Third Birthday, Take 1

Thanks to having his birthday on a Monday this year, Jacob managed to get in three days of birthday celebrating.  We are still recovering.  I have at least half a dozen big tasks still waiting for me at home from the weekend, on top of the handful of things I did the past two nights in the couple hours I had each night.  It's been a busy few days and I feel bad that Jacob has barely had time to play with his birthday gifts since we've been away from home so much since Sunday.  The weekend went by in a flash, and here's the first part:

I started the major prepwork Friday morning when I put two pork tenderloins in my slow cooker with a bunch of root beer to cook all day.  It seemed to cook up well, shredded beautifully, and was put in the fridge with some BBQ sauce to wait for the second batch, which I was going to do overnight from Friday to Saturday.  Friday night the boys went to a little informal picnic at our friends' house, which gave me hours of uninterrupted time to do some running around and baking in preparation for Saturday.  I had two layers of cake to bake, a rice krispie lacrosse stick to make, and lots of other miscellaneous stuff to do.  I did get a lot done that night, but I knew things weren't going to go 100% perfectly when the second layer of cake started crumbling right out of the pan.  I decided to go with the egg-free recipe even though our nephew wasn't going to be there, just because it's lower in fat and it doesn't puff up much--which was good in this case because I was doing a two-layer cake.  The first layer came out perfectly, but the second layer was a mess.  Still, I let it be overnight and figured I'd tackle it again in the morning.

In the morning, Craig and Jacob ran out to get Jacob's hair cut.  He desperately needed one and I never got up the nerve to pull out the trimmers and try it myself.  It gave me some time to get some more work done, and because the barber is right next to Wegmans, I gave Craig a short list of things to buy--including more frosting.  When they came home, I was excited to see how handsome and grown up Jacob looked with his haircut.  Were it not for the crazy amount of money they charge, I would take him every month if I could!

It became apparent pretty quickly that the cake was not going to go well, but I persisted and tried to cobble it together with frosting.  Eventually there was so much frosting that it weighed everything down and it was falling apart more by the second.  At that point I was in tears and I sent Craig out to the store to pick up a premade cake.  I felt so defeated.  I had been looking forward to this for so long and I failed miserably.  I told Craig not to get it too decorated, as I wanted to still try to use the lacrosse stick as a decoration.  The cake he got was very nice, but with the decorative trim it did have, the stick wouldn't fit so I relegated that to the top of the pan of rice krispie treats.  Of course, I then had to write on the new cake myself, which has never been my forte.  It was a whipped cream cake, and the warm house and cold cake created condensation on the frosting.  As much as I tried to sop it up, the gel icing still ran when I wrote.  Ugh.  Two cakes ruined in less than two hours.  Awesome. 

I was pretty unhappy at that point, but I decided to have a beverage to relax a bit and figured there wasn't anything more I could do at that point.  The food was looking good--the second round of pulled pork went great and it all heated up very well, and I discovered that I could make salt potatoes--so at least I had that going for me.  It was also a fantastic day.  Apparently the weather gods are making it up to us for giving us a cold, rainy day for Jacob's first birthday, as we've now had two good years in a row.  The pool was open and clear but still a little dirty and cold.  It did get a little use, though, so I guess it was worth getting it open and ready-ish!

Just before dinner we did gifts.  Here's Jacob getting ready to open:

Pardon the sunglasses...they're a little large but they were the only ones handy that day.  I actually found them in a box of random stuff at my grandma's house during the winter, and figured it never hurts to have an extra pair.

Jacob got a lot of great gifts.  He got some clothes, a wheelie ball (inflatable ball-frisbee thing), a velcro catch and toss game, and some fun big gifts...including roller skates and the necessary padding from Grandma and Grandpa:

He was very excited about these and was ready to forego the rest of his gift opening as soon as he saw these!  Lori wasn't sure what to get him (and to be fair, neither was I), so she went out on a limb and got him a guitar and microphone (more on that in a bit) and some Megablocks:

I think we're slowly but surely getting out of the cheesy face phase.  He still does it but seems to be getting better at real smiles...even if they don't last long!

After presents we ate dinner, which went fabulously.  It's nice to know I can pull off pulled pork and salt potatoes that easily!  The guests also made delicious contributions, and we had a fantastic feast!  Afterward we did cake.  Thank goodness it tasted good because it was still disappointing...even if the immediate sting had given way to resignation.  Here's Jacob blowing out his candles--which he did very well, all by himself!

