Mom-and-Me Day

No, it wasn't the usual kind of Mom-and-Me Day that I usually post about here.  Instead, it was me and my mom.  A while back I had been talking about wanting to go to Buffalo one weekend to go to the Buffalo AKG Art Gallery to see the Yayoi Kusama exhibit that was there through the beginning of March.  That's the same artist who made that amazing Infinity room that came to the MAG in Rochester a couple years ago.  This one looked pretty awesome, but it seemed like we had so many things come up, from illness to weather to the boys' practice schedules, that it was looking harder to make happen.  My mom mentioned she'd be interested in going, too, but then they were on vacation for a couple weeks in February.  It all seemed to come down to the final weekend, at which point the boys both tested positive for Flu B and I was panicked I'd be next.  Fast-forward and all worked out well in the end, although I found out the day after that it's been extended through May now, so I guess we needn't have rushed.  Oh, well.  It was a good day.

I left around 11am, took some lunch to go and got myself a coffee for the road.  It was an uneventful drive to my parents', and shortly after, my mom and I were off.  We snagged what appeared to be the last spot in the parking ramp, and headed in.  There was a lot that was similar to when Carter and I went a couple years ago, so I didn't take a lot of photos of what was the same.  Unfortunately, the third floor of the new wing, which had some really fun pieces (and my "new" favorite painting, as opposed to the favorites I grew up with), was closed due to a new exhibit being constructed.

There were some fun, different things to see, as always.  This painting had so much color and a whole bunch of hidden symbols.  There are pineapples made out of grenades, for example.  But the artist clearly had a POV and did it with so much movement and color!

This one had me confused for a moment because there was a visible orange glow emanating from it onto the wall.  But it just looked like white plastic, and I couldn't see any sort of colored spotlight.  Then I leaned right up against the wall to see the back side, and it was orange!  So the light shines on the white wall, reflects to the orange, and then the orange reflects back.  It was so interesting!

There were some very odd pieces in this gallery--many of which I had seen previously--but some that were just wacky, like conceptual 60s films of naked people ripping paper or laying facedown in mud.  There was also an exhibit entitled "Red" that led you down a dark-curtained hallway to a darkened room with only a giant screen featuring a red strobe flashing on it.  There may have been periodic sound, but it was hard to tell if that's what it was.  We sat for a minute to see if it did anything else, but nope, not that we saw.  I try to be really open-minded about art, but even those were a little weird to me, let alone my mom.

This pumpkin was a piece from Yayoi Kusama, but separate from the rest of the exhibit.  It was gold and very striking.

I just liked the composition of this one with the white shades, blue sky, yellow accents, sunlight, and shadows.

After making our way around the second floor, it was time for our timed tickets for the Kusama exhibit.  Turns out she's really into pumpkins in general.  She had these very pretty, very detailed pumpkin paintings that looked like she used one of those dotters that people use for painting mandalas these days.  They were pretty amazing.

And then there was this:

This room was so cool, but oddly disorienting.  The all over polka dots were a bit dizzying, and the giant pumpkin in the middle was so fun!

Next it was on to the line for the phallic field.  This was an infinity room like the one I saw in Rochester and the mirrored room I grew up with (though that was not Kusama), but it had a whole floor filled with phallic white and red polka dotted figures.  They appeared to be soft, stuffed pieces, and there was a picture in the exhibit of the artist laying on them once upon a time.

It felt like such a silly, absurd room to be in, but I loved it.  I just wished we had more than 45 seconds in there.

The last room was another infinity room, this time in the dark with giant disco light-type pieces.  The infinity element was pretty intense given the number of real balls plus mirrors lining the entire zig-zag walkway.   But the colors were gorgeous!

Again, the 45 seconds was not long enough--I could have spent all day in there taking pictures and soaking it in.  Up until that point it seemed my mom was a little thrown off by all the weirdness in the modern gallery, but after that, she said it was well worth the price of admission.

We moved on to the older part of the gallery, to where a lot of the mid-century modern art lives.  It's always nice to see the giant Jackson Pollack, the Pointillism artists, and the Rothko that made me realize 29 years ago how much my Art History class taught me.  I'm not sure if I've seen this one before, but I loved the illusion.

