Christmas Eve night was a LONG one. Jacob was so unhappy. He was uncomfortable, slightly nauseous, had a terrible headache, and his leg was hurting. He was really worried it was infected, and kept saying that if it's septic you only have 12 hours, so he would be a goner if we waited to do anything about it. I kept explaining to him that he didn't have a fever and it didn't feel warm through the bandages, so the odds of something being that far gone were slim. Could it be the beginnings of something? Maybe? But it was unlikely that it had progressed to the point he was thinking. But he just didn't feel well, and it was a challenge to weed through what was a real symptom vs. what was anxiety-enhanced. Tylenol wasn't working that well, and he was refusing Ibuprofen because he read that it hinders bone healing. Even with Tylenol, it took a long time to get the headache to ease, and then when I said something he didn't like, he said it ramped back up again. Basically anytime I say anything that even hints at something being wrong (like talking about his ongoing stomach/reflux stuff), he freaks out. I'm stuck between validating what he's been dealing with but ramping up his anxiety vs. downplaying things to keep him calm but risking him feeling unheard. It's sort of impossible and exhausting, but I promise I'm trying to find a balance. We do have some big questions coming up at our GI follow-up in January, and I know that's weighing on us both a lot. I can tell he's worried about it, even though his day-to-day symptoms don't seem that bad most of the time. But for this moment, we were trying to focus on the leg and which symptoms were specific to that vs. being ramped up worse with the anxiety.
Obviously complicating things was that we were over an hour from home, it was late at night, and going home would jeopardize the rest of Christmas. It was a battle to navigate all of that because he felt like we weren't taking him seriously, but also we didn't want to overreact and miss out on everything for something that he was likely making larger than life in his head. Ultimately we were awake until at least 3am. I was sleeping in the room with him since Craig was still a bit cold-ridden and took the air mattress in the room next door, though Craig did make a few appearances to talk through things now and then, probably when he heard us through the walls. Eventually, once the headache eased and he wasn't feeling quite as off, we settled on being confident that any infection wasn't advanced as usually an infection would only ramp up further, not ease off like it had. However, if it was still bad in the morning we could go home in some form (all of us or just Jacob and a parent, probably Craig since we just had my family stuff left), and that regardless we'd reach out to the doctor on the 26th to talk things through. After getting that reassurance, eventually we all got some sleep. Of course, I woke up at 6:30 and couldn't go back to sleep, but everyone else slept in until closer to 10. We did end up skipping church as a result, which was a bit of a bummer. But if it gave us a better day, so be it.
Jacob woke up feeling quite a bit better. His leg was still hurting him but I tried to explain to him that he'd been medicating it more steadily before, which was likely keeping the inflammation down even when he wasn't consistent with it, and now that he was doing a bit more and not medicating at all, it probably started to bounce back with more inflammation than his body could naturally manage. We got him to take Tylenol more that day, and when it bothered him more later, he did consent to ibuprofen as a test, although he couldn't really tell if that helped more. But for the most part he was better that day, significantly less panicky and anxiety-ridden. There were a couple times I felt like he was on the edge needed to be reassured and talked back down with a reminder we'd be contacting the doctor in the morning. He was feeling a bit off again by the evening--mostly a swimmy head, it seems--but Christmas Day was much more under control and we were able to enjoy the day much more than the night before.
Carter and I both had a late breakfast, but Craig slept late and Jacob wasn't thrilled with the options so since it was already after 11 before we were all up and moving, they just opted to wait until our noon-ish Christmas lunch. We had a great meal of ham, cheesy potatoes, rolls, corn, and Jacob's favorite raspberry jello ring that my mom makes. I brought brownie ala mode sundaes for dessert. Everything was so good, and as soon as we were done, I worked on my strawberry fluff for Uncle Jeff's house. It's like the orange "paste" (as the boys call it) that Jacob requests for summer picnics a lot, but it used strawberries and pineapple, which felt a bit more festive. It was good, but I used a shortcut technique because we were traveling and I think that made it not quite as good as the other one. If I ever make it again I'll probably use a similar technique to the orange version to see if it turns out better. Anyway, we relaxed for a bit before presents, watching this bizarre but entertaining "Disneyfied" animated NBA game broadcast. Then it was time for gifts!
