One of Those Days (The Good Kind)

This weekend was one of our few weekends in the midst of a lot of busy ones.  Between family birthdays, Father's Day, and other events, I was determined to make the most of the weekend.  And we did, I think.

Oh, but first...last Tuesday Jacob finished off his outdoor lacrosse season.  This is the one that started pretty badly, where Jacob didn't want to go to practice and came home from countless practices early for various reasons.  Because we couldn't get our money back, we soldiered on.  It wasn't that many games anyway, and as the season went on, it was clear that Jacob was enjoying it more.  He still wasn't getting passed to very much and still didn't seem to really bond with his teammates, but everything still felt better.  Tuesday was the last game, and despite the fact that it poured for a good chunk of the day, the clouds parted and the sun came out before the game.  The field wasn't too wet, so they played.  And near the end of the game, Jacob scored his second goal of the season (third ever)!  Next year will be interesting, since very few of his teammates will be back.  The team has dominated for the two years we've been involved, and theexperienced kids are all moving up next year.  So Jacob will then be one of the experienced kids and it will be interesting to see how that goes.  Will he step up and become one of the new good players?  We shall see come November...

Anyway...we had baseball Thursday night and Saturday morning.  He's been doing well there, too.  His hitting is still good and his fielding is getting better.  Sometimes he tries to run the ball to a base because he doesn't trust his teammates to catch it (sometimes with good reason), but it's always fun to watch everyone improve.  He's been insisting that he doesn't want to play next year, but we'll see how that goes.  Now that baseball is his only sport he may rediscover his love for it.  And if not, we can always look into a season that doesn't conflict with lacrosse and see if he might be okay with that.

After baseball and lunch on Saturday, Carter went down for his nap and I ventured outside to do some work in the yard.  Our yard looks like crap right now anyway from all of the sidewalk/road work that's been in progress for the last couple weeks, but I had some trimming and weed killing to do before getting to my main project--ripping out four bushes.  Of course, they're not even the bushes I hate trimming--those will probably be a pro job because they're huge and there are so many of them--but these just got added to the list a couple weeks ago when Craig mentioned them.  And for the first time it dawned on me that we could just rip them out.  The four euonymous bushes, those yellow-green leaved shrubs, lined the back of our patio up against the house.  They grow all crazy if you let them, with wacky shoots and whatever, and a couple years ago we discovered that shoots were growing up behind our siding...and one actually made it all the way up and out under the eaves.  UGH.  That one got trimmed at the bottom and is still hanging there dead (both because we don't have a ladder tall enough and because it was a good reminder to keep checking!).  They were so crazy looking that it was hard to tell how many were even in there, and they were crawling out onto the patio and looking all sorts of uneven and awkward.  No matter how I tried to trim them, they never looked good and grew back too fast to keep up with.  So, it was time for them to go.  I hacked away at them for a couple hours and got all four down to stumps.  Craig came out and started hacking away at the stumps with the shovel and I strategically snipped stubborn roots until everything was out.  The pile was quite large--five large bags full.  We'll still probably have shoots, but they'll be easier to manage and the remaining bed of lush soil is just waiting for new inhabitants...probably something simple like boxwoods that grow neatly, or something that will do well in the damp shade.  It was exhausting but awesome.

Once Carter woke up from his nap, we headed out to do a real activity.  I feel like we don't do enough of those.  Between our travels and sports and just catching up from the exhaustion of the week, weekends tend to be pretty utilitarian.  And while it's often necessary, I hate it.  I want weekends to be fun and interesting and memorable.  And it's summer, so we need to do this stuff while we can.  We almost didn't go on this adventure because the kids were a little cranky and we were running short on time, but the weather forecast for Sunday was crappy so this was our only shot to head up to the lake to see replicas of the Nina and the Pinta from Christopher Columbus' fleet!

They were docked up at the port in Charlotte (shar-LOT, for those of you not from around here), and while I wasn't thrilled about the admission fee, we only had to pay for three of us and we don't do stuff like this often.  And, it was actually pretty cool.

The Nina was first (on the left), the Pinta was second (in the back).  The Santa Maria doesn't exist, as a replica would apparently be too big to travel the waterways these boats tour.

The boys trying to open a "treasure chest" on the Nina.  The boats had lots of history and examples of the gear they used.

This was supposed to be both boys near a small cannon, but this is what we ended up with instead.  No surprise - Jacob doesn't want to be cooperative and Carter is always on the move...

Jacob and Craig checking out the rudder--no captain's wheel on these boats!

Looking toward the front of the Nina

Off the side of the Nina, looking across the Genesee River

Closer shot of the Pinta, with a tugboat in the background

The boys at the front of the Pinta

Attempted selfie with Carter...always a challenge!

We could go up on a second level on the Pinta!

I caught this shot from up top, with one sailboat in the river and another in the lake!

Back on the Nina, Carter loved the hole where the rudder lever came on the ship!