There are many rooms filled with many famous names.  I've probably featured most of them in past posts from when Carter and I went, and also from my birthday visit with Heather quite a few years back.  So, as always, there are different pieces that pop up and strike my fancy.  I loved the colors and shapes of this one.

This was a two-sided frame, and as I learned from a Georgia O'Keeffe in Rochester that has a "window" in the wall to see the unfinished work on the back of the canvas, too, artists will paint both sides to save money and materials.  I really liked this side.

The atrium they built here a few years back is so striking, especially on sunny, blue sky days.  My mom had never seen it and was definitely wowed by it.

There was artwork down one hallway that was from young artists in some program they run, and I thought this dinosaur made out of Lego was pretty darn impressive.  Look at that tail!

There was a whole exhibit based around food, and it was pretty entertaining.  It wouldn't be Buffalo without immortalizing wings in a piece.

I remember eating these candies as a kid, from at least one grandma, and so these pictures cracked me up.  It was candies juxtaposed with cut-out pictures of real strawberries (I think, anyway).  Good nostalgia, though.

This took up a whole wall, an interesting take on an Eggo box.

This funny little tomato wall hanging cracked me up a bit, as well.

We headed out shortly after.  Back at my parents' house I looked through a box of ornaments my mom was getting rid of.  I only took three, but they were all small.  One had sentimental value, one was just pretty, and one was from a tole painter whose studio we used to visit a lot with my grandma.  I have a couple driftwood Santas from her, and my grandma always used to gift the grandkids with a large wooden sign painted with flowers, our last name, and the "Est." year of our wedding.  Mine still hangs by my front door.  I have sweet memories of her work, and she was SO talented--like way better than anyone I see at craft shows these days that does similar work.  This ornament was a tiny cinnamon stick painted like a Santa.

All three of us went out to dinner at Ted's--best hot dogs and onion rings around--and then the plan was to head home after.  Well...that didn't quite go as planned.  My dad was in the midst of showing me pictures from their recent cruise when we heard a very loud siren nearby.  And it seemed to stop just as it got loudest, which made my mom hop up and look outside.  Sure enough, there were fire trucks everywhere in front of the house.  The across-the-street neighbor, Bob, who's pretty close with my parents, apparently had a fire in his chimney.  Another neighbor saw flames coming out the top and let him know.  Fortunately they were able to put it out with no damage, but it looked a little precarious for a bit as the smoke just seemed to keep coming.  We laughed because my mom came across a social media post from his grown daughter that said something like, "Geez, Bob!" with the image of the text of the "smoke condition" fire call.  That wrapped up after probably 30-45 minutes, and then I was able to take off.  

It was a really fun day with my mom, and nice to have some time with both parents after not seeing them for a month or so.  However, it really highlighted the fact that I haven't had much in the way of "fun" lately, and with spring fever ramping up this weekend, I am really craving it.  Maybe it's anticipatory as I look ahead to spring travel sports times two, or maybe other people's February break travels made my existence feel extra uneventful.  But man, I really do want some combination of warm weather, beautiful things, and fun new adventures.  Hopefully soon, right?  

Back to the Drawing Board

So, I don't have ADHD.

According to the professionals, anyway.  A few weeks ago I went through all of the evaluations, and I just didn't have enough criteria for a diagnosis.  Not enough in childhood, not enough now.  Of course, I felt like a lot of that was because I've gotten pretty good over the years at masking my symptoms.  No, I wasn't overactive, but I endlessly doodled or read ahead or daydreamed in school.  I talked way too much--in fact, that's about the only thing I usually got in trouble for.  But ultimately I was so grades-motivated that I found ways to overcome those things.  I was a rule follower, so I didn't have the typical tendencies to act out in physical ways, other than being chatty.  But I've always been a serial procrastinator, and I definitely have some hyperfocus tendencies going all the way back to childhood.

