so he could play with a couple of the toys they had out. Even though there were fun tents and tunnels and chairs to play with, he only wanted to play with the one thing we have at home--the rocking moose.
And he did NOT want to get up when another little girl wanted a turn. Sigh. Once we got back to shopping, we wandered through the store trying to finish off my list. And eventually we did, lamp included. We paid and put away our purchases, then came back into the restaurant for lunch, so Carter could enjoy his first meal of Swedish meatballs! Also notable about the lunch is that I couldn't find a high chair so he had to sit in a booster seat for the first time. He did great!
He enjoyed the meatballs but actually didn't eat a whole lot. Eventually I just gave up waiting so we could get back to the hotel and he could sneak in a nap before we had to get ready to go to the game.
Of course, before we left Carter decided to run a lap around the dining room, with absolutely zero concern for where I might be. He did get himself a little confused and went looking for me, at which point I had to go track him down. The problem is that I give him the benefit of the doubt that he'll only go as far as he's comfortable, but no...he just keeps going regardless of whether I can see him or he can see me. I don't want to chase after him like a crazy woman immediately, because then it's a game, but then he goes farther than I'm comfortable and I look like a crappy mom because I'm having to chase him down from so far away. The running and chasing was an unfortunate theme of the weekend, despite my appeals to him to stay with me and hold my hand. Ugh.
He fell asleep on the way back to the hotel, so luckily I had another easy transition into the hotel room and a little more down time before we had to leave. In the end he only got about an hour and a half nap, because we had to leave extra early to pick up a gluten-free pizza for Jacob's dinner and then battle traffic to get downtown. Of course, traffic was even worse than I had imagined, bad enough that the GPS tried to take me around it. We only ended up getting downtown 20 minutes later than originally planned, but the bigger problem was that the street to the lot where we were supposed to meet the boys was blocked off when we got there (a movie shoot, apparently, if you can believe that), and without cell service in Canada or any available WiFi, I wasn't sure how I was going to get in touch with Craig. I was stuck in nasty traffic again at that point, and parked the only place I could really get to quickly--an underground ramp on the other side of the arena. We walked back over to where we were supposed to meet them, and I couldn't find them. I ended up telling my sob story to the security guy working at the media gate, and he managed to track down the long-distance calling code for the phone so I could call Craig and tell him where I was. Fortunately, that worked and we were back in business.
After all that we still had to wait for gates to open so Carter and I could grab some dinner, so we killed time in the concourse between the arena and the train station. I tried to take his picture with the arena entrance in the background, and this is what you see:
...and this is what was going on beyond the frame....
Ever since I stopped putting Carter in onesies (once the weather got nicer and he outgrew the last of them), he has been obsessed with his belly. He lifts up his shirt all the time, often mindlessly, and it cracks me up. It's like, "Hey, look at this cool thing I have!"
Oh, and in case you were wondering, all this time Jacob was doing his ball boy duties again. When we finally got into the arena, we got to see him in action...
After Jacob was done being a ball boy, we headed up to the press box to get him to come down and sit with us. However, he ended up staying with Craig, for a few reasons, and we now have proof he CAN be quiet for extended periods of time!
The game ended up being a pretty unfortunate affair. The Knighthawks just had to win to advance to the finals, but if they lost, then they just had to win a 10-minute mini-game to advance. Well, they lost their best offensive player to an injury during their last game, and it seemed like they just couldn't get past that this week. They were barely competitive in the first half, made a game of it in the second half, but just couldn't complete the comeback. The mini-game was a debacle, with Toronto ending up with more goals than we had shots. It was a pretty sad way to end a three-year championship run, but the good news is that we probably wouldn't have beat the team we'd have ended up playing, and we get a bonus extra few weeks with Craig that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Still, it was a bummer. And it didn't help that Carter was an absolute handful for most of the game. He didn't want to sit and he did his runaway act in the concourse whenever he could. It was exhausting.
We all headed back to the hotel after a long night, and the kids were in rare, overtired form. They were crazy in the car, crazy in the hotel room, and crazy once they were in bed. In fact, I strongly suggested to Craig that he leave the room to finish his work for the night so we could turn off the lights and get the kids to finally settle. It took a while, but they did. Still, I was discouraged by the craziness and the morning wasn't much better. So, despite my best intentions to make the most of the trip and do something fun up there, we ended up just heading home after breakfast.
