I'm really on the struggle bus these days. COVID feels like it's closing in again, threatening whatever might be left of our summer and having the potential to derail the "normal" fall we thought we'd have. We all thought it would be a normal school year, but now it looks like masks will be a sure thing (which is actually the better of the scenarios), but with the way the delta variant is spreading, I don't think the in-school spread is going to be as minimal this time. I thought I'd be back to work, but as I mentioned last post, that has been delayed until at least the end of September. We're hoping to get Jacob vaccinated this week, although his basketball training schedule makes a sore arm less than ideal. Fortunately, the spread still isn't terrible here. We're seeing between 60-100 cases per day in the county, which is actually somewhere around what we had in late spring. The problem is that the new variant is so much more contagious that they say instead of each person passing it to two people like in the past, now they'll pass it to five, so I have a feeling those numbers are going to go up pretty quickly from here.
I'll be honest--I'm really starting to lose my patience with people. As I've mentioned before, we're one of the few mask-wearing families I see right now. Wegmans probably has the most masks, and even there it's probably a third of all people. I did feel like I saw more today than previously, so maybe that's a good sign. Previously I understood most of the "why" - vaccinated people were told they were safe without them and unvaccinated people should be wearing them but mask mandates ended so they took advantage. The one group I never understood was families like ours who have unvaccinated kids. We've known all along that vaccinated folks can still get it and pass it, but I guess they figure the kids wouldn't get it bad regardless? I just read an article about 10-20% of kids getting some form of long COVID, so maybe they should read that and reconsider. But now that it's becoming abundantly clear that vaccinated people are getting infected more than previously thought, I'm perplexed. Like, I understand there are few hospitalizations and almost no deaths among the vaccinated, but you can still spread it, you can still feel pretty horrible for a couple weeks, and you risk long-term symptoms. So why wouldn't you want to mask up and avoid that?
I'm eternally frustrated by the folks who claim the trifecta of resistance--refuse the vaccine, refuse to mask, and still insist everything should be open. When there's active spread in a community, you basically can't have them all without tremendous risk. Here's the thing--when it comes to schools in particular, there will be infections. Delta's just too strong and there won't be the ability to distance like we had during hybrid school last year. If, God forbid, you removed the only possible barrier to that by unmasking, there is going to be rampant spread. Masks aren't perfect, but they do block something more than an open mouth and nose, so it's all these unvaccinated little kids have. I know it's not awesome to spend the day in masks, but it's literally their only protection. And the thing is, even if their infections won't be bad, they'll risk passing it to at-risk adults (especially in an unvaccinated household) and it will necessitate quarantines and possibly school closures. When the state announced there would not be any official guidance coming out for school reopening, all these people were online proclaiming "Time for no masks at school!" Those are also the same people insisting on full in-person school (I mean, we all want that but some of us realize there will be risks that could change that), so they will be the first people complaining when schools close due to infections. So you can have one or the other: no masks and frequent remote learning, or masks and fewer school closures--pick one. No masks and minimal closures will not co-exist with delta, I am sure of it. The south is already seeing the effects of that a couple weeks into the school year.
I am so sick of people who still insist that masks are unhealthy and don't work at all. First of all, doctors and nurses have been using them for decades, so clearly they perform a function. Additionally, it wouldn't appear oxygenation is a problem since you don't hear much about doctors passing out in the middle of a six-hour surgery. Next, I understand cloth masks are not ideal. It would be better if people paid attention to fit, and if we really need N95s, it would be nice to hear that officially and have some way to ensure we can all get them without hoarding and shortages. But lacking that, most of us have surgical or cloth masks. As I said above, logically it just seems better to me to have something in front of the main germ entrances on your face. Any obstacle is better than none. I read an article that said that even though the virus is smaller than the holes in masks, the virus needs to hitch a ride on some sort of particle, which is usually a bit bigger, which means it won't fit through those holes as readily. The article also explained that those holes aren't just a straight-up swiss cheese hole--they are essentially tunnels, so not only does the droplet need to fit into the hole, but the length of the tunnel is even more surface area for it to get caught on. And for those that don't believe they make a difference, I challenge any of them to sneeze into their mask and again into their hand and tell me how much wetter their hand got without the mask. Anything that's on that wet mask got caught and is not floating in the air for someone else to inhale. Does some sneak out? Of course, but it's far less. And in a situation where viral load matters, every bit less helps--whether you're the one sneezing or the one nearby breathing it in. You may still get sick, but if your viral load is lower, you won't be as sick. I'm still convinced that's why Jacob hardly had any symptoms and didn't pass it to us. He was masked at all times out of the house, and I believe he got it from basketball where heavy breathing and "relaxed masking" (under the nose, maybe worse; and masks off while hydrating) are the norm. But if he was partially or entirely masked, it's possible he just had a super low viral load and would have been considerably sicker without masking. And other than COVID, Jacob only had one minor cold last year. Carter had a cold in the fall and another in the spring once distancing in schools was less, but that was it. No strep, no stomach bugs, nothing more than sniffles and sneezes--and certainly no mystery illness caused by breathing in the "moisture and bacteria" on the masks that some Facebook poster suggested was harmful to kids.
