Modified Mother's Day

We knew this Mother's Day would be a bit different with all of the social distancing going on, but it was still a bummer to consider that for a second straight holiday we'd miss quality time and tasty food with family.  For me, I hadn't seen my parents in person in about three months, not since Carter's birthday party.  Soon after that party they left on a two-week trip, and once they got back they had bad colds and it was also the early stages of the Coronavirus ramp-up, so I wasn't really eager to visit just in case what they brought back wasn't just a cold.  Craig's family was really the last outside contact we had, for his mom's birthday, on the Sunday of the weekend where everything seemed to happen all at once.  But still, that was nearly two months ago now itself.

On one hand, maybe this was my opportunity to have a Mother's Day for myself.  We've always said that as long as our moms are around, we will defer to them.  And we absolutely have, gladly.  Whenever we can see them and spend part of the day with them, we will.  Last year my mom was traveling, so we had a full day with Craig's family that wrapped up with us listening to a crazy Raptors game on the way home and making it to our TV in time to see the Game 7 last-second, buzzer beating, bouncing shot by Kawhi Leonard that put the Raptors into Round 2 and set the stage for their amazing championship run!  But for the most part we try to split the day as much as possible.  But this year, if we couldn't visit our moms, maybe this was my chance to have my own day for once.  But honestly, there aren't a lot of activities we could do anyway, the weather wasn't great (cold and a bit drizzly), and we have every single other day at home with just the four of us--for two months now, and for the foreseeable future.  I wanted to do something.

Craig was hesitant to go to Buffalo, especially since their Coronavirus situation is so much worse than ours.  However, the plan was to literally stop at both parents' houses and head back home, with no stops in between if we could help it.  We had masks for everyone, just in case of bathroom stops or a snack break.  We stopped at a nearby farm stand on the way out of town to get some flowers, and I was the only one that got out and shopped.  I picked out lovely hanging plants for the moms and a cute planter of pansies for our sister-in-law.  Off to Buffalo we went!  Can I just say how weird it was to be in the van for the first time in two months, and to have all four of us in one vehicle?  I think Carter's only been on one car ride since the first day or two of this quarantine, so it had to be extra odd for him!  Under normal circumstances we'd have been spending every other weekend of the last month driving all over New York for basketball tournaments, so for this to be our first time like that in two months was a bit crazy!

Our first stop at Craig's parents' was pretty short.  I was surprised he didn't do more front porch chatting, but his mom was happy to see him and thankful for the flowers.  She was still in comfy clothes, and I think Craig was hesitant to go inside, so short it was.  One thing we noticed was how jam-packed his parents' street was.  It looked like everyone was having parties!  Maybe that's why Buffalo's counts are so high?!  There was a lot of traffic in general, which was a bit surprising, but it was still odd to see the Galleria Mall and so many other areas completely deserted.

Then we went to my parents' house.  I hadn't even hinted we'd be coming, so I just wanted to do a nice, socially distanced surprise delivery.  I put the flowers and some chocolates I had originally bought for Easter (well-packaged for freshness, thank goodness) on the porch with a card, rang the doorbell, and stood at the bottom of the porch steps.  Both of my parents were thrilled to see me, to the point my dad ran in the house to grab a mask so he could hug me!  Then my mom took it and hugged me, too!  Even though it was a bit chilly, we still chatted out front for about 20 minutes or so.  It was really good to see them, especially since my mom had just had minor knee surgery earlier in the week.  She's getting around well with not a lot of pain, but still some therapy and a lot of patience before she'll be up to full speed again.  They peeked in on the kids in the van and then we wrapped things up to get back home.  We did make a stop at a Tim Hortons drive-thru for snacks, though!

Back at home, my job was to figure out what dinner I wanted to order in.  Unfortunately, most of the main restaurants in consideration were having trouble with their online ordering sites due to high volumes.  I was having a lot of trouble finding anything--particularly when taking into consideration Jacob's limitations--and for whatever reason, the trouble started a downward spiral.  It was a lot of pressure to pick something that worked for everyone and get it done in a timely manner before we were all starving.  And even then, once you add in ordering difficulties and presumably long wait times, it all just seemed impossible.  Before I knew it, nothing sounded good to me, my appetite disappeared, and no option seemed viable.  And yet I didn't want to cook, either--not just because it was "my day" and I had my heart set on not cooking, but also because it would mean completely rearranging my meal plan for the week and that was beyond my comprehension as well at that point.  It wasn't looking good.

Remember in a previous post where I talked about dealing with stress by isolating myself in my bed?  I've decided that's sort of my version of an anxiety attack, or some sort of extra short depressive episode.  When my brain has a plan and things start derailing it, for whatever reason at rare times it must trigger my anxiety in an odd way.  When that happens, it becomes a full derailment, throws all the cars off the track, and I just sort of shut down.  I go over countless scenarios to fix it, but nothing seems to work.  It usually leaves me wallowing in self-pity for a while, feeling helpless to snap out of it.  It feels very much out of my control, and I imagine it's very similar to what people feel in the midst of depression--you want to snap out of it, you want to do better, but nothing seems to make it better and you simply cannot will yourself to do it.  For me, it usually takes a few hours for it to run its course.  Sometimes it finishes when I can finally right myself enough to find a less-desirable but workable solution, but in this case the damage was already done--I botched the rest of our Mother's Day--so I finally just tried to get my mind off it by watching some Fuller House.  So, in the meantime, instead of me picking my choice of a Mother's Day feast and us eating together, Craig eventually had to grab himself and the kids some food (KFC for Carter and Chipotle for him and Jacob--and no, nothing sounded appealing to me), and my dinner ended up being some ice cream and veggie straws around 10pm when I finally felt hungry.  So, no, not the best second half of the day.

I was feeling better yesterday, as I always do after something like this, and I even got my belated gift--a wine glass with a "Friends" theme that says, "Mother's Day 2020 - The One Where They Were Quarantined" (because all the episodes of "Friends", one of our favorite shows, were titled in that way).  While I'm bummed that I messed up our evening, I am thankful that these episodes--whatever they are--are short-lived.  They may be inconvenient, but they don't happen too often.  So far they seem pretty straightforward and end predictably.  It may be good therapist fodder someday, especially if it gets worse.  But let's hope not.  I think this whole quarantine experience must just be weighing on my brain a bit more, and when some sort of scenario makes it a bit more complicated, it just feels far more complex.  Some days I can handle it fine, but for whatever reason, on other days it triggers something that's out of my control.  I know that it helps to plan ahead--hence my dedication to dinner planning recently--and I know that right now is not normal in any way, so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself or make too much of it.  I guess if anyone had to ruin my Mother's Day, I'm glad it was me.  Better luck next year, I guess!