The Replacements

It was supposed to be a pretty chill weekend.  Craig was on the road, Carter was the only one with a basketball game, and the weather was going to be nice enough for some outside basketball by Sunday (despite getting a couple messy inches of snow on Friday).  Thursday night I took Jacob to basketball practice.  I hadn't been to one for his new travel team yet and I figured with Craig leaving on Friday for a double road trip that he might appreciate having the early shift of Carter's practice instead.  The new team is an interesting mix of players, and practices are a little more intense on the conditioning front than Jacob is used to.  It should be an interesting season--and I can tell already that it's going to be a much different travel experience than lacrosse was.  For one, people seem mostly cool with cheap hotel rooms, which made us the exception in lacrosse.  I'm looking forward to it all, but there's a lot we're waiting to see play out on the court.  Anyway, right at the end of practice, the mom of Jacob's former town teammate who's now on this team asked me if I had gotten a message from their old coach.  I had put my phone away, and when I pulled it out, sure enough, there was a message.  He asked if Jacob might want to play in a game on Friday night with the other town elite team.  It sounded like a dream come true for him because his good friend plays on that team and it is a step up from the team he had been on.  He also really respects the coach (his friend's dad).  We said yes, and on Friday we headed to the tournament at U of R.

Upon arrival, we couldn't find anyone.  We were a little early, but we knew the court and timing were correct, so we started to get a little nervous.  Then his one travel teammate came.  Then we saw another, one who's also on his travel team.  It turned out his dad (a former Division I player who's the head of both of Jacob's leagues) introduced himself as the coach--which was odd since we know who the real coach is--and when I asked where the rest of the team was, he said this WAS the team.  It turned out that the original team dropped out of the tournament at the last minute.  We're not sure why but Jacob heard it was because they figured they'd blow out everyone in their bracket (spoiler: they would have).  So, in an effort to not cast a bad light on the town league with the tournament organizers, they needed to fill in the spot.  Those schedules are complicated enough without a last minute drop-out.  The last two players finally showed up with about five minutes to spare--one kid Jacob didn't know, and another that his teammate's mom said was a friend of her son's.  It turned out the kid was actually one of Jacob's best friends from elementary school, too!  Small world!  Jacob was happy with this group, but they only had five kids, which meant no rests and no fouling out.  It also meant no injuries, which got a little challenging when one kid got a bloody nose and Jacob jammed his finger!  But they played on.  The first half was pretty decent, but as the game wore on it was clear they were getting tired.  It also started to sink in that if the original team dropped out, that probably meant there were at least 3-4 other games that needed covering.  Sure enough, after the tough loss, the coach came over and explained that there was another game on Saturday at 5:20.  Okay, so maybe it would be a basketball weekend after all.

Saturday morning was Carter's game, and we were thrilled to see him get his second basket!  His team still can't seem to put together a win, but Carter's basket got them within two points!  We stopped at CVS on the way home to pick up tape for Jacob's finger, then had a few hours at home (mostly peaceful Xbox basketball for the boys and diamond painting for me) before it was time to leave for Jacob's game.  When we got there, we were once again the only ones.  And as time ticked down, we were still the only ones.  Finally a couple other kids showed up, but with only five minutes to game time, it was just those three.  At the last minute the coach and his son came in, and we were up to four.  It was decided that they were going to do four-on-four just to get the game in.  When the fifth player showed up a couple minutes in, they decided to stick with four-on-four just so the team would have one player to rest.  It seemed to suit Jacob's game just fine because he ended up with eight points.  They kept the game pretty close, but once again couldn't pull it out.  And once again, word came that there were two games on Sunday, so we were going to try again--and coach was going to try to get new kids.  Of course, this was probably the last thing on his mind because after Jacob's game he was off to the Blue Cross Arena for Rochester's top-level sectional championship with the high school team he coaches!  And sure enough, late last night they won!  And yet he was right back at it at 9:30 this morning for his 16U travel team's practice, and by 12:30 we were back at the tournament for two more games!  I told Jacob this morning that it's not every day you get to play for a Sectional champion, so he should really just enjoy it!

The boys gave it a good effort, and even had a sixth man today, a big man who is also on Jacob's travel team and who he played with on his championship team last summer.  He's a nice kid but maybe not the sharpest at times (he forgot his shirt and cost the team a technical almost every game!), and I feel like if he lived in the south he'd get a lot of "Bless his heart!"  But he was a good rebounder, and listening to the other teams' parents discussing his size was entertaining.  They were winning both games for a time, but unfortunately couldn't pull out either one.  Jacob scored six points in the first and got shut out in the second, but both games were good efforts all around.  He mostly just couldn't get open or get the ball in the second game.  But 16 points in four games isn't half bad, especially since the team wasn't actually a team!  They did well faking it, though!

In between games, Carter and I took a walk around the campus on a lovely mid-50s day.  We walked up to the quad near the library...

Carter remarked how he thought they "did a good job" on this side of the library and thought it looked like a castle!

I took him inside to see a couple of my favorite spots, one of which is a traditional reading room and the other is the landing at the top of these steps, which I think I've posted pictures of before.  He thought this area in the lobby looked like a museum.

Back outside he wanted to go toward the chapel, which I've pointed out before.  As we walked, he noticed a leaf in a mud puddle and said that it was a bit sparkly.  He was right!  Maybe some rogue glitter or a leftover ice crystal?  It all felt very literal, though, like how you're supposed to take walks with your kids and delight in all of the little things they notice.  Never thought I'd see sparkles on a muddy leaf!  We got to the chapel and managed to get in the front door, but unfortunately we weren't able to go into the chapel itself.  I love it in there so much because of the lovely rainbow-colored stained glass.  We could see some of it through the doors, but the full effect is so much better inside!  But it was pretty outside, too, overlooking the river and the words to the school's alma mater posted on a rock.

It's always nice to explore the campus, especially on one of the first nice spring days!

After the second game, the coach offered to treat the kids to the trampoline park (and after the 24 hours he had, I'm pretty sure he's superhuman to offer that up), so off we went.  I think he was just grateful for the kids filling in on short notice to keep the league's good name intact.  He even took care of Carter, which was extra sweet.  This was Carter's first time at a trampoline park, and while flu season and the middle of a major virus outbreak (still downstate, but still) didn't feel like the best time to be at a germ hotbed, we weren't about to pass up the opportunity.  I spent most of my time with Carter (gotta let the big kid hang out with his buddies, right?), and he got the hang of it on the main floor.

