Our Growing Boy

I got a message today from my friend Heather with adorable pictures of my sweet godson and the message that he's officially in 0-3 month clothes and moved up to size 1 diapers.  I smiled, only because I know those are the first big milestones in a very long line of growth milestones.  Ironically, this week, my first baby hit a milestone of his own--he's officially taller than me.  

It was confirmed at the doctor's office, which he has perpetually accused of measuring him short, so it pretty much has to be true.  I was still doubtful when he told me, but we did back-to-back in sock feet and Craig confirmed he had me beat.  His hair is pretty tall right now, but even if we're even, he'd likely pass me within weeks at the rate he's growing.  I guess it's time to give it up.  It's over.  It's just Carter and me in the bottom half now.

Much ado was made over our Christmas card photo since he appeared significantly taller than me, even though part of it was the angle and me being a bit hunched under Craig's armpit.

He definitely looked taller than me here at a pumpkin patch, but that was the difference between his thickly soled sneakers and my very flat flip flops.

And yet, just over a year ago, we had these:

(Carter was on a box here)

That's a lot of growth in a year!  It's a wonder we haven't been buying pants every couple months!  I guess we did have a hint when last year's school uniform pants weren't even close to going on back in August, but still.  It's crazy when you think they start out like this:

And yet before they hit teenagerhood, they could easily surpass the body that brought them into the world.  His feet passed me more than a year ago, and now the rest has followed.  I still outweigh him by a solid 25-30 pounds, for better or worse, but I have a feeling that won't last too long either.  And yes, in just over five months we will hit the teenage years officially.  I'm still not quite sure how that's possible.

The funny thing is, as a parent who--until this moment--has always been physically bigger, it takes some mental adjustment to live in this new reality.  For example:

• Up until recently I was giving him a kid knife at dinner.  That was maybe less a result of his size and more just his lack of dexterity with a knife, but still...he gets a real one now.  His hands are about the same size as mine, after all. 
• Up until sometime this fall, I hadn't really taken a recent look at the guidelines for riding in the front seat of the car, so he sat in the back.  When I realized he was not only old enough to be up front but also nearly my height and therefore theoretically big enough to handle the airbag, he immediately came up front when riding alone.  
• He can no longer be assumed to take up less space in restaurant booths (not that it matters right now) or living room furniture.  Wherever he's expected to fit, I should expect myself to fit there as well.  
• When he falls asleep on the couch and won't rouse enough to go to bed, I have no choice but to leave him there.  I can't carry someone my size upstairs, after all.
• I have lost most of my leverage for physically removing him from altercations with his brother or spaces I don't want him in.  Yes, I still outweigh him, so I can sort of pull him away with one big pull, but I really don't have a lot of recourse beyond that.  Gone are the days of physically carrying him away from a fight or tantrum to forcibly send him to his room.

We haven't come across this yet, and likely it'll be a while before it's at a critical point, but I know the day is coming where we'll need to get in a car and I will once again be relegated to the back seat because I fit better.  That will be quite a moment to reckon with.  On the bright side, maybe someday I'll need my stool in the kitchen a bit less.  Ironically, he still doesn't eat as much as me--at least not at dinner.  He eats his own weight in snacks each week, I think, but at meals he's not a huge eater yet.  I think his ADHD meds reduce his appetite on a regular basis but boredom wins out during his free time, hence the snacking.  I guess I should consider myself lucky for now, until I have to revamp my dinner portions to accommodate his teenage appetite.  It'll be a sad day when we have to add a third pizza crust, use the whole box of spaghetti, or crack open another bag of shrimp.  We do go through cereal like crazy already, so it's only a matter of time.

Parenthood is definitely full of odd paradoxes.  Probably the most prominent of those is that you want your child to grow but are a little sad when they actually do it.  It starts with that bittersweet feeling as they move out of the newborn phase and catching yourself crying as you pack away another size of clothes, and it moves into marveling with a tear or two over each new year of school or level of sports.  And before you know it, you're looking up at them (or maybe for dads, looking them straight in the eyes) and sending them off into the world.  It's all good--seeing them grow is not a privilege all parents get, sadly--but it's definitely hard to process sometimes.  When your baby is born, you can barely envision their first birthday, let alone starting school or becoming a teenager.  But before you know it, you're there.  With your first, every milestone makes them seem so big!  But the perspective tends to change with kid #2, when they always seem so much younger just because you're inevitably comparing them to their older sibling.  With Carter trailing behind by five years, it always amazed me how young he seemed in comparison at the same ages.  This was Jacob about a month before his eighth birthday, during a school concert.  Interestingly, Carter wore that exact same shirt today.

He looks so much more grown up to me.  He probably was an inch or two taller and probably had a slightly more serious air to him most of the time, but I'm guessing the differences aren't as big as they seem.  But the perspective is just so different from your first to your second.  And when you realize your youngest has surpassed so many milestones you thought were a big deal when kid #1 passed them, it's mind-blowing.  That's when you really start to realize just how fast this time goes.  

I'm sure I'll obsess over this growing-up thing a bit more in four weeks when Carter's birthday comes around, but since the milestones are few and far between these days, I figured Jacob surpassing me in height was probably blog-worthy.  We've come a long way, (big) baby boy.

The Great Escape, Part 2 (a.k.a., Two Small Towns and a Sweet Baby)

After my long afternoon at the museum, the plan was to find a pizzeria in town that a work colleague recommended.  Little did I know the area I was going to was literally a two minute drive over a bridge to a quaint Main Street-type area, though it's actually called Market Street.  I practically could have walked there--and might have if the weather was warmer and I could have changed into different shoes!  I ended up getting a spot on the street just a few storefronts away from the pizza place.  The area was so quaint that I decided to wander a bit before going in and ordering.  The architecture was adorable--gorgeous, well-maintained old buildings housing shops and restaurants for blocks.  Right around the corner from where I parked was this beautiful clock tower. 

I could see there was more beyond it, and sure enough, there was a pedestrian bridge over the Chemung River.  I walked out a bit on to the bridge, and the view was worth it.  On the left is the Corning headquarters.

