Getting back in the groove post-holiday has been a bit bumpy. I guess my work week wasn't crazy--it was manageable--but it's hard having the kids home and summer is always a little frustrating because people are off or being very flexible with their at-home time, and it feels sort of pointless being in the office nearly alone most days. I have a ton of things to work on but I'm waiting on a lot as well. Our new person just started this week and by the end of day one I was already exhausted because my introvert self apparently can't up-shift that fast. I'm looking forward to the help but also nervous about how it will impact the dynamics of our team. The new woman is interesting--a few years younger than me, very put-together, divorced, no kids but a dog. She's very nice, but I'm not sure how much we'll ultimately have in common and even though she had good reasons to want this job, I still feel like this will be below her and not last long, but we'll make it work for now.
We had a quieter week last week since baseball keeps getting rained out, though the kids and I each had doctor's appointments. My doctor insists that my cardiac/carotid concerns are baseless. I disagree, but I guess I will try pushing it a bit more and see if anything gets crazy. She was fine with my slightly funky iron situation (though my ferritin was better than usual) and suggested I give up bread if I want my triglycerides to go down (if you're keeping track, that comes after suggestions of giving up meat, dairy, and gluten previously...fun). The kids did okay in their appointments, all things considered. Jacob's blood pressure was a bit lower, so that was progress, and his reflux has been less frequent. Carter's mouth wasn't as healed as his doctor would have liked so he prescribed Cipro, but since Cipro has some side effects (I swear it was the beginning of a bunch of funky joint crap I've had--it does that), I decided to hold off until we see the dermatologist next week. His weight is also concerningly low. His BMI is at the very bottom of the curve. He's a skinny kid but it's definitely fallen off a cliff a bit in the last 6 months or so. The doctor initially assumed it was because ADHD meds suppress appetite, but I think he's eating just fine. I thought for a bit it was because he was playing baseball a lot and burning a lot of calories, but now that school is out he's sitting around a lot the rest of the time so I'm less convinced of that. I ended up having a sleepless night over the weekend realizing that there is a chance he has Celiac like Jacob and isn't absorbing properly. The doctor is skeptical because he doesn't have any other symptoms like stomach aches or pooping issues, but Jacob wasn't exactly textbook either. It absolutely devastated me to think that he could have it because he's so into certain foods that losing those forever would absolutely destroy him. We bond over eating fun stuff together because it's something we can only do alone, and having that go away (and making our adventures more complicated in the process) would be so hard. I'm currently waiting to see if the doctor wants to send him for blood work now or wants to wait another few months. It's pretty agonizing.
This week Jacob had his shin looked at again and the doctor wanted to try acupuncture. He said it hurt really bad and he almost passed out, but he liked the feeling afterward. He also had a little scare with what we thought was blood in his stool, but we're pretty sure it was just too much watermelon. But the constant issues and freakouts are getting exhausting. I get why he's frustrated but I don't know how else to help him beyond all we're already doing. Now he wants our house checked for mold. Sigh. I get where he's coming from--I, too, panic a lot about health things and spiral for a bit initially. I still get a sick feeling in my stomach every time I think too much into something, like what might be going on with Carter. He just can't understand that some things just need to wait, that you need to give something time to evolve to see if it gets better or worse, before you call the doctor. Eventually they'll just think you're a hypochondriac and stop taking you seriously, so there has to be a balance there. The waiting is so hard for him, and I get it, but as the "responsible" adult I have to be a bit more levelheaded even if it's killing me as well.
Aside from all the health randomness, we had a decent weekend. The boys played some baseball, I got in a long bike ride, I did a couple loads of laundry, moved some branches to the curb, and then cut out our dead bush in the front yard to add that to the pile. That was exhausting in 90 degree heat and I still have a stump to figure out, but it's progress. Of course, by the time I cleaned off the algae-filled siding, it took me a bit to recover and cool down enough to consider putting on my suit for a dip in the pool, and by the time I did, it was pouring and I missed my window. I also did some errand running, utilized some Kohl's deals, and got more beads to make earrings. It wasn't a bad mix of activities. We also had a graduation party for our niece and nephew in Buffalo. It was a little awkward because of the ongoing family issues, and Craig's parents ended up going out of town rather than deal with the "rules" for the party. That was a bummer. We did have a nice time catching up with some of Craig's extended family and having chats with our niece, her boyfriend, and her twin brother, and petting our niece's dog, but there weren't a lot of people there that we knew beyond that, so it wasn't ideal. We did play some corn hole and stayed until around dark, but it wasn't quite what something like that would have been under other circumstances. Heck, the over-the-top Dominican friend wasn't there either (ironically staying in the Dominican) so we didn't even get to recount our trip to her after she encouraged us to go back on Thanksgiving.