Jacob and his teammates mostly hung out near the basketball hoops (shocker).  Jacob is #43 in line.  He could dunk on this hoop!  They moved on to something else before I could get a video.

They went over to a jousting area, and it was humorous watching a bunch of pre-teen boys (and one older brother) beat up on each other!  Carter seemed to enjoy the foam pits.  There was one near the jousting area and a rock climbing wall that he enjoyed getting stuck in (and starting a foam battle with strangers).

He then moved on to the pits where you can jump in using a trampoline, and then got up the courage to try the diving platform!

His final and longest stop was the extreme dodge ball area.  He had no hesitation picking up a ball and chucking it at people.  He took on an older teenage looking kid, and even chucked a few balls at one of Jacob's teammates!

Here he is in action!


It was a long, busy day.  By the time we finished up dinner at home, it started to sink in that I didn't really get a weekend.  Ugh.  I love my kids and all, and I'm glad Jacob had this opportunity, but boy am I tired.  Add in the time change and minimal down time, and I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the week.  Craig comes home tomorrow and I'm admittedly a little nervous about what he might bring back with him now that the Coronavirus is moving around a bit.  Weekends will remain pretty busy, too, so I guess I'm just getting a head start, but tonight I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Off to sleep...everything looks better in the morning, right?

A Pretty Square Weekend

So, suddenly it's March!  I'm not quite sure how that happened, but after a windy and snowy end to last week, it looks like the weather is getting on board with the new month because it's going to be above average warm (well, "warm") pretty much all week.  This winter has been super weird.  We're leading the country in snow (85 inches, I think?) which is about average, but it seems like everywhere else has been well below.  Heck, I just realized I don't think I remember hearing much about any crazy nor'easters hitting NYC or Boston with two-plus feet this year.  Weird.  The oddest thing about it, though, is that despite all that snow, it barely sticks around for more than a couple days at a time this year.  It snows a bunch and then it gets warm and rainy two days later.  It's been like that all year.  We have to be above the average temperature by a bunch, too, because it's hovered between 35-40 most of the winter.  We've hardly had any single digits for more than a morning, and even sustained days-long weather in the teens or 20s has been rare.  It's so odd.  And with warmer weather in the forecast, I can't help but wonder if we're just going to get off easy this spring, to make up for the abysmal year last year when it was legit cold until June.

We had a pretty good Leap Day weekend.  It was actually a pretty relaxing one, which was nice.  I'm trying to enjoy it because it won't last long.  Now that Jacob's town team is done, we're just in a waiting period for his travel team.  Practice starts this week and then in a few weeks we'll have a tournament locally before more travel starts.  We already have our schedule, though, and we'll be getting a nice tour of New York State over the next few months, on average every other weekend.  I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I guess we'll make it work.  Craig only has a few major conflicts, but luckily his roadtrips are almost done--one biggie this coming weekend, one shorter one after that, and then one really quick one to Toronto.  Other than that, just home games and he should be done at the end of April.  I guess there's a bright side to life moving fast--it'll be here before we know it!

So, this weekend Craig had a home game.  That took him out of commission for most of Saturday, but he did get Jacob to and from basketball training in the morning before heading off to work.  Shortly after that, the rest of us headed out to Carter's basketball game.  His team still hasn't won a game and this week was another rough go.  They lost by about 10, which was shocking considering the number of times they gave away the ball to the other team.  I think Carter touched the ball once or twice, but every time someone tried to pass the ball up the floor, they did some crazy long pass that got intercepted.  The other team had a kid who wasn't shy about flat-out stealing the ball, either, so it just made for a really frustrating game.  It was honestly really annoying to watch the same thing happen over and over, and I normally consider myself pretty low-key while watching games.  This was bad.

After that, I'm not quite sure how it happened, but we had a peaceful afternoon at home.  The boys started collaborating on a Minecraft build, and peacefully kept themselves occupied with that all afternoon.  I know, screen time is bad, but they were talking and peacefully communicating and not arguing.  For extended periods of time!  That NEVER happens.  So I went with it.  It worked out well, since I needed to un-Valentine the house (not to mention a couple of winter stragglers).  It felt a little early for spring and Easter, so I had to track down as much generic décor as possible for the next few weeks.  I also managed to bake a cake (to use up some frosting) and hard boil some eggs in the Instant Pot, to use in a recipe with leftover asparagus and to make Carter some egg salad (which he loves).  After all of that and two loads of laundry, I finally got to sit down and start my new project: a diamond painting!

If you've never heard of it (I don't think most people have), it's basically a paint-by-number that uses little plastic pieces (a.k.a., the diamonds).  They can be round or square (mine are square) and cut to look sort of "jewel"-ish, which makes them shine and sparkle a bit.  They are tiny--smaller than an eighth of an inch wide.  They give you a canvas with pre-applied adhesive, and the picture under the adhesive is broken down into pixels.  Each pixel is marked on the canvas with a symbol, which corresponds to a color.  You use a little pointer instrument with a wax tip to pick up the little squares and place them on the canvas, one at a time.  There is a tool that can do more at a time, but that seems like more trouble to me than it's worth.  It takes a good eye and steady hand, and lots of patience.  The end result is part mosaic, part needlepoint.  Up close, the final visual effect looks like a mosaic, but from mid-range it looks more like needlepoint because of the pixelization.  However, the added sparkle makes it a bit cooler.  From afar it can look just like a regular picture.  I picked a very colorful, somewhat abstract picture, When Dreams Come True by Leonid Afremov.  I got a rather large one, 40x60cm, because smaller ones tend to look more pixelated and lose detail.  So, I figured, go big or go home!

Big it is...and look at all of those colors!

It's not the cheapest hobby, nor do I think I want to decorate my whole house in these, but I'm finding it quite addicting.  It's rather relaxing, even with having to change out the colors of the diamonds every few minutes.  There's a paper covering the adhesive, so you only want to take that off gradually so it doesn't get dried out or fuzzy.  That means that you can work on a small area, fill in everything of one color, switch to another, fill in those, and gradually peel back as you run out of space or realize there's more of the same color just beyond the paper's edge.  There have been spots with only one or two of a certain color, so that part feels a little tedious, but for whatever reason it's not at all boring.  And because you're just sort of moving along filling in holes, there's never really a clear breaking point.  It's easy to say, "Oh, just one more color," and then have another straggler color sucker you in to do more.  It's fascinating.  I love watching the colors come together and pick up details in the picture, like the bluish glare on a black lamppost, or how the light shines off the pavement and presents as countless different colors.  Sometimes you wonder how important the subtle color differences are, or you place an odd color in the middle of a completely different one, and then you see the end result and realize, "Oh, yeah, that does work!"  The subtle differences in color are amazing--there are four different whites alone, and each one definitely has its own purpose.  When you see images emerge from the picture, one color, one pixel at a time, it's pretty amazing.  So, I spent a solid chunk of time on Saturday and Sunday working on that.  I got maybe 1/12th of the way done, so I still have a long way to go.