You can see the lacrosse stick in the background.  It turned out ok and I will probably revisit it another year, with modifications--both to the cake (duh) and the stick itself.  Rice krispie treats are a tough medium to mold with because you only have so much time before they start to stiffen up.  Oh, and as a side note, Jacob referred to the strings of icing around the edges of the cake as worms.  Pretty funny :)

After cake (which Jacob loved), it was time to test out the skates.  We gave him one of his gifts from us early, his bike helmet, and got him all outfitted in his skates, helmet and padding.

Here he is skating with Grandma and Grandpa:

Between the skates and the helmet, he looks so tall!

He did a great job on the skates, even when we set them to mode #2, which doesn't lock any wheels but prevents backward motion.  He held on to hands most of the time, so any near falls weren't actual falls, but he could move himself very well all things considered.

After skating we headed back to the yard again.  Jacob played baseball for a while...

Doesn't he look like such a big boy here?

And then he got back to playing with his guitar, which I had missed earlier while getting dinner ready.  He took to it right away, apparently, and he was totally cracking me up when I finally saw it. 

I have video of my own, but here are a couple links to some of his earlier attempts for now:

https://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1785298233985&comments

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=d233856181c88d84&sid=0AbtW7Js5csmTC7A

I'm not positive either of those will work, but we shall see.  I'll post my video another day.

Anyway, we wrapped up the night with a quick cleanup, a bath for Jacob, and a lot of prepping for a busy day on Sunday...another birthday party and Father's Day, too!

Three

Dear Jacob,

I can't believe you turn three today.  Over the years I've seen a lot of bloggers do this sort of "birthday letter", and while I've never done one for you before, perhaps now it seems more logical to me since you actually talk a lot now and would have a decent shot at understanding at least part of what I write.  I know that if you do ever read this it won't be until you're old enough to understand it all, as would have been the case with any of the last two birthday letters I never wrote, but I suppose that this whole blog is one big letter to the older you, among other things.  At the very least it's a labor of love, an attempt to record some of the little details and fun stories and random thoughts that have come into our world in the last three years and six months.

This blog has included the good and the bad, for sure, and I won't lie--there's been a lot of both.  Fortunately nothing too horrible, but you are a definite challenge.  You always have been, in one way or another, but I think as you get older, the things we find challenging now will eventually serve you well out in the world.  You're a determined little boy, that's for sure, and I hope someday you will use that determination to attain whatever it is that you want out of life.  You're not a major risk taker, though, which keeps Mommy sane right now...but I do hope that you'll outgrow at least a bit of the fear and channel that hesitance into some good, solid decision-making as you grow up--weighing the risks and taking the best route. 

You are really a chatterbox these days, talking mostly about sports but once in a while coming up with the cutest stuff.  You know a lot of songs and every once in a while your interpretation is hilarious.  The other day you were eating an English muffin and you started singing Little Miss Muffet...except that you substituted the English muffin in Little Miss Muffet's place.  You do tend to make up a lot of words or change words around to see if we're paying attention.  You test us every chance you get, both with your challenging behaviors and with other things--like when you're putting on pants and say, "Tag in the front, right?", knowing full well that the tag belongs in the back.  I could do without some of the testing, but when you knock it off, you're such a cool kid.

You love sports so much, which means you're a chip off the ol' block for sure.  Any time I start to tire of the constant barrage of sports talk/activities, I remind myself that it beats some of the annoying kiddie shows, characters, and toys that I'm sure a lot of your friends enjoy.  You seem to be more aware of branded stuff like that now (particularly with the hand-me-down PJs and t-shirts you got from your cousins, like Spiderman and Thomas and Cars), but you're not totally into it.  Your favorite movies are still sports, and we only keep three shows on the DVR for you--Sesame Street, Chuggington, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Maybe we should branch out, but it seems to work for us for now.  We do find it amusing when think your cousins' Power Rangers are sports guys.  Heck, you thought the mask you found at their house was a goalie mask.  Please keep thinking that, and don't ever ask to watch the show.  You're better off with real sports, I promise. 

I can see how proud Daddy is when he watches you play or hears you talk about sports.  He loves your passion.  I know he hopes that you'll take it even farther than he did and find more success than he had, but for now we're just happy to watch you learn and improve.  And if for some strange reason you suddenly lose interest, that will be okay too, as long as you transfer that energy and passion into something else.  Musicians are cool, too.  And judging by how much you loved the guitar/microphone set you got for your birthday, that may not be too far off!

