Thank goodness for a mid-week holiday, or else I might never get this post done before the next trip! We had a busy weekend in Massachusetts, and now it's a partial workday, a holiday, another workday, and then we're back on the road. I suppose I should pack. But first...Massachusetts!
We got on the road right on time on Friday, around 3pm. But 20 minutes in, I realized I forgot the case of water in my car trunk. In the meantime, Jacob wasn't feeling that great (which I guess was an issue with the last trip), and I wondered if he was having car sickness issues. So, we stopped at a Wegmans before we got out of Rochester and picked up a new case of water (they're only a few bucks for 35 bottles) and some natural ginger car sickness medicine for Jacob. It was a pretty quick stop and soon we were back on the road.
The jovial mood didn't last long, as we started running into traffic pretty quickly. We hit backup after backup, and after a while we figured out that we were following a thunderstorm. The pavement was almost always wet, but we were in sun and no rain in sight. It turns out that there was even a tornado (!) right near Verona, just past Syracuse, probably shortly before we got there! Anyway, all we can figure is that the numerous accidents and other slowdowns were due to crazy rain ahead of us. Yet we didn't hit it at all for the first few hours.
Traffic eased up after Syracuse through Utica, but sometime after that it started getting slow in spots again. We seemed to be catching up to the rain, however, as we had rainbows in the sky for at least an hour or more of that leg. They started out as two bottom halves and eventually became a full one.
Around that time we started hitting some actual rain in spots, and we noticed that the rock walls on the side of the road had waterfalls that aren't normally there! Hard to see in this picture, but if you look close, you can see the whole wall is full of cascading muddy water.
The rainbow was huge and slightly comforting considering how challenging the first part of the trip had been! Around that point we had to start thinking about dinner. None of the rest stops had much for Jacob, so we searched for a familiar place ahead of us, and we found a Five Guys in Schenectady.
Once we got off the Thruway and on the expressway to Schenectady, we started to hit hardcore rain. The sky got so dark--like 9pm dark at 7:30--and the rain started to get intense. It was like buckets of water splashing on the windshield at times. Then we'd get in a short lull, and you could literally see the next wave coming at us. You can see it coming in this picture where the road looks a little whiter...
This video probably only begins to show how crazy it was, but here goes:
It was NUTS. Anyway, we finally got to Five Guys and ate dinner before chasing down the rain again. It seriously felt like we might never get there. We had to make another potty stop, tried to get the kids to sleep, and just generally pushed through the dark and lack of scenery to the hotel. Craig did great at the wheel. Eventually we got to the hotel, a Holiday Inn Express, and it was pretty awesome. Cool room, very nice and modern, comfortable beds, and of course the best hotel breakfast ever! Cinnamon rolls for the win!
It was a late night, but luckily we didn't have to rush in the morning as the games were later in the morning than usual. Breakfast was great, and then off to the fields we went. The site was interesting, as it was at Fort Devens, a former military base, much of which is abandoned but still standing. The flow of the games was good--45 minutes on, 45 minutes off. We got through our three games pretty quickly, all things considered. We tried a chair umbrella this time to ward off the sun, and I still got a little sunburn, but the overall effect was much less brutal than the Syracuse tournaments where I got so much sunburn. Of course, the tightening mechanism on the clamp lost its knob on day 2, but I think I made a good fix yesterday with a single wing nut from Lowe's...we'll see! Anyway, the boys ended up 2-1 on day one after a pretty lopsided loss to one tough team. It was good enough for third place, which put us in the winners' bracket the next day. Oh, and Jacob got a goal!
You can see what we believe are the old barracks in the background. The brick was gorgeous, but otherwise they were not in good shape. Rotting dormers, boarded up and broken windows. It was sad.
High jump!
Perhaps we'll have another lacrosse player one of these days...
After a little break at the hotel, we headed to a nearby entertainment venue another family had told us about, Kimball Farm. A few other families were heading there, as well. Jacob ate some leftover pizza before we got there, as the menu didn't look promising for him, but the rest of us did eat there. The place was really cool, with tons of activities. They had a zip line, something resembling bumper cars, mini golf, bumper boats, a driving range, a pitch and putt, an arcade, a general store, an animal exhibit, ice cream stand, and more. We were lucky the rain held off while we were there, and Jacob was able to run off with his teammates to do bumper boats and golf.
The zip line station is to the right--Carter really wanted to do it, but maybe I'll feel better about it if we come back here next year. The bumper car-type thing was to the left.