As an adult, I've had a job, husband, house, and kids, so I haven't had much choice other than to be on the ball with almost everything.  There are some things that literally have to get done, or the house won't be functional.  Some of that involves social pressure that's kept me motivated, or not wanting to let my family down.  But a lot of the time, I can only convince myself to do things if the consequence of not doing it is worse than the original thing.  But it usually takes a long time for my brain to get to that point, much longer now than it ever has.  So I can get things done, but it's always a process.  For example, I've been trying to write this post for nearly a month.

The lack of a diagnosis doesn't mean I still don't feel like I'm dealing with something, especially in the last few years.  I noticed a shift around COVID--my routines and activities shifted with a different household dynamic (and admittedly more electronics use).  It never really went back to normal, and particularly in the last few years--and especially in the last six months--I've really noticed a shift that's made simple life functioning a lot harder.  My boss (who is a lady of great life experience) says that it's perimenopause, and it very well might be.  Of course, no one seems to know how to manage that, and my own doctor has already dismissed it a bit because I'm still on birth control, so my hormones can't be that out of whack.  But it's making it hard to do the things I need to do, and not getting a diagnosis means that there likely aren't many shortcuts to take.  I have to hope my therapist can now help me manage the symptoms I have, although she did hold out hope that maybe we could get the OK to treat the symptoms I do have anyway.  

What are my symptoms, you might ask?  Well, let's see...

1) Focus - My focus is completely shot most days.  If it's not something I want to be doing, I am endlessly distracted.  Work has become extra challenging.  If it's something I know how to do and has the steps laid out for me, it's easier, but just getting started feels overwhelming some days, even if it's something I'm comfortable with.  It's like, if my brain has to work hard to think through something, it feels like too much.  I also struggle with multitasking, probably because I momentarily lose track of what step is next for one thing when I'm doing a step for the other.  For example, clicking between screens on my computer is weirdly disorienting and it always takes me an extra half a second to remember what I was clicking back to do.  I feel like that happens with cooking lately, too, where I get so caught up in one task that I forget to start another.  Lately I also lose my train of thought so quickly.  I can have it in my head that I need to do something, and some shiny object captures my eye and it's gone.  I'll open up my phone to look up something, see a notification or a different app, and immediately forget what I opened it up to do.  It's so frustrating.  I definitely have more squirrel moments than ever.

2) Avoidance - As I said, I really struggle to start projects or work through complicated things.  I try to keep a to-do list on my phone to keep me on task and lay out my options for downtime, but sometimes it's still hard to motivate myself to do things anyway.  Items languish on that list for weeks or longer.  Some of it is anxiety, for sure--a concern that I won't be able to do something or won't be able to think through a process--but sometimes it's just a mental exhaustion I don't know how to counteract.  I will spend hours on my phone because it's mindless and doesn't feel as complicated or overwhelming as choosing another activity.  Even things I like get put off because it just feels like more than my brain is willing to do at any given moment.  I used to think Carter was just being lazy that he rarely played with any toys that weren't right in front of his face.  But now I suspect I know what was happening - his brain just went to the lowest common denominator and screens were always easier than trying to decide what to do or dig through bins or shelves to find something better.  Like, I could go watch a show, but which show?  And what else should I be doing instead?  Well, I don't know, so I'll just sit here on my phone until inspiration strikes, and often that won't happen until bedtime.  Sometimes I have a series of busy evenings on top of a long work day--I have to work around Jacob's practice schedule, cook dinner (sometimes twice), clean up, go to Wegmans, pick up around the house, fold laundry, etc., and all I really want to do is veg out with my phone.  I forget that I wanted to work out or that I needed to get something done.  So my brain goes to a place where I just don't want to be busy or needed, or have to pay attention to the million things I should be doing around the house.  I literally don't know how people who are cleaning fanatics have any downtime, because I feel like I could be cleaning and scrubbing and decluttering every moment of every day and never catch up.  I realize when it's clean it's easier to keep up, but when I finally do clean my house, which is challenging, I rest on my laurels for a bit and suddenly it's a mess again.  Or I walk in the kitchen 10 minutes later to crumbs on the counter and floor and immediately get discouraged and overwhelmed.  And as I've mentioned, the boys--as much as I love them--just don't see it.  It's impossible to keep up, and sometimes my brain just wants to give up trying.

