Tonight I tried to go to the gym again. I decided that I would walk far less than I did last time. Instead of a half hour, I only did 15 minutes on the treadmill, then tried five minutes on the elliptical to see if the less jarring motion would feel better than walking. Alas, it didn't go very well. I mean, I got through it, but even those 15 minutes were a challenge. It's not that I get tired, it's just that I end up with a lot of pressure in my belly and sensations "down under" that make me worry that I'm already starting to dilate. I remember feeling these sensations around the eight month mark last time, after I had stopped my formal workouts and was trying to do neighborhood walks on lovely May and June evenings. I'm only at seven months right now, which is obviously far too early. I'm not going to lie--I'm nervous. I've been walking around gingerly (and even driving slower) all night, like doing that is going to make a difference.
I don't really have many of the traditional causes or symptoms of premature labor, but I suppose every pregnancy is different. Lately I have been having some lower back pain while sitting at work, which is a symptom, but that's common with pregnancy anyway, so it's hard to know if it means anything. The pressure I had today while walking was a little disconcerting, but I don't know if the hardness in my belly is just where the baby happens to be sitting, or if it's a contraction. I don't know what normal contractions really feel like because last time around I had to be induced and my contractions all showed up as back labor, which just felt like really bad cramps. When I went to the doctor the morning before I delivered, I was apparently having contractions, but I couldn't feel them. So, suffice it to say that I'm a little confused by the concept.
I always feel like I have to pee, and it doesn't help when the baby randomly kicks my bladder or seems to be pawing around in the general location of what feels like my cervix. Last night I woke up at 2am with intense pain on my left side under my belly. While I didn't think it felt like round ligament pain at the time, in retrospect I think it probably was. I had a few bouts of that last time, and it was pretty much the same process--wake up in pain, get up to go to the bathroom, hang out for a few minutes until the worst of the pain subsides, then find a new position with the belly supported and hope to get back to sleep. I don't think it indicates anything other than the fact that I'm growing, but if I'm mistaking premature labor for it, that's a problem.
I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and I'm actually going to try to convince them to do an internal exam to see if I happen to be dilating. I know tonight may just be one bad night, but the fact that I've been feeling a lot more uncomfortable so much earlier than last time really bothers me. I'd like some encouragement that things are really okay, or at worst, some confirmation that I need to get all my ducks in a row ASAP because things are happening.
If something is happening, there are about a million bad things about that. First and foremost would be the baby's health. The next thing that comes to mind is that we'd be dealing with yet another extended hospital stay, which was one of the things I really wanted to avoid this time. I still feel cheated that we didn't have a comfortable, quiet first week at home with Jacob. Instead, we spent those early days sharing duties with nurses, nursing in an uncomfortable chair behind a curtain, spending long hours at the hospital, and missing out on opportunities for catnaps. We missed out on peaceful photo ops and it felt like it took so much longer to get to know Jacob because we couldn't spend 24 hours with him in a comfortable environment. I really wanted a "normal" experience with this one.
Next on my mind is all that needs to be done before this baby comes--the complex things I need to train our assistant on at work, painting the baby's room and getting the crib back to the right height, bringing up all of the baby stuff and getting it washed and stored, and filling out my disability paperwork. Heck, my Christmas tree is still up and we still have that tiny detail of needing to pick out a name. I haven't even begun to think about packing a hospital bag, either. My nursing bras haven't been washed and we have all of a couple newborn size diapers (free samples) in the house.
Finally, I'd be sad to miss out on such a large chunk of pregnancy. Ten days was enough to miss out on last time. I really wanted to savor these last couple months, both since it's our last bit of time alone with Jacob as a family of three, and because I'll probably never have this experience of being pregnant again. Jacob really hasn't been that into my belly, and I was hoping to get pictures of my giant belly, including with him interacting with it, before this unique opportunity is over. There was so much I wanted to cram into these last couple months, and now I'm not so sure I'll have the chance. And given the fact that this is probably the last time I'll be pregnant, I don't want to leave anything on the table. I want no regrets to tempt me to do this again because a third kid seems like an extra bad idea after a rough-ish pregnancy and with the complications of going beyond the society-friendly family of four.
Of course, maybe it's just all in my head. Maybe it's just a bad night and a little bad luck that this pregnancy's been harder. I probably won't know anything until Thursday morning, and that can't come soon enough. I'll be praying and laying down a lot in the meantime...
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Nesting vs. Necessity
Pregnant women are infamous for nesting. I don't feel like I experienced any crazy nesting urges last time, though I know I had a couple projects that could have been considered nesting-driven. However, my take on it is that they were projects that had to be done at some point, and I knew that if I didn't do them prior to having the baby, they'd never get done...or at the very least I'd be kicking myself when I absolutely had to do them while dealing with a needy infant. So, last time around I cleaned and reorganized some shelves in our basement and replaced the border in our bathroom.
I wish that nesting manifested itself in me with the urge to clean everything in sight, but unfortunately that's not the case. In fact, that couldn't be less true! My house is pretty nasty at the moment because the last thing I feel like doing at the end of the day is cleaning. However, this time around I've been more focused on organization and order. Jacob's constant mess makes me nuts. Clutter on my kitchen counters or the coffee table is a constant source of annoyance. Of course, I'm stuck in a weird spot because I'm generally a saver. I don't like throwing things out, and I worry about getting rid of something because I might need it later. Our crawl space is rapidly filling up, and it makes me a little crazy, but I don't want to ditch furniture, old decor items, or empty boxes, because we might need them sometime. My philosophy is that if there's a place for it to stay neatly out of the way, we can keep it for now. Hence why Jacob's coloring books are in a basket and I keep trying to buy bins for toys and clothes, since we now have another kid who will use them later and a crawl space that will hold them for now.
There's still a lot that we need to get done before this baby comes, and I think nesting is making me a little more anxious than usual to get things done. We'd have to do them anyway, but I feel a little frantic to get them done NOW. I felt that way about Christmas, too, and it picked right up with the baby stuff once the holidays were over. The carpeting (and all of the house upheaval that went with it) was the first part, then getting Jacob's room set up was second. I ordered Jacob's furniture on December 30th, and hoped that it would arrive on schedule so it could be put together ASAP, and on a weekend when I had larger chunks of time and Craig around to help me if need be.
You may be wondering why I would be the one putting furniture together, since it doesn't seem like something a 7+ months pregnant woman should be doing. Well...here's the thing. Craig is not really mechanically inclined. Handyman stuff is not his forte. It's not exactly mine either, but I tend to be a little more patient with instructions and tedious work, and over the years I've gotten pretty good at furniture assembly (thank you, IKEA). I know he's usually got a lot on his mind with work, and for him to dedicate hours to stuff like that...well, it's just not his thing. And most of the time, that's fine. It's just when I'm pregnant that it becomes a bit challenging. We did Jacob's crib together last time in the sweltering heat of our house, but I did most of the changing table/dresser myself, with some assistance from him for flipping it and having an extra set of hands for certain steps. To be honest, I find it challenging to have a helper when putting furniture together anyway, since it's such a step-by-step process and only one person can really do anything at any given time, aside from something like drawer assembly where there are multiple sets of pieces to be worked on.
Anyway...I knew this task would fall to me so I was eager to get it done as soon as possible, before I got any more uncomfortable. I was a little concerned when the pieces took so long to ship (well over a week), but in the end the shipping part was extra fast. Two pieces arrived Thursday and the third came Friday. Two of the boxes were huge and heavy, and it was a brutal task just to get them in the house. I ended up opening the boxes in the living room and transporting handfuls of pieces up to Jacob's new room so we didn't have to carry the boxes up the stairs (since I'm not supposed to be lifting much anyway). I spent the vast majority of my afternoons both days this weekend putting it all together--Jacob's bed and headboard on Saturday, and his dresser yesterday--and I won't lie, it was exhausting. My hands are sore today, and I'm still sporting a band-aid from a blister. But it's done.
