Private School Panic

I went to private school for the first nine years of my academic career.  I think it was pretty low-key as far as private schools go, as we didn't have uniforms and the school structure never seemed particularly complex to me.  We had a dress code (no shorts, no profane messages, dress up on Wednesdays for chapel), discipline was pleasant enough for a Christian school, and class sizes were very manageable.  Aside from the complexities of dealing with the same dozen or so classmates, give or take a couple each year, for nine straight years, it was a generally positive experience.  I liked most of my teachers, I was well-positioned education-wise when I entered public high school, and given that it was at my church it was a very comfortable place for me.  I had friends (most of the time), I was a cheerleader, our basketball teams won some championships, and I have very fond memories of so many things.  I was probably a bit ill-prepared for the social and structural elements of high school, as changing classes and hallway lockers were relatively foreign concepts to me, and having different kids in every single class took some getting used to.  I still remember the first day anxiety each year of wondering who would be in each class, and always feeling a little disappointed by who wasn't.  But despite those things, adjusting from a class of 13 to a class of 404 went pretty well, all things considered.

Jacob is doing the reverse.  He spent the first six years of his academic career in public school, and now he's headed to private school.  While it probably didn't feel like it at the time, I feel like our public school experience was pretty low-key itself.  We only had a handful of school supplies to buy and he only had a handful of different teachers each year (main teacher, art, music, library, and gym, with the latter four staying mostly the same for at least three years of the six).  His classmates changed each year, but inevitably each year there would be at least a few he knew from other years.  Maybe not his best friends--okay, never his best friends--but at least someone to buddy up with until things got easier.  It got easier to know what to expect, to the extent that Carter's first day last year was mostly only nervewracking because I didn't know how he would respond.  The rest of it was pretty much routine by then.  And bonus points for this year, apparently we'll already know his teacher!

But as far as Jacob goes this year...holy crap, folks.  I am overwhelmed.  I think middle school would be overwhelming enough on its own, but private middle school is something entirely different.  I've already discussed the challenge of summer reading, but there are so many other things I am freaking out about, and we don't start school for nearly six weeks (wait, only six!?).  Here's the top ten:

1) Uniforms - A friend whose kids go to another private school posted on Facebook Friday that they went to take care of his uniforms that day.  I was sort of thinking that I wanted to wait as long as possible so Jacob didn't outgrow them before school started, but now I'm panicked.  For one, his shirts have to be specific shirts from one supplier, and I have no idea if there's an ordering time.  Second, their direction on pants and shoes isn't super specific, so now I'm not sure if we can get more clarification on specific guidelines their web page takes for granted.  Can logos be visible?  Are there certain stores we need to stick to?  What prevents them from being considered "dress pants"?  Can he wear any closed toe shoe, or just dress shoes?  Jacob is super picky, both for style and comfort reasons, so I'm sort of concerned about finding stuff that fits their criteria and his, all on time and without us killing one another in the middle of the store.  I seriously have no idea if a tie every day (well, once golf shirt season is done) is going to make him crazy.  Speaking of ties, we need to find more!  Maybe some of Craig's cast-offs will fit?  Clearly, a lot to figure out here...and that's not even getting into how much this will be costing us, both now and when he inevitably outgrows everything in six months.

2) School supplies - The website posted a lengthy list, and it's apparent that we're going to be joining the ranks of the poor saps looking for the one store that still has a purple, one-inch, three-ring binder and the white two pocket folder for the next many weeks.  I'm going to spend more on his scientific calculator than I probably did on all of his supplies combined in previous years.  Our district--probably because it has its fair share of low-income students--has traditionally provided 95% of the supplies at no cost to us.  Generally we just needed to supply any teacher-specific items (one year it was two reusable shopping bags) and a handful of general classroom supplies like tissues, ziploc bags, or wipes.  There are 22 items on Jacob's list, and it's only going to get worse from here.  My goal is to ask Facebook which online ordering sites are the best, and go from there.  Even if it's a couple bucks more, I'll probably save that in gas trying to find the tricky stuff anyway.

3) Busing - Busing is provided through our district, but it goes into a different district so it seems to get all sorts of complicated.  Given that the school day starts at 8am, and it'll probably take at least 35 minutes to get there, I'm assuming he'll get picked up somewhere in the realm of 7:15am, which is terribly early in our household as it stands currently.  Of course, we won't know that for sure until probably the last minute, as bus passes usually arrive around the last week of August.  That only gives us a week or so to figure out what sorts of crazy adjustments we're going to need to make to ensure this is doable.  Packing lunch at night? Showering at night? Going to bed an hour earlier? Figuring out how to make Jacob actually hear his alarm clock when it goes off? One of us getting up early enough to ensure he not only makes it to the stop but can still get to school on time if he doesn't? And if I get up earlier, can I shift my work schedule so I don't lose that extra morning time?  Because of course, he will be taking the bus directly home in the afternoons, and we've already established how much he hates being home alone.  So if I shift my schedule will that solve that issue?  I have no idea what's possible or necessary right now, and something tells me the first week will not be the ideal time to have to figure it out.  Oh, and since we're in a different district, some days off could be different, and if there's no busing in our district, guess who's on the hook to get him there?  Yay.

4) Academic schedule - Speaking of the different district issue, that also means that the kids will have different days off.  This year was glorious in that if one was off, so was the other, so it felt like a two-for-one when I had to take off work to watch them.  The new academic schedule isn't posted yet for Jacob's school (which is a whole other thing bugging me), but based on last year, there are some super wonky vacations - extra days tacked on to longer holidays, random in-service days, and a crap-ton of half days during exam weeks that I am desperately hoping do not apply to middle school kids.  Given that our district already has a lot of funky days for no apparent reason, it's going to be complicated trying to manage all this time off, especially now that Craig has significantly less vacation than he used to since his job switch.  I have the time to take, honestly, but being able to take it without getting behind or putting my boss in a tough spot will be challenging.

