It was a bit of a challenging week around our house. Well, mostly the end of it.
Early in the week Carter had his dermatologist appointment. They weren't really concerned with what they were seeing but were admittedly confused by the swelling. They said we didn't need to do the Cipro (which we somehow lost anyway--I swear it must have accidentally been thrown out), but should do an antibiotic cream. He's been on it the recommended amount of time with no improvement (actually, is it worse? I can never tell.), so we'll see what they have to say when I message them. I have no idea what's next.
I'm continuing to meander through having a new person at work. Some of it's good, some of it's hard. No real complaints, I guess, but trying to be patient and thorough when you're explaining something multiple times in excruciating detail can be challenging. I think she'll pick things up, but whether it happens before she gets annoyed with some of the menial tasks she's doing remains to be seen. In-person days just feel so much more tiring, both because I'm an introvert who needs recharging after days of much more people-ing than usual, and because I constantly have to be a step ahead thinking about what to do with her or how to involve her. In the long run it should be good, but right now it's just a slow-go. It also makes me feel hesitant/guilty to take time off if she doesn't have enough tasks to keep her busy, which stinks because summer only lasts so long.
Life got extra complicated on Thursday. I was working from home that morning because my office's annual baseball outing was that day, and the whole family was coming along. In the morning the boys were messing around, as usual, and I went to try to break it up and ask them to stop. They insisted everything was fine. But then something went awry, as Jacob somehow pinned Carter down and seemingly his only defense was a head butt. Multiple times. Obviously that was a horrible decision on Carter's part, but as a younger sibling myself, I get it. If I was rendered helpless by my brother (we had a few physical battles over the remote control back in the day, since we only had one "good" TV in the house that got every channel), I probably wouldn't have hesitated to do whatever I could to get out, with little regard for any physical damage that may occur. It just doesn't really phase you when you're in survival mode battling someone twice your size. I don't know if the head butts were enough on their own or if they just added on to when Craig accidentally hit Jacob in the head with a baseball the previous Saturday in Erie, but Jacob complained about a headache and immediately insisted he had a concussion. Now, that seemed a bit dramatic at the time and Jacob tends to get overdramatic with his injuries. Not that he's not truly injured when that happens, but sometimes he embellishes to make a point, or he overthinks his maladies and assumes the worst. I'm not entirely sure if it's an anxiety thing, or an attempt to get us to pay more attention to something we're downplaying, but it's probably a bit of both. But he seemed okay enough, so I had him take Tylenol and off we went to the game.
Once we got there, things started to go downhill rapidly. He said he felt nauseous and his head was really hurting. For a while he refused to eat. He started to get panic-attack-ish, and while I felt bad about it, it was frustrating and potentially embarrassing since this was my work event and I had to manage that aspect of it as well as attend to him. At that point I couldn't figure out why he didn't just stay home, but I guess he didn't want to be alone either. We finally made it through lunch and I was able to mingle for a bit while the boys checked the outfield grass for balls. They then went out into the concourse for a bit, but I got a couple panicked phone calls shortly after insisting that I come to the entrance to the picnic area (they never got tickets to come back in when they left). Jacob was once again freaking out. I took Carter back with me and Craig was going to handle Jacob. He was trying to get a way back to his van at the arena so they could go home, but apparently that didn't happen because when Carter and I later went to our seats for a bit, they were there, looking much calmer.
After most of my work colleagues left the picnic area, Carter showed me the nice view from the outfield area in center field, just over from that picnic area, which is something not everyone gets to see.
As I said, after that we headed to our seats for a bit to watch some of the game. It was an absolutely perfect day, upper 70s in the midst of a summer of humid mid-80s, with a nice breeze.
Unfortunately the Red Wings blew it late in the game, when the other team got a boatload of runs. At one point the boys took off while I was talking to a colleague, and I found out later that they snuck their way back into the picnic area (they said Carter forgot his sunglasses) so Carter could look for a home run ball that was hit out there during the other team's late surge. And sure enough, the stinker got it! And then he managed to get a bullpen ball at the end of the game, which he specifically got for Jacob since he was feeling so bad. Add that to a lineup sheet he got from the home bullpen at the start of the game, and he had a pretty good day!