I just can't get over how much you've grown, though I'll admit that I don't always notice it unless I have a point of reference--old clothes, pictures, my own arms--but sure enough, what a big boy you've become.  I can't keep you in long-sleeved shirts, and pants get short before you ever fit in them at the waist.  You're definitely daddy's boy, tall and thin.  You're more than half my height already!  You've definitely got my dark brown eyes, and everyone remarks at how blond you are.  We both had pretty light hair as kids, too, so someday you'll probably have brown hair like us...which is funny to think about since most of your life you've been the blond one!  You're a good mix of both of us in general, though I think more and more you're looking like Daddy.  The dimple alone is definitely him!

You don't look significantly different to me this year than you did last year, though I know you are so much more of a little boy.  The changes in this past year we more subtle...more coordination (but you're still so clumsy!), and a lot more communication skills.  Not only do you talk more, but you understand a lot more, too.  It's fun to see you comprehend things for the first time.  I got such a kick out of you blowing out your candles by yourself at your parties and smiling from ear to ear when you got sang to at the restaurant on your birthday.  You converse rather well a lot of the time and even know how to make jokes.  It's such a subtle change, but it turns you into a totally different child.  I do wish that logic worked with you a little more often, but I'll take what I can get.

This coming year is going to be a big year for you.  Presumably sometime in the next year you'll be totally potty trained (and finally get the lacrosse net we've been talking about for months), and maybe you'll even become a big brother by your next birthday.  If not, you'll still probably come close and start working on some of the steps before big-brotherhood, like moving into a new big boy bedroom and sleeping in a real big boy bed, not just your converted crib.  You might get to start playing real sports, and you're probably going to learn so much at daycare.  I bet you'll learn to recognize more letters and numbers, and maybe you'll even start coloring in the lines--or make a recognizable picture!  I'm so excited to watch you keep learning.  Just seeing you learn songs and pick up concepts is so fun! 

You still have so much ahead of you and I can't wait to see it all.  I may be a more tired, stressed out person than I was three years ago when you came into our lives, but I also think I'm more well-rounded, more loved and more able to love than I ever have been.  You have taught me more than I could ever imagine.  Your laugh and your smile bring me such joy, and getting kisses and real hugs from you are two of my favorite things.  And when you pop out with a random, "I love you Mommy," all is right with the world.  Thank you for the joy and excitement you bring into our lives, and happy birthday to our sweet little man.  We love you Jacob!

Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

Thursday News & Notes

- I felt incredibly guilty yesterday morning when Jacob asked to wear big boy underwear and I had to tell him no.  He was an amazingly sweet and wonderful child when I came in to get him and he had managed to stay dry in underwear for hours the night before.  If we were hanging out at home all day, I would have certainly said yes.  However, I talked to his teacher at daycare about trying out big boy underwear with the plastic pants, and got a hesitant "no".  The teacher said that if it were just her, she'd be fine with it.  But if the "daycare police" come through and anything smells like urine (i.e., the carpet in his classroom), that would be a problem.  Even though I think he's making progress (knock on wood--hopefully I didn't just jinx it), I still think the pull-ups don't remind him that he's wet.  He knows pretty darn quickly in underwear, though, and I think that might be the key to all of this.  Even still, he's doing pretty decently at keeping his pull-up dry when he's at daycare, and it breaks my heart that we can't keep up the process all day with big boy underwear there.  He wants it so bad, and I think mentally he's getting there.  He did come to me in a panic shortly after I got him up because he had to poop, and he did fantastically.  It doesn't work that way all the time, but the steps seem to be generally moving in the right direction. 