The beginning

Midday Sunday--a tree trunk, lamp post, and park bench

In the meantime, the boys kept working on Jacob's epic Minecraft basketball arena.  He'd worked on it a couple other times previously, but he and Carter really tried to add some finishing touches this time.  Jacob did most of the work and Carter was content to observe, but then yesterday Jacob offered up some opportunities for him to help, which went pretty well.  There were a couple minor issues as the day went on, but for the better part of both afternoons they peacefully collaborated.  It felt so normal and yet completely miraculous.  That's probably how it's supposed to be, with two kids keeping each other occupied, but we get that so rarely.  Bonus points that it gave me time to do my stuff both days and gave Craig time to chill on his own on Sunday.  And like I said, while the extreme screen time wasn't ideal, the mere fact they were getting along felt far more important to me.  They need more positive bonding like that to remind themselves that maybe they could like each other.  So I'll ride this horse as long as we can before it inevitably breaks down.  Oh, and if Jacob ever calls this project done, we'll probably do a ridiculously long video tour of it because it's super duper impressive.  It was so good that when I baked that cake to use up birthday frosting, I decorated it for the "grand opening" of the arena.  It's definitely not up to my standards, but I was doing it fast and doing some experimenting that mostly didn't pan out.  Oh, well.  But it was sort of funny when the boys saw what I did!

As we all worked away on our respective projects, I couldn't help but appreciate our parallel existences.  After all, they were building an arena one cube at a time, and I was building a picture one square at a time.  Lots and lots of pixelated cubes and squares in our house this weekend!  We were also similarly struggling with stopping ourselves.  As I said, there was never a clear stopping point with mine, and Jacob was always finding one more thing to build onto when it was time to leave the house or go to bed.  I guess that apple didn't fall far from the tree!  When we set our minds on something I guess we just need to complete it!

Speaking of leaving the house, the other highlight of the weekend was going to the Knighthawks game.  We hadn't been to one since the opener due to a number of factors, so it was time.  It was Military Night, so Craig's parents came in, and we got to spend the evening in a suite with them.  Craig went all out getting us a nice setup, complete with fancy food and a Knighthawks pullover for his mom.  For all the years I've been around that arena, my time in suites has been limited, so even I enjoyed it!

Craig's dad is so proud of his veteran status, and I couldn't help but snap this picture during the anthem, as he saluted the giant flag on the field.

Craig submitted a bunch of old family photographs for a scoreboard segment honoring service men and women during a break in the game, and the look on his dad's face as he saw more and more pictures he recognized was awesome--himself, his dad, and his uncles!  It was also neat to watch his parents get excited to see Craig on the in-house TV feed and hear his play-by-play.  They were clearly so proud and it was nice for them to get a chance to appreciate in person how good he is at what he does.  Craig also took them out to the postgame party and they got to meet players and Craig's co-workers.  They even had a nice hotel room to go back to, and I'm sure they enjoyed the solitude since they have a full house these days.  I think it was really a treat for them, and from my perspective it was fun to watch since they don't get to see Craig in his element very often.

Overall, it was a great weekend.  It had a little bit of everything--fun, relaxation, self-care, and a distinct lack of yelling!  Not that it made it much easier to go back to work today, but it definitely felt fulfilling in a way weekends usually don't!  Yay for a little bit of normalcy.

News & Notes, Winter Break Edition

Well, all this build-up and we're down to one day left in February break.  I took three days off and Craig took a couple half days, just going into work for partial days when Jacob was at basketball camp and he was alone with Carter.  It was a pretty uneventful break in general.  Jacob did three days of camp, which he seemed to enjoy (but probably most enjoyed the good feedback from the camp director).  Carter got to eat out a couple days at lunch to try out places he never gets to go.  He very much enjoyed his KFC chicken strips and Domino's pizza and parmesan bites.  Other than that, it was a lot of hanging out around the house, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  As much as it's easy to get jealous of friends who are traveling this week (I've seen Mexico, New Orleans, skiing, Disney, the Adirondacks, Philly, and probably a bunch more I'm blocking out), I know we'd get back exhausted and right now the rest feels more important.  And anyway, Craig is on the road in Connecticut with the Knighthawks and we had basketball.

Of course, it's not entirely restful when the kids are up to their usual battles.  They've been manageable with only a handful of extreme spikes (which is actually decent), but it still boggles my mind how frustrating they can be.  They know full-well that Craig and I have had it with their constant battles, yet no matter how matter-of-factly we call them out on it, they keep doing it.  We've been constantly encouraging them to avoid confrontation and think twice before they react, but it hasn't really been helping.  They're still in each other's space and looking for random ways to set the other off.  It's like the worst bad habit ever.

As I mentioned, we went to a new therapist this week.  We were recommended there by our old one, who essentially ran her course.  We needed something that was more focused on our family unit (Carter included, even if Jacob is still the "official" patient), so we started with a new one, our first male therapist ever, on Thursday.  It was mostly a get-to-know-you session.  We all shared a bit about ourselves (him included) and then talked about our struggles briefly.  He wanted to start by focusing on what we're currently doing well, which was hard.  I think we came up with good one-on-one time (or really any time we have with the kids separately), suffering no major injuries despite the fights, starting well (like when the boys play a video game or basketball game together--before it goes downhill when Carter loses his temper or Jacob finds a way to make him mad), and traveling relatively well despite our challenges.  Then we went through a full family timeline, starting from when Craig and I met to Jacob starting a new school last year.  I think he was looking for any red flags, which was pretty much all of 2013 when Carter was born, Jacob started melting down, went to school, and got diagnosed with Celiac Disease, and then when we went to Disney.  Clearly that was a pivotal period.  The therapist was overly pleasant, almost cheesy, which elicited some eye rolls from Jacob, but I know it's all a part of the process to endear himself to the kids and start building trust.  Due to very limited scheduling it'll be a few weeks before we meet with him again, but eventually it will be every other week.  Let's hope it helps.