The view when I turned back around was also very pretty.  Even better in green tree season, I imagine, although I guess you see more without the leaves.

I should note here that we had absolutely no snow at home, so the smattering of snow you see struck me a little funny, and it was even charming when combined with Christmas lights in the trees on Market Street.  Binghamton, on the other hand, still had feet of snow left from the four (!) they got the week before Christmas.  It was so strange considering we had none at home, but still not out of place considering we should have a ton this time of year.

I'm not sure what the purpose was of this pergola right near the bridge, but the vines wrapped around the supports were impressive, and I bet it's really beautiful with foliage.

When I walked back into the square with the clock tower, the view was so pretty with the tower, the hills, the Christmas lights, and the color in the sky.

Another block or so over was the entrance to Corning's headquarters.  This arch was a really imposing structure.

You can see some of the mosaic detail here, particularly if you click on the photo to zoom in.  The shimmer on the letters was so pretty!

There were tile mosaics on the inside of the arch on either side.  This is one of them.

The headquarters itself was also very pretty, particularly with the Christmas lights.

There was a time capsule out front that was placed in 2001 and will be opened in 2051. 

By this point I was pretty much ready to get some dinner, so I wandered back to the pizza place.  Until I walked in and the hostess asked me if I was eating in or not, I literally had no idea whether I was going to eat in or take out.  I wasn't thrilled with the take out option because my next destination was about an hour away, and I didn't want my food to get cold or soggy, even if the microwave at the hotel might have been able to resurrect it.  But I'm still not really comfortable with eating in restaurants, either.  However, I decided in the moment that I'd likely have to sit there and wait anyway, and it would just be easier to grab a spot and eat quickly.  So I wandered upstairs to the bar and found a seat at the end, in chairs presumably purposely pushed to the end to keep social distancing.  I was a weirdo and kept my mask on the whole time I waited, other than sips of water.  There were a decent number of people there, and despite a bit of distancing from other bar patrons and tables of guests, I figured there were enough people there that it couldn't hurt.  Indoor dining there didn't really seem to be affected, so I assumed they weren't in one of the state's cluster zones--and they're not, although there is one about 20 minutes away.  I felt a little funny diligently masking because my guess is people outside the zones are a little less neurotic than those of us that come from an active zone, so I probably looked a little crazy.  Oh well.  My pizza was delicious, though, and after a couple slices I packed up my leftovers and left.  My plan was to drive to the hotel, settle in a little, grab a snack from the A&W Restaurant down the street, and then enjoy a quiet evening alone on my king-sized bed!  And that's just what I did!

I watched a movie I love that I bought a year ago and hadn't had a chance to sit down and watch.  I did my nails and didn't have to do anything that would mess them up, as inevitably happens when I'm home.  I drank my root beer float (yay for a random A&W down the street!), browsed on my phone, placed an Amazon order, and just relaxed under the covers while waiting for the heat to ramp up.  It was so relaxing and completely out of the ordinary to have such a quiet night.  

The next morning I woke up plenty early and ended up having a full hour to get breakfast.  Much to my dismay, we can add Holiday Inn Express cinnamon rolls to the list of things the pandemic has ruined.  My favorite breakfast was not available, and while the hotel supposedly had a couple options upon request, I figured getting a McDonald's Egg McMuffin was rare enough that I should just go get one across the street.  And indeed, it was very good and made me miss the cinnamon rolls a little less.  After that I packed up, checked out, and drove 10 minutes through the cute main drag of the little town to the church for the baptism.  

I've been to this church before--turns out it was about 10 years ago, which blows my mind a little!  Time really flies!  It was great to see Heather, her husband, her mom, and of course baby Mason.  I also got to see Heather's brother, his wife, and their daughter, none of whom I'd seen in a number of years.  All three of her brother's crew were also godparents, and considering there was another baptism the same day, we made for quite a crowd at the front of the church!  The baptism itself was really a special moment.  I couldn't help but think back on all the years Heather and I have known one another, the many memories we share, and realize that it probably never occurred to little girl or preteen me that three decades later we'd have stood up in each other's weddings and I'd now be a godparent to her child.  For the record, we stuck to two godparents for each of our kids and opted to keep it in the family, but I'm pretty sure she would have been next in line had we had a third.  But it was such an incredible honor to not only be a godparent, but to be there for this wonderful moment for a miraculous baby.  And he did such a good job!

   

I promise, the masks only came off for momentary pictures!  

All of the excitement must have tired him right out because when we got back to the house to have some lunch, he was OUT!

The man of the hour slept through our entire lunch, in fact, and even though you never wake a sleeping baby, eventually Heather took a risk and grabbed him so I could hold him for a bit before I left!  He was so much bigger than he was about six weeks earlier when my mom and I visited!  I even got to feed him, which was something I haven't done in a while!  Eventually he got a little bored with me so I handed him back to mama, which instantly made him much happier!

What a little doll, no?

He's such a sweet little guy, and I cannot wait to see him grow up!  It made me so happy to be there for him that day and to get some time with Heather, too.  I'll admit that parenthood has made visiting a bit harder over the years, but now that my kids are a bit bigger and her little one will only be little for so long, I hope the timing will be good to change that trend a bit.  

Before I finish off the rest of the trip, I wanted to share the gifts I gave, because one has a really cool story.  So, a year ago, my office had a holiday bazaar.  They have one every year (until this year) and it's always fun to go browse.  I don't tend to buy a lot (other than this yummy stuff called White Trash from someone's mom!), but last year I was obsessed with this one booth that had amazing crocheted stuff.  I was originally looking at the cute baby hats for a little first Christmas gift for my cousin's daughter, but my attention turned to a couple of the stuffed animals.  They were SO cute!  And super reasonable, as well.  But I was like, who would I buy this for?  My cousins' daughters already had an overload of toys, and I didn't really have any other babies to buy for.  All afternoon I sat at my desk thinking about the cute animals, and at the end of the day I wandered back up.  I just couldn't help it--the face on this lamb was just priceless!

