It's inadvertently been a bit of a nostalgic week. I guess it has just served as another healthy reminder that life goes fast.
Monday was Craig's and my 18th wedding anniversary. It was a bit anticlimactic as he worked outside the house pretty much all day, and even if that wouldn't have been the case, we'd have been shuttling Jacob to and from basketball and sitting at soccer in the blazing heat in the evening instead of celebrating. Hopefully we'll do something eventually, but the day itself was a bit of a dud. I got flowers and candy when Craig got home, so that was nice. But hopefully we can jointly give it the attention it deserves soon.
Eighteen years is a long time, though. When you celebrate your first anniversary, anything in the realm of 10 years, let alone pushing 20, seems monumental. Even in a situation where you hope to be married forever, you hear about people celebrating late teens, 20s, 30s, etc., and it just seems like it's so far away and will take forever to get there. And then you have kids and get distracted and it seems like things speed along reasonably quickly, to the point you hit 18 and you're like, wow, that was a long time. If it was a child, they'd be graduating and moving into legal adulthood. So I guess our marriage is officially an adult, right?
I looked back through our wedding photos to find one to post, and oddly felt some sadness and regret. One issue is that our photographer was a good friend, and while she was a professional (and very budget-friendly), the results weren't quite what we were hoping for, at least in retrospect. Not that we even knew what to ask for, mind you, because that was before wedding photos became such a major "thing". Now we know about what kind of dramatic, creative, fancy posed shots in amazing places people get, but I suppose we didn't put enough thought into it then. Ours ended up being extra simple and bright sun caused some squints in one set of photos, and there just weren't a lot of opportunities to do more in different settings, so what we had in each pose was limited. I printed a handful over the years, but that was about it. I've long thought about trying to fit back into my dress (not a problem up until a couple years ago but I think I might have an issue now), getting us both all done up (plus the kids) and doing a "redemption shoot" at cooler places that would be a nod to our wedding but take into consideration who we are now. Maybe the arena where we met, maybe Rochester landmarks like High Falls, Highland Park, Maplewood Rose Garden, or the Memorial Art Gallery steps. I felt pretty on my wedding day, and I suppose the pictures capture that, but nowadays I feel like pictures look almost magical--like a surreal beauty of both the bride and the scenery, and I don't feel like many of our pictures really capture things that way. They look a bit "everyday" despite being a once-in-a-lifetime moment.
Another tinge of sadness was when I realized how our relationships have changed with our wedding party. I still see Mary, of course, but those visits are mostly down to concerts, which has obviously been a while now, and due to some differences in socio-political views, I worry about how our conversations might evolve when we finally do hang out again. Another bridesmaid I've only seen once since her wedding 13 years ago (not for lack of trying for a number of years), another is now my ex-sister-in-law (sigh), and while I still see my cousin plenty, our relationship is no longer as close as it once was either. The only exception is Heather, who I probably see far more now that her rapidly growing baby boy makes frequent visits an even higher priority, whereas previously it was easy to let life get in the way and rely on seeing each other at church over the holidays (thankfully our parents switched churches to the same one years ago!). We always just picked up right where we left off anyway, but now if we wait too long, her baby boy won't be a baby anymore! Craig's side is much the same. Aside from his brother and my brother, he sees and communicates with his three friends pretty rarely, not for any specific reason other than phases of life have changed things. It's hard to understand why life does that, but I know we're also not alone in that reality.
Watching our honeymoon video a number of months back was actually pretty sobering because it was a very clear reminder how much we have aged. I feel like I look pretty good for 42, but seeing my extra young, baby-faced 24-year-old self in the video was like, wow, maybe I have changed a lot. Same with 30-year-old Craig, although he really got himself into shape over the last couple years so in many ways he seems younger than he did for a long time. But it's one of those reminders (like the Friends and Real World Reunions) just how mercilessly time passes when you're preoccupied with being busy with life.