We stopped for lunch in Buffalo and got home in the early afternoon. We unpacked, Carter napped, and I made a quick pudding pie to take to my aunt's house for a Memorial Day picnic. We had a nice time with my family, enjoying the pleasant weather and eating a tasty dinner. I snapped a couple pics of her pretty flowers...
...and Carter was fascinated by the wildlife. They had newborn baby bunnies in their garden (so tiny, hardly any fur, little ears!) and there was a pair of ducks that were having issues. The female kept getting chased by the male, all over their yard and the swamp behind the house. It was actually pretty funny to watch, and Carter got some good up-close views of the female!
The boys played a lot of lacrosse while we were there. Carter is definitely still honing his skills, but he's getting there...
Jacob can actually have supportive big brother moments when it has to do with sports. Look at him here playing goalie! Just check out that smile!
And here is what happened when Carter scored "a goal"...notice the raised stick in celebration!
I knew I wanted to be productive on Monday. I feel like in the past when I didn't get things done on Memorial Day, it set me back for the rest of the summer. I suppose that mostly pertains to outside stuff, since that's the hardest to do with kids around. I'm sure last year wasn't helped by Craig's extended season, either. But I was determined to get some things done. So, I took Carter out with me in the morning to go to Lowe's. I wanted to get more mulch for our front flower bed and get everything I needed to plant our garden, but in the end we struck out there. They didn't have any of the plants I wanted, and none of the mulch in the color I needed. We headed off to Walmart and managed to get the garden stuff, at least.
By the time we got back it was lunch time and naptime. I ran out to Kohl's to take advantage of a couple deals (I finally found a sweater for work and I got Jacob a shirt for his birthday), and then stopped at Wegmans before heading home and getting a head start on the gardening. I went back out after dinner to actually plant the garden, and took Carter out with me since he had a bean plant from daycare that he was excited to plant. Well, once we were out there he only wanted to run around, and of course he wanted to run around the spot where our hose has a leak. So, not only were his feet wet, but he was stirring up the mosquitos. Amazingly, I only saw two bites on him. Me, on the other hand....well, I think between Sunday's picnic and last night, I have somewhere around 40, and 20 of those are on my feet alone. Still, I got the garden planted and hopefully we'll have beans, pumpkins (from our own seeds!), zucchini, cucumbers, red peppers, and grape tomatoes at some point this summer. I have about five more major projects to do around our yard in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those tales.
Anyway, the weekend had some good moments and some not-great moments, but we had a little adventure and a little productivity, so I can't complain too much. Tonight extended our busyness, with the boys heading off to a lacrosse game and me to the Corporate Challenge. I finished the 3.5 miles in 34:04, which was actually one of my slowest times (only seven seconds more than last year), but a victory nonetheless because of my crap run last Friday and because it was really hot tonight. I was afraid I wouldn't break 35 minutes, so being that close to 34 was great. It's still a bit of a bummer considering all of the training time I had this winter, but it's been a busy couple months since I went back to work, so it is what it is. Despite the heat I felt pretty good afterward, so maybe that's my progress! It felt good to take on the challenge again, though, and I even got to say hi to some of my former co-workers afterward. It felt good to be so happy with where I am now, even though I miss some of them and don't like that their lives are harder in my absence. But all in all, it was a good night.
Whew. What a crazy few days it has been!
Friday I took a half day from work so I could get a couple things done and we could get on the road to Toronto at a reasonable time. Craig and I ended up having a last-minute lunch date before I ran off to BJ's to renew my membership and pick up some much-needed diapers. I came home and did a 3.5 mile run in preparation for today's Corporate Challenge. The weather was cool and pretty perfect, but I was a lot slower than I'd hoped. I don't know if it was my less-than-ideal pre-run lunch or what, but I was hoping for a better result tonight.
Anyway, I came home and finished packing, Craig got the kids, and we headed out a bit later than we'd hoped, but within an acceptable timeframe for getting into town outside of rush hour and before it got too late. Of course, at one point Jacob said he wasn't feeling well, then he had a fit about dinner, and after three hours in the car with two crazy kids, things had been eventful enough!
