So...it's December. I'm honestly still pretty perplexed how that happened. I already talked about how November just flew by, which seemingly never happens and only complicates my confusion, but this entire year just went poof. The beginning of the year was probably mostly wrapped up in the varsity basketball season--time flies when your life revolves around games every few days--followed by the crazy prep/panic for travel season. The end of the school year always gets crazy, summer flies, and then boom, we were at Disney. That was more than three months ago, and seems extra far away now that there's been snow flying outside. Usually it feels like we wait an eternity between Carter's Upward basketball evaluation in October and the season, but I just realized we should be finding out about his team in the next week or two. The season starts later in January, and we know how quickly the Christmas season goes, so we really just have to suffer through a couple long, cold weeks in January and we'll be starting that. And by the time that's over, it'll be spring! I simply can't fathom where the time goes these days.
Jacob's basketball season is officially underway. We had a two-game tournament last weekend, and I would say results were mixed. They went 1-1. Jacob has definitely evolved as a player so it was amazing to see how strong he could be at both ends of the floor. He's playing a different position so it's an adjustment for him, on top of recovering from his shin splints and dealing with a bad cold (not COVID--but it's been rough) and a nasty blister on the ball of his foot. He only got three points in the first game, but rebounded with seven in the second.
They played again on Monday at a fancy private school in Buffalo, and he got seven again. It was fun to have an audience as my parents and my aunt and uncle came. They really seemed to enjoy seeing him, particularly when he hit those two threes. The most recent game was a crazy one, where his team jumped out to a couple big leads and subsequently lost them. Jacob did well, hitting three threes and three foul shots, but he made a critical error in the last 30 seconds that nearly did them in. He is so used to being down in close games that he took a shot when he should have just held the ball for the shot clock, and because he missed the other team got the ball and scored, putting them up by one. Thankfully they got the ball back and his teammate got a clutch layup with about two seconds left, and the other team couldn't score. Whew. Just a dumb mental mistake but hopefully it was a good reminder to be super aware of the game situation.
He's playing pretty well but is struggling with two-point shots. It's really been an issue for a year, he estimates, and it's a combination of a mental block and now the fact that his leg just isn't giving him the lift he needs. In the last game he had a lot of opportunities but either got fouled or should have gotten fouled (based on the scratches on his hands and arm). Hopefully he'll break the seal with one of the easier games coming up. Despite trying to rest him to ease him back in, he's playing a lot because he's a core player on this new team. They are certainly better with him in, but it seems they are still finding their footing. There are a few good players but they're falling victim to dumb mistakes and some hero ball at times. We think they just need an easy game or two and they'll get their confidence on track, but it's still early. We're honestly really proud of how Jacob is playing and hanging in there despite all the health issues.
Even still, some days he comes home from practice so discouraged and defeated. I think his coach tries to use criticism to fire him up, but for Jacob and his personality, it only plays into his insecurities. As Jacob says, he can take external pressure and thrive under it (i.e., out on the basketball court), but when someone in his inner circle seems to lose faith in him, it crushes him. Similarly, we've seen time and time again that when he's out on the court playing for a coach that trusts him, and who he trusts won't pull him for a single mistake, he plays so well. But when he's getting yelled at or knows the coach will bench him quickly if he messes up, he overthinks everything and he's terrible. That's partly why last year was so rough. When his coach was sick early on and the former coach stepped in and started him, he played incredibly well. But when the coach came back and didn't hesitate to pull him immediately for a missed shot or defensive mistake, suddenly he was overthinking everything and his play was much less consistent. So much of basketball is instinct and quickness, and that extra moment of thought to avoid a screw-up can be killer.