Both boys were pulling at the ropes, but of course I only got Carter by the time my camera came out!

After checking out the ships, we wandered down closer to the lake for Carter's first visit to the carousel!  We took Jacob a little before his second birthday, and that trip wasn't particularly successful.  I had higher hopes for Carter since he was older, but with half of his genes belonging to Craig, I always know that spinning may not be the best activity!  He seemed to like the look of it and was a bit reserved when we got on...

 

 

...but he loved it!  In fact, he wouldn't stop talking about it afterward, and kept wanting to go back!  And after a brief period where Jacob wasn't a fan of merry-go-rounds, he seems to be past that...

 

And here's Craig on his ostrich :)

We took a few extra minutes to wander down to the beach.  The boys wasted no time digging right in...

Carter was throwing sand, Jacob was doing sand angels, and we had a heck of a time getting them out of there!  I promised that we could come back another time, so I guess we have to add that to the list!

By this point we were still debating dinner plans, because we wanted to go out but are always challenged to find places Jacob can eat, and in the meantime opted for one more detour.  Craig had discovered a little spot adjacent to a church that housed a Peace Garden commemmorating the Bicentennial of the War of 1812. 

Some flags, some historical plaques, and some pretty flowers...

The garden was adjacent to a historic lighthouse along the Genesee River.  The lighthouse dates back to the 1820s, I think, and the keeper's house is from the 1860s.  It's open for tours, so we may be going back one of these days!

While the boys were reading the plaques and Carter was running around, I noticed this (very) little guy hanging out on a plant...

The picture was actually taken sideways, but it keeps rotating to vertical here.  Still pretty cool.  He was maybe as big as my pinky nail!

We finished off our night with our first family trip to Five Guys Burgers & Fries.  We'd been there was Jacob was a baby, but we hadn't been there since Jacob's Celiac diagnosis.  I'd heard they were good for Celiacs, since their fries are done in a dedicated fryer and they're good about changing gloves and all that.  But we hadn't gone because peanuts are a central component of their offerings (peanuts as an appetizer and peanut oil fries) and we had been holding off on giving Carter peanuts.  Turns out he's fine with them (slight daycare misunderstanding--yikes), so we decided to give it a shot.  And honestly, it was great.  Carter and Jacob both loved their hot dogs (Jacob's was bun-free, of course), and Craig and I loved our burgers.  Everyone enjoyed the peanuts, and overall it was just a really pleasant trip.  It was a great end to a fun evening. 

Yesterday was pretty low key since it rained all afternoon.  I bought a pair of pants for a little over $1 (thank you JCPenney $10 coupons!) and Jacob created his own lacrosse field in the garage with chalk and his nets, since our cars were still parked on the street due to construction.  But it was a pretty quiet day, which was probably needed.  Another week has started and the countdown to Jacob's birthday is on!  So much to do! 

All Roads Lead to June

June is a funny month for me.  It's one of my favorite months, and has been since it became associated with the end of school.  And while that no longer applies to me myself, I admit I will be relieved when Jacob's school year is over.  I will appreciate the break from mandatory homework and the mountain of backpack paperwork.  I am determined to keep Jacob reading, though, so creating some motivation for him is high on my list of summer to-dos.  Anyway, June is usually when the weather is consistently good (though this year is a little iffy--lots of rain lately and not super warm) and it's usually when life in general shifts into a more relaxed summer mode (not relaxing, mind you, but relaxed).  I like summer and June is the start of it, so I've really always loved this month.

But as an adult, June has taken on a life of its own.  Each year around this time I tend to recall significant emotional happenings that took place during this month, happenings that each quite literally changed the course of my life. 

Twelve years ago, I spent the month of June counting down to my wedding.  Last minute details, last minute planning before two weeks away from work, and so much excitement!  And let's not forget--counting down to my first vacation in 15 years that involved a plane ride!  It was definitely a huge event to look forward to, and a life-changing turning point to commit my life to another person.  Besides the emotional changes, we had some logistics to work out, too.  We had to look into living arrangements (my apartment lease was up a month after the wedding), figure out how to co-habitate (and do it for a month in a small apartment!), and prepare for all of the changes that marriage brings.  As nervous as I was about the event itself going well, I was completely comfortable with the idea of marriage itself, which was very reassuring.  It was just a time of anticipation and excitement, and I still smile at how excited I'd get when I'd sneak my wedding ring out of the box and put it on with my engagement ring!  I suppose I take that view for granted these days, but when I recall how happy I was to find the right wedding band and then imagine having it on my finger every day, it puts a smile on my face even now.

The wedding went fantastically, and even 12 years later there isn't a whole lot I'd change.  A couple tweaks here and there, but the day was really beautiful and our honeymoon was wonderful (aside from the canceled flight on our way home that stranded us in Chicago and left us in a three-hour cab line at O'Hare after midnight).  What a June that was, though.