3) Decision-making - I have always been indecisive, but with certain things it's gone to the next level.  I will stare at my clothes or jewelry and just feel stumped about what to wear.  Sometimes it's simple indecision about what I want to project that day, but other times I look at half my closet and I'm not sure any of it feels like "me".  I don't know when that changed or why.  Maybe it's the extra cold winter that's made it almost impossible to wear high heels or dresses, or maybe my brain is so focused on comfort that jeans win most days.  Or maybe my brain just can't process the series of decisions that some of the clothes involve.  Sometimes I just can't put my finger on who or what I'm feeling like on any given day.  For example, in the past I might wake up feeling like I want to be girly, or comfortable and sporty, or professional.  Most days I just don't see anything that feels like I want to feel, if that makes sense.  Dinner is even worse.  For years during and after the pandemic, I was able to plan our dinners a week in advance.  Right now I can't even plan a day.  Some of that is Jacob's crazy basketball schedule, but most of it is Jacob having weird preferences--almost to the point of food aversions--or paranoia about whether I'm preparing his food safely.  He doesn't want to eat most of what I make anymore, and it's made my brain want to avoid it completely.  I just can't process all of the criteria in order to pick a dinner that fits them all.  It's like setting myself up for failure most days, and I suppose my anxiety throws up a roadblock on planning because I simply don't know what to do.  Picking a free time activity is equally challenging.  Should I blog, read, watch a show, or maybe make some jewelry?  Do I have enough time for any of it?  Maybe it's just easier to sit on my phone because I can stop it quicker.  Do I have any inspiration for my jewelry?  Do I want to think deeply to finish that blog post?  Am I awake enough to read?  It's analysis paralysis all over the place.  I hate it.

I'm sure there's more, but those are the big ones.  I'm just so tired of fighting against my own brain (and body for that matter--but that's another story for another day).  While help may not come in the way I expected, hopefully help will come.

February Photo Dump

Time to do a little catch-up as we work our way through February!  I can't believe March is just over a week away.  I realized that I'll put out my St. Patty's Day decor at that point (if not before), which will be out for barely more than a couple weeks before getting replaced by spring and Easter...just like that!  Now if the weather could get on board with that, that'd be great.  We're out of the deep freeze finally, and the snow has gone down a ton, but we just got some ice and then lots of rain, and I don't think the sidewalks are going to be walkable for a while yet.  Sigh.  Part of me thinks I should buy the mini treadmill I want because the moment I do that it will probably get spring-like out, rendering it useless until November.  Haha.

We had some very unexpected action around here last week.  I woke up last Tuesday to our doorbell ringing at 5:30am.  I immediately panicked and ran downstairs to answer it.  There were flashers outside and I immediately assumed something was on fire.  Thankfully that was not the case, but there was a cop at our door.  He said there was an accident out front and asked if we had seen or heard anything, had cameras, or knew anyone that might be an early riser.  I could only direct him to our across-the-street neighbors that have a camera.  This is what I was seeing outside, with a police car blocking the road right at our driveway.  All I could see was one parked car that appeared to be running, but not much else.

It took a bit for my heart rate to come back down, and I never did get back to sleep.  At 6:30 I got up for the day and saw this in our driveway--three TV cameras.  

At that point I decided it was time to walk outside to see if I could tell what had actually happened.  I thought maybe a car had driven into a house, or something like that.  But it turns out that someone (apparently the driver of that running car) came across an elderly man lying in the road.  Sadly, the man passed away at the hospital.  I'm assuming that he had dementia and had wandered in the middle of the night.  It was a bad time of year for that because it was bitterly cold, snowy, and slippery.  I'm not sure what ultimately happened, but it was tragic.  It definitely had me pretty shaken up that day, in part because the initial panic kept replaying in my head, and also because it was such a sad story.  Definitely more action than our quiet neighborhood is used to, but it was particularly odd knowing the news shots were literally from our driveway!