Our view at dinner...looking across to the arcade and bumper boats. One of the mini golf courses was in view to the far right. The truck was a dairy truck with their name on it.
As we finished dinner and Jacob's teammates were all milling around and climbing on a nearby rock, Carter decided he wanted in on the fun. And kudos to him, he made it up by himself! Look how big it is!
This is the bumper boats. Jacob is not out there, but I wanted to be able to show what he did. Unfortunately I couldn't do it with the golf course, but they looked really cool!
The foliage around the place was gorgeous.
The silo near the ice cream stand (we would have tried it but it was crazy overpriced!)
While Jacob played, we talked to other parents and visited the general store with Carter. Eventually Carter and I wandered over to the arcade, just to look around. Much to my dismay, it was a little pricey. However, as we were getting ready to leave, a couple handed us a play card with two bucks left on it! We played a couple games, then went to find Craig and Jacob since we had been gone for a while. Reunited, we wandered back in to use the last of the money and redeem the points on the card, but it ended up being a little tough. Jacob wanted to play but he'd already had nearly $20 worth of fun (happy to do it for his bonding with teammates), and I thought Carter should have some fun. But he kept wanting to play games that were too old for him, cost too much, or wouldn't earn points, and he was just as happy sitting there with the demo mode on! Eventually we were just ready to go, so I played a quick game to maximize points and get us out of there without argument ASAP. As we tried to figure out how to spend our points, someone else handed us a card with points left on it! Our lucky day, for sure! We ended up having plenty for what the kids wanted. Jacob picked out something we've basically forbidden--a Baby Bottle Pop candy (and we only let him get it because it was free) and Carter got a stuffed snake and two Airhead candies. Happy boys!
Baby Bottle Pop! (UGH.)
Just a few pics from the long walk back to the car...
Looking back toward the food and country store. Goats to the right and a pretty tree-canopied patio at the far end.
Cool birds outside the animal experience
Really pretty view over the driving range--notice the hills in the distance to the far left.
More pretty flowers...
The woodsy path back to the car
The big boys watching Carter run around right before we left. That area was really pretty.
Carter was running around this circular rock bench and was happy to pose for a picture with his snake!
One more gorgeous one!
We had an even later start the next day, and I'm pretty sure it was even hotter than the day before. Our first game was a tough match, but the boys gutted it out. Jacob chipped in a key assist and we won 5-4! We found out later that their goalie (and possibly one of their other players) was a year older. That isn't supposed to happen, but apparently they knew they couldn't beat us with their usual one, so they made some excuse and had an older kid (who was a head taller than our goalies) step in. We saw the other kid play in their next game, and he looked pretty much like our goalies. Brutal. But we were so excited to see the boys advance to the final!
Carter found two balls after one game that were just sort of lost behind the net!
In the final game, we held a 4-2 lead at half, which was shocking because this was the same team that decimated us the previous day. One of those goals was a rocket by Jacob! But as the game wore on, some crappy officiating cost us our momentum, which then cost the boys their confidence. The opposing goalie took care of the rest, and we lost 7-4. The boys were bummed, but it was a great run. We heard later that one of their kids told one of our kids that they were going into fifth grade, so who knows if they cheated, but I think it was probably a good character builder for the boys either way.
On the way back to the car, Carter wanted to run into his favorite play area for the weekend...a maze of what was apparently the stash of soccer nets for the fields we were on.
The buildings adjacent to the parking lot were gorgeous with their balconies and arches. Too bad they were empty, too. Hopefully someday they find a way to restore these.
Eventually we were headed home. We stopped at a McDonald's to eat dinner (Jacob ate pizza again), and ran into half of his team at the rest area! Carter got the Despicable Me 3 toy he wanted, and after it took him forever to eat, we got back on the road.
Who can resist looking like a french fry? And that face he's making with the pursed lip coy smile? That's a new one. No idea where it came from!
We drove toward the sunset for most of the way, and I tried to get a good shot outside a Dunkin' Donuts near the Fultonville/Fonda exit.
Too bright but pretty in its own way!
I sort of liked this one better from the road.
We got home pretty late, but the trip sure felt shorter this time around without the extra traffic and extreme rain! The boys all stayed home on Monday and I worked until 2pm, which was challenging but better than I expected. We ended the day with a trip to the drive-in to see Despicable Me 3.