Despite my exhaustion I still managed to move the rest of Jacob's stuff into his new room. His clothes are in the closet and the dresser, a few toiletry items have been transferred, and the couple things from his walls that are going in the new room have been taken down and are awaiting their new home. There are still some stuffed animals in there (we have yet to fight that battle) and some wall decals will be moved once the rest of the wall hangings find a place (or the baby's room gets painted, whichever comes first), but for the most part the baby's room is emptied of the big boy stuff. We still have to decorate Jacob's walls and figure out which toys are coming into his room vs. staying in the living room (for now), but all things considered, I'm happy this portion of the transition is done.
Craig probably thought I was nuts at times this weekend because I was so intent on getting things done, but while I could chalk it up to nesting, I'm well aware that I'm driven by a limited time frame and things just needed to get done. There's only so much time to finish these tasks, and this weekend was Craig's last full weekend off until the baby's due, so I had to take full advantage of it while I could. That left Craig to wrangle Jacob most of the weekend, which was a challenge in itself.
This process is exhausting and sometimes it feels like I'm being driven to keep going by some strange force, but make no mistake...while nesting might keep me going, I'm grateful for the push. This stuff needs to get done and nesting is simply doing its part to offset the fact that that pregnancy makes me want to take a lot of naps. Let's hope it keeps up, because we don't have much longer to go!
I wish that nesting manifested itself in me with the urge to clean everything in sight, but unfortunately that's not the case. In fact, that couldn't be less true! My house is pretty nasty at the moment because the last thing I feel like doing at the end of the day is cleaning. However, this time around I've been more focused on organization and order. Jacob's constant mess makes me nuts. Clutter on my kitchen counters or the coffee table is a constant source of annoyance. Of course, I'm stuck in a weird spot because I'm generally a saver. I don't like throwing things out, and I worry about getting rid of something because I might need it later. Our crawl space is rapidly filling up, and it makes me a little crazy, but I don't want to ditch furniture, old decor items, or empty boxes, because we might need them sometime. My philosophy is that if there's a place for it to stay neatly out of the way, we can keep it for now. Hence why Jacob's coloring books are in a basket and I keep trying to buy bins for toys and clothes, since we now have another kid who will use them later and a crawl space that will hold them for now.
There's still a lot that we need to get done before this baby comes, and I think nesting is making me a little more anxious than usual to get things done. We'd have to do them anyway, but I feel a little frantic to get them done NOW. I felt that way about Christmas, too, and it picked right up with the baby stuff once the holidays were over. The carpeting (and all of the house upheaval that went with it) was the first part, then getting Jacob's room set up was second. I ordered Jacob's furniture on December 30th, and hoped that it would arrive on schedule so it could be put together ASAP, and on a weekend when I had larger chunks of time and Craig around to help me if need be.
You may be wondering why I would be the one putting furniture together, since it doesn't seem like something a 7+ months pregnant woman should be doing. Well...here's the thing. Craig is not really mechanically inclined. Handyman stuff is not his forte. It's not exactly mine either, but I tend to be a little more patient with instructions and tedious work, and over the years I've gotten pretty good at furniture assembly (thank you, IKEA). I know he's usually got a lot on his mind with work, and for him to dedicate hours to stuff like that...well, it's just not his thing. And most of the time, that's fine. It's just when I'm pregnant that it becomes a bit challenging. We did Jacob's crib together last time in the sweltering heat of our house, but I did most of the changing table/dresser myself, with some assistance from him for flipping it and having an extra set of hands for certain steps. To be honest, I find it challenging to have a helper when putting furniture together anyway, since it's such a step-by-step process and only one person can really do anything at any given time, aside from something like drawer assembly where there are multiple sets of pieces to be worked on.
Anyway...I knew this task would fall to me so I was eager to get it done as soon as possible, before I got any more uncomfortable. I was a little concerned when the pieces took so long to ship (well over a week), but in the end the shipping part was extra fast. Two pieces arrived Thursday and the third came Friday. Two of the boxes were huge and heavy, and it was a brutal task just to get them in the house. I ended up opening the boxes in the living room and transporting handfuls of pieces up to Jacob's new room so we didn't have to carry the boxes up the stairs (since I'm not supposed to be lifting much anyway). I spent the vast majority of my afternoons both days this weekend putting it all together--Jacob's bed and headboard on Saturday, and his dresser yesterday--and I won't lie, it was exhausting. My hands are sore today, and I'm still sporting a band-aid from a blister. But it's done.
Despite my exhaustion I still managed to move the rest of Jacob's stuff into his new room. His clothes are in the closet and the dresser, a few toiletry items have been transferred, and the couple things from his walls that are going in the new room have been taken down and are awaiting their new home. There are still some stuffed animals in there (we have yet to fight that battle) and some wall decals will be moved once the rest of the wall hangings find a place (or the baby's room gets painted, whichever comes first), but for the most part the baby's room is emptied of the big boy stuff. We still have to decorate Jacob's walls and figure out which toys are coming into his room vs. staying in the living room (for now), but all things considered, I'm happy this portion of the transition is done.
Craig probably thought I was nuts at times this weekend because I was so intent on getting things done, but while I could chalk it up to nesting, I'm well aware that I'm driven by a limited time frame and things just needed to get done. There's only so much time to finish these tasks, and this weekend was Craig's last full weekend off until the baby's due, so I had to take full advantage of it while I could. That left Craig to wrangle Jacob most of the weekend, which was a challenge in itself.
This process is exhausting and sometimes it feels like I'm being driven to keep going by some strange force, but make no mistake...while nesting might keep me going, I'm grateful for the push. This stuff needs to get done and nesting is simply doing its part to offset the fact that that pregnancy makes me want to take a lot of naps. Let's hope it keeps up, because we don't have much longer to go!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Soccer!
And so it begins. Thursday night was Jacob's long-awaited first foray into organized sports. A year or so ago I bought a Groupon-type deal for half off of a micro sports program at a sports complex down the road from us. Their micro programs are a great starter option, and some of them are available for really young kids. They're short, six-week programs that are helpful for trying out new sports without a lot of commitment. When we went to Jacob's thanksgiving dinner at daycare, we chatted with the mom of Jacob's buddy Mason, whose dad happens to be a former professional soccer goalie. We thought it might be fun to sign them up together, and after a month of procrastination, we got him signed up just before the special deal expired. The six-week program goes until Valentine's Day, so I'm a) hoping that I'm still hanging in there by his last session; and b) already knowing to not expect a romantic Valentine's Day evening.
Anyway, Jacob had been counting down the days until soccer started, and Thursday was the day! He was all excited to get his jersey, and we got him (cheap) new cleats last weekend. Along with the shin guards he's had for a while, he looked like a real soccer player!
 |
| All ready! |
In the end, he did great. We couldn't help but laugh at the start because when they were all instructed to huddle up, Mason actually put his hand on Jacob's back and herded him over to the group. Jacob did his best to follow directions, and surprisingly he was not overly distracted by the presence of a soccer ball and a giant field to run around on. He had a hard time with some of the drills, but I think that's a good thing because it will give him new things to practice and make him feel like he has a purpose for being there. To his credit, he did keep trying the tough stuff and did respectably well.
They did some warm-up exercises, then some skill drills, and finished up with a little scrimmage. In between they had potty/water breaks, which I guess is necessary with a bunch of 4-5 year-olds. Here he is during a water break...
I did get a little video of the scrimmage, but it's probably hard to tell which one he is most of the time...