Lately I've been obsessing over trying to plan some sort of summer vacation. We didn't get to do much last year, and the prior summer was pretty underwhelming as well (only one trip to northern New York), so I can't let another summer go by without some sort of significant, memory-making getaway for us. We've been trying to figure out a Disney trip for a couple years, which the pandemic further derailed. I started thinking about it for late this summer, but we'd previously asked Craig's parents about using their Disney Vacation Club membership for accommodations, and I have no idea if that would be available on such short notice. Also, with this new delta variant of the coronavirus gaining strength, I don't know if it would be wise to take unvaccinated kids on a plane or down to a decidedly anti-mask area that will more than likely be extra cranky about going back to any sort of restrictions. It could cause another spike by the end of summer, and I'd hate to have all those plans and then risk canceling them. So maybe that has to wait longer. But I'm coming up short on where we should go. The DC side trip we were hoping to take for Jacob's basketball fell through, and Jacob will most likely be going to DC in the spring with school. I've long wanted to go back to the Jersey Shore, but it seems like such a long drive and my favorite place to stay is so expensive--not to mention it's hard to get a place nearby under normal circumstances, let alone now when people are desperate to travel and partial to primarily outdoor locations. One trip we will likely take (maybe on its own, maybe with something else) is to the new Legoland downstate. I want to go there before the boys are too big to appreciate the family-friendly rides and theming. I mean, Lego is pretty universal, but I can see where they'll lose some interest in the coming years, so I'd like to get that done now. We also want to hit up Darien Lake closer to home, though my parents mentioned that as a potential activity when my brother and his kids come east in August, so that's on hold for the moment. I suppose there are so many places we could go, but I'm just not feeling creative. And with Disney on the horizon, money is obviously in the back of my mind. But I know we need to do something because the regret from the last two years weighs heavily.
As I thought back to our past vacations, I realized Carter may not even remember much about real family vacations since he was pretty young when we did vacations that were not based around tournament travel. We did a pretty good job during Jacob's first tournament summer adding in activities around games, including the Hershey factory tour, a day in Philadelphia, a quick stop in Gettysburg, and two baseball games. The second year we were less successful due to schedules and locations, but I know Carter loved Howe Caverns and Jacob loved the Basketball Hall of Fame that summer. Prior to that, we did a pretty good job making the most of the cities around us, doing Toronto in 2016, Erie in 2015, and Syracuse in 2014. We did zoos, museums, baseball games, and more on those trips, which was much easier not having to work around wacky lacrosse tournament schedules. We also did a pretty good job in those summers supplementing with amusement parks and other daytrips. But Carter was only three on the Toronto trip, the last real vacation. We had a couple vacation-like days on the North Country trip, but my guess is Carter has very little concept of a real vacation. I can't wait for him to experience Disney, but anything beyond these kinds of local trips still seems overwhelming right now, for so many reasons.
Looking at photos of our previous trips (both to reminisce and to inspire ideas) brought back a lot of memories. Some of those trips were so challenging we swore we'd never do another one (particularly Toronto), but those memories were important to try to make at the time. The kids were impossible to manage in the hotel room and inevitably complained about half of what we did, but looking back we did some pretty fun stuff and I'm glad we pushed through. I have missed going to random minor (and major) league ballparks since I have a reminder of those trips whenever I use our second bathroom that has walls full of pictures from each park. The Royal Ontario Museum (with Chihuly) and Casa Loma were great experiences, and Howe Caverns was definitely memorable for both kids. We've done some great zoos and had some great amusement park and water park visits, both on vacation and closer to home. But we had a lot of in-between moments on our trips that I wish would have been better or easier, but even if the kids don't remember everything, we do. I just wish more of it was positive. But if our first Disney trip could come out with positive memories almost eight years later, almost anything could.
Vacations got easier a few years ago--the Veterans' Day weekend trip to Maryland for lacrosse was the first one I remember going well, although the prior summer's lacrosse trips had their good moments, too--and I always tell our therapist that I think we do better when we're on a mission. At home the kids get bored and ping between full on screen use to Jacob using less-effective means to get Carter off screens, and eventually something goes horribly wrong. But when we're out in the world with a purpose, we seem better. The kids seem distracted enough most of the time to lay off each other, and we experience some new stuff, which does wonders for me and should be good for the kids if they take it in properly. But over the last couple years those experiences have been limited, and while part of me is craving adventure badly, the other part is a little overwhelmed at the thought and isn't quite sure how to venture out from our hermit life. So, I guess I need to get creative and start thinking through our next adventure. I have a starting point, I think, but just need to figure out some other stops to make it a full trip. We'll see how far I get, but the beginning of the holiday weekend has been a good push in the right direction. More on that soon...
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