We had a productive day for the holiday, with sleeping in, yard work, pool time, a trip to Lowe's (we finally bought a grill to replace the one we lost in the crazy wind storm), more yard work (mulch and stone for the areas around our back patio), some laundry, and finally meatball making and blog writing to close out the day. No fireworks this year, but maybe next year if our schedule has a little more wiggle room.
I think we're sort of in disbelief that we're doing the long trip thing all over again so quickly, but we're looking forward to a little bonus "vacation" around this trip. Our plans are still not finalized--nothing like the last minute--but maybe that's part of the fun, right? We shall see...
We have a busy 11 days ahead of us. Lacrosse tournament, 4th of July, mini-vacation, another lacrosse tournament. It's going to be a lot and I have no idea how we're going to get through it all. No rest for the weary, that's for sure. I have no idea what we're doing for our mini-vacation, honestly, which is completely unlike me. We're at the end of the fiscal year at work so that's been a little mentally exhausting, and I just haven't been taking care of myself very well physically, so that's really taking a toll as well. I need more sleep, less food, and more exercise. I have no idea how I'm going to survive the Corporate Challenge in less than two weeks. I haven't been able to get in more than one run a week, and the elliptical helps but really isn't cutting it. There just isn't time, not with Jacob having two practices a week that leave us eating dinner at 8pm, or the usual errand running, or simply trying to get ready for another trip. And I didn't even go on last week's big trip to New Jersey!
Speaking of which, here are some pictures from that one...
It was a hot one! Jacob has his cooling towel and is trying to relax after his first game.
Popsicles for everyone!
Listening intently...
This is why I'm allowing us to pay a ridiculous amount of money to be on this team. The life lessons these kids are getting are priceless.
Team picture...Jacob is in blue on the far left - #8
They had a good time, but it wasn't without its share of drama, as is the usual with Jacob. He ended up not even playing in the second game because he never told us his cleats were getting small, and he ended up with a blister. They made it work for the third game after a little first aid, and then they went to Dick's that night and bought new ones. He's eyeing them up constantly so it wasn't really that much of a snap decision. He also outgrows them quickly, so even if he ends up not loving them, they won't be around for long. The team went 3-2 and lost in the semis on the second day. Most teams were older than them, anyway, so it was a good challenge. They had a nice time with the team and the families, and loved their hotel room. It was a long trip but they seemed to weather it well.
In the meantime, Carter and I were in Buffalo for my cousin's wedding. I'm not going to post wedding pictures because it's not really my place, but suffice it to say she looked gorgeous, they were beyond adorable, and my family is a super fun group to hang out with. Out of curiosity I looked back in the blog for when my other cousin, her sister, got married four years ago, to see if I posted pictures then. I didn't, but I did write the following below, which ironically sort of sums up what I was rambling about in yesterday's post (which I finished writing while really tired, so I apologize if it made no sense):
"...Her wedding brought up some interesting emotions I
didn't expect. Ten years after my own, I guess I look at weddings a
little differently than I used to. First, as much as I know that the
most significant part of the day is that a marriage is formed, I sort of
see the day for what it is--a big party where the couple can have one
of the best days of their life. It's definitely the beginning of
something, and it's full of so much hope and joy. It's one day to live a
fantasy. And for that reason alone, I'm so happy for the couple when I
go to a wedding. It's such an amazing experience, and I remember that
vividly from my own experience.
"But what really struck me this time around was the vows. When you get
married and you say your vows, you never really think about the 'for
better or for worse' part of them too deeply. But here we are in the 'for worse' part. It's such a contrast to that happy wedding day full
of hope, and it's hard. This experience is definitely trying, but with
the exception of a few moments here and there, I think we're doing what
we can to make sure that this marriage stays strong amidst the
frustrations. It's especially hard when our opinions on how to manage
Jacob differ, or when it feels like our responsibilities aren't shared
enough, or whatever. The exhaustion can wear on you, for sure, and
makes everything harder. But seeing the newlyweds' joy reminded me how
much I want to recapture that feeling, and was a good reminder that
marriage and happiness are always things to fight for. It all
definitely makes me appreciate our journey that much more."
I wrote that pretty early on in our major challenges with Jacob, just a month or so after the worst began, and almost four years later it still holds true. As far as the wedding, I felt much the same this time around, especially with it being so close
to our actual anniversary, and in the same church where we got
married. I think this time, however, I focused even more on how lucky they are to be at this stage in their lives, with everything ahead of them. Allie just graduated from pharmacy school, Bobby is well-established in a great job, they already have a house, and they can really do whatever they want to do together as a couple. And now that I'm an old married lady, I guess I can be both a little jealous of them and also thrilled that they get to experience that. It's such a special, fleeting time.