Carter had his well visit this week.  The doctor isn't concerned about the night wetting just yet but gave us the suggestion of waking him up to pee when we go to bed.  He also said he could prescribe medication if we wanted to go that route.  I'd hate to do medication, but we'll see.  Even though we don't make a big deal of it, Jacob isn't particularly understanding and I know it's going to start affecting Carter's confidence after a while, so we'll definitely need to weigh that.  After getting Carter's height and weight stats, I dug into Jacob's medical folder (what a throwback that was!) and found his physical form from his seven-year well visit.  I was curious how the boys compared in size.  Turns out Jacob was about two inches taller and seven pounds heavier.  Despite Carter starting to fit into clothes Jacob wore in second grade, it's about what I expected but still a bummer because I'd hoped that maybe he'd gained a little more ground.  Clearly Carter got my height genes--poor kid.  Even still, he's around the 50th percentile, so we'll take that (and just ignore that really low percentile for weight!  The kid eats, but he's just skinny!).  But otherwise, the doctor was happy with his progress.

This weekend marked Jacob's last games with his current town team.  It's been a long, challenging season--mostly due to issues with uncommitted and disrespectful players--so it's a bit of a relief that it's over.  He had a four-game tournament, and they lost all four.  Their best player missed the last two weekends of the season due to bad grades, and they only won one game out of six.   Jacob played great on Friday night, scoring six points in one game and 10 in another, and collecting a bunch of steals and blocks.  Sunday was a different story.  He got shut out in the first game (and they lost pretty badly to a team they beat earlier in the season), but he rebounded with four points in a tough, close loss in the second game.  I won't miss having to schedule our weekends at the last minute, but we will miss watching some of the kids play.  The coach wants him back next year, but it remains to be seen if he'll even play in this league with the option of modified sports at school.  We'll also have to see how his upcoming travel season goes.  One of his current teammates will be on that team, and he'll play with a couple other kids he played with last summer in the pickup league he played in.  We have yet to get the full schedule but it will be interesting to see where we have to go.  I'd say we get a break for a bit, but Carter is still playing for four more weeks and Jacob will probably be going to training twice this week before team practice starts next week.  I guess we're just a full-time basketball family now!

As for me, I'm still not feeling 100%.  Every time it seems like I'm getting better, I'm sneezing and sniffling all over again.  This latest round (let's say the fourth spike in a little over a month) started last night.  It's not as bad as a full-blown cold, but it's annoying.  It worries me a bit that I can't seem to get better.  Craig is pretty similar but mine seems to be impacting my energy more than his.  He's kept up with his workouts, whereas I've only worked out a handful of times in the last few months.  The one period I was healthy was during the holidays and I was just too busy for staying in shape.  My nose is cracked where it always drips and I'm just tired of sniffling and blowing it.  At least I can breathe most of the time, but still.  I just need to feel better.  I'm gaining weight and running season will be painful if I can't get myself back into some sort of maintenance mode soon.  If it lasts much longer I'll probably be back at the doctor's office demanding blood work (or maybe requesting it electronically to avoid whatever else is going around), but for now I'll just wait for spring.  At least it's not the flu...yet...knock on wood. 

The kids are dreading going back to school (and work is busy as well), but everyone is eager for Craig to come back home tomorrow.  Only a few more roadtrips left this season (though one is a two-game doozy and the other is pretty far).  Two more months.  And spring is just around the corner...on the calendar, anyway.  More daylight is helpful this time of year, but it looks like we have another wacky weather week ahead in this oddly warm but snowy winter.  But even with a leap year, March is in sight!

How We Got Here (a.k.a. Getting my Brain in Order for a New Therapist)

It's been a long, strange journey.  Our path through pediatric mental health treatment has not been an easy one.  For the past six-and-half years, we've been trying to find the key to Jacob's peace.  We haven't found it yet, so tomorrow we'll be trying something new--family counseling.  We actually really liked his last counselor.  She was friendly and funky and very patient (maybe too patient?) with Jacob's tangents.  I never felt like we had major breakthroughs, but we did finish up a bit more sane than when we started.  Whether that was more due to her help or just the passage of time, it's hard to tell.  But if nothing else, she was a solid sounding board for us to make sure we weren't nuts.  But it became clear we weren't really making much progress and the problems were now bigger than just Jacob.  We needed to get Carter in the mix, too, to have them work together (and us with them) to conquer the barriers to peace in our house.  I'm not even sure this iteration is going to be what we're expecting, but it's a next step we have to take.  So, on the eve of that, and knowing we'll have a lot of family history to recount, I'm trying to get my thoughts in order.  So in case you needed a recap, here goes...

The first 18 months of Jacob's life were relatively uneventful.  I mean, it didn't feel like it at the time, but I know I loved motherhood back then even with the challenges, so the good definitely outweighed the bad.  Yes, he was in the hospital for a week after birth receiving antibiotics, and he had bronchiolitis twice early on and ended up diagnosed with acid reflux and slow stomach emptying after a nine-month-long cough, but for the most part I think he was generally a sweet, happy baby.

At 18 months he changed daycares and had his first stomach bug, all in the same week.  The daycare transition was a bit rough, but I don't think anything seemed too traumatizing, at least not beyond crying at dropoff for the first week or so.  Then a couple months later we moved into a new house.  That, too, seemed fine aside from a mysterious mid-move meltdown.  But somewhere in that mix, things got harder.  Maybe it was just because he was just getting more mobile shortly before all of that, and once things settled down into a new normal, it became more apparent that he was getting into more and making things just a bit harder with his strong will.  It's hard to tell, but that's when I remember things shifting a bit.  It only got harder from there, and no type of discipline seemed to keep him in line.

By the time Jacob was three, it was apparent we had a handful of a child.  I still remember sitting at his pre-K open house, completely embarrassed because he would not properly participate in the activities that showed us what their daily circle time was like.  He was disruptive and rude and eventually had to be taken out, in contrast to the rest of the kids who dutifully did everything they were supposed to do.  I think it was probably one of those key moments where I realized things might be different for us.  There were other moments, like when I watched him organize his toys or heard him spout endless information about a certain topic (generally something about sports), where I worried he might be on the spectrum.  We watched the TV show "Parenthood" and the character with Asperger's had some odd behaviors that felt rather familiar to us.  But for the longest time everyone just insisted it was normal, every kid is hard, boys are just energetic, and he just needed a little extra discipline.  I feel like we tried everything, and it never really got easier.  It got so bad that we put off having another baby for an extra year because we couldn't imagine dealing with him and a newborn.