That first night was a little strange, as we were going to be staying in separate places. Craig and Jacob were staying at the team hotel downtown, and Carter and I were staying 20 minutes outside of downtown in a hotel room I booked. We stopped there first to drop off our stuff (as doing that alone with a two-year-old seemed unadvisable), then continued on to drop off Craig and Jacob. It was a lot of driving, but luckily the traffic was fine and Carter fell asleep on the way back, meaning that bedtime was easy and I had blissful hour or so to unwind after we got back.
Life with one kid (and particularly the one without dietary restrictions) seems so easy now. Carter woke up on his own, we got ready, and we headed to the free hotel breakfast. He happily ate his waffle and sausages, and we headed out for our morning activity, a trip to IKEA! It was only about 10 minutes away from the hotel. I hadn't been there in far too long and had a handful of items on my list, including a new reading lamp to go in our living room in a dark corner next to our La-Z-Boy.
We had a nice time wandering through the store, and I let Carter down from the cart when we hit the kids' area so he could play with a couple of the toys they had out. Even though there were fun tents and tunnels and chairs to play with, he only wanted to play with the one thing we have at home--the rocking moose.
And he did NOT want to get up when another little girl wanted a turn. Sigh. Once we got back to shopping, we wandered through the store trying to finish off my list. And eventually we did, lamp included. We paid and put away our purchases, then came back into the restaurant for lunch, so Carter could enjoy his first meal of Swedish meatballs! Also notable about the lunch is that I couldn't find a high chair so he had to sit in a booster seat for the first time. He did great!
He enjoyed the meatballs but actually didn't eat a whole lot. Eventually I just gave up waiting so we could get back to the hotel and he could sneak in a nap before we had to get ready to go to the game.
Of course, before we left Carter decided to run a lap around the dining room, with absolutely zero concern for where I might be. He did get himself a little confused and went looking for me, at which point I had to go track him down. The problem is that I give him the benefit of the doubt that he'll only go as far as he's comfortable, but no...he just keeps going regardless of whether I can see him or he can see me. I don't want to chase after him like a crazy woman immediately, because then it's a game, but then he goes farther than I'm comfortable and I look like a crappy mom because I'm having to chase him down from so far away. The running and chasing was an unfortunate theme of the weekend, despite my appeals to him to stay with me and hold my hand. Ugh.
He fell asleep on the way back to the hotel, so luckily I had another easy transition into the hotel room and a little more down time before we had to leave. In the end he only got about an hour and a half nap, because we had to leave extra early to pick up a gluten-free pizza for Jacob's dinner and then battle traffic to get downtown. Of course, traffic was even worse than I had imagined, bad enough that the GPS tried to take me around it. We only ended up getting downtown 20 minutes later than originally planned, but the bigger problem was that the street to the lot where we were supposed to meet the boys was blocked off when we got there (a movie shoot, apparently, if you can believe that), and without cell service in Canada or any available WiFi, I wasn't sure how I was going to get in touch with Craig. I was stuck in nasty traffic again at that point, and parked the only place I could really get to quickly--an underground ramp on the other side of the arena. We walked back over to where we were supposed to meet them, and I couldn't find them. I ended up telling my sob story to the security guy working at the media gate, and he managed to track down the long-distance calling code for the phone so I could call Craig and tell him where I was. Fortunately, that worked and we were back in business.
After all that we still had to wait for gates to open so Carter and I could grab some dinner, so we killed time in the concourse between the arena and the train station. I tried to take his picture with the arena entrance in the background, and this is what you see:
...and this is what was going on beyond the frame....
Ever since I stopped putting Carter in onesies (once the weather got nicer and he outgrew the last of them), he has been obsessed with his belly. He lifts up his shirt all the time, often mindlessly, and it cracks me up. It's like, "Hey, look at this cool thing I have!"
Oh, and in case you were wondering, all this time Jacob was doing his ball boy duties again. When we finally got into the arena, we got to see him in action...
 |
| Yeah, the other ball boys are bigger, but he holds his own out there! |
And here's our view from our seats. Jacob is around that blue circle at mid-field.