Anyway, here are a few pictures from the weekend...
Carter and cousin Kate waiting for the wedding ceremony to start--aside from a couple loud whispers, he did well!
I took this picture of Buffalo's City Hall rather stealth as I crossed the street (no cars, I swear), while walking from the parking ramp to the reception. I didn't want to look too weird so I did it quickly as I walked!
Another quick but not-quite-as-stealth picture taken on the walk back to the parking ramp. This is one of the two statues on top of the Liberty Building.
We finished off the weekend with a low-key but fun birthday party for another cousin's son, which made for good catch-up time after everyone's late night! It was a fun but tiring weekend, but something tells me it's nothing compared to the next two! Wish us luck!
Today is our 14th wedding anniversary. Some days it seems like we've been married forever (mostly in a good way, I swear), and some days 14 years sounds like a really long time and we can't possibly be that old. But here we are. Our marriage has officially reached the age of a high schooler. Appropriate, I suppose, since some days that seems to be about as much maturity as I can muster...but yet we chug along.
I can't say it's been all sunshine and rainbows, as the demands of life don't make things easy. Having a kid with significant challenges hasn't been particularly kind to our marriage, I'd say, but it's also a testament to its original strength, that we're still going strong despite not always agreeing on the best methods to raise him. When they say marriage is hard work, they're right. It needs frequent TLC and is not for the faint of heart. You need to make an effort to maintain a bond despite all life throws at you, whether that means date nights, flowers, a thoughtfully cooked meal or surprise treat, or battling through bedtime sleepies for a little grown-up quality time. Every marriage needs those thoughtful moments to maintain the spark. Commitment is step #1, but being happy within the commitment is what takes the biggest effort.
I can't say we've been great about it recently. With the boys being nearly impossible to keep together, we've been far more hesitant to leave them with anyone to grab dinner alone. For a while we had a pretty good every-few-week schedule of going out to lunch, but that's fallen off recently, probably because Craig's schedule has been a little more erratic, mine has been busy, and neither of us needs the extra fast food meal. But it's nice to get that time alone when we can and have a conversation that's not interrupted every 10 seconds. We've also had very busy weekends, which zap any extra energy and time pretty effectively. But I know the desire is there on both sides to do more, and sometimes that has to be enough.
When we do get alone time together (or the kids are cooperating!) we still have a good time together. We can usually find enough to talk about, and while our free time styles are different and I'm much more go-go-go in general (probably from a little too much time spent with kids cooped up in the house on winter weekends while he's working), we eventually strike a good balance. We still love each other very much, but there's no doubt we've evolved.
Take a look at these pictures...
For the longest time I looked at these and just saw us, but now I look at them and see very different people. For one, we're officially so much older than the kids in those pictures. I've looked younger than my years for so long, but now it's clear that time has not stood still. But the bigger thing is that those two people couldn't even begin to understand the road that was ahead of them. We had our whole lives ahead of us, and on that day we could barely think past our honeymoon. Who knew we'd have one tough kid and one less tough one, a few interesting job situations, two houses, many vehicles, and who knows what else? When I look in the mirror now, I see a different person...one who's been through a lot more than the one in the picture. Short hair, different clothing style, more maturity, and a whole lot of changes. I've learned a lot, professionally and personally. I'm tired, but life is also considerably more full. It certainly wouldn't be the same without the noisy little people upstairs. And 14 (+2) years of love between two people is a pretty significant thing. Many marriages have come and gone since ours began, and I'm thankful we're among the survivors.
Thanks to lacrosse practice, a couple greeting cards, the Big Brother premiere, and some Rolo McFlurries were about as good as it got for this year. And that's okay. We've survived a lot worse than an uneventful anniversary. I can't say perspective is my favorite wedding gift, but it's still a pretty important one. We're blessed. Exhausted, but blessed.
After a couple specifically timed posts, I figured I should rewind and cover a few things we missed.
Last weekend was Father's Day. It was also our only free weekend before three straight busy weekends out of town, so we wanted to make the most of it. I fit in a run and some yard work, and Craig got the pool mostly up and running--not completely clear but enough for the kids to swim in. He bought a giant inflatable crocodile with a squirt gun that he correctly guessed would get our little water-phobe Carter into the pool. He loved it!