People are just so darn threatened by masks. No one enjoys wearing them, but geez, it's a piece of freaking cloth and it takes two seconds to put it on. Is it really so bad if it's the one thing that's allowing us to keep schools and businesses open? It's not a threat to your freedom, people. It's the one thing that can keep your freedom once this thing gets bad again. But people have so thoroughly convinced themselves that masks don't work, oppress their freedoms, and are only for sheep that they can't bear to wear them and anyone that does is stupid. And for all the people that insist their kids can't or shouldn't wear them, kids are resilient and they respond well to positive peer pressure. So if every kid is wearing them, their use is encouraged, and they're reminded that they're helping others and possibly themselves by wearing them, they'll generally be pretty accommodating. But if they're hearing trash talk at home and being told they're too good or too special to wear one, or not being properly trained to use one, of course they'll have trouble with it. I know special needs kids can be different, but the vast majority of kids can handle it just fine. I had people on Facebook telling me that I live in fear because I wear one, but you know what, I'm just practical. I don't feel like being sick, having my kids be sick, having to do remote school, or being stuck in my house. That all seems like a much bigger burden to me than putting on a mask, no?
And then there's the vaccine. Here's the thing--I get the hesitancy. Heck, Jacob has been eligible for months now and we're just getting around to it. His past infection was part of the reason--why risk complications if his antibodies could already protect him? It's a new vaccine and doesn't have years of data to look back on like so many childhood vaccines do. Mind you, millions have been vaccinated in a short period of time so there actually is a lot of data--just not the long-term kind that can shut down the conspiracy theorists who insist in two years we're all going to be dead or suffering from severe heart issues or something like that. But there are SO many medical professionals and researchers who have studied this--both coronaviruses and the vaccine technology--and so many have come to the same conclusions. Yes, there are outliers, but they are far outnumbered. And the vast majority of those professionals are not part of some big worldwide scheme. Most of them are John Doe doctors who took an oath to protect their patients, or Jane Doe researchers whose life goal is to help people through their work. They're not being paid off or connected to some master plan to destroy humanity. They genuinely want to do the right thing and believe this vaccine is it. I saw someone say something to the effect of, "If you see 10 doctors for your cancer and nine tell you to get chemo, are you really going to listen to that one rogue one, or might you actually come to the conclusion that the nine know what they're talking about?" You might consider it if it seems like a more comfortable, plausible route, but when your life is on the line, most would go with the clear expertise. And honestly, in this case, if all the doctors are wrong and those outliers were right, well...humanity is screwed and it's a pretty hollow victory for all the conspiracy theorists who will lose many friends and family members along the way.
I'll admit the cases of myocarditis among teenage boys who received the vaccine are definitely concerning, especially with an active athlete. But with how badly COVID spreads right now, the fact of the matter is that myocarditis is a major, common complication of COVID itself (as it is with the flu as well), and the likelihood of him getting COVID is higher, and the likelihood of getting myocarditis from COVID is considerably higher than it is from the vaccine. When I said that in response to a family friend's post about a teenage girl who had complications from the vaccine, I reminded her that myocarditis was found in as many as 60% of COVID cases vs. a very small percentage of vaccine recipients. But of course she couldn't address that and spouted off a bunch of random crap from fringe studies that likely aren't capturing the full context of things. Then she mentioned all the deaths in the VAERS database, but I reminded her that the database is not regulated and people can submit whatever they want without any formal, confirmed connection to the vaccine. Again, she avoided that and spewed something else. The fact of the matter is that no vaccine is perfect and every one we currently rely on has had people who reacted negatively. And if that happens to you or your family, it's certainly tragic. But those same vaccines have saved millions of lives worldwide, so would the world really be a better place if millions had died from polio or measles or whooping cough just to spare the tiny percentage that had an allergic reaction to the vaccine? Maybe if it was your child, sure, but in the grand scheme of things, the world needs this stuff to prevent greater death. And if you don't believe it, consider that death rates are down considerably and the vast majority of deaths and hospitalizations are coming from the unvaccinated.
Ironically, church has been a sore spot for me. They did so well with caution for so long, closing twice and opening up carefully each time, but recently the masked/distanced gym-turned-worship center has been pretty empty, and the vast majority of the kids in Sunday School aren't masked. It's literally scary to me to see a full church shoulder-to-shoulder unmasked, because all it takes is one infection and the church could have serious problems on its hands. A church in Florida just lost six members in 10 days with considerably more hospitalized or sick at home. And that church apparently had a vaccine push prior and encouraged masking (though no idea if people did or not--in Florida I'd think likely not). I was hoping that with the CDC guidelines changing that our church would make some changes, but none yet. I know they're worried about attendance--it's definitely still down--but it's hard to tell if people got out of the habit, find it easier to do remote, are steering clear until it's both free of regulations AND completely safe, or what. But it's disheartening that a bunch of Christians are more interested in comfort and than masking up for an hour to possibly protect others, and that so many are also choosing to leave their kids entirely unprotected. It's literally perplexing to me. Yes, we can have faith, but God also gave us doctors and medicines and science to make informed decisions.