We'll see how this one goes before deciding whether to sign him up for something else. Obviously things are going to get busy in the next couple months, so we might have to take a little break and then find something else in the spring to fill time before baseball starts in July. I'm just not sure when I'll be comfortable taking him places with the baby--both because I don't want the baby out in public much early on (flu season is scary enough without a baby) and because readjusting to a baby's schedule is going to be a challenge. Craig's going to be busy with lacrosse season, too, so we need to consider that as well. As I waited for the boys to arrive the other night, I looked around at dozens of other kids (mostly lacrosse players) that filled the facility and couldn't help but think to myself, "This is going to be my life." With two boys, it's probably unavoidable. I'm not sure I'm ready for it, but at least we can start slow.
At least for one night, our entrance into the world of organized sports went well. Let's hope it continues and it's the start of a long, successful run...and fun for all of us!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
The Good Stuff
I'm pretty sure I made a list like this the first time around, but I'm getting to the point where I need reminders about why pregnancy is great. Last night I went to the gym for the first time in a while, and all I did was a slow-ish 30 minute walk, some minor weight lifting, some squats, and some stretches. And now I'm slightly concerned that I'm setting myself up for an early delivery, because man, was my belly sore. I was getting all sorts of sensations in the nether-regions, which I'm hoping is just a combination of the baby moving and stretching muscles and ligaments, but considering the last time I felt stuff like that I was eight months pregnant and stopped working out for that very reason (and also because my internal exams after 36 weeks all showed that I was consistently dilating), it's a little nerve wracking. I am very concerned about going early this time, so I'm going to have to be extra careful and see if I can regain some minor level of fitness without sending myself into early labor. Awesome. But given that I only walked about 1.45 miles in my 30 minutes when I was running 3.5 miles in that time seven months ago, it's a little bit of a bummer. So...to keep my spirits up, here's the good stuff...
Eating - Now that the holidays are over and I'm not eating every sweet thing in sight, it's nice to not feel guilty about my normal eating habits. I won't lie--over the holidays I ate a LOT, and it was nice to not worry as much about it because I was pregnant. However, I knew that it still wasn't ideal. But now that the worst of it is over and I'm eating more normally, it's nice to make average food decisions and not have to think twice. For example, if I have a small bowl of ice cream or a bowl of cereal (or want another small snack after that), it's nice to just eat it and not worry about the calories. No matter how reasonable the snack might be, pre-pregnancy I'd still think twice.
Eating healthy - I still don't do enough of this, but being pregnant gives me an extra excuse to buy certain things I might normally worry about spending extra money on. I've been eating a Greek yogurt and a string cheese every day, and I'm more likely to buy fresh fruit. They're not huge splurges, but I don't know if I could justify them if I didn't need as much calcium and other nutrients as I do right now. Also, per the point above, I like being able to drink milk or juice without worrying about the calories. I drink a lot of water, but it's nice to drink something else now that I've mostly given up soda (at least at home).
Not having to suck it in - I'm proud of my belly, and I'm enjoying that fact. It's such a nice change of pace after years of constantly being conscious of sucking it in to look skinny. Now my butt and hips are proportionately small and doing the job of making me look skinny all on their own! My belly is solid and I can't really find pudge on it. And there's absolutely nothing that will suck in, so it's not like I even have a choice. But it's nice not to worry about that.
Feeling like a rock star just for showing up at the gym - Not only don't I have to do a full-blown workout, but just being at the gym makes me look like a hero. That said, I do miss being able to put in a good, solid workout and feeling like I'm doing something worthwhile. But it is nice going there knowing I'm just trying to improve my fitness rather than lose weight.
Topic of conversation - There's always something to talk about with friends, co-workers, family, and even strangers. Wearing a big bulky coat doesn't allow for as many random moments as I had last time (since it was warmer and I didn't need a coat as often), but even that didn't stop one woman in the elevator at work this week. It was a pretty presumptuous thing to assume I was pregnant under that coat, but it worked out well for her this time! But it's fun to see people I haven't seen in a few weeks and to see their reaction when they see how much bigger I've gotten.
Feeling kicks - While not all of them are enjoyable, it is fascinating to feel him moving around in there and wondering what he's doing or what part that might be. It's a good reminder, too, that I'm never really alone.
Excuse to sit - I know that aside from nursing I'm not going to have much downtime or a reason to sit once this baby comes, so for now it's not a bad thing to have a good reason to sit and relax. Sometimes I'd like a little more energy and ability to move, but I know I should be grateful for this while I can.
The joy of a baby, without the work - We have all this excitement, without the middle-of-the-night wakeups, diaper changes, and feedings. It's not the same as having a snuggly baby, but I remember thinking it was easier when the baby was healthy and protected in the womb than when he was outside and I worried about everything that crossed his path.
Being "part of the party" - I read a lot of blogs, and while I relate to the parent blogs here and there, there's nothing quite like pregnancy to really bring out topics that I can totally relate to. Same goes for in-person stuff, or even Facebook, but it's easier to seek out pregnancy blogs than to rely on having pregnant friends. Last time there were three other pregnant women in my office, but the closest I got this time was one who delivered back in October and another who got pregnant but miscarried. I have a handful of pregnant Facebook friends, including a Knighthawks fan who's due the day before me! It's just fun to have something like that to bond over with other people and be one of the "in-crowd" when the topic comes up anywhere.
Less concern with clothes - This one could be subtitled "I can wear skinny jeans!", but there are a couple nice things about a maternity wardrobe. First of all, the belly's distracting enough that you don't have to look flawless every day. I might not look amazing in everything I wear, but given my options, it's good enough and most eyes just gravitate to the belly anyway. If someone doesn't like what I'm wearing, at least they know that it's not really part of my normal wardrobe and can assume that I'm just doing what I can to stay clothed! My wardrobe is smaller, so I pretty much know what my options are and have to be okay with doing a 2-3 week rotation. Again, people know pregnancy is a limited period of time so they're less likely to penalize me for wearing something a little more frequently than usual. But per my skinny jeans comment above, it's nice to not need clothes to fit perfectly. I can only wear skinny jeans right now because I don't have to find ones that fit me in the waist, hips, and thighs. As long as the latter two are fine, I'm good to go, because the waist is all elastic! Good luck with that after pregnancy! And as for tops, shirts are either drapey enough to hide things, or they're fitted, and since I don't have to worry about my usual belly pudge right now, fitted works even better than usual. Of course, I will pay for all of this post-pregnancy when nothing fits and I just look fat, but for now it's fun.
It's fun to go to the doctor - Normally it's the big dreaded doctor visit of the year to visit the OB/GYN, but during pregnancy it's downright pleasant. You get to hear the baby's heartbeat and receive confirmation that you're doing everything right, and you get to stay totally clothed in the process. That honeymoon will end in another month or so when internal exams start again and they start telling me that I'm dilating early again, but for now it's nice to
I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that come to mind right now. I think these are probably God's little ways of making an otherwise trying time a little bit easier. Not having to worry about certain things while worrying about a load of extra things is a nice little perk. I know this time is limited so I'm doing my best to soak it all in and appreciate every moment. It was a long road to get here and it's hard to believe it's now so close to the end. I may not love every second of it (and this time, admittedly, there's been a lot more not to like), but it is an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.
Eating - Now that the holidays are over and I'm not eating every sweet thing in sight, it's nice to not feel guilty about my normal eating habits. I won't lie--over the holidays I ate a LOT, and it was nice to not worry as much about it because I was pregnant. However, I knew that it still wasn't ideal. But now that the worst of it is over and I'm eating more normally, it's nice to make average food decisions and not have to think twice. For example, if I have a small bowl of ice cream or a bowl of cereal (or want another small snack after that), it's nice to just eat it and not worry about the calories. No matter how reasonable the snack might be, pre-pregnancy I'd still think twice.