He was so soft and sweet, and I just had to have him.  So I bought him, and he sat in my drawer for a year.  Periodically I'd take him out, think about him, and wonder.  And even when another cousin had a baby, it still didn't feel like the right fit.  Oddly, once Mason came along, I didn't even think about the lamb.  Maybe because it was so sudden, maybe because life has been a little wacky for the past few months, maybe because I didn't go in that drawer until I had to stash Christmas gifts.  But when I was asked to be a godmother, I realized it was the perfect gift for this extra special baby.  And at that moment it occurred to me--that nagging feeling I couldn't shake that made me go back up and buy this lamb was God's way of telling me that something special was coming.  A whole year ahead of time (and long before that), He knew that Heather's long wait would be coming to an end, and I would need a special gift like this.  I feel like it's such a cool sign of God being in control, answering prayers against all odds, and knowing what we need even before we know we need it.  Pretty cool, isn't it?  I topped off the gift with a personalized laser-engraved picture frame (edited here for privacy).  The picture of us from the day I met him (again, only briefly unmasked--someday that kid will see I have a whole face!) was just a placeholder!  Oh, and I got a sweet personalized frame of my own to bring home as my godmother gift!

Before we knew it, the sun was starting to get low in the sky and it was definitely time for me to go since I had a long trip back.  Fortunately, because it was another rare sunny day, it meant the sky stayed much brighter for much longer than usual.  The sunset was actually quite pretty and made for a rather enjoyable first half of the drive.

Even though the Thruway is a slightly shorter drive, I decided to take back the same route I took in, mostly because there are more landmarks and fewer long stretches between exits.  The last hour and a half of the Thruway route is tough, especially at night.  For a full hour you can go at least 15 minutes between exits, with little else to mark the passing of time and space.  It can be hard to stay awake.  Then the last half hour is a pretty routine drive, but by then I'm just impatient to be home!  At least the other route past Geneseo has good memories for me, and I know pretty much exactly where I am between exits at any given moment for the last stretch.  All of that helps when you're tired and ready to be done!  The drive was pretty uneventful, and it was good to get home.  Even better was that I had the foresight to take Monday off, which meant I could be a little more relaxed with the unpacking, get random household tasks done, and finally de-Christmas!  In fact, I got all of the de-Christmasing done that day and just had a few tasks like vacuuming and moving furniture to finish up over the course of the week.  So we're pretty much back to normal now, other than more toy rearranging, which is probably never-ending anyway.  

I can't even really express what a great weekend it was and how desperately it was needed.  The time to think complete thoughts, listen to my own music uninterrupted, wander around one of my favorite places for hours, see so many gorgeous things, survive a harrowing Bills' playoff win, have a night on my own in a hotel room, and be present for a very special moment for a very special baby (and a very special friend) was all just so amazing and heart-warming, and so life-giving after so many challenging months where special moments were in very short supply.  I love my family, but sometimes you can get too much of a good thing!  And admittedly, my kids aren't always the easiest, so being unable to get any extended breaks from the constant noise and frequent battles over the last 10 months has been mentally challenging.  Part of being human is being able to grow and explore, and that has felt very stifled lately, which has likely contributed to extra grumpiness and a shorter temper.  I won't say this trip fixed everything, but it was so wonderful and at least gave me something to smile about for the past week when other positive things were in short supply.  I'm so grateful I was able to go.  

Now I guess it's onward to Carter's birthday in exactly one month!  How is my baby going to be EIGHT?!

The Great Escape, Part 1 (a.k.a., Glass Galore)

When my friend Heather asked me to be her son's godmother, I was so honored and thrilled.  But in the back of my mind I also knew that would mean I'd have an excuse (the best possible excuse!) to get out of town for a day or so.  When I got the date in January and confirmation it would be in her adopted hometown of Binghamton, it actually made for a nice post-Christmas rebound because I had something new to look forward to during the January doldrums.  I could actually leave Western New York for the first time in ages--10 months, in fact, unless you count the day trip to Watkins Glen in July, which got us to the outer reaches of the Finger Lakes region.  But I'd even get to stay overnight on this one, since a three-hour drive on a Sunday morning followed by a three-hour drive home sounded like a bit much for one day.  As thrilled as I already was to be a godmother, the idea of a 36-hour escape from my pandemic radius sounded pretty amazing, too.  

When you really start thinking about our extreme lack of significant activity over a 10-month period, it's pretty sad.  But on the bright side, it made a trip like this sound as exciting as a legit vacation would sound during normal times.  Of course, leading up to it, I was a bit anxious.  Not in a bad way, but in a "will this actually happen with all the different things that could go wrong" way.  I mean, the Christmas COVID scare was enough by itself.  But then I started having daily Facebook memories pop up around the New Year recalling every illness under the sun that befell me or the kids during that post-holiday week.  I was still paranoid about COVID.  I was oddly nervous at the thought of being away from my house and my kids, which have been nearly constant presences in my life for the last 10 months.  The idea of getting away from it all sounded great, but it also sounded almost impossible--or at least like something that could be easily ruined.  It was this amazing thing I was going to be able to be a part of, and I was so worried about the sadness I'd feel if something spoiled it.  

My plan was to get a rapid COVID test that week to 100% make sure that nothing cropped up in the last few days of our 10-14 day window after Jacob's isolation ended.  I figured that given the timing of our two negative tests, all should be well, but when you're dealing with an extra special tiny baby, you want to be sure.  But then I panicked about the accuracy of the rapid tests--in either direction.  It's one thing to get a false negative, but I also worried about a false positive that might prevent me from going.  I should have scheduled a regular test earlier in the week, but I got all mentally paralyzed, especially when I had an oddly sniffly day early in the week.  Thankfully I think it was just allergies, but I was fortunate to find a free county rapid testing site later in the week.  It came back negative and that seemed to throw the door wide open to make sure my plans would stick.  Of course, then I worried someone would come down with a random stomach bug or something in the 36 hours that followed, but fortunately, between Carter being remote until Friday and Jacob wearing a mask, the annual onslaught of early year sickness held off.  So Saturday morning, I was off!