We've told him that right now he mostly needs to take his coach's criticism with a grain of salt--try to hear what he's saying but focus on the big picture--because it's quite clear this team needs him, and unless he's a complete mess he will likely be playing and will be trusted in the long run. For some kids I can see this being a weird ego thing with a risk of overconfidence, but I don't think that's how it is for Jacob, at least not right now. He's not a selfish player (although he sometimes threatens to be when other people are doing it and he's not getting shots), so it's just not his nature to put the team at risk by being selfish. Will he take a lot of shots if given the chance? Sure. But I'd put his shot percentage up against pretty much anyone else on the team and he'll likely still give you the best chance to score. He's had such a rough year and is really feeling the pressure to live up to expectations. But the truth is that he's still just a freshman and he's been dealing with so much adversity that I don't think anyone can blame him right now. It's honestly heartbreaking to hear him talk about hating basketball and not wanting to play. It's usually only momentary, and deep down I know he loves it, but sometimes he just wants to train and play pick-up without stress. But there's no time for that now because his current practice schedule is so packed, so he feels completely trapped. We don't know how to help him aside from supporting him (even if it means a temporary or permanent break down the road), so we're just hoping he gets in a good groove soon.
As for Carter, he is just rolling along through the school year...or was until we got a note from his teacher this weekend. He was having an issue with a math unit, although it appears his issue was more how he was showing his work and how his teacher was struggling with understanding it. But it seems like his disorganization might be starting to catch up with him, so we really need to work on that--no more homework on the bus and maybe a few more limits on screen time. He still plays more video games than I'd like, especially since he figured out how to hook up with his buddies on Fortnite and 2K Basketball (and Jacob will play with him sometimes, too). I guess I can't complain if he's doing his school work and continuing to be involved at school, but maybe we need to keep a closer eye and add some extra limits so he's not rushing through his work to get to video games. He manages chorus and orchestra two days a week each before school, which means a lot of early mornings. He's also a safety, so he's corralling his fellow students before and after school as they head to and from the buses. He really is a sweet kid most of the time and I appreciate his willingness to be involved and to do good things around school. Jacob keeps giving him crap about the possibility of him being bullied in middle school, and it drives me nuts--in part because there's no reason to speculate, and in part because I know middle school can suck and it's entirely possible no matter how cool of a kid he is or how many friends he has. We submitted to have him switched to a different school than we're zoned for, primarily because it's considered the best school in the district and because that's where all of his best friends are going. I did have a twinge of worry because it's bigger, and maybe he'd be more comfortable in a smaller school, but I'm hoping the existing friendships offset that. We still have to get through the lottery, but we'll see. I think having an existing friendship base of kids you trust (and whose families you know) is huge. But then one of those kids went off and got an in-school suspension last week (we're still trying to find out why), which of course started a new wave of worries about peer pressure and stupid choices. Carter assured me he doesn't give in to peer pressure easily (using as an example the time most kids in his class tried a bite of the dangerous "one-chip challenge" and ended up at the nurse, and he did not), but at least I know that his friend's parents care that he screwed up (to the tune of three weeks with no video games), so I guess that gives me hope that more often than not these kids will make better choices knowing they have parents who won't hesitate to punish them.
Craig's birthday was this week, and Knighthawks season has also begun. Last weekend was the first home game, and this weekend he was in Saskatoon. Nothing like the Canadian prairies in December! His birthday dinner wasn't ideal since Jacob had practice (as usual--we barely get to eat with him anymore), but we had a nice time at UNO (where Carter discovered deep dish pizza!) and got Dairy Queen for dessert, and then brought food home for Jacob, too. He got some Indiana Jones gifts that the boys picked, which he loved.
And I'm over here just trying to get through the next couple weeks of work and buy gifts where I can. I'm slowly chipping away at the boys' gifts, and spent Sunday evening working through gifts for my niece and nephew and Carter's teacher. I finally got our Christmas cards ordered over the weekend and picked up a few more things this weekend, so we're getting there. Next up is organizing the kids' lists for my parents and brother. Craig handled most of his family around Black Friday, so just a few odds and ends there. There are so many things that always end up at the last minute, despite my best efforts, like stocking stuffers and last-minute suggestions or things I've been debating. Usually I look at what I have for the kids near the end and panic-buy one more thing to round things out and make sure they have enough for a fulfilling Christmas morning. I'm hoping to avoid that.