Eating healthy - I still don't do enough of this, but being pregnant gives me an extra excuse to buy certain things I might normally worry about spending extra money on. I've been eating a Greek yogurt and a string cheese every day, and I'm more likely to buy fresh fruit. They're not huge splurges, but I don't know if I could justify them if I didn't need as much calcium and other nutrients as I do right now. Also, per the point above, I like being able to drink milk or juice without worrying about the calories. I drink a lot of water, but it's nice to drink something else now that I've mostly given up soda (at least at home).
Not having to suck it in - I'm proud of my belly, and I'm enjoying that fact. It's such a nice change of pace after years of constantly being conscious of sucking it in to look skinny. Now my butt and hips are proportionately small and doing the job of making me look skinny all on their own! My belly is solid and I can't really find pudge on it. And there's absolutely nothing that will suck in, so it's not like I even have a choice. But it's nice not to worry about that.
Feeling like a rock star just for showing up at the gym - Not only don't I have to do a full-blown workout, but just being at the gym makes me look like a hero. That said, I do miss being able to put in a good, solid workout and feeling like I'm doing something worthwhile. But it is nice going there knowing I'm just trying to improve my fitness rather than lose weight.
Topic of conversation - There's always something to talk about with friends, co-workers, family, and even strangers. Wearing a big bulky coat doesn't allow for as many random moments as I had last time (since it was warmer and I didn't need a coat as often), but even that didn't stop one woman in the elevator at work this week. It was a pretty presumptuous thing to assume I was pregnant under that coat, but it worked out well for her this time! But it's fun to see people I haven't seen in a few weeks and to see their reaction when they see how much bigger I've gotten.
Feeling kicks - While not all of them are enjoyable, it is fascinating to feel him moving around in there and wondering what he's doing or what part that might be. It's a good reminder, too, that I'm never really alone.
Excuse to sit - I know that aside from nursing I'm not going to have much downtime or a reason to sit once this baby comes, so for now it's not a bad thing to have a good reason to sit and relax. Sometimes I'd like a little more energy and ability to move, but I know I should be grateful for this while I can.
The joy of a baby, without the work - We have all this excitement, without the middle-of-the-night wakeups, diaper changes, and feedings. It's not the same as having a snuggly baby, but I remember thinking it was easier when the baby was healthy and protected in the womb than when he was outside and I worried about everything that crossed his path.
Being "part of the party" - I read a lot of blogs, and while I relate to the parent blogs here and there, there's nothing quite like pregnancy to really bring out topics that I can totally relate to. Same goes for in-person stuff, or even Facebook, but it's easier to seek out pregnancy blogs than to rely on having pregnant friends. Last time there were three other pregnant women in my office, but the closest I got this time was one who delivered back in October and another who got pregnant but miscarried. I have a handful of pregnant Facebook friends, including a Knighthawks fan who's due the day before me! It's just fun to have something like that to bond over with other people and be one of the "in-crowd" when the topic comes up anywhere.
Less concern with clothes - This one could be subtitled "I can wear skinny jeans!", but there are a couple nice things about a maternity wardrobe. First of all, the belly's distracting enough that you don't have to look flawless every day. I might not look amazing in everything I wear, but given my options, it's good enough and most eyes just gravitate to the belly anyway. If someone doesn't like what I'm wearing, at least they know that it's not really part of my normal wardrobe and can assume that I'm just doing what I can to stay clothed! My wardrobe is smaller, so I pretty much know what my options are and have to be okay with doing a 2-3 week rotation. Again, people know pregnancy is a limited period of time so they're less likely to penalize me for wearing something a little more frequently than usual. But per my skinny jeans comment above, it's nice to not need clothes to fit perfectly. I can only wear skinny jeans right now because I don't have to find ones that fit me in the waist, hips, and thighs. As long as the latter two are fine, I'm good to go, because the waist is all elastic! Good luck with that after pregnancy! And as for tops, shirts are either drapey enough to hide things, or they're fitted, and since I don't have to worry about my usual belly pudge right now, fitted works even better than usual. Of course, I will pay for all of this post-pregnancy when nothing fits and I just look fat, but for now it's fun.
It's fun to go to the doctor - Normally it's the big dreaded doctor visit of the year to visit the OB/GYN, but during pregnancy it's downright pleasant. You get to hear the baby's heartbeat and receive confirmation that you're doing everything right, and you get to stay totally clothed in the process. That honeymoon will end in another month or so when internal exams start again and they start telling me that I'm dilating early again, but for now it's nice to
I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that come to mind right now. I think these are probably God's little ways of making an otherwise trying time a little bit easier. Not having to worry about certain things while worrying about a load of extra things is a nice little perk. I know this time is limited so I'm doing my best to soak it all in and appreciate every moment. It was a long road to get here and it's hard to believe it's now so close to the end. I may not love every second of it (and this time, admittedly, there's been a lot more not to like), but it is an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Our Special Place
I know that our uninterrupted time with Jacob is winding down. My due date is two months from today (!) and from the moment this baby enters our lives, our relationship with Jacob will change. He will no longer be the only major priority in our family life. I hope that we can still find ways to make him feel special even though the baby is going to take up a lot of time and energy. As I mentioned previously, he's not the most patient child and I don't know how he's going to respond when he needs to wait in line behind any number of other more pressing issues. So, in the midst of bracing ourselves for that, we need to focus on maximizing our time with him now.
Last time around I was a little bitter I went as early as I did because I was well aware that Craig's and my time alone was limited and I wanted to savor every last minute. We could have crammed a lot of quality time into those ten days, but instead we entered some of the most stressful days of our life together. We made it through OK, but I've always been a little sad that those additional days weren't what I had been hoping for, and that opportunity was lost forever. Now we're in our last couple months as a family of three, and we're facing the same issue of maximizing our time together. Of course, this time around it's complicated further because Craig is officially in-season. He was doing some work for an outdoor lacrosse team when Jacob was born (and in fact, he could have been on a roadtrip the day Jacob was born), but his schedule was a little different than it is now. He just got back at 1am this morning from his first roadtrip of the year, a whirlwind weekend to Everett, WA, a little bit outside Seattle. He's off next weekend and then has a series of games at home, but he usually goes to practice in Canada once a week and his schedule is just generally busier than it was that summer. So, it's not like we have unlimited weekends to work with, or gorgeous weather to frolic in. We can't travel far at this point, either, so fun weekend trips to anywhere but Buffalo are probably not an option. Suffice it to say we'll have to be a little creative to make him feel special in these last weeks.
While Craig was gone this weekend I struggled to find a fun activity for us to do. The weather wasn't great--windy, cold, even rainy--and my endurance isn't what it once was. Playing in the snow wouldn't work, since I'm afraid of slipping on ice and I can't even pull him on a sled. Going to the zoo was tempting, but the weather just wasn't good enough. I live in fear of bounce house places right now because they are germ magnets and the more we can do to prevent illnesses (we're all trying to kick coughs and colds to the curb right now), the better. I just couldn't think of anything fun. We did put together the puzzle he fell asleep attempting on Saturday, which was fun. But the highlight of the weekend? A trip to Taco Bell.
Taco Bell and I go way back. It was one of my favorite restaurants when I was little, and then, sadly, all of the Taco Bells moved out of Western New York. I remember other restaurants taking over the familiar buildings around town, including a hot dog/burger joint at the one in my hometown. When I was about 11, the nearby Walden Galleria Mall opened up, and in its food court was Taco Bell's first reappearance in the area. I was so excited, and my excitement grew when the existing original Taco Bell building in my hometown was demolished and a brand new Taco Bell went up in its place! Little did I know that a handful of years later I'd be working there. My first job was at that Taco Bell, starting at the end of my senior year of high school, through the following summer, and again for a month when I was back from college at Christmas. It wasn't exactly a fantastic job, and while I ate plenty of food when I worked there, I did keep my distance for a while afterward.