My plan was to make a full two-day event of it.  God knows this shouty mama needed the break, and it made sense to make the most of the time away.  I took 390 south past Geneseo and headed toward Corning.  Museum of Glass, here I come!  I don't mind that route because part of it (down to Geneseo) is pretty routine, and the rest has enough scenery to keep me occupied.  An hour in, I noticed the coolest thing.  A couple of the hills seemed to have patches of frosted over trees--almost like the top of the hill got a heavy frost or some snow, and it stayed cold enough just there to maintain it.  None of the other hills on the entire route were like that, and while it was nearly impossible to get a decent picture while driving safely, I tried.

If you click on the photo to zoom in, you can see the top of that hill is full of white-coated trees.  It looked even cooler in person.

It was actually vaguely sunny for the first time in weeks, which made for a really nice drive.  I got there around 12:30.  I made the last-minute decision to run through a drive-thru just before arriving at the museum and eat my sandwich in the car.  I figured it was probably safer and cheaper than the alternative of eating in the museum cafe.  I should also mention that another complicating factor of this trip is that the Bills were playing a playoff game at 1pm.  As much as I wanted to watch, my hope was that getting a day on my own out of town was a rarer feat than a playoff game (despite the Bills' very questionable record in that area for the past 20+ years), so I decided I'd just follow it on my phone as I walked the museum.  Had I been smart I probably would have left bright and early so I could get in my full museum time and still catch the end of the game in a local restaurant, but sleep and less crazed packing won out.  After all, I didn't want to jinx things by packing too early, so I only had a day or so following my test when I felt comfortable enough to do it.

Upon arrival at the museum, I was greeted by Pierre the Penguin, who's been their adorable glass mascot since the pandemic shut down the museum in the spring.  He was all over their social media "wandering" around the museum.  Unfortunately he's in a glass case and they covered so much of him with his winter attire, but it was fun to see something that brought me a few smiles during the hardest part of this pandemic.

I tried to be a good citizen by following their one-way directions through the museum, which meant starting in my favorite wing with the modern art.  This was a giant hanging piece, but I loved the up-close detail of the mosaics.

 

I remembered seeing pieces like this last time I visited, where they were made up of thin threads of glass.  This piece was about a foot tall and I loved the colors, but wanted to share this detail of the threads.

This case cracked me up.  The piece on the left was called "Hugged to Death", as evidenced by the x's on the little guy's eyes!  The piece on the right is a Chihuly.  He did a whole series of cylinders, and this is one.

Nothing like a lamp made out of glass sausages.

This was probably one of my favorite pieces--not for how it looked, but for the process.  It was composed of many layers of glass that had tiny vintage magazine images affixed to them.  It made for this amazing 3-D robot with people climbing, and marine life, and tons of other stuff happening all over.

Here's a tiny close-up of one section.

It was a pretty incredible piece with all the detail and how the artist could visualize how the layers would work together.  I also found myself oddly fond of this mirror.

Eventually I made my way through the many rooms in the modern wing and headed toward the older stuff.  This beauty was just outside the entrance to that wing.  The main Chihuly is in the front lobby, but this one is also quite a sight.

This piece is thousands of years old, but look at that gorgeous iridescent sheen!

I have so many pictures I'm not sharing of tons of different types of glass from all different eras.  It's amazing to see the evolution from the earliest glassmaking to more refined versions.  It boggles my mind how the earliest civilizations figured out how to do it!  There were endless displays of everything you could imagine, from early glass bottles to molded glass dishes, 18th century art glass to amazing paperweights.  Check out this display of snuff bottles:

As much as I love the colors, I was particularly struck by this display of different clear glass.

There were some pieces from Tiffany, including this stunning column.

I happened to finish this section just in time for a glassblowing show.  I followed the Bills game and the glassblowing equally as I sat.  The final piece they made can be seen on the end of that stick.  They promptly put the still-hot piece into cold water so it broke instantly.  They'll recycle the pieces and use them another day.  I guess with the pandemic they're not giving away the pieces they make right now, so most just end up getting recycled.  The cold water shatters them instantly into tiny pieces, almost like ice. 

After the show, I had one more wing to visit, another modern wing.  For some reason I just love this bowl. 

Here's another set of Chihuly cylinders.  They are based on Native American imagery, namely woven blankets.  It's not my favorite type of his work, but when you think about how those designs are embedded in the glass, they're pretty impressive.

I like this "melting" piece...simple as it is...

There are so many others I could have shared but I will spare you!  After that, I just had the store to go.  Outside the store was this tree.  They always have another one around the holidays full of different colors that apparently had already been taken down, but this one was still up.

I also enjoyed this little snowman family!

All I had left was the store and the Chihuly in the lobby.  Well, when I entered the store, the Bills were up 24-10 early in the 4th quarter.  When I checked my phone about 20 minutes later, they were only up 27-24 and I was panicking internally!  I felt indecisive about my shopping (there were so many great sales!) but I could not focus at all once the game was in question!  I headed up to the lobby and found a seat in front of the Chihuly where I could focus on the game updates...and of course there was a hugely disputed play that took forever to review.  I probably sat there for a solid 20 minutes or more, quietly freaking out about the game!  At least I had a good view!

The Bills game was CRAZY in the final minute, with a blown call and a last second attempt to win the game by the Colts.  It was very stressful, especially since Buffalo seems to specialize in last second, heartbreaking playoff defeats.  But, thankfully, they pulled it out!  It took me a second to compose myself enough to resume my shopping, but it still took about 15 minutes for my legs to stop shaking!  I ended up buying a couple super cheap Pyrex pieces for my kitchen, and then bought one thing that will definitely be a gift, one thing I might keep, and another thing that's already on my dining room table.  They had so many pretty bowls and platters for $3-4 and I couldn't pass them up!  I also got a rather large marble (1.5") called a Glitterbomb that's all shiny and colorful that now lives in the shadow box above where I sit for work.  Satisfied and relieved, I headed out into the early evening.  