I put down some ant traps to deal with an increasingly difficult ant issue around our patio and watched them feast on the bait, then turned my attention to a tree in the yard. It used to bloom pink in the spring, but over the past couple years it's gotten sicker and sicker, to the point of only having a couple blossoms and some dead branches this year. It had also been staked wrong once upon a time, so it was very crooked. Between the crookedness and the disease, it was pretty ugly, so it was time to take it down. I pulled a bow saw out of the garage and went at it, despite the fact it was about 90 degrees. This was the end result...
We still need to either dig out the stump or cut it down, but that will wait for another day when it's not 90 degrees.
We went out to dinner at Red Robin for Jacob's birthday, and after that he started feeling a little cruddy. By Sunday morning he really wasn't feeling well, so he and Craig stayed home from church to get a better handle on how he was feeling before we left for Buffalo later. He was good enough to go when Carter and I got back, but he was definitely low key for the day. We had lunch with my parents and went to see Craig's family for dinner. It was a fun day but a rather late evening to finish off the weekend, which is partly why my Monday was so rough, per my story in Jacob's birthday post. Jacob stayed home from school on Monday because, while his low grade fever was done by then, he still had a headache and felt generally crappy. He perked up later in the day and was OK for his birthday, but Craig took him back to the doctor on Wednesday because his ear was hurting. He did have some fluid but the doc didn't prescribe anything except some ibuprofen for the pain until it resolves. He still seems a bit less energetic at times, is losing his voice, and still has a sore throat. He really tired out today when we were out for a couple hours, but I hope he recovers for his tournament this weekend. It's a long way to go to not play! I have a family wedding this weekend so Carter and I will be in Buffalo instead. It's a bummer to miss everything, but hopefully they have fun.
The only other interesting thing this week was that Carter had an appointment with the sleep specialist because of our concerns with his snoring. It's not too bad when he's not sick, but I'm still a little concerned by louder breathing and lots of tossing and turning like I experienced at the hotel a couple weekends ago. The doctor wants to bring him in for a sleep study, but our appointment isn't until late November! So we have a pretty long wait for that. The good news is that he's been dry for about a week straight at night, so that supposed side effect of odd sleeping seems to have righted itself...for now. However, based on a couple things that happened over the weekend, he went to the pediatrician when Jacob did, because we suspected he had a UTI. He has had trouble holding it lately and said it hurt to pee, but nothing came up in the urinalysis, so we'll just keep an eye on it.
And finally, today was the last day of school. Jacob is officially done with third grade!
His report card came back great--one Outstanding and only one Inconsistent, which might be the first time ever that has happened. He's always had the two--using self-control and either working with others or following directions--and by the magic of medication and good practice, it was finally down to only one! He seems a little sad about the year ending, but hopefully that will make him hungrier in the fall. He gets a couple days off surrounding this weekend's tournament, then he's off to camp at U of R (with me) next Tuesday. Hard to believe it's summer vacation!
So, it's been an interesting week. I'm definitely looking forward to the weekend, even if I will miss Craig and Jacob a lot. Two more busy weekends await, though!
For some reason Jacob's birthday snuck up on me this year. I think it was a combination of factors:
We're in the midst of five really busy weekends.
Because of our busy weekends, we haven't even scheduled his family party, which usually keeps me moving on planning.
Without a family party, I haven't had to plan a cake, which is usually something I have to do a couple months out so I can mentally prepare. And while I do know the theme, not having to really think about it beyond that probably made me less motivated in other areas.
Usually I have a running list of things I want to give the kids once their birthdays come around, but Jacob has outgrown most toys and I generally feel like he has enough stuff, so I'm less motivated to think up ideas for him.
His birthday list requests (and non-birthday requests--ugh!) are getting significantly bigger and more expensive, so I think we've officially transitioned to the one big gift and only a few little gifts phase. But given that he doesn't need anything, really, the big things are frustrating to even think about. His many suggestions tend to go in one ear and out the other with me because none of them are reasonable.
Some of his requests are very specific, and it's risky to even consider getting him something that's not exactly what he wanted, as he will show a lot of attitude--even if in the end the thing is perfectly fine.
He's getting older and I may or may not be in a mild state of denial.