When we finally did have a second baby, it set the stage for the hardest phase yet.  It didn't start right away, oddly.  At least, I didn't notice a cosmic shift when the baby came home.  I still insist I saw something change in Jacob's face when he walked into my hospital room and saw me holding his brother, but the behavior shift wasn't immediate.  He did spend a lot of time with Craig once Carter came home, since I was often nursing, and if he was missing me, he really didn't let on.  But six months in, everything went downhill.  He was having massive meltdowns, acting out physically, and being incredibly stubborn about random stuff, like which clothes he wanted to wear, which led to lengthy stand-offs.  It was exhausting and deeply concerning, which led us to get him tested for anything and everything right around the time he started Kindergarten.  Those tests randomly turned up Celiac Disease, which explained the stomach aches he'd been complaining about for months.  So, between a new brother, school starting, and chronic pain, it's no wonder he was upset, but even with some of those things managed, even therapy didn't seem to be making much of a difference.  Even still, we did therapy on and off for a few years, never quite finding the right fit.  He wasn't very participatory and the schedules didn't jive with school a lot of the time, so we earned a nasty note about his tardies and early releases.  We even tried a school district-sponsored family therapy program when he was seven, but despite the full family participation, it just didn't seem to be enough to cut through our issues.

His school behavior was challenging--at its worst in Kindergarten with an unhelpful teacher.  We had him evaluated, per the school's request, but the doctor did not believe he had ADHD or any sign of being on the spectrum at that time.  Things were still challenging but more tolerable with subsequent understanding teachers who were willing to work with him and could see his positives.  However, a turning point came in third grade when he was clearly struggling with the academic demands, which had never been an issue before.  His math grade went down, which was odd given his strong math skills, and his teacher reported to us that she frequently had to repeat instructions and redirect him--far more than the other kids.  At that time we chose to have him re-evaluated, and we began both ADHD medication and his most recent counseling stint.  The medication seemed to lead to an almost immediate turn-around at school.  His academic performance improved and he even started to like school!

But home remained extremely difficult.  He went through a lengthy phase of generally ignoring Carter, which wasn't ideal but in retrospect kept things far more peaceful.  He still did his fair share of talking back and arguing with us, but at least he left his brother alone.  A few years ago, that changed and their relationship became more challenging.  It may have coincided with Carter getting into his stuff (which rarely happened but was probably perceived as more frequent), or it may have been that Jacob tried to do brotherly things but ended up disappointed with not having an equally capable playmate.  It became apparent that he harbored anger and jealousy toward Carter and seemed to do everything in his power to put him down.  Over the years things became increasingly more physical, to the point that they have hands-on run-ins nearly every day currently.  Fortunately none have been serious, but we've had a few bruises and scratches over the years.

Throughout this time, Jacob's relationship with us has remained challenging, but doesn't necessarily go to the extremes it once did.  We definitely still have stand-offs and frustrations, but the in-between moments have gotten much better, particularly when his brother is not around.  The problem, however, is that he is a terrible judge of other people's perspectives, and he's constantly making misguided attempts at humor that fall flat.  He tries to make jokes when the last thing we need is humor.  He wants to play music that no one else enjoys.  He makes comments about his brother that he thinks are jokes but are actually hurtful.  Those actions seem to be an attempt at capturing attention, but they usually just end up being annoying.  That's not how you want to perceive your interactions with your child, but with the frequency they occur, it can be truly exhausting at times.  Another challenge for us is that we've become so sensitized to their constant battles that we inadvertently freak out the second we hear the familiar shrieks, giggles, and yelling that inevitably turn into an all-out battle.  They think we're overreacting, but a) our response is essentially involuntary now, like Pavlov's dog; and b) if we don't intervene early, it will undoubtedly get worse.  We've tried periods of not interfering, but it usually ends up in an injury or an extremely angry outburst from one kid or another caused by some perceived injustice.  Right now neither of them has the ability to avoid the conflict or step back and diffuse it, so it has to be us.

These days we seem to keep running into the same vicious cycle.  One kid annoys the other, which leads to a fight, but neither kid admits to being the cause.  Sometimes I don't think they understand the cause, because whatever action they contributed seemed harmless in their opinion.  For example, it could be that Carter kicked Jacob's bag on the floor of the back seat of the car, or brushed by him on the couch at home (accidentally or not), and Jacob takes major offense.  Or maybe Jacob makes a disparaging comment to Carter, which sets Carter off.  In general, the bullying-type comments are nearly constant from Jacob, which seems to have left Carter permanently poised to overreact.  Carter generally relies on physical retaliation, which as the smaller kid doesn't usually go well.  But sometimes he will try to get the first shot in when he sees the situation going downhill, which then sets Jacob off.  It's almost never clear how it started because the smallest insignificant action could have done it.  They are like oil and water, and yet inevitably they will still find their way to mix it up one another even if they've been previously separated into separate areas or rooms.  We can leave the room for a mere moment and suddenly they're fighting again.  It is nearly constant.

My best guess as to what is happening is that Jacob still harbors anger and jealousy about Carter entering our family and "taking his place".  He then feels compelled to put Carter down incessantly and "prove" that he's the better kid.  In the process, Carter has become a bullied kid and takes offense to everything, making him feel like he has to fight back or even get the first shot in for the inevitable barrage that coming at him whenever Jacob is around.  Both feel justified in their actions as proper revenge, and neither will back off and let the other "win".   They're in the ultimate competition to be better, and it's made for an impossibly exhausting parenting task that has us both on edge all the time.  At this point it's hard to know what they can control and what is essentially hard-wired into their brains, so punishments are hard to gauge and solutions seem few and far between.  We love our kids, but we just need some relief from the constant battles.  Let's hope this is the beginning of figuring out how to teach these boys to genuinely care for each other and realize there's enough love in this house for both of them.

A Big Day for a Big Boy!

It's pretty rare that our kids have their birthday party on their actual birthday.  Jacob's first birthday was like that--on a cold, rainy June day--but I don't think we've had one since.  And you know what?  I sort of feel like it's for the better, for so many reasons.  First, it's a lot to cram into one day.  Second, parties are a lot of work for me and even though I love creating something special for my kids, it's a lot of time away from them on their big day.  Third, it's so much more fun spreading out the celebrations and making it more than just one day.