Fast-forward five years, and we were eagerly anticipating the birth of our first child.  We had no idea what we were in for--two people with minimal baby experience, in an age where "What to Expect When You're Expecting" was THE main source of pregnancy/baby advice (oh, how blogs would have helped!).  This blog was in its infancy.  In case you were wondering, seven years ago today I pondered the end of our childless era.  A couple days earlier I had taken the last picture I'd get of me pregnant, a full 10 days before delivery.  We didn't know the baby's gender, we had no idea if I would go early or late, and we had no clue what to expect once that baby made its appearance.  By the time June hit we'd pretty much finished up baby classes and were trying to get the nursery set up.  Ideally that would have happened sooner, in particular before the summer heat hit, but a couple hiccups with the furniture pushed that back.  I was also insistent that we sort our shower gifts thoroughly and make our returns/exchanges/new purchases before we really got going on the room, since I wanted to have the big picture of everything that would need placing or putting away before I got started.  It was such an exciting time, though admittedly scary since we were heading into the unknown.  I remember feeling those conflicting emotions, and at the time, the fear almost overshadowed the excitement.  But knowing that such a big change was coming was exciting, and each sign that things were happening made my heart beat a little faster.

It turned out that my water broke more than 11 days early, with little lead notice aside from the fact that I was dilating a little more each week.  I had very little of the discomfort I had with Carter, so everything ended up pretty unexpected.  I had to be induced, pushed for three hours, and ended up with a sunny-side up baby boy who needed to be vacuumed out at 2:40 in the morning.  And four hours later he was whisked off to the special care nursery to begin the longest week of our lives, as Jacob was treated for fluid in his lungs, low oxygen levels, and jaundice.  I was exhausted and stressed out, and had a mid-week breakdown caused by hormones, sleep deprivation, and the challenges of breastfeeding.  We finished out the month by bringing Jacob home just in time for our anniversary, and this blog has documented most of what has happened in the seven years since.  But what a crazy month that was.

Finally, three years ago, we were finally coming to the end of a very long year of trying to figure out what the heck my body was doing.  After putting off baby #2 for an extra year, thanks to Jacob's trying behavior and the fear of paying for two kids in daycare, we discovered that my body wasn't going to be very cooperative the second time around. We actually got lucky when I got pregnant with Jacob, because things were actually already screwed up then.  We just didn't realize how screwed up, because I randomly ended up pregnant before we had to do any major digging.  But it was clear the second time around that something was up, and subsequent doctor visits showed that I had a mild case of PCOS that was affecting my cycles and made it almost impossible to time anything out.  So, I took Clomid as directed, and this weekend marks three years since the day I got a hormone shot and was sent home with directions to....well, you know.  And sure enough, a couple weeks later we got a faint positive test.  A week after that we got positive bloodwork results, and a little more than seven months after that we had Carter.  But the emotions surrounding a year of trying, the relief of getting an answer, and the almost immediate decision to give the Clomid a try were pretty crazy, and it made that June such a whirlwind.  And, of course, I spent the next few months feeling like crap, so that summer as a whole was a mess!

It's no wonder this month holds such mixed emotions for me.  So many major life changes.  They were all good, of course, but life-altering nonetheless.  With each change comes a certain degree of wistfulness for what has passed, and an excitement for what's to come.  After three pivotal Junes in the last 12 years, I'll take some comfort in the relative ease of this one.  Of course, I have a birthday to plan in the next couple weeks, so that will keep me busy enough!  I can't believe my first baby boy is going to be seven! 

Freeze!

As I've gone through this parenting journey, so much of the time I'm looking ahead to the next big thing.  I'm waiting for the next milestone, looking forward to getting out of a less-than-enjoyable phase, or simply excited to see what comes next.  But lately I've been wanting to freeze time a bit.  Carter is at an amazing age, and I seriously can't get enough.

To be fair, he has his moments.  Lately daycare drop-offs have been tough, and his tendency to want to run has been a challenge.  He can be a major handful, and he can have an attitude.  He has tantrums about random stuff, though they're fortunately short-lived.  He gets that mischievous look on his face more than I'd like, and he often does what he knows he shouldn't.  But for whatever reason, all of that pales in comparison to the adorable, sweet kid that we see most of the time.  There are moments where I wonder if I'd take someone up on the offer of freezing him at this age, because he's just so darn fun.  In reality, I do want to see him grow up, and I look forward to seeing what kid of big kid/adult comes out of the sweet kid he is now.  I truly hope it sticks.  But oh, I really want to find ways to remember how awesome he is now.  The video on my camera has been sorely underused, for sure, and I need to rectify that quickly.  If I can't freeze him, at least I can document the adorableness.

I can't quite describe what makes him so wonderful, but the funny thing is that strangers see it, too.  I can't tell you how often we'll be out and someone will comment about how cute he is.  And honestly, I don't think it's just his face, though that is crazy cute itself.  I think people just see his demeanor and hear him talking, and somehow instantly see that he's a really cool kid.  It's been that way since he was a baby.  During our trip to Disney we had so many people--including staff, who see so many kids every day--that were so enamored with him, and it's been happening at home ever since. 