While we were there, we heard about the assassination attempt on former President Trump. Obviously it's awful and those things should never happen. I may not like him but he shouldn't get shot at. A domesticated first-world nation should not have that happen. That said, I do think this is somewhat of a product of the environment he created eight years ago. We were talking at work this week about how we noticed a very specific shift in how people talked to our student callers (especially the ones with foreign accents) at the time. We felt then and still do that his rhetoric was empowering the racists and general jerks to not hold back on their anger over certain things, including immigration and Muslims in America, "wokeness" and "snowflakes" on campus, and the like. Suddenly the callers were being sworn at and berated, and that almost never happened before--maybe only if they called a wrong number, or maybe someone was just generally ill or unhinged. Maybe it's a coincidence, but I feel like that's when that us vs. them mentality really got going and fed into the division that leads to drastic actions like this one. I'm not saying he deserved it, but I do think the division he created has contributed to this climate probably more than anyone else. Regardless, it's a sad commentary on America right now. Particularly now that people are bandaging their ears in solidarity. What now?
Here's just a few pics from the weekend, starting with the pigeon coop outside my office. They are doing homing pigeon research at the University, and they happened to build the coop on our property. There were a bunch outside the other morning, so I visited.
Friday I got a big victory getting Carter to go through his many piles of school stuff. He had so many papers and notebooks and half-sized pencils in his bag, and most of what came home in June was covering the dining room table completely. I got him to sort everything into keep, toss, and take a picture before tossing piles. I talked him through a bunch of the keep pile, and finally got most of it narrowed down to a small set of keeps. His artwork got really fun at the end of the year, and I loved all of these:
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| I've seen someone else's version of this one and it was clearly better, but I thought he did a really nice job. |
I'm still not entirely sure how this one is his, but he insists it is. It's amazing and blows away pretty much everything else he's ever done. Apparently that technique resonated with him?
My flowers have really been coming out, although now we've had a ton of rain (like, the pool is full rain) so I feel like it's inevitable everything is going to be fungus-ridden from here on out. But my zinnias are coming! All except one were bright pink to start out, but now we have a couple orange and a light pink. They're still fun to watch.
My hydrangeas are coming along, and this half-and-half one amazes me.
I usually only get a couple of these in the back, and half the time the deer do them in, but they're always so pretty.
My garden has had a good number of snap peas, a handful of beans so far, some lettuce, and finally some tomatoes are ripening. The zucchini and cucumber plants are growing and thriving, but the new babies have been slow to arrive and are taking their time to grow. I have gotten a handful of wild black raspberries from the way back, and the blackberries are starting to turn red. Everything feels a little wild right now, and my hanging porch flowers have been struggling, but my porch planter is beautiful, so I guess I can't complain. I threw some new soil with Miracle-Gro into the hanging plants, so now I guess I just hope it boosts them a bit. It hasn't helped that we had a ton of rain this week that's made the yard too damp to spend much time in keep things in check. Weeds (and mushrooms) will likely be out of control next time I venture back there.
In general I'm just sort of in a motivational funk. I'm sort of tired and sort of distracted, and I wonder if this is some sort of low-level post-COVID thing. In the past it's been headaches and fatigue, so I guess this is better, but I am noticeably off. I desperately want a vacation even though I just had one, and yet know that I need a quiet weekend at home more than anything. And we actually don't have many of those coming up, so who knows how long this house is going to look like this. I'm really struggling with the "summer house" situation, which is a lot like "COVID lockdown house" except sometimes people go places, including me to the office three days a week, which means I come back to a house full of messes from a day of the kids grabbing food and using the bathroom. We're just here together a lot and the house is feeling really lived in. I feel like I need to vacuum all the time and wipe things down constantly, but by the end of the day I'm just spent and don't have the energy. I had towels sitting in a basket for days and have had my clothes waiting to be hung up since yesterday (after already forgetting to bring them upstairs for a day), and that's not really like me at all. It doesn't help that I'm putting in a lot of extra effort this week to teach our new person at work, but I guess that's going to go on for a while so I need to get used to it. I'm really having a hard time figuring out how to get the boys to take care of their own stuff. Jacob practically refuses to eat because when I'm here he wants me to make food for him, but I need to work and know he can do some things himself so it's annoying when he asks. But when I don't do it, he just waits and eventually won't eat. He doesn't know what to eat and doesn't want to eat the things he knows how to make. When I was working today Jacob and Craig called me to talk them through making fried eggs, and then Jacob called me asking if he was going to get sick because he ate a couple unwashed berries. It's incredibly frustrating when I'm at work and incredibly distracting when I'm here. Everywhere I look there are things that need to be done and I'm really struggling with the mental load of that. I've just sort of lost control of my summer and I feel powerless to get it back.
Oh, and I realized that we have pretty much zero options for a vacation week unless we reschedule some things. So that's fun. We may have to make do with some smaller trips, but it's a little bit of a bummer.
Overall, between the health issues, work stuff, house stuff, too much rain, and another speedy summer, I'm just in a distracted, directionless funk. I know we have some good stuff coming up but I am struggling to manage it all. I'm hoping I cycle back to some degree of normalcy soon because summer is far too short for this crap.
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