Jacob got his Pilgrim's Progress book (in two forms), and Carter got a book as well. They both also got some cool religious sports shirts. Craig got a couple classic Peanuts ornaments that my mom found cheap. I got my angel ornament and a sweater. And we got our annual Platters chocolate. I may be forgetting a couple things. But mostly we all got cash, which was much appreciated--especially us post-roof!
We had a little more time to relax after that. My mom and I checked to see if the earrings I made for her matched her tough-to-match shirt (close enough!). She liked her puzzles from Carter's and my Goodwill trip a couple weeks ago, the one before one of Jacob's games where we got a pot for some crystal making (from a kit he got years ago that we never did because we needed a pot we'd never use for food) and where Carter got himself a new magic set for about $4 that actually turned out to be pretty legit. My dad got a sweater and he actually liked the color I picked, and I bought them both a blanket to replace the very threadbare Biederlack blanket that has been a couch mainstay since I was probably a teenager. Before we headed over to Uncle Jeff's we had a quick FaceTime with my brother and his girlfriend. Unfortunately the kids were with their mom, but it was nice to check in anyway.
I was relieved to get to Uncle Jeff's because that has probably been my biggest sticking point with all of the Christmas stuff we've had to miss over the last few years--twice for COVID and once due to the Buffalo blizzard. I had never missed it in my entire life until COVID hit. One year it wasn't held at all, and we were home due to COVID quarantine anyway. The next year it was canceled at the last minute due to a COVID exposure, but my mom and I stopped by briefly anyway to drop some things off. We got a little taste of it, but obviously it wasn't the same. Two years ago it happened but we were stuck in Rochester since all roads leading to Buffalo were closed or very risky. It finally happened last year and all was well, but getting back there again this year felt like a big deal, especially since 24 hours earlier it felt unlikely we'd still be in town. It's definitely different than it was when I was a kid--no gift exchange, different chaos, less Trivial Pursuit (although we usually leave early-ish)--but in many ways it has come full circle--lots of littles, quite a few of the middle generation, and a dwindling older crew. It's definitely a different vibe but anything that brings back memories of the glory days, in the exact spot where they happened, is much appreciated.
My cousin Lori brought a little surprise for the kiddos...I had to laugh!
By the way, I forgot to mention that Lori and Kevin got a dog! Her name is Honey and she's the absolute sweetest Mini Golden Doodle. They brought her over to perk up Jacob a few days after his surgery. She was so chill. She sniffed everything and ran downstairs a couple times, but she didn't bark, chew, or do much of anything except accept lots of pets and belly rubs. Everyone was giving me crap because I was on the floor with her most of the time. They could have come down too! They took that as some evidence that we should get a dog, but:
1) I like dogs but don't want to be responsible for one
2) If you could promise I'd get a dog that chill, I'd be tempted, but you can't guarantee anything
3) I do not want to spend the time, money, or sanity on a dog
4) We are still not home enough and I have way too much to do without dog walking, feeding, or other care
Regardless, Honey was an absolute delight and I'd actually be fine giving dogsitting a try sometime, but just because I love other people's dogs doesn't mean I need one of my own.
Back to Christmas, my kids ended up being highlights of the night as well. Jacob volunteered to do the pre-dinner prayer. I accidentally ended up missing it because I was grabbing food (oopsie, that was a bummer), but I heard wonderful reviews from other people. They were super impressed and even a bit choked up! After dinner, as we were getting ready for the family games (essentially a bunch of grab bag games of candy, lotto tickets, and others goodies), Carter did a magic show for the second year in a row. He impressed with a couple of his new tricks, and if nothing else, he was super charming!
Near the end of the night someone had a thought to do another round of stair pictures. We haven't done them in years--possibly not since 2016, the last time my brother was in town for Christmas night. A lot of people were missing this time, but it still felt worthwhile. The stairs are so iconic--whether it was us grandkids hanging out there or sliding down on our butts, or the older generation clamoring down them on Christmas morning in family home movies. They remain the same! But we all are a much tighter squeeze than we once were! First up was the oldest generation:
The only one missing is my Uncle Bink, who's been gone since 1997. They did a spouse photo after that, and sadly that was missing more - an aunt and two uncles, all in-laws.