- I have about a million things on my to do list for Saturday's birthday party.  I finally wrapped gifts last night and bought a couple more food items off the list, but I really need to strategize how I'm going to cook all of this pulled pork, bake two layers of cake, and make the rice krispie treats that will form the lacrosse stick on the top of the cake.  Oh, and the cake will need time to cool so I can frost and decorate it, which will probably all need to wait until Saturday morning...which leaves little time for error.  There are a handful of food items that need to wait until the last minute, so I can't even tackle that until at least Friday night.  I'm also planning on putting together a simple salad and trying to cook salt potatoes for the first time...also both Saturday morning escapades.  I want to get out and do some trimming in the backyard, buy balloons to decorate the patio, and will probably have to delegate pool toy inflation/cleaning to Craig, who is already busy with vacuuming and maintaining the pool's crystal clear water (yes!), among other things.  We also need to buy and wrap gifts for our niece and nephew, whose party is Sunday...in Buffalo.  And I need to figure out how I'm going to make a little extra cake (from a fun recipe!) for Jacob's little portion of their party on Sunday once we arrive in Buffalo.  See, there's a graduation party in Craig's family on Saturday as well, so rather than try to find another date that worked for everyone (impossible!) we just figured we'd tag along with the twins' party.  Not ideal, but it works.  I just want to make sure everyone gets a chance to celebrate Jacob, too.  It's not his fault we live far away or that his parents don't plan far enough in advance to beat out the other invites.  It's a lot to do, and as a result I spend my days at my desk staring down my to do list and freaking out.  My boss is off Friday and working from another office on Monday, so it doesn't look like there's too much hope for taking off either day to prepare before or rest after.  Ugh.

- In the midst of this weekend's activities, I'm trying to figure out what I should do for Jacob's birthday at daycare.  He shares a birthday with one of his classmates, and another has a birthday the next day.  A third turns three over the following weekend, so it's going to be a busy week or so in his classroom.  Last year I just did cupcakes with a light icing (so as to conform to the "not a lot of frosting" request from his teachers), but since then a lot of kids have gone the goodie bag route.  Also, peanuts have been banned from the building so it makes treats a little trickier.  Lori suggested I make some rice krispie treats, which isn't a half bad idea.  I'd like to do one little takeaway item, too, but with 10 kids I don't want to be spending a ton.  He's only almost-three and doesn't really get the whole "keeping up with the Joneses" thing yet, so it probably doesn't matter.  But if there's an easy, cheap way to do what I want, I'm willing to try.  Ultimately I'm thinking rice krispie treats for in class and maybe a little token toy and one of the Wegmans fruit strips for a take-home treat.  Jacob loves them, they're all natural, and they'd be easy to tie to the toy with curly ribbon.  We'll see.

- The big boy bed experiment has been going well.  He hasn't fallen out since those original two instances I mentioned, and he hasn't been attempting to escape at night.  He has had a couple more excuse-laden evenings, but I suppose with the opportunity for added mobility comes the desire to test out the theory.  Incidentally, I've decided that one of the biggest conundrums of parenthood happens when your kid has to pee at bedtime.  On one hand, you want to squash any attempts at pushing back bedtime.  It usually seems like just another thing to add on to the request for water or help with blankets or comforting from the scary shadows, but what if it's not?  At this point he's still in a diaper so part of me wants to be like, you've been peeing in your diaper this long, do it again now.  But on the other hand, we're working hard on potty training, so that's not really the right response.  Also, when he is in big boy underwear at night, we won't really have a choice but to let him, for fear he'll pee the bed.  And no one wants that.  You can force them to go right before bed, but there's no guarantee that they won't truly have to go again.  I've been trying to say no to water requests at bedtime, too, in working toward those dry nights, but again, can you really deny your kid water when they might be genuinely thirsty?  Tough call.  I know a dry mouth can bug me at night, so why not him?  I suppose I can leverage the water against the big boy underwear at some point--"Are you sure you want that water?  If so, you'll have to wear a pull-up because it'll make you pee the bed."--but for now that's a pretty empty threat since he's wearing a diaper anyway. 

- The other day I made the mistake of explaining a little too much about Jacob's big boy bed and his big boy room.  I said that he'd get a bigger big boy bed and move into the "green room" (his future room has green carpet at the moment) when he was going to get a brother or sister.  Somehow we got on the topic of toys, and how he could share some of his baby toys with the baby.  At first he sounded okay with it, and then a day or two later he decided he didn't want to share.  He also started talking about "the baby that's coming to our house" and I had to assure him that it wasn't happening for a long time. The last thing I need him doing is running around telling people about a baby coming to our house because I can see that setting off a whole lot of confusion.  I can only imagine the amount of stuff that daycare teachers have to filter out before they decide that something is worth asking the parents about.  If Jacob is any indication, there must be hundreds of stories they hear over any given week that sound like a whole lotta craziness.

