Thirteen!

Dear Carter,

WELL...it has been A YEAR.  Gosh, if someone would have told me a year ago what was ahead for age 12, I probably would have thought they were nuts.  A year ago we had no hint of the medical challenges that would lie ahead, but thankfully, a year later you're thriving nonetheless.

I knew 12 would be a year of change, and it definitely was.  You're as tall as me (or maybe even have me by a half inch if the doctor's office was right for a change), your feet are way bigger than mine, your voice is deeper, your face has matured, and you're up an incredible 40 pounds from not even six months ago.  A year ago, we had no idea that your body was fighting (or about to fight) such a battle.  You have been a trooper, that's for sure.  From a couple months of GI symptoms and your first colonoscopy (30 years early, sorry bud), to getting a diagnosis of ulcerative pancolitis, then having a little relief before plunging back into the agony of a nasty flare that threatened the beginning of your 7th grade year, it was a rough roller coaster ride for a bit.  By the end of summer, it felt like the light was draining from your soul in a way I hadn't seen since peak pandemic times.  Back then, your undiagnosed ADHD and a general lack of socialization had made you a moody introvert who didn't want to do much of anything aside from staring at a screen.  This time around, your malaise was understandable, as you just felt terrible.  It was hard to do much of anything because you needed bathroom access, and every morning it was a challenge to battle through nausea and pain.  I'm so thankful that your infusions have worked, and I hope that continues.  This can be a gnarly illness, so I'll take whatever relief you can get.  You've been so brave--that colonoscopy prep was a bear, but you did so well.  My one-time needle-phobe now takes everything in stride, from blood draws to hours of IV infusions.  You went through so much pain and so much uncertainty, but it merely slowed you down for a bit before ending up firmly in your rearview mirror.  I'm just so proud of you.

In the middle of the worst of it, baseball was your one joy, and I still don't know how you did it with how low your hemoglobin was and how little nutrition your body was likely able to keep.  You and those skinny arms would go out there and throw and hit like nothing was wrong.  It was incredible.  And now it's incredible to see how tight your baseball pants are after all the growth you've had since the fall season ended!  I'm excited about baseball season--not just for watching you play with this bigger, stronger body, but also to do some traveling with you.  Our little adventures have become quite few and far between, but maybe more to come during our travels!  And hopefully we'll have school baseball coming up too.  I'm not looking forward to extra chilly games in early spring, but there's nothing quite like school sports, and it's finally your turn.

And thank goodness the medical stuff is giving us a break, because I feel like puberty is enough to process!  You definitely look older, and the way you've shot up is crazy.  The difference in your voice even from last summer is shocking.  You had to start shaving the 'stache a month or so ago, and we've had to do a couple rounds of waxing the unibrow.  The acne might be starting a little bit, but hopefully you avoid some of what Jacob has had.  I'm not really ready for hairy armpits and legs yet, but I know that's coming soon.  Before I know it you'll be towering over me like your brother.  It freaked me out a bit a couple weeks ago when I came to wake you up and realized that the little dude I used to snuggle up to every night and some mornings in that bed is now just as big as me!  That blew my mind a little!  I may get a few less hugs these days, but I get it--we're evolving.  And at least you're still pretty sweet to me most of the time.  I see the teenager side emerging--you were ahead of the curve with being embarrassed by your parents, but now I see flashes of a sullen, moody attitude and indifference to things you might have previously enjoyed.  It's not bad, but I see it. 

Sometimes I forget how big you are, though, as there's still a lot of "kid" life floating around here.  We haven't really put away the toys, and stuffed animals are still pretty central to our home life--particularly since Bob the Blue Hippo entered the picture during the worst of your flare in August.  You saw him at Aldi and wanted him, and after yet another lab visit and rough few days, I found one hiding in the shelves and he's been a full-fledged member of the family ever since.  And he's had friends join him.  It's weird at this age to be adding stuffed animals to the mix, but honestly, if it brings us joy, why the heck not?  I came to the realization years ago, after lots of exciting Christmas gift opening gave way to infrequent use, that while it's preferable to get good use out of things, sometimes the moment or sentiment or whatever use they get is still worth it because life is short.  So we'll ride the hippo train as long as we can.  I do think we need to spend part of this week's school break sorting through things.  It's time to take responsibility for cleaning your room and bringing some things up to 13-year-old status.  We'll see, though.  I've already decided that we needed to retire some of the kid silverware and most of the kid plates, cups, and bowls, at least for meals--maybe for snacks they're still handy, I guess.  Jacob grew out of that stuff early because it passed down to you (and, back then he probably thought you using them gave them cooties or something), but we haven't had that push this time around without someone younger.  But it's time.  I am looking forward to you sitting in the front seat of the car with me, though!

This milestone feels like a big one, and it feels like a bigger adjustment with you than it was with Jacob.  How can my baby be so grown up?  I came across this video the other day, and oh man, I miss this sweet little guy:

But the big kid is pretty great too.  As is now tradition, this year's selfies--not as many as usual, but great memories nonetheless:

Even though you're a big teenager now, I hope we have many more adventures and many more selfies to come!  I'm so amazed at the big kid you've become.  It's been quite the ride, but good thing we like roller coasters, right?  Speaking of which, let's get more of the steel kind in soon, too, okay?  We love you so much and can't wait to see what the coming year holds for you.  Happy 13th Birthday, Carter!

Love,
Mom