The shocking amount of incorrect information and conspiracy theories that people are holding on to are nuts. In one post on a news site that I just HAD to respond to, people claimed masks don't work at all, that kids aren't carriers, that it's illegal immigrants' fault (I guess Missouri is such a border crossing hotspot that it spiked first? OK.), that it's a political propaganda tool (yes, the world is suffering because our politicians wanted to play games...again, OK.), and that actual cases are only 6% of what's reported (I can't even.). I can't tell if these people just watch too much Fox News, or if they stopped reading articles and studies 14 months ago, or think they've just been granted special immunity...?? I'm so confused how people don't hear enough stories and realize this is real, it's happening again, and the worst case scenario could come to you. I'm still confused how it went from, "Trump is amazing--he got the vaccine done in record time!" to "I'm not touching that poison from the left." I'm fascinated that Canada doesn't have this same kind of divide because the messaging from both leadership and the media has been consistent, and the media is still considered impartial (no Fox News, for starters), so it emphasizes the point that something went terribly wrong here. It just angers me that this became such a political issue when in truth it's not. Trump made downplaying it part of the party line, and anyone who didn't became the enemy. Science changes, folks. The story changes because the studies show us new things. I do think there's a fine line between telling the full truth and needing to exercise caution so certain groups don't go off the rails--like when masks were originally downplayed so people didn't hoard them away from medical use, or how breakthrough infections have been a bit downplayed so people don't write off the vaccine as useless before they understand the importance of the low hospitalization rate. So many people insist the government should butt out, but I've seen time and time again that a majority of people subconsciously take their lead from what the government is saying (at least when it's coming from their own side).
Like I said, for me this isn't about living in fear (although a healthy amount of fear is sometimes what keeps us out of danger), but rather just being proactive and managing very real risks. And even if those risks aren't high currently, it only takes one chance encounter to become a statistic and I'd rather stay in the habit anyway since we know it's coming back. I want to find real solutions to maintain as much of a normal life as possible, while being mindful of the risks. For us that means go out and do things, but wear a mask inside, try to stay outdoors if possible, and consider the risks of a crowded place, whether indoors or out. Where those judgments land for different people is going to vary wildly, but ignoring that this is happening (again) doesn't really seem like a solution to me, especially when one person's inaction can start a chain reaction that impacts so many others. You'd think we as a country would have learned a lesson when it got downplayed a year ago, and then it was too late to stop the speeding train. I don't want to miss Christmas again, or worry about whether Halloween or Thanksgiving will be safe, nor do I want my kids learning from home. So if there are things we can do now to prevent that, why does it have to be so hard? Why can't COVID be the common enemy rather than each other?
As a side note to all of this, I can definitely tell all of this is starting to wear on me in a different way than it did for the first year or so. My focus feels worse. Certain tasks just feel insurmountable on certain days, from cleaning to working out. I wake up tired every day, no matter how much sleep I get--though falling asleep on time has been an issue, too, both due to a busy brain and wanting to stretch evening "me time" as long as possible. I long to do more out in the world, but when the time comes, sometimes doing it feels exhausting. Things that I normally like doing--like bike riding, going in the pool, baking, or even this blog some days--just feel like too much work. Zoning out on my phone is easier, but then I get down on myself for being unproductive and it starts a vicious cycle. Things that I was so gung-ho to do six months ago, like redo my kitchen or upgrade my landscaping, just feel impossible to wrap my brain around. Even planning our vacation is a sore spot--can I manage packing and long distance travel? Will we be safe, or will it not even be possible in a few weeks because things will have escalated? How do we work around weather? I wanted to fit in a day in New York City while we're that close, but mentally, it's so much to think through. Even the thought of going back to work felt a little overwhelming, but now I have another month-plus to work through that. I still need to get the boys' school stuff ready, from supplies to Jacob's uniforms, and the uniforms in particular just feel like too much to coordinate since shirts need to be special ordered and pants are always a tricky fit. It's hard to understand why this is such an issue now all of a sudden, but I'm just trying to manage one task at a time, psyching myself up to tackle it, just hoping I don't run out of time before I get to that point. It still feels more functional than functional depression or anything like that, but it's definitely not how I want to be getting through my days. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's disappointment, maybe it's the lack of changes of scenery, maybe I just really need a vacation. And with every jump in cases, with every delayed return to work, the question marks just get bigger. My hope dies another little death every time I see people resisting actions that could help reduce the spread. I'm just...sad. Sad for my kids, sad for us, sad for the second half of the year we thought we'd have. I'm sad for teachers that need to choose between another year of masked faces and risking their life (or their students'). I'm sad for all the people who have lost loved ones or are battling long COVID, particularly those who took precautions but were failed by others. There's really no end in sight again, and it's hard to take when there was once so much hope. You'd think we could all work together against this common, clear enemy, but who knew masks and vaccines were deal breakers? Stay safe, folks. It's a long road ahead.
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