His birthday was also in the middle of the week, which always makes it hard to make the day super awesome, as we're always rushing around in the morning and don't have a lot of time at night. This year in particular looked to be extra challenging because he had lacrosse practice on his birthday, which would take up most of the evening. He INSISTED he was not going to practice on his birthday. But after the fiasco during his camp weekend of going to his house-league game instead of his travel team practice, we've been pretty sensitive to that. Luckily he finally got on board (more on that in a minute), and it became even more important as he came down with a bit of a virus over the weekend (low-grade fever, sore throat, generally low-key) and had to miss practice on Monday. As a result, it became even more imperative to be there Tuesday.
So, without much time or any big plans, I knew we'd have to pick our spots. The only thing I came up with originally was that I was going to use one of the gluten-free angel food cake mixes from Aldi that I had stashed in my pantry from last year. I knew he liked that, and it seemed like a much lower key cake than anything else. With practice we couldn't really do our usual Red Robin dinner, so we opted to do that over the weekend instead. But as we talked about lacrosse practice, I suggested I'd make cupcakes for him to take to his team. It took a while, but he came around a bit with that suggestion. Then when I realized that practice put them about 20 minutes closer to our favorite gluten-free pizza place, I suggested Craig order a couple pizzas and bring them home after practice. That sealed the deal!
As we went through last week I started panicking a bit on the gift front, as we had practically nothing for him and I didn't really have many ideas. Eventually Craig ordered him some Under Armour clothes, then ordered a movie he wanted and some new sports cards, and planned to get him a new binder and card sleeves. But we honestly weren't sure if anything was going to be in on time for his actual birthday. I felt like crap about the whole thing, and didn't really make much progress over the weekend.
Monday ended up being a rough day. Lots of little things went wrong, and by the time I got home, I was fried. By this point I realized that I had forgotten to figure out a plan for him to celebrate at school, and I initially bought more gluten-free cake mix to make cupcakes (since that's what Jacob said everyone brought), but then I realized that the rule might be store-bought and I couldn't find where that was written, so I started to panic. And when I realized I didn't even have cupcake liners for the ones I needed to make for practice, I lost it. I had a rough couple hours feeling guilty and powerless and just generally frustrated. I was convinced his birthday was going to suck and that it was all my fault. But eventually I dragged myself out of bed, sent Craig to the store to get liners, and managed to bake two dozen cupcakes and an angel food cake before midnight. So, at least he'd have cupcakes for practice and something to put candles in and sing to him, even if we didn't have much else. He understood the school thing was challenging, as buying store-bought gluten-free for everyone was nearly impossible, and even just doing GF for him and normal cupcakes for everyone else was awkward and a little on the pricey side.
Fortunately, a few of his gifts arrived during the day, so we knew we had a couple things to give him. Craig picked up the card binder and pages, and I found a movie that I had tucked away and forgotten about. Then, while the boys were at practice I took Carter for a haircut and realized we should stop at Five Below nearby, as we had wanted to pick up a new basketball hoop for our pool, since our other one had fallen apart. That became Carter's gift to him (he was so proud!), and I also found one of those magical cooling towels there, which Jacob had been talking about getting for his tournaments. You just wet it, snap it, and it's instantly cold when you wrap it around your neck. I had also printed up a certificate for him to buy (with our input) a Bluetooth speaker to use with his iPad or Craig's phone. He had liked an expensive one but I'd rather shop with him and find one that's within a budget and has the best features. So with all of that, we ended up with a pretty nice assortment of gifts, with a bit more still on the way. So between the food and presents, it turned into a pretty good evening for the birthday boy!
Just a few pictures...
Handing out cupcakes!
Blowing out his candles
Nine!
Two movies!
Some sort of lacrosse ball that doesn't get greasy...don't ask me!
Basketball hoop for the pool!
Very excited about the cooling towel!
Reading about the Bluetooth speaker
He seemed pleased with his gifts and everyone enjoyed the various food offerings. Cupcakes were well received, pizza was great, and the angel food cake was delicious. We still probably have quite the battle over the speaker--he wants a LOUD one, and I'd rather not shake the house--but I can hardly believe that's the kind of gift we're giving now. What happened to battery-operated, light-up singing toys? Nine...wow. So hard to believe! The last day of school is tomorrow, and then it's onward to summer vacation and then fourth grade! I remember fourth grade just a little too well to have a kid in it, don't I? Ready or not, here it comes!
Holy cow, as of today we're only 364 days short of a full decade together. How is my first little baby nine years old today? I still vividly remember the many moments leading up to when you were finally born, and it's so hard to believe it was that long ago now. I look at pictures of myself from before you were born and shortly after and think, "Amateur!" It's mind-boggling to think about how much we've been through together since the day you were born. You spent your first couple hours crying, and only a few hours later, the first of our many trials officially began as you were whisked off to the special care nursery. Almost nothing has been easy in the nine years since, but here we are.