As much as he's never been a cuddler like Jacob was (oh, those naps with Jacob were lovely), he's such a great hugger.  He will give almost anyone a hug if they ask.  And they're real hugs, with arms and everything!  He's still working on the kissing thing, but last night at bedtime he gave me the best little kiss...perfect little pucker and everything.  He just genuinely likes people and cares about them.  The other day I was holding him in one arm and had bags on the other.  Somehow I managed to pinch myself with the bags, and I said, "Ouch!" and immediately put him down.  Carter said, "Sorry, mama!" and I was like, "Oh, no, buddy, that wasn't you...Mommy hurt herself!"  But the sentiment was so sweet.  He does stuff like that all the time.  Oh, and he's really great about saying "thank you", which is so cute.

He makes such sweet observations about the world, and still has a genuine excitement for the littlest of things.  This morning he was so excited by the bunny rabbit in our front yard and the dump truck at the end of our driveway (major road reconstruction...grrrrr) that I could barely drag him upstairs to get him dressed.  He loves looking out the window in the car and pointing out vehicles.  He's a great shopping buddy as long as he's in a cart or stroller and can watch the world go by.  He's at a point where I can almost have a real conversation with him--though obviously his responses are pretty minimal and it's my job to keep things going.  I'm appreciating that he's not yet into the 500 questions phase, nor is he a constant chatterbox (unless Jacob is around, at which point the noise is constant and the volume is high). 

He still thinks we're all the coolest people he knows, thinks we're pretty funny, and is happy to see us in the morning or at the end of the day.  He may not be a great eater sometimes, but he can be entertained with a snack.  He loves setting up shop on the couch for an episode of Paw Patrol, and he loves driving his cars around the house.  He lives a very simple life, and despite the two-year-old tantrums, his world is relatively drama-free.  At least, compared to life with an almost-seven-year-old, it sure feels drama-free!

Looking back in the blog, it's clear to me that we didn't get this same sort of experience with Jacob.  While we had moments that were sweet and fun, I can tell that so much of what was happening at this age was hard.  Even then he was a challenge.  I remember feeling like the terrible twos started right around 18 months and didn't let up for a long time (or ever?!).  I remember things being exhausting, a constant barrage of tantrums and challenges.  Reading back I can see that we were already having issues with what he was wearing or getting him to put on a coat or to leave his hockey stick at home.  We have moments of that with Carter, for sure, but more often than not, he's a very agreeable little kid.  Whereas Jacob couldn't be distracted or convinced of anything, Carter usually gets past it pretty quickly.  It's like night and day sometimes, and their differences never cease to amaze me. 

This post was spawned from the realization that I didn't have this urgency to freeze time when Jacob was this age.  I just wanted to push through and get him to an age where he could be reasonable.  Little did I know that might never happen, but if nothing else it makes our current situation that much more appreciated.  Part of it may be that Carter is our last baby and I hate to see some of these phases end.  I know now that this is a pretty "easy" age, and I think his easy phase is easier than some kids', so it's even more precious.  I'll admit that I feel a little bad directly comparing the kids, but it's not Jacob's fault he was a much more challenging kid.  It's the truth, though.  I find it amazing and somewhat comforting to know that a) what we were going through with him really was harder than what a lot of people deal with, as we suspected; and b) that what we went through with him probably didn't have much to do with our parenting skills.  After all, we raised both of them and the outcomes were so different!  For the longest time I was convinced that we did something wrong, and I suspected that Jacob's tantrums really were worse than what other people insisted their kid was doing, too.  But if their kids were anything like Carter, trust me, our situation was worse!  We're still dealing with a lot of ridiculousness, but we are managing.  It's been a long road, but I'm glad we added a fun little travel companion to join us along the way.

This parenting thing is pretty fascinating.

It Never Stops...

So...we had a rather busy three-day weekend around our house.  It was a three-day weekend because, unfortunately, Craig and I both took Friday off to attend a funeral in Buffalo for someone on his side of the family.  It wasn't someone we were close to, but we're closer to many of his close relatives and were definitely going to support them regardless.  This person was far too young and the circumstances very sad.  We wanted to be there on Thursday for the wake, as well, but between Jacob being in school, his baseball game Thursday night, my parents being out of town (so no backup child care), and the fact that I don't get time off for funerals unless I take vacation, it seemed best for us to stay in Rochester on Thursday and to head out on Friday while the kids were at school/daycare.  I had to enlist godmother Lori's help to get Jacob on the bus since we had to leave before he was picked up, but it worked out well. 

Most funerals we go to end up being a very lengthy day--funeral home, church, cemetery, luncheon--but this one was just the church and a luncheon.  It was no less sad, of course, but knowing how exhausting funeral days usually are--between the emotional toll and the physical toll of the long day that usually includes a sleepy drive home--I'll admit it was a bit of a relief to have a shorter schedule.  But the service was nice (though the priest was a bit unorthodox--no one is falling asleep in his masses, for more than one reason) and the luncheon was pleasant considering the sad circumstances.  When it was over we found ourselves with a free afternoon, which was a nice surprise. 