- Have I mentioned that Jacob is loving the homemade popsicles I created?  Ever since last summer he's enjoyed smoothies for breakfast on the weekends.  I give him a smoothie in a fun cup with a fun straw, along with a bowl of cereal, and he's a happy camper.  The smoothies are usually strawberries, bananas, yogurt, milk, and maybe a little honey, along with some ice if none of the fruit is frozen.  He loves them.  I make them in a little mini-blender, similar to the Silver Bullet one that made the infomercial rounds and is now available everywhere.  I love mine, one I got at JC Penney for a fraction of the list price, though I do think I need to sharpen the blades a bit as we're getting a few more chunks of unblended fruit these days.  Anyway, I came across a couple popsicle recipes from the blogs I read, and the last time we were up in Toronto I picked up a set of popsicle molds for a couple bucks.  They're actually perfect for what we need--about 1/4 cup each, and the sticks have holes in them so the popsicle adheres well.  I just blend up a 1-1/4 cup of whatever I want, pour it in, and freeze.  My first batch was similar to our usual smoothies.  I gave Jacob one for dessert one night after he ate well at dinner, and ever since he's been hooked.  Our first batch ran out and I made another with some leftover melon and berries I had frozen, so I'm excited to see how those turn out, as I hear melon freezes well due to its high water content.  I didn't have quite enough to fill all six, though, so I experimented with yogurt, chocolate syrup and a little milk in the last one.  I'm interested to see if it comes out tasting like a jello pudding pop or a fudgsicle or something like that.  I plan on doing a full batch with banana added to the mix at some point.  It's really fun and the possibilities are endless.  Yes, there's some sugar from the yogurt (low-fat vanilla, can't do plain) and honey if I add it (plus the natural fruit sugars), but most of what's going in them is natural and healthy.  It's a win-win for both of us!

So...yeah, lots going on in our world.  Should be an interesting few days...

Stunted Summer

I don't know what it is, but I feel like it's taking forever this year to get summer going.  It's mid-June, Jacob's birthday is less than a week away, and ugh...it just feels like we should have packed a lot more into the past month and a half.  The weather doesn't stay nice around here for too long, so we need to pack all of the fun we can into the next three months or so. 

I'm not sure what the biggest culprit is, but I'm sure the weather, Craig's trip to Prague, and my brain are all contributors.  While we've had a nice string of good weather recently (aside from today), it took a long time for the weather to get warm and stay that way.  We had a ton of rain, and it just seems to have set everything back.  I swear half of the stuff in my flower beds is diseased, and I can't help but wonder if that's a product of the crappy weather we had for so long.  We got a major head start last year, which was great, and I know we had a cool spell after that, but it just seemed like everything was so slow to come alive this year, and now some of it is dying off mysteriously.  Brutal.

Craig's trip was only 10 days, but that's a lifetime in late springtime when you want to get your yard up and running.  It pushed back the pool opening (it should be ready but chilly-ish within the next day or so), and it took a while to get the yard under control.  Not having Craig around made it tough to find the time to do the stuff I needed to do (generally weeding and trimming), and by the time he was back a lot of it was more out of control that I would have liked.  I do think we've recovered nicely. 

I don't know for sure, but sometimes I wonder if Jacob's birthday set us on a path for this delayed summer feeling forever.  I don't think so, but here's my issue.  When I was pregnant, everything was focused on the end of June.  We were so busy getting ready for his arrival that a good month or more of summer-ish stuff came and went, and we were probably too distracted to really notice.  It's not that we didn't do fun things--we did--but it's hard to sit back and savor the summer when you're spending evenings putting together furniture and generally preparing for a major life change (and making arrangements in light of the many otherwise unproductive months that follow).  In the years since, I think we have two major events highlighted on our calendar at this time of year--one is Memorial Day, and the other is Jacob's birthday.  Leading up to Memorial Day, it's all about looking forward to the day off and planning how we want to spend the day.  Jacob's birthday is just a few weeks after that, and a lot of that time is spent planning his party, finding gifts, etc.  We also have our three other niece/nephew birthdays in that span as well, so let's just say we find plenty of ways to keep busy.  And suddenly it's Jacob's birthday, then the 4th of July is just a couple weeks after that, and suddenly the summer that seemed so open and so full of promise just a little over a month earlier on Memorial Day, is now at its peak and the rush is on to cram it full, or... ummm...rather, savor every moment before it's over.