You're officially halfway to adulthood now (what?!), and most of the time I worry that we haven't made the most of our time together. I feel like I've spent so much time trying to keep you on track that the quality of our time has suffered. We tell you all the time that we could have so much more fun as a family if you just listened and cooperated. While we've done a lot despite our challenges, I feel like there was so much more that we just didn't have the energy to attempt. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea how to raise a kid like you. I feel like I've made mistake after mistake despite endless best intentions. You are stubborn and free-spirited and full of big ideas, but you're currently lacking the skill to rein some of that stuff in to a reasonable level, which makes our job as parents really challenging. Either we try to give you guidance and get shut down, or we let you fail and have to manage the frustration that results. Neither route is easy, but I'm trying to opt for the latter because I'm sure you feel like I tell you what to do enough, and learning your own lessons is more valuable in the long run.
You're definitely not an average kid, as you've disproved most parenting norms and philosophies for years. I still find it really hard to figure out what you're capable of doing or understanding on your own, as you're super smart and can be really driven, but sometimes there's a key component in there that just doesn't click into place...and the challenge is figuring out of it didn't click because it just didn't occur to you, or because you had different plans. I want to have high expectations of you because I know you're capable of amazing things, but I know you're also not like most kids.
We've had an eventful year: third grade, travel lacrosse, an official ADHD diagnosis, and medication that changed your entire outlook on school. Watching you improve at lacrosse has been amazing, and it brings me so much joy to watch you play with passion. I know practice isn't your favorite, but I hope you learn to embrace it at some point because the best players know that every game and every practice represent opportunities to learn and improve. You have so much potential, but it's still going to take a lot of hard work to achieve the success you want, and it won't always be on your terms.
Seeing your improvement at school has taken a huge load off my mind this year. I know you still have your challenges, but hearing you say how much you like school has made my heart so happy. You even have favorite parts besides gym, which is a first. It was just amazing to me how your medicine made an immediate impact and changed your perspective so greatly. Clearly it makes a difference to not be distracted or yelled at or constantly redirected, and it makes me happy to know you can experience that peace at school for the first time in your life. You are creative and enterprising, and I know someday that will serve you well if you learn to channel it properly.
Lately I look at you and see such a big kid. I can barely believe you were once my tiny baby, or even that cute little toddler. The dimples are still there and parts of the face are similar, but you now have a mouth full of big kid teeth, you put gel in your hair, and you're getting within spitting distance of my height. In many ways you still act like a little kid, but now and then you say something that reminds us just how big you really are. I know so many changes are coming in the next few years, so you'll have to pardon me while I brace myself and try to savor whatever little kid-ness you have left. There's no rush, I promise.
The day you were born was one of the most disorienting days of my life. I was exhausted, overtired, and so sore I'd have sworn I ran a marathon the previous day. You were sick, I was worried, and yet I was so out-of-sorts that I didn't even think to ask if I could visit you until later in the day. But it was so amazing once I did, and eventually I even got to hold you, which was even better. Even though that day was so hard, nowadays I sort of long for it because everything seems so simple looking back. My entire job at that moment was to love you. I didn't have to teach you or discipline you or play referee. I didn't have to worry that I was doing it all wrong (aside from feedings and diaper changes and deciphering cries--that was all new!). Now it seems like anything we tackled that first week was so easy compared to the big kid issues. And yet I know it should be just that simple now--to love you--and I do, so much--but this responsibility we have as parents to teach you how to become a decent human being is pretty daunting, and most days I feel like I can't rest for a moment because the clock is ticking and you are a challenging student. We try to discipline with love, but it's not easy because you can make us absolutely insane with your unconcerned response to most of what we say to you. But we're trying.
We hope you had a great 9th birthday and this is the beginning of a great year. You have so much potential, and with a little more cooperation, I think we can start helping that turn into something amazing. We love you so much!
A month ago I posted about the odd situation I got into at work, where I was flat-out asked why I didn't apply for a position that came open. I went through all of my reasons, and in the end I just had a gut feeling that it wasn't the right time. Boy, was I right.