But this year, Craig had Carter's birthday weekend off, so it seemed like a good fit to have it this weekend--meaning, either on his birthday or the day after.  I feel like Saturday parties are easier for family coming in from out of town, but harder for me because an extra weekend day to prepare is always helpful.  Complicating matters was that we don't get Jacob's basketball schedule until the Thursday or Friday before, so we had to plan a party ahead of time and hope Jacob's games weren't at the same time.  They had rarely been later on a Saturday afternoon, so we hoped that was a safer option.  Good thing, too, because we ended up having Jacob's basketball games almost all of Sunday afternoon!  We knew we had Carter's game on Saturday morning, so we already had to work around that.  On the bright side, my parents were able to come in for the game and get a two-for-one deal on the day!  I had such a busy work week that I couldn't take a day off to prepare, so in the end it was a mad scramble to get ready.  I was up rather late on Friday and used every available minute (and then half of the party) getting everything prepared.  I'm not sure I'd recommend cramming everything into one day, but it was a pretty good one!

We did start the birthday celebration a little early by letting Carter pick our Valentine's night dinner, which ended up being Red Robin.  The next morning, we had to be up at a reasonable time to do last-minute party prep (mostly cleaning), open presents, and be sure we were out of the house on time to get to Carter's game.  It wasn't easy, but we (mostly) pulled it off.

Carter was excited to open presents!

He got two new figures for his Treasure X King's Gold Tomb that he got for Christmas...

...plus a Call of Duty Lego-type set (he got a different set for Christmas) and two new Beyblades.  I made a last minute decision to order a new box of magnetic tiles for him.  He enjoys building with them, but he either likes to go big and runs out of tiles, or two or more of us try to build at the same time and run out.  One of our favorite brands had new style tiles--these have less plastic but have a cool jewel-cut pattern on the plastic face--and the price was more reasonable than in the past, so I took advantage and bought a new set.  Anything to encourage use of stuff we already have, I guess!

He seemed pretty excited!

His last gift was a total crapshoot by me, and only ended up being a birthday gift because it sold out at Christmas.  I saw it on a best toy list and thought it might be a lot of fun, especially since he likes gumballs.  It's a gumball machine maker that uses STEM principles to build all sorts of stunts and obstacles to retrieve your gumball.  Once we showed him what it did, he thought it sounded pretty cool!

After that, it was off to his game!  We met my parents there.  His team had another rough one despite finally having all their players for the first time in a few weeks.  Carter had a couple good shots (including his second in two weeks that bounced on the rim a couple times and then bounced off), but it looked like he was going to get shut out again when he went off the floor after his last second half shift.  But then one of his teammates got hurt, and I think his coach sent him back out since it was his birthday.  And then he got a prime opportunity, shot it, and boom--his first basket!  It was so exciting!  For a kid who claims to not like basketball much these days, he looked pretty pleased with himself!  After the game, his coaches brought in cupcakes (complete with a candle) for each of the three (!) birthday boys this weekend, and Carter passed out his own snack, birthday cake Rice Krispies treats, which we figured would be easy to take home since we knew there would be the normal snack handout.  But who knew there would be cupcakes, too?!

After the game it was back home for a quick lunch (well, I never ended up eating) and a lot of last minute prep.  I had an entire cake to decorate, which would have been enough.  Thank goodness my mom was there to cut cheese, wash fruit, and mix up my broccoli rice casserole.  It ended up a little hectic with ordering food and getting out snacks and Craig forgetting his wallet, but in the end we had a nice little party.

And, of course, there was cake...

Clockwise from top left - Pig, Steve, TNT block, Creeper

Carter wanted a Minecraft cake, and Pinterest only had a few ideas to offer.  Most of them used a ton of fondant or a bunch of Minecraft figures, and a lot of them looked like a combination of Carter's Spider-man cake from a few years ago and his dinosaur cake last year--squared off, stacked cake with green grass and brown sides--along with rice krispie treats (which are hard to replicate gluten-free) and blue jello to create a full landscape.  We only had Lego Minecraft figures, too, so probably not the best plan.  I wanted to do something different and found a fondant version of this cake.  I liked that it had a bunch of different elements of the game, and the squared off images seemed easy to recreate.  In the end there's a lot I would have done differently (better measuring more than anything) but in the end I think it turned out cute.

I later added Carter's name on the pan and a "7" on the unbalanced bottom of the TNT block (ugh), just so I could easily remember what year this was from.  After a very tasty meal and a quick gift opening (a bunch of cards (including a rather large bill from my parents that he waved around) and one gift (a bunch of Playmobil police stuff from Craig's parents), it was on to actually eating that cake!

He had a pretty great day as a whole, despite all the busyness, though I think it was a lot to take in since he did escape into his room with the tablet after a while.  He did spend part of the party going back through his gifts from us, testing out his Beyblades and digging out the Treasure X figures from the "magic rock" they're buried in (sort of like kinetic sand but messier and with bigger pieces).  After some serious cleanup I pretty much collapsed on the couch in exhaustion from a very long week, and while I was there he set to building his giant robot with magnetic tiles!

Almost as tall as him!

It was definitely a busy day, but it was a good one.  I do sort of prefer filling their actual birthday with activities with our immediate family (presents, dinner, and maybe something fun) and having a whole other day to celebrate more with our extended family, but I think it made for one extra fun day for the birthday boy!  Luckily, he still has a couple gifts coming (one from Uncle John in Oregon, and another from Craig's brother's family, since they couldn't make it due to an out-of-town hockey tournament for two kids and play practice for the other two).  So at least he'll get a little bit of an extension.  This week is also winter break, so we'll have a whole week to play with his new toys and recharge a little.  That should go better than last year, when he had his tonsil surgery at the beginning of break.  We have plenty to fill our time, though, from Carter's annual well visit to three days of basketball camp for Jacob.  Craig goes on the road on Friday and Jacob has a tournament starting sometime near the end of the week.  Thank goodness a few other things are taking a week off, but it'll go quickly, I have no doubt.

But all in all, it was a successful birthday for Carter and I'm now adjusting to having a seven-year-old!  Crazy...but good.

Seven

Dear Carter,

Lucky number 7!  I simply can't believe you're seven years old!  In some ways it seems like you've been here forever and I can barely remember what it was like to have one kid.  But in other ways it seems like just yesterday that I was giantly pregnant and super uncomfortable for those last few weeks.  The snow we had last weekend brought back memories because we had another snowstorm around that same time the year you were born.  We had a lot of snow and Dad was on the road (and Jacob had a stomach bug), so I was hoping like crazy that you'd just stay in there for a bit longer.  You didn't wait too much longer, mind you, but it was long enough!

That was an 8-foot tall tree, completely bent over!

To think that was all seven years ago is amazing, and that tiny little baby we brought home a week or so later is now a legit big kid.  I do miss those days.  You were the sweetest baby, the happiest little kid, and such a sweet little buddy for so long.  It breaks my heart to know those happy-go-lucky little kid days are over for us, but I know having big kids has benefits, too.  Just keep the hugs going and I think we'll be fine, okay?