It probably also doesn't help that Jacob's birthday pretty much hits at the peak of summer daylight, which means every day after the next day will be shorter.  Boo.  I still remember being a little bummed not being able to enjoy the longest day after Jacob was born--being stuck in the hospital, awake at all hours, very preoccupied.  I know it all means nothing, really, because we've got a good couple months ahead of us, but it feels like summer is slipping away.  So much to do, so little time.  We have a vacation to plan, parties to attend, games to watch, and finally a clear pool to swim in. 

But as usual, most of the summer will be taken up by work and all the other un-fun things we do on a regular basis.  Evenings are busy, but once Jacob's in bed we need to step away from the TV (oh, Big Brother, how you suck us in) and enjoy our backyard or our new front porch furniture.  I want to swim and ride my bike and eat outside.  We want to go to the drive-in, enjoy the zoo, take wagon rides/walks, and get in plenty of outdoor playtime.  I get frustrated when I read some of the blogs I frequent, many of which are written by freelance writers who apparently have time to do fun things, create amazing little crafty projects, feed their families real food, and make fun treats, probably all in the name of research.  I beat myself up about it, but I'm a full time, out-of-home working mom, and if I ever want to sit for a bit, there just isn't time to do it all.  Still, I did manage to go to the gym tonight, come home and make a couple different types of popsicles in my IKEA popsicle molds, and still have time to do some research for the food for Jacob's party.  Still, I have a ton to do.  Good thing it's too cool tonight to feel guilty about not enjoying the porch!

But I know that too many nights of that, and the summer will slip away.  It always goes too quickly, and I'm nervous this one will be no exception.  Hopefully lots of fun is to come...

Big Boy Bed

I've been talking about it for ages, it seems, but I decided that it was finally time to do the big boy bed transition with Jacob's third birthday on the horizon.  I hadn't bothered until now because he hadn't tried climbing out of it (other than once when he fell out during a tantrum at 18 months) and conventional wisdom dictates that you keep them in there as long as they will stay!  However, I'll admit it's getting harder to pick him up and get him over the side rail, and it is nice to think of him being able to climb into bed when he wants to sleep or read or grab an animal.  I also know that I'd like to get him accustomed to a big boy bed in a familiar setting before we someday have to make the switch to a real big boy bed in a big boy room.  And if the goal is to make the latter move sometime in the next year, now seems to be a good time.  I didn't want to tackle it alone, so I had to work around Craig's schedule of games and all that...so here we are.

After we got back from our errands and dinner on Saturday, I got to work.  I assembled the bed rail that I got that seemed to be one of the few that works on convertible cribs...supposedly all convertible cribs.  I got it together fairly quickly, but in looking at the installation directions, it became apparent that "all" might be a bit of an exaggeration.  Jacob's crib is apparently one of the few with a solid mattress base.  Most seem to have a metal grid type base, whereas Jacob's is a thick, dense particle board type material.  When we ordered the crib over three years ago, who would have known that would be an issue?  Not that we'd have picked anything different, but still...annoying.  Also, the board that had to be installed across the front that holds in the mattress and stabilizes the frame made retrofitting it nearly impossible.  Ugh.  Hopefully they'll take back an open box.

Anyway, by this time it was too late to change the crib back, so we had to do what we could to make it work for the night.  I was deathly afraid of Jacob falling out (it's a good foot and a half at least), and after wracking my brain a bit, I had a brainstorm.  I dug into a bin of baby stuff in the crawl space--I had already been in there to get his bedskirt, which I needed since it looked funny without it once the base had been raised--and grabbed his breathable bumper.  The short side was too short, but the long part worked.  I strung it across the opening to provide a bit of a buffer to keep him in the bed.  While it's far from ideal and not foolproof (more on that in a second) it seemed like it would at least contain him a bit...better than a wide open mattress, anyway.

There was some debate about whether or not it was safe.  Hard to say if it's safer than falling out of the bed, but yes, it does create a gap.  However, it's breathable material, it's secured with velco, and it can easily come off if enough weight fell on it.  Also I think Jacob would be more likely to fall through than get stuck, and let's not forget we're dealing with an able-bodied child now, not a helpless infant, and I think if he got caught up in it somehow, he'd be able to either get himself out or be aware enough to scream for us.  I can't say it all with 100% certainty, because I know stranger things have happened, but in this case I think the odds are small enough to warrant giving it a try.