Speaking of Christmas morning, Craig reminded me the other day that he has a game on Christmas Eve Eve, which is our usual Christmas Eve. So that means we can't do evening church like we've been doing. I guess we'll do gifts that next morning anyway, but he'll just be a bit tired. We'll need to get moving to get to church in the morning, or at worst by noon, and then leave for Buffalo after that. It will make for a busy morning but as long as the rest of the holiday goes as planned I will try not to complain!
Otherwise this was a good weekend. Despite Craig being gone, we made the best of it. It was 63 degrees yesterday so I took a glorious 3.5 mile walk and did some yardwork. We destroyed the rest of our pumpkins, too, in between the boys playing some basketball. Today I got to have round 2 of monthly coffee with my friend. Did I mention that last month? I hadn't seen her in over a year for various reasons and periodically we would text and say we should get together. Last month I found myself with an empty weekend and we snuck in a coffee and a couple hours of conversation, which was amazing. So good we resolved to do it again, and we did. And we have one scheduled next month. It's so nice. We have a lot in common and it's been so good to catch up. I definitely need that kind of stuff in my life. Add in the aforementioned Christmas prep, and it was a pretty productive weekend.
Tomorrow I have day one with my first direct-report employee of my career (not counting unpaid interns with the Amerks), which will hopefully boost my standing a bit and help our department. I'm sort of dreading it because I don't think I'm a good manager, especially when stressed myself, but I have another employee hopefully coming within the next few months (who will actually make my job easier in the long run), so I guess practice makes perfect. I have my work Christmas party this week, too, so that will be a nice boost. Oddly, I sort of wish more Christmas things were happening right now, but I guess I should be thankful I'm not as busy as some people who have wall-to-wall parties and dozens of gifts to buy. I want to be absorbing as much of the holiday season as I can, but sometimes life distracts from it all. I am trying to enjoy the lights and decorations and music as much as I can, but in recent years it's been harder to just sit and take it all in. Maybe it's because we have big-kid Christmas now, or maybe my brain really did change during COVID. I just feel more distracted than ever, even though I'm more aware than ever how important it is to take in the little moments and savor them. Strange, isn't it?
Speaking of being distracted at Christmas time, lately I've been flashing back to the pre-winter break period at college. I think this dark time of year, coupled with a couple campus visits and a deep dive into my old college email forwards got my going. Last weekend Craig played this random SNL skit that was a gritty, dark Sesame Street, which reminded me of this "Sesame Street in Flames" forward that came around during my sophomore year. I laughed so hard trying to read it to Mary at the time that I was in tears and unable to read. It was so ridiculous and was probably the first reference I ever heard of Bert and Ernie being gay, and for whatever reason it just tickled my funny bone. It was so good that when I posted a Facebook status about the email forwards, it was one of the ones Mary mentioned--and remember, this is about 26 years later! I went digging to find the folder of emails I printed and kept, and ended up reading through all of them. I probably tossed 2/3 of them, but I did keep some other classics like Ways to Fail your Exam with Style and How to Drive your Roommate Crazy. Some were just classics. I also unearthed a couple really personal emails from guys--one that made me realize an old high school friend probably was flirting via email and things could have been interested had we actually crossed paths in college (he was in Rochester at the time). I thought I was just reading into things at the time, but no, it was pretty blatant. It might have been gaslighting before that was a thing, but we'll never know since we're both quite happily married and very different people now! There were also a couple from a guy I dated in college, probably one of my most special relationships, but also the one I probably botched the worst. It was interesting reading those because I had forgotten some of the stuff we dealt with at the time. It was bittersweet, for sure, and definitely a time where email was an art form and true long-form communication device. But this time--especially after seeing those exam-related email forwards--brings back memories of exam prep and final papers, all while trying to catch a bit of Christmas spirit among the stressa nd getting excited about going home to my own bed, good food, and no homework for six weeks. Absolute heaven. Oh, to be 20 again!
Anyway, there's no winter break coming to save me this year--save for a few days here and there--and the home cooking is now always mine (boo), but the countdown is still on. Two weeks to go...
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