Still, nowadays it's one of my go-to fast food places when I'm alone (Craig will eat there, but it isn't his favorite), and a couple years ago I started bringing Jacob with me, figuring that a beef and cheese taco was a pretty simple option for him. For a while his cooperation while dining there was hit-or-miss. Sometimes he'd seem to enjoy it, and sometimes he'd refuse. But in the last year or so, he's been more into it, and now he specifically asks to go there. I credit the caramel apple empanada at least partially for his enthusiasm, but still, it's nice to have him so eager to go somewhere to eat because it's one less battle to fight.
So, on Friday I mentioned to him that we could go out to dinner on Saturday, and asked where he might like to go. He suggested Taco Bell, which was one of my top choices as well given that it's in the parking lot of the Walmart we needed to go to over the weekend. He was excited about it earlier on Saturday, and it was so cute to see his enthusiasm when we finally got to go. He ate his taco like a champ, snacked on some nachos, and eagerly awaited our special treat, the caramel apple empanada that we always share. It's basically just like an apple pie pocket, but it's so good. We always split one. While we were there he was so sweet, so affectionate, and so well-behaved. It was heavenly. And I think Taco Bell has officially become "our place". Who'd have thunk it?
I love that time with him. I suppose it's similar to how that day at Strong Museum went a month ago. He was truly a very good boy that day and really appreciated the experience. It just goes to show that when you only get to do something once in a while, it really does take on a special significance. If we went to the museum every week or ate at Taco Bell all the time, those activities, like everything else, would lose their novelty and fall prey to the same crappy behavior we deal with most of the time. The temptation is to try to do those things more often to enjoy those good times, but unfortunately it doesn't always work like that. When those things become a special treat, you can see him really trying to be appreciative and show how much he's enjoying it. I wish I could bottle that and keep it for a rainy day, but alas, it's a rare and special thing and you never know when it's going to work out like that. But the other night, at a place as simple as Taco Bell, we had our moment. And until this baby comes, I'll take as many of those as I can get.
Last time around I was a little bitter I went as early as I did because I was well aware that Craig's and my time alone was limited and I wanted to savor every last minute. We could have crammed a lot of quality time into those ten days, but instead we entered some of the most stressful days of our life together. We made it through OK, but I've always been a little sad that those additional days weren't what I had been hoping for, and that opportunity was lost forever. Now we're in our last couple months as a family of three, and we're facing the same issue of maximizing our time together. Of course, this time around it's complicated further because Craig is officially in-season. He was doing some work for an outdoor lacrosse team when Jacob was born (and in fact, he could have been on a roadtrip the day Jacob was born), but his schedule was a little different than it is now. He just got back at 1am this morning from his first roadtrip of the year, a whirlwind weekend to Everett, WA, a little bit outside Seattle. He's off next weekend and then has a series of games at home, but he usually goes to practice in Canada once a week and his schedule is just generally busier than it was that summer. So, it's not like we have unlimited weekends to work with, or gorgeous weather to frolic in. We can't travel far at this point, either, so fun weekend trips to anywhere but Buffalo are probably not an option. Suffice it to say we'll have to be a little creative to make him feel special in these last weeks.
While Craig was gone this weekend I struggled to find a fun activity for us to do. The weather wasn't great--windy, cold, even rainy--and my endurance isn't what it once was. Playing in the snow wouldn't work, since I'm afraid of slipping on ice and I can't even pull him on a sled. Going to the zoo was tempting, but the weather just wasn't good enough. I live in fear of bounce house places right now because they are germ magnets and the more we can do to prevent illnesses (we're all trying to kick coughs and colds to the curb right now), the better. I just couldn't think of anything fun. We did put together the puzzle he fell asleep attempting on Saturday, which was fun. But the highlight of the weekend? A trip to Taco Bell.
Taco Bell and I go way back. It was one of my favorite restaurants when I was little, and then, sadly, all of the Taco Bells moved out of Western New York. I remember other restaurants taking over the familiar buildings around town, including a hot dog/burger joint at the one in my hometown. When I was about 11, the nearby Walden Galleria Mall opened up, and in its food court was Taco Bell's first reappearance in the area. I was so excited, and my excitement grew when the existing original Taco Bell building in my hometown was demolished and a brand new Taco Bell went up in its place! Little did I know that a handful of years later I'd be working there. My first job was at that Taco Bell, starting at the end of my senior year of high school, through the following summer, and again for a month when I was back from college at Christmas. It wasn't exactly a fantastic job, and while I ate plenty of food when I worked there, I did keep my distance for a while afterward.
Still, nowadays it's one of my go-to fast food places when I'm alone (Craig will eat there, but it isn't his favorite), and a couple years ago I started bringing Jacob with me, figuring that a beef and cheese taco was a pretty simple option for him. For a while his cooperation while dining there was hit-or-miss. Sometimes he'd seem to enjoy it, and sometimes he'd refuse. But in the last year or so, he's been more into it, and now he specifically asks to go there. I credit the caramel apple empanada at least partially for his enthusiasm, but still, it's nice to have him so eager to go somewhere to eat because it's one less battle to fight.
So, on Friday I mentioned to him that we could go out to dinner on Saturday, and asked where he might like to go. He suggested Taco Bell, which was one of my top choices as well given that it's in the parking lot of the Walmart we needed to go to over the weekend. He was excited about it earlier on Saturday, and it was so cute to see his enthusiasm when we finally got to go. He ate his taco like a champ, snacked on some nachos, and eagerly awaited our special treat, the caramel apple empanada that we always share. It's basically just like an apple pie pocket, but it's so good. We always split one. While we were there he was so sweet, so affectionate, and so well-behaved. It was heavenly. And I think Taco Bell has officially become "our place". Who'd have thunk it?
I love that time with him. I suppose it's similar to how that day at Strong Museum went a month ago. He was truly a very good boy that day and really appreciated the experience. It just goes to show that when you only get to do something once in a while, it really does take on a special significance. If we went to the museum every week or ate at Taco Bell all the time, those activities, like everything else, would lose their novelty and fall prey to the same crappy behavior we deal with most of the time. The temptation is to try to do those things more often to enjoy those good times, but unfortunately it doesn't always work like that. When those things become a special treat, you can see him really trying to be appreciative and show how much he's enjoying it. I wish I could bottle that and keep it for a rainy day, but alas, it's a rare and special thing and you never know when it's going to work out like that. But the other night, at a place as simple as Taco Bell, we had our moment. And until this baby comes, I'll take as many of those as I can get.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Fears
I can't lie...as excited as I am about this baby, I am also scared to death. I felt that way last time, too, but with each child the stakes are raised. Not only does our parenting impact one child, but now we'll have two, with the added element of sibling-hood to complicate things even more. We wanted another baby since before Jacob was born, as long as having or raising Jacob didn't prove to be too traumatic. It's been hard, no doubt, but having an only child for over four years has also shown me that the lesson of not being the center of the universe is a valuable one...despite how hard it may be to learn. Having your first child is a total unknown, but having a second gives you the illusion of having been there before...even though in the end it's a total crapshoot of how much of that previous knowledge will come back to you or apply to baby #2. My fears are numerous and a little anxiety-inducing, but rest assured, they're not paralyzing...yet. We'll get through one way or another...but here's what's weighing on my mind these days...