I definitely think I got my money's worth...a solid four hours of glass gazing!  I swear, aside from the Bills game, my blood pressure was probably down a few notches while I was there.  It was so relaxing and so pretty, and basically a giant feast for the eyes after months of not much more than the inside of my house.  At least in the summer and fall we had outside beauty, but with not much snow and very little adventuring in recent months, I think I was overdue for something outside the norm!

Since this post is long enough right now, I will save the second part of my trip for another post!  Stay tuned!

The Wrap-Up

It's not too often you finish up the old year before you finish up Christmas, but this year we did just that.  We finished off 2020 pretty quietly, with "choose-your-own take-out" and some TV viewing.  Both kids made it to midnight and yet it was still a struggle to get them in bed!  Fortunately, as I mentioned, we received negative test results for all three of us earlier in the week, which meant we could go to Buffalo to wrap up our Christmas.  

On New Year's morning, I packed up, finished up a couple gift details, and finally pulled the rest of the presents out from underneath our tree.  It took an extra eight days, but we finally got our trip to Buffalo.  That drive is usually my holiday decompression moment on Christmas Eve, but this time it definitely felt different.  We stopped to drop off a couple gifts with Craig's aunt's family (where we usually spend Christmas Eve dinnertime) then headed to see the rest of his family.  We had a lovely time in spite of trying to stay masked for the visit.  Our sister-in-law made up a bunch of appetizers--bacon wrapped sausage, meatballs, crab cakes, kielbasa, taco dip, plus Christmas cookies--and we had a couple drinks and just talked and reminisced.  We got to open gifts, too.  The kids made out like bandits as usual.  Both boys got pajamas, Jacob got more clothes, and Carter got a game called Drone Home and a Treasure X pirate ship (much like the tomb he got last Christmas).  He also got a giant Lego Baby Yoda!  Craig and I got some nice things as well, including some clothes and a new set of sheets.  It was nice to exchange gifts finally and get some family time, even if it all felt different.  

We spent the night at my parents' house and were able to exchange gifts that morning.  Jacob got more clothes (are you sensing a theme?), Carter got a shirt, a toy, and some credits for his favorite app, Craig got a DVD player (the remotes for both of ours are shot) and a shirt, and I got a few different things including a kitchen scale, my angel ornament, necklace, and Norwex cloths.  Oh, and more sheets!  I was more excited to give gifts, if I'm being honest!  Since my dad doesn't really want gifts, I gave him a bottle of a nostalgic favorite wine, which I knew he'd love.  My mom had asked for a zero gravity chair a while back, and I finally made good on that.  Also, since I hadn't really given them an anniversary gift, and both of their birthdays fall within about three weeks, I offered up an option of either a printed photo album or a large wall photo collage made from the photos I scanned (plus some others), in order to create a family photo history of some sort.  They have a photo collage in their dining room that includes probably 12-15 photos from 1970 to about 1985.  I figured maybe they'd like a sequel!  We'll see what they choose!  It was hard to figure out a proper gift for them since I can't top all those scanned photos, so I figured this might be a good option.  We finished off our time there with a delicious ham dinner before heading out for a stop at the outlet mall.  We made the 20 minute wait to get into the Nike store worth our while--Carter and I found sneakers, and Jacob got pants and socks.  Jacob did make up for his lack of sneakers with a stop at the Adidas store, where he got a pair in the next size up for half off.  Craig did well at the Gap outlet.  Other than Carter whining incessantly, it was a successful stop!

It was good to get home that evening and get everything as unpacked and put away as possible, and still have Sunday to finish off a few things.  I got my wrapping paper, and extra gift bags, tissue, and boxes put away, and cleaned up a bunch of piles around the house.  Of course, I didn't take down the Christmas stuff because it seemed too soon, but it won't come down next weekend either because I'll be out of town.  I'm planning on taking next Monday off to recover from my weekend, since it's a lot of driving, I don't know when I'll be home, and I'm not accustomed to having that much action in my life!  I might be exhausted!  I figure there will also be a lot of household things undone from the weekend and I don't want to spend all day Monday annoyed by them.  I can hopefully start de-Christmasing then, too.  

The other highlight from the weekend was that my "alternate Christmas gift" arrived.  The video game console Craig and the boys bought me didn't work out quite as planned.  It was fun to scan through the games and try to play a bunch of them, but the playability of the games wasn't that great.  Super Mario Bros. was pretty good, but it all went downhill from there.  The controls didn't work that well on some of the games (like Craig's beloved Burger Time or my old family fave Arkanoid), and some others were just confusing or odd.  It did not have Super Mario 2 or 3, which was disappointing since some online descriptions made it seem like it did.  It was also a bit temperamental, so in the end we figured it wasn't worth keeping.  But since the sentiment behind the gift was sweet, I took it as a hint that I should finally buy something I had been eyeing up for a while - Super Mario All-Stars for Wii!  It includes all three Mario games plus lost levels for Super Mario 1.  It arrived on Saturday and I spent a couple hours the last two days getting myself reacquainted.  Some of it was easier, some was harder.  How the progress saves is weird for Super Mario 2, and I keep getting stuck in the same spot in 3 and the Lost Levels, so I need to be patient and keep working on it.  Practice makes perfect, of course!  Now, how to fit in that, working out, and my usual decompression time with my phone apps is the next question, but it's nice to have options!

It's back to reality now.  Jacob's back to school and some basketball, but Carter is stuck at home until Friday because of how our quarantine technically extends off of Jacob's (although I feel like with two spaced out negative tests we should have been able to cut that a little shorter).  My week is mostly going to be getting through work and preparing myself for my trip.  I'm a little nervous to travel and stay in a hotel, but it will be nice to get a change of scenery.  I've been extra short tempered with the boys lately and I can tell that mentally I just need a break.  I'm planning on stopping at the Corning Museum of Glass on the way down since it's one of my happy places.  Anywhere with a Chihuly is preferable, and I could use some extra beauty these days.  I snagged a room at my beloved Holiday Inn Express, though I'm hoping they still have cinnamon rolls despite pandemic restrictions.  I even get to dress up a little more than usual, which is oddly exciting right now.  And most of all, I can't wait to see my godson (and the whole rest of the family, of course) since he should be getting more expressive now that he's two months old.  I'm also a little excited about my gifts for him!  It's such a special thing to be a godparent and I feel lucky to be a part of it for such a special baby.  And honestly, it's just nice to have something else to look forward to now that the holidays are officially over.