The rest of Thursday into Friday was pretty rough. Jacob was miserable. He blamed Carter every chance he got, even though the baseball thing might have set the stage and even though I had originally told them not to do what they were doing. He went to the pediatrician on Friday and they basically recommended no screens for 36 hours and just taking it easy. But he was miserable and complained a lot. In his boredom, his new thing was asking incessantly for a dog. I guess he decided that if he was going to be laid up like that (you know, because this is going to last forever--according to him, anyway, because concussions can take up to a year to heal, and of course that would be the case for him, even though his was likely quite mild), he would like a dog to keep him company. Now, here's the thing...I get it, I do. I think a dog might actually be helpful for him. BUT I simply can't add a dog to my load right now. I'm struggling mightily to just manage my house as it is. I struggle to clean properly, to figure out dinner, to take care of simple tasks. I'm frustrated that I carry a massive mental load and am expected to work full time and still manage most of the household tasks on a regular basis. I've asked repeatedly for everyone to pick up some slack, clean up their stuff, not leave messes everywhere, sort through toys, etc. I get a lot of apathy, honestly. I know Craig is tired too and I know he thinks he handles a lot, but if we had to go task-for-task I think he'd be shocked at the depth of stuff that runs through my head on a daily basis, the undone things that just hang over me that I know should be done but that it would never occur to him to do. The boys...well, Carter means well but struggles to realize the things he needs to do. I'm pretty sure Jacob knows but mostly just doesn't care. He sees the piles of dishes or clothes but knows eventually someone will come for them (usually Craig unless I'm loading the dishwasher to run it immediately, or something like that), so he doesn't bother. But ultimately, the idea of adding a dog to that is unthinkable for me. Even if the kids hold up their end of the bargain (and as we know, most don't), it will still fall on me to buy the food (or at least know it needs to be bought), feed it (or at least be aware if it was fed), find a vet (if not take it there), walk it (since I often walk anyway, which means poop duty that I don't want), take it out when no one else is here when I'm working from home most of the year (again, poop duty), and find solutions for things (like making sure it's not eating toys or stuffed animals or chewing furniture (which is now a lot more expensive than what we used to have)). I don't want to have to find solutions for when we travel or be beholden to coming home in the middle of days out or worrying about it being crated too long, or being woken up at night if it decides it wants to sleep near me, or trying to make sure it doesn't eat potentially poisonous things outside or that get dropped in the kitchen, or cleaning up endless dog hair. And speaking of which, I'm actually allergic to dogs so we'd have to try to get a hypoallergenic one, and presumably that's going to get pricey. As is vet care and food. Or fixing the Invisible Fence that got messed up when our sidewalk got replaced. And honestly, I don't want to listen to a dog bark at passers-by all day or clean up poop or vomit or house accidents. As much as the kids insist they'll do a lot of those things, I know how it goes. And I simply don't have the bandwidth to add that to my plate right now, even if there will be benefits. You simply can't know for sure if your kids will hold up their end of the deal or if the dog will be a good fit, and I just don't want to have to deal with all of that right now. Whatever problems it will solve will be offset by others that will be created, and I simply don't have the mental or physical energy to deal with all of that. But Jacob is asking incessantly and it's starting to make me crazy.
So, I tell that whole backstory because at one point over the weekend he and Craig were trying to clean the house (as if one round would offset years of non-compliance and convince me he was serious) and somehow he ended up banging his head on a shelf, which just made everything worse. By Sunday they decided to go to the emergency room. They said he likely had a mild concussion and prescribed some anti-nausea meds. I don't love that he says he has pressure in his head so I would have probably preferred they did some sort of scan, but he also went to see a doctor Monday through Craig's connections (who he's seen for other things, too) who specializes in concussion treatment, and he didn't suggest that either. He had some suggestions to do some physical activity 20 minutes a day to stimulate his brain, so Jacob did some light shooting that night and could also do a stationery bike or elliptical as well. He seems to be improving, so I guess we'll see. But the incessant dog requests remain and obviously he's still discouraged to have another hiccup among his physical struggles. I feel for him. It's just such a stupid, random round of bad choices and bad luck.
In the meantime, while Craig and Jacob were dealing with that, we opted to give them some space and just Carter and I made some plans for the weekend. First up Saturday was my annual family reunion at Camp Pioneer. I'd been doing a lot of work leading up to it, maintaining the Facebook page, updating the family tree, sending out emails, reviewing other documents and communications for my Uncle Jeff, who has been trying everything to get this reunion to survive. It finally came and after a lot of agonizing over food choices (as usual), I made some food between Friday night and Saturday morning, and off we went.