5) Orientation - In addition to not having posted the updated academic schedule, they have not posted the orientation schedule yet.  That would not be a big deal except that it appears to be a three-day process and at least two of those days are half days without busing available.  Which means we'll be on the hook to get him there, get him home, and figure out what to do with him then.  I have no idea if parents are encouraged to stick around or not, as we're at that odd age where maybe it's good for us to be around to help, but maybe we're infringing on newfound independence and being embarrassing just by existing.  Carter will also be done with camp by then, so if parents do stick around, can siblings be there too?  Even if they can, Jacob would NEVER want Carter there to embarrass him further, so who knows what we'll do about that.  Presumably further details may not be available until the last minute, or even at all, so that has me nervous now, too.

6) Changing classes - While it appears that their structure keeps class changes far more minimal than public middle school at this point, just seeing all those different colors of folders and binders needed for his subjects gave me anxiety about how he's going to keep all this stuff straight.  It's going to be far more than he's used to juggling, and presumably there will be more homework to go with all of those folders and binders, so will he ever be able to remember what he needs to bring with him each night?

7) Lockers - As I mentioned, the locker thing definitely took some getting used to when I started high school.  Luckily I had a gym locker through middle school, so I knew how to use a combination lock, but Jacob never has, so that will be challenge #1.  With all of those folders and binders (and presumably books) and their associated homework, how will he keep it neat and organized so he doesn't lose everything?  Based on how his room looks, it will probably be a cesspool in no time.  His supply list included TWO locker shelves, which is actually even more intimidating because it confirms how much stuff will be in there!  Speaking of which, are all locker shelves standard?  Do we need to shop around for this to find better ones, or will any do?  I have no idea.  If I recall correctly, I inherited my brother's contraption of four 2x4 pieces and some plywood because "cute" locker decor didn't even exist back then.

8) Community service - On the academic schedule, I noticed a few community service days.  They appear to be regular school days that will be spent doing community service.  I think that's actually amazing, but I can't help but wonder how he will react to those.  Jacob has never been particularly charitable, and his enthusiasm for things he doesn't relate to can be lacking.  So while I think he can use these lessons immensely, I can't help but wonder how it will go.  Will he be dragging his feet and be generally unhelpful?  Will they go to the old folks' home and he'll either ignore the people he's helping or offend them with some well-intentioned but terribly misguided remark?  No clue.  He did actually like it a couple years ago when we went to stuff soap and washcloth bags for the Operation Christmas Child boxes at church, so maybe he'll surprise me.  Let's just hope in this case that peer pressure is to his benefit.

9) Homework - I know I've sort of already covered this with my summer reading concerns, but beyond just getting used to doing it at home, I wonder about the timing and the quality.  Can he come home from school and avoid the video game trap to do it right away?  Particularly if no one is there to remind/force him?  Will he put in a solid effort, or just rush it to get done?  Can I convince him to do it in quiet, or with only music?  Or will he think he can watch YouTube videos and still properly focus?  This, of course, assumes what I mentioned above--that he will be able to remember, among the large assortment of books and folders from so many classes, what he actually needs to bring home.  I know he will forget things, but the question is, how many times will it have to happen before he learns his lesson?  I have a feeling he is going to have to finally use that agenda he ignored all last year and be diligent about writing it all down.  Yikes.

10) Little Stuff - There's a bunch of random little stuff that I think counts for one big additional ball of stress when combined.  For example, what do big kids use for lunch bags?  I bought lunch in high school, and before that it was plain paper.  But now insulated bags seem to be pretty mainstream...but do big kids use them?  We bought a new Nike one over the weekend because Jacob liked it and it was reasonable, but will we get two days in and he'll be begging for something else "cooler"?  Another issue is events.  The school is doing some sort of summer sale in August, which made me wonder what the parental expectation is.  Do we need to go to these events to feel "accepted"?  Will fundraising events have a mandatory feel to them?  Public school parent participation is minimal (hence the begging for PTA members), but will the pressure be on now with a smaller class?  On a related note, will fundraisers make us crazy because we're already paying tuition?  Will tuition payments alone feel sustainable after one year away from daycare? I see the struggle almost every day at my job with the parental tuition vs. donation issue, so I know it's a possibility.  Finally, will it be weird that Jacob isn't Catholic?  I'm sure they'll do Catholic stuff like the Eucharist and certain prayers, and those will be foreign to him.  There have to be other kids like him, but I have no concept of what kind of weirdness that might cause or how that possible exclusion might make him feel.  We're already struggling a bit because he's supposed to start Confirmation classes this year (we're Lutheran) and dedicating a couple hours to it one night a week (out of two options) has been deemed threatening to his basketball career.  Will he just want to quit that altogether and find a way to be Catholic so he fits in?  I'm sure Craig would be fine with that but I'm a firm believer in our church's youth program so I'd really like him to give that a chance.

And all of the issues above aren't even getting into the big anxieties over Jacob having to make new friends and tackle new academic standards. Will he like the kids in his class and get in with a "good" group of kids, or will he be an outsider?  Will his academic career at this point have prepared him for where their curriculum starts, or did public school do him a disservice?  Will all the changes be too much, or might he have found his perfect groove?  Will it all be for nothing if he doesn't make the basketball team at the first opportunity and wants to bail?  I guess compared to these sorts of massive issues, the little stuff above is super doable.  The good news is that a lot of that will be worked out relatively quickly, but at the very least it means we have a very volatile couple months ahead of us.  If you need me from now until late September, I'll probably be deep breathing in the corner...