So, a few weeks ago I got a random email from the head of our talent management department. Pretty quickly I figured out it had to do with the position, which still hadn't been filled to my knowledge. Sure enough, she asked me why I wasn't interested. I explained my reasons (again) and she explained that she really just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything I didn't feel comfortable telling the manager for that open position. When I finished explaining my take, she said that what she was hearing from me is really what they want to hear from every employee--basically that I want to learn as much as I can in my current position before I move up and take a job that I may only be partially prepared for. Could I do it? Sure. Could I do it better with more base knowledge? Absolutely. She loved hearing about my concern for loyalty and not wanting to put my current boss in a tough spot if I were to move on. Long story short, she was thrilled with my attitude and position and I was free to go.
After I got back to the office, I stopped by my other co-worker's desk, the one who had actually applied for the job, and asked her if she'd heard anything. I saw her in an office with our main boss and the hiring manager the day before and figured it had to do something with the job, particularly since it had been accidentally blurted out by our big boss in a meeting a couple hours prior that the position was still open. Well, she spilled on everything that had happened--they knew she wasn't getting it, didn't tell her in time, etc. After all that, I had to be honest and tell her my side of the story, and it turned into a couple hours of brutal honesty and secret spilling. We needed it by that point! During that conversation I got a head's up that our main boss was interviewing for another internal position, which was not good news. But at that point we seemed to be OK because one good candidate had been hired for another open position and we figured that the entire shake-up would actually give us an opportunity to rework things to work best with everyone's strengths.
Fast-forward to this week. I came in Monday, exhausted from the Syracuse trip. We found out there were random donuts available elsewhere in the building, and as we came back to our desks ready to eat them, we were ushered into our main boss's office. She told us she got the other job so she'd be moving to a different department in about a month. We were pretty deflated after that. I said (and my immediate boss agreed) that had I taken that position, she'd be walking out the door herself if she had lost both me and our main boss.
A couple hours later I heard my boss talking on the phone with someone, and I could tell by the conversation that whoever it was was leaving their position. It turned out that it was the project manager for our calling program, who has been a steady mainstay for years. We were already losing two other members of that team--one was being shifted and the other was not a good fit for us--so this was a major blow on an already rough day. Shortly thereafter I returned a call I had received earlier that day from my contact for the unit I manage. We had been through an interesting year, with both of us learning as we went in our first full years managing the program together. We also undertook a major crowdfunding project that had been an amazing success, which led the way to a great year. But guess what? She's leaving!
So that was three in one day. We couldn't blame any of them for the decisions--they were great moves for each of them for different reasons. But we were devastated. We literally couldn't do much more than groan and laugh at how ridiculous the day had been.
Well, in the spirit of my favorite Facebook memes, the next day apparently said, "Hold my beer". Still reeling from the day before, we ended up going out to coffee for a scheduled meeting that afternoon. As we were getting settled, another member of my department--the one that would have been the boss for that open position--announced SHE was leaving. It felt like the hits would never stop coming. We were completely flabbergasted. Afterward, the remaining three of us (we have a couple other admin-focused people, but my boss, the other girl who applied for that job, and I are really the core of the operations at this point) marveled at what would have happened if either of us would have taken that job, as we'd basically be the one tasked with running that whole section of the department in the interim, which neither of us would have been prepared to handle. It would have been awful. It's bad enough now, but at least this way that whole section of our department is some higher-up's problem to deal with, rather than one of ours. So yay for that. But it's small consolation when your entire department has been gutted and there will be three of us plus a new guy trying to keep the department afloat for a couple months heading into a new fiscal year. It's a lot to deal with.
Ironically, before last week's events, the three of us were approved to take a half day to go to an event put on by one of our vendors. After everything happened, we found it appropriate--and necessary--for the three of us to have that time together. The event was in Syracuse and our sales rep took us (and some other University employees) in his RV, which was awesome. We were treated to appetizers, a tour around their facility that updated us on their capabilities, and the most amazing dinner. We could have one of 10+ types of wine or 6+ types of beer from a local brewery, or the brewery's root beer. They had clams and shrimp cocktail for appetizers, followed by a lobster and steak dinner with corn on the cob, potatoes, and rolls. As if that wasn't enough, they started serving root beer floats (and we got to keep the glasses!), and there was also a lovely dessert table. It was overwhelmingly awesome and we were so happy to have had the opportunity.
It doesn't, however, really soften the blow of the chaos we're heading toward, but it was nice for a night. It's all so hard to believe, but I guess it's comforting to have my gut feeling validated so emphatically after wondering if I'd made a mistake not wanting to move up sooner. It still may not be the best situation, but it's one I can live with, and there's definitely something to be said for that.