Initially I had wanted to stay in Buffalo and have a bit of a date day, possibly down at the new Canalside development along the water in the city, but due to an issue that cropped up the night before, we decided it was probably best to head home.  See, while we were at Jacob's baseball game the previous night, I noticed that a couple of Carter's mosquito bites on his legs had formed rings around them.  Of course my first thought was the bullseye of tick bites, but considering there were two of them, one on each leg and in totally different spots, and I had never seen any sort of tick, I didn't want to jump to conclusions.  I also didn't think there would have been ticks in the areas where he'd played outside prior to when the bites appeared, but I guess you never know.  We're not exactly in the woods, but we're only a couple blocks away from a golf course and we do see deer once in a great while.  I posted a picture on Facebook and immediately everyone was commenting that it looked like a tick bite.  Now, I don't know how many of those people have ever seen a tick bite in person (possibly a couple), but I still felt like the scenario made it doubtful and I was a little annoyed that no one was saying, "Oh, yeah, I had bug bites freak out on me once like that..", which is what I actually asked for in the post itself.  Instead I got more than a dozen people who were immediately convinced it was a tick bite.  Sigh.  I was going to call the doctor anyway, but had to wait until later in the day to get an appointment.

So...upon returning home from Buffalo, a thunderstorm hit.  Craig relaxed with a movie and I headed out to run a couple errands.  I stopped at the liquidation sale at a craft store to snag a couple more cheap jewelry making supplies (I'm not totally into it, but I do find it fun to make my simple, limited-skill stuff!), and then went to the upscale consignment store down the plaza and snagged a $5 blouse for work.  Love it!  I called the doctor to get Carter an appointment, and confirmed it would be after 5:30, meaning that Craig would have to take him.  I had to do my volunteer work at the Little League concession stand that night.  It's a once-a-year thing and I'm getting pretty good at it now!

Once the schedule for the evening was set, I made the most of my extra time and ran off to Target to pick up a few things.  I bought more than I bargained for, as usual, but I got great deals!  I then headed home to get ready for my duty and just missed Craig leaving to get the boys.  My duty was busy but fun, though it got cut short by a nasty thunderstorm that rolled through.  Meanwhile, back at home, the boys did this...

Tents in the living room while watching Despicable Me!

Oh, and the verdict at the doctor was that Carter's bites were just mosquito bites that had a reaction, just as I suspected.  The doctor suggested hydrocortisone and Benadryl if he needed it, and the hydrocortisone worked like a charm.  They're fine now.  And while I appreciate everyone's concern, can I say, "I told you so!"?  I'm glad he's fine, though rest assured I am going to continue to keep an eye on him, just in case.  Between last week's virus and a little rash he's had around his mouth, it's enough to make me nervous, even after a doctor visit!

Saturday Jacob had a lacrosse game in the morning and a baseball game in the afternoon.  In between Carter took a short nap and I spent a couple hours doing my least favorite outside task--trimming our bushes.  If you remember, a couple years ago I sliced my finger open with the hedge trimmer and got a few stitches.  I've dreaded the job even more since then.  Our bushes are all just too big!  Some of the evergreens are bare underneath and I can barely reach up to trim them.  One of these years we'll need to get them ripped out and start over.  I can't wait.

Sunday we were back off to Buffalo for our nephew's birthday party.  It was a beautiful day and we had a very nice time.  Jacob played a lot of lacrosse with his cousins and their friends.  Carter was a very good boy, just riding around on a toy and running around the fenced yard. 

His other sweet ride :)

Jacob wanted to go in the pool but he didn't want to wear his floatie, so he mostly hung out near the stairs in the shallow end with Craig.  We tried to get Carter in, but he didn't like it.  He took a little break after his first attempt, and I tried to get him to take a selfie with me, but this was as good as it got...

Oh, and before I forget, here's a good picture of the two of us together, taken at daycare at the Mother's Day ice cream social last month.  I finally remembered to send it to myself from the text messages on my phone!

Carter decided he wasn't done with the pool, but he still mostly sat on the stair dipping his feet in.  By the end he was putting his hands in a little, so maybe there's hope...


Carter, Daddy, and Jacob sticking close to the stairs

Daddy and his boys



Jacob saw me with my camera out and started doing "tricks"...notice the kicked leg!

We were all pretty tired by the time we got home and an overnight thunderstorm didn't help me one bit (but the boys all slept through it, thank goodness), but we're off and running on another week anyway.  I actually had a busy day at work today (yay!), and Jacob's last lacrosse game is tomorrow.  I won't miss the time commitment it involves for him, but I will miss seeing him play that sport for the next five months.  He's gotten so much better, and while it doesn't show on the scoresheet yet, I just love seeing him improve.  We've got baseball later in the week, too, but luckily the weekend doesn't look crazy just yet!  It'll get there, I'm sure!