So, I guess that's a wrap.  Christmas wasn't what we'd have expected, and definitely had some missing pieces, but I think we managed quite well.  We had some fun memories, some happy moments, and some nice gifts.  And now we get to start a whole new year--and hopefully it is the start of better days ahead, as well.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Well, the best news to finish off 2020 is that all three of our tests came back negative.  We're not necessarily 100% in the clear yet, technically, but I think based on circumstantial evidence, we're pretty close.  If we made it through the period where Jacob was the most contagious, and none of the three of us are showing symptoms or testing positive two full weeks later, that seems pretty close to me.  Per Carter's doctor, it sounds like we should all be isolating for 10 full days past Jacob's "all-clear" date, which was Sunday.  That means Carter can't go back to in-person school until his second in-person day on Friday.  Admittedly we haven't really been isolating when it comes to quick errands and stuff because we just tested negative and I'd have to think if it wasn't already detectable, it won't be.  Or, on the off-chance it would, that levels would still be so low that we wouldn't be contagious while masked.  We're still keeping it to a minimum where we can, though.  That said, and given that we are going to Buffalo this weekend to finish Christmas, I'm hoping to somehow get a rapid test on Friday before I leave for Binghamton next Saturday, just to be extra safe.  But it's a good sign, if nothing else.

As I was driving to pick up part of our New Year's Eve dinner tonight, I thought about this year and all the recollections people have been posting on social media.  I realized that while it was a really hard year, I probably wouldn't call it our worst.  I mean, don't get me wrong, it was HARD.  We missed so much and faced challenges we never could have imagined.  But at the end of the day (or the year, as the case might be), we're all still standing.  I feel like we've faced far worse losses and challenges over the past many years, like deaths and ongoing illness, serious behavior issues and difficult life changes.  I had a solid couple years where I was at such a loss with Jacob's behavior that I was on the verge of tears almost all the time.  We both had our fathers go through open heart surgery.  We lost three uncles far too young.  Jacob's Celiac diagnosis changed our lives  forever.  We went through about a five-month span six years ago where someone was constantly sick, from Craig's shingles to my recurring pinkeye, to numerous viruses, stomach bugs, and even a nasty rash.  Oh, and I lost my job in the middle of that, too.  So I feel like those things were so much worse than this year, which was mostly just generally stressful compounded by the lack of fun.  We're coming out of it a bit more tired (although better rested, oddly), a bit burned out and frustrated, but we're intact, we're currently healthy, and there's nothing seriously wrong that wasn't already an issue a year ago.  The boys' incompatibility has been an issue for years, but we just had to deal with it more this year because we had considerably more togetherness than usual.  So while that has exhausted us, no doubt, I still feel thankful that we remained relatively unscathed by everything that happened this year.  And with all the things that could have gone wrong, most had minimal impact.  Heck, this is the first year in recent memory without a funeral, and God knows our country has seen a lot of that this year.  So, to review this crazy year, here's my bottom five and top five, in no particular order:

Bottom Five:

1) We missed family - Having to miss out on most major holidays was a bummer.  We've missed seeing family and celebrating those holidays in a way we've become accustomed to.  We also missed our random weekend trips and some family parties.  I hate that I haven't met my cousin's three-month-old yet, and we're missing out on other babies (and one on the way) during some of their most fun phases.

2) Sibling rivalry - If I was actually ranking in order, this would have a solid chance to be #1.  It has been the one thing that has completely exhausted us on top of the ever-present COVID stress.  I've written about this plenty, but suffice it to say that being stuck in the house most of the time with two kids that don't get along and have very few diversions does not make for the peaceful respite home is supposed to be.  The sub-theme of this one is that the screen time battle has been hellish--at times serving to minimize their interactions, and at other times making the problem worse since Jacob takes it upon himself to try to break Carter of the habit.  Neither is good.

3) COVID stress - Trying to adjust to the entire outside world feeling dangerous has been stressful.  Wegmans trips used to completely exhaust me when I worried I could catch COVID there and when so many things were still out of stock.  Even now, when something as simple as seeing your parents is potentially deadly, it introduces all of these challenging decisions you never thought you'd have to make.  The ever-present stress of the news and CDC updates and stories from friends over social media just amps up your general anxiety level, and adjusting to living like that every day is hard.

4) Home school - Spring was the worst, since the direction was limited and everything was remote.  Fall has been better with Jacob in school most of the time (and very occupied when he's home), but Carter's homeschooling has been borderline disastrous--although it's sad to say that I know we're still in the top echelon of effective home schoolers in his class.  He's a very challenging student and it's likely damaged our relationship because we have to push so hard.  I know both kids are missing out on a lot of aspects of normal life (like building solid friendships) because of all the safety measures and distancing.

5) Lack of adventure - I think one of our biggest challenges mentally is the lack of memory-making adventures and escapes from our close confines.  We were supposed to tour much of New York State this spring for Jacob's travel basketball, and that never happened.  We were hoping to figure out how to get to Disney, and that never happened.  We usually go to Buffalo so much more, travel to Toronto once in a while, and find other fun things to do when we need a change of scenery.  We were limited to mostly day trips in a very small radius (and no border crossings), which kept our memory-making to a minimum.  We had fun at Niagara Falls and Watkins Glen, and I loved my outdoor adventures with Carter, but even little things like the pumpkin patch had to be big things this year.  While we all need a vacation, I also know Craig and I could really use a getaway ourselves.  The structure of our home life means we have very little time together where we're not dealing with kids or already exhausted, and we could really use more time to connect without the kids constantly interrupting.  "Alone" in any form is rare right now.  Regardless, we'll all have a lot of catching up to do when all of this is over.