Sunday was Carter's birthday.  It ended up being a pretty low-key day.  We got ready for church but ended up being too late, so we watched it from home.  Carter and I had some good leftovers for lunch while Craig and Jacob headed out to Jacob's school to get some shots up.  That ended up being longer than expected because the baseball team had the gym when they thought they could get in, so Carter and I just hung out for the afternoon.  I wanted to wait until the boys were back to have Carter open his gifts, which he did, but then he immediately had to leave for baseball practice.  Who is this big kid, anyway?

He got a shirt and pants, a shelf for his baseballs...

...a bunch of stuff for his Sodastream (see the amazement on his face at the fun selection he'll have?)...

...and a new "fake Lego" Aldi.  He got a small one last year, but I couldn't resist the new one since it is full minifigure size and has some cool features, like freezers and shelves.  So, I figured it was worth adding to his food-filled neighborhood of food trucks, vendors, and cafes.  He still has one more thing coming (plus a couple more other gifts to build), but it's a heck of a work in progress.  

I had hoped to make a nice lobster dinner that night, but between Craig and Jacob getting back later than planned, Carter's practice, and that evening's planned activity, it just didn't work out.  That night was our annual free visit at Strong Museum.  The original plan was for me to go early (because we're late every year and I feel like I never accomplish all I'd like to), ideally to get the butterfly garden done, and have Craig and Carter come after practice to meet me.  But in true teenager form--yes, it's starting already--Carter opted out.  He got dinner with the big boys while I wandered around Strong Museum alone.  I was bummed he didn't come, but I tried to make the best of it.  It's a different experience to do the museum without kids, that's for sure.  But I just took things at my own pace and did what I wanted to do.  Not such a bad thing, even if it wasn't as much of a fun memory maker as it used to be.  But I did get some good shots!

I love the way this picture turned out.
 

My priority was the butterflies since that's an extra charge normally.  This lizard right near the entrance is so colorful...but I felt like he was giving me side-eye!

Normally I drive myself nuts trying to find an open blue morpho, because their closed wings are kind of creepy and moth-like, but the inside is gorgeous.  This one cooperated right off the bat.

I was pretty much a living heart-eyes emoji 😍 for the entire half hour or more that I spent in there.  

This was actually a dead one (it tends to happen with so many people (and probably the quail?) walking around), but it was a different one than I've seen and that green was so pretty.

These two were posing so nicely side-by-side.

Around seemingly every curve was another pretty picture.

How did this one match so perfectly?

Another one looking very matchy-matchy!

This one was still flapping its wings, but the body must have been still because the detail there is still amazing.

I followed this one around for a while because it looked so beautiful.  I finally got a picture.

Here was how it looked while flying...

I also caught this majestic sight...

I loved how I caught this one pre-landing.

It was such a lovely, leisurely stroll--good for the soul, for sure.  

I moved on to play some pinball, then eventually worked my way upstairs to play a few other video games.  I wandered into the Video Game Hall of Fame section, and came across a game that cracked me up.  It was a motion sensor game where you had to do different levels as you went through an airport and on to the plane, moving your arms to prevent people from touching your hair.  It's a thing that black women apparently deal with all the time, and someone made a video game to raise awareness.  I can't say that playing it was a great idea with shoulder impingement, as the swats hurt a little, but I appreciated the sentiment.  This was the winning screen--note the commentary, especially the last line. 

I couldn't help but laugh (and text my brother) upon seeing a version of the "risque" computer game we had back in the 90s on display.  It was an "adult" video game because there were hookers and gambling and other adult themes in it, and somehow they thought some kid wouldn't just lie about their birthdate to get into it?  

I scanned most of the displays for anything new, played a few Super Mario levels, and gave the giant Perplexus ball a good run.  I then headed downstairs to check out the new interactive marble run, which I had hoped to do with Carter, and I was bummed to find that they had shut down the action a bit early.  Boo.  

But I love the world's largest marble, probably 9-12 inches in diameter.
   

I finished off the night by making a jellyfish for the video aquarium, acknowledging Carter's birthday that I wished I could have spent more of with him.

