The Verdict

Last night, after waiting for word all day, I found out what one part of the next few months of my life look like.  I will have five weeks of furlough scattered through the next three months.  My first week is in two weeks, then I'll be back for three, off for one, back for one, off for two, back for two, and then off for one.  That takes us to the end of July, at which time it looks like I'll be back to work on a normal schedule because we'll be ramping things up for the start of our year.  Of course, all of this is reliant on this virus cooling its jets by then.  There's no telling what happens if we have another wave, so let's just focus on now, shall we?

While it's a bit of a bummer, particularly because I'm not sure what to think about being on the higher end of the number of weeks (it sounded like our department's range was one to six weeks), not all the news is bad.  Almost everyone from our building is impacted in some way, and in our department, they chose to spread it out as much as they could to minimize the impact to any single person, which was both expected and perfectly fine with me.  All of my weeks fall within the range for federal unemployment, in addition to state, which actually seems to put me at or above what I'd make normally.  I don't know how that all shakes out with taxes or considering I'll still be paying for parking and my health insurance premium for both on and off weeks, but all things considered it could be a lot worse financially.  Of course, that's assuming I can get on unemployment promptly, which has not been the case for countless numbers of people.  I'm hoping that by the time I apply in a couple weeks, most of the logjam and bugs will have been cleared out and it'll be smooth sailing.

I get to keep my health insurance, which is huge, since that was the second thing that freaked me out (after my co-workers' stress levels) when I lost my job five years ago.  I'll also continue to earn vacation, which is good even I'm not using it right now, but it could also lead to a bit of a glut at the end of the year with what I'm allowed to carry over.  Because I'm not fully furloughed, I can also still access my email throughout.  They can't ask me to do any work while I'm off, but realistically I'll probably check in a couple times each week to make sure I'm not missing anything or leaving anyone hanging.  I'm sure there will be backups in place but sometimes you just need to get that stuff taken care of so you don't set yourself up for a bigger mess down the road.  Even during my maternity leaves, I told my colleagues that if there was something I could take care of in minutes that would otherwise take them significantly longer, please contact me because I'd rather save them the agony they would be experiencing due to my absence.  It only happened once, I think, and I was happy to help as a friend.  Since they legally can't share schedules, it will be a little bit of a mess trying to figure out who to contact when, but I guess we'll figure it out.

Since the money isn't a specific concern at this point, I'm just trying to look at this as forced vacation.  I'll get two weeks off while Carter is still in school, which means I can dedicate those weeks to helping him, which I would have liked to do more of since this started.  I'm figuring we might be able to pick a "field trip" or two, do some fun educational stuff, and just try to spice things up from our survival mode bare minimum tasks right now.  One of the weeks I'm off I probably would have taken significant time off anyway, because it's 4th of July week and our one slow week before the books close.  Otherwise, I have off Jacob's birthday week, not that I'll have a party to plan, but at least I'll have options.  The rest of the time will probably just force me to take vacation I always think I should take but never do.  I always worry about getting too far behind at work, or about spending too much money on trips or staycation activities, but then when the kids are back in school in the fall, I always feel bad we didn't do more.  The good news is this will essentially force me to take that time, but the bad news is that activities, travel, and money will all be on the limited side.  Overall, the weeks are decently spread out, which is good for balancing keeping things moving and mental health breaks.  And I still get to work our big Day of Giving plus the important weeks surrounding it, so that was a relief, as well.  I've had to deal with extended time off before, and I actually mostly enjoyed my unemployment five years ago, aside from the stress of finding a job before my severance ran out.  It's rare to get time for yourself--even if this round involves the constant presence of the entire household and the inability to incorporate much activity away from the house--so I'm going to try to appreciate it while it lasts.

The only downside to all of this currently is that it leaves a lot of unknowns for the kids' summer plans.  Usually now would be the time to register for summer camps, but camps don't even know if they'll be able to operate.  Jacob's camp has to wait until late May to make a decision, and that could cause them to lose the counselors they had previously hired, if they choose to find more secure plans.  If that happens, they won't have as many slots available.  Beyond that, I don't know how I'll feel sending either kid off to camp where social distancing will be difficult, since the virus will still be out there.  Based on my furlough schedule and Craig working from home indefinitely due to renovations at his office, we probably wouldn't need any camp until August anyway.  But if we're not clear on our plans until then, will we even have any options left when the time comes?  Then again, maybe we will since everyone's work schedules and income are thrown off and more kids than usual will be home.  On the other hand, the thought of letting them continue these months of unlimited screen time and unstructured time scares me a bit.  Yes, they'll have basketball and the pool to get them outside, but the screens are too tempting, especially for Carter.  I know neither of us has the energy to constantly keep them on a real schedule or deal with the constant complaining when screens aren't an option, so forced structure outside the house might be welcome by then.  But then again...the cost savings would be nice.  Camps cost thousands over those summer weeks, so I won't mind recouping at least some of that.  I'm still hoping that there will be an extension for using the money that was taken out of my paycheck pre-tax for child care, so I don't lose any of it.  If not, I think stopped my withdrawals soon enough that I might be okay if the afterschool program picks up as usual in the fall, but it will cut it close.  Regardless, I'd hate for the kids to not get those social experiences and field trips all summer, but for one summer I think it'll be okay.  Either they'll think it was the best thing ever to have a free summer, or they'll be really ready to go back to some sort of camp next year.  Sadly, this is probably Jacob's last eligible summer for his camp, so he might have free summers from here on out--excluding basketball camp weeks, of course!  Anyway, there's so much in limbo with these issues right now that this is probably what's making me more crazy than anything else.

Even though I've been assured that this has nothing to do with my contributions or value to the organization--to the contrary, they over-emphasized the opposite through this process--I'm still struggling a bit.  Almost everyone is dealing with this, so I know it's not personal.  But then I wonder how my time compares to others, and whether it indicates I'm considered less essential to the team.  Maybe I should just be grateful for my five weeks off, because given the lesser financial burden, maybe I'd be annoyed if other people got more of a break than me.  Who knows?  I am trying not to let these last two weeks feel lame duck-ish, because truly they're not, but it feels weird.  I keep trying to tell myself that it's like preparing to go on vacation, but for some reason I can't make it feel that way yet.  Add in that everything legally has to be sort of secretive, and it just feels awkward around the team.  Our group chat was almost non-existent today, and I wonder if everyone was down, or felt odd not talking about it, or if it was just a randomly quiet day.  It's like this big elephant in the room that we can do nothing about, but due to my personality, I'm left wondering if it's bothering me more than other people.  I'll even out eventually, but this week, it's bugging me.

I'm glad I can plan ahead now, and I'm looking forward to a little time off, even if it's not in the way I'd normally prefer.  There are still so many unknowns, though, so it's just one small piece of a big, complicated puzzle.  I guess I just have to hope for better weather and enthusiastic children so we can make the most of it.