Top Five:

1) Our ability to adapt - Even if it wasn't easy, I'm pretty amazed at how we've adjusted to our new normal.  Wearing masks everywhere, odd school procedures, working from home, and limiting our outings have all been challenges to adjust to, but we've done it.  Working from home was a particular challenge for me, and somehow by month six it became much more routine.  I still don't love it and I miss my co-workers, but I've come to appreciate the lack of a commute and the flexibility it affords.  My co-workers and I have also remarked how our relationships have gone to a different level during this time since we're inevitably opening up about our home lives and our struggles because we're all still immersed in it while we're working all day.  You can only ignore home lives for so long when you're on countless video calls, and commiserating about pandemic-related struggles has become the norm in order to keep our sanity.  While we shared to some degree in the office, this has taken it to a completely different level.  That never would have happened otherwise.  On the home front, I've also gotten pretty good at meal planning in advance to limit my grocery trips and I also feel I'm more efficient with my errands.  The kids seem pretty well-adjusted considering the impact on their social lives (well, Carter's screen addiction aside), and we have continued to find our way through this very challenging time better than I would have expected.

2) Reconnecting to the outdoors - We had a blast in the pool over the summer and gave it far more use than it's had in multiple previous summers combined.  The kids both loved it, and I tried to make the most of my five weeks off to be out there with them.  I loved my flowers and my garden, and finally took some time to take care of some things in the yard, like the dying trees we cut down and making little improvements around our flower beds and pool filter.  My daily check-ins on my zinnias were a peaceful highlight, and I spent more time on the porch than I ever have.  Finally, since outdoor outings were safest, most of my favorite memories for the year took place out in nature, from Niagara Falls and Watkins Glen, to Stony Brook and other local parks.  I'm not sure the rest of the family enjoyed it as much as I did, but it was nice while the weather cooperated.  Heck, even my outdoor jogs counted as a pleasant escape this year.  This all forced us to see and do some new things this year just because our options felt limited, and for that I'm grateful.

3) Nothing got as bad as it could have - Craig could have been laid off and wasn't.  I was furloughed for five weeks but it took place while the federal unemployment benefit was still active, so I didn't really lose any money and essentially got five free weeks of vacation.  Jacob got COVID but barely had symptoms, and none of us caught it.  We also figured it out in time to prevent anyone else from getting it over Christmas, and it didn't prevent us from having a pretty decent holiday.  Locally our cases have been pretty manageable, so once we got over the fear of the initial unknowns, life felt borderline normal for months and still feels at least tolerable.  While Jacob didn't get to do his travel season as planned, he did get to finish off one season, almost finished a second, and found ways to keep playing basketball all along.  We could have two kids fully at home for school like so many districts around the county, but only have one half at home.  And while neither love school, both have kept up their learning pretty well.  Jacob even made high honor roll.  Overall, there were a lot of things that could have gone very wrong and didn't.  We were very lucky.

4) There were still good moments - Despite all the challenges, there have been good things happening everywhere.  We went to a wonderful wedding, and have a belated celebration of another one still to come.  Two more cousins got engaged.  Three cousins had babies and another has one on the way.  My friend's 10-year wait for a baby was finally rewarded, and I get to be the godmother!  We got to have a mostly normal Thanksgiving, and managed to have small parties for both boys' birthdays.  My parents hit their 50th anniversary, and while we didn't get to celebrate as we would have liked, what we ended up doing still turned out pretty cool.  Craig and I got two real date nights, which were much needed.  We finally got our plumbing issues fixed and upgraded our bathroom.  It wasn't the year we hoped for, but it's nice to know that when most of life feels a bit frozen in time, there was still a lot of living going on.

5) Perspective and the simple things - I think if nothing else, we've developed a better sense of what's important in life and realized that simple things can be very important.  Jacob's brush with COVID definitely changed my perspective on an "acceptable" Christmas when we stayed healthy and had all we needed for a good day.  I feel like a lot of the little problems seem even littler when you realize that all the big stuff is still okay.  We may have issues with our house, but we have a house, we like it, and we have all we need to make it comfortable for our extended time here.  Jacob's illness was unfortunate, particularly with the timing, but we still felt incredibly lucky that it was minimal and we avoided the rest of us getting sick.  With all of the stuff that could have gone wrong and didn't, it was easier to keep a positive attitude knowing that others were not as lucky and would give anything to be in our position.  We found pleasure in simple entertainment like TV and movies, outdoor time, and even board games.  When I reflected on this year earlier tonight and found myself not thinking it was the worst year ever, I felt like part of that was because all of the big bases were covered: We were ultimately healthy in our cozy home, with all of our loved ones intact.  We have all the material things we need, we have plenty of money in the bank, and things are relatively steady as a whole.  When those things are covered, it's hard to upset about much else.

2021 is just over an hour away now, and I know we'll all be waving a less-than-fond farewell as 2020 goes.  It sure had its moments, but I think we're all ready for some fresh ones.  Let's hope we only improve from here.  Happy New Year!

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

So, Christmas was a good day.  If that was all I ever knew of Christmas, it would have been perfectly lovely.  It was a pleasant day, very relaxing and full of fun moments.  We played, we watched, we ate, we tried to make memories.  All of it was nice, and the boys even mostly cooperated by not driving each other nuts.  We had a much-needed good day in the midst of a period where not a lot of days have felt particularly good.  I know we're so much better off than so many people in the middle of this pandemic, but I can't say I've gotten to the end of most days over the last nine months and felt like I did a great job as a parent, mostly just because I don't know how to deal with two incompatible kids for hours on end every day while managing work and other parts of life all contained in one house.  We have limited diversions, which leads to boredom, which leads to other methods of creating excitement...and my kids have mastered the most frustrating version of that.  Christmas was a one day break from most of it, presumably because the kids were preoccupied with new stuff and had plenty to focus on without getting bored enough to bug each other for entertainment.  