I feel like Jacob seemed a lot older at seven, but you two are so different and I'm sure him being the oldest and you being the youngest probably impacted the amount of "babying" you each received.  I think part of the difference is that he's always been very driven about the things that he was interested in, whereas you just sort of take life as it comes.  At seven he was actively playing sports every chance he got and creating elaborate toy setups, so he probably seemed a lot more independent.  But you're content to watch a show, play an electronic game, or casually play with some toys when the other two aren't an option, and you prefer to do all of it with company (usually Dad).  You were usually an easy-going baby and toddler, so I guess this is the big kid version--content to play whatever with whoever is around.  The extra dependence probably makes you seem younger than your brother did, but I guess we should just be grateful you still like having us around!

I've felt more than ever in this last year that you're becoming more of a puzzle.  I'm totally not sure where you're headed in life or what kind of person you will become.  With your brother there was no question that sports would be a part of his life, but you are definitely a wild card.  My sweet little boy has definitely evolved into a more challenging kid who likes to test and sneak a bit more than I'd like, but I can't figure out if it has to do with an evolving personality, challenges with your brother, too much electronics, or something else.  Your friendships seem a bit odd--hot and cold at times, though often I think the "cold" is your perspective, since one friend you insist isn't one anymore keeps begging for a playdate (sorry, one of these days Jacob's basketball schedule will let us plan more than a day in advance), and another seems perfectly friendly in passing.  You still don't like school, but you seem to like reading more when you're there, so I'll take it.  You've improved so much with that, by the way, which is a bit of a relief.  Still hoping to get you to be a real reader, but with how energetic and antsy you are, getting you to sit might be even more of a challenge than it was for your brother!  His overactivity was mostly in his brain, but yours seems to be all-around--body *and* mind most of the time.  It can be a lot to manage, especially at this time of year when outside isn't the easiest place to play.  You love to run, and I think right now you're just tolerating basketball so you have a place to do it twice a week.

Despite your need to move, electronics are the one thing that gets you to sit still.  They were an issue at this time last year and are still a problem, but I can say I've gotten less shy about flat-out banning them at times, which forces you to work that imagination.  The other day I even found you reading books!  I'm doing everything I can to maximize your toy time while you're still young enough, but keeping up the energy to hold you to it isn't always easy because you're always gravitating toward the screens!  You like to talk about your games, shows, and Minecraft builds a lot, which isn't always easy for my attention span, but I'm trying!  I can tell there's a lot of creativity in your brain, and it's so much better used away from electronics, but I keep hoping maybe someday all this screen time will lead you to your passion--and hopefully it's lucrative!

The good news about the screen time is that it keeps you away from your brother, as your battling has possibly gotten even worse this last year.  There is a magnetic force that keeps you both going after each other.  One second you're in different rooms, and the next you're all over each other for no apparent reason.  It's hard to determine who starts it, because usually you're the first to lash out physically, but it's not unlikely that Jacob said something that set you off.  Sometimes the littlest brush of an arm or a seemingly innocent comment gets one of you going, then then it's all out war.  As a result, both of you will always blame the other, so trying to get to the bottom of your battles is impossible.  To make matters worse, neither of you seems able to make decisions to avoid getting into these messes in the first place, nor is anyone willing to step aside until someone's hurt or miserable.  It's exhausting and it hasn't made for the best home life lately.  I know that's probably not enhancing your personality development in any sort of good way--it only seems to make you more defensive and frustrated when we're upset or you feel like Jacob is getting away with something.

I worry a bit because you're not the super happy kid you once were, and I'm not sure how to manage your moods.  I suppose it's inevitable, but I sort of figured we'd be able to wait for the tween years before the real moodiness set in.  You have good moments, for sure, but it's a lot harder to find pure joy in you these days.  You're very evasive with grownups and try to keep a poker face at all times when other adults are around.  Not sure how to ease you out of that or find the kid whose smile used to charm strangers at Disney and Wegmans, but hopefully he's still in there somewhere.  Sometimes as a parent it's hard to know what's just growing up and exerting independence vs. something more, and most days I'm still not sure with you.  Regardless, I'm just sorry that I wasn't able to protect you from all the things that created this hardened shell you seem to carry with you now.

The last two weeks I've been putting hearts on your door leading up to Valentine's Day with all the things we love about you or want you to remember about yourself.  You got so mad at me last weekend that you not only threatened to rip them down but also insisted they weren't true because your punishment proved I didn't love you.  Ugh.  I seriously thought we'd have a few more years before you tried to use my own words against me, so clearly we're going to have our work cut out for us when the tween years really hit!  I hope you know that I love you so much, no matter the punishment I just laid down or the injustice you think you're experiencing.  In the end I'm trying to do it all for your own good, but I know sometimes I'll make mistakes, too.  We're both learning, I guess.

But no matter how frustrated I get, most nights I'm still content to lay down next to you at bedtime and get in a good snuggle.  I think that's sort of the definition of unconditional love, right?  To have someone make you crazy all day but to still be drawn to be near to them at the end of the day anyway because they still hold your heart.  I can't imagine my life without you, and I hope this year is your best yet!  I love you so much!

Love,
Mom

The Evolution of Valentine's Day

I'll be honest.  I'm not really a fan of this holiday.  It's fine, I guess, and it's good for making sure you take a day to honor the ones you love.  BUT...that should actually be happening every day, so I guess maybe it's allowing a massive cop-out to get the lovey stuff out of the way today?  I don't know.  It's never really been a big thing for us.  We've tried, but I think most of it felt forced, like it was what we were supposed to be doing on this one day of the year.  Pre-kids it was fine, but post-kids it got hard, and honestly, who needs to make life any harder, especially on a day where we're supposed to just appreciate each other.  And then Carter was born the day after, so everything got even more complicated.  So, now I just do what I can and leave it at that.

When I was a kid, I was fine with the classroom Valentine exchange, but I'll be honest--even then I was probably more in it for the class party and snacks.  Any sort of break from learning was appreciated, especially with treats.  When I got a little older, let's say around Jacob's age, the stakes got a little bigger and decidedly more awkward.  At that point I wanted a real Valentine, and probably made myself crazy reading into how my current crush wrote his Valentine to me.  Was it like everyone else's Valentines, or was it special?  Of course, my success in the love department during my middle school years was not great, so I think I just had to lean back on the class party and snacks for any sort of enjoyment.