At least I was able to come home and finish off Carter's unofficial cake.  He'll get a much more interesting one when we have his party with the grandparents.  But it was SO good!

Still sort of in disbelief that my baby is a teenager!  But he may have officially passed me in height now, so there's no denying it!

In other news, Jacob had two final regular season games Monday and Tuesday.  They lost a very winnable game Monday.  They certainly got outcoached, and there were definitely some questionable personnel decisions--like holding Jacob out for most of the last quarter and overtime, despite being in need of some points.  That was disappointing.  Another team mom called Craig on the way home and was livid, just absolutely blown away by how that game went.

Tuesday was senior night, which was obviously bittersweet.  It was a little odd because it would have been Jacob's senior night had he not reclassified.  It was a little surreal to see his long-time buddy Colby doing the senior night stuff while knowing we have another year for Jacob.

Colby and his family--he's such a good kid.

The whole team posing with the seniors

Later in the game, one of the other seniors got his 1,000th point.  It was a well-deserved honor for another good kid.  I was particularly impressed that he actually gave up his starting spot that game so the other seniors that don't normally start could all be out there.  And even better, he was cheering for them like crazy, both during the announcements and when they scored.  It was really sweet.  Once he got his points, they did a quick photo op with his family right after.

After the game, he and the team posed with the student section.  If you look close, there's a sign there with Jacob's name on it.  

One more team shot to finish the season!

Here's the sign.  Of course, Jacob claimed to not know the girl's name, but we found out later her name is Sophia.  Not a girlfriend or anything, but it was cute.  And that phrase--I had to look it up, but it's a thing--means essentially that his moves are a work of art.

  

They did win that game despite playing all of the bench seniors quite a bit, but Jacob had a rough night and only scored three points.  It was bad enough that after the little reception for the seniors in the cafeteria, he was back up in the gym shooting for a while.  Hopefully he can get his shot back, because sectionals are coming quick and they will need him.  Still, it's impressive that he made it through the season healthy, so that's a win.  This team has a ton of potential if they can just make smart coaching and personnel decisions.

Break week for the kids is almost over now, and I honestly haven't been able to lay down the hammer on the messy house the way I wanted to.  The days I was home this week were Jacob's game days, and then today he had a scrimmage so he's barely been home.  And when I'm at work, it's hard to hold them to anything.  Maybe tonight or tomorrow we can make some progress?

Otherwise, we're just plugging away.  Craig has the weekend off, and we have an interesting little day trip to take as we look ahead to Jacob's next steps.  I got an all-clear with the dermatologist, started PT for my back, and am working through the "backup" that the back x-ray made apparent.  It's a process, but I think I finally got the edge on it.  But why is middle age just a series of doctor's appointments and random ailments?  Regardless, I'm ready for the weekend, for sure!

Thirteen!

Dear Carter,

WELL...it has been A YEAR.  Gosh, if someone would have told me a year ago what was ahead for age 12, I probably would have thought they were nuts.  A year ago we had no hint of the medical challenges that would lie ahead, but thankfully, a year later you're thriving nonetheless.

I knew 12 would be a year of change, and it definitely was.  You're as tall as me (or maybe even have me by a half inch if the doctor's office was right for a change), your feet are way bigger than mine, your voice is deeper, your face has matured, and you're up an incredible 40 pounds from not even six months ago.  A year ago, we had no idea that your body was fighting (or about to fight) such a battle.  You have been a trooper, that's for sure.  From a couple months of GI symptoms and your first colonoscopy (30 years early, sorry bud), to getting a diagnosis of ulcerative pancolitis, then having a little relief before plunging back into the agony of a nasty flare that threatened the beginning of your 7th grade year, it was a rough roller coaster ride for a bit.  By the end of summer, it felt like the light was draining from your soul in a way I hadn't seen since peak pandemic times.  Back then, your undiagnosed ADHD and a general lack of socialization had made you a moody introvert who didn't want to do much of anything aside from staring at a screen.  This time around, your malaise was understandable, as you just felt terrible.  It was hard to do much of anything because you needed bathroom access, and every morning it was a challenge to battle through nausea and pain.  I'm so thankful that your infusions have worked, and I hope that continues.  This can be a gnarly illness, so I'll take whatever relief you can get.  You've been so brave--that colonoscopy prep was a bear, but you did so well.  My one-time needle-phobe now takes everything in stride, from blood draws to hours of IV infusions.  You went through so much pain and so much uncertainty, but it merely slowed you down for a bit before ending up firmly in your rearview mirror.  I'm just so proud of you.

