Unexpected End of an Era

Late last week we received a letter from our pediatrician's office.  At first I thought it was just another copy of an outstanding bill for one of Carter's strep tests that I just hadn't had a chance to pay, but when I opened it up, it was a letter explaining that our pediatrician is leaving the practice to join one in another town.  A wave of dread crept over me immediately, because I really do love our pediatrician.  She's been with us since day one (and actually before, I guess), and she's been so sweet and encouraging.  She's a great listener when we have issues, maybe to a fault as I think a couple times she's probably let us go down a worm hole we probably didn't need to, but she has always heard our concerns and had me walking out of the office feeling like I'm doing a good job.

And given that she's known my kids since birth, it's always been comforting when something has come up that she has their full medical history in mind, rather than just taking an educated guess without having that prior knowledge.  So, for example, when Carter was having belly pains a year or two ago, it didn't take a fight to get a Celiac test added to his blood work because she knew about Jacob.  Or even when Carter was a baby and his reflux started, we didn't need to go through lots of tests because it seemed to be following a similar pattern to Jacob's reflux.

For about a split second I considered switching practices to stay with her, and even though we'll be over that way a lot since it's in the same town as Jacob's new school, pretty much nothing compares to the convenience of our current practice.  It's close, has great hours, and their policies are good.  The thing is, as Jacob has gotten older I've realized that eventually the female pediatrician thing might be an issue.  After all, I went through the same thing as a kid.  When I was little, we had the best pediatrician who had her office in her house, shared with what I believe was her husband's dental office, if I recall correctly.  She had cared for my dad's family for years.  When I was probably around Carter's age, she retired, and we switched to a nearby office with multiple doctors, including her son.  I don't think I had a dedicated doc at that stage, but just took whichever one was available.  I actually really preferred her son, but sadly he passed away suddenly, very young.  One of the other doctors there I did not like at all as he wasn't particularly gentle, and as I got older I found the annual genital check super awkward with any male doctor.  Fortunately by the time I hit puberty I was able to convince my mom to keep me with the female doctor there as much as possible, which was much better.  And now, as an adult, even though our doctor has kept the boys' genital checks very light-hearted (there's one...and yup, there's the other!), I've figured that sooner or later that would get weird for them--weird with anyone, but weirder with a woman.

So, here we are.  I guess this was the push I needed.  The practice just welcomed a new male doctor, so I guess we're going to start there.  I really, truly hope we like him.  Our practice only has one other man, and he has been there for ages.  He's funny and energetic, but definitely old-school.  You may remember him from the time I asked about taking Jacob off milk to potentially help his behavior issues, and I was shot down almost immediately.  Here's the thing--and I've said this for my own medical care as well--I don't want a doctor to feed into unnecessary B.S., but I want them to consider what I'm saying for more than a moment.  If it's not good medical science (like, if I were an anti-vaxxer, for exampler), then fine.  But if I'm genuinely looking for a solution and it's possible there could be some validity (even if you're not personally aware of it), please look into it before you immediately dismiss it.  It's the entire reason I changed doctors for myself many years back.  My PCP, who was an older Indian woman, dismissed my lack of smell as an allergy issue, no matter how many times I insisted that it shouldn't be.  She didn't bother to look into other things that might be causing it, and that pissed me off.  I feel like younger doctors are a bit better about that stuff (sort of like my theory that younger teachers are less likely to turn to crappy old-school techniques to deal with kids like Jacob), and while that's probably a terrible generalization, it's just the sense I've gotten.  So, long story short, I'm hoping this new guy is a good fit because we don't have many other male options.  We'll find out in July with our next appointment, if not sooner.

But I'm still pretty profoundly sad to lose such a wonderful doctor.  To have someone know your kids from the beginning is something special, because they seem to enjoy watching them grow almost as much as you do.  And as a parent it's so nice to have someone you trust to share all of your random, over-thought, hypochondriac theories with, without fear of condescending judgment.  It reminds me a lot of how it felt when our first daycare shut down, or when the mass exodus happened from our last one.  Our connections to those teachers who knew the kids for so long were so important--not just to us, but to them as well.  I selfishly wish I could connect with the doctor on social media, just to keep that connection alive and let her see the kids grow up from afar.  I'll probably write her a note, regardless, because when someone has been in your life like that, you sort of need the chance to say goodbye.  And now that Carter's tonsils are out, the odds of that happening in the next 10 days before she leaves are a lot slimmer than they used to be!  And I'm not about to go wishing for a doctor visit, right?  I'm not quite sure how to go about thanking someone for all of their support over one of the most challenging periods of my life, but I guess I'm going to give it a try!

I know we'll be fine, but it still just feels odd to be losing that constant in our lives.  It's a little disorienting and just a little scary to not know what to expect in that realm moving forward.  Your kids' health care is so important, and any disruption to a good status quo is jarring.  Kids are resilient and hopefully we can be too as we go through this transition.  We will miss her so much!