Going early - I was concerned about going into labor early last time, but I never thought it would happen. In the end I had Jacob 10 days early. Fortunately I had about 45 minutes or so (which is still discussed at work from time to time) to go clean off my desk before heading to the hospital, because that took a huge load off my mind. I worry about not having that chance this time around (and I swear, if I came into the office on the way to the hospital again, my boss might kill me), and I have a lot to teach our research assistant at work before I'm gone for a month and a half. There's a lot of complicated stuff that I wasn't doing last time around, so it's going to be a challenge to teach all of that in the next couple months, let alone if that time is cut short. Timing in general is a lot trickier this time around, since obviously there's Jacob to consider. My parents can get here relatively quickly if need be and I'm guessing Lori might be able to help us out in a pinch, but going to the hospital in the middle of the night is far more complicated than it would have been last time. In addition, we still have a lot to do at home to get ready for this baby, and at the moment we have to accomplish certain steps before we can move on to the rest. Last time we could just focus on the baby task at hand, but this time we're working on Jacob's room, the baby's room, and life in general--including all of Jacob's goings-on. He starts soccer this week, for example. We just have more going on and the less time we have to get ready and have things in place, the harder it's all going to be in the long run.
Time for everyone, including me - Having an infant can be all-encompassing. On one level I was a little relieved to go back to work after maternity leave last time, because the round-the-clock care of a baby is exhausting and I was looking forward to having a little time to focus on me, even if it was at work. It was a chance to re-establish my own identity apart from Jacob. So...with that experience in mind, I think about how much time I dedicate to Jacob now. I find it hard to accomplish all I want to on a daily basis and keep everyone happy. It's hard to find a good balance now, let alone with an infant that will be taking over our entire schedule. How can I make sure that Jacob's getting the attention he needs, the baby is taken care of, Craig still feels loved, and I don't lose myself amidst it all? It seems impossible.
Jacob as a big brother - As I've said many times, Jacob can be an awesome kid...but he can also be extremely difficult. Because he's such a wildcard already, I can't quite fathom how things are going to go when he has a brother. He's so used to being the center of attention around here, and despite our best efforts, he's not very patient. Sometimes the baby is going to take priority, and I don't know how he's going to deal with that. Two screaming kids might be insanity-inducing. My biggest fear is that he's going to get violent with the baby, even if it's just something passive-aggressive like "accidentally" throwing a ball at him or squeezing him just a little too tightly. He's already insisting he's not going to hold his brother, and basically says that taking care of him is my job. It's a far cry from most of the other older siblings I've ever seen who are beyond excited and eager to help. Oh, and I'm also wondering how nursing is going to go when Jacob's around and already well aware of "boobies". I don't want to have to cover up all the time because there are things I want to watch for and I want to be able to stare at the baby (and let him stare back), so though it might be a little thing, it's on my mind.
Dealing with a baby's schedule - Like I said, I remember all too well how all-encompassing taking care of a baby can be. They need attention all the time, and during the rare times they don't, your main goal is recovering from the exhaustion. Having to deal with Jacob during that time in addition is going to be difficult, but that's beside the point. As needy as Jacob can be sometimes, I know we've gotten lazy. Jacob can change his clothes by himself, both in the morning and at night. He can play alone really well at times. He sleeps in until about 7:30 or later. He first slept through the night at 10 weeks and has slept through 95% of the time since teething ended. We're spoiled, and we've been out of the baby phase for a long time. On the bright side, we've had a little break from that exhausting phase so hopefully we're refreshed heading back into it, but we've also been out of it long enough that it scares me a little to go back to that. I worry about dealing with every three hour feedings, frequent diaper changes, ill-timed blowouts, being up all night, and trying to get out of the house with one kid that won't listen and another that needs a lot of equipment. I'm not sure how to manage two schedules (or more) that inevitably won't match up. What happens when Jacob needs to be somewhere but the baby needs to eat?
Sleep deprivation - This just sort of rolls into the rest, of course, but sleep deprivation scares me more this time than before. I learned last time around how the lack of sleep impacts my entire outlook on life. If I sleep well, all is right with the world. If I don't, everything is falling apart. I don't like the prospect of having that dynamic impact how I deal with Jacob's ups and downs. In addition, the stuff I do at work is even more detail-oriented and thinking-dependent than it used to be, so it becomes extra hard to do when I'm tired. And even though Jacob is a pretty good sleeper, I feel like I'm already dealing with over four years of sleep deprivation. I suppose it's a combination of staying up a little later to maximize my "me time" after Jacob goes to bed, sleeping less deeply because having a baby tunes you in to every little noise, and missing out on the long weekend sleep-ins I once had. I've gotten used to sleeping in again, albeit until about 8am instead of 11, but the thought of giving that up again in a matter of weeks is scary.
Things not going according to plan - This is sort of an offshoot of the "going early" issue, because that is one possibility within this realm, but I also worry about any issues with my health that might contribute to that, or anything that might be wrong with the baby, either due to going early or just in general. Being in the hospital for an extra week last time was really hard, but this time it would be a huge challenge because Jacob would still be back at home. Since we went through that with Jacob, I've craved a "normal" first week experience where I could get to know my baby at my leisure, rather than having to do it in a less-than-comfortable hospital setting with nurses looking over my shoulder. I want to snuggle my baby on my couch at home, take naps when the baby naps (which was my major downfall last time during that week, leading to a total breakdown), and take as many cute pictures as I can muster in my sleep-deprived haze. Yet as much as I want that time this time, I want a healthy baby even more. God forbid there are any unexpected issues, whether long term or short term. Babies change your life enough, let alone if there's some problem we wouldn't have anticipated. It's scary. Another issue that I worry about popping up is postpartum depression. There's no reason to expect it to strike, but it can come out of nowhere and I worry about that stealing the joy out of those early days. I've read a lot about it in the past few years and know how horribly it can impact totally normal people. It's not a major concern, but it is in the back of my mind.
The baby being too much/too little like Jacob - One of the reasons I wanted to have a girl was because it would start us on a clean slate. I would just assume that raising a girl would be a totally different experience than a boy, so it wouldn't really throw me for a loop as much when things went differently. But with having another boy, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking it's going to go similarly. In reality, I know that this baby could be totally different and yet I don't want that reality to catch me off-guard when it actually happens. On one hand I worry about dealing with some of Jacob's more difficult quirks with another baby, but at the same time I wonder how many bullets we dodged with Jacob that we'll encounter with this baby. For example, Jacob was never much of a climber or cabinet explorer, so we never had to worry about doing a ton of baby-proofing along those lines. I don't want to assume this baby will be the same and have it come back to bite us if he gets into trouble before we're prepared for it. I worry about this baby being a terrible sleeper, having trouble nursing, or being hardcore colicky. We didn't have to deal with those issues (at least not consistently) last time, so I'm nervous about possibly facing those issues again. We've been through a lot of illnesses, and probably missed a handful of them, too, and now we'll be dealing with all of that again...and we'll have two kids to share germs, too. I don't want to fall into the trap of comparing them, but sometimes it seems inevitable.
I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting, but this is enough to think about for now, huh? Rest assured, I'm not preoccupied with all of these issues all of the time, but as I encounter issues along each of these lines that challenge me now, I think about how a baby will complicate things further and I get nervous all over again. At the same time, I do remember that no matter how hard it was to have a baby last time around, I found those early days so rewarding and fulfilling, probably because I didn't have a disobedient kid talking back to me at every turn. I know it's hard, but there was something unique about those early days and I look forward to exploring that time again. I know it's going to be hard, though like last time, I truly have no idea how hard. We'll just have to take things one step at a time around here, and I have (hopefully) two months to prepare myself for the challenge.