In the middle of the worst of it, baseball was your one joy, and I still don't know how you did it with how low your hemoglobin was and how little nutrition your body was likely able to keep.  You and those skinny arms would go out there and throw and hit like nothing was wrong.  It was incredible.  And now it's incredible to see how tight your baseball pants are after all the growth you've had since the fall season ended!  I'm excited about baseball season--not just for watching you play with this bigger, stronger body, but also to do some traveling with you.  Our little adventures have become quite few and far between, but maybe more to come during our travels!  And hopefully we'll have school baseball coming up too.  I'm not looking forward to extra chilly games in early spring, but there's nothing quite like school sports, and it's finally your turn.

And thank goodness the medical stuff is giving us a break, because I feel like puberty is enough to process!  You definitely look older, and the way you've shot up is crazy.  The difference in your voice even from last summer is shocking.  You had to start shaving the 'stache a month or so ago, and we've had to do a couple rounds of waxing the unibrow.  The acne might be starting a little bit, but hopefully you avoid some of what Jacob has had.  I'm not really ready for hairy armpits and legs yet, but I know that's coming soon.  Before I know it you'll be towering over me like your brother.  It freaked me out a bit a couple weeks ago when I came to wake you up and realized that the little dude I used to snuggle up to every night and some mornings in that bed is now just as big as me!  That blew my mind a little!  I may get a few less hugs these days, but I get it--we're evolving.  And at least you're still pretty sweet to me most of the time.  I see the teenager side emerging--you were ahead of the curve with being embarrassed by your parents, but now I see flashes of a sullen, moody attitude and indifference to things you might have previously enjoyed.  It's not bad, but I see it. 

Sometimes I forget how big you are, though, as there's still a lot of "kid" life floating around here.  We haven't really put away the toys, and stuffed animals are still pretty central to our home life--particularly since Bob the Blue Hippo entered the picture during the worst of your flare in August.  You saw him at Aldi and wanted him, and after yet another lab visit and rough few days, I found one hiding in the shelves and he's been a full-fledged member of the family ever since.  And he's had friends join him.  It's weird at this age to be adding stuffed animals to the mix, but honestly, if it brings us joy, why the heck not?  I came to the realization years ago, after lots of exciting Christmas gift opening gave way to infrequent use, that while it's preferable to get good use out of things, sometimes the moment or sentiment or whatever use they get is still worth it because life is short.  So we'll ride the hippo train as long as we can.  I do think we need to spend part of this week's school break sorting through things.  It's time to take responsibility for cleaning your room and bringing some things up to 13-year-old status.  We'll see, though.  I've already decided that we needed to retire some of the kid silverware and most of the kid plates, cups, and bowls, at least for meals--maybe for snacks they're still handy, I guess.  Jacob grew out of that stuff early because it passed down to you (and, back then he probably thought you using them gave them cooties or something), but we haven't had that push this time around without someone younger.  But it's time.  I am looking forward to you sitting in the front seat of the car with me, though!

This milestone feels like a big one, and it feels like a bigger adjustment with you than it was with Jacob.  How can my baby be so grown up?  I came across this video the other day, and oh man, I miss this sweet little guy:

But the big kid is pretty great too.  As is now tradition, this year's selfies--not as many as usual, but great memories nonetheless:

Even though you're a big teenager now, I hope we have many more adventures and many more selfies to come!  I'm so amazed at the big kid you've become.  It's been quite the ride, but good thing we like roller coasters, right?  Speaking of which, let's get more of the steel kind in soon, too, okay?  We love you so much and can't wait to see what the coming year holds for you.  Happy 13th Birthday, Carter!

Love,
Mom