A Little Funk

Lately things have just been....tough.  Monday in particular really stunk, and I just feel like so much has been bumming me out lately.

I know the weather over the weekend and into the beginning of the week didn't help matters.  I got cold (mid-40s to low 50s) and rainy.  Super rainy.  Like it started raining overnight from Saturday to Sunday and never really seemed to stop until yesterday morning.  It was so cold and so dreary and it didn't feel at all like June.  And with the winter we had, I guess it doesn't take much to fall into the hopeless-due-to-weather department. 

My job also hasn't been helping.  I'm still thrilled to have it, of course, but the last few weeks have been trying.  I'm still not that busy, so it's leading to a lot of very long days.  I'm just sort of stuck in a weird spot.  It's the end of our fiscal year, so there's a major crunch right now to get a lot of communications out and bring in as much money as we can before the end of the year.  My two superiors are crazy busy (and one is just getting over pneumonia), and I think it's hard for them to even take the time to figure out what's out there that they can teach me quickly.  They're so busy trying to plow through things, and I'm sure there's still a concern about how well I can do certain things with minimal supervision.  I've learned a ton and I think in the long run things will be fine as I learn more and they gain confidence in me, but currently I spend a lot of days either trying to kill time or doing lengthy, tedious projects all day.  It's been challenging.  I keep trying to tell myself that I'm still sitting here making more money and with better benefits than before, but I don't like feeling like I'm not contributing.  Never underestimate the value of feeling like you're helping someone else.  Clearly it's important.

Carter came home sick at the end of the day on Monday, which added to Monday's suckiness.  He was fine in the morning but started complaining about his belly in the afternoon and had a 102 fever by the time he got picked up.  He was such a sad little boy that night, not wanting to eat and asking to go to bed early.  I was super nervous about him having a stomach bug, but that never materialized and the worst it got was a bit of a messy diaper yesterday.  He has still been complaining about his ears, but the fever was gone last night so I'm just going to keep an eye on the ear thing and take him to the doctor if it seems to be an issue.

Jacob has been his usual challenging self.  There are moments where he's great and I'm so proud of him.  He just seems to be growing up before our eyes right now, and I can't get over that he's almost done with first grade.  Second grade seems so...old.  But he is such a challenge right now.  He complains about everything.  Everything.  It's like the whole world is ganging up on him.  The past few nights he's been yelling downstairs after bedtime because he can't sleep.  He refuses to read, but I refuse to let him play on the iPad because that will only keep him awake later.  He's bored and clearly wants company, but I guarantee that our presence will not make him fall asleep faster.  Beyond that, he fights us on regular daily life stuff--having to clean up his dirty clothes, brush his teeth, do his homework, remember to hand in his homework, eat his dinner before he gets dessert, go to lacrosse practice, you name it.  I told him this morning as he grumbled about a perceived injustice that the people that succeed in life do so because they are better at dealing with adversity.  A deep thought to lay on an almost-seven-year-old, I know, but it's true.  Successful people deal with their problems and move on.  The people that quit halfway through are the ones that don't go anywhere in life.  I don't know.  I just want him to listen at least some of the time and not question everything.  Questioning everything may serve him well later in life, but while he's living under our rules, it does not.  It only serves to exhaust everyone.

Beyond that, Monday stunk because there was a sudden death on Craig's side of the family (his cousin's college-age son) and there was a fatal shooting outside the mall five minutes from our house.  Turns out the shooter, a cop, is the dad of one of the kids on Jacob's lacrosse team.  The victim was suicidal and high on drugs and had an illegal gun, but I imagine the investigation into this one could be a little tough since they're only saying that the victim was reaching for his waistband.  The cop did get dragged 70 feet across the parking lot while hanging on to the car, so there's that, but it seems a little extreme that the guy got shot twice.  Basically, Monday was just a disaster, but the funk has been hanging in there for a while now. 

Like I said, I think my job has been a major contributor, but I can also tell I'm getting to the point where I'm craving some alone time with Craig and it feels like it'll never happen.  And you know, even if it does, it will come with guilt and possibly a lot of extra work and planning that take some of the fun right out of it.  We'd love to take a trip or something, but between my job being busy over the summer, and making sure the kids (and Jacob's dietary needs) don't drive anyone nuts, and just picking somewhere and doing it, it's just hard.  But I know we need that time to reconnect and remind ourselves why we found the other so much fun to be with in the first place.  The constant chatter from the kids makes it nearly impossible to complete a full sentence, let alone a full conversation, and by the time they're in bed, we're too exhausted to do much besides veg out in front of the screen of our choice.  We're fine, mind you, but I'd definitely like to recapture that higher level of connectedness and FUN that tends to go by the wayside when you work all day and wrangle kids at night.  Nothing quite beats feeling like stupid-in-love kids again, right?  Perhaps my sense of urgency has grown since my parents just spent a couple days in Las Vegas and it's been 11 years this summer since we last went there (and a lot has changed!).  That's really the last trip we've been on where we've spent hours by the pool and got adventurous at night (not crazy, just less planned, I guess?).  We had a few other pre-kid adventures away from home after that, too.  But outside of a hectic 36 hours together when the Knighthawks won the 2013 championship near Vancouver, and a couple nights in Niagara Falls here and there, we haven't had a lot of husband and wife vacation fun since the kids came along.  We probably need to rectify that soon, but no doubt it's a challenge to coordinate it all.