Going early - I was concerned about going into labor early last time, but I never thought it would happen. In the end I had Jacob 10 days early. Fortunately I had about 45 minutes or so (which is still discussed at work from time to time) to go clean off my desk before heading to the hospital, because that took a huge load off my mind. I worry about not having that chance this time around (and I swear, if I came into the office on the way to the hospital again, my boss might kill me), and I have a lot to teach our research assistant at work before I'm gone for a month and a half. There's a lot of complicated stuff that I wasn't doing last time around, so it's going to be a challenge to teach all of that in the next couple months, let alone if that time is cut short. Timing in general is a lot trickier this time around, since obviously there's Jacob to consider. My parents can get here relatively quickly if need be and I'm guessing Lori might be able to help us out in a pinch, but going to the hospital in the middle of the night is far more complicated than it would have been last time. In addition, we still have a lot to do at home to get ready for this baby, and at the moment we have to accomplish certain steps before we can move on to the rest. Last time we could just focus on the baby task at hand, but this time we're working on Jacob's room, the baby's room, and life in general--including all of Jacob's goings-on. He starts soccer this week, for example. We just have more going on and the less time we have to get ready and have things in place, the harder it's all going to be in the long run.
Time for everyone, including me - Having an infant can be all-encompassing. On one level I was a little relieved to go back to work after maternity leave last time, because the round-the-clock care of a baby is exhausting and I was looking forward to having a little time to focus on me, even if it was at work. It was a chance to re-establish my own identity apart from Jacob. So...with that experience in mind, I think about how much time I dedicate to Jacob now. I find it hard to accomplish all I want to on a daily basis and keep everyone happy. It's hard to find a good balance now, let alone with an infant that will be taking over our entire schedule. How can I make sure that Jacob's getting the attention he needs, the baby is taken care of, Craig still feels loved, and I don't lose myself amidst it all? It seems impossible.
Jacob as a big brother - As I've said many times, Jacob can be an awesome kid...but he can also be extremely difficult. Because he's such a wildcard already, I can't quite fathom how things are going to go when he has a brother. He's so used to being the center of attention around here, and despite our best efforts, he's not very patient. Sometimes the baby is going to take priority, and I don't know how he's going to deal with that. Two screaming kids might be insanity-inducing. My biggest fear is that he's going to get violent with the baby, even if it's just something passive-aggressive like "accidentally" throwing a ball at him or squeezing him just a little too tightly. He's already insisting he's not going to hold his brother, and basically says that taking care of him is my job. It's a far cry from most of the other older siblings I've ever seen who are beyond excited and eager to help. Oh, and I'm also wondering how nursing is going to go when Jacob's around and already well aware of "boobies". I don't want to have to cover up all the time because there are things I want to watch for and I want to be able to stare at the baby (and let him stare back), so though it might be a little thing, it's on my mind.
Dealing with a baby's schedule - Like I said, I remember all too well how all-encompassing taking care of a baby can be. They need attention all the time, and during the rare times they don't, your main goal is recovering from the exhaustion. Having to deal with Jacob during that time in addition is going to be difficult, but that's beside the point. As needy as Jacob can be sometimes, I know we've gotten lazy. Jacob can change his clothes by himself, both in the morning and at night. He can play alone really well at times. He sleeps in until about 7:30 or later. He first slept through the night at 10 weeks and has slept through 95% of the time since teething ended. We're spoiled, and we've been out of the baby phase for a long time. On the bright side, we've had a little break from that exhausting phase so hopefully we're refreshed heading back into it, but we've also been out of it long enough that it scares me a little to go back to that. I worry about dealing with every three hour feedings, frequent diaper changes, ill-timed blowouts, being up all night, and trying to get out of the house with one kid that won't listen and another that needs a lot of equipment. I'm not sure how to manage two schedules (or more) that inevitably won't match up. What happens when Jacob needs to be somewhere but the baby needs to eat?
Sleep deprivation - This just sort of rolls into the rest, of course, but sleep deprivation scares me more this time than before. I learned last time around how the lack of sleep impacts my entire outlook on life. If I sleep well, all is right with the world. If I don't, everything is falling apart. I don't like the prospect of having that dynamic impact how I deal with Jacob's ups and downs. In addition, the stuff I do at work is even more detail-oriented and thinking-dependent than it used to be, so it becomes extra hard to do when I'm tired. And even though Jacob is a pretty good sleeper, I feel like I'm already dealing with over four years of sleep deprivation. I suppose it's a combination of staying up a little later to maximize my "me time" after Jacob goes to bed, sleeping less deeply because having a baby tunes you in to every little noise, and missing out on the long weekend sleep-ins I once had. I've gotten used to sleeping in again, albeit until about 8am instead of 11, but the thought of giving that up again in a matter of weeks is scary.
Things not going according to plan - This is sort of an offshoot of the "going early" issue, because that is one possibility within this realm, but I also worry about any issues with my health that might contribute to that, or anything that might be wrong with the baby, either due to going early or just in general. Being in the hospital for an extra week last time was really hard, but this time it would be a huge challenge because Jacob would still be back at home. Since we went through that with Jacob, I've craved a "normal" first week experience where I could get to know my baby at my leisure, rather than having to do it in a less-than-comfortable hospital setting with nurses looking over my shoulder. I want to snuggle my baby on my couch at home, take naps when the baby naps (which was my major downfall last time during that week, leading to a total breakdown), and take as many cute pictures as I can muster in my sleep-deprived haze. Yet as much as I want that time this time, I want a healthy baby even more. God forbid there are any unexpected issues, whether long term or short term. Babies change your life enough, let alone if there's some problem we wouldn't have anticipated. It's scary. Another issue that I worry about popping up is postpartum depression. There's no reason to expect it to strike, but it can come out of nowhere and I worry about that stealing the joy out of those early days. I've read a lot about it in the past few years and know how horribly it can impact totally normal people. It's not a major concern, but it is in the back of my mind.
The baby being too much/too little like Jacob - One of the reasons I wanted to have a girl was because it would start us on a clean slate. I would just assume that raising a girl would be a totally different experience than a boy, so it wouldn't really throw me for a loop as much when things went differently. But with having another boy, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking it's going to go similarly. In reality, I know that this baby could be totally different and yet I don't want that reality to catch me off-guard when it actually happens. On one hand I worry about dealing with some of Jacob's more difficult quirks with another baby, but at the same time I wonder how many bullets we dodged with Jacob that we'll encounter with this baby. For example, Jacob was never much of a climber or cabinet explorer, so we never had to worry about doing a ton of baby-proofing along those lines. I don't want to assume this baby will be the same and have it come back to bite us if he gets into trouble before we're prepared for it. I worry about this baby being a terrible sleeper, having trouble nursing, or being hardcore colicky. We didn't have to deal with those issues (at least not consistently) last time, so I'm nervous about possibly facing those issues again. We've been through a lot of illnesses, and probably missed a handful of them, too, and now we'll be dealing with all of that again...and we'll have two kids to share germs, too. I don't want to fall into the trap of comparing them, but sometimes it seems inevitable.
I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting, but this is enough to think about for now, huh? Rest assured, I'm not preoccupied with all of these issues all of the time, but as I encounter issues along each of these lines that challenge me now, I think about how a baby will complicate things further and I get nervous all over again. At the same time, I do remember that no matter how hard it was to have a baby last time around, I found those early days so rewarding and fulfilling, probably because I didn't have a disobedient kid talking back to me at every turn. I know it's hard, but there was something unique about those early days and I look forward to exploring that time again. I know it's going to be hard, though like last time, I truly have no idea how hard. We'll just have to take things one step at a time around here, and I have (hopefully) two months to prepare myself for the challenge.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Naptime and the New Room
Slowly but surely Jacob's new room is coming along. We're still mostly on hold because his furniture still hasn't shipped nearly a week later, despite both sites saying that the packages will arrive by next weekend. Hmmm. However, we sorted through the rest of his books today and moved over all of the books he wanted in his room. The rest are still on the other shelf, waiting for the baby. I also emptied out most of the toys from the bookshelf cabinet (the rest may have to wait for the underbed storage to arrive), and all of his "crap" toys (Happy Meal toys, etc.) fit easily in one of the bins in his new shelf. His main toys still take over the living room and most will have to move upstairs by the time this baby is mobile, but we have a good chunk of closet space to work with, along with that underbed storage, so I think we'll be in good shape for now. That's the funny thing about "opening up" an additional room in your house...suddenly you have a whole new set of spaces to work with and things can find more sensible new homes. We never really let the guest room become a dumping ground because we knew someday it would get filled up with Jacob's stuff, but it's nice to finally have that space to work with. The crawl space has gotten a little fuller, but I think it's still reasonable and some of that stuff could get dumped if we ever have to move again...but no sense rushing into it now. Anyway, Jacob's room won't be over-the-top cool--no fancy paint job or secret nook--but I think it will be fun and will suit him very well. It'll be nice to get some things up on the wall once the furniture is in and helps us finalize the layout. If nothing else, in the meantime it's fun to have a new space to hang out in after more than 2-1/2 years in this house.