As I've said previously, I used to feel bad for people who didn't have family to visit with on Christmas.  I think for people who have never had that, the lazy day in pajamas is probably pretty perfect.  But when you've had that family connection--particularly when it's all you've ever known--and then don't, that quiet day definitely has some missing pieces.  More gifts are always fun, of course, but it's those connections you make--sharing awesome food, having a couple too many drinks, reminiscing, teasing, catching up, watching the little kids--that mean so much more.  I have amazing memories of sitting on the floor at my grandma's house with all my cousins, just waiting for our turn to open a gift.  Here are my two favorites examples, in fact:

Looks like my grandma was opening something here, but you can see 9-year-old me with what might be my all-time favorite Christmas gift, my Hot Looks doll.  I wanted it SO bad!  

I was Carter's age here, and got one of my other favorites, my Day-to-Night Barbie Home & Office.  Sorry my one-year-old cousin is blocking the shot!  The more I think about it, Grandma practically was Santa!  The best, and potentially least practical, gifts almost always came from there!

But yes, we were all as crammed on the floor as it appears!  And we're pretty much still like that now that it's my uncle's house, only there's a little more floor space and we have fewer kids to relegate there, so the most agile adults (or the ones with kids) tend to end up there.  I also have fun memories of coming into my other grandma's house (sometimes before the gathering above, sometimes after--but almost always on the same day) and getting excited at the sight of the pile of perfectly wrapped gifts.  There were fewer cousins to make memories with there (most lived out of town) but I still enjoyed just being around family and appreciating that the pace was a little slower for a bit.  Once my grandma passed away and my uncle started fading due to dementia, that gathering went away, and I still miss it.  I don't mind an extra couple hours of relaxation in the midst of a couple busy days, but I would gladly go back to that non-stop marathon if it meant more family time.  

And that's basically where I ended up this year--there was nothing wrong with our day as a stand-alone event, and the chill time was nice, but when I know what the alternative is, I miss it and would gladly give up the relaxation for the crazy family time we know and love.  I really, truly hope we can get back to a normal, safe celebration next year.  I think everyone needs it after the year we've had.  

Of course, after that pleasant day, getting back to our "normal" was a bit of a letdown.  The arguments resumed, the screen time battle was just as bad despite all the new toys, and I even had a vacation day interrupted by some work that had to get done (followed by a full, scheduled work day).  I feel like I should be more productive, especially after reading some posts from past years about all the reorganization and furniture assembly that sometimes takes place this week.  Right now I feel like I need to do a whole lot of nothing, aside from finally sorting through a bunch of donations and looking around for more to add.  If I get that done this week, it will be a victory.  I think with the year we've had, this break is about more than not working.  Normally it's nice to just be home and have some time to get things done.  But when I've been almost nothing but home for nine months, allowing my brain to shut out everything--work, home projects, the endless list of cleaning and decluttering--is more important.  I need to be smart, of course, and do what I can to minimize regret once my free time is limited again, but the need for the mental break is clear as day to me right now.

One of our biggest challenges in the past week is that Carter is skittish around Jacob, even though Jacob's isolation was over as of Monday and he's likely not contagious anymore.  He'll still wear a mask when he's near him and Jacob takes serious offense to Carter's refusal to be around him.  We can't really blame Carter, but sometimes he does take it to an extreme and it can get frustrating since he's probably in the clear now.  Jacob is also in a bit of denial about his positive test.  Sometimes he insists it was a false positive, sometimes he insists one of us gave it to him.  It's super frustrating when he accuses Carter of giving it to him, or insists Carter (or any one of us) is actually positive.  That was part of our problem in the days after the positive result came in, because we felt like we had to have been exposed but didn't know for sure, and Jacob basically refused to keep his distance because he was convinced we already had it.  But, come to find out, none of us did, so he could have been putting us in danger.  Yet he refuses to deal with the reality of that and continues to get mad when Carter avoids him.  Lately with so many people spouting off on social media about how badly kids need to go to school and play sports, I almost feel compelled to remind them that it's not just about the physical impact of COVID, if God forbid they should get it from those activities.  There is a mental toll as well, one that no kid should have to carry--Will they get sicker than expected?  Will there be long-term consequences?  Will they infect their family? Their friends? Their teacher or coach?  Will they be locked in their room for days?  Will people want to be near them once they come out?  I've seen Jacob grapple with stresses like these, and even he can't say if it was worth it to play basketball knowing it might be why he got infected.  It's a lot to consider for a kid, and while I know there are a lot of mental health concerns right now, they don't all stop if kids can go to school or play sports. That might just be the beginning.

We finally got Carter's result on Sunday, and it was negative as well.  On Tuesday the three of us got retested in the hope that we'll all get results by New Year's Day or the weekend, which would allow us to hopefully resume our Christmas celebrations. Since I'm supposed to be going to the baptism the following weekend, it would be great to get it done now if we're all still negative.  Jacob can't get retested since he could shed the virus for months, but I guess if we really wanted, there is some sort of lung test the doctor can do.  I don't know if that works for someone who had no lung symptoms, though, so I guess we're just going to rely on the end of the isolation order and assume he's safe to be around.   We'll still try to be very careful, of course, but I think we'd all feel a lot better to make that stuff happen now before Christmas feels extra far away.

So, here we are with about 30 hours left in the oddest year we've ever experienced.  I know most people are happy to see this year go, but the realist in me knows we're still in for a long haul in 2021.  Even in a normal year, there's always a part of me that hates to see a year end.  I'm not sure if it's regret of what I didn't do, or fear of what might be ahead (i.e., why are we so eager to say goodbye to this year when we have no idea what's coming?), but I think both of those apply quite heavily here.  There was so much we didn't get to do this year and I feel like it puts pressure on upcoming years to start making up for it.  On the flip side, even just in the last week or two there has been so much loss in the news and even among friends, and it's not all magically going to go away as the calendar flips.  This coming year will have its share of challenges, too, no doubt.  We can hope for better days ahead, obviously, and I'm hopeful we can start the year with some good stuff--the rest of our Christmas, a mini-road trip for me (what's a road trip?!), and a very special baptism of a very special baby.  Of course, all of that still hinges on our test results, so I guess we'll likely go into this new year feeling just about as paralyzed as we did for most of the old one.  But there's hope.  And right now, it has to be enough.