Hopefully things will get better soon.  The weather is on the upswing, work will get busier, and eventually Craig and I will get some time together...somehow.  The kids...well, they'll continue to keep us hopping, but that sort of goes with the territory.  As with everything else when it comes to parenthood, it's all a phase and will change soon enough.  Now to hang in there long enough for that to happen... 

School Picnic

Last year I remember a paper coming home from school with Jacob announcing the school picnic.  I'll be honest--with Jacob's Celiac disease I usually avoid things like that because it just gets too complicated.  The fun of the event usually ends up being squelched by the annoyance that results from Jacob not being able to eat what everyone else does.  So I tossed the paper out and dealt with Jacob's disappointment later.  This time around when the paperwork came home, I knew that I'd hear it from Jacob if we didn't go, so I checked to make sure he really wanted to go and reluctantly wrote the check for all of us to get meals.  I made a note that Jacob needed his burger without a bun, and made a mental note that he wouldn't really be able to eat any of the sides or dessert either.  Beyond that, I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.

The picnic arrived on Friday and luckily the weather was pleasant, so off we went.  We decided to get into the food line right away, and immediately I was on edge.  We watched a woman serve up burgers and hot dogs onto buns with gloves.  When we got up to the line, I hesitated handing over our tickets and explained to the woman that Jacob has Celiac disease and we were concerned about cross-contamination.  She grabbed a pair of tongs, which was helpful, but I unsuccessfully tried to explain to her at least twice that her gloved hands reaching into the pans of burgers after touching buns was a concern.  She just could not understand what the issue was an insisted the tongs were enough.  She said that her daughter has Celiac disease so she knows what's okay.  Ummm, clearly, you don't.  Anyway, I eventually gave up arguing and figured it would be minimal exposure, so we just took the burger and went off to eat.  He didn't get sick, but GEEZ.  I hate having to be that parent. 

We finished eating and headed off to check out the activities.  The first stop was the playground.  Jacob found some of his friends and Carter decided he was going to make his way through the big kids and go down the slide...

He had a blast and did it numerous times, each time with us cringing as big kids did crazy things all around him.  He couldn't really understand the concept of waiting until the slide was clear to go down, so some kids standing on the slide or screwing around suddenly had a little kid all up in their space.  Oh, well.  He did flop face-first on the mulch after his first run due to an unsuccessful dismount, but I was proud to see him go right back up for another round as soon as we brushed him off and dried the tears.  His lip was a little bloody and his face had some little dots that I'm guessing were from the impact on the mulch, but he did fine.

We moved to a smaller playset after that, and then moved on to what became the main attraction for the night--the fire truck!  At first he was hesitant to go up in it, but decided it looked pretty cool.  And once we got him up there, he didn't stop smiling...

Later Jacob took a break from running around with his friends and climbed up in it himself...

No matter how many times we tried to do other things, Carter kept wanting to go back.  He became somewhat of a novelty among the firefighters that were there, and they loved his obsession with the truck.

He couldn't get enough of sitting in the driver's seat!

At one point both boys were up in the truck, and this picture pretty accurately represents our life these days...

Carter is talking or yelling, and Jacob is making a face.  Yup, that's us.

 Later on we went back to another playground (one where Jacob's friend broke his arm the other day...yippee), and Jacob was hanging out with some girl friends on the equipment.  Carter tried to climb, but this equipment was pretty big!  At one point I hung on the monkey bars and attempted to do a pull-up (ha!), and after Carter saw me hanging, he decided to give it a try...

Swinging!

 He's pretty strong, though!  He hung in there pretty good!

We did have one other hiccup besides the food.  Jacob couldn't find us for a while and got a little panicky.  He tracked down the school counselor to help him, and she spotted us before she attempted to call Craig's cell.  Happy ending, but it was interesting to see his reaction.  In general we had a very nice time, though!

Today Jacob had a baseball game in the morning and we had a pretty low key rest of the day.  The one highlight is that the boys played in the sprinkler together this afternoon.  The pool is still getting opened (one step at a time) and it was hot, so at first they just played with the hose, and then we got out a fun sprinkler toy that Jacob got a couple years ago and the boys had fun with it!  Of course, I don't have pictures because a) it was very wet; and b) I was wet and in the midst of cleaning up a bunch of weeds and didn't want to use my camera in that state.  The best of it was short-lived, though, so I'm not sure I would have had time anyway.  But it was fun while they were both playing nicely!