The game ended up being a pretty unfortunate affair. The Knighthawks just had to win to advance to the finals, but if they lost, then they just had to win a 10-minute mini-game to advance. Well, they lost their best offensive player to an injury during their last game, and it seemed like they just couldn't get past that this week. They were barely competitive in the first half, made a game of it in the second half, but just couldn't complete the comeback. The mini-game was a debacle, with Toronto ending up with more goals than we had shots. It was a pretty sad way to end a three-year championship run, but the good news is that we probably wouldn't have beat the team we'd have ended up playing, and we get a bonus extra few weeks with Craig that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Still, it was a bummer. And it didn't help that Carter was an absolute handful for most of the game. He didn't want to sit and he did his runaway act in the concourse whenever he could. It was exhausting.
We all headed back to the hotel after a long night, and the kids were in rare, overtired form. They were crazy in the car, crazy in the hotel room, and crazy once they were in bed. In fact, I strongly suggested to Craig that he leave the room to finish his work for the night so we could turn off the lights and get the kids to finally settle. It took a while, but they did. Still, I was discouraged by the craziness and the morning wasn't much better. So, despite my best intentions to make the most of the trip and do something fun up there, we ended up just heading home after breakfast.
We stopped for lunch in Buffalo and got home in the early afternoon. We unpacked, Carter napped, and I made a quick pudding pie to take to my aunt's house for a Memorial Day picnic. We had a nice time with my family, enjoying the pleasant weather and eating a tasty dinner. I snapped a couple pics of her pretty flowers...
...and Carter was fascinated by the wildlife. They had newborn baby bunnies in their garden (so tiny, hardly any fur, little ears!) and there was a pair of ducks that were having issues. The female kept getting chased by the male, all over their yard and the swamp behind the house. It was actually pretty funny to watch, and Carter got some good up-close views of the female!
The boys played a lot of lacrosse while we were there. Carter is definitely still honing his skills, but he's getting there...
Jacob can actually have supportive big brother moments when it has to do with sports. Look at him here playing goalie! Just check out that smile!
And here is what happened when Carter scored "a goal"...notice the raised stick in celebration!
I knew I wanted to be productive on Monday. I feel like in the past when I didn't get things done on Memorial Day, it set me back for the rest of the summer. I suppose that mostly pertains to outside stuff, since that's the hardest to do with kids around. I'm sure last year wasn't helped by Craig's extended season, either. But I was determined to get some things done. So, I took Carter out with me in the morning to go to Lowe's. I wanted to get more mulch for our front flower bed and get everything I needed to plant our garden, but in the end we struck out there. They didn't have any of the plants I wanted, and none of the mulch in the color I needed. We headed off to Walmart and managed to get the garden stuff, at least.
By the time we got back it was lunch time and naptime. I ran out to Kohl's to take advantage of a couple deals (I finally found a sweater for work and I got Jacob a shirt for his birthday), and then stopped at Wegmans before heading home and getting a head start on the gardening. I went back out after dinner to actually plant the garden, and took Carter out with me since he had a bean plant from daycare that he was excited to plant. Well, once we were out there he only wanted to run around, and of course he wanted to run around the spot where our hose has a leak. So, not only were his feet wet, but he was stirring up the mosquitos. Amazingly, I only saw two bites on him. Me, on the other hand....well, I think between Sunday's picnic and last night, I have somewhere around 40, and 20 of those are on my feet alone. Still, I got the garden planted and hopefully we'll have beans, pumpkins (from our own seeds!), zucchini, cucumbers, red peppers, and grape tomatoes at some point this summer. I have about five more major projects to do around our yard in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those tales.
Anyway, the weekend had some good moments and some not-great moments, but we had a little adventure and a little productivity, so I can't complain too much. Tonight extended our busyness, with the boys heading off to a lacrosse game and me to the Corporate Challenge. I finished the 3.5 miles in 34:04, which was actually one of my slowest times (only seven seconds more than last year), but a victory nonetheless because of my crap run last Friday and because it was really hot tonight. I was afraid I wouldn't break 35 minutes, so being that close to 34 was great. It's still a bit of a bummer considering all of the training time I had this winter, but it's been a busy couple months since I went back to work, so it is what it is. Despite the heat I felt pretty good afterward, so maybe that's my progress! It felt good to take on the challenge again, though, and I even got to say hi to some of my former co-workers afterward. It felt good to be so happy with where I am now, even though I miss some of them and don't like that their lives are harder in my absence. But all in all, it was a good night.
Whew. What a crazy few days it has been!
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