It was a warm but beautiful day, which is always a relief going there. It was an easy drive and we got there just in time. I wanted to be early but the prior couple days did me no favors. It was fine, and we settled in for a tasty lunch. We had our family meeting, shared about some of the folks we've lost, and then it was onward to the activities. Carter really wanted to do the corn hole tournament, and somehow I got roped in, but not as his partner! He and Grandma teamed up. I ended up paired with my Uncle Mark, and our first match was against my Aunt Wendy and cousin Megan. Somehow we managed to win, which was no small feat. That meant we had to play Carter and my mom next. We had a good lead initially but they made a comeback. We took another lead, and then another comeback that put us away. Carter took it very seriously!
That win put them into the finals against my dad's cousin and his wife. Apparently they have their own boards and are really good because they dominated. Ugh.
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| Pre-match handshakes |
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| Carter looking pretty frustrated |
Carter had a particularly tough round, so he beat himself up quite a bit when they lost, even though we reminded him they're really good and everyone can have an off game. Still, not bad for the oldest and youngest players to make the finals! It took getting down to the beach to shake his bad mood, but we had a lot of fun down there. The water was as lovely as I've ever seen it--mostly clear and clean, super warm and refreshing, and hardly any rocks in one section. The beach was still its normal rocky self, but we had a decent patch of sand to get building.
It's taken me over 40 years, but I finally realized you can use clean sand to cover the worst of the sections where the rocks and zebra mussel shells collect to make it a more comfortable walk! We had some nice reduced-rock sand up near us to use, but a sand sifter like we have among our sand toys would have worked in the old days too. I just dumped a couple buckets over the most uncomfortable areas, and voila! We could walk across it way more easily! Of course, this is just in time for this venue to have gotten super expensive and our reunion funds to dwindle, so who knows if we'll even be back next year, but at least I made this visit a little more pleasant.
It was such a perfect afternoon. It really is one of my happy places, one of those spots where I feel oddly at home and at peace, even if that wasn't always the case. My week-long camp experience there, for example, wasn't the best, but it was one of those life growth experiences you can still be grateful for. I think there's something to be said for a place that holds memories, challenges you, brings you back to nature, and takes you away from reality for a bit. Geneseo gives me much the same feeling. As much as I loved it there, as a student there were moments it felt small and limiting, but it's tied to some of the most precious memories of my life. Camp Pioneer can evoke memories of painful sunburns and seaweed stuck in my bathing suit, but it also holds memories of all of these reunions--lots of cousin time and beach walks searching for sea glass--as well as a couple college fall retreat memories with dear friends. There aren't usually a lot of places where you can sort of track your life growth like this, coming back to the same place almost annually for 40+ years, but this place does that for me.
While we were on the beach, my mom yelled to us over the deck in the picture above that not only did the corn hole winners not take their prize (two Subway gift cards, meaning Carter and my mom could split them), but also that Carter and I won the Family Feud trivia contest! We had a sheet to fill out during lunch to name the top three answers for a bunch of categories--side dishes at a family picnic, picnic activities, reasons people give to NOT attend a family reunion, books of the Bible, Jesus' disciples, etc.--and we won $20! That all made Carter MUCH happier!
After we wrapped up our sand castle time (once the moat was holding water for a bit and our castle collapsed), Carter learned to skip rocks and I combed the rocks for glass. I ended up with a handful of pieces--including a couple turquoise but sadly no blue and only one green--and also grabbed a few more rocks for my front flower bed, which is nearly all Pioneer rocks. Carter picked some fun ones to bring back as well. We headed up to change and pack up.
As we got to the car, I looked over and noticed a couple larger rocks nearby. Another family at the reunion had come back when we were packing up looking for a rock with their son's name on it. They had misplaced it somewhere but it was nowhere to be found. They went and grabbed another one but the mystery remained. Well, I noticed one of the parking lot rocks had writing on it--any kid that's played on that shale-filled beach learns early that you can use one rock to write on another one like a chalkboard--and I realized one rock had that writing. Out of curiosity, I hopped out of the car and sure enough, the rock had "Harvey" written on it, which was the kid's name! They must have left it on the ground while packing up! I called my uncle who was still inside since his was the only number I had handy, and he said my aunts were coming our way so I was able to give it to them so they could take it to Harvey's grandma who could get it to him. Nice way to end the day!
Carter and I considered stopping at Darien Lake on our way back. We did that last year and hadn't yet used our season passes this year, so I figured a quick stop might be fun, but he was tired so we just went straight home. It had been a great day, though, and we had more on tap the next day! But that's enough for another post...
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