In high school I entered an entirely new level of hell, because our high school did a carnation sale.  Everyone bought carnations for their friends (white) and their love/crush (red).  I'm pretty sure watching the homeroom deliveries go down freshman year probably changed my brain chemistry and made me desperate for one the next year, and oh man, what a mess that was.  I actually just told Jacob this story the other day, presumably to make a point about love gone wrong or something like that.  Or maybe I just asked if his school seemed to be doing anything, and then explained why it sucked that mine did.

My sophomore year, I had a massive crush on the guy who sat next to me in English.  He was adorably geeky and super smart.  He took multiple foreign languages (just like me), and I found his intelligence very attractive.  This guy ended up being our valedictorian (no surprise to anyone) and is to this day incredibly successful.  He actually just stepped down as CEO of a very successful company just because he had the right person to hand over the reins to (though he's still involved), and is taking a break by traveling until his next steps become clear.  He's pretty incredible--though I'd venture a significantly different type of person than he was back then.  But anyway...I had a massive crush on him.  About a week or so out from Valentine's Day, two of my best friends let me know that someone was going to be sending me a red carnation.  This was a BIG deal to a girl who really, really, really wanted a boyfriend, and I immediately guessed it had to be him because there wasn't really anyone else floating out there at the time.  Well, ultimately I was right, but my friends spent the next week trying to convince me (read: lying to me) about who was sending it, which turned into this awful thing because it really wasn't fun anymore when the two options were a) your friends are lying to your face (even if it's for a good cause), or b) there's some mystery guy out there that you're totally not into and you'll probably look like a jerk if you don't respond appropriately.  Neither was a good option, so suffice it to say that it was awkward and annoying.  Well, on the day the flowers got delivered, that guy (and my friends) were actually out of school for an all-county band event.  I got a bunch of carnations that day--one silly decoy, one apology from my friends, and one incredibly adorable sweet note from the guy.  I think I still have it, in fact.  The plan was that we'd meet up at the school dance that night, but that was horrifying to me because I'd never really gone to one and didn't know what to wear, nor did I know how to dance.  So the whole thing again ended up really awkward and our one slow dance (which took a lot of convincing) looked like the super-stereotypical, awkward, leave-room-for-the-Holy-Spirit first dance.  Ugh.  Still, I think it ended okay, only over the weekend I got tipped off to the fact that while everyone was at all-county band all weekend, that it came out that maybe he wasn't so interested in moving beyond friendship.  So, on Monday (actual Valentine's Day) when he was back in school, it was (again) super awkward and I was crushed.  That crushing lasted a long time, too.  Even though we managed to be friends again, I'll estimate it took a solid 18 months for the hurt and the crush to totally go away, and even then I had weak moments when he'd be exceptionally sweet (just because that's how he was--not because he was leading me on or anything).  I never really understood what happened, though in college it turned out he was actually gay, so maybe that was part of it.  I didn't get drunk enough at my 10th high school reunion to ask the question, so perhaps now I'll never know.  But suffice it to say, it set the stage for being rather guarded about this holiday for years to come.

Valentine's Day actually changed everything in college, as it was the first night Mary and I attended an InterVarsity large group meeting, which redirected the rest of our college careers.  It was a little weird to go to an all-girls party off-campus afterward, and even weirder when a bunch of the single boys shaved their heads in a comedic protest of the holiday and dropped off the hair on the front porch of the house we were at.  Despite the immense weirdness of that, we stuck around, and those friendships were the core of our entire college experience.  One of those shaved head guys even ended up being a very dear college boyfriend, as well!  But even with those great friendships, most Valentine's Days spent with the girls left me feeling a bit empty, particularly once a lot of the girls our age were coupled off and spent that evening with their guys.  I did get flowers from a guy one year, but even those were awkward because I wasn't that into him!

Onward into adulthood and my early years with Craig, we did the usual dinner thing and struggled through finding appropriate gifts that didn't seem too cliched.  But it was fine.  Heck, some years we even had to work that evening, so we didn't really have a choice.  And celebrating Valentine's Day on another day just seems weird...though I'm sure I insisted on it at some point.

Then, like I said, kids made it even harder.  Seven years ago, Valentine's Day officially became synonymous with my worst pregnant day ever, as I was exhausted and completely uncomfortable with baby pressure.  I slept terribly, worked through sciatica and pressure, then sat on a hard metal bleacher watching Jacob finish his six-week soccer stint.  By the time we went to dinner at Friendly's, I could barely eat or sit comfortably at the booth.  I also noticed some blood when I went to the bathroom, and got a little excited that this might be it--though I definitely did not want a Valentine's Day baby so I was hoping things held off.  Even still, I could barely finish dinner and even ended up taking my Happy Ending sundae to go, just so I could get home and lay down.  And I woke up the next morning feeling pretty good, so imagine my surprise when my water broke at my desk and I had a baby in my arms less than 12 hours later!  But I will never forget that day...or how mind-blowing it felt to eat my leftover Friendly's sundae three days later when I got home from the hospital, realizing everything had changed since the night I ordered it.

Since then, Valentine's Day has been merely a speed bump to get to Carter's birthday.  It's just one more thing I have to do amidst birthday prep, busy weeks at work, the 100th day of school, and whatever else falls during this time.  And you know what, I think things have come full circle, because I think I'm just back to hoping for a little food and a mental break from work to celebrate the day.  Our office actually had our thing yesterday (and I had to miss it for an event I was working), but you can bet that the leftovers and a goodie bag from my boss were all I needed to give the day a boost.

As for us, the kids each got a little bag of fun candy, and I stocked up Craig with a couple treats, too. They gave me roses and a DVD movie.  We went out to dinner, mostly for Carter's birthday since his party takes over dinner tomorrow.  I did manage to do one of those Pinterest-y things for the last two weeks--I wrote up hearts with things that are special about each kid and added one to their bedroom door each day.  Both boys got compliments on their basketball skills.  A lot of Carter's are about being silly, creative, cuddly, and a good runner, and Jacob's are about his passion, abilities, and how I appreciate the little things he does for me.  The last few days were reminders of their place in our family and how much they are loved by God and us.  I'm not sure they appreciated it as much as I'd hoped (I was hoping for Advent calendar enthusiasm, but not quite), but hopefully they're just internalizing it all and know how much they are loved.

The rest of tonight has been a mad rush to prepare for Carter's birthday and party tomorrow.  There's still a lot to do, but we're getting there.  I can't wait to celebrate our newly-minted seven-year-old...and then maybe relax a little after a very busy week!