Next was the youngest crew. That was missing the five oldest - my cousin Nicki's two girls, my cousin Todd's two kids, and my cousin Chris' daughter, plus my brother's kids who fall in line after Jacob and before Carter. But there were a bunch of new ones since we last did this! Unfortunately we kept Jacob on a lower step because of his leg, so it looks a little goofy, but we got it done.
Then it was my generation. It turned out that because of the missing cousins as listed above, plus my cousin Kim, I was the eldest present! That was crazy. So we were missing the five oldest, but all the rest of us (including my cousin Kevin who lives in Reno) were there. Crazy how times change.
There was also a spouses picture after this one, and everyone except Kevin had one of those, so that was quite a group too! It was nice to add another chapter to a fun tradition and realize just how much times have changed from the last round.
After that, it was about time for us to get going. We had a long drive back and still sort of needed to ensure we wouldn't be spending the overnight at the ER if Jacob got nervous again. Fortunately the trip was pretty quick and painless other than trying to find an open gas station (that took about five tries). Jacob did okay despite feeling a little funky on the ride and went to bed promptly once we got home. We unpacked and put away a few things, but followed behind him pretty soon after. It had been a long but good day.
As a whole, this Christmas was good. Not exactly outstanding, particularly on the gift side, but obviously our overnight mess didn't help. I think overall everyone was content with how it turned out, but I can't say there was a lot in the way of "wow" moments, either on the giving or receiving side, other than maybe Carter's phone. I don't know if that's just the evolution of big kids, or changes in giving habits among our families, or maybe just an extension of my somewhat "meh" feeling about the entire holiday leading up. I wanted to really enjoy it because everything feels a bit fleeting and delicate right now (thanks, anxiety), and overall I did, but everything just felt a lot more low-key. Even my usual semi-panic/sadness on the 26th, or when thinking about the lights that will soon disappear, or the impending January blahs, isn't feeling quite as intense right now. Maybe I just have bigger worries, or my perspective has changed, or I'm just that exhausted, but something is different. It just felt a lot more even-keeled as a whole. I can't say that's a bad thing, but it just leaves me with fewer strong feelings about this Christmas as compared to other years.
When we woke up on the 26th (gloriously late I might add--even I slept later, which has been rare the last few months), my first thought was to check my MyChart messages because we'd sent a message to the surgeon's office later on Christmas with our questions about Jacob's leg. Sure enough, there was already a response. They weren't too worried about our concerns based on his symptoms but said we could take the dressing off and send them a photo. Well, once we got in there, it was a little overwhelming because we weren't sure we could put it back together. Under the ace bandage was a whole bunch of fragile cotton wrapping that just tore away, then a couple pieces of gauze. There was also tape over the wound and we weren't sure if we could take that off, so we took a picture with it and sent a few more questions. A couple more rounds of messages back and forth later, the tape was off and Jacob was free of all the bandages moving forward. He can even shower now! It looks pretty decent, especially now that the dried blood is washed off. It's still rather swollen, but it's definitely healing up and there's no sign of infection. They also requested he stay with the ibuprofen because that will help keep the inflammation down, and the bone healing issue isn't much of a concern at this dose/duration. So...we're getting there. His follow-up is in a few days and I know he's eager to get started on some real recovery. He's so bored and eager to get up some shots. He was a little bummed by how he felt after an upper body workout today--very tired--but after not doing much for a couple weeks and being a bit sleep deprived, maybe that's not too surprising. He's still just feeling off in general, especially at night, and most of it has ramped up significantly since the surgery. I'm trying not to connect too many dots in my head at the moment. We'll have lots of questions for the surgeon Monday, and have the backup of his routine med check with the pediatrician right after that, so we can ask about tiredness and safe sleep aids and anything else that might help us get him back on track. I just want to help him and feel a bit at a loss right now.
So, now the weekend is here and we await Monday's appointments and the New Year (hopefully with a fun little family outing). Bring on a little bit of relaxation in the meantime...
Side note: Today marks this blog's 17th birthday. I didn't realize it until a blogger I've followed for years (who no longer blogs but posts on IG) mentioned that her blog started 20 years ago, and then I realized what today's date was. Seventeen years ago today was post #1, just trying to figure this whole thing out. In it I said, "...it'll be an interesting diary of this experience, assuming I keep it up." Well, I guess I've done a little more than that. I don't know how this has been going on for a full 17 years now, but here we are...a memory keeper and therapy in one! Happy Birthday, Blog...it's been real.
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