A good start to our first "summer" weekend now that Craig is done with his season!  Lots of busy weekends to come!

The Best of Intentions

Parenting is hard.  Sometimes I wish that our kids' life success (in the broader sense) was based on our intentions, rather than what we actually do every day.  Can you imagine what an amazing, functional society we might have if we as parents could really do all of the things we'd like to do for our kids?  I'm not necessarily talking about material possessions or exceptional experiences, though in some cases those things would probably have an impact as well.  I'm just talking about something as simple as having more time and energy to sit and play or to just have an uninterrupted, earnest conversation. 

But life gets in the way, of course.  We spend all day working to make money to keep our kids housed and fed and cared for, to give them some things to call their own, and to provide them with experiences they'll take with them forever.  But if our sincere intention is to be able to spend more time with them, wouldn't it be nice if they just felt that love even when the time isn't there? 

I know I'm often guilty of using my limited time with the kids to get other things done, when I should be hanging out with them.  But after dinner the dishes beg to be cleaned up, and if I don't do it then, motivating myself to do it later seems like a gargantuan task.  I know that I should use Carter's naptime on weekends to hang out with Jacob and do things specifically with him, but getting things done is a huge sanity thing for me, as well, and if those things are nagging on me, I probably won't be a great mom anyway.  Sometimes he just happens to take that time and keep himself occupied, too, which is a great skill that I don't want to detract from.  But sometimes I'm simply too tired to, for example, spend a couple hours outside with him, knowing that when Carter wakes up he'll probably want to do the same thing.  So, we rest on our laurels and everything just ends up sub-par.  I feel terribly about it a lot of the time, but reality just gets in the way.  If only my intentions counted for something.

I'd love to involve the kids in more outings and events to expose them to different things.  I'd love to take them on more trips, even short ones, and do more fun activities as a family locally.  But between money, crazy schedules, and my simple fear of having to wrangle two crazy kids in the midst of what might be something already chaotic enough, it rarely happens.  In a couple weeks, there is a 5K and walk for charity that I really want to participate in.  I did it last year in honor of my friend's son who survived leukemia, and I'd really like to do it again.  Only, Jacob has baseball that morning, Craig might be on the road, and I sort of swore last year that I didn't want to bring kids again because dragging a stroller around or wrangling kids among the masses just isn't really a good time.  So as of now I'm not doing it.  I want to involve them in charity things, but sometimes the struggle outweighs the good it might do.  Heck, even giving away things to charity is a bit of a sore spot.  I mean, right now, Jacob mostly gives everything to Carter, and someday it will be Carter's unfortunate job to make the call on what's OK to be donated.  I never liked doing that as a kid, so I can only imagine the torture that lies ahead on that front.  I guess on one hand I'm grateful it will be Carter, because I can see Jacob being a lot more difficult with a task like that.  At the same time, I feel like Jacob is the one that most needs the experience of thinking of others and doing good deeds.  He's very selfish and self-centered a lot of the time and I know he needs more opportunities to exercise the "giving" side of him.  But I worry about the backlash and the complaining, so it slides down the list.  But gosh, if intentions counted for anything, he'd be in great shape.

I'd like to feed my kids good, wholesome food.  Sometimes I am successful, and sometimes I am not.  Gluten-free food is expensive as it is, let alone adding in anything organic.  And, of course, getting my kids to eat vegetables is a serious challenge, and sometimes it's not worth the battle.  Sometimes processed food is the one thing they'll eat to keep the meat on their skinny little bodies.  But oh, if intentions counted for anything, they'd be at the peak of health.  Well, maybe.  I still think there's a value to sticking a couple cookies in Jacob's lunch every day.  Life is too short not to eat cookies...especially when you can't eat so many other things!

I'd really like to be a less shouty mom.  Most of the time it seems my kids do not listen unless I shout, and half the time they're being so loud that I have to shout.  As a result, I usually feel like I don't have a choice BUT to be a shouty mom, but in reality it's really not pleasant for anyone.  They don't want to listen to me yelling, I don't like to hear myself yelling, and my throat definitely does not like me yelling.  And yet...despite my best intentions, I yell.  A lot.  But oh, how I wish I could maintain the volume level of (controversy aside) Michelle Duggar, who remains calm and downright sweet when disciplining her kids.  The real-life mom in me wants to think she's crazy for being able to stay so calm, but I still wish I could do it. 

Ultimately I'd like to look put-together and in-control with my kids, but maintain a loving attitude.  I want to have and live out a genuine desire to spend time with them, but still maintain a certain level of productivity.  I want to give them the best life possible, but not bankrupt us to do it.  A tricky balance, this parenting thing.  If only intentions equaled reality...if only I was Superwoman...if only life didn't get in the way of LIFE.  Maybe someday I'll figure some of this out, but in the meantime I guess I can't stop trying...