Jacob has been up and down with his behavior in the last few weeks. He has moments of awesome and moments of complete ridiculousness. He has showed a bit of his spoiled side around the holidays, as he's constantly asking for things and acting completely entitled. I never wanted to think he was spoiled, but ultimately he is...thanks to generous family and at least one parent that bends over backwards to give him as fulfilling an existence as possible. I will refrain from saying which of us it is, but I suppose in the end we've both had moments of wanting to make dreams come true, or finding a way to get things done, or doing something in the name of enhancing his life experiences...but in the end he's probably spoiled. Which, incidentally, is why I held off on giving him the giant Lego set we got as the bike replacement for Christmas. All that he got was plenty, so there was no need to do more, even though he would have no doubt loved it. Anyway, there are times where he's awesome--sweet, obedient, engaging, smart, and independent. His daycare reviews have actually been great for a few weeks now. But then he has moments where he refuses to listen and will not just obey us because it's the right thing to do. He battles, ignores, and throws tantrums, sometimes to extremes. He demands things, knowingly says hurtful things, and complains about the most mundane, routine parts of daily life. The Jekyll and Hyde act is tough, but the moments when things go well are great, and remind me why being a parent can be so fun. Today was mostly one of those days. Jacob and I are flying solo since Craig is on his first roadtrip of the Knighthawks season, and other than a couple disobedient streaks, we had a great day.
One funny moment today had to do with naptime. Over Christmas break Jacob had battled us at naptime. He'd stay awake and constantly ask to get up. It was annoying and wasn't giving us the break we neededeither, so by the end I decided maybe it was time to give up on the nap and move on to "quiet time", which I've seen a lot of bloggers talk about when their kids hit this stage. They don't make them nap, but they must spend time in their room, alone, to chill out a bit. And if they happen to fall asleep, so be it. One blogger I read has actually posted a hilarious, ongoing series of pictures of her daughter (a couple months older than Jacob) who gave up her nap months ago but has fallen asleep in random places on many an afternoon. Jacob did manage to stay awake a few times, but the one day he fell asleep on the ride to dinner, and he's had moments where you can tell the sleep would have done him good. The first time we did the "quiet time" thing, I told him he needed to stay in his room for an hour. He could read, but he couldn't play sports. He kept coming out, however, so I made him stay there for another 15 minutes. When he didn't bug us after the 15 minutes were up, I wasn't in a rush to go get him since he was playing nicely. Sometime after that we heard silence, and sure enough, he was out. He was snuggled up in his bed. Today I encouraged him to work on a big puzzle while he was up there for an hour. He made a lot of trips out of the room yet again, but near the end he was still working on the puzzle. Again, since he was playing nicely I wasn't in a rush to release him, and within 15 minutes after the end of the hour, I heard silence...and once again, he was sleeping. This time he was laid out on the floor next to the puzzle, and he slept for nearly two hours. It reminded me a bit of that old commercial for carpet where a baby was fussing, and the second the dad set him down on the cozy new carpet to free up his hands for a second, the baby passed out. The moral of this story is that while Jacob no longer needs his nap, it's still not something he can totally shake. He can get through without it, but his body still finds it useful at times. It probably makes bedtime a bit more of a challenge, but it's a delicate balance at this point so I guess that's the price we pay. The quiet time lets his body make that choice, so we'll just see how it goes each weekend. No sense forcing it at this point since we'd only have a few more months of it at best. Kindergarten awaits!
Suffice it to say that life with Jacob is a series of new adventures these days...and this is only the beginning!
Jacob has been up and down with his behavior in the last few weeks. He has moments of awesome and moments of complete ridiculousness. He has showed a bit of his spoiled side around the holidays, as he's constantly asking for things and acting completely entitled. I never wanted to think he was spoiled, but ultimately he is...thanks to generous family and at least one parent that bends over backwards to give him as fulfilling an existence as possible. I will refrain from saying which of us it is, but I suppose in the end we've both had moments of wanting to make dreams come true, or finding a way to get things done, or doing something in the name of enhancing his life experiences...but in the end he's probably spoiled. Which, incidentally, is why I held off on giving him the giant Lego set we got as the bike replacement for Christmas. All that he got was plenty, so there was no need to do more, even though he would have no doubt loved it. Anyway, there are times where he's awesome--sweet, obedient, engaging, smart, and independent. His daycare reviews have actually been great for a few weeks now. But then he has moments where he refuses to listen and will not just obey us because it's the right thing to do. He battles, ignores, and throws tantrums, sometimes to extremes. He demands things, knowingly says hurtful things, and complains about the most mundane, routine parts of daily life. The Jekyll and Hyde act is tough, but the moments when things go well are great, and remind me why being a parent can be so fun. Today was mostly one of those days. Jacob and I are flying solo since Craig is on his first roadtrip of the Knighthawks season, and other than a couple disobedient streaks, we had a great day.
One funny moment today had to do with naptime. Over Christmas break Jacob had battled us at naptime. He'd stay awake and constantly ask to get up. It was annoying and wasn't giving us the break we neededeither, so by the end I decided maybe it was time to give up on the nap and move on to "quiet time", which I've seen a lot of bloggers talk about when their kids hit this stage. They don't make them nap, but they must spend time in their room, alone, to chill out a bit. And if they happen to fall asleep, so be it. One blogger I read has actually posted a hilarious, ongoing series of pictures of her daughter (a couple months older than Jacob) who gave up her nap months ago but has fallen asleep in random places on many an afternoon. Jacob did manage to stay awake a few times, but the one day he fell asleep on the ride to dinner, and he's had moments where you can tell the sleep would have done him good. The first time we did the "quiet time" thing, I told him he needed to stay in his room for an hour. He could read, but he couldn't play sports. He kept coming out, however, so I made him stay there for another 15 minutes. When he didn't bug us after the 15 minutes were up, I wasn't in a rush to go get him since he was playing nicely. Sometime after that we heard silence, and sure enough, he was out. He was snuggled up in his bed. Today I encouraged him to work on a big puzzle while he was up there for an hour. He made a lot of trips out of the room yet again, but near the end he was still working on the puzzle. Again, since he was playing nicely I wasn't in a rush to release him, and within 15 minutes after the end of the hour, I heard silence...and once again, he was sleeping. This time he was laid out on the floor next to the puzzle, and he slept for nearly two hours. It reminded me a bit of that old commercial for carpet where a baby was fussing, and the second the dad set him down on the cozy new carpet to free up his hands for a second, the baby passed out. The moral of this story is that while Jacob no longer needs his nap, it's still not something he can totally shake. He can get through without it, but his body still finds it useful at times. It probably makes bedtime a bit more of a challenge, but it's a delicate balance at this point so I guess that's the price we pay. The quiet time lets his body make that choice, so we'll just see how it goes each weekend. No sense forcing it at this point since we'd only have a few more months of it at best. Kindergarten awaits!
Suffice it to say that life with Jacob is a series of new adventures these days...and this is only the beginning!
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