Here's a picture of our big boy in his big boy bed, complete with the bumper.  

You can barely see it, but we did put half of his stuffed animals on the floor as a crash pad in the event he fell out.

Jacob is still under the threat of going back to a crib if he doesn't act like a big boy, and if this just turns into a huge disaster for any reason, we'll either have to go back to the crib or think about moving him to a big boy bed in a big boy room sooner than originally planned.  He'll have more room to roll around in a twin size bed anyway.  But I'd like to take it one step at a time.  Ideally I think it would be cool to make the switch when a new baby is on the way, to make a big deal about a big boy room for a big brother...you know, make it all a part of the preparation process, so he gets that big changes are afoot, but that cool things are coming out of it as well.  However, if we have to do it early, I guess the bright side is that he'll get a little separation before a real baby is coming, and might not feel like the baby is taking over "his" room because he's happily settled in one of his own. I guess we'll spin it how we have to when the time comes.

Anyway, he's gone down pretty well for two nights and one nap so far.  He did some of the usual stalling, but that's par for the course.  He's also woken up early the last couple mornings, and creeped into our room very early Sunday morning after I forgot to close his door completely Saturday night.  I have a safety thing on the knob so he can't get out without help--basically trying to prevent him from wandering around at night, falling down the stairs, or playing with his toys--which is fine until he's potty trained, I'd say.  Still, he's allowed to look at books or play quietly if he wakes up early (though Sunday, considering how early he was up and how late he went down, I encouraged him to go back to sleep--no dice).  I've always been a little worried about the morning creep, just because prior to this it would mean he figured out how to get out of his crib.  Fortunately this time it was okay and I heard him coming, but it was still weird to open my eyes and see him there.

I did discover that my little system wasn't foolproof, however.  He did fall out in the middle of the night that first night, but although he was scared, it was brief.  I held him for a bit and suddenly he was falling asleep sitting up in my arms.  He also fell out during a brief tantrum pre-nap yesterday, a tantrum which had more to do with other factors, not with napping itself.  But that was him just being crazy, and I hope he learned a lesson from it.  Last night was fine, so hopefully he's getting the hang of it.  And hopefully one of these nights we can take the bumper off and he'll be fine.  But for now we'll see how it goes.  Another milestone down...maybe.

A Bit of Fun Amidst the Challenges

Friday and yesterday were a trying days.  Jacob was so difficult on Friday that we didn't go to the Rattlers-Nationals lacrosse game (where Craig was working) like we planned.  He put food and his hands in his milk cup at dinner, and dumped his entire bowl of mac & cheese on the table, pretty much just to spite me.  And it's been that way pretty much all weekend.  He's definitely a kid that needs to test his boundaries, and I'm trying to be as consistent as possible so he no longer feels the need to test.  I'm pretty much instituting a "two-chance" rule when it comes to playing with his food.  If he doesn't eat it and keeps playing with it, it's going out.  Done.  It's gotten that bad.  Friday night he went to bed a little early and even slept in a bit, but that didn't prevent problems again yesterday.  It was more of the same, topped off by a morning where he begged to wear big boy underwear and then proceeded to pee in them, badly enough  that it got on the basement rug. 

After nap we had to had to head out to the pool store, and then we killed time at an amazing store called Hobby Lobby (like your average craft store on steroids) before heading to dinner.  We scoped out lots of cool potential decor for Jacob's big boy room, among other things.  For dinner we went to a place called Donuts Delite, which is legendary here in Rochester.  It was a famous donut place for many, many years, then closed a few years back and sat in a state of disrepair for a while.  Then within the last couple years Soccer Sam, whose TV show I hosted for a couple summers, bought it up, renovated it, and opened it as a franchise of his Salvatore's Pizza chain, which he started in high school (the same year I was born!  He's very young at heart, though!).  Of course, this location has donuts and uses the same recipe as the original owners.  We had never been there but had wanted to go, and it's not too often we're on that side of town.  So, off we went.

Hard to see, but there's a little cupola up top with a baker character named Dan Delite.  The facade is pretty much intact.

Outside there was a bench from a recent "Benches on Parade" type project.  This one was made out of coffee, pizza, and a donut.  Appropriate.

Jacob tried to eat the donut...multiple times.  Him putting odd things in or near his mouth has actually become a problem lately.  I don't think he was this bad even when he was teething.

We tried to get him to smile, but this was as good as it got.

We very much enjoyed our food, and while Jacob ate his quite well, the battle from the time we walked in until the food arrived wasn't an easy one.  Still, since he ate well, he got a donut.

Cute, yes...delicious, of course...but the sugar would come back to haunt us.

All smiles on a spinning stool on the way out!

When we got home I started working on Jacob's big boy bed.  Since we're home for the majority of this weekend and next weekend, I figured now was the time.  More on that in the next post...and yes, it really is that much of a story that it needs its own post...

Wishy-Washy

Originally (like, last week) I was going to post about how I've (once again) had babies on the brain.  Last week I felt like everywhere I turned there was something having to do with babies, and it got me all excited just thinking about baby #2.  A friend of mine had a baby--her second, a boy this time after having a girl just a little older than Jacob--and the pregnancy blog I read finally posted a birth story for its most recent blogger.  That birth story was written with some crazy attention to detail, and I swear just reading it brought back minute, repressed memories from my own childbirth experience.  It wasn't gross or anything, just vivid.  And strangely, her experience was pretty much entirely unlike mine.  She went through miscarriages, was well beyond her due date, labored at home, sat in a tub, had a doula, didn't have drugs, and had a meconium scare.  But some of the details--like how so many moments were a blur when she was working through the pain, for example--reminded me of the sheer "along-for-the-ride" confusion and apprehension that accompanied me for a good week when Jacob was first born.  Just thinking about her blog post set off a bunch of other random associations, I think.  Like how being off my allergy meds in anticipation of this week's testing reminded me of when I went off them before I got pregnant.  Or that shopping for a baby gift reminded me of all of Jacob's adorable, tiny clothes from when he was little.  There were moments I was wistful for a sweet little baby face, that charming yet clueless stare, and the simple, happy moments that accompany milestones like smiling and rolling over.  I know this is probably bad, but I'm also missing that time where the baby is perfect...unable to get into mischief, talk back, hit, or do any other willfully nasty things.  No, it wasn't easy back then either, but there was a certain peace about that time.  And knowing the daily battles we have with Jacob, it's making me long for that...even though I know how ridiculously hard that time was.

And then along came this week and I'm having doubts I can do it all over again.  Rest assured, if all goes well we will...but it'll certainly be accompanied by a healthy dose of fear.  I don't have enough hours in the day right now, so how on earth can I split myself yet again to accommodate another tiny human being that takes up a significant amount of time?  Can we really pull off the daycare costs, even for a year?  If I'm this tired now, how will I feel when I'm doing twice-a-night feedings?  If Jacob's current behavior is stressing me out, how am I going to be when I'm extra sleep deprived and/or getting it from another baby, too?  How will I ever leave the house with two?  Am I really ready to start another 2-3+ years of diapers, the journey through solid foods, babyproofing, or worrying every single second about a helpless baby?  Craig and I are already fiercely protective of our downtime now as it is.  What happens when we don't really have any because we each have a kid to manage at any given moment?  No doubt, it's pretty overwhelming.

However, I always thought the syllabus for every single college class I ever took looked overwhelming, too, and I got through every one...with generally great results.  So, just like college, one day at a time I'll manage this stuff too.  I'll admit that there's still a bit of fear that it just won't go well, that no amount of sugarcoating or cheerleading will overcome the difficulties.  Maybe the stress of balancing it all will get to me, or one kid will suffer at the expense of another, or that it'll have an irreparable impact on the relatively pleasant life we have right now.  But I'm trying not to let that stuff cloud my mind.  We're all stronger than we think we are, and even though it all seems hard, there are ways to get through it. 

I always said that I wanted to have more than one, and I do want Jacob to have a sibling.  While I fear for his response when he figures out he's not the center of the universe, I know it will make him a more well-rounded, more connected person in the long run.  And people do this all the time.  I think I would have to use both hands to count the number of people I know that have recently had or are having a second baby that already have a kid around Jacob's age.  And there's at least few beyond that that have more than one already and are adding another.  And, you know, we bought a house to fit another kid, for goodness sakes.  One of those bedrooms would seem awfully empty without the second kid we pictured living in it.

I know we'll find a way through it but there will be some incredibly difficult moments.  That is one thing I am absolutely sure of.  But I feel like we just have to push through the hard stuff now and be rewarded down the road with a great family made up of a